The Money Mustache Community
Around the Internet => Antimustachian Wall of Shame and Comedy => Topic started by: DCteach on May 16, 2019, 09:58:19 AM
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DW's sister is getting married soon. Took a look at the registry during some down time at work today, and my eyes just about popped out of my head. Had to share...
Some highlights:
-6 tablecloths ($600)
-knife set ($1000)
-second knife set ($400)
-third knife set ($190)
-Roomba ($700)
-Dyson animal vacuum ($600)
-Salt and pepper shaker ($60)
-Dutch oven ($400)
-Two cookware sets ($700)
-Food vacuum sealer ($370)
-Rice cooker ($130)
-Food processor AND Ninja blender ($310 total)
-KitchenAid Mixer ($380)
-over 150 individual cups/mugs of various styles, materials and occasions
-over 225 plates/bowls/platters of different styles, material, and occasions
Total cost of stuff: ~ $15,000
Couldn't even imagine owning all that stuff!
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I think a wedding registry where guests can share what they are gifting with other guests is a useful custom. It helps prevent getting 6 microwaves instead of 6 different gifts. I can see the use in that.
I think a wedding registry where the couple tells people what they want is disgusting. I would be embarrassed beyond belief if my fiancé were to do something like that. If they had such a sense of entitlement to other people's money that they put forward that list for others to see, I think I call off the wedding. That's how much it disgusts me.
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I think a wedding registry where guests can share what they are gifting with other guests is a useful custom. It helps prevent getting 6 microwaves instead of 6 different gifts. I can see the use in that.
I think a wedding registry where the couple tells people what they want is disgusting. I would be embarrassed beyond belief if my fiancé were to do something like that. If they had such a sense of entitlement to other people's money that they put forward that list for others to see, I think I call off the wedding. That's how much it disgusts me.
It seems like our cultural and commercial systems are set up for the latter, even if your intention is to provide your guests with the former. Is that not the case? How are you handling this question?
(As for the OP... perhaps she felt obligated to provide her guests with many options? Surely she does not actually expect or want three different knife sets? Surely???)
How did we handle it? We invited people to our wedding without any expectation of gifts from anyone. And we said thank you for everything we received. That's the sum total of what we did to handle it.
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I am hoping that you just listed the worst offenders instead of the most expensive. I think registries are good for Walmart/Target/Amazon/etc where the regular gifts would be anywhere from $5-100 and most gifts around the $25 range. They are not being good stewards of other people's money.
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We were so poor when we got married that our budget for the wedding was $50. For everything.
It was a big amount of money to us. We weren't being frugal or cheap, we were being extravagant.
We told people if they wanted something to eat or drink at the reception it would be wise to bring it. We held the wedding in our apartment because that was a space we had already rented, the idea of renting another space was totally not feasible.
And people had such a good time some of them stayed for three days. It's not about the money or the gifts or the lavish place settings. It's about the love and the friendship.
I wouldn't marry anyone who didn't understand that. And telling someone what expensive gifts you expect them to give you is a damn good clue love and friendship aren't the priority.
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Long ago when I got married, we too thought "all we want is our guests' presence!" and didn't have a wedding gift registry. What ended up happening was that everybody we invited wanted to bring a gift anyway (we were just starting out, so we had zero stuff) and so we had 50 people calling my mom to find out what we needed. She did a good job keeping track of what she suggested our friends and family get for us, but if I were to do it again I'd just set up a registry and make it easy for people.
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Talking about outrageous wedding registries, I received an electronic wedding invitation last year:
1) I didn't know the couple and had to ask around town to find out who the bride and groom were.
2) The bride had invited everyone in a several local organizations regardless of how well she knew them (as in took the online mailing lists and spammed everyone, everywhere, repeatedly.)
3) Every communication linked to an online wedding registry site that in addition to traditional items like towels, crockery, furniture & sporting equipment, included; donate $ for the bride's dress, donate $ for the bride's hair, donate for the flowers, on down the list including the photographer, dance lessons, hall rental, honeymoon and home improvements (new windows & a fridge). I added it all up and the wish list came to over $75,000.
I rounded up some easily entertained friends who had also received invitations and we decided to attend in a gaggle just to see what would happen. The response to my RSVP was an email asking guests to BYO food & beverages. As the date got closer, another email arrived asking everyone to BYO a chair. I considered that plus a modest gift off the registry well worth the price of admission to see a bunch of well dressed total strangers mill about awkwardly carrying chairs and covered dishes waiting to be herded into a group photo. The Bride and Groom didn't bother to greet any of us during the reception and were heard to complain that the guests had started eating the food before they had a chance to get first pick.
I'm a huge fan of only having the size wedding you can afford, so I have no issue with the BYO food, beverages & seating arrangements. I happily brought all three. I can even see the logic behind asking for cash donations for the flower girl's dresses and the gifts for the best men. My complaint? The bride recently started posting items for sale on a local buy/sell website (that many of us also belong to). You get one guess as to what she's selling off....
This is just...wow
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Talking about outrageous wedding registries, I received an electronic wedding invitation last year:
1) I didn't know the couple and had to ask around town to find out who the bride and groom were.
2) The bride had invited everyone in a several local organizations regardless of how well she knew them (as in took the online mailing lists and spammed everyone, everywhere, repeatedly.)
3) Every communication linked to an online wedding registry site that in addition to traditional items like towels, crockery, furniture & sporting equipment, included; donate $ for the bride's dress, donate $ for the bride's hair, donate for the flowers, on down the list including the photographer, dance lessons, hall rental, honeymoon and home improvements (new windows & a fridge). I added it all up and the wish list came to over $75,000.
I rounded up some easily entertained friends who had also received invitations and we decided to attend in a gaggle just to see what would happen. The response to my RSVP was an email asking guests to BYO food & beverages. As the date got closer, another email arrived asking everyone to BYO a chair. I considered that plus a modest gift off the registry well worth the price of admission to see a bunch of well dressed total strangers mill about awkwardly carrying chairs and covered dishes waiting to be herded into a group photo. The Bride and Groom didn't bother to greet any of us during the reception and were heard to complain that the guests had started eating the food before they had a chance to get first pick.
I'm a huge fan of only having the size wedding you can afford, so I have no issue with the BYO food, beverages & seating arrangements. I happily brought all three. I can even see the logic behind asking for cash donations for the flower girl's dresses and the gifts for the best men. My complaint? The bride recently started posting items for sale on a local buy/sell website (that many of us also belong to). You get one guess as to what she's selling off....
This is just...wow
I second that wow. There are no other words. Some people weren’t raised right and it shows.
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I like it when the bride & groom set up a registry. It makes it easy to supply a gift without having to wonder if they will like it or not. The registry is not at all selfish or in bad taste -- it's helpful to guests who want to give something good.
But the couple should definitely have items at a range of price points and avoid giving the sense that they just want to milk their guests.
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I like it when the bride & groom set up a registry. It makes it easy to supply a gift without having to wonder if they will like it or not. The registry is not at all selfish or in bad taste -- it's helpful to guests who want to give something good.
But the couple should definitely have items at a range of price points and avoid giving the sense that they just want to milk their guests.
^^^This. I love it when people have a good registry with a wide variety of prices. I also keep in mind that a lot of stores offer a discount on registry items that didn't get bought. Like, I put a crib on my baby registry at Target not because I expected someone else to buy it, but because I got 10 or 15% off of it when I went back and bought it for myself.
Speaking of baby registries. When we had DS, we set up two registries for the discounts, but if anyone asked my mom or MIL could point them in that direction (I do think that the fact we had a ton of cloth diapering stuff on the lists discouraged people from buying disposables, which was kind of cool). We ended up going to Buy Buy Baby (what a horrid name, BTW). When you do a registry with them, and I assume that Bed, Bath, and Beyond is the same way, the registry department gives you a scanning gun and a "helpful" list of everything you might need. Most of the list is bullshit, of course, but playing with the scanning gun is kind of fun, and does encourage one to go a little crazy. In our case, we went back over the list a few days later and culled a lot of stuff that had caught our attention in the store, but later on we looked at each other like "what were we thinking?"
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I like it when the bride & groom set up a registry. It makes it easy to supply a gift without having to wonder if they will like it or not. The registry is not at all selfish or in bad taste -- it's helpful to guests who want to give something good.
But the couple should definitely have items at a range of price points and avoid giving the sense that they just want to milk their guests.
Exactly. In the example quoted I noticed knife sets at 3 different price points - it's not that they want 3 sets, but they want the options for people of various means. (That being said, even the lowest-priced is something I'd be splitting with others.) And sometimes people go a little crazy and ask for "dream items", like a fancy KitchenAid mixer, just in case a friend or family member is feeling particularly lavish. I don't know anyone who wanted everything on their registry, or if they did, it was kind of a long-term shopping list that they completed over the years after getting married.
DH and I did the "your presence is presents enough" thing, and a number of people still brought gifts, for which we were properly thankful. I think a lot of people had trouble understanding how a couple of 22-year-olds didn't want stuff, but we had second-hand items from our parents, and we didn't know what pattern of plates we wanted or anything, so why ask people to spend money on stuff we may not have even liked 5 years down the line?
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I like it when the bride & groom set up a registry. It makes it easy to supply a gift without having to wonder if they will like it or not. The registry is not at all selfish or in bad taste -- it's helpful to guests who want to give something good.
But the couple should definitely have items at a range of price points and avoid giving the sense that they just want to milk their guests.
^^^This. I love it when people have a good registry with a wide variety of prices. I also keep in mind that a lot of stores offer a discount on registry items that didn't get bought. Like, I put a crib on my baby registry at Target not because I expected someone else to buy it, but because I got 10 or 15% off of it when I went back and bought it for myself.
Speaking of baby registries. When we had DS, we set up two registries for the discounts, but if anyone asked my mom or MIL could point them in that direction (I do think that the fact we had a ton of cloth diapering stuff on the lists discouraged people from buying disposables, which was kind of cool). We ended up going to Buy Buy Baby (what a horrid name, BTW). When you do a registry with them, and I assume that Bed, Bath, and Beyond is the same way, the registry department gives you a scanning gun and a "helpful" list of everything you might need. Most of the list is bullshit, of course, but playing with the scanning gun is kind of fun, and does encourage one to go a little crazy. In our case, we went back over the list a few days later and culled a lot of stuff that had caught our attention in the store, but later on we looked at each other like "what were we thinking?"
Scanning gun induced crazy is a thing. We had a similar experience where we sat down a week post registering and knocked out half the stuff we had put on there.
Got lots of complaints from older family members that we didn't have enough pricey stuff. I also got ticked off at one of my ILs who bought up $100 of serving utensils that we had put on there as good options for our super broke friends. And I wish we had registered for 12 place settings instead of 8 since our china got discontinued. 12 felt greedy when we were registering.
If you are particularly inclined to complete your set, try the shopgoodwill website.
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I like it when the bride & groom set up a registry. It makes it easy to supply a gift without having to wonder if they will like it or not. The registry is not at all selfish or in bad taste -- it's helpful to guests who want to give something good.
But the couple should definitely have items at a range of price points and avoid giving the sense that they just want to milk their guests.
I don't mind them either. There's no law that you have to get anything off of them. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I also don't mind seeing things like the KitchenAid mixer. It's a high quality kitchen staple that should last decades, making it mustachian in my book. If it was for a relative, I'd probably ask one of my siblings if they wanted to go in on it.
What I do find stupid are registries full of toys or wheedling for somebody to fund a honeymoon. I often just write a check and that money could be used for anything, but to me there's something crass about asking guests to fund a honeymoon.
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I don't mind them either. There's no law that you have to get anything off of them. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I also don't mind seeing things like the KitchenAid mixer. It's a high quality kitchen staple that should last decades, making it mustachian in my book. If it was for a relative, I'd probably ask one of my siblings if they wanted to go in on it.
What I do find stupid are registries full of toys or wheedling for somebody to fund a honeymoon. I often just write a check and that money could be used for anything, but to me there's something crass about asking guests to fund a honeymoon.
My niece and her fiancee did the honeymoon thing, but I didn't think it was crass at all. They'd been living together for 4 years and really didn't need anything. They had a website for it, and it was very much a "we don't need gifts but if you really feel inclined" and then they had cute options for different dollar amounts = different aspects of their honeymoon (which will be sometime in the next year when I help them plan it). Her mom is a huge keeper/collector of things, just like my mom, so I get my niece's need to be more minimalist in contrast. They also had a very nice but well within their means wedding, at a beautiful venue for half the price on a Monday. This is the same niece who talks to us for financial advise/retirement planning already, so I have high hopes for her!
As for my KitchenAid stand mixer, I received it as a Christmas gift from my now-husband over 11 years ago, right before we got engaged. We try to cook a LOT from scratch and it is the best thing ever. 11+ years and it's still going strong. I love that thing. When we got married we did a registry but we had a wide range of things on it with multiple price points. We still use most of the things from our wedding gifts actually! No $600 for tablecloths (or any tablecloths...) though, dang.
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DW's sister is getting married soon. Took a look at the registry during some down time at work today, and my eyes just about popped out of my head. Had to share...
Some highlights:
-6 tablecloths ($600)
-knife set ($1000)
-second knife set ($400)
-third knife set ($190)
-Roomba ($700)
-Dyson animal vacuum ($600)
-Salt and pepper shaker ($60)
-Dutch oven ($400)
-Two cookware sets ($700)
-Food vacuum sealer ($370)
-Rice cooker ($130)
-Food processor AND Ninja blender ($310 total)
-KitchenAid Mixer ($380)
-over 150 individual cups/mugs of various styles, materials and occasions
-over 225 plates/bowls/platters of different styles, material, and occasions
Total cost of stuff: ~ $15,000
Couldn't even imagine owning all that stuff!
Yeah, that list doesn't even make sense. Why have multiple knife sets? Why have two different cookware sets? It almost seems like they are setting up having to return items for $$, but I could be wrong.
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I either buy from the registry or give a check. Most couples have a wide range of price points for people. Also sometimes people go in together for bigger gifts. If I couldn’t afford to feed people at my wedding I would go to the courthouse and get married. Food can be homemade but to expect gifts and not have food is tacky. I have seen when the couple is young that their friends bring food to help with a potluck to go along with what the couple provides.
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My cousin's daughter is getting married this fall. My cousin is a single mom who works crazy hours to pay the bills. Daughter is having the wedding in a mountain town 4 hours away from home so everyone has to pay for accommodations. We all got a link to her registry - it's at William Sonoma and the cheapest thing on the list is $250! I think that's just so people give her cash.
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I think the whole thing with registries is slightly vulgar. The whole concept of planning a wedding budget around part of that being recouped seems to me to be slightly vulgar.
It's sad that weddings are now something to 'show off'. They really should be intimate affairs.
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We got complaints from the "appearances" relatives that our registry wasn't fancy enough. Two decades later we STILL have a few things we have never even opened. Crystal and such that we just don't have a purpose for. We need to sell it on honestly.
If that bride had requested BYO chairs I would have shown up with one of our ratty camp chairs!
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To tell the truth I think the idea of byow (bring your own wedding) depending on your friends, could be fun and hilarious. You ask your friends to bring chair, food, bev. The wedding couple supplies a band. BUT- in that case they should not also ask for wedding gifts or create a registry, as the wedding itself is the gift
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A friendly gathering sounds like alot of fun. Much more than the "appearances" version where some list of mysterious formalities must be satisfied. ;)
We had the formal wedding b/c of certain elders had more opinions and influence over us than they should have (looking back at it a couple decades later).
I think DW and I would have been just as happy to have had some sort of hippie wedding. I attended one of those (literally) and it was fun.
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I think the whole thing with registries is slightly vulgar. The whole concept of planning a wedding budget around part of that being recouped seems to me to be slightly vulgar.
It's sad that weddings are now something to 'show off'. They really should be intimate affairs.
I think registries can be useful. I'd much rather get something someone wants than have to guess what they want, especially when it comes to knowing what style plates or glasses and what kitchen gadget they already have. Some of that might come from getting married when we were quite young and poor. It let us decide what we wanted over other things we were willing to continue dealing with. It was nice to get non-plastic cups that actually matched. We're still using the utensils, plates and cups we got 15 years ago from our wedding (although we have lost a few due to drops)
We've also been fortunate to not have been invited to show off weddings
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Having went to friends' weddings around the country I've noticed a trend in traditions.
In the North, PA being the example I saw, the 'gift table' was mostly envelopes with cards in them. Some of those cards included checks. There were very few physical gifts, the couple didn't have a wedding registry, and they thought it would be tacky to request gifts.
In the South, many examples, the opposite happens. People are going to bring physical gifts, whether you want them or not, so unless you want a bunch of random stuff and 6 microwaves, you better have a wedding registry. Given that, registries are pretty common.
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People are going to bring physical gifts, whether you want them or not, so unless you want a bunch of random stuff and 6 microwaves, you better have a wedding registry. Given that, registries are pretty common.
YES ^^^ After seeing a friend get three toaster ovens and my brother & sister-in-law get a bunch of fancy things they did not need at all - the husband and I made a registry. We had one more traditional at Target with the few kitchen and house things we didn't already have. The second was at REI since we really didn't need all that much of the kitchen and house stuff. People really liked getting things from the REI list and it gets used all the time.
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When I get married I am having a 'no gifts allowed' policy.
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My ex-wife and I were completing college and moving from one state to another. We had a wedding registry and very little to our name. But it was a simple one for starting our new lives together. Towels, sheets, blankets, toaster, cookware, silverware, etc. We were thankful to our friends and relatives.
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When I get married I am having a 'no gifts allowed' policy.
We tried that and our request was almost completely ignored (only two couples respected it!). We didn't want a wedding shower, either, and my wife's colleagues threw one anyway.
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When I get married I am having a 'no gifts allowed' policy.
We tried that and our request was almost completely ignored (only two couples respected it!). We didn't want a wedding shower, either, and my wife's colleagues threw one anyway.
Yep. You can say "no gifts," but people aren't going to break the usual etiquette of gift-giving at weddings. Best to channel them into purchases that will actually be useful so you don't end up with four different cut-glass bowls. Or at least direct them make gifts to your favorite charities instead.
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Having went to friends' weddings around the country I've noticed a trend in traditions.
In the North, PA being the example I saw, the 'gift table' was mostly envelopes with cards in them. Some of those cards included checks. There were very few physical gifts, the couple didn't have a wedding registry, and they thought it would be tacky to request gifts.
In the South, many examples, the opposite happens. People are going to bring physical gifts, whether you want them or not, so unless you want a bunch of random stuff and 6 microwaves, you better have a wedding registry. Given that, registries are pretty common.
yes. I was raised Greek American. The most appropriate gift for a wedding is considered cash or equivalent (check). It's only relatively recently that registries are commonly used, but the older generation will still ignore the registry and gift cash.
It was a culture clash where my MIL was horrified that I would often give cash or equivalent (giftcards) to my family for xmas, but usually that and/or small gifts (favorite candy or snack, etc re-up of favorite sock etc) .
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Having went to friends' weddings around the country I've noticed a trend in traditions.
In the North, PA being the example I saw, the 'gift table' was mostly envelopes with cards in them. Some of those cards included checks. There were very few physical gifts, the couple didn't have a wedding registry, and they thought it would be tacky to request gifts.
In the South, many examples, the opposite happens. People are going to bring physical gifts, whether you want them or not, so unless you want a bunch of random stuff and 6 microwaves, you better have a wedding registry. Given that, registries are pretty common.
yes. I was raised Greek American. The most appropriate gift for a wedding is considered cash or equivalent (check). It's only relatively recently that registries are commonly used, but the older generation will still ignore the registry and gift cash.
It was a culture clash where my MIL was horrified that I would often give cash or equivalent (giftcards) to my family for xmas, but usually that and/or small gifts (favorite candy or snack, etc re-up of favorite sock etc) .
When I married into my Chinese husband’s family we got a crap-ton of cash for wedding gifts. It was wonderful and generous and more than paid for our wedding dinner party. I really like the tradition now that we are busy with our kids and never seem to have time to prepare a gift for weddings, showers, and other parties. Just pull out a blank card and I write something nice, he draws something nice inside, and we stick cash in a pretty red envelope to go inside. It isn’t thoughtful or creative but at least it is never the wrong size.
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Having went to friends' weddings around the country I've noticed a trend in traditions.
In the North, PA being the example I saw, the 'gift table' was mostly envelopes with cards in them. Some of those cards included checks. There were very few physical gifts, the couple didn't have a wedding registry, and they thought it would be tacky to request gifts.
In the South, many examples, the opposite happens. People are going to bring physical gifts, whether you want them or not, so unless you want a bunch of random stuff and 6 microwaves, you better have a wedding registry. Given that, registries are pretty common.
yes. I was raised Greek American. The most appropriate gift for a wedding is considered cash or equivalent (check). It's only relatively recently that registries are commonly used, but the older generation will still ignore the registry and gift cash.
It was a culture clash where my MIL was horrified that I would often give cash or equivalent (giftcards) to my family for xmas, but usually that and/or small gifts (favorite candy or snack, etc re-up of favorite sock etc) .
When I married into my Chinese husband’s family we got a crap-ton of cash for wedding gifts. It was wonderful and generous and more than paid for our wedding dinner party. I really like the tradition now that we are busy with our kids and never seem to have time to prepare a gift for weddings, showers, and other parties. Just pull out a blank card and I write something nice, he draws something nice inside, and we stick cash in a pretty red envelope to go inside. It isn’t thoughtful or creative but at least it is never the wrong size.
When my second child was born, a coworker of mine (I'd known him a long time), dropped off a red envelope with $100 inside. (Yes, he's Chinese.) It was very much appreciated.
When our *other* coworker got married a month later...I pulled the $100 bill out of the red envelope and put it into a wedding card, ha!
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I don't mind them either. There's no law that you have to get anything off of them. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I also don't mind seeing things like the KitchenAid mixer. It's a high quality kitchen staple that should last decades, making it mustachian in my book. If it was for a relative, I'd probably ask one of my siblings if they wanted to go in on it.
What I do find stupid are registries full of toys or wheedling for somebody to fund a honeymoon. I often just write a check and that money could be used for anything, but to me there's something crass about asking guests to fund a honeymoon.
My niece and her fiancee did the honeymoon thing, but I didn't think it was crass at all. They'd been living together for 4 years and really didn't need anything. They had a website for it, and it was very much a "we don't need gifts but if you really feel inclined" and then they had cute options for different dollar amounts = different aspects of their honeymoon (which will be sometime in the next year when I help them plan it). Her mom is a huge keeper/collector of things, just like my mom, so I get my niece's need to be more minimalist in contrast. They also had a very nice but well within their means wedding, at a beautiful venue for half the price on a Monday. This is the same niece who talks to us for financial advise/retirement planning already, so I have high hopes for her!
As for my KitchenAid stand mixer, I received it as a Christmas gift from my now-husband over 11 years ago, right before we got engaged. We try to cook a LOT from scratch and it is the best thing ever. 11+ years and it's still going strong. I love that thing. When we got married we did a registry but we had a wide range of things on it with multiple price points. We still use most of the things from our wedding gifts actually! No $600 for tablecloths (or any tablecloths...) though, dang.
Ditto on the Kitchen Aid! A bunch of my friends (10?) got together and got it for me as a wedding gift. We've been married 10 years this month and I use it multiple times a week. But there's a difference between a bunch of people getting one for someone who loves to bake and will use it vs just a show piece.
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A lot of people register for expensive gifts that they don't expect people to buy them. They do it so they can use the "completion discount" at the store to get the item at a lower price. I'm not saying I agree or disagree with the practice, just that it is a thing.
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People are going to bring physical gifts, whether you want them or not, so unless you want a bunch of random stuff and 6 microwaves, you better have a wedding registry. Given that, registries are pretty common.
YES ^^^ After seeing a friend get three toaster ovens and my brother & sister-in-law get a bunch of fancy things they did not need at all - the husband and I made a registry. We had one more traditional at Target with the few kitchen and house things we didn't already have. The second was at REI since we really didn't need all that much of the kitchen and house stuff. People really liked getting things from the REI list and it gets used all the time.
An outdoor store registry!!! Why didn't we think of that??? Our elders would have never let that be - back then appearance, appearances... A pair of quality hiking boots would have been much more appealing than a crystal serving bowl - that hasn't ever been used (in two decades).
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People are going to bring physical gifts, whether you want them or not, so unless you want a bunch of random stuff and 6 microwaves, you better have a wedding registry. Given that, registries are pretty common.
YES ^^^ After seeing a friend get three toaster ovens and my brother & sister-in-law get a bunch of fancy things they did not need at all - the husband and I made a registry. We had one more traditional at Target with the few kitchen and house things we didn't already have. The second was at REI since we really didn't need all that much of the kitchen and house stuff. People really liked getting things from the REI list and it gets used all the time.
An outdoor store registry!!! Why didn't we think of that??? Our elders would have never let that be - back then appearance, appearances... A pair of quality hiking boots would have been much more appealing than a crystal serving bowl - that hasn't ever been used (in two decades).
That is such a brilliant idea. I wish I had known that an REI registry was a thing back when I got married!
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People are going to bring physical gifts, whether you want them or not, so unless you want a bunch of random stuff and 6 microwaves, you better have a wedding registry. Given that, registries are pretty common.
YES ^^^ After seeing a friend get three toaster ovens and my brother & sister-in-law get a bunch of fancy things they did not need at all - the husband and I made a registry. We had one more traditional at Target with the few kitchen and house things we didn't already have. The second was at REI since we really didn't need all that much of the kitchen and house stuff. People really liked getting things from the REI list and it gets used all the time.
An outdoor store registry!!! Why didn't we think of that??? Our elders would have never let that be - back then appearance, appearances... A pair of quality hiking boots would have been much more appealing than a crystal serving bowl - that hasn't ever been used (in two decades).
That is such a brilliant idea. I wish I had known that an REI registry was a thing back when I got married!
In addition to a more traditional registry, we also had a registry at Home Depot. One of our good friends bought us an axe, and then etched a epigram into the head. Still have it, of course. I love that axe.
Back to the OP, I'm just stunned that anyone would want 6 tablecloths. I have 0, which is exactly the number I want.
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An REI registry or requests for stuff like camping gear or video games is exactly the sort of thing that makes me roll my eyes. Home Depot (or the equivalent) makes perfectly good sense to me.
The beauty of all this is that one is free to buy off the registry or not as one sees fit.
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$60 salt and pepper shaker??? I got mine at 99 cents store LMAO!
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Updates to registry now include:
-Magic Bullet Blender System ($150)
-Vitamix Blender ($350)
-Breville Juicer ($250)
Still includes the food processor and Ninja blender system ($310).
Doesn't even make sense to have that many blenders/juicers. Maybe some of them will be removed at some point.
Currently, that's over $1000 of blending/juicing equipment!
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Long ago when I got married, we too thought "all we want is our guests' presence!" and didn't have a wedding gift registry. What ended up happening was that everybody we invited wanted to bring a gift anyway (we were just starting out, so we had zero stuff) and so we had 50 people calling my mom to find out what we needed. She did a good job keeping track of what she suggested our friends and family get for us, but if I were to do it again I'd just set up a registry and make it easy for people.
This--I was hounded into making a wedding registry by friends and family who insisted on getting us something and kept asking what we needed.
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An REI registry or requests for stuff like camping gear or video games is exactly the sort of thing that makes me roll my eyes. Home Depot (or the equivalent) makes perfectly good sense to me.
The beauty of all this is that one is free to buy off the registry or not as one sees fit.
Camping gear is a sight more entertaining (and healthy) than the crystal things that we have never used once in two decades! DW was in the kitchen looking at that stuff recently. I think it will go away soon. We won't ever use it. When our family gathers (once in a blue moon) we get eye-rollers when we bring out even the regular dishes b/c they have to be washed later. Bring out the disposable plates, cups and utensils we are encouraged!
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An REI registry or requests for stuff like camping gear or video games is exactly the sort of thing that makes me roll my eyes. Home Depot (or the equivalent) makes perfectly good sense to me.
The beauty of all this is that one is free to buy off the registry or not as one sees fit.
Camping gear is a sight more entertaining (and healthy) than the crystal things that we have never used once in two decades! DW was in the kitchen looking at that stuff recently. I think it will go away soon. We won't ever use it. When our family gathers (once in a blue moon) we get eye-rollers when we bring out even the regular dishes b/c they have to be washed later. Bring out the disposable plates, cups and utensils we are encouraged!
Yes, I would love to buy camping equipment off of a registry! I would imagine the couple out having fun with it and enjoying nature.
If they aren't home owners, they might not appreciate Home Depot. As a lifelong renter, I've maybe set foot in there once or twice, but I don't know what I would do with a gift certificate.
And that's the point of the registry -- it helps you to know what will be valued and useful so you don't have to do that guesswork.
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I think the whole thing with registries is slightly vulgar. The whole concept of planning a wedding budget around part of that being recouped seems to me to be slightly vulgar.
It's sad that weddings are now something to 'show off'. They really should be intimate affairs.
Yep.
I'm that cheap SOB who believes it when the invite says "No gifts. Your presence is enough." Maybe it was said with a wink or a knowing look but how am I to know?
A close friend had a charity registry. It was a generous list of charities that they liked.
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I think the whole thing with registries is slightly vulgar. The whole concept of planning a wedding budget around part of that being recouped seems to me to be slightly vulgar.
It's sad that weddings are now something to 'show off'. They really should be intimate affairs.
Yep.
I'm that cheap SOB who believes it when the invite says "No gifts. Your presence is enough." Maybe it was said with a wink or a knowing look but how am I to know?
A close friend had a charity registry. It was a generous list of charities that they liked.
I really wanted to do the charity registry - when we were getting married, we were already two adults who had lived away from parents for years, and had lived together nearly a year. We didn't need lots of dishes and pllows and stuff to set up a new household. But people really wanted to bring a gift, so we were bullied into adding some items onto our list. I put the charities at the top of the registry. Only one person donated, and it was a small donation in addition to a regular gift. People are weird.
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we basically created a registry because people kept asking us about it.
Then again the most expensive thing on the registry I think was a drill/driver set for about $150. lol.
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I think a wedding registry where the couple tells people what they want is disgusting. I would be embarrassed beyond belief if my fiancé were to do something like that. If they had such a sense of entitlement to other people's money that they put forward that list for others to see, I think I call off the wedding. That's how much it disgusts me.
Hrm, these have been pretty standard in the United States for at least the last twenty years, probably longer. Of course, you can opt out, but I think it's a little absurd to pretend that you think someone who wants to use one has some kind of moral failing.
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I think a wedding registry where the couple tells people what they want is disgusting. I would be embarrassed beyond belief if my fiancé were to do something like that. If they had such a sense of entitlement to other people's money that they put forward that list for others to see, I think I call off the wedding. That's how much it disgusts me.
Hrm, these have been pretty standard in the United States for at least the last twenty years, probably longer. Of course, you can opt out, but I think it's a little absurd to pretend that you think someone who wants to use one has some kind of moral failing.
Yep. A wedding registry is something that Macy's came up with in the 1920s.
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Registries made sense when people wanted nice china or crystal glassware or flatware. You could specify the pattern, and people could buy just a single place setting.... x 24 people and you now have a matching 8 piece place setting for entertaining.
It then grew from there and is kind of "ick" now, IMO as most gifts aren't going to be one piece of a set anymore.
Oh, and of course there are people that buy on the registry, and ask for the store to "mail" the items for them, or hold for pickup. But of course what they actually intend to do is return everything for cash, and they really don't want the items on the registry after all.
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I have heard of a British warehouse, that would keep track of your wedding registry for you: Aunt X has bought Y. Then you could send a thankyou note to Aunt X for Y, but never ever collect Y. Instead, you would get store credit for that amount.
At our own wedding, we had a courthouse ceremony with about 20 guests, at the Brussels Central Market Square (Brussels Grand Place - search it, it's lovely!), then a picknick at the petting zoo next to our apartment building. Dinner was cooked by two African ladies husband knows. We told the guests not to bring gifts, because we were planning on having the religious ceremony later in my hometown. However, I gave birth the day after our wedding, we moved apartments, money was tight, and the church wedding never happened. There was a religious ceremony and party in husband's African country, for which we had sent some money; did you know that for a muslim wedding, neither partner needs to be present? :)
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I have no issues with a registry. I think it just needs to be viewed as some possible suggestions for those who want suggestions. But anything from off-registry should of course be accepted gratefully and happily. I also think it helps to have a wide price range on one's registry. We actually got pushback initially for not having more higher priced items. (I don't think we had anything over $100, and probably few even close to that.) I was told that groups wanted to go in on nice things together, by several people. It felt awkward because it seemed somehow greedy but I reluctantly added a few more expensive items. (I remember a vacuum--though still a fairly modest model, and I added a larger tool set instead of the smaller piecemeal items we'd included. There may have been a couple others.)
I think they very much still have their place in modern society, but they are misused and abused. It's nice to know that they actually want a toaster (or have already been given one) and that the glassware you are buying is exactly what they want. If I'm spending $100 on a gift, I'm much rather it be something they love, rather than something that will do.
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My wife handled the registry and thank you cards (I signed and wrote a non-gift related note). Only gift I remember is my groomsmen getting me 2 30 pound dumbbells. They were about $70. He knew i wanted them, I was too cheap to buy myself, and I would use them for years to come. He also knew 90% of the registry were things only my wife would use.
In hindsight, I'm glad I didn't investigate. I don't really care about the gifts and feel it is another unnecessary custom to spend money, but I wouldn't be able to get my numbers mind past analyzing who brought what when if I opened that Pandora's box.
As a guest, I usually send $150 straight cash (more if in party). I think that probably comes close to covering our meals and in the area where it doesn't stand out either way.
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I think the whole thing with registries is slightly vulgar. The whole concept of planning a wedding budget around part of that being recouped seems to me to be slightly vulgar.
It's sad that weddings are now something to 'show off'. They really should be intimate affairs.
Yep.
I'm that cheap SOB who believes it when the invite says "No gifts. Your presence is enough." Maybe it was said with a wink or a knowing look but how am I to know?
A close friend had a charity registry. It was a generous list of charities that they liked.
I like the charity registry.
Funny how so many of the customs (and holidays) we have involve buying stuff. I'd rather just enjoy people's time and presence.
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I like a wedding registry. A good one should have things in a range of prices. It gives a good idea of what people actually want.
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A friend was getting married and I saw that there were tea towels and fondue forks that no one bought, so I bought both. Through the grapevine, I found out that people were saying I was cheap.
Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (1) it was on the registry, so you're welcome, and (2) the real gift is the check I give you at your wedding.
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A friend was getting married and I saw that there were tea towels and fondue forks that no one bought, so I bought both. Through the grapevine, I found out that people were saying I was cheap.
Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (1) it was on the registry, so you're welcome, and (2) the real gift is the check I give you at your wedding.
So the wedding hasn't happened yet? And people are already judging the gift in total? If those "people" are the couple, I'd be reconsidering some things.
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When I get married I am having a 'no gifts allowed' policy.
Sigh. Decades ago my parents imsisted on giving a reception after our courthouse wedding, one they put on. I told them I didnt want gifts at all. They took that to mean they should put a statement on the invitation “no gifts please.” Double Sigh, that is tacky. But whatever.
We still got stuff. We also got cash.
It wont work.people are compelled to give unnecessarily.
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In another twist on this, our local Kiwanis club does an annual "Community Baby Shower" which collects new and gently used baby items for teen moms, new foster moms, young parents in shelters, and even new grandparents in need. They ask for the usual baby clothes, bottles, diapers, socks and gift cards.
But to make it easy they have set up a registry at Target so you can do an online donation which they will pick up. Volunteers then set up an actual baby shower to which these moms/grandparents are invited. I think it's a great way to help get baby necessities to those in need in the community.
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Talking about outrageous wedding registries, I received an electronic wedding invitation last year:
1) I didn't know the couple and had to ask around town to find out who the bride and groom were.
2) The bride had invited everyone in a several local organizations regardless of how well she knew them (as in took the online mailing lists and spammed everyone, everywhere, repeatedly.)
3) Every communication linked to an online wedding registry site that in addition to traditional items like towels, crockery, furniture & sporting equipment, included; donate $ for the bride's dress, donate $ for the bride's hair, donate for the flowers, on down the list including the photographer, dance lessons, hall rental, honeymoon and home improvements (new windows & a fridge). I added it all up and the wish list came to over $75,000.
I rounded up some easily entertained friends who had also received invitations and we decided to attend in a gaggle just to see what would happen. The response to my RSVP was an email asking guests to BYO food & beverages. As the date got closer, another email arrived asking everyone to BYO a chair. I considered that plus a modest gift off the registry well worth the price of admission to see a bunch of well dressed total strangers mill about awkwardly carrying chairs and covered dishes waiting to be herded into a group photo. The Bride and Groom didn't bother to greet any of us during the reception and were heard to complain that the guests had started eating the food before they had a chance to get first pick.
I'm a huge fan of only having the size wedding you can afford, so I have no issue with the BYO food, beverages & seating arrangements. I happily brought all three. I can even see the logic behind asking for cash donations for the flower girl's dresses and the gifts for the best men. My complaint? The bride recently started posting items for sale on a local buy/sell website (that many of us also belong to). You get one guess as to what she's selling off....
Update on this couple: I heard this morning from a reliable source that the couple have split up. This news comes less than one year after the wedding.
Edited to add: I checked the on-line registry. Its still live if you want to get the couple a lovely parting gift.
that would be nice to share...
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A friend was getting married and I saw that there were tea towels and fondue forks that no one bought, so I bought both. Through the grapevine, I found out that people were saying I was cheap.
Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (1) it was on the registry, so you're welcome, and (2) the real gift is the check I give you at your wedding.
So the wedding hasn't happened yet? And people are already judging the gift in total? If those "people" are the couple, I'd be reconsidering some things.
This was years ago, but yes, we were judged by idiots.
More recently, some relatives are getting married and doing a no-kids wedding at a venue I can't get to at that time. The bride and her siblings were at my wedding as kids, but that's how I wanted my wedding - at a fancy venue, and with kids. [*cough cough, I didn't pay for it]
When I heard they were paying for it themselves, I handed the couple $500 and let them know I'll hate to miss it, but it looks like I'll have to.
Honestly, I won't be missed by these family member, and my not showing up is a help to the young couple.
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During the NCAA Tournament in March, word got out that University of Virginia player Kyle Guy and his fiancee had to take down their wedding registry because UVA fans apparently were buying them stuff and this was an NCAA violation. There was much back and forth about whether or not this was the case.
Kyle Guy goes on to lead UVA to the national title and is named the tournament's Most Outstanding Player. He goes pro early and is drafted by the Sacramento Kings in the second round. He's getting married this weekend. Looking at their registry -- and they have them for Amazon, Crate & Barrel and others, and what's been purchased, it's clear that he's either having a huge wedding (unlikely because it's in Hawaii) or fans have jumped back on his registry.
https://registry.theknot.com/alexa-jenkins-kyle-guy-july-2019-hi/23573211
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A friend was getting married and I saw that there were tea towels and fondue forks that no one bought, so I bought both. Through the grapevine, I found out that people were saying I was cheap.
Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (1) it was on the registry, so you're welcome, and (2) the real gift is the check I give you at your wedding.
So the wedding hasn't happened yet? And people are already judging the gift in total? If those "people" are the couple, I'd be reconsidering some things.
This was years ago, but yes, we were judged by idiots.
More recently, some relatives are getting married and doing a no-kids wedding at a venue I can't get to at that time. The bride and her siblings were at my wedding as kids, but that's how I wanted my wedding - at a fancy venue, and with kids. [*couch couch, I didn't pay for it]
When I heard they were paying for it themselves, I handed the couple $500 and let them know I'll hate to miss it, but it looks like I'll have to.
Honestly, I won't be missed by these family member, and my not showing up is a help to the young couple.
Years ago, for my (now) SIL's wedding gift I bought a bedspread (I think it was $120 or more, and we also gave $100 cash) from a trendy store. My Mother in law saw it the week before, when I showed it to her (I was young! Stupid me), and told me that SIL would not like it. Even now, I think SIL would have liked it just fine (it was neutral) and it was not MIL's taste, but... So I gave it to my nephew for Christmas instead and did not increase the cash portion of the gift to SIL.
People judging gifts (even gifts not intended for them) just results in less gifts given. Man, if someone ever complained about a gift I gave or there were rumours, I would cheefully offer to take it back for them, cheefully accept it and not return with something else or more cash.
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A friend was getting married and I saw that there were tea towels and fondue forks that no one bought, so I bought both. Through the grapevine, I found out that people were saying I was cheap.
Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (1) it was on the registry, so you're welcome, and (2) the real gift is the check I give you at your wedding.
So the wedding hasn't happened yet? And people are already judging the gift in total? If those "people" are the couple, I'd be reconsidering some things.
This was years ago, but yes, we were judged by idiots.
More recently, some relatives are getting married and doing a no-kids wedding at a venue I can't get to at that time. The bride and her siblings were at my wedding as kids, but that's how I wanted my wedding - at a fancy venue, and with kids. [*couch couch, I didn't pay for it]
When I heard they were paying for it themselves, I handed the couple $500 and let them know I'll hate to miss it, but it looks like I'll have to.
Honestly, I won't be missed by these family member, and my not showing up is a help to the young couple.
Years ago, for my (now) SIL's wedding gift I bought a bedspread (I think it was $120 or more, and we also gave $100 cash) from a trendy store. My Mother in law saw it the week before, when I showed it to her (I was young! Stupid me), and told me that SIL would not like it. Even now, I think SIL would have liked it just fine (it was neutral) and it was not MIL's taste, but... So I gave it to my nephew for Christmas instead and did not increase the cash portion of the gift to SIL.
People judging gifts (even gifts not intended for them) just results in less gifts given. Man, if someone ever complained about a gift I gave or there were rumours, I would cheefully offer to take it back for them, cheefully accept it and not return with something else or more cash.
... and never bother them in the future with a similar gift.
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I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.). Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh
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I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.). Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh
Def. Also, your mom may be thinking I gave and gave, and now my child gets some of it back. I've heard it said that you will be given a lot of gifts at your wedding, and will slowly pay them back over 20-30 years.
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I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.). Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh
Def. Also, your mom may be thinking I gave and gave, and now my child gets some of it back. I've heard it said that you will be given a lot of gifts at your wedding, and will slowly pay them back over 20-30 years.
Or, pay them forward to the next generation. I think that's how the theory goes. In practice, the people who get the most gifts are often the ones who end up *not* acknowledging other people's milestones.
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I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.). Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh
We went through demands by our elders. Tacky was a word used. People's expectations was another. We encouraged not to register for ordinary home things b/c we were told that people expected to buy formal gifts.
You do you. Maybe ponder your elder's guidance but times change. My elders were all about special clothes, silver and porcelain, and long white gloves up to the ladys' elbows, etc etc.
We didn't need or want those things. Looking back we should gently stood our ground better.
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Sometimes you can shift the "traditionalists" towards furniture on a registry.
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Does anyone really want to receive an invitation to / attend another person’s wedding? Be honest. I kind of think most people would rather do something else with their time and money. Not that they can’t be happy for the couple and share the joy verbally and maybe look at some photos after the fact. But wedding ceremonies in whatever form are very intimate moments in people’s lives. Or should be. I’m always rather embarrassed to be witnessing it.
I love weddings. I will happily go to everything single wedding I can. Getting dressed up, hanging out with old friends or family, breaking it down on the dance floor. I am here for ALL OF IT.
I generally don't, but my wedding was very important to me, and about 180 people came and gave generously. Because of this, I have a debt to pay back/forward.
And so, I write checks in the range of $250-500, depending on the relationships, and how much they're parents have given to me and my kids.
A couple months back I was at a baby shower for a cousin who has been a snot, to put it kindly. But her parents never forget to send my kids $50 every birthday. On the bright side, it was a VERY GOOD shower, and by VERY GOOD, I mean there was a bottle of 12 year old scotch.
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Does anyone really want to receive an invitation to / attend another person’s wedding? Be honest. I kind of think most people would rather do something else with their time and money. Not that they can’t be happy for the couple and share the joy verbally and maybe look at some photos after the fact. But wedding ceremonies in whatever form are very intimate moments in people’s lives. Or should be. I’m always rather embarrassed to be witnessing it.
I wouldn't attend anyone's destination wedding, but in general I like weddings. I see them as a community and family celebration of two people joining, not as some painfully intimate thing. Obviously the couple has their own very intimate moments, but the actual wedding is a celebration for the people in their community.
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Does anyone really want to receive an invitation to / attend another person’s wedding? Be honest. I kind of think most people would rather do something else with their time and money. Not that they can’t be happy for the couple and share the joy verbally and maybe look at some photos after the fact. But wedding ceremonies in whatever form are very intimate moments in people’s lives. Or should be. I’m always rather embarrassed to be witnessing it.
If your question is specific to the ceremony, not the reception, then I definitely am up for attending for people I know well. The witnessing the rite in front of your community is very important to the act of marriage. That is the important part.
I like a good meal and party, too!
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I love attending weddings of friends. It is a way to celebrate with them an important milestone in their lives. That said I don't generally attend weddings where I have to travel/fly to get there as I have limited annual leave and vacation funds.
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I think a wedding registry where guests can share what they are gifting with other guests is a useful custom. It helps prevent getting 6 microwaves instead of 6 different gifts. I can see the use in that.
I think a wedding registry where the couple tells people what they want is disgusting. I would be embarrassed beyond belief if my fiancé were to do something like that. If they had such a sense of entitlement to other people's money that they put forward that list for others to see, I think I call off the wedding. That's how much it disgusts me.
It seems like our cultural and commercial systems are set up for the latter, even if your intention is to provide your guests with the former. Is that not the case? How are you handling this question?
(As for the OP... perhaps she felt obligated to provide her guests with many options? Surely she does not actually expect or want three different knife sets? Surely???)
How did we handle it? We invited people to our wedding without any expectation of gifts from anyone. And we said thank you for everything we received. That's the sum total of what we did to handle it.
Agreed. I wouldn't waste my life energy listing all that crap on a store registry.
But as to the OP, Because I love my rice cooker and I think it’s a wonderful invention, I might just pony up to buy a rice cooker for someone. But my own rice cooker was closer to $45. And the instapot I have at our weekend house was $12.00 at the thrift store.
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I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.). Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh
I think the reason lots of people think honeymoon registries are tacky is because most (all?) are kind of a sham. If I click on the button to pay $250 for a day of scuba diving, most just give the couple $250 in cash. So it feels somewhat akin to registering for a bunch of housewares with the intent to just return them for cash. And I think some people, especially older people, like to imagine a BIFL gift that you will look at 20 years from now and think, "ah, aunt Susie gave us that lovely cut crystal vase"!
You might consider a charity registry, if that would appease both your mom and your minimalism. Or a charity registry along with a modest "traditional" registry, so that the sticklers in the bunch can at least get you something that might be useful (new towels to replace the fraying ones, a nice picture frame that is actually your taste and can hold a wedding photo, even if it it's way more than you'd usually spend on a frame, etc.).
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I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.). Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh
I think the reason lots of people think honeymoon registries are tacky is because most (all?) are kind of a sham. If I click on the button to pay $250 for a day of scuba diving, most just give the couple $250 in cash. So it feels somewhat akin to registering for a bunch of housewares with the intent to just return them for cash. And I think some people, especially older people, like to imagine a BIFL gift that you will look at 20 years from now and think, "ah, aunt Susie gave us that lovely cut crystal vase"!
You might consider a charity registry, if that would appease both your mom and your minimalism. Or a charity registry along with a modest "traditional" registry, so that the sticklers in the bunch can at least get you something that might be useful (new towels to replace the fraying ones, a nice picture frame that is actually your taste and can hold a wedding photo, even if it it's way more than you'd usually spend on a frame, etc.).
Agreed- and if someone pays for a dolphin experience they’re going to expect you use it for that, but if you don’t get enough for flights and stuff the extras like excursions may get cut. It’s literally asking for cash, which everyone already knows is a good gift. Plus a check or cash goes 100% to you, where a honeymoon registry takes a cut.
For couples who don’t need much I would recommend a small registry of things you’d like but don’t have yet or would like to upgrade from college-ware to high quality long lasting items. That satisfies the people who insist on giving a physical gift and would otherwise show up with a crystal vase you’ll never use, and most people are smart enough to realize if you don’t need much that cash would be best. I just was in a wedding where the couple did this and they mostly got cards with checks in them.
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Mom: You MUST have a registry.
Me: But we don't need anything.
Mom: What about china?
Me: Oooh, We'd love to go!
Mom: ...
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You might consider a charity registry, if that would appease both your mom and your minimalism. Or a charity registry along with a modest "traditional" registry, so that the sticklers in the bunch can at least get you something that might be useful (new towels to replace the fraying ones, a nice picture frame that is actually your taste and can hold a wedding photo, even if it it's way more than you'd usually spend on a frame, etc.).
Thanks! We'll probably do this. It even got mom's approval lol
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My ex-wife and I were completing college and moving from one state to another. We had a wedding registry and very little to our name. But it was a simple one for starting our new lives together. Towels, sheets, blankets, toaster, cookware, silverware, etc. We were thankful to our friends and relatives.
Yep, this was us. Both of us had recently graduated college and had nothing. So basic household items, linens is what was on the list.