Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 1039940 times)

Nangirl17

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2950 on: May 14, 2017, 02:53:20 PM »
I was chatting with my brother yesterday who is mid-30s. He was complaining that it is non-optional that money gets taken off his paycheque each month for his pension (and matched by his employer). I made the point that he would want to save it anyway, and he objected saying that he wouldn't want to save that much - $400!!!

And in the next breath saying he wished he could retire in 10 years...
hm... cause and effect, bro. SMH



Abo345

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2951 on: May 15, 2017, 04:27:09 PM »
Despite having a fully paid off operable vehicle, my MIL decided she needed a hybrid electric car. It would've cost about $38,000 to purchase but decided to lease the car instead. Cheaper payments! Plus she will save so much on gas!

After 3 years she has put about 8,000 miles total on the leased car, which is no surprise as she almost never leaves the house and if she does, never goes more than 3 miles away from home. She loves to brag how her gas bill for the whole year was like $50. Never mind the fact she saved a measly $500 a year in gas in her old car but paid over $3000 a year in lease payments plus higher insurance on top of that. She even decided to pay extra payments on the lease even though this does not lower the residual amount, so basically gives you a return of 0%. She just thought it would be a good idea to pay extra on the lease.

The lease is up, she can buy out the car for $20k. But instead she returns it, she needs the new model! And one with more bells and whistles!! The new fancier model is about $45k because it is all decked out. She can buy it new and loves to show off she can get 0% financing because her credit score is so good! Car payment will be $750 a month! But instead, goes with a lease again.

This, coming from the same person who constantly complains she can't afford to fly to see her kids, ever take a vacation, hire someone to work on the deferred maintenance on their house, etc...


JLee

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2952 on: May 16, 2017, 01:43:51 AM »
Some people seem to be more prone to drama than others...

Second or third cousins.  The wife decided to sell the home three years ago and move to be closer to her sister.  To a bigger home with a gourmet kitchen.  Shortly afterwards, she starts complaining about the mortgage costs.  She can only work part time for health reasons.  Her husband, well, can't keep a job,  bad temper and all.   But someone gave them a mortgage and now they have a nice home with a gourmet kitchen.  The wife and her sister don't meet much - we hear complaints that the sister seems to be avoiding the wife.

There is more.  Last month, the wife decided to buy a new car, a Cadillac or a Lincoln to boot.  So her husband went out and bought a new car as well.  Two days ago... the wife didn't stop on time and hit a truck stopped at a red light from the back. Six and half thousand dollars to fix the front end where it came into an intimate contact with the truck.   They used to be just house poor.  Now they are car-poor, too.

Either their insurance will cover it or they paid cash for their vehicles.  Nobody will give you a loan without comprehensive/collision coverage.

They could have paid for the damages out of pocket.

I use to work for an insurance company. People would call up and cancel their insurance all the time after driving their car off the lot, as they couldn't afford the premiums

I wonder how surprised they are when their bank calls their loan...

faithless

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2953 on: May 16, 2017, 08:02:39 AM »
Despite having a fully paid off operable vehicle, my MIL decided she needed a hybrid electric car. It would've cost about $38,000 to purchase but decided to lease the car instead. Cheaper payments! Plus she will save so much on gas!

After 3 years she has put about 8,000 miles total on the leased car, which is no surprise as she almost never leaves the house and if she does, never goes more than 3 miles away from home. She loves to brag how her gas bill for the whole year was like $50. Never mind the fact she saved a measly $500 a year in gas in her old car but paid over $3000 a year in lease payments plus higher insurance on top of that. She even decided to pay extra payments on the lease even though this does not lower the residual amount, so basically gives you a return of 0%. She just thought it would be a good idea to pay extra on the lease.

The lease is up, she can buy out the car for $20k. But instead she returns it, she needs the new model! And one with more bells and whistles!! The new fancier model is about $45k because it is all decked out. She can buy it new and loves to show off she can get 0% financing because her credit score is so good! Car payment will be $750 a month! But instead, goes with a lease again.

This, coming from the same person who constantly complains she can't afford to fly to see her kids, ever take a vacation, hire someone to work on the deferred maintenance on their house, etc...

Argh!!! This is making me mad!

Zoot

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2954 on: May 16, 2017, 09:55:14 AM »
Relative who shall remain nameless (age roughly 70) is planning to buy a new refrigerator because the ice maker is broken, and to buy a new oven because (I can't even believe I'm typing this) the oven is "embarrassingly" dirty on the inside and she "doesn't get inside ovens."

Yes, she is buying a new oven because the oven is dirty.  She doesn't know if the oven has a self-cleaning cycle (which would mean that she would not have to "get inside" it to clean it), and doesn't want to try to find out.

DH and I offered to clean it for her next time we visit (cross-country travel involved, so likely not until Christmas), and to help her find a fridge repair service for the ice maker, but she doesn't want to wait that long.

The mind boggles.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2955 on: May 16, 2017, 11:26:27 AM »
Relative who shall remain nameless (age roughly 70) is planning to buy a new refrigerator because the ice maker is broken

LOL, my house came with the fridge and freezer and it didn't contain an ice maker. When I was looking for roommates one potential asked about that and I shrugged saying, "It came with the house, I wasn't about to go out and buy it for ice." He nodded and smiled and said, "Hell if I really want ice that bad I'll just buy a bag." He moved in not long afterwards and has been a pleasure to have as a roommate.

cakie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2956 on: May 16, 2017, 02:21:34 PM »
Do people not know about that fancy invention - the ice cube tray?? You can even get ones in silly shapes! I've never owned a fridge with an ice maker, even my new one bought last year doesn't have this feature?

AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2957 on: May 16, 2017, 02:35:44 PM »
Maybe she just really wants a fridge and oven that gets The Twitter and The Facebook so she can see pics of the grand-babies that someone never seems to get around to snail mailing :-) .  Is she just making excuses to get a new appliances?  If she wants new ones and can afford it she should go for it and skip the dumb excuse. 

Personally I see no need to own smart appliances like "Talkie Toaster the chirpy breakfast companion" but someone might if it were cold outside, since there is no kind of atmosphere, and they are all alone. 
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Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2958 on: May 17, 2017, 08:34:33 AM »
I'll kill a talking breakfast appliance unless it was a talking coffee maker trying to calm me and make it better until the coffee was done... ;)

Some refrigerators come without an ice maker but there are screw holes and slots to easily add one. I bought one some years ago to retrofit a fridge and it was cheap as I recall. They are fridge specific of course. I had to run a water (I chose copper) line under the kitchen and tap into a copper water line but it was crazy easy and cheap too.

I did ice trays for years. I like my ice - part of my summer survival equipment. Ice+tea or ice+water. Repeat often.

Kitsune

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2959 on: May 17, 2017, 08:56:41 AM »
You can also buy an ice maker that isn't connected to a fridge... I think I saw some for about 150.
Which... I'd rather that than add a part to my fridge  that, according to EEVRY repair person I've spoken to, is flimsy and breaks more than anything else ever.

Ok, I'd rather use trays and buy bags of ice for parties if needed. But. Yknow.

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2960 on: May 17, 2017, 11:44:10 AM »
I'll kill a talking breakfast appliance unless it was a talking coffee maker trying to calm me and make it better until the coffee was done... ;)

Some refrigerators come without an ice maker but there are screw holes and slots to easily add one. I bought one some years ago to retrofit a fridge and it was cheap as I recall. They are fridge specific of course. I had to run a water (I chose copper) line under the kitchen and tap into a copper water line but it was crazy easy and cheap too.

I did ice trays for years. I like my ice - part of my summer survival equipment. Ice+tea or ice+water. Repeat often.
I have ice trays at home (when we bought our fridge in 2001, didn't think we needed an ice maker).
My company fridge is essentially the same one, with an ice maker.  It broke.  Let me tell you, the morale was looking really low for a month with no ice.  And someone had taken our ice cube trays years ago.  Luckily, they replaced the ice maker.

JLee

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2961 on: May 17, 2017, 11:38:11 PM »
I'll kill a talking breakfast appliance unless it was a talking coffee maker trying to calm me and make it better until the coffee was done... ;)

Some refrigerators come without an ice maker but there are screw holes and slots to easily add one. I bought one some years ago to retrofit a fridge and it was cheap as I recall. They are fridge specific of course. I had to run a water (I chose copper) line under the kitchen and tap into a copper water line but it was crazy easy and cheap too.

I did ice trays for years. I like my ice - part of my summer survival equipment. Ice+tea or ice+water. Repeat often.
I have ice trays at home (when we bought our fridge in 2001, didn't think we needed an ice maker).
My company fridge is essentially the same one, with an ice maker.  It broke.  Let me tell you, the morale was looking really low for a month with no ice.  And someone had taken our ice cube trays years ago.  Luckily, they replaced the ice maker.

The fridge that came with my house has an ice maker.  I like it.  It also has an integrated water filter / instant cold filtered water.

paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2962 on: May 18, 2017, 06:33:15 AM »
You can also buy an ice maker that isn't connected to a fridge... I think I saw some for about 150.
Which... I'd rather that than add a part to my fridge  that, according to EEVRY repair person I've spoken to, is flimsy and breaks more than anything else ever.

Ok, I'd rather use trays and buy bags of ice for parties if needed. But. Yknow.

We have a small stand alone icemaker for use in our RV.  My wife is an ice junkie, seriously. I could give a rat's ass if the the last cube on the planet melted yesterday. We have this little monument to consumerism for  two reasons. First, the RV freezer is small, so it's ice cube tray production or use the space for the normal freezer goods, not both. Second, we were at an RV show and they had a deal, with the $150 machine marked down to $99, then another 50% off.  That said, the thing makes ridiculously poor quality ice. The process involves spraying water on to the ceiling of the unit where it clings to small stainless steel probes. These freeze and provide a hollow bullet shaped "cube". The machine has to heat the probes to release the cubes. The finished product is soft, air filled, and barely at freezing. Useless as tits on a mule, IMHO.  The wife loves it :)

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2963 on: May 18, 2017, 07:29:15 AM »
We have a stand alone ice maker at work. Looks like a tall college dorm room fridge. Makes good ice faster than we can use it. During the summer we're all get scoops of ice for our water. Healthier than the vending machine. 

Spiffy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2964 on: May 18, 2017, 01:56:56 PM »
We have a stand alone ice maker at work. Looks like a tall college dorm room fridge. Makes good ice faster than we can use it. During the summer we're all get scoops of ice for our water. Healthier than the vending machine.
I use the ice machine at work all the time. It is fine, but I would rather have the little crunchy ice bits like you get from some fast food places. The work one make big chunks. Hey, we Texans are particular about our ice. At the end of the fiscal year we spend stupid amounts of money because, you know...use it or loose it. This year I voted for a new ice maker (we don't actually get to vote, but we get to throw out ideas) but no, this year we all got new office chairs and standing desk things to raise the computer. And yes, I pointed out how stupid it was to get both of those items.

solon

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2965 on: May 18, 2017, 02:07:43 PM »
We have a stand alone ice maker at work. Looks like a tall college dorm room fridge. Makes good ice faster than we can use it. During the summer we're all get scoops of ice for our water. Healthier than the vending machine.
I use the ice machine at work all the time. It is fine, but I would rather have the little crunchy ice bits like you get from some fast food places. The work one make big chunks. Hey, we Texans are particular about our ice. At the end of the fiscal year we spend stupid amounts of money because, you know...use it or loose it. This year I voted for a new ice maker (we don't actually get to vote, but we get to throw out ideas) but no, this year we all got new office chairs and standing desk things to raise the computer. And yes, I pointed out how stupid it was to get both of those items.

Are you kidding? I would kill for a standing desk! Count your blessings!

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2966 on: May 18, 2017, 02:10:32 PM »
We have a stand alone ice maker at work. Looks like a tall college dorm room fridge. Makes good ice faster than we can use it. During the summer we're all get scoops of ice for our water. Healthier than the vending machine.
I use the ice machine at work all the time. It is fine, but I would rather have the little crunchy ice bits like you get from some fast food places. The work one make big chunks. Hey, we Texans are particular about our ice. At the end of the fiscal year we spend stupid amounts of money because, you know...use it or loose it. This year I voted for a new ice maker (we don't actually get to vote, but we get to throw out ideas) but no, this year we all got new office chairs and standing desk things to raise the computer. And yes, I pointed out how stupid it was to get both of those items.

Are you kidding? I would kill for a standing desk! Count your blessings!
Standing desk + treadmill.  That's the dream.

AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2967 on: May 18, 2017, 02:27:00 PM »
We have a stand alone ice maker at work. Looks like a tall college dorm room fridge. Makes good ice faster than we can use it. During the summer we're all get scoops of ice for our water. Healthier than the vending machine.
I use the ice machine at work all the time. It is fine, but I would rather have the little crunchy ice bits like you get from some fast food places. The work one make big chunks. Hey, we Texans are particular about our ice. At the end of the fiscal year we spend stupid amounts of money because, you know...use it or loose it. This year I voted for a new ice maker (we don't actually get to vote, but we get to throw out ideas) but no, this year we all got new office chairs and standing desk things to raise the computer. And yes, I pointed out how stupid it was to get both of those items.

Are you kidding? I would kill for a standing desk! Count your blessings!
Standing desk + treadmill.  That's the dream.

Hand crank ones are like 400$
https://www.multitable.com/standing-desk-gallery/
Mine works well, half the time I lean on a stool like the desk is a drafting board. 
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Cassie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2968 on: May 18, 2017, 04:16:52 PM »
In the door ice makers break frequently. Ours did at 4 years and the price to fix it was 250 so back to ice cube trays for us. The refrigerator died and we bought one that has an icemaker but not in the door. You open the freezer and the ice has fallen into a basket.  We were told these will last much longer.

Rural

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2969 on: May 19, 2017, 03:47:27 AM »
Ours has an ice maker and we did run a water line for it when we built (when you're on a slab you get one chance to put in a drain). But we've never hooked it up as it's a pain and a trap for bacteria. Just use ice cube trays.

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2970 on: May 19, 2017, 02:45:52 PM »
We have a stand alone ice maker at work. Looks like a tall college dorm room fridge. Makes good ice faster than we can use it. During the summer we're all get scoops of ice for our water. Healthier than the vending machine.
I use the ice machine at work all the time. It is fine, but I would rather have the little crunchy ice bits like you get from some fast food places. The work one make big chunks. Hey, we Texans are particular about our ice. At the end of the fiscal year we spend stupid amounts of money because, you know...use it or loose it. This year I voted for a new ice maker (we don't actually get to vote, but we get to throw out ideas) but no, this year we all got new office chairs and standing desk things to raise the computer. And yes, I pointed out how stupid it was to get both of those items.

Oh I understand the smaller ice. I prefer that too.

Jakejake

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2971 on: May 21, 2017, 09:10:44 AM »
Relative who shall remain nameless (age roughly 70) is planning to buy a new refrigerator because the ice maker is broken, and to buy a new oven because (I can't even believe I'm typing this) the oven is "embarrassingly" dirty on the inside and she "doesn't get inside ovens."

Yes, she is buying a new oven because the oven is dirty.  She doesn't know if the oven has a self-cleaning cycle (which would mean that she would not have to "get inside" it to clean it), and doesn't want to try to find out.

DH and I offered to clean it for her next time we visit (cross-country travel involved, so likely not until Christmas), and to help her find a fridge repair service for the ice maker, but she doesn't want to wait that long.

The mind boggles.

I can understand the oven problem. It may not be that it's "embarrassingly dirty." Embarrassingly dirty could be code for she can't use it without getting smoke, and can't wait most of a year to fix it.  It may be, like mine, that it's gotten to the point where it's smoking. We've switched off the heat for the summer, but it was cold this morning and my husband turned on the oven to warm up the kitchen. That eventually set off the smoke alarm - which woke me up. I'll be cleaning the oven today. :) 

But at age 70, there could well be physical limitations that make getting down on hands and knees and scrubbing it impractical. My mom, in her 70's, has had knee operations and isn't supposed to be on her knees at all.  I can understand how, to a 70 year old, cleaning an oven might be the same as running a half marathon would be to me at the moment. Doable maybe? but not something I'd really consider because I'd be in severe pain for days afterwards.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2972 on: May 21, 2017, 12:04:42 PM »
Relative who shall remain nameless (age roughly 70) is planning to buy a new refrigerator because the ice maker is broken, and to buy a new oven because (I can't even believe I'm typing this) the oven is "embarrassingly" dirty on the inside and she "doesn't get inside ovens."

Yes, she is buying a new oven because the oven is dirty.  She doesn't know if the oven has a self-cleaning cycle (which would mean that she would not have to "get inside" it to clean it), and doesn't want to try to find out.

DH and I offered to clean it for her next time we visit (cross-country travel involved, so likely not until Christmas), and to help her find a fridge repair service for the ice maker, but she doesn't want to wait that long.

The mind boggles.

I can understand the oven problem. It may not be that it's "embarrassingly dirty." Embarrassingly dirty could be code for she can't use it without getting smoke, and can't wait most of a year to fix it.  It may be, like mine, that it's gotten to the point where it's smoking. We've switched off the heat for the summer, but it was cold this morning and my husband turned on the oven to warm up the kitchen. That eventually set off the smoke alarm - which woke me up. I'll be cleaning the oven today. :) 

But at age 70, there could well be physical limitations that make getting down on hands and knees and scrubbing it impractical. My mom, in her 70's, has had knee operations and isn't supposed to be on her knees at all.  I can understand how, to a 70 year old, cleaning an oven might be the same as running a half marathon would be to me at the moment. Doable maybe? but not something I'd really consider because I'd be in severe pain for days afterwards.

This, true.  I am supposed to kneel as little as possible, for as short a time as possible, osteoarthritis in both knees.  I have a self-cleaning oven that also sets off the smoke detector, so it gets cleaned spring and fall, when I can turn of the smoke detector and open lots of windows.
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Zoot

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2973 on: May 21, 2017, 12:07:48 PM »
I can understand the oven problem. It may not be that it's "embarrassingly dirty." Embarrassingly dirty could be code for she can't use it without getting smoke, and can't wait most of a year to fix it.  It may be, like mine, that it's gotten to the point where it's smoking. We've switched off the heat for the summer, but it was cold this morning and my husband turned on the oven to warm up the kitchen. That eventually set off the smoke alarm - which woke me up. I'll be cleaning the oven today. :) 

But at age 70, there could well be physical limitations that make getting down on hands and knees and scrubbing it impractical. My mom, in her 70's, has had knee operations and isn't supposed to be on her knees at all.  I can understand how, to a 70 year old, cleaning an oven might be the same as running a half marathon would be to me at the moment. Doable maybe? but not something I'd really consider because I'd be in severe pain for days afterwards.

Your giving her the benefit of the doubt speaks well of you.  :) 

In this case, though, there's no real problem with the oven--she barely uses it, and when we were visiting late last year I didn't see any real issues with it; it was mildly in need of a clean, but nothing horrible or dangerous.  I think it's may just be a bit of germ-o-phobia; she once threw out most of an entire package of perfectly good disposable cups that she brought with her to a stay in a vacation property because she was concerned about taking them back home with her because they had been "exposed" (i.e. the package had been sitting open in the kitchen of the rental for a few days).

Mobility issues are a distant "maybe"; she's fairly active and gets up and down stairs well in her condo, and sits on the floor to play with her grandchildren, but I can see that bending over for a long period of time might be a challenge. 

Even if these things were issues, though, I'm just mystified at the whole idea of replacing the oven because it's dirty--she could pay a maid service $50 or $100 or whatever a single visit would be and get the oven cleaned, instead of spending many times that on a new oven.   There's no hoarding issue where she would be embarrassed about someone coming to the condo; it's immaculate and well-cared-for.  So I'm still in "mind boggled" mode over it.  ;-)

Edited to add:  maybe she just wants a new oven because she just wants a new oven.  :) 
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 12:14:48 PM by Zoot »

RetiredAt63

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2974 on: May 21, 2017, 03:12:15 PM »
Your giving her the benefit of the doubt speaks well of you.  :) 

Thank you.
Quote

Edited to add:  maybe she just wants a new oven because she just wants a new oven.  :)

Maybe there is something about it she doesn't like, but can't really articulate what it is she doesn't like.  This may be her way to fix that. 
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Dicey

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2975 on: May 22, 2017, 07:54:05 AM »
You can also buy an ice maker that isn't connected to a fridge... I think I saw some for about 150.
Which... I'd rather that than add a part to my fridge  that, according to EEVRY repair person I've spoken to, is flimsy and breaks more than anything else ever.

Ok, I'd rather use trays and buy bags of ice for parties if needed. But. Yknow.

We have a small stand alone icemaker for use in our RV.  My wife is an ice junkie, seriously. I could give a rat's ass if the the last cube on the planet melted yesterday. We have this little monument to consumerism for  two reasons. First, the RV freezer is small, so it's ice cube tray production or use the space for the normal freezer goods, not both. Second, we were at an RV show and they had a deal, with the $150 machine marked down to $99, then another 50% off.  That said, the thing makes ridiculously poor quality ice. The process involves spraying water on to the ceiling of the unit where it clings to small stainless steel probes. These freeze and provide a hollow bullet shaped "cube". The machine has to heat the probes to release the cubes. The finished product is soft, air filled, and barely at freezing. Useless as tits on a mule, IMHO.  The wife loves it :)
We have one, too. DH got a similar deal when he had an RV. When we sold the RV, we hung on to the ice machine. It's fast and it makes great ice. It's nice for parties. Our fridge is counter depth and only has an internal icemaker (by choice). The ice storage capacity is rather small, so having an ice machine available for back-up is pretty handy. Stupidly luxurious, but handy.
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NorthernDreamer

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2976 on: May 22, 2017, 08:05:48 PM »
My SIL (my brother's wife) is pregnant with baby #2, the opposite gender of their first. I texted her today offering some hand me downs (including a Gap down-filled snow suit, Sorel boots, etc) and she declined. It just blows my mind. I would have loved to get hand me downs. It's not because they don't have space to store it. They just like new things, or are very particular with "style". Oh well, looks like I'll make a few extra dollars selling them online!

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2977 on: May 22, 2017, 08:47:45 PM »
My SIL (my brother's wife) is pregnant with baby #2, the opposite gender of their first. I texted her today offering some hand me downs (including a Gap down-filled snow suit, Sorel boots, etc) and she declined. It just blows my mind. I would have loved to get hand me downs. It's not because they don't have space to store it. They just like new things, or are very particular with "style". Oh well, looks like I'll make a few extra dollars selling them online!

... I'm assuming it's not that they were smart and bought mostly gender-neutral stuff for their first, huh? Cause that's what we did, and then turned down hand-me-downs for our second, because almost all the baby clothes and all the big-ticket items (snow suits, boots, shoes, jeans) are gender-neutral enough to suit either kid. As long as the sizes line up with the seasons, we're all set.

But the people who buy everything pink and then RE-buy?? I don't get it. I don't.

Then again, my son is currently wearing a hand-me-down pink nightgown, because it makes nighttime diaper changes easier and also who cares, it's a nightgown. So...

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2978 on: May 22, 2017, 10:06:39 PM »
I visited an aunt today (really an older distant relative) and she told me about her son, who is a few years older than me and used to be close friends with me before he moved far away. We haven't really spoken in years though.

A few years ago he got married and now has two kids. He went into the TV/film industry, paying large union fees to do so (kind of like going to university again). Afterward he started getting decent roles. (He's not famous enough that anyone here would know who he is, he's just getting steady paid work. Or was...)

Only his wife is messing things up. She won't "allow" him to work, except weekends. She won't consider daycare, thinking it's a "bad word". Because I wasn't speaking to my cousin today, I don't know if his wife is actually working or not. (I sure hope so!) So in short one spouse is being forced to become a homemaker. Or (worse!) they're being forced on welfare.

If I had a bit more info (eg if I knew if his wife was working or not) I'd be going to an advice website instead.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2979 on: May 23, 2017, 07:27:02 AM »
My SIL (my brother's wife) is pregnant with baby #2, the opposite gender of their first. I texted her today offering some hand me downs (including a Gap down-filled snow suit, Sorel boots, etc) and she declined. It just blows my mind. I would have loved to get hand me downs. It's not because they don't have space to store it. They just like new things, or are very particular with "style". Oh well, looks like I'll make a few extra dollars selling them online!

... I'm assuming it's not that they were smart and bought mostly gender-neutral stuff for their first, huh? Cause that's what we did, and then turned down hand-me-downs for our second, because almost all the baby clothes and all the big-ticket items (snow suits, boots, shoes, jeans) are gender-neutral enough to suit either kid. As long as the sizes line up with the seasons, we're all set.

But the people who buy everything pink and then RE-buy?? I don't get it. I don't.

Then again, my son is currently wearing a hand-me-down pink nightgown, because it makes nighttime diaper changes easier and also who cares, it's a nightgown. So...

Nope. First was a girl. Lots of girly things. Which boys could wear, I know, but. I know they wouldn't reuse the stuff for the boy. I have a navy blue snow suit and boots so I thought they might want to take me up on the offer. Good winter wear is a must in Canada! But.... nope. I have offered things periodically in the past and 99% of the time they politely decline. I think I should just stop offering.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2980 on: May 23, 2017, 07:34:04 AM »
My SIL (my brother's wife) is pregnant with baby #2, the opposite gender of their first. I texted her today offering some hand me downs (including a Gap down-filled snow suit, Sorel boots, etc) and she declined. It just blows my mind. I would have loved to get hand me downs. It's not because they don't have space to store it. They just like new things, or are very particular with "style". Oh well, looks like I'll make a few extra dollars selling them online!

... I'm assuming it's not that they were smart and bought mostly gender-neutral stuff for their first, huh? Cause that's what we did, and then turned down hand-me-downs for our second, because almost all the baby clothes and all the big-ticket items (snow suits, boots, shoes, jeans) are gender-neutral enough to suit either kid. As long as the sizes line up with the seasons, we're all set.

But the people who buy everything pink and then RE-buy?? I don't get it. I don't.

Then again, my son is currently wearing a hand-me-down pink nightgown, because it makes nighttime diaper changes easier and also who cares, it's a nightgown. So...

We had some pink stuff for our daughter, which we got after she was born because we didn't find out her sex beforehand.  I've used pretty much everything for our son.  He doesn't care if he takes a bath in a pink tub or wore some pink pjs to bed.  Most of the stuff we had was gender-neutral, but I didn't go out any buy new stuff for the things that weren't. 

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2981 on: May 23, 2017, 08:12:48 AM »
I visited an aunt today (really an older distant relative) and she told me about her son, who is a few years older than me and used to be close friends with me before he moved far away. We haven't really spoken in years though.

A few years ago he got married and now has two kids. He went into the TV/film industry, paying large union fees to do so (kind of like going to university again). Afterward he started getting decent roles. (He's not famous enough that anyone here would know who he is, he's just getting steady paid work. Or was...)

Only his wife is messing things up. She won't "allow" him to work, except weekends. She won't consider daycare, thinking it's a "bad word". Because I wasn't speaking to my cousin today, I don't know if his wife is actually working or not. (I sure hope so!) So in short one spouse is being forced to become a homemaker. Or (worse!) they're being forced on welfare.

If I had a bit more info (eg if I knew if his wife was working or not) I'd be going to an advice website instead.

Wow, an actor getting regular work. Yeah, that is a gig to give up. For sure. Yep.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2982 on: May 23, 2017, 05:19:44 PM »
My SIL (my brother's wife) is pregnant with baby #2, the opposite gender of their first. I texted her today offering some hand me downs (including a Gap down-filled snow suit, Sorel boots, etc) and she declined. It just blows my mind. I would have loved to get hand me downs. It's not because they don't have space to store it. They just like new things, or are very particular with "style". Oh well, looks like I'll make a few extra dollars selling them online!

My SIL definitely declined all hand-downs.   She may have been wise, as her husband's family hosted a huge baby shower and she ended up with more things than she could possibly dress a kid in...

She adjusted her thinking when kid number two was about 4 years old, however... so maybe just wait a few years and offer again.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2983 on: May 23, 2017, 07:06:50 PM »
My SIL (my brother's wife) is pregnant with baby #2, the opposite gender of their first. I texted her today offering some hand me downs (including a Gap down-filled snow suit, Sorel boots, etc) and she declined. It just blows my mind. I would have loved to get hand me downs. It's not because they don't have space to store it. They just like new things, or are very particular with "style". Oh well, looks like I'll make a few extra dollars selling them online!

... I'm assuming it's not that they were smart and bought mostly gender-neutral stuff for their first, huh? Cause that's what we did, and then turned down hand-me-downs for our second, because almost all the baby clothes and all the big-ticket items (snow suits, boots, shoes, jeans) are gender-neutral enough to suit either kid. As long as the sizes line up with the seasons, we're all set.

But the people who buy everything pink and then RE-buy?? I don't get it. I don't.

Then again, my son is currently wearing a hand-me-down pink nightgown, because it makes nighttime diaper changes easier and also who cares, it's a nightgown. So...

We had some pink stuff for our daughter, which we got after she was born because we didn't find out her sex beforehand.  I've used pretty much everything for our son.  He doesn't care if he takes a bath in a pink tub or wore some pink pjs to bed.  Most of the stuff we had was gender-neutral, but I didn't go out any buy new stuff for the things that weren't.
SIL and BIL have a 2 year old boy. One time when we were over, kiddo pulled out some markers and started drawing on paper. His dad went over to him, took the pink marker out of the pack, and threw it away.

Too bad our daughter is younger, I would have loved to see the look on his face if we had offered hand me downs from a girl.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2984 on: May 23, 2017, 07:28:06 PM »
My SIL (my brother's wife) is pregnant with baby #2, the opposite gender of their first. I texted her today offering some hand me downs (including a Gap down-filled snow suit, Sorel boots, etc) and she declined. It just blows my mind. I would have loved to get hand me downs. It's not because they don't have space to store it. They just like new things, or are very particular with "style". Oh well, looks like I'll make a few extra dollars selling them online!

... I'm assuming it's not that they were smart and bought mostly gender-neutral stuff for their first, huh? Cause that's what we did, and then turned down hand-me-downs for our second, because almost all the baby clothes and all the big-ticket items (snow suits, boots, shoes, jeans) are gender-neutral enough to suit either kid. As long as the sizes line up with the seasons, we're all set.

But the people who buy everything pink and then RE-buy?? I don't get it. I don't.

Then again, my son is currently wearing a hand-me-down pink nightgown, because it makes nighttime diaper changes easier and also who cares, it's a nightgown. So...

We had some pink stuff for our daughter, which we got after she was born because we didn't find out her sex beforehand.  I've used pretty much everything for our son.  He doesn't care if he takes a bath in a pink tub or wore some pink pjs to bed.  Most of the stuff we had was gender-neutral, but I didn't go out any buy new stuff for the things that weren't.
SIL and BIL have a 2 year old boy. One time when we were over, kiddo pulled out some markers and started drawing on paper. His dad went over to him, took the pink marker out of the pack, and threw it away.

Too bad our daughter is younger, I would have loved to see the look on his face if we had offered hand me downs from a girl.

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Until the day I die I will vigorously uphold that light red is a manly colour and appropriate for boys. I will not allow the Colour Gestapo to plunder that colour under both a false pretence and a false name.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2985 on: May 24, 2017, 05:52:10 AM »
SIL and BIL have a 2 year old boy. One time when we were over, kiddo pulled out some markers and started drawing on paper. His dad went over to him, took the pink marker out of the pack, and threw it away.

Too bad our daughter is younger, I would have loved to see the look on his face if we had offered hand me downs from a girl.

That is absolutely pathological. I am really and truly horrified by that.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2986 on: May 24, 2017, 06:00:55 AM »
SIL and BIL have a 2 year old boy. One time when we were over, kiddo pulled out some markers and started drawing on paper. His dad went over to him, took the pink marker out of the pack, and threw it away.

Too bad our daughter is younger, I would have loved to see the look on his face if we had offered hand me downs from a girl.

That is absolutely pathological. I am really and truly horrified by that.
I agree! I really wished someone knocked some sense into the dad. God help the kid!

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2987 on: May 24, 2017, 07:22:06 AM »
My SIL (my brother's wife) is pregnant with baby #2, the opposite gender of their first. I texted her today offering some hand me downs (including a Gap down-filled snow suit, Sorel boots, etc) and she declined. It just blows my mind. I would have loved to get hand me downs. It's not because they don't have space to store it. They just like new things, or are very particular with "style". Oh well, looks like I'll make a few extra dollars selling them online!

... I'm assuming it's not that they were smart and bought mostly gender-neutral stuff for their first, huh? Cause that's what we did, and then turned down hand-me-downs for our second, because almost all the baby clothes and all the big-ticket items (snow suits, boots, shoes, jeans) are gender-neutral enough to suit either kid. As long as the sizes line up with the seasons, we're all set.

But the people who buy everything pink and then RE-buy?? I don't get it. I don't.

Then again, my son is currently wearing a hand-me-down pink nightgown, because it makes nighttime diaper changes easier and also who cares, it's a nightgown. So...

We had some pink stuff for our daughter, which we got after she was born because we didn't find out her sex beforehand.  I've used pretty much everything for our son.  He doesn't care if he takes a bath in a pink tub or wore some pink pjs to bed.  Most of the stuff we had was gender-neutral, but I didn't go out any buy new stuff for the things that weren't.
SIL and BIL have a 2 year old boy. One time when we were over, kiddo pulled out some markers and started drawing on paper. His dad went over to him, took the pink marker out of the pack, and threw it away.

Too bad our daughter is younger, I would have loved to see the look on his face if we had offered hand me downs from a girl.

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That is insane.  Sadly, I know people who would do this same thing.  Heck, my own mother was appalled when my daughter had a blue Easter dress one year.  "It's blue! She is a girl! She can't wear a blue dress!"  Uhhh, yeah she can.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2988 on: May 24, 2017, 08:32:04 AM »

That is insane.  Sadly, I know people who would do this same thing.  Heck, my own mother was appalled when my daughter had a blue Easter dress one year.  "It's blue! She is a girl! She can't wear a blue dress!"  Uhhh, yeah she can.

Elsa does it.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2989 on: May 24, 2017, 08:48:33 AM »
SIL and BIL have a 2 year old boy. One time when we were over, kiddo pulled out some markers and started drawing on paper. His dad went over to him, took the pink marker out of the pack, and threw it away.

Too bad our daughter is younger, I would have loved to see the look on his face if we had offered hand me downs from a girl.

That is absolutely pathological. I am really and truly horrified by that.
I agree! I really wished someone knocked some sense into the dad. God help the kid!
TIL some people have a phobia of homogenous mixtures of red and white. Does this person eat their steak not-pink?
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2990 on: May 24, 2017, 10:15:00 AM »
I just need to vent.....I have a brother who moved to a lower COL area to start a family - proceeded to buy a $300k McMansion because they "need" the space for said future family + "need" to be in the absolute best school district. This on top of owning 2 10 year old vehicles purchased a few years back with 10 year loans + over $100k in student loans  (but they will be forgiven in 20 years so it doesn't matter), $30k in CC debt. OMG!

They didn't even get approved for the full $300k mortgage because of debt + income levels (probably $90k a year combined) so they borrowed $100k from family (NOT ME!). I get heart palpitations thinking about their financial situation while they sip on $10 cocktails every weekend and splurge constantly on lattes.  How on earth did we come from the same family?

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2991 on: May 24, 2017, 10:49:25 AM »
I just need to vent.....I have a brother who moved to a lower COL area to start a family - proceeded to buy a $300k McMansion because they "need" the space for said future family + "need" to be in the absolute best school district. This on top of owning 2 10 year old vehicles purchased a few years back with 10 year loans + over $100k in student loans  (but they will be forgiven in 20 years so it doesn't matter), $30k in CC debt. OMG!

They didn't even get approved for the full $300k mortgage because of debt + income levels (probably $90k a year combined) so they borrowed $100k from family (NOT ME!). I get heart palpitations thinking about their financial situation while they sip on $10 cocktails every weekend and splurge constantly on lattes.  How on earth did we come from the same family?

Are they aware that their loan forgiveness will come with a hefty tax on the forgiven amount?

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2992 on: May 24, 2017, 10:52:38 AM »
I just need to vent.....I have a brother who moved to a lower COL area to start a family - proceeded to buy a $300k McMansion because they "need" the space for said future family + "need" to be in the absolute best school district. This on top of owning 2 10 year old vehicles purchased a few years back with 10 year loans + over $100k in student loans  (but they will be forgiven in 20 years so it doesn't matter), $30k in CC debt. OMG!

They didn't even get approved for the full $300k mortgage because of debt + income levels (probably $90k a year combined) so they borrowed $100k from family (NOT ME!). I get heart palpitations thinking about their financial situation while they sip on $10 cocktails every weekend and splurge constantly on lattes.  How on earth did we come from the same family?
That is Reason #1 why I don't use social media anymore. I don't want to know of the fake lifestyle portrayals of family members, I don't want to talk about them with my wife behind their back. The less I know the happier I am; ignorance is bliss. My father and MIL are compulsive worriers, I don't want my wife and I to be the same.
(I used to be on Twitter, Facebook, Whatsapp when they first came out. Over time it became reposts, retweets, endless barrage of ads. And harder to find actual original useful content. Negative comments from distant and close relatives thankfully made me go cold turkey on these platforms.)
I too am the black (or green) sheep of the family, saving and wanting to FIRE with a wife who shares the same ideals.
Signature worthless. I'm worth more dead than alive. Wife and kids will collect. Or Uncle Sam will, you can rely on Him.

YoungGranny

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2993 on: May 24, 2017, 10:54:55 AM »
I just need to vent.....I have a brother who moved to a lower COL area to start a family - proceeded to buy a $300k McMansion because they "need" the space for said future family + "need" to be in the absolute best school district. This on top of owning 2 10 year old vehicles purchased a few years back with 10 year loans + over $100k in student loans  (but they will be forgiven in 20 years so it doesn't matter), $30k in CC debt. OMG!

They didn't even get approved for the full $300k mortgage because of debt + income levels (probably $90k a year combined) so they borrowed $100k from family (NOT ME!). I get heart palpitations thinking about their financial situation while they sip on $10 cocktails every weekend and splurge constantly on lattes.  How on earth did we come from the same family?

Are they aware that their loan forgiveness will come with a hefty tax on the forgiven amount?

I am pretty positive they are NOT aware of this. They seem to think it will just disappear. Unfortunately they no longer like to talk to be about financial issues because "not everyone is as extreme as me", "their behavior is perfectly normal",  "I'm 6years younger so I just don't understand", "I should just be happy for them" etc etc.

 

YoungGranny

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2994 on: May 24, 2017, 10:58:47 AM »
I just need to vent.....I have a brother who moved to a lower COL area to start a family - proceeded to buy a $300k McMansion because they "need" the space for said future family + "need" to be in the absolute best school district. This on top of owning 2 10 year old vehicles purchased a few years back with 10 year loans + over $100k in student loans  (but they will be forgiven in 20 years so it doesn't matter), $30k in CC debt. OMG!

They didn't even get approved for the full $300k mortgage because of debt + income levels (probably $90k a year combined) so they borrowed $100k from family (NOT ME!). I get heart palpitations thinking about their financial situation while they sip on $10 cocktails every weekend and splurge constantly on lattes.  How on earth did we come from the same family?
That is Reason #1 why I don't use social media anymore. I don't want to know of the fake lifestyle portrayals of family members, I don't want to talk about them with my wife behind their back. The less I know the happier I am; ignorance is bliss. My father and MIL are compulsive worriers, I don't want my wife and I to be the same.
(I used to be on Twitter, Facebook, Whatsapp when they first came out. Over time it became reposts, retweets, endless barrage of ads. And harder to find actual original useful content. Negative comments from distant and close relatives thankfully made me go cold turkey on these platforms.)
I too am the black (or green) sheep of the family, saving and wanting to FIRE with a wife who shares the same ideals.

I wish it was just from social media. I get all of this from chatting with my bro a few times a week on the phone. Although after our chat yesterday he declared he doesn't want to chat about financial topics with me anymore because I'm never happy for him. I actually think this will be better for our relationship because I hate hearing about it.

Not trying to talk about them behind their back just stressed and needed an anonymous forum to vent on. I do love my brother dearly and I think it will definitely improve our relationship to leave finances out of it.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2995 on: May 24, 2017, 11:46:40 AM »
They seem to think it will just disappear.

Wait, isn't that how everyone deals with their problems?

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2996 on: May 24, 2017, 11:54:41 AM »
They seem to think it will just disappear.

Wait, isn't that how everyone deals with their problems?
And yet we blame the gov for kicking the can down the road.
Truly it is a government of the people.
(Apology in advance for the gov mud-sling, I couldn't resist connecting the dots.)
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2997 on: May 24, 2017, 12:05:39 PM »

That is insane.  Sadly, I know people who would do this same thing.  Heck, my own mother was appalled when my daughter had a blue Easter dress one year.  "It's blue! She is a girl! She can't wear a blue dress!"  Uhhh, yeah she can.

Elsa does it.

And Cinderella. And Aurora sometimes. Merida's is a sort of blue-green.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2998 on: May 24, 2017, 12:06:48 PM »
Two packages of rit blue dye in the washer on  my daughter's pink baby clothes (including a parka) and a seam ripper to take off ribbons and all my "girl" baby and toddler clothes were suitable for her brother.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2999 on: May 24, 2017, 12:27:57 PM »
...
That is Reason #1 why I don't use social media anymore. I don't want to know of the fake lifestyle portrayals of family members, I don't want to talk about them with my wife behind their back. The less I know the happier I am; ignorance is bliss. My father and MIL are compulsive worriers, I don't want my wife and I to be the same.
(I used to be on Twitter, Facebook, Whatsapp when they first came out. Over time it became reposts, retweets, endless barrage of ads. And harder to find actual original useful content. Negative comments from distant and close relatives thankfully made me go cold turkey on these platforms.)
I too am the black (or green) sheep of the family, saving and wanting to FIRE with a wife who shares the same ideals.

Amazingly the signal to noise ratio of FB has maintained a exponential decay for many years now. One would think that it would have to hit a floor some point; I am not sure that it wont go negative at some point. 
Be the person Mr. Rogers knows you can be.