There's stuff about my DH that drives me bonkers in my own marriage, too (just not this particular thing). I'm vaguely aware that there are things about me that drive him crazy, too. We've only been married 4 years, not 20.
I remember reading somewhere that all marriages actually contain "irreconcilable differences" and the successful ones have partners who are willing to just let the annoying stuff go. That's controversial advice, since some things are not a good idea to just "let go", but when both parties are acting in good faith and are equally committed to the relationship, I think it's helpful.
"Letting it go" is easier said then done, I've found. Strategies: focusing on the good instead of the bad, remembering my own irritating stuff that he's dealing with gracefully, and, um...alcohol? Selective hearing? The occasional blow-up followed by a thoughtful though passionate discussion of how things should have been dealt with differently? And...gratitude for a relatively successful long-term relationship (I was single for a loooong time).
I think dumplings are a pretty good metaphor for just one of those things that kinda sucks but whatever, if you're gonna be in a long-term relationship, something is gonna suck.