Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 679407 times)

RetiredAt63

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #800 on: December 31, 2015, 12:22:30 PM »
@JoeAverage, you were lucky to get something useful.  In my family and in-laws, "useful" made something not acceptable as a gift, even if it was an expensive something that you would probably not buy for yourself.  I asked for, and got, a hand sander one year, and used it so much it wore out.  It was really hard to convince the family member to get it for me, it was too useful!

Alcohol - ask for region or category so you can do comparisons?  European red wines?  White Australian/New Zealand wines?  Scotch whiskey versus Irish whiskey versus Canadian rye whiskey versus American bourbon?  Liqueurs?  Liqueurs last forever.   If anyone wants to give me a bottle of Amaretto or Cointreau or other goody, I will be happy to receive it.  And my teetotal Scottish great-grandparents must be whirling in their graves right now.



My only gift this year was a car emergency kit. Perfect. Our kids had a nice Christmas. Bought gifts for the other family kids that were well recieved. Bought my bride something she had wanted for a long time and that's it. Easy peasy. Done.

If your family wants to give you gifts, I highly suggest what my father does.  Ask for alcohol.  People can go as fancy or cheap as they want.  Even if you don't want to drink the particular item they give you, odds are that at some point you'll host someone who will.  You can store alcohol in the basement or garage and no one will be offended that they gift they gave you is not prominently displayed or used.  Of course, this won't work if you're in a family that doesn't drink or approve of drinking.  Fancy coffees or teas maybe?
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Astatine

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #801 on: December 31, 2015, 01:29:16 PM »
Quote
You know, in my life, I've only ever been to one wedding where alcohol was served, and I thought it was weird (not my wedding, obviously- ours was in a state park where it wasn't allowed). I'm not young, either. It just wouldn't occur to me to associate alcohol with weddings - not part of the culture here.


No cake, now that's weird.

ETA: I'm excepting a champagne toast, which is not uncommon. But that's one glass.

Oh man, norms are so interesting.  I grew up in a dry household and my now-husband and I drink socially, but when we tried to take our bar from a full bar to one beer + one red wine + one white wine at our NYC wedding, you would have thought we proposed serving people raw sewage. 

+1 on norms being interesting. I don't think I've ever been to a dry wedding. It's rare that I've seen anyone get drunk at a wedding - people in my social circles generally drink responsibly (specially as we get older).

Naan Violence

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #802 on: December 31, 2015, 02:33:18 PM »
My grandpa is leaving an inheritance to me that is an order of magnitude less than what my cousin and aunt get. Don't get me wrong, I'd be grateful even if I only got $10. I didn't expect this money and didn't do anything to deserve it. It just makes me sad knowing what I could do with the money (retire) vs. what my cousin and aunt will do with it. My cousin has 3 DUIs and is somehow not in jail because my grandpa paid for an expensive lawyer. He still drinks and does drugs regularly. I'm assuming now it's only a matter of time before his inheritance is wasted on fines and payments to the legal system.

My aunt is married to a guy who "can't get a job". Well actually he could, but he told us it wasn't an option because if he got a job then "they'd be able to get him for all that old child support". He wastes so much money on pop/soda/whatever that, and I'm not exaggerating when I say this, several of his teeth have rotted and had to be removed. He needs those drinks to keep him hydrated playing Xbox all day.

Cressida

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #803 on: December 31, 2015, 02:53:07 PM »
I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any

I went to one. It was grim.

Oh man, dry weddings. There's a branch of my family that sees drinking as a character flaw, so I've been to a few. Grim is the word.

pachnik

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #804 on: December 31, 2015, 03:06:43 PM »
I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any

I went to one. It was grim.

Oh man, dry weddings. There's a branch of my family that sees drinking as a character flaw, so I've been to a few. Grim is the word.

I've never been to a dry wedding or had a family member or friend tell me about going to a dry wedding.  I'm the kind of drinker that has 1 glass of wine with dinner and that's it, so it isn't really a big deal for me.  I wonder if I would find it grim?  I'll probably never find out.  :)

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #805 on: December 31, 2015, 03:22:06 PM »
I've never been to a dry wedding or had a family member or friend tell me about going to a dry wedding.  I'm the kind of drinker that has 1 glass of wine with dinner and that's it, so it isn't really a big deal for me.  I wonder if I would find it grim?  I'll probably never find out.  :)
My Italian grandfather used to do that - one glass of wine with dinner.  Of course, he was using a pint glass.
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frugalparagon

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #806 on: December 31, 2015, 03:23:02 PM »
I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any

I went to one. It was grim.

Oh man, dry weddings. There's a branch of my family that sees drinking as a character flaw, so I've been to a few. Grim is the word.

I've never been to a dry wedding or had a family member or friend tell me about going to a dry wedding.  I'm the kind of drinker that has 1 glass of wine with dinner and that's it, so it isn't really a big deal for me.  I wonder if I would find it grim?  I'll probably never find out.  :)

I also went to a dry wedding that was delightful. It was much less fancy that the grim dry wedding, being held in a church basement, but was way more fun. For one thing, they didn't keep us standing around for a couple of hours after the ceremony but before dinner!
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Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #807 on: December 31, 2015, 04:50:40 PM »
"special small batch of scotch made in the Northeast USA".

That doesn't exist. :D

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_whisky

Oh my goodness, FAIL.  You know, I actually know that.  I've even been to Scotland.  Idk what I was doing yesterday with that nonsense above.  Please substitute more reasonable options in for "scotch".  Geez.  Also, my sympathies to people living in the Bible Belt.  I hear they commonly have evening weddings without alcohol there.  Shame.  (all of that is said tongue in cheek, though I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any)

I went to one. It was grim. I was pregnant anyway, but the grimness reached me. Groom [my cousin] was an Irish Catholic whose father had actually died of cirrhosis marrying into a family of evangelical Christians, some of whom spoke only Korean. It sounds like the setup for a funny movie, but the reality was dull. There wasn't even cake, just individual crepe stations. (That's when I decided to take the baby--the one that was already born--home.)

Also, the groom's sister and uncle were getting drunk in the parking lot.


You know, in my life, I've only ever been to one wedding where alcohol was served, and I thought it was weird (not my wedding, obviously- ours was in a state park where it wasn't allowed). I'm not young, either. It just wouldn't occur to me to associate alcohol with weddings - not part of the culture here.


No cake, now that's weird.

ETA: I'm excepting a champagne toast, which is not uncommon. But that's one glass.

The weddings we've been to have had their receptions in a church (thus no alcohol) or at some hotel where there was a cash bar. The one we went to most recently had an open bar (winery) and it was wild... Really wild - like lets take the kids and go back to the hotel and watch TV. Dinner is over and the bar has been opened.

All of them here in the Bible Belt. ;)

I love living here. I've lived in a few other places and visited more - but this is where I want to live. Like any other place there are the high points and the low points about any place. Maybe after the kids are grown we'll move again someday. Its an easy place to live compared to the big cities with the big commutes, HCOL, and so forth.

BackyarBQ

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #808 on: December 31, 2015, 04:54:06 PM »
"special small batch of scotch made in the Northeast USA".

That doesn't exist. :D

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_whisky

Oh my goodness, FAIL.  You know, I actually know that.  I've even been to Scotland.  Idk what I was doing yesterday with that nonsense above.

No harm. :)
I just didn't want anyone to get lost on their journey toward finding a good Scotch. So yummy.

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #809 on: December 31, 2015, 04:57:37 PM »
@JoeAverage, you were lucky to get something useful.  In my family and in-laws, "useful" made something not acceptable as a gift, even if it was an expensive something that you would probably not buy for yourself.  I asked for, and got, a hand sander one year, and used it so much it wore out.  It was really hard to convince the family member to get it for me, it was too useful!

Alcohol - ask for region or category so you can do comparisons?  European red wines?  White Australian/New Zealand wines?  Scotch whiskey versus Irish whiskey versus Canadian rye whiskey versus American bourbon?  Liqueurs?  Liqueurs last forever.   If anyone wants to give me a bottle of Amaretto or Cointreau or other goody, I will be happy to receive it.  And my teetotal Scottish great-grandparents must be whirling in their graves right now.

TOOLS! Yeah. That's my favorite gift. Gift cards for tool stores are even better b/c that give me the equivalent of a discount on a tool I might want. I wish one of the home shows would surprise me with a 30x40 ft building... ;)

I'd promise to pass out or do all sorts of dramatic squeals of delight, etc!

On the alcohol - very good idea. I would not know the regional differences unless someone explained it to me but it would be interesting to taste all of it.

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #810 on: December 31, 2015, 05:01:38 PM »
Oh my goodness, FAIL.  You know, I actually know that.  I've even been to Scotland.  Idk what I was doing yesterday with that nonsense above. 

You were drinking that Scottish Whiskey of course...

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #811 on: December 31, 2015, 06:18:20 PM »
I don't think I've ever been to a dry wedding. It's rare that I've seen anyone get drunk at a wedding - people in my social circles generally drink responsibly (specially as we get older).

In my family, not serving alcohol is akin to a personal insult. The only truly dry wedding I can think of is one of my cousins, they had it at a Hindu temple, which many felt like was only so they could have an excuse not to serve alcohol. Plenty of weddings have a cash only bar, but nearly all have an open bar and top-shelf liquor (Indians tend to LOVE Johnny Walker Black).

As for drunk, I will admit that if I have a hotel room (or am not driving) I met get pretty plastered. If I"m driving or need to be responsible, then I will drink responsibly. A cousin's wedding in August was two weeks before my close and my Realtor was invited (family friend), she's about 50 years old and it was amusing to be playing flip cup with her at 130 in the morning. When we saw each other at the close we couldn't help but talk about how we aren't young anymore.

maco

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #812 on: January 01, 2016, 03:07:15 PM »
I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any

I went to one. It was grim.

Oh man, dry weddings. There's a branch of my family that sees drinking as a character flaw, so I've been to a few. Grim is the word.
I had a dry wedding. My family all drink heavily, and I thought it'd be nice to see my entire family sober. My religion (not theirs, I'm a convert) doesn't usually allow alcohol on meetinghouse grounds, so we knew it'd be dry, but then it turned out there was going to be construction going on where receptions usually happen... We ended up having our reception at the high school next door.  Knowing that an evening wedding without alcohol would be weird for my family, though, we had the wedding at 2pm followed by a potluck dinner & dessert, and then everyone could go out to a bar or restaurant or wander around the Washington Monument or whatever afterward.

We did the Time Warp, so I don't think it was grim!

Quote from: Joe Average
The weddings we've been to have had their receptions in a church (thus no alcohol)
See now that read funny to me, because I was raised Catholic.  No alcohol in a church? But they have that every Sunday! (Whereas meetinghouses, now those are dry sites!)
« Last Edit: January 01, 2016, 03:10:00 PM by maco »

Apples

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #813 on: January 01, 2016, 03:13:57 PM »
Oh my goodness, FAIL.  You know, I actually know that.  I've even been to Scotland.  Idk what I was doing yesterday with that nonsense above. 

You were drinking that Scottish Whiskey of course...

Yes!  hahaha no I was actually at work and sober.  I'm glad the wedding discussion is still going, I like this foam.  I've been to one dry Christian Reformed wedding that was in the afternoon.  They served a late lunch for the reception.  The main part that was awkward was after dinner there was a long break before cutting the cake with music playing....so are we supposed to dance?  Sit and chat?  Sit here drinking our water, coffee, and tea and look at each other?  I've been to many weddings with cash bars, beer and wine only, open bar-full bar, and top shelf drinks.  A few drunk relatives is generally to be expected, and the bridal party usually has a good time.  I have only been to 1 wedding where the bride and groom got drunk, and usually that's int he spirit of celebrating their new marriage, and the stress of planning being over; but i never like when the couple is drunk, i tjust feels against the spirit of the day to me.  Like, they'll probably spend their first married morning hung over and possibly throwing up.  Blegh.  Personally I found alcohol useful to take the edge off of being a slightly introverted person spending hours on end at the center of attention, with lots of extended family (and families trying to get along), or as a guest making lots of small talk.  As with most things, I'm sure the personalities of the people involved matter more in how the event goes than whether or not there's alcohol.

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #814 on: January 01, 2016, 06:21:47 PM »
Quote from: Joe Average
The weddings we've been to have had their receptions in a church (thus no alcohol)
See now that read funny to me, because I was raised Catholic.  No alcohol in a church? But they have that every Sunday! (Whereas meetinghouses, now those are dry sites!)

"Ain't" happening in a Church of Christ or Southern Baptist church.

Actually to hear folks around here explain it, the Church of Christ folks carried alot of weight in this town when I was a kid and before. The local state university had all sorts of rules for the female students and we were a dry county until just a few years ago b/c of them.

The Baptists are a funny lot too. Went out with a Southern Baptist girl once - we were friends, not romantic. I suggested we go eat a pizza. She suggested a carry out pizza so we could go back to her place with a rental movie (on VHS, that dates it).

She also suggested we stop and get a six pack of beer.

However, we had to go in my car and she wasn't getting out of the car at the store b/c someone might see her.

In case anyone is jumping to conclusions - THAT wasn't happening unless there was a ring on her finger.

She was a hoot to hang around but very careful about appearances.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2016, 06:25:31 PM by Joe Average »

Cressida

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #815 on: January 01, 2016, 10:06:23 PM »
I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any

I went to one. It was grim.

Oh man, dry weddings. There's a branch of my family that sees drinking as a character flaw, so I've been to a few. Grim is the word.

I had a dry wedding. My family all drink heavily, and I thought it'd be nice to see my entire family sober.

OK, that's a side of it I hadn't considered. In that case, I see the appeal.

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #816 on: January 02, 2016, 04:43:26 AM »
BiL just doesn't get it.

Every time he visits he tells us we need a bigger TV.

Every. Single. Time.

Sometimes he straight out says "You need a bigger TV". Sometimes he thinks he's appealing to the frugalite in me, with "JB has a good deal on 65" TVs this week".

I just tell him our TV works fine and that we have other priorities, while resisting the urge to point out that yes, he does have a bigger TV than us but we also know his parents pay his car rego, bike insurance and phone bill.

Joggernot

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #817 on: January 02, 2016, 07:11:43 AM »
BiL just doesn't get it.
...
I just tell him our TV works fine and that we have other priorities, while resisting the urge to point out that yes, he does have a bigger TV than us but we also know his parents pay his car rego, bike insurance and phone bill.
What is a "rego" in Australia?/

Paul der Krake

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #818 on: January 02, 2016, 08:18:53 AM »
BiL just doesn't get it.
...
I just tell him our TV works fine and that we have other priorities, while resisting the urge to point out that yes, he does have a bigger TV than us but we also know his parents pay his car rego, bike insurance and phone bill.
What is a "rego" in Australia?/
Registration.

nnls

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #819 on: January 02, 2016, 08:20:18 AM »
BiL just doesn't get it.
...
I just tell him our TV works fine and that we have other priorities, while resisting the urge to point out that yes, he does have a bigger TV than us but we also know his parents pay his car rego, bike insurance and phone bill.
What is a "rego" in Australia?/

Vehicle registration

The Guru

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #820 on: January 02, 2016, 08:42:28 AM »

BiL just doesn't get it.

Every time he visits he tells us we need a bigger TV.

Every. Single. Time.

Sometimes he straight out says "You need a bigger TV". Sometimes he thinks he's appealing to the frugalite in me, with "JB has a good deal on 65" TVs this week".

I just tell him our TV works fine and that we have other priorities, while resisting the urge to point out that yes, he does have a bigger TV than us but we also know his parents pay his car rego, bike insurance and phone bill.


next time, why not tell him that you're fine w/ your TV but since it obviously bothers him so much he's welcome to take advantage of that "good deal" to upgrade for you. Either you get a new TV (unlikely, I know) or that's the last you hear about it. Win either way in my view.

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #821 on: January 02, 2016, 10:58:05 AM »
BiL just doesn't get it.

Every time he visits he tells us we need a bigger TV.

Every. Single. Time.

Sometimes he straight out says "You need a bigger TV". Sometimes he thinks he's appealing to the frugalite in me, with "JB has a good deal on 65" TVs this week".

I just tell him our TV works fine and that we have other priorities, while resisting the urge to point out that yes, he does have a bigger TV than us but we also know his parents pay his car rego, bike insurance and phone bill.

You ought to 'cut the cord' and go with only the basic streaming services. That would blow the brother's mind. Or hide the TV entirely. We "cut the cord" ages ago and the rest of the extended family doesn't get it. Works for us just fine. ~$25 per month vs ~$125 month...

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #822 on: January 02, 2016, 02:22:52 PM »
BiL just doesn't get it.

Every time he visits he tells us we need a bigger TV.

You ought to 'cut the cord' and go with only the basic streaming services.

We have Netflix and Stan. We've never had cable (what we would call pay TV/Foxtel).

gillstone

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #823 on: January 06, 2016, 08:45:27 AM »
My 59 year old dad lives in a 4-bed 3-bath duplex owned by his parents.  He pays a fraction of the rent the market would demand.  He called yesterday to whine that they are selling the duplex but have offered to buy him a house outright.  He thinks its unfair because as an aging bachelor he's gotten used to having over 2000 sqft to himself and moving to a place any smaller would be too hard.

I almost fell out of my chair when he said of his father "He needs to take responsibility for his children."


MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #824 on: January 06, 2016, 08:59:40 AM »
I almost fell out of my chair when he said of his father "He needs to take responsibility for his children."

LMAO! At least he's open about what he's thinking.

Pooperman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #825 on: January 06, 2016, 09:04:47 AM »
I almost fell out of my chair when he said of his father "He needs to take responsibility for his children."

LMAO! At least he's open about what he's thinking.

Isn't that the point where you go 'hey Dad, I'm your child. Why aren't you taking responsibility for me?' just to see his reaction. My guess is it'll be something like 'you're already doing well, you don't need help.' which is sad because the intention will go right over his head.

DividendMoney

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #826 on: January 06, 2016, 09:05:05 AM »
My Brother, who has always had a hard time with understanding money, will often ask me for advice.
I will tell him my thoughts, but he will eventually do what he wants anyway and be back asking me what he can do to 'get ahead' 6 months later... he just can't seem to 'get ahead'.

He and his wife are pregnant with their third child in 4 years, they just bought a new house and are upgrading the basement, they had to buy a bigger SUV with 7 passenger seating to accomodate 3 car seats, and they are heading on an all inclusive trip to Mexico before they 'can't travel any more because of baby #3 due to be born in the spring'.

If this wasn't bad enough... he just posted a picture of a new snowmobile on instagram.

But, that's none of my business... *Sits back, sips tea and waits for the eventual fallout*
« Last Edit: January 06, 2016, 09:20:29 AM by DividendMoney »

onlykelsey

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #827 on: January 06, 2016, 09:06:11 AM »
Quote
Isn't that the point where you go 'hey Dad, I'm your child. Why aren't you taking responsibility for me?' just to see his reaction. My guess is it'll be something like 'you're already doing well, you don't need help.' which is sad because the intention will go right over his head.

My father went from "my parents have a responsibility to take care of me" to "my disabled eleven year younger than me wife has a responsibility to take care of me" to "my 15-year old daughter has a responsibility to take care of me".  I am glad to be done with that sociopath.

Pooperman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #828 on: January 06, 2016, 09:11:59 AM »
My Brother, who has always had a hard time with understanding money, will often ask me for advice.
I will tell him my thoughts, but he will eventually do what he wants anyway and be back asking me what he can do to 'get ahead' 6 months later... he just can't seem to 'get ahead'.

He and his wife are pregnant with their third child in 4 years, the just bought a new house and are upgrading the basement, they had to buy a bigger SUV with 7 passenger seating to accomodate 3 car seats, and they are heading on an all inclusive trip to Mexico before they 'can't travel any more because of baby #3 due to be born in the spring'.

If this wasn't bad enough... he just posted a picture of a new snowmobile on instagram.

But, that's none of my business... *Sits back, sips tea and waits for the eventual fallout*

The next time he asks for help, get him a copy of "your money or your life". If he reads it, great. If not, you cal tell him you've given him the advice and he just needs to read it.

Squirrel away

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #829 on: January 06, 2016, 09:14:06 AM »
My 59 year old dad lives in a 4-bed 3-bath duplex owned by his parents.  He pays a fraction of the rent the market would demand.  He called yesterday to whine that they are selling the duplex but have offered to buy him a house outright.  He thinks its unfair because as an aging bachelor he's gotten used to having over 2000 sqft to himself and moving to a place any smaller would be too hard.

I almost fell out of my chair when he said of his father "He needs to take responsibility for his children."

OMG. That is obnoxious.

gillstone

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #830 on: January 06, 2016, 09:19:24 AM »
Quote
Isn't that the point where you go 'hey Dad, I'm your child. Why aren't you taking responsibility for me?' just to see his reaction. My guess is it'll be something like 'you're already doing well, you don't need help.' which is sad because the intention will go right over his head.

My father went from "my parents have a responsibility to take care of me" to "my disabled eleven year younger than me wife has a responsibility to take care of me" to "my 15-year old daughter has a responsibility to take care of me".  I am glad to be done with that sociopath.

Our dads could be friends!

Once his parents tried to teach him responsibility when I was young.  They cut off the funds and forced him to actually live on his earnings.  Rather than buckle down and get frugal, he kept walking around with a couple hundred in his pocket.  Of course that meant his wife and kids ate oatmeal for a few weeks and almost had the power shut off until my mom could set up an in-home daycare to earn enough so we could eat.

Now he keeps hinting about how DW and I should take care of him when he gets older.  Before I could even process the ridiculous thing he said, DW dropped a flat no on him and shut it down.

pachnik

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #831 on: January 06, 2016, 09:25:43 AM »
I almost fell out of my chair when he said of his father "He needs to take responsibility for his children."

LMAO! At least he's open about what he's thinking.

Isn't that the point where you go 'hey Dad, I'm your child. Why aren't you taking responsibility for me?' just to see his reaction. My guess is it'll be something like 'you're already doing well, you don't need help.' which is sad because the intention will go right over his head.

+1    I have always wondered about the people who expect someone else to take care of them forever.  What about their kids?  But I guess they just don't see it that way.  It is "Me, Me, Me".     

Kitsune

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #832 on: January 06, 2016, 09:33:22 AM »
Just found out that my dad, at 62, has about 100k in retirement savings.

I don't know when the last time he's made less than that in a year would be.

Argh.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #833 on: January 06, 2016, 09:45:30 AM »
So my SIL bought a french bulldog. Tells me she got a smoking deal at $3500? She knows these dogs get health problems, but doesn't think it will be all that bad. My buddies parents have one and they think they got lucky, only paying $150 a month for medicine.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #834 on: January 07, 2016, 07:41:16 AM »
Yikes.  I actually am a fan of purebreds from a reputable breeder, which is what this sounds like, and French Bulldogs have a great temperament, but the price! And a breed with so many known health problems?!  Buying a puppy from a breeder they should be able to get the parents' and grandparents' health histories, hope all are healthy.

I won't say here what I paid for my girl, but it was worth it - she is from breeders who work their dogs (family dogs, not kennel dogs) appropriately and haven't gone with breed fads (I would like to do something nasty to breeders who have given German Shepherds such horrible hips for the show look).  They did all the health and temperament checks, all the puppy socialization, all the everything.  Great hips, great eyes, great temperament, she is 9 now and her only vet bills are preventative.

So my SIL bought a french bulldog. Tells me she got a smoking deal at $3500? She knows these dogs get health problems, but doesn't think it will be all that bad. My buddies parents have one and they think they got lucky, only paying $150 a month for medicine.
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MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #835 on: January 07, 2016, 08:20:35 AM »
So my SIL bought a french bulldog. Tells me she got a smoking deal at $3500? She knows these dogs get health problems, but doesn't think it will be all that bad. My buddies parents have one and they think they got lucky, only paying $150 a month for medicine.

Is that how much they can run when getting from a breeder? Or is it for dogs that have a pedigree and all that jazz, which I believe only really matter to people that actually show their dogs.

TRBeck

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #836 on: January 07, 2016, 08:29:24 AM »
My brother-in-law was in debt when my sister met him. She got him out of debt, they got married, they got back into debt while she was working full-time to put him through undergrad, and then she got them out of debt again while she was going to school part-time and working full-time to complete her own undergraduate degree. BTW, both chose some horrible degrees when considering future employment - political science and theater, respectively. They had a kid despite not having great jobs, got back into debt due to BIL's obsession with going to concerts and buying vinyl, moved to a higher COL area because BIL is perpetually dissatisfied with everything, got pregnant, bought a fully-loaded minivan because of kid #2 (WTF?!), and finally moved in with my parents while my sister was pregnant so they could get rid of their debt.

BIL posts FB updates regularly about new purchases, like a vintage record player (not working), assorted albums on vinyl (usually multiple copies of stuff by indie artists that believes he's going to flip for a huge profit - "that's my kids' college fund right there"), etc. Last month we were at my parents' house, and the basement where they live is overrun with toys, trinkets, record albums, and literally hundreds of concert T-shirts. He has gone to three concerts in the last month, all at least an hour's drive away. Sis is currently staying at home with the boys while BIL commutes an hour each way - my parents live in a rural area - to work, driving the minivan of course.

I've tried to point my sister to MMM and other blogs that might help. She wants to do it right, but my BIL is hopeless and drags her down, which she constantly enables. They asked their pastor for advice, and he told them to sell off the vinyl and other collections and eat rice and beans for a while. "Can you believe that?" BIL says. "Who could do that? Stupid." I mostly feel horrible for the two kids, who are learning some very bad behavior from their parents and their grandparents - my parents are hardly models to follow financially, since they've been in debt for about 30-odd years now. My sister, if she ever pulls out of her depression/funk, can right the ship, but she may have to throw BIL overboard to do so. Sucks.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2016, 11:50:29 AM by TRBeck »

DividendMoney

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #837 on: January 07, 2016, 12:53:15 PM »
My Brother, who has always had a hard time with understanding money, will often ask me for advice.
I will tell him my thoughts, but he will eventually do what he wants anyway and be back asking me what he can do to 'get ahead' 6 months later... he just can't seem to 'get ahead'.

He and his wife are pregnant with their third child in 4 years, they just bought a new house and are upgrading the basement, they had to buy a bigger SUV with 7 passenger seating to accomodate 3 car seats, and they are heading on an all inclusive trip to Mexico before they 'can't travel any more because of baby #3 due to be born in the spring'.

If this wasn't bad enough... he just posted a picture of a new snowmobile on instagram.

But, that's none of my business... *Sits back, sips tea and waits for the eventual fallout*

To follow up on this ridiculousness... Brother has now posted a request on Facebook looking for anyone who might have a trailer for sale so that he can haul his new Snowmobile.  At least he is looking to buy it used, I guess... :)


Proud Foot

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #838 on: January 08, 2016, 12:02:19 PM »
I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any

I went to one. It was grim.

Oh man, dry weddings. There's a branch of my family that sees drinking as a character flaw, so I've been to a few. Grim is the word.

My wife and I had a dry wedding.  Her parents are against drinking as both had alcoholic parents and relatives.  But another reason for having a dry wedding was the chapel our wedding was at required one security guard/100 guests if alcohol was going to be served.  We only had around 100 guests so would have only needed one but the additional cost was excessive.

MandalayVA

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #839 on: January 08, 2016, 12:53:04 PM »
I really can't imagine an evening wedding without alcohol, even if I don't drink any

I went to one. It was grim.

Oh man, dry weddings. There's a branch of my family that sees drinking as a character flaw, so I've been to a few. Grim is the word.

I had a dry wedding, but it was more "we couldn't afford booze" than any religious/cultural thing.  Plus I got married at eleven in the morning and unless it's a tailgate there's no booze before noon in my family.  :D
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onehair

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #840 on: January 14, 2016, 07:28:07 AM »
It has happened.  My uncle was finally evicted from his apartment yesterday.  Sure enough he called my mother for help.  She refused saying it was time for him to grow up and take care of himself.  My cousin also tried to help him but he was so determined to do nothing she gave up.  I did call my mother to see if there was anything she wanted me to do for him.  She said to do nothing for him.  He tried to get my brother to hold his furniture but my brother declined.  He seems  My mother has ordered that none of us assist him like that is an order we will have trouble following...
From what my mother told me, he has continued to shop compulsively, has not applied for any jobs we know of or social services, has not done anything other than scheme for others to fund him.  He has run through his savings and his retirement money as well.   His apartment was full of beautiful things he could have sold to stay afloat.   He has cried, called himself names, and generally played the  I am so pathetic card in order to secure money from our other aunt and her children.  My aunt has said he can stay with her in the house as much as he despises her but I now believe this will put plans to sell the house on hold.  My mother may sign the house over to them and let them handle the bills I did advise she ask the lawyer how this could be done. 

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #841 on: January 14, 2016, 08:33:23 AM »
Speaking of weddings, a good friend of mine is getting married in August and was griping at how much open bars cost. He's thinking of having a cash bar. I asked him if he would object to me bringing a flask and he lit up, "YES! DO IT!" I don't know if I will or not, I don't really mind not drinking.

TRBeck

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #842 on: January 14, 2016, 08:48:30 AM »
It has happened.  My uncle was finally evicted from his apartment yesterday.  Sure enough he called my mother for help.  She refused saying it was time for him to grow up and take care of himself.  My cousin also tried to help him but he was so determined to do nothing she gave up.  I did call my mother to see if there was anything she wanted me to do for him.  She said to do nothing for him.  He tried to get my brother to hold his furniture but my brother declined.  He seems  My mother has ordered that none of us assist him like that is an order we will have trouble following...
From what my mother told me, he has continued to shop compulsively, has not applied for any jobs we know of or social services, has not done anything other than scheme for others to fund him.  He has run through his savings and his retirement money as well.   His apartment was full of beautiful things he could have sold to stay afloat.   He has cried, called himself names, and generally played the  I am so pathetic card in order to secure money from our other aunt and her children.  My aunt has said he can stay with her in the house as much as he despises her but I now believe this will put plans to sell the house on hold.  My mother may sign the house over to them and let them handle the bills I did advise she ask the lawyer how this could be done.
Wow. It's awful when you can see it coming and still can't do anything to stop it. Sometimes it's just too far gone to turn around.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #843 on: January 14, 2016, 09:54:40 AM »
It has happened.  My uncle was finally evicted from his apartment yesterday.  Sure enough he called my mother for help.  She refused saying it was time for him to grow up and take care of himself.  My cousin also tried to help him but he was so determined to do nothing she gave up.  I did call my mother to see if there was anything she wanted me to do for him.  She said to do nothing for him.  He tried to get my brother to hold his furniture but my brother declined.  He seems  My mother has ordered that none of us assist him like that is an order we will have trouble following...
From what my mother told me, he has continued to shop compulsively, has not applied for any jobs we know of or social services, has not done anything other than scheme for others to fund him.  He has run through his savings and his retirement money as well.   His apartment was full of beautiful things he could have sold to stay afloat.   He has cried, called himself names, and generally played the  I am so pathetic card in order to secure money from our other aunt and her children.  My aunt has said he can stay with her in the house as much as he despises her but I now believe this will put plans to sell the house on hold.  My mother may sign the house over to them and let them handle the bills I did advise she ask the lawyer how this could be done.

He despises his sister, his sister knows this, and she's still putting him up?
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

onehair

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #844 on: January 14, 2016, 10:28:12 AM »
It is my late grandmother's house my aunt is staying in. It is no skin off her nose if he moves back in since the house is in my mother's name at present.  He does despise her but it's not like he has a lot of options.  At least grandma's house is paid for.  We had advised him to do so once he was fired and to look for work.  Or to move to a cheaper place.  He did neither plus he is in great hock to the IRS.  He hasn't resolved that either.  My mom said she is just plain tired of him.

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #845 on: January 14, 2016, 11:41:24 AM »
Time to sell the house.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #846 on: January 15, 2016, 12:34:23 PM »
It is my late grandmother's house my aunt is staying in. It is no skin off her nose if he moves back in since the house is in my mother's name at present.

It's pretty easy to be generous with property that's someone else's legal responsibility. The amount of drama that will occur if he has to be evicted is staggering, and it's your mother who will be on the hook for it. She's being set up to be "the bad guy".

The aunt may also find that living in the same house as someone who despises her is no easy task. Also, supporting another adult is no walk in the park. Even if they avoid each other by sleeping at different times, she's still going to take a financial hit.

She still has to buy groceries and consumables for herself. Tenants who don't have income and can't buy their own food, generally think it's "no big deal" to just use someone else's, and they seldom replace what they take or let the owner know that something is now used up, worn out, or broken. Utilities? The water use for washing and drinking will double, electricity costs will increase, and someone's got to pay for that. It won't be the uncle: he's broke. Housework? There will be twice as much vacuuming and dusting with an extra person living there, plus more clutter due to personal effects.

Quote
My mom said she is just plain tired of him.

Then she should probably veto the plan of having him stay in the house with her sister.
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

onehair

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #847 on: January 19, 2016, 07:31:32 AM »
I agree completely.  Come to think of it I don't recall my uncle ever contributing to the expenses when he lived at home when Grandma and Granddaddy were living.  I don't know where he is staying right now I am betting he is with our cousins or other aunt. 

ender

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #848 on: January 19, 2016, 10:28:07 AM »
You know, in my life, I've only ever been to one wedding where alcohol was served, and I thought it was weird (not my wedding, obviously- ours was in a state park where it wasn't allowed). I'm not young, either. It just wouldn't occur to me to associate alcohol with weddings - not part of the culture here.


No cake, now that's weird.

ETA: I'm excepting a champagne toast, which is not uncommon. But that's one glass.

My wife and I rarely drink at all. For us having alcohol at our wedding wouldn't make sense (we did sparkling grape juice for the toast).

Anyone who actually knew us would either:

  • Not care/need to drink
  • Want to drink, but respect/understand our desires

Well, except my brothers, who probably were pissed off that they didn't get free alcohol and a chance to get drunk.



iris lily

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #849 on: January 23, 2016, 07:12:23 AM »
So my SIL bought a french bulldog. Tells me she got a smoking deal at $3500? She knows these dogs get health problems, but doesn't think it will be all that bad. My buddies parents have one and they think they got lucky, only paying $150 a month for medicine.

One day in 2011 we got 6 french bulldogs for free. True story.

It was a kinda/sorta rescue situation. Plus, before that we got two Frenchies for free. Cozy up to breeders, show them you are  responsible people, and they will give you dogs.

Now, back to ur refulalry scheduled discussion on relatives...