Author Topic: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents  (Read 55219 times)

Shropskr

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My parents have done it AGAIN.  Couldn't sell their diesel pickup so they trade it in on a 2008 Cadilac.  Not like they don't already have another pick up. An rv a semi a tractor a riding lawn mower a house payment.  Etc oh and the great new Cadilac can't even be towed by the RV with out a dolly which they don't own..  STOP just Stop Stop buying shit you don't need get rid of the bills and it'll be easier that's what I want to say.    At least there is no loan so maybe they've learned something


What would you like to tell you parents if you could.

Kaminoge

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2014, 11:18:35 PM »
Arrrrghhhhh that must be hard for you to keep your mouth shut about!

I'm pretty lucky with my parents, maybe I'd say "it's awesome you've modeled such a great way to handle money/finances for me but come on dad, you bought that tracksuit before I was born, even frugality should have some limits!"

(I'm 40 by the way - mum also has several cooking implements (like a pressure cooker) and a sewing machine all from before they were married).

GrayGhost

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2014, 11:22:40 PM »
I'd say: your house has over 1,000 feet of space per person. That is a waste.
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Mrs.FamilyFinances

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2014, 03:34:47 PM »
Hubby and I have the opposite problem with his parents! They are mustachian and don't even realize. They paid off their home early in life, own everything else outright, go clothes shopping 1 or 2 times PER YEAR, and generally don't spend any money other than taxes, utilities, one vacation and charitable giving at the holidays.

 The sad part is that they don't believe they have enough to retire, because somewhere along the way they were told drilled they would need many many millions to be comfortable in retirement.  Dad works an extremely high stress, highly physical job full time, making 120k a year, but the toll on his health I fear is far greater. He stresses about work all the time, and tends to cope with food, so he is overweight (about 45 lbs) and just generally seems stressed/exhausted. Mom works a low stress, low paying job (36k) but has no intention of quitting.

 From the 3 accounts I know about, they have bare minimum 700k. This does not include the house, credit union checking & savings, mattress money, ect. It makes us sad to see them feel so unready for retirement, when they are more than ready!! The stress alone that dad carries is going to give him a damn heart attack.

KatieSSS

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2014, 12:33:47 PM »
With one parent it is, "Mom, just because it is on sale, doesn't mean you need to buy it." This is usually in response to 10 items of of the same thing (soap, hair gel, shaving cream, cleaning supplies, towels, cards, wrapping paper...the list goes on).

And with the other parent it is, "Dad, you don''t need to take your car to the car wash several times a week. That is what rain is for."

Another thing I want to say all the time is just "WHY!?" Latest example: My mom said they were going to buy a new grill for their deck. She said they also needed a new dryer because their's is almost dead. I said, "Why would you buy the grill before the dryer?" "I don't know," she said and then changed the subject. Sigh...

Thanks for starting this thread, it could be a very good place for me to vent :)
« Last Edit: May 14, 2014, 10:04:44 AM by KatieSSS »
"I dislike the fact that I have to be at my job at least 40 hrs a week. My time on this Earth is limited, and I want to be able to spend more of it in accordance with my priorities and desires. That is the main reason I want to be FI." = EarlyQuit, MMM poster

BlueHouse

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2014, 12:51:28 PM »
"I don't have the money to support you after you're done throwing all of yours away."  Actually, I do say that.  I just wish they would hear it.
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Wolf_Stache

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2014, 01:47:02 PM »
With one parent it is, "Mom, just because it is on sale, doesn't mean you need to buy it." This is usually in response to 10 items of of the same thing (soap, hair gel, shaving cream, cleaning supplies, towels, cards, wrapping paper...the list goes on).

This is what I want to say to my mom. The other month she stopped at the outlet store for a bakery that makes a very famous brand of cookies and bought THREE CASES of cookies and spent more money shipping a bunch of cookies to us kids all over the country. Not sure what she thought I was going to do with 12 bags of cookies. I brought all but 2 bags to work, and even those 2 bags are still sitting on my counter uneaten.

Then the very next week she was complaining to me about money and how they are going to lose the house. GAAA!

The paragraph above is not an isolated incident, either. one time she came home with a car FULL of, I kid you not, Muffin Tins. I think each of us kids took one or two, but last I knew she still had a giant box of muffin tins in the basement.

lifejoy

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2014, 01:53:47 PM »
For the future in-laws:

"I know you really value living for today. But you also have to pave the way for the future. You don't know what the future holds... better to be safe than sorry. I don't want your son and I to have to bankroll your golden years."

MandyM

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #8 on: May 12, 2014, 02:06:56 PM »
"If you have that much money to waste, how about wasting a little bit in my direction?" 

+1 
"Freedom lies in being bold." -Robert Frost

KatieSSS

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #9 on: May 12, 2014, 02:38:00 PM »
With one parent it is, "Mom, just because it is on sale, doesn't mean you need to buy it." This is usually in response to 10 items of of the same thing (soap, hair gel, shaving cream, cleaning supplies, towels, cards, wrapping paper...the list goes on).

This is what I want to say to my mom. The other month she stopped at the outlet store for a bakery that makes a very famous brand of cookies and bought THREE CASES of cookies and spent more money shipping a bunch of cookies to us kids all over the country. Not sure what she thought I was going to do with 12 bags of cookies. I brought all but 2 bags to work, and even those 2 bags are still sitting on my counter uneaten.

Then the very next week she was complaining to me about money and how they are going to lose the house. GAAA!

The paragraph above is not an isolated incident, either. one time she came home with a car FULL of, I kid you not, Muffin Tins. I think each of us kids took one or two, but last I knew she still had a giant box of muffin tins in the basement.

Eeek! Your mom sounds way worse than mine! My mom has learned over the years to not send me as much stuff, probably because I live in a small apartment. That does help.
"I dislike the fact that I have to be at my job at least 40 hrs a week. My time on this Earth is limited, and I want to be able to spend more of it in accordance with my priorities and desires. That is the main reason I want to be FI." = EarlyQuit, MMM poster

greenmimama

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #10 on: May 12, 2014, 02:44:05 PM »
My parents for the most part are great with money and they did a great job of raising me to be frugal. The one thing they do is so huge of a money waster, they replace their vehicles too often and with nice ones too.

I'm not sure if it is just a thing that they did without for so long so now they want to have that luxury or what, it will be interesting to see what they do now that my mom is retired. Maybe they will keep them for longer.

At least they pay cash for them and they aren't really expensive vehicles.

The Borgs

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #11 on: May 12, 2014, 03:23:12 PM »
I wish I could tell her she'd be happier and find it easier to manage a smaller place than a 3 bed house with a huge garden on her own.

And that if her clothes take up 2 wardrobes in her room, 2 wardrobes in my old room, a large suitcase under the bed, 2 chests of drawers and the entire small bedroom, that she maybe has enough already.

And not to buy so much food that when I visit once a year I'm cleaning out 3 bin sacks full of well expired tins and other goods.

ArbitraryGuy

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #12 on: May 12, 2014, 03:44:21 PM »
Dear Mom & Dad:

IRAs are sacred.  Do not empty your meager IRAs to sod a new lawn on your new $300,000 house!  This behavior should be avoided... especially in your late 50s when you have no other retirement savings.

Much Love,

ArbitraryGuy

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #13 on: May 12, 2014, 05:08:53 PM »
To the Moms:   Stop trying to give me crap on <insert_holiday_or_occasion_here>.  I've asked for you to halt this behavior about ten billion times but you persist.  I don't want or need the items, and you clearly can't afford to buy them.  Also, it hurts our relationship because it shows you're not listening to me.   Just.  Stop.



MMMmm, that was some good therapy.

zataks

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #14 on: May 12, 2014, 07:04:01 PM »
To the Moms:   Stop trying to give me crap on <insert_holiday_or_occasion_here>.  I've asked for you to halt this behavior about ten billion times but you persist.  I don't want or need the items, and you clearly can't afford to buy them.  Also, it hurts our relationship because it shows you're not listening to me.   Just.  Stop.

This exactly.

Gin1984

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #15 on: May 12, 2014, 07:08:28 PM »
Stop buying crap I don't want or need and wasting money shipping it here.  Also, it is sweet you want to buy stuff my DD, but I can get clothes for $2 used vs $15 new and that does not even count the bloody shipping. 

HappierAtHome

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #16 on: May 12, 2014, 07:14:43 PM »
For the future in-laws:

"I know you really value living for today. But you also have to pave the way for the future. You don't know what the future holds... better to be safe than sorry. I don't want your son and I to have to bankroll your golden years."

This +1000000000. Except to my family, not my in-laws.

BlueHouse

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #17 on: May 13, 2014, 11:15:29 AM »
Stop wasting money on Hallmark cards.  Why is there a Mother's Day card for daughters?  I don't even have kids and certainly didn't expect to receive a mother's day card. 
Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand

Hunny156

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #18 on: May 13, 2014, 11:25:43 AM »
To my FIL:  Ordering take out is not more effective than going out to eat.  COOKING is the most cost-effective way of eating!

Also to my FIL: After spending the better part of 20 years on unemployment, you gave up and chose to accept SS at 62.  You have no retirement income, no investments, no assets.  You do nothing all day long except watch TV, and your daily splurge is to get a tea & bagel at the local corner store.  Yet you are broke, and you are trained as an accountant!  Do you not see the problem here?

To my MIL:  Actually no, you really won't die if you can't buy that Villeroy & Boch china set!  Besides, you use name brand paper plates every day, why do you need china at all?

MIL, again: If you can't make ends meet on your current salary, what makes you think that retiring at the end of the year will be a good idea?  Your SSA will be half your current income, your HSN habit will increase b/c you'll be home all day, and you never bothered to save for your future.

Hubby & I decided long ago that we will ensure they don't starve, but that's where we draw the line.  And we will not be giving them cash, we will set up a Peapod account and have generic staples delivered once/mo so the delivery fees will be nominal.

Apples

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #19 on: May 13, 2014, 11:59:20 AM »
Fortunately, my parents generally have their act together when it comes to money, and assuming I can buy the family farm from them (which will happen barring some catastrophe like an Act of God or something), they will have millions.  They already have hundreds of thousands (but like to spend).

BUT, my future in-laws in one month and one day:

Please don't book the fancy restaurant and invite everyone you know for my bridal shower w/ your side of the family.  I will be quite happy in your living room.  In fact, I had asked for my "home" bridal shower to be in a house, but my mom doesn't want to have to clean for extended family.  But now that you've booked it, please stop making side comments about "how much money we're spending on this for you" and "can't do x activity b/c the bridal shower takes up all of your money".  You've seen this coming for a year, and it was your choice to host it that way.  This does not mean I should be guilt tripped.

Emergency funds exist for a reason. You should try it.  Don't get new plates, and restain the cabinets, and repaint 3 rooms b/c you're now hosting family Christmas.  And then take out a loan against your 401(k) to help your son pay lawyer fees for an unexpected incident (yes, we paid them back within 3 months).  And then, once paid back over $2,000, not have $350 on hand to pay the small amount the insurance doesn't pay for getting your leaking roof and damaged rooms fixed and call your son lamenting your problems. Now I'm leery of even telling you how much we're paying off in student loans each month, and am considering not telling you when we pay them off in 3 years because you know how much money that is.

Don't call us panicked saying you can't even afford 4 nights in a hotel room for our wedding when the month before you were talking about taking a 2 week vacation on the east coast.  Then decide that the bride, groom, parents, 6 grandparents, 8 person bridal party, and their dates are all invited to the rehearsal dinner that you're paying for.  With what money?  I'm just waiting to be informed the week before that they can't actually buy $25-$30 meals for all of them.  We have already earmarked some funds for this sad outcome.  (Yes, we're not all that mustachian when it comes to big events.  Mostly just in day-to-day, which allows us to throw those big events.)

Please get your act together and live within your means.  Because in 20 years when you're nearly 70 and still working with no hope for retirement, I hope you won't turn to the kids who are trying to get their own kids through college for help.

Ok, that felt good to get off my chest.  I think some wedding-planning anxiety and frustrations might have come into play on this one... :p

jimmymango

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #20 on: May 13, 2014, 02:02:46 PM »
Excellent thread...

MIL: You've been throwing parties for 30+ years. You always end up throwing food out and have never come close to running out of anything. STOP BUYING SO MUCH DAMN FOOD JUST IN CASE! (daughter's first birthday party was this past weekend...the amount of waste was ungodly...made my soul hurt)

Parents: Please let this car be mom's final lease.

Parents: Did you have to spend mom's entire inheritance on a brand new truck? Couldn't you at least go used?

FIL: This is going to be very hard to hear, but your prime earning years are over. You did very well for yourself during your career, but you're a 63-year-old salesman in a rough economy. Bask in the sense of accomplishment of a successful 30-40 year career...and then throw yourself wholeheartedly into this new phase. It will be hard, but you have to swallow your pride and accept whatever job comes your way, even if you feel it's beneath you. Your wife has a chronic medical condition and these cobra payments are killing you. Go on the exchanges and purchase cheaper insurance or get a job that provides it. You're burning through thousands per year unnecessarily. You only have to make it another year and a half until you qualify for Medicare. The last four years should have been an opportunity to carve out a niche for yourself that you could own until the day you die (FIL loves to work and would gladly do so until the very end)...I wish you wouldn't have sat around so much waiting for something to come to you or refusing to "settle" for things beneath you by focusing on the high paying job you lost several years ago. For years you had that part time job as a lead inspector and said you'd love to have the business, but did you make it abundantly clear, repeatedly, to the owner that he should turn to you first if he ever chose to sell? Or did you just think he'd never sell, like you told me so many times? I truly hope this latest gig works out for you, but I think you could have been happier if you had tried to make your way sooner. Retirement doesn't suit you, as I've seen since the recession hit...so don't just let it happen to you.

MIL: We have grocery stores here! Stop carting vegetables across four states!

ketchup

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #21 on: May 13, 2014, 02:50:42 PM »
My dad's got his shit together.  Reasonable apartment, 1994 Buick that he fixes himself, lives a mile from work, no obvious wastefulness like going out to eat all the time or buying dumb crap.  He likes to spend money on photography equipment, but he's spent maybe three grand on that in the past 10 years.  He buys everything used.  His current laptop (a really nice Thinkpad) was $150 on craigslist.

My mom definitely has no trouble taking care of herself financially, but she just has "more".  She drives an 03, but she thinks it's old and crappy and probably will buy a very-close-to-new car she doesn't need.  And she lives in a 2600 square foot house with just her, my 17 year old sister, and a dachshund/beagle mix.  But that house used to have a family of four before I moved out and before my parents' divorce.  Hopefully she gets logical about that after my sister graduates high school.  I can't imagine living in a 2600 square foot four bedroom house by oneself.

My parents are both optometrists making good money (and probably about the same amount of money, although context clues indicate my dad makes a little more, but I'm uncertain).  I think they'll both be fine.  My mom will make my eyes roll with some of her lifestyle choices, but I don't have reason to believe I'll be expected to solve any problems of hers down the road.  I know her father has at least mid-six-figures in Vanguard, plus a paid-off house, and a generous pension from Caterpillar (retired in 1985), along with SS, so I'm pretty sure plenty of those values trickled down.

My GF's dad seems sensible, although I don't know much about him.  He likes his new cars though.  Her mom is a disaster, but she's so good at gaming the system that she'll always be a leech on society, hopefully not us.  She can't ever know we have any money.

fantabulous

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #22 on: May 13, 2014, 05:19:35 PM »
My parents weren't great with money, and arent/weren't high earners, but aren't financial trainwrecks. Talking to them recently about retirement, they should have enough from SS/Pensions to live modestly and aren't the kind of people that will feel deprived by this. Retirement savings are less than 6 figures, but they apparently don't even need to touch this for normal living expenses in retirement if the SS/Pension numbers are correct. What happens if one of them gets so unhealthy that they need assisted care is questionable, though.

My mother is quite a packrat, and at least once I've said something to the effect of "I'm really going to enjoy the 82 large plastic tubs full of crap I'll inherit".

hybrid

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #23 on: May 14, 2014, 09:52:53 AM »
Dear fairly Mustachian Mom,

Please stop worrying about leaving me and my brother an inheritance. We don't need it, and you do. You only have so many years left, stop trying to leave us a financial legacy. I don't mean to beat you over the head with this, but both of us are in better financial shape than you are. Anything extra would be icing on our cake. Oh, and please please please invest your 401K a little more aggressively, you've just missed one of the best bull markets over the past five years.
Life is a game. Play it better.

GrayGhost

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #24 on: May 14, 2014, 03:12:37 PM »
IRAs are sacred.  Do not empty your meager IRAs to sod a new lawn on your new $300,000 house!

D:

Here's one for me:

You have been responsible, hard-working, and disciplined for many years. There's no need to burn thousands to help our jerk relatives fund their inflated lifestyles.
Student of Mustachianism since 2013

mindaugas

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #25 on: May 14, 2014, 03:46:34 PM »
My mom lives in my basement and survives off less than $10k annual that she earns from freelance work and selling some crafts on ebay. The only thing I have told her is to get rid of the silly miata she has and put that car payment into a retirement account. One day she won't be able to knit things or her other freelance work. I guess her social security would kick in tho. Other than the car she's very frugal, buys her clothes at thrift stores with us, eats cheap n healthy. She's basically retired without retirement money. I don't mind letting her stay in the basement and neither does my wife, she cleans our place and babysits in return.

Cassie

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #26 on: May 14, 2014, 03:59:19 PM »
My parents were of the WW II generation so were great with money & set good examples on how to live!! I miss them both dearly but am grateful for the lessons they taught us.  We will definitely not be a burden to our kids.

Apocalyptica602

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #27 on: May 15, 2014, 06:58:23 AM »
"I'm smarter than you about money, just because you raised me does not mean you're unable to take advice from your son."

Winston

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #28 on: May 15, 2014, 07:07:05 AM »
The only thing I have told her is to get rid of the silly miata she has and put that car payment into a retirement account.

No kidding! I love Miatas, but they stopped making the good ones in 2005. If she loves it so much, see if you can convince her to "downgrade" (really an upgrade) to a cheaper, older Miata that she can pay for with cash. They are pretty Mustachian cars when you don't need to haul around more than one other person. Great gas mileage, excellent reliability, and parts cheap and plentiful (especially used, since Mazda made so many of them). Easy to DIY repairs, too, although I doubt she'll be doing that :)
« Last Edit: May 15, 2014, 07:35:45 AM by Winston »

mindaugas

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #29 on: May 15, 2014, 09:01:58 AM »
The only thing I have told her is to get rid of the silly miata she has and put that car payment into a retirement account.

No kidding! I love Miatas, but they stopped making the good ones in 2005. If she loves it so much, see if you can convince her to "downgrade" (really an upgrade) to a cheaper, older Miata that she can pay for with cash. They are pretty Mustachian cars when you don't need to haul around more than one other person. Great gas mileage, excellent reliability, and parts cheap and plentiful (especially used, since Mazda made so many of them). Easy to DIY repairs, too, although I doubt she'll be doing that :)

I secretly like them too, although I think the newer ones have more pep. I know you can get a lot more power out of the older models tho.
If she had cash to buy one and wasn't upside down that'd be a great idea. Unfortunately I think the payment will catch up with her and it will get repo'd. There's been a couple late payments already. To be honest she doesn't really need a car, she can borrow ours when she needs to go somewhere.

KatieSSS

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #30 on: May 15, 2014, 09:38:17 AM »
I thought of another one. "Never, ever, ever, EVER again put my name on one of your credit cards without asking me. I don't care if you wanted to do it to establish my credit history. I can do that on my own. K, thanks."
"I dislike the fact that I have to be at my job at least 40 hrs a week. My time on this Earth is limited, and I want to be able to spend more of it in accordance with my priorities and desires. That is the main reason I want to be FI." = EarlyQuit, MMM poster

Fonzico

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #31 on: May 15, 2014, 09:46:50 AM »
"I'm smarter than you about money, just because you raised me does not mean you're unable to take advice from your son."

This. This, a thousand times over. Mostly on behalf of my husband though - he's the "baby" of the family, and neither his parents nor his siblings will take him seriously even though we are the only ones in his family who have their shit together. I know it makes him anxious that someday they are all going to be coming to him for help, because they wouldn't accept any right now. :/

frugalecon

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #32 on: May 15, 2014, 10:23:56 AM »
"I'm smarter than you about money, just because you raised me does not mean you're unable to take advice from your son."

This. This, a thousand times over. Mostly on behalf of my husband though - he's the "baby" of the family, and neither his parents nor his siblings will take him seriously even though we are the only ones in his family who have their shit together. I know it makes him anxious that someday they are all going to be coming to him for help, because they wouldn't accept any right now. :/

They probably don't ask for advice because they know they would not like it. I assume that is why no one in my family asks me for advice, even though I have a PhD in economics and have an obviously well-organized personal financial life.

merula

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #33 on: May 15, 2014, 07:17:45 PM »
To my mom:
"Mom, just because it is on sale, doesn't mean you need to buy it."

This. With the addition of "I'm just going to give it to the food shelf".

To my dad:
"You've done very well for yourself. Stop insisting you're middle class. And also, you didn't get there in a vacuum, so you can stop with the bootstrap bullshit."

To my in-laws:
"STOP BUYING MY KIDS EXPENSIVE PLASTIC CRAP EVERY WEEK. You can't afford it, it's usually completely inappropriate for their ages, and I'm not going to hold onto clutter for 3-5 years for them to grow into it."

In case the last one sounds ungrateful, we have been clear with both sets of grandparents that we don't have space in our place for a surplus of stuff, and the best thing they can do is give the kids their time with visits and outings. And the in-laws ignored us.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2016, 12:14:12 PM by merula »

homehandymum

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #34 on: May 16, 2014, 12:18:20 AM »
My Dad is 83.  Just last week I said to him "Dad, whatever you want to do is just fine with me."

It's his money, and he's entitled to spend it any damn way he wants.
Parenting 4 kids while keeping costs under control.

Visit my journal:  http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/4-kids-in-new-zealand-let%27s-see-how-this-goes/

garg33

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #35 on: May 16, 2014, 06:23:45 PM »
They probably don't ask for advice because they know they would not like it. I assume that is why no one in my family asks me for advice, even though I have a PhD in economics and have an obviously well-organized personal financial life.

I am sorry to have to tell you this, but I don't think a PhD in economics is a credential that speaks in favor of your financial acumen. ;)

Bikes in a dress

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #36 on: May 16, 2014, 11:37:12 PM »
Mom: Please invest your inheritance. Do you really need to drive around a truck and a trailer to have fun on the weekends? And no, you are not "environmentally low-impact" because you "only" had 2 kids, like everyone else, and drove them around in a Ford Explorer when they were kids. Please stop saying that. Also, stop buying Dad mochas.

Dad: No, you don't get a mocha. You do not get a "treat." You can't work, why do you need caffeine? Every time you get to go somewhere is not a special occasion to spend lots of money at a restaurant, either.

MIL: Please don't buy me anything for Christmas/birthdays/whatever ever again, since I make 3x what you do and you are underwater on at least one house. Stop smoking. Just fix up your "investment property" that is now your weekend escape that you are hundreds of thousands of dollars underwater on, you're only going to lose more doing a teardown and rebuild. And really, get some counseling to help you deal with your anxiety and take control of your life.

*Actually, with my parents we have a "deal." I don't complain to them about how they spend money, they don't get to complain about my "risky" climbing. The MIL just drives everyone crazy, but at least she's on the other coast.

nikki

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #37 on: May 16, 2014, 11:54:40 PM »
To my loving grandparents: Stop buying crap. Papa has already retired from a job once; he could retire again if you stopped going out to eat every day and stopped doing stupid, wasteful things like using only high-quality paper plates. You have two sets of dishes--how about using those?

To my mother: You know you've screwed it all up several times, but there's still a chance to give my sister some good advice. The advice you gave her about saving is not good advice. Remember? When you told her she should save 1% of her income for retirement? $150 a year? If you aren't prepared to give good advice, don't give any at all. Also: you really do need to get rid of your cars; you can't afford them. You make 4-5x as much as I do, yet I'm terrified that you'll come to me for money some day. The answer will always be "no."

frugalecon

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #38 on: May 17, 2014, 04:50:20 AM »
They probably don't ask for advice because they know they would not like it. I assume that is why no one in my family asks me for advice, even though I have a PhD in economics and have an obviously well-organized personal financial life.

I am sorry to have to tell you this, but I don't think a PhD in economics is a credential that speaks in favor of your financial acumen. ;)

I am curious what the basis is for this comment. Is it based on actually knowing any people with economics PhDs?

surfhb

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #39 on: May 17, 2014, 09:10:18 AM »
Mom and Dad:   When Granny died 18 years ago she left you 2 paid off homes in Southern California.    Could you tell me why you have no retirement savings?   

Also, why did Dad sell his shares in BOTH crashes in 2001 and 2007.   Isn't that why you paid Tom all those fees through the years?   For good advice?    I'm sorry you're living on SS.   sniff sniff.  :)
« Last Edit: May 17, 2014, 09:14:32 AM by surfhb »

Suit

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #40 on: May 17, 2014, 10:13:36 AM »
To the Moms:   Stop trying to give me crap on <insert_holiday_or_occasion_here>.  I've asked for you to halt this behavior about ten billion times but you persist.  I don't want or need the items, and you clearly can't afford to buy them.  Also, it hurts our relationship because it shows you're not listening to me.   Just.  Stop.

This exactly.

This is so my mom too!

RetiredAt63

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #41 on: May 17, 2014, 03:02:26 PM »
My daughter gets it - no card or flowers for Mother's day, instead I got a good phone call, and she is coming this weekend (with big strong boyfriend in tow) to do outside chores that need extra hands.  I don't want her to have these "in-her-head" talks with me, I want to be a good example for her  ;-)

To the Moms:   Stop trying to give me crap on <insert_holiday_or_occasion_here>.  I've asked for you to halt this behavior about ten billion times but you persist.  I don't want or need the items, and you clearly can't afford to buy them.  Also, it hurts our relationship because it shows you're not listening to me.   Just.  Stop.

This exactly.

This is so my mom too!
The measure of civilization is how people treat one another.

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/meetups-and-social-events/ontario's-own-camp-mustache-2017/ - MEET US THERE!

garg33

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #42 on: May 17, 2014, 07:44:54 PM »
They probably don't ask for advice because they know they would not like it. I assume that is why no one in my family asks me for advice, even though I have a PhD in economics and have an obviously well-organized personal financial life.

I am sorry to have to tell you this, but I don't think a PhD in economics is a credential that speaks in favor of your financial acumen. ;)

I am curious what the basis is for this comment. Is it based on actually knowing any people with economics PhDs?

From a purely financial perspective, I'm pretty sure the opportunity cost of a PhD outweighs any future financial benefit in almost all cases. Of course there are many great non-financial reasons to get a PhD, but again, then it remains the opposite of a financial credential.

Rural

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #43 on: May 17, 2014, 09:29:50 PM »
They probably don't ask for advice because they know they would not like it. I assume that is why no one in my family asks me for advice, even though I have a PhD in economics and have an obviously well-organized personal financial life.

I am sorry to have to tell you this, but I don't think a PhD in economics is a credential that speaks in favor of your financial acumen. ;)

I am curious what the basis is for this comment. Is it based on actually knowing any people with economics PhDs?

From a purely financial perspective, I'm pretty sure the opportunity cost of a PhD outweighs any future financial benefit in almost all cases. Of course there are many great non-financial reasons to get a PhD, but again, then it remains the opposite of a financial credential.


Done properly, a PhD is free. I stupidly paid for some lifestyle inflation when I was in grad school, but the degree itself? I got paid a pitiful pittance to get that. Any school that won't pay you to go to grad school is not a school  you want to be a graduate student at.

prefrontalfinance

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #44 on: May 17, 2014, 09:46:35 PM »

From a purely financial perspective, I'm pretty sure the opportunity cost of a PhD outweighs any future financial benefit in almost all cases. Of course there are many great non-financial reasons to get a PhD, but again, then it remains the opposite of a financial credential.

Done properly, a PhD is free. I stupidly paid for some lifestyle inflation when I was in grad school, but the degree itself? I got paid a pitiful pittance to get that. Any school that won't pay you to go to grad school is not a school  you want to be a graduate student at.

Well, he specifically mentions the opportunity cost. Even if you get paid a stipend, the opportunity cost is that you could be making more money working an actual job elsewhere. Eg, instead of making 24k a year for 5 years (no raises, no inflation or cost of living adjustments), you could make 30k in years 1-2, then 35k years 3-4, then switch to a 45k job in year five. The difference in wages would be the opportunity cost (in purely financial terms). There are opportunity costs of *not* getting the PhD as well, though they may not be financial. For example, you can't become a principle investigator or tenured professor at a 4 year school in most disciplines without a PhD, so that career path would be closed off.

franklin w. dixon

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #45 on: May 17, 2014, 10:27:48 PM »
My main man and #1 dad Jimbo is really, really hilarious in an Antimustachian and yet more-or-less innocuous way. Back in "the day" of my youth he was a real skinflint regarding everyone except for, ah, himself. He always dumped tons of money into his retirement account and was all about Property Values!! and would flip his god damn shit about people letting out the air conditioning or looking in the refrigerator for too long and yet mysteriously managed to buy himself a new K2500 long bed xcab and a boat to pull around with it hm hm. how odd! Anyway due in no small part to his shall we say rather selfish habits of spending eventually my parents got divorced and ole Jimbo meandered away with his half of the loot (800k retirement account) in tow. Having learned his lesson he got remarried and now spends profligately on fucking everything. He and his wife both have good jobs at the same company and my guess is they make around 250-300k/year combined?? So they're still piling up money for no real reason and also just throwing cash at the dumbest possible stuff, like, they keep getting leases on Acuras because #yolo and he bought a $5000 dollar lawn mower and my god, the guns, dude just fuckin, loves guns. He's got like 40 guns a bunch of which are crazy Caesar Guerini shotguns that cost like ten grand. Just heaps of ten thousand dollar shotguns all tucked away in the closet. Why not. And he stocks up on improbable and cartoonish tools like you know, redundant pressure washers, an extra air compressor in case the first air compressor gets the flu, some pistol reloading equipment because you know only a fool would buy fresh bullets every time. All these reloaders pay for themselves! And he's hilarious for stuff like, ok, my youngest brother just graduated from college so these days are over now, but back when we were in school he'd be all hey, why don't you come around! I can show you the new flatscreens I installed in the basement! Oh? Tuition? Sorry son. I'm flat broke. Also happy birthday *hands u 3 crisp 100 dollar bills*. It's not like he's putting himself in any particular financial strain because in a sensible world he could've retired a decade ago but it's just like, God Bless You Jimbo, the engine of our nation's economy.

franklin w. dixon

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #46 on: May 17, 2014, 10:30:58 PM »
Jimbo keeps telling me about how he's having a reckon on how he needs to replace that crummy old truck, the 1994 k2500 with an entire fifty-eight thousand miles that he still has hanging around in the garage. But he and his wife always have new cars from the leases so he almost literally never drives the truck. Once in a while he'll go to Home Depot to pick up a NEW PRESSURE WASHER or whatever dumb thing but that's it. And so every time he tells me that I'm like hmm and how much did you drive the truck last year? And he says: oh, maybe 500 miles. And I rejoin: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I literally drove a quarter of all the miles on the stupid truck in high school, when I used it for a lawn mowing business. Consarnit Jimbo!!

franklin w. dixon

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #47 on: May 17, 2014, 10:44:26 PM »
Jimbo keeps buying gadgets without even a faint idea of how to use them, like he bought an ipad off of a guy at work for the can't-miss-it price of 300 dollars (thrift!!) but my brother asked him what he uses it for and he was like "Well sometimes I watch netflix!" But he doesn't have a netflix account. the ipad just automatically signs in to the account of the guy he bought it from. He doesn't understand that netflix is a paid service. He bought a camera for 2000 dollars but never uses it because he just takes pictures with his decrepit Blackberry that he got from work, which I know because he constantly takes pictures of stuff from his garden and sends them to me, in the form of a single email per photograph. What's this? Forty emails from dad?? Oh it's just pictures of forty tomatoes he harvested from his garden, of which he will eat 2, and then take the other 38 to work to see if anyone wants tomatoes, and finding that no one does, throw in the trash. Livin the dream.

franklin w. dixon

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #48 on: May 17, 2014, 10:45:37 PM »
It must be cool to have so much money that you're like "Gosh My Wallet Is Givin Me Back Pain! All This Money!! Oh here's a dumpster" *empties the heap of 100s into the trash*

franklin w. dixon

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Re: What you wish you could tell your very unmustachian parents
« Reply #49 on: May 17, 2014, 11:01:04 PM »
My mom is funny too although not QUITE as funny as Jimbo because her half of the loot included the crazy 3600 square foot house that we lived in as children, which was big back when there were 5 of us there, but now it's just her and precisely one (1) cat, so she's go this crazy Miss Havisham thing going on where she sleeps in various rooms throughout the house depending on her whim, and keeps saying she's gonna get rid of the crummy old furniture in most of the rooms, but then realizes that so doing would leave like 3/4 of the house empty, so she just keeps it, and has a cleaning service come every couple of weeks to do almost literally nothing besides dust all the stupid unused rooms. Sometimes she'll have the upstairs and downstairs thermostats working in opposite directions because she likes her "hanging out" temperature to be different from her "sleeping" temperature. Like Jimbo she's completely fine financially because the house is paid off and she tools around in a shabby dilapidated Saturn Vue and so even when you stack up her comical energy bills and dumbass commute and Literally Never Cooking plus occasionally paying for entire family vacations she still only spends like 50k/year, against a job that pays like 140k. Her boss has actually expressed anxiety that one day she'll just be like Well Peace because there's not any real reason for her to keep working. But she does. Because ??? well who knows why. God Bless.