Oh goodness - just discovered this thread and I've got about 24 years of frustration at my dad to unload, so buckle up.
My dad is one of those people where he really does seem to have a string of bad luck, but made 10x worse by his own poor decisions. He grew up pretty poor (dad was a minister, mom a SAHM), which is always resented and has since developed a pretty serious hoarding and spending addiction - more on that later.
He and my mom divorced when I was 6 and split custody 50/50, so he became a single parent, which he was not prepared for. He loved us and was trying his best, but didn't "get" the really basics of childrearing, even when my brother and I were pretty explicit about what we wanted and needed. To start, the house was absolutely packed with stuff. In a three bedroom condo, he had about a dozen guitars, a massive workout system he never used, approximately 5,000 books, over 1,000 DVDs and VHS, 200 fishing rods, etc. My brother and I shared a room with a bunk bed and we shared a bunk because he would buy us so much crap that we had to store some of it on the top bunk. Any time we tried to throw something out or donate it, he would intercept and lecture us about how he had spent a lot of money on it and it was going to be a collectible one day. Because of his resentment about his own poverty, he would constantly buy us stuff we never asked for, but didn't really get the basics.
My brother and I never wanted anything physical - we had some specific requests, but those were things like:
- Our own rooms when we were teenagers and since we're opposite genders
- A house that was clean enough to make us not feel ill or that we could have friends over
- Room on the dining room table to have family meals together
- To be dropped off at school on time, rather than 15 minutes late every single day
- The ability to toss expired food out of the fridge
- Re-home our incredibly hyper dog, who had no yard in that house and peed and pooped everywhere and was a nervous wreck with all the pent up energy
- Clothes that fit us
Unfortunately, my dad never saw fit to give us any of the above, but he did decide that we needed the following:
- Tickets to two different Rolling Stones concerts, both when we were under 13 years old (we like the band alot, but both fell asleep at both concerts since we were so young)
- TV in every single room of the house
- Every kitchen gadget under the sun
- Tickets for other expensive shows (Ringley Brothers, Harlem Globetrotters)
- A new suit every time he had a job interview (he was unemployed or underemployed for about 10 years, so there were a lot of suits)
A couple years after the divorce, he decided to go back to school for business, ultimately getting his MBA (yay!). However, it took him about 8 years to finish, worked only part time the whole time, and he took out the maximum amount of student loans he could and lived off whatever was left after paying tuition, without ever applying for grants or scholarships (boo!). Unfortunately, he discovered that the entry level jobs for someone in their early 50s with a new degree and no prior experience paid less than his base expenses, so to date, he has not used his business degree. He did find full time work about 10 years ago, thank god, but has saved pretty much no money and maxed out his credit cards.
Fast forward to today - both my brother and I have moved out and live on our own. Due to our age, we are both still on his dental insurance plan, but have otherwise received no aid or help from him (not that we need or want it). As soon as we were gone, he very quickly filled our room with more crap and stuff. Fortunately, he is too proud to ask his kids for money, but he complains about how broke he is frequently, while also doing the following:
- He has a boat in the garage that has not been on the water in over a decade and likely does not run anymore. He will not sell it because "he could never afford a boat like that again"
- He has two gas guzzling cars (Tahoe and a Pilot), one of which is constantly getting tickets/towed because he forgets to move it for street cleaning. Will not sell the older/crappier Tahoe because "the Pilot can't tow the boat"
- Probably spends $200-$500/mo on various collections, including hats, knives, musical instruments and accessories, and books. Currently has more books than he could possibly read in his lifetime
- Hoards mail and never reads it, so constantly paying fines for late payments, missed appointments, etc.
- Pays for premium cable, even though there is no show he really enjoys watching, he just wants the noise, I guess
He is also the type that always has advice for everyone else's finances and is baffled that it never works out for him. For example, after the 2016 election, he sold all of his stocks/funds and subsequently missed out on the 20%+ boom in the market. When my fiance and I started looking for a house, he first told us that we would never be able to put 20% down on a place in LA, then he offered to buy one with us so he could get out of his horrible condo and HOA. I politely nodded at the first (we just bought a house under market value with 19% down after two years of saving) and politely declined the offer (there is no way I'm tying my finances to his or dealing with his hoard). Unfortunately, he has a lot of health problems already and practically no savings, so I imagine my brother and I will have to support him to some degree when he eventually retires. In the meantime, every time he acquires some new piece of crap, I imagine the months its going to take us to clear out his place when he passes away, and I get angry thinking that I have to plan to support him financially because he doesn't see how every money decision he makes is the wrong one.