Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 1033123 times)

HairyUpperLip

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #700 on: December 10, 2015, 07:58:41 AM »
I have infinity more saved for retirement than my uncle, who is in his sixties. He recently asked my aunt for money because he had failed to account for self-employment tax on his $25,000 in income. He didn't want my aunt to tell their mother (who is 90), but it's ending up that the money is coming from my grandmother, and my parents are assuring everybody that if my grandmother runs out of money, they'll take care of her. (My parents have done very well and that isn't a problem for them.)

Did your parents just invite the rest of the family to milk the grandmother by sharing that fact?

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #701 on: December 10, 2015, 08:33:54 AM »
I have infinity more saved for retirement than my uncle, who is in his sixties. He recently asked my aunt for money because he had failed to account for self-employment tax on his $25,000 in income. He didn't want my aunt to tell their mother (who is 90), but it's ending up that the money is coming from my grandmother, and my parents are assuring everybody that if my grandmother runs out of money, they'll take care of her. (My parents have done very well and that isn't a problem for them.)

Did your parents just invite the rest of the family to milk the grandmother by sharing that fact?

I don't think it was shared with my uncle's kids. For that matter, I'm not sure my uncle knows where the money came from. My aunt is single, childless, and financially comfortable, and my parents, my siblings, and I are all set.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #702 on: December 10, 2015, 08:44:05 AM »
I have more saved for retirement than both of my parents combined, who are in their late 40s.

By a factor of infinity because they have zero retirement savings.

I've always expected that I'll have to at least partially support my parents in their old age, but I'll never be able to afford to support them at the standard of living to which they've become accustomed.

My parents went FIRE a long time ago, but weren't frugal. They always lived beyond their means, and didn't start seriously saving for retirement until their late 40s. They got away with it because my father worked in a very high-income field for several years. They stashed a couple million dollars then retired when my dad was in his mid-50's. They've always been big spenders: getting rid of their debt and stashing a couple million over a period of fifteen years shouldn't be hard while grossing USD$500k a year plus stock options. The fact they saved as little money as they did always saddened me, but they like to live high on the hog and my mother is especially interested in conspicuous consumption. She comes from an old family but due to a couple generations of people having very large families and a policy of favoring the boys with triple the inheritance the girls got, there wasn't much left by the time it got to her.

Presently, most of my parents' money is tied up in two income producing commercial properties. Between these properties, other investments, and all their other sources of income, they make a combined CAD$200k or so per year. (I take partial credit for getting them into investment real estate simply because it's reasonably stable income.)

Unfortunately my folks have always been big spenders, and they make very risky investments. They lost nearly CAD$200k on a type of oil company related security that promised an exceptionally high rate of return, but like many perks that depend on legislation this one depended on a politician keeping his promise to not remove the tax free incentive for the companies offering those securities. My parents persisted in believing there was "no risk", even though I pointed out that politicians lie all the time, especially in an election year. For years I've told them that risk always exists proportionate to the investment returns, and if they can't see the risk so as to accurately assess and mitigate it, they should pass on the investment. But they wouldn't sell because they put their faith in a politician's election promise, and shortly after the election the law changed their investments lost much of their value. At the moment, both of them have large portions of their RRSPs invested in a friend's oil company, which is trading at about 1/6 its former value due to low oil prices. So I presently have more in my 401(k) than the two of them have in their RRSPs. (Why my father is so heavily invested in stock at age 70+ I can't explain.)

To make matters worse, they just bought and moved into a larger, more expensive house and spent about $20k renovating it. Their old house, which is just up the street from their new one, isn't selling as quickly as they'd like because it's overpriced for the market. So they've got about CAD$1.3M in mortgage debt just for their residential real estate alone. They both have health problems, and I think financial stress is contributing to my dad's comfort overall. It's not that I don't love my parents. It's just that they're acting out the old adage about a fool and his money.
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gillstone

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #703 on: December 10, 2015, 09:15:13 AM »
I'm in for a rant right now.  My mother regularly talks about their financial problems and how hard it is to get by.  I'm sympathetic since they have had some legitimately hard times though now they are both employed and things are starting to look up.  Because of those hard times we've made an effort to make it easier for her to see the grandkids by visiting more often and even covering the cost of her visiting us. 

For instance, last year I paid for a rental car so she could drive over in a reliable vehicle.  Shortly after the visit she talked about the big garage sale they had where they sold over $2,500 in crap they had lying around.  Then she went on a rant about how my younger sisterís delinquent boyfriend apparently had stolen the $10,000 in knives they had stored in the basement.
Stop for a moment and let that sentence sink in.

This year my youngest child has yet to receive even a card for his September birthday because they apparently canít even afford postage.  Well, they could if they werenít also paying for a giant cable package, my stepfatherís smoking habit, the food and housing of my adult brothers and the occasional latte. 

WTF

That is all

AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #704 on: December 10, 2015, 09:34:33 AM »
...Then she went on a rant about how my younger sisterís delinquent boyfriend apparently had stolen the $10,000 in knives they had stored in the basement.
Stop for a moment and let that sentence sink in.
...

Wow, I like my Henckels kitchen set as much as the next guy and I have yet to regret buying a sward but how the heck to you spend 10k on knives?!?!?  Were they watching QVC Knife Collector and just fell asleep while ordering and the operator just put them down for 100 sets?  Or maybe the cat learned how to work the Amazon One Click Buying?
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HairyUpperLip

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #705 on: December 10, 2015, 11:14:48 AM »
...Then she went on a rant about how my younger sisterís delinquent boyfriend apparently had stolen the $10,000 in knives they had stored in the basement.
Stop for a moment and let that sentence sink in.
...

Wow, I like my Henckels kitchen set as much as the next guy and I have yet to regret buying a sward but how the heck to you spend 10k on knives?!?!?  Were they watching QVC Knife Collector and just fell asleep while ordering and the operator just put them down for 100 sets?  Or maybe the cat learned how to work the Amazon One Click Buying?

lol - yeah, wtf - sorry for your kids though, gillstone. Hopefully they'll understand it better as they get older.

Stashaholic

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #706 on: December 10, 2015, 12:22:07 PM »
I found out a few days ago that my parents bought a cookware set worth $4800! Then heard from my sister that they need some cash because there's no overtime available for some time and have some bills coming up.

And currently... They have over leveraged themselves on rental properties (about 5 or so in the past 10 years) that are not profitable, using retirement funds,  home equity, credit card balances to purchase. Bought a larger 2nd house using borrowed down payment and when their first tax bill came last year, they were short $8000 and had to borrow some more. When I asked why they didn't keep any emergency cash on the side for things like this, they said I was crazy to keep any money lying around when it's easy to borrow. They have many more mess ups, but these are at the top.

They won't approach me with any of their issues anymore because I've tried giving advice before and explained how crazy their decisions are with no effect, so now they will not get any sympathy from me.

RecoveringCarClown

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #707 on: December 10, 2015, 02:44:25 PM »
I'm in for a rant right now.  My mother regularly talks about their financial problems and how hard it is to get by.  I'm sympathetic since they have had some legitimately hard times though now they are both employed and things are starting to look up.  Because of those hard times we've made an effort to make it easier for her to see the grandkids by visiting more often and even covering the cost of her visiting us. 

For instance, last year I paid for a rental car so she could drive over in a reliable vehicle.  Shortly after the visit she talked about the big garage sale they had where they sold over $2,500 in crap they had lying around.  Then she went on a rant about how my younger sisterís delinquent boyfriend apparently had stolen the $10,000 in knives they had stored in the basement.
Stop for a moment and let that sentence sink in.

This year my youngest child has yet to receive even a card for his September birthday because they apparently canít even afford postage.  Well, they could if they werenít also paying for a giant cable package, my stepfatherís smoking habit, the food and housing of my adult brothers and the occasional latte. 

WTF

That is all

We need more story on the knives; this is a juicy nugget ripe for exploration!

zephyr911

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #708 on: December 10, 2015, 02:51:19 PM »
I have more saved for retirement than both of my parents combined, who are in their late 40s.

By a factor of infinity because they have zero retirement savings.
That's cute... my mom just got on SS this year and based on the clues she's dropped, her NW is negative by possibly six figures, with no assets to speak of.
I've had to help her a couple of times. She paid me back, or offered, immediately both times, but I'm scared about where she's headed.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #709 on: December 10, 2015, 03:07:57 PM »
...Then she went on a rant about how my younger sisterís delinquent boyfriend apparently had stolen the $10,000 in knives they had stored in the basement.
Stop for a moment and let that sentence sink in.
...

Wow, I like my Henckels kitchen set as much as the next guy and I have yet to regret buying a sward but how the heck to you spend 10k on knives?!?!?  Were they watching QVC Knife Collector and just fell asleep while ordering and the operator just put them down for 100 sets?  Or maybe the cat learned how to work the Amazon One Click Buying?

Hmm, maybe it was a bulk order for some of that stuff sold at flea markets. It's not unusual to see people buy a bunch of wholesale stuff, rent a flea market stall, and sell it at a markup. Flea markets are popular here when people are between jobs.
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Mormon Money Mustache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #710 on: December 10, 2015, 11:12:32 PM »
We had some family move across the country for work. Even though the husband's work was going to be 1.5 hours away they insisted on living close by. But not only that, apparently buying their dream home was a requirement. So they literally put every cent into a home in a ritzy neighborhood, ended up living w/o furniture for weeks, and now live paycheck to paycheck. He is a very young VP level employee and has hated his job from the get go.

Upon getting a new offer that will allow him to work from home their very first concern was making sure they didn't miss a paycheck during the change so that they don't have to put money on a CC again. SMH.

My wife relayed this to me and we both are just in shock. We have only recently begun making good money and could literally go years w/o a paycheck because we've saved over 40% of my income the last few years.

All that stress just to live in a fancy home. Boggles the mind.

gillstone

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #711 on: December 11, 2015, 09:08:42 AM »
OK so the knives...

While my mother's husband was suspended from work for drinking he decided that a good side hustle would be to buy items in bulk and at police auctions and then sell them on EBay.  He would buy pallets of junk at auctions for the sake of one item and at some point bought a whole fuck-ton of knives with intent to resell.  Of course nothing actually sold since his attention got drawn to trying to distill his own whiskey and then to being a medical marijuana grower.
 
The stuff occupied the garage of the farm they were living on until they decided to stop paying the mortgage and it followed them around through a few rentals in Washington and Idaho before one day they noticed that the chest was missing.  They suspect the boyfriend of my 15 year old sister.  Itís created some friction which isnít likely you ease since she plans on marrying him and raising their daughter together once he gets out of prison.

There are reasons we live several hours away.

zephyr911

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #712 on: December 11, 2015, 10:27:46 AM »
We had some family move across the country for work. Even though the husband's work was going to be 1.5 hours away they insisted on living close by. But not only that, apparently buying their dream home was a requirement. So they literally put every cent into a home in a ritzy neighborhood, ended up living w/o furniture for weeks, and now live paycheck to paycheck. He is a very young VP level employee and has hated his job from the get go.

Upon getting a new offer that will allow him to work from home their very first concern was making sure they didn't miss a paycheck during the change so that they don't have to put money on a CC again. SMH.
On the plus side, their cost of living should go down without that absolutely insane soul-sucking commute... unless they immediately invent a way to blow the difference.
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onehair

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #713 on: December 11, 2015, 10:29:30 AM »
$4800 for cookware? Even the set I wanted once upon a time diamond coated was only $700 last I checked.  What brand is that?



Pooperman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #714 on: December 11, 2015, 10:40:38 AM »
$4800 for cookware? Even the set I wanted once upon a time diamond coated was only $700 last I checked.  What brand is that?

Gold-plated Trump (R) branded cookware? The super fancy copper/stainless steel Emril (R) branded cookware was like $280. It's awesome compared to the old non-stick crap we had. How the hell does one spend $4800 on cookware?

RecoveringCarClown

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #715 on: December 11, 2015, 11:39:23 AM »
...They suspect the boyfriend of my 15 year old sister.  Itís created some friction which isnít likely you ease since she plans on marrying him and raising their daughter together once he gets out of prison.

There are reasons we live several hours away.

Ho-lee-shit!

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #716 on: December 11, 2015, 11:48:19 AM »
$4800 for cookware? Even the set I wanted once upon a time diamond coated was only $700 last I checked.  What brand is that?

Gold-plated Trump (R) branded cookware? The super fancy copper/stainless steel Emril (R) branded cookware was like $280. It's awesome compared to the old non-stick crap we had. How the hell does one spend $4800 on cookware?

Wouldn't be that hard. In about 4 minutes on Crate and Barrel's website, I got 12 items and $2,166. I didn't get into any colanders, croc pots, knives, blenders, garlic presses, toasters, microwaves, or cast iron.

And I think about what I have at home--I have 3 soup pots, 4 sauce pans, 3 skillets, 1 cast-iron skillet, another skillet/pot thing, more pots... All have their different uses. It would be easy to get the price WAY up there if I got all of those brand new from All Clad or Le Creuset. (I got all mine from estate sales and marriage :P)

Now that I've typed that out, I think I'm going to go donate the stuff I'm not  using.

Roboturner

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #717 on: December 11, 2015, 11:59:29 AM »
My dad is a type-A, super work-a-holic type, when I first started my FI/ER journey he was super unsupportive saying things like "What you are you going to do? just sit and play golf and stuff for 50 years?? how ridiculous" - tried numerous times to explain that being FIRE does not mean you just "sit" and waste away with no luck.

Anyway he retired this year (technically ER at 59) saying "I'm going to continue to consult cause i'll be bored blah blah blah" - 6 months in, he has been having the time of his life doing whatever he wanted, reading, building houses with HFH etc - finally came up to me and was like "ohhh I get what you were saying now"

haha
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farmerj

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #718 on: December 11, 2015, 12:01:59 PM »
" How the hell does one spend $4800 on cookware?"

Le Creuset? I inherited one pot from my grandmother. Fabulously expensive, heavy enameled cast-iron. Some of their pans are $500 and up. Really nice stuff.

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #719 on: December 11, 2015, 12:24:17 PM »
" How the hell does one spend $4800 on cookware?"

Le Creuset? I inherited one pot from my grandmother. Fabulously expensive, heavy enameled cast-iron. Some of their pans are $500 and up. Really nice stuff.

We got one for a wedding gift. It is phenomenal. I expect it to last about 100 years.

Pooperman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #720 on: December 11, 2015, 12:29:53 PM »
" How the hell does one spend $4800 on cookware?"

Le Creuset? I inherited one pot from my grandmother. Fabulously expensive, heavy enameled cast-iron. Some of their pans are $500 and up. Really nice stuff.

We got one for a wedding gift. It is phenomenal. I expect it to last about 100 years.

I haven't opened the dutch oven we got for a wedding present. I think it was about $250 or something. Looks awesome, but we've got a crock pot that we can leave unattended...

Goldielocks

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #721 on: December 11, 2015, 01:57:16 PM »
" How the hell does one spend $4800 on cookware?"

Le Creuset? I inherited one pot from my grandmother. Fabulously expensive, heavy enameled cast-iron. Some of their pans are $500 and up. Really nice stuff.

We got one for a wedding gift. It is phenomenal. I expect it to last about 100 years.

I haven't opened the dutch oven we got for a wedding present. I think it was about $250 or something. Looks awesome, but we've got a crock pot that we can leave unattended...

Dutch Oven = overnight, no knead bread....    google it!

Megma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #722 on: December 11, 2015, 02:35:12 PM »
" How the hell does one spend $4800 on cookware?"

Le Creuset? I inherited one pot from my grandmother. Fabulously expensive, heavy enameled cast-iron. Some of their pans are $500 and up. Really nice stuff.

We got one for a wedding gift. It is phenomenal. I expect it to last about 100 years.

I haven't opened the dutch oven we got for a wedding present. I think it was about $250 or something. Looks awesome, but we've got a crock pot that we can leave unattended...

Dutch Oven = overnight, no knead bread....    google it!

+1 to Dutch oven bread. Make it once and you will be totally hooked. Amazing.
Goldilocks, we also make a similar one from some fancy NY chef called "stecca" - it's even better (like I will eat a whole loaf plain for a meal) and like 1 extra step, if you are interested let me know.

My mom & step-dad totally spent 3K+ on a full set of "Lifetime" cookware from some random door-to-door salesman about ~15 years ago. My mom cooks a lot, but I don't believe she still has it (maybe a few pieces). I recall adolescent me being shocked and thinking they were insane. Literally this person just knocked on our door one day and they gave him over 3k.

There was a similar incident with my mom and an electrolux vacuum purchase. A salesman knocked on the door and a few hours later we had a brand new $1500 vacuum.

If you catch my mom in the right mood, she will buy almost anything on virtually a whim.
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Dollar Slice

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #723 on: December 11, 2015, 02:44:41 PM »
Williams Sonoma has a $5k cookware set, IIRC. Copper + fancy name brand = $$$$

If you catch my mom in the right mood, she will buy almost anything on virtually a whim.

Can I have her phone number? I have a bridge to I wanted to wish her happy holidays.
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JAYSLOL

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #724 on: December 11, 2015, 06:31:32 PM »
" How the hell does one spend $4800 on cookware?"

Le Creuset? I inherited one pot from my grandmother. Fabulously expensive, heavy enameled cast-iron. Some of their pans are $500 and up. Really nice stuff.

That's the kind of stuff i go to garage sales to find :)
I also found a roasting pot collecting dust in a barn a few years ago

Cassie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #725 on: December 12, 2015, 11:23:11 AM »
Electrolux vacuums are worth the $ because most last 30 years or more.  My Mom owned 2 in 60 years and I had the same result. If you buy cheaper ones you keep replacing them.

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #726 on: December 15, 2015, 12:55:08 PM »
" How the hell does one spend $4800 on cookware?"

Le Creuset? I inherited one pot from my grandmother. Fabulously expensive, heavy enameled cast-iron. Some of their pans are $500 and up. Really nice stuff.

That's the kind of stuff i go to garage sales to find :)
I also found a roasting pot collecting dust in a barn a few years ago

I saw that brand on a "How It's Made" episode (love that show). When I saw one in a store I got an education. Call me naive but I did not know pots and pans could cost that much...

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #727 on: December 15, 2015, 01:32:36 PM »
" How the hell does one spend $4800 on cookware?"

Le Creuset? I inherited one pot from my grandmother. Fabulously expensive, heavy enameled cast-iron. Some of their pans are $500 and up. Really nice stuff.

That's the kind of stuff i go to garage sales to find :)
I also found a roasting pot collecting dust in a barn a few years ago

I saw that brand on a "How It's Made" episode (love that show). When I saw one in a store I got an education. Call me naive but I did not know pots and pans could cost that much...

They can, and it is one of those things that is grudgingly worth it. Now, that is not to say that you can't get a perfectly good one for cheaper--but I will not go back to the cheap Wal-Mart pots and pans ever again.

I bet that full retail our cookware was in the $750 to $1,000 range if not more. Luckily most of it was estate/garage saled or gifted.

druth

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #728 on: December 16, 2015, 09:19:33 AM »
Not the first or last time I will complain about my inlaws but...

Just got a letter in the mail.  In big letters on the top it says "You're Invited!"
and then underneath it explains that while they can't afford to do a fundraiser, we are "invited" to help them pay off their debts due to an "unfair and false" DOL finding against them and their businesses.  If just 15 families donate the suggested 1k donation(very presumptuous if you ask me), then they will be in the clear.

Why don't they have 15k of their own when they are in their 50s?
1. Putting a bunch of money into a "good christian" MLM scheme that will be "paying them 70k by next year". (next year has been just around the corner for about 2 years now)
2. getting a for profit degree so that one of them can do more parts of the job that they are planning to retire from 2 years after finishing the degree.
3. Leasing a car, returning the car, buying another luxury car instead, all while their cars worked fine.

As an aside does accusing somebody of giving false testimony and saying that the court is wrong open them up to slander liability?  Maybe, not my problem though.
Maybe I'll give them 5$, that's what they gave me for my graduation.

I suppose this is what people did before goFundMe?

crispy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #729 on: December 16, 2015, 09:27:47 AM »
Not the first or last time I will complain about my inlaws but...

Just got a letter in the mail.  In big letters on the top it says "You're Invited!"
and then underneath it explains that while they can't afford to do a fundraiser, we are "invited" to help them pay off their debts due to an "unfair and false" DOL finding against them and their businesses.  If just 15 families donate the suggested 1k donation(very presumptuous if you ask me), then they will be in the clear.

Why don't they have 15k of their own when they are in their 50s?
1. Putting a bunch of money into a "good christian" MLM scheme that will be "paying them 70k by next year". (next year has been just around the corner for about 2 years now)
2. getting a for profit degree so that one of them can do more parts of the job that they are planning to retire from 2 years after finishing the degree.
3. Leasing a car, returning the car, buying another luxury car instead, all while their cars worked fine.

As an aside does accusing somebody of giving false testimony and saying that the court is wrong open them up to slander liability?  Maybe, not my problem though.
Maybe I'll give them 5$, that's what they gave me for my graduation.

I suppose this is what people did before goFundMe?

Wow! I wouldn't even bother with the $5.  Who were the other 14 people they sent the "invitation" to?

UnleashHell

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #730 on: December 16, 2015, 09:32:08 AM »

Maybe I'll give them 5$, that's what they gave me for my graduation.


YES!
With a note that its the amount they gave you for graduation but its clear they need it more. an a PS asking them not to thank you....
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Dicey

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #731 on: December 16, 2015, 09:46:27 AM »
Maybe I'll give them 5$, that's what they gave me for my graduation.
Aw heck, at least adjust it for inflation. Tell them you saved and invested their five dollars and now it's grown to (fill in the blank) and you'd like to return it in light of their current situation.
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Paul der Krake

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #732 on: December 16, 2015, 10:11:17 AM »
Dear in-laws,

I have long cherished your graduation gift, and am glad to now repay the favor in this time of need. You will be glad to know that I have not spent a penny of it, choosing instead to trust the full amount to the capable hands of Wells Fargo downtown.

Please find attached a check for the principal and the full interest accrued since my graduation in 2006, for the total amount of $5.006.

See you at Christmas,

OP

druth

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #733 on: December 16, 2015, 10:13:42 AM »
Maybe I'll give them 5$, that's what they gave me for my graduation.
Aw heck, at least adjust it for inflation. Tell them you saved and invested their five dollars and now it's grown to (fill in the blank) and you'd like to return it in light of their current situation.
Too bad the market is down since I graduated.  Though giving them $4.87 would be pretty satisfying too.  I'll probably refrain from pettiness, but it's fun to dream.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #734 on: December 16, 2015, 10:16:21 AM »


Why don't they have 15k of their own when they are in their 50s?


Sad.

I think it's one thing when someone asks for money when they are having personal issues, but asking for money for a business? During the recession we had a cash flow problem, our solution was to get a LOAN from one of my cousins, that we paid back as fast as we could plus interest. The cousin tried to refuse the interest because he is an exceptionally nice person, but we insisted as that was money that he may have been able to better use and we felt that it was only fair.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #735 on: December 16, 2015, 10:19:56 AM »
Maybe I'll give them 5$, that's what they gave me for my graduation.
Aw heck, at least adjust it for inflation. Tell them you saved and invested their five dollars and now it's grown to (fill in the blank) and you'd like to return it in light of their current situation.
Too bad the market is down since I graduated.  Though giving them $4.87 would be pretty satisfying too.  I'll probably refrain from pettiness, but it's fun to dream.

It's your call. I imagine that they are the type of people that buy ink by the barrel, and I doubt it's a mess that you would care to deal with. I don't know how often you see them, but in my experience, people like that are self-righteous and your response would lead them to tell everyone that, "You're an ungrateful little _____," and that they have lost patience with you.

I love my sister but can't stand it when she makes comments to my mom that I don't call her. My response is to show my mom my phone which has a few dozen texts that I've sent to her and not received the favor of a reply and tell her that I also have left many voicemail over the past few months. I'm not even bitter, she's a married mother of 3 that also works, I'll call every now and then to catch up, and completely understand if she's unable to answer the phone or forgets to call back. This is especially easy as I know that she is a caring person. Though I am a little stung that she didn't respond to my Thanksgiving text, as both my parents did...and knowing my mom, she likely had to get help from someone in order to do so (not very tech savy.)

MandalayVA

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #736 on: December 16, 2015, 10:24:03 AM »
...They suspect the boyfriend of my 15 year old sister.  Itís created some friction which isnít likely you ease since she plans on marrying him and raising their daughter together once he gets out of prison.

There are reasons we live several hours away.

Ho-lee-shit!

More like "meth is a helluva drug!"
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druth

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #737 on: December 16, 2015, 10:24:19 AM »


Why don't they have 15k of their own when they are in their 50s?


Sad.

I think it's one thing when someone asks for money when they are having personal issues, but asking for money for a business? During the recession we had a cash flow problem, our solution was to get a LOAN from one of my cousins, that we paid back as fast as we could plus interest. The cousin tried to refuse the interest because he is an exceptionally nice person, but we insisted as that was money that he may have been able to better use and we felt that it was only fair.

My understanding is that while they are saying it is for the business it is for them and their immediate cash flow situation.  The business is being sold, so they will get money then, though I think it is just enough to get them out of the businesses debts, but until they sell it they are broke.  I'm not really in on the nitty gritty of this, though. This also causes other issues, like they haven't paid BIL+BILWife for their jobs with the business in months.

Pretty much none of their kids have been talking to them in the last month, and nobody is going to Christmas, so the timing of the letter is pretty apropos.  If they were nice people, or if I didn't think they would turn around and fritter it on MLM BS, I would consider gifting them some of the money but that is not the case.
« Last Edit: December 16, 2015, 10:38:54 AM by druth »

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #738 on: December 16, 2015, 10:49:42 AM »


Why don't they have 15k of their own when they are in their 50s?


Sad.

I think it's one thing when someone asks for money when they are having personal issues, but asking for money for a business? During the recession we had a cash flow problem, our solution was to get a LOAN from one of my cousins, that we paid back as fast as we could plus interest. The cousin tried to refuse the interest because he is an exceptionally nice person, but we insisted as that was money that he may have been able to better use and we felt that it was only fair.

My understanding is that while they are saying it is for the business it is for them and their immediate cash flow situation.  The business is being sold, so they will get money then, though I think it is just enough to get them out of the businesses debts, but until they sell it they are broke.  I'm not really in on the nitty gritty of this, though. This also causes other issues, like they haven't paid BIL+BILWife for their jobs with the business in months.

Pretty much none of their kids have been talking to them in the last month, and nobody is going to Christmas, so the timing of the letter is pretty apropos.  If they were nice people, or if I didn't think they would turn around and fritter it on MLM BS, I would consider gifting them some of the money but that is not the case.

Yikes, they have been stiffing other people? I am presuming that the BIL and BIL wife that you mentioned are employees or contractors for their business? Do they not have any cash available, or are they just refusing to pay them?

druth

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #739 on: December 16, 2015, 11:00:18 AM »
Yikes, they have been stiffing other people? I am presuming that the BIL and BIL wife that you mentioned are employees or contractors for their business? Do they not have any cash available, or are they just refusing to pay them?

A little of both I think.  BIL/BILWife are contractors for the business, and I think that they have been just paying them last(after themselves and the regular employees that would sue them) and turns out there isn't any money left by the time that they would have paid them. 
« Last Edit: December 16, 2015, 11:04:37 AM by druth »

gillstone

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #740 on: December 16, 2015, 11:26:52 AM »
Not the first or last time I will complain about my inlaws but...

Just got a letter in the mail.  In big letters on the top it says "You're Invited!"
and then underneath it explains that while they can't afford to do a fundraiser, we are "invited" to help them pay off their debts due to an "unfair and false" DOL finding against them and their businesses.  If just 15 families donate the suggested 1k donation(very presumptuous if you ask me), then they will be in the clear.

Why don't they have 15k of their own when they are in their 50s?
1. Putting a bunch of money into a "good christian" MLM scheme that will be "paying them 70k by next year". (next year has been just around the corner for about 2 years now)
2. getting a for profit degree so that one of them can do more parts of the job that they are planning to retire from 2 years after finishing the degree.
3. Leasing a car, returning the car, buying another luxury car instead, all while their cars worked fine.

As an aside does accusing somebody of giving false testimony and saying that the court is wrong open them up to slander liability?  Maybe, not my problem though.
Maybe I'll give them 5$, that's what they gave me for my graduation.

I suppose this is what people did before goFundMe?

Nah do the funding as a MLM since they love those so much.  Promise to find them five people who will either get them $50 each and find five other people to get them $50 each.  Money should be in next year like it always is.

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #741 on: December 16, 2015, 01:33:18 PM »
Yikes, they have been stiffing other people? I am presuming that the BIL and BIL wife that you mentioned are employees or contractors for their business? Do they not have any cash available, or are they just refusing to pay them?

A little of both I think.  BIL/BILWife are contractors for the business, and I think that they have been just paying them last(after themselves and the regular employees that would sue them) and turns out there isn't any money left by the time that they would have paid them.
Wonder if they're the ones behind the DOL problems?  A lot of 'contractors' are treated like 'employees' which can be a big problem for the 'business' if various agencies get involved.  Key is to pay everyone enough that nobody rocks the boat if you're gonna do this.

druth

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #742 on: December 16, 2015, 02:02:12 PM »
Yikes, they have been stiffing other people? I am presuming that the BIL and BIL wife that you mentioned are employees or contractors for their business? Do they not have any cash available, or are they just refusing to pay them?

A little of both I think.  BIL/BILWife are contractors for the business, and I think that they have been just paying them last(after themselves and the regular employees that would sue them) and turns out there isn't any money left by the time that they would have paid them.
Wonder if they're the ones behind the DOL problems?  A lot of 'contractors' are treated like 'employees' which can be a big problem for the 'business' if various agencies get involved.  Key is to pay everyone enough that nobody rocks the boat if you're gonna do this.

I know they aren't, but it was a similar issue with a former employee saying that they were an employee and not a contractor.  It's unclear to me from the outside who is in the right, obviously the inlaws paint one picture but who knows how accurate it is.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #743 on: December 16, 2015, 02:11:37 PM »
Yikes, they have been stiffing other people? I am presuming that the BIL and BIL wife that you mentioned are employees or contractors for their business? Do they not have any cash available, or are they just refusing to pay them?

A little of both I think.  BIL/BILWife are contractors for the business, and I think that they have been just paying them last(after themselves and the regular employees that would sue them) and turns out there isn't any money left by the time that they would have paid them.
Wonder if they're the ones behind the DOL problems?  A lot of 'contractors' are treated like 'employees' which can be a big problem for the 'business' if various agencies get involved.  Key is to pay everyone enough that nobody rocks the boat if you're gonna do this.

I know they aren't, but it was a similar issue with a former employee saying that they were an employee and not a contractor.  It's unclear to me from the outside who is in the right, obviously the inlaws paint one picture but who knows how accurate it is.

I'm not a big fan of businesses treating more and more of their employees like contractors. The IRS has a 14 point test that they use. For obvious reasons, the government doesn't want an employee to be treated as an "independent contractor." The actual 14 points are pretty well thought out imo. But then again, businesses are going to try to avoid as many responsibilities and payments as they can.

onehair

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #744 on: December 17, 2015, 09:45:24 AM »
My mom is now into the full swing of cleaning out my late grandmother's house.  And my aunt once again is acting as if she has no common sense or sanity left whatsoever.  She had the gall to ask my mom if Grandma had a will or power of attorney.  You ask a year later?  What for?  For the record my mom is the Personal Representative for my late grandmother's estate.  Grandma didn't have a will. 

My mom also had set aside some of my grandmother's fur items for me.  My aunt has snatched them all but one fur stole. 

on the upside my uncle is now in hiding since he can no longer get money from my mom, his other aunt and his cousins who are her daughters. 



iris lily

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #745 on: December 18, 2015, 12:01:49 PM »
OK so the knives...

While my mother's husband was suspended from work for drinking he decided that a good side hustle would be to buy items in bulk and at police auctions and then sell them on EBay.  He would buy pallets of junk at auctions for the sake of one item and at some point bought a whole fuck-ton of knives with intent to resell.  Of course nothing actually sold since his attention got drawn to trying to distill his own whiskey and then to being a medical marijuana grower.
 
The stuff occupied the garage of the farm they were living on until they decided to stop paying the mortgage and it followed them around through a few rentals in Washington and Idaho before one day they noticed that the chest was missing.  They suspect the boyfriend of my 15 year old sister.  Itís created some friction which isnít likely you ease since she plans on marrying him and raising their daughter together once he gets out of prison.

There are reasons we live several hours away.

I nominate this for best post  in the Fxxked Up Family of the Year posting contest.

It has it all--drugs, alcohol, prison, teen mom and a baby.

merula

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #746 on: December 18, 2015, 12:10:23 PM »
OK so the knives...

While my mother's husband was suspended from work for drinking he decided that a good side hustle would be to buy items in bulk and at police auctions and then sell them on EBay.  He would buy pallets of junk at auctions for the sake of one item and at some point bought a whole fuck-ton of knives with intent to resell.  Of course nothing actually sold since his attention got drawn to trying to distill his own whiskey and then to being a medical marijuana grower.
 
The stuff occupied the garage of the farm they were living on until they decided to stop paying the mortgage and it followed them around through a few rentals in Washington and Idaho before one day they noticed that the chest was missing.  They suspect the boyfriend of my 15 year old sister.  Itís created some friction which isnít likely you ease since she plans on marrying him and raising their daughter together once he gets out of prison.

There are reasons we live several hours away.

I nominate this for best post  in the Fxxked Up Family of the Year posting contest.

It has it all--drugs, alcohol, prison, teen mom and a baby.

You missed dealing in deadly weapons as a get-rich-quick scheme. :)

paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #747 on: December 18, 2015, 01:25:45 PM »
Amen to that. By the time I finished reading that post, David Allen Coe's "world's worst country song" was already playing in the background of my mind. Gillstone I hope you remain far enough away from that train wreck to maintain the peace you richly deserve. Oh, and take a minute to listen to the song, you'll laugh you're ass off.

Rural

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #748 on: December 18, 2015, 01:45:04 PM »
Amen to that. By the time I finished reading that post, David Allen Coe's "world's worst country song" was already playing in the background of my mind. Gillstone I hope you remain far enough away from that train wreck to maintain the peace you richly deserve. Oh, and take a minute to listen to the song, you'll laugh you're ass off.


It's "The Perfect Country and Western Song."


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jkKn5HrKgHQ

LeRainDrop

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #749 on: December 18, 2015, 02:40:43 PM »
Amen to that. By the time I finished reading that post, David Allen Coe's "world's worst country song" was already playing in the background of my mind. Gillstone I hope you remain far enough away from that train wreck to maintain the peace you richly deserve. Oh, and take a minute to listen to the song, you'll laugh you're ass off.

It's "The Perfect Country and Western Song."

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jkKn5HrKgHQ

Ha!  Thank your for that.  I enjoyed it :-)