Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 602083 times)

Lian

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #650 on: November 19, 2015, 09:18:43 PM »
With Honda and Toyota, there is a lot more consistency and their cars will generally last to 200k with a lower level of maintenance than most other brands, almost guaranteed.
Nice. My Honda's at 100k and i was wondering how much longer it will last..
It really depends on the year. The newer Hondas won't go the same miles as the 90s and early 2000s models. They've had to cut corners with their build quality to keep up with market fluctuations. I feel confident in saying that anything built before 2005 can hit 300k if you follow the maintenance schedule to a T (including belt, bearing, and gasket replacements), but after that they started to go downhill. 200,000 is still reasonable, but it takes a little nurturing to get it there.

Wow - that's good to know. My 2003 Civic is almost at 80k, and I do follow the maintenance schedule. Think I'll stop eyeing newer models, and see if I can make it to 300k.

Pooperman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #651 on: November 20, 2015, 05:32:32 AM »
With Honda and Toyota, there is a lot more consistency and their cars will generally last to 200k with a lower level of maintenance than most other brands, almost guaranteed.
Nice. My Honda's at 100k and i was wondering how much longer it will last..
It really depends on the year. The newer Hondas won't go the same miles as the 90s and early 2000s models. They've had to cut corners with their build quality to keep up with market fluctuations. I feel confident in saying that anything built before 2005 can hit 300k if you follow the maintenance schedule to a T (including belt, bearing, and gasket replacements), but after that they started to go downhill. 200,000 is still reasonable, but it takes a little nurturing to get it there.

Wow - that's good to know. My 2003 Civic is almost at 80k, and I do follow the maintenance schedule. Think I'll stop eyeing newer models, and see if I can make it to 300k.

Looks like you'll hit 300k miles in the 2050s. Can anyone say 'classic'?

gliderpilot567

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #652 on: November 20, 2015, 10:25:53 AM »
I love my parents, but my father especially indoctrinated me with HORRIBLE anti-mustachian money advice, probably since he didn't know any better. He finally retired for real last year at age 72, after getting a military pension since age 42 and working ever since then in various full time jobs, some with horrible commutes. I feel bad for him now.

Here are some of the stupid things that my parents taught me about money.

- Debt is good, especially mortgage debt, because you can write the interest off your taxes. Buy the biggest house you can, at the longest mortgage term you can find, make the smallest down payment possible.
- Never, ever rent a place to live. ALWAYS buy.
- Debt is good because it helps you build credit.
- Only get a 30 year fixed rate mortgage. The other terms are bad, and an ARM is ALWAYS a bad idea.
- After you have paid in sufficient equity on your house, take it back out and remodel said house. This way you can also start paying more interest again and get that tax break.
- Buy a new car because used cars are ALWAYS unreliable and will leave you broken down stranded. (To their credit, they have kept all of the new cars they've bought forever, and ran them into the dirt, so they have bought few cars over the years).
- Just go in to the dealer and don't worry about having to haggle or negotiate, they will cut you an honest deal and won't bamboozle you.
- Buy a car for the statement it makes about you, so buy something new, well equipped, and expensive so that people take you seriously (I almost bought a $60k Corvette in my first year out of college because of this.... damn! I still ended up buying a stupid 35k truck though).
- Never, ever pay cash for anything. Use a credit card for everything (at least he taught me to pay it off in full each month.... but this still does not prevent you from overspending on it in the first place)
- Don't get carried away investing, it's too risky. Your uncle lost everything in the stock market. (Said uncle has been living retired in Thailand for about 10 years now)

Looking back on all this I alternately shake my head and bang it against my desk. I did SO MUCH stupid stuff because of these teachings and examples.

infogoon

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #653 on: November 20, 2015, 12:14:30 PM »
My brother and I both bought $75k houses about a decade ago. Mine is paid off. He owes $140k on the mortgage he just refinanced.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #654 on: November 20, 2015, 12:33:03 PM »

- Don't get carried away investing, it's too risky. Your uncle lost everything in the stock market. (Said uncle has been living retired in Thailand for about 10 years now)


Thailand would be awesome to retire to.

gliderpilot567

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #655 on: November 20, 2015, 01:45:45 PM »

- Don't get carried away investing, it's too risky. Your uncle lost everything in the stock market. (Said uncle has been living retired in Thailand for about 10 years now)


Thailand would be awesome to retire to.

It would! I visited once. The food is awesome, people are friendly and best of all, beers are like 30 cents each...

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #656 on: November 20, 2015, 01:52:45 PM »

- Don't get carried away investing, it's too risky. Your uncle lost everything in the stock market. (Said uncle has been living retired in Thailand for about 10 years now)


Thailand would be awesome to retire to.

It would! I visited once. The food is awesome, people are friendly and best of all, beers are like 30 cents each...

Upon FIRING and actual retiring, I would love to live in the Philippines and Thailand, it might be great to do so for my first year or two just to get a total break from everyone.

Paul der Krake

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #657 on: November 20, 2015, 03:34:57 PM »
My brother and I both bought $75k houses about a decade ago. Mine is paid off. He owes $140k on the mortgage he just refinanced.
Can you give us a play-by-play of the events? That's quite the achievement.

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #658 on: November 20, 2015, 05:06:55 PM »
With Honda and Toyota, there is a lot more consistency and their cars will generally last to 200k with a lower level of maintenance than most other brands, almost guaranteed.
Nice. My Honda's at 100k and i was wondering how much longer it will last..
It really depends on the year. The newer Hondas won't go the same miles as the 90s and early 2000s models. They've had to cut corners with their build quality to keep up with market fluctuations. I feel confident in saying that anything built before 2005 can hit 300k if you follow the maintenance schedule to a T (including belt, bearing, and gasket replacements), but after that they started to go downhill. 200,000 is still reasonable, but it takes a little nurturing to get it there.
Only 200k for my 2006 Matrix?  Dang, it will be EOL when my 9 year old starts college. I was hoping he could take it with him (depending on where he goes)

At 200k, you'll probably be looking at a timing belt (should be about the 3rd or 4th time with that one), possibly brakes (I'd be looking hard at the lines themselves), fuel filter, fuel pump, spark plugs, coolant hoses, axle boots, etc. Most of these things would just be looked at. The timing belt and fuel filter I'd change just because. I'd also do a coolant flush, probably transmission fluid flush, etc. A lot of these things might have been done in just regular maintenance anyways.

Then continue to drive it and hate it for another 200k miles.

(I married into a 2004 Corolla which is sort of the sedan version of the matrix. I hate the thing, but I'll be damned if it isn't super reliable).

EDIT: Would also be having the alignment done, but that should be checked more often than 200k anyways (which can be done by noticing odd handling or odd tire wear)
We've had alignment issues with this car from the get go, so we have it checked pretty regularly

Debonair

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #659 on: November 21, 2015, 10:13:55 PM »
"He's so stingy. When they got married, he wouldn't even let her buy magazines!"

OMG I HATE the "let" language about money. It absolutely undermines everything about shared budgets and responsibilities. And also it implies that it's one person's money tocontrol. Which I guess might be the case in some (rare) circumstances, but generally speaking, that is such bs.

Maybe I've got a more visceral reaction to this language than most: my grandmother was a stay-at-home mom (like most women of her generation...) and she genuinely had to justify to my grandfather why she wanted a new lipstick (whereas his woodworking tools for hobby use were obviously not for anyone else to question). I was really young when I swore that I would never be in a situation where I had to ask for permission for minor expenses. (And I've always earned at least 50% more than anyone I dated, so... guess that stuck with me.)
I hate the word "let" in reference to spouses in general. My wife likes to change her hair color every few weeks and has a Mohawk. People tell me they can't believe I "let" her do that. Excuse me? She is her own person. She can do whatever makes her happy with or without my permission.

OMG. This. I occasionally ask my husband's opinion about something ("does this sweater look good?", or "do you care if I shave my legs in winter?" - to answers of "your other one looks better" and "I have tits in my face, why would I care", respectively) but I can guarantee that if he said anything along the lines of "don't cut your hair, I don't want you to" my FIRST phone call would be to a hairdresser. Or to whichever friend I know with a buzzcut and the means to maintain it.

Lol, I'm not the only one! My supervisor says her husband freaks out every time she cuts her hair ("Women should have long hair!")...I can't even tell the difference when she does. Granted, she's in the older generation, her daughter is a couple years older than me, but I'd be running for a buzz cut if my DH tried to dictate how long my hair should be.
I chopped about eight inches off earlier this year, ended up chin to shoulder length area and I couldn't even get my DH to tell me which way he preferred, he really just doesn't care. Interestingly I still have the second longest hair out of seven women in my office.

DH will use the excuse "The wife won't let me" if he doesn't want to do something which kind of irks me but I understand he's trying to not hurt other's feelings
Ha. Within a week of my (ex) BF telling me he loved my hair long (like his ex-GF), I got it chopped.

Good now I know how to get my GF to cut her hair shorter. This will save a bunch of time in the morning
« Last Edit: November 21, 2015, 10:15:36 PM by Debonair »

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #660 on: November 23, 2015, 03:32:30 PM »
DH will use the excuse "The wife won't let me" if he doesn't want to do something which kind of irks me but I understand he's trying to not hurt other's feelings
If this only irks you, I consider you a saint.  I LOATHE "the wife won't let me" line.

Every once in a while I get the "can I do this?" phone call.  To which the response is something like this, "You are an adult and you can make your own decisions.  In the 15+ years we have been together have I ever told you you CAN'T do something?  No.  Then why are you asking?"

Spoiler: He is asking because he thinks it is a bad idea. 

So the next few lines are:  "If YOU think it is a bad idea, and YOU don't want to do it, then have the balls to say so.  I am not giving you prior approvable to make what you think is a bad decision, and I refuse to be painted as the bad guy.  This one's on you."


My husband tried this once. He travels for work (approx. 90 flights across 40 trips this year). He was getting a bit burnt out in August and when he was offered a trip to Japan he told his boss that I wanted him to spend more time at home.

I said no such thing. I have never asked him to turn down a trip, I have attended all manner of dinner parties and weddings by myself while he has been away, and I pride myself on being a supportive wife who objects to nothing more than the number of phone chargers he leaves in hotel rooms.

He considers it a sign of weakness to take days off (he's taken two sick days in three years, and has nine weeks of annual leave owing), and a sign of weakness to turn down trips. So he blamed me.

I was uncomfortable with being labelled something I'm not, and even more uncomfortable by his idea that he can't vocalise his own reservations when managing his workload.

In vague terms b/c i don't want to invade your privacy what does a person do in their job that requires so much travel? Is he the traveling company expert and advises people around the world how solve some problem or a salesman or attending meetings?

Just curious.

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #661 on: November 23, 2015, 03:35:57 PM »
With Honda and Toyota, there is a lot more consistency and their cars will generally last to 200k with a lower level of maintenance than most other brands, almost guaranteed.
Nice. My Honda's at 100k and i was wondering how much longer it will last..

My Honda is 18 years old and nearly 300K - so it ought to last a long, long time if you take care of it (change oil, drive it like you love it).

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #662 on: November 23, 2015, 03:39:55 PM »
Yeah, I've got a 2006 Sonata. It scares the shit out of me with the way it sounds as compared with the Honda I had before. It's pushing 50k miles now, so we'll see how far it goes. Here's hoping 200k (another 10-20 years).
I have a 2000 Honda Accord V6.  Recall at 2 weeks to get a new transmission.  Regular maintenance (oil, timing belt, etc.) kept it going to 200k miles.  At 200k I had to get a new transmission.  Shortly after I needed a new alternator. At 250k I needed new rear bearings.  At 260k a couple injectors clogged up and were replaced.  At 268k I needed a new starter.  Overall cost hasn't been too much as the car is still our main vehicle because it is comfortable and runs very well.  My next big cost will be replacing the rotors and possibly the front bearings.  All else is good (knock on wood).

I sold my last Accord (a 1982) at just over 200k miles and it was still running very good.

This is honestly very easy. You can definitely save some money here and do this yourself. Cheapo rotors are pretty cheap. :)

Don't assume that cheap = good. I've bought several sets of cheapo rotors that warp within 90 days. I had one set that lasted 35 days before they warped. The OEM rotors lasted over 90K before they needed replacement on the same car, same two drivers since new.

I do my own work so the time/effort to pull the rotors off and have them turned is minimal (an hour or so total) and $20 at the local auto parts store to machine them. if you rely on a mechanic and plan to keep the vehicle long term - I think I'd be shopping for OEM parts from an online dealer if your local dealer is expensive like mine. Online OEM price = same as top price aftermarket. Local dealer = multiples of the same price. He's crazy.
« Last Edit: November 23, 2015, 03:53:47 PM by Joe Average »

G. Thomas

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #663 on: November 23, 2015, 09:43:14 PM »
An uncle/aunt are nearing retirement from the school system.  Although being invested in paper assets for the duration of their tenure they want to get into "honest" hard commodities.  They site the legalization of gay marriage (and media fueled global conflicts) as a sign of the biblical end of days.  Uncle will also use retirement money to get home completely off the grid and become self sufficient. 

sooo kind of mustachian?...

JordanOfGilead

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #664 on: November 24, 2015, 06:22:45 AM »
DH will use the excuse "The wife won't let me" if he doesn't want to do something which kind of irks me but I understand he's trying to not hurt other's feelings
If this only irks you, I consider you a saint.  I LOATHE "the wife won't let me" line.

Every once in a while I get the "can I do this?" phone call.  To which the response is something like this, "You are an adult and you can make your own decisions.  In the 15+ years we have been together have I ever told you you CAN'T do something?  No.  Then why are you asking?"

Spoiler: He is asking because he thinks it is a bad idea. 

So the next few lines are:  "If YOU think it is a bad idea, and YOU don't want to do it, then have the balls to say so.  I am not giving you prior approvable to make what you think is a bad decision, and I refuse to be painted as the bad guy.  This one's on you."


My husband tried this once. He travels for work (approx. 90 flights across 40 trips this year). He was getting a bit burnt out in August and when he was offered a trip to Japan he told his boss that I wanted him to spend more time at home.

I said no such thing. I have never asked him to turn down a trip, I have attended all manner of dinner parties and weddings by myself while he has been away, and I pride myself on being a supportive wife who objects to nothing more than the number of phone chargers he leaves in hotel rooms.

He considers it a sign of weakness to take days off (he's taken two sick days in three years, and has nine weeks of annual leave owing), and a sign of weakness to turn down trips. So he blamed me.

I was uncomfortable with being labelled something I'm not, and even more uncomfortable by his idea that he can't vocalise his own reservations when managing his workload.

In vague terms b/c i don't want to invade your privacy what does a person do in their job that requires so much travel? Is he the traveling company expert and advises people around the world how solve some problem or a salesman or attending meetings?

Just curious.
I'm an engineer at a corporate office for our company and we have manufacturing plants all over North America. I don't travel quite as much as the person mentioned, but there are people in my office that do. The needs of the company and whatnot ...

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #665 on: November 24, 2015, 07:37:11 AM »
I'm an engineer at a corporate office for our company and we have manufacturing plants all over North America. I don't travel quite as much as the person mentioned, but there are people in my office that do. The needs of the company and whatnot ...

Thanks. I was wondering...

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #666 on: November 24, 2015, 07:47:37 AM »
An uncle/aunt are nearing retirement from the school system.  Although being invested in paper assets for the duration of their tenure they want to get into "honest" hard commodities.  They site the legalization of gay marriage (and media fueled global conflicts) as a sign of the biblical end of days.  Uncle will also use retirement money to get home completely off the grid and become self sufficient. 

sooo kind of mustachian?...

Sort of Mustachian until they start building a cache of tools/food/supplies that never get used. Saw 15 mins of a TV show years ago once where this family had moved to nowhere, bought a number of large vehicles like old school buses, shipping containers, weapons/ammo, etc. Looked to me like a HUGE expenditure of money ($50K+) for a situation that might never happen. Knowing TV these days - it could have been 100% fiction but it was presented as "real".

A coworker of mine believed the rumors that Obama was coming for everyone's guns years ago - so the coworker started buying ammo when ammo was in short supply. He was buying it at the top (scarce) pricing. Now is sitting on ? rounds of ammo that cost multiples of current prices and he'll never NEED that ammo. He too thinks we might be seeing signs of the end of times (Obama, gay marriage, etc also).

I'm a big believer in having a couple of weeks of supplies on hand - camping gear (which we use anyhow) plus staples - in case of weather events. Clearly if the trucking industry went dark then the grocery stores would empty pretty quickly. All it takes is an ice storm to do that here. I'm willing to bet that most city/suburban folks don't have enough food staples to bridge a two week emergency. Saw an interesting thing in an outdoor store once -  a 5 gallon bucket full of freeze dried foods. Supposedly meals for four for I think 30 days.

jorjor

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #667 on: November 24, 2015, 09:09:20 AM »
A relative who does sorta get it: My wife's dad came to visit. He had a list of stuff he wanted to talk to us about. An "advice column" if you will. He went through that list last night. This morning, I saw the paper on which he had written everything down, and it included "Pay off all of your debts now!" He never brought that one up. I think he realized we figured that one out for ourselves.

AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #668 on: November 24, 2015, 09:50:14 AM »
An uncle/aunt are nearing retirement from the school system.  Although being invested in paper assets for the duration of their tenure they want to get into "honest" hard commodities.  They site the legalization of gay marriage (and media fueled global conflicts) as a sign of the biblical end of days.  Uncle will also use retirement money to get home completely off the grid and become self sufficient. 

sooo kind of mustachian?...

Sort of Mustachian until they start building a cache of tools/food/supplies that never get used. Saw 15 mins of a TV show years ago once where this family had moved to nowhere, bought a number of large vehicles like old school buses, shipping containers, weapons/ammo, etc. Looked to me like a HUGE expenditure of money ($50K+) for a situation that might never happen. Knowing TV these days - it could have been 100% fiction but it was presented as "real".

A coworker of mine believed the rumors that Obama was coming for everyone's guns years ago - so the coworker started buying ammo when ammo was in short supply. He was buying it at the top (scarce) pricing. Now is sitting on ? rounds of ammo that cost multiples of current prices and he'll never NEED that ammo. He too thinks we might be seeing signs of the end of times (Obama, gay marriage, etc also).

I'm a big believer in having a couple of weeks of supplies on hand - camping gear (which we use anyhow) plus staples - in case of weather events. Clearly if the trucking industry went dark then the grocery stores would empty pretty quickly. All it takes is an ice storm to do that here. I'm willing to bet that most city/suburban folks don't have enough food staples to bridge a two week emergency. Saw an interesting thing in an outdoor store once -  a 5 gallon bucket full of freeze dried foods. Supposedly meals for four for I think 30 days.

Was it "Doomsday Preppers" - is on Netflix?  From the first hand full of episodes I have seen it seems like most of the people profiled can afford to do what they are doing or at least dont have to put it on cc.  But it also looks like most all of them would do far better to spend 25$/month on a gym membership than to spend that on going from 5 years survival rations to 5.01 years survival rations.  Great, you have fifteen guns and X tons of ammo in your home but you get winded walking up the stairs out of your bunker; I see some basic problems here.  For many of them it looks like a life style or habit as much as anything. 

That said everyone should have a week or twos worth of food and water at home + other related supplies.
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Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #669 on: November 24, 2015, 11:13:16 AM »
Was it "Doomsday Preppers" - is on Netflix?  From the first hand full of episodes I have seen it seems like most of the people profiled can afford to do what they are doing or at least dont have to put it on cc.  But it also looks like most all of them would do far better to spend 25$/month on a gym membership than to spend that on going from 5 years survival rations to 5.01 years survival rations.  Great, you have fifteen guns and X tons of ammo in your home but you get winded walking up the stairs out of your bunker; I see some basic problems here.  For many of them it looks like a life style or habit as much as anything. 

That said everyone should have a week or twos worth of food and water at home + other related supplies.

Yep - I think that might have been it. Didn't realize it was on Netflix. I might have seen it at one of my cable TV subscribing relatives' homes.

I am not too worried about terrorists or zombies or Obama. ;)

This past winter (here in the south) we had an ice storm that wreaked havoc on my part of the state. Some of the elevated  portions were without electricity for two weeks (!) until the utility companies could get all the downed trees off the power lines and the lines repaired. Apparently there was a Red Cross warming station that was visited by a man who had not eaten in days b/c he had no power, no food, etc. He walked into the station. I never want to be the guy unprepared.

We usually get snow once or twice a winter. Ice in this part of the state is rare. Usually that happens south of us. Sleet followed by cold of darkness = ice storm.

There were alot of trees brought down by the ice in the rural areas. I prepped that day as the storm arrived by running around town buying propane and kerosene just in case we had no power. My AWD cute-ute saved my day. ;) Made it home just as the ice made the roads really dangerous.

We have no fireplace or wood stove though I'd like to install a wood stove someday. We're dependent on electricity (heat pump / gas furnace hybrid). We lost power only for a few hours and we stayed warm.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2015, 11:15:11 AM by Joe Average »

Joggernot

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #670 on: November 24, 2015, 01:33:12 PM »
My hurricane prep consists of cans of beans, chili, Spam, ham, beef, various snacks, and protein bars.  Unlike freeze dried foods, these don't need water or heat to become food.  For water I have two bathtubs.  That should get me through a few days until the water runs out.  Then I'll have to seek other shelter.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #671 on: November 24, 2015, 02:00:03 PM »
An uncle/aunt are nearing retirement from the school system.  Although being invested in paper assets for the duration of their tenure they want to get into "honest" hard commodities.  They site the legalization of gay marriage (and media fueled global conflicts) as a sign of the biblical end of days.  Uncle will also use retirement money to get home completely off the grid and become self sufficient. 

sooo kind of mustachian?...
No, not even a little Mustachian. MMM advocates "using science and logic" to optimize your outcome. Your relatives are using "common sense" (aka "emotion") to make decisions based on fear.

When you say "hard commodities", I assume you mean gold, silver, and all the other bullshit advertised on daytime "news" channels, with no liquidity, high expense ratios, and historically awful returns. There is no good way to invest in these things as an average consumer and get secure retirement income from them. Not one.

On top of that, investing in the hardware to go off grid only has a high ROI in about 3 states with utility costs far above the national average, so that's another net loss for them if they live in the other 47 (and people with the paranoid tribalistic unique and special worldview you describe generally do). The only profitable way to use renewable energy right now is grid-tied solar and wind production with a net metering agreement or other incentivized contract so you can sell your surplus. Disconnecting and paying $10-25K for batteries not only nukes the return but eliminates retail sales of the excess, leaving you locked into your own little cocoon of energy. I'd suggest they hold onto their humanity and their interdependence. They'll probably be better off that way.
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AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #672 on: November 24, 2015, 02:28:17 PM »
An uncle/aunt are nearing retirement from the school system.  Although being invested in paper assets for the duration of their tenure they want to get into "honest" hard commodities.  They site the legalization of gay marriage (and media fueled global conflicts) as a sign of the biblical end of days.  Uncle will also use retirement money to get home completely off the grid and become self sufficient. 

sooo kind of mustachian?...
No, not even a little Mustachian. MMM advocates "using science and logic" to optimize your outcome. Your relatives are using "common sense" (aka "emotion") to make decisions based on fear.

When you say "hard commodities", I assume you mean gold, silver, and all the other bullshit advertised on daytime "news" channels, with no liquidity, high expense ratios, and historically awful returns. There is no good way to invest in these things as an average consumer and get secure retirement income from them. Not one.

On top of that, investing in the hardware to go off grid only has a high ROI in about 3 states with utility costs far above the national average, so that's another net loss for them if they live in the other 47 (and people with the paranoid tribalistic unique and special worldview you describe generally do). The only profitable way to use renewable energy right now is grid-tied solar and wind production with a net metering agreement or other incentivized contract so you can sell your surplus. Disconnecting and paying $10-25K for batteries not only nukes the return but eliminates retail sales of the excess, leaving you locked into your own little cocoon of energy. I'd suggest they hold onto their humanity and their interdependence. They'll probably be better off that way.

I think you missed the most important unsaid assumption, the aunt/uncle will be dealing in Bitcoins.  Bitcoins are a hard currency ie not manipulated By The Man, you can mine them when ever you have excess off grid electrical power and they are highly liquid when traded electronically within the former Soviet republics. 

I bet there are some REALLY interesting forums on the net about off grid bitcoin mining.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #673 on: November 24, 2015, 04:57:33 PM »
Are you being sarcastic b/c from my POV Bitcoins seem less reliable than even trading match sticks and baseball cards to buy food and such. 

Can you explain what the mining Bitcoins means? I've skimmed the topic b/c it still isn't clear. maybe I need to visit Reddit and start an "explain it to me like I'm five" topic.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #674 on: November 24, 2015, 05:34:54 PM »
Can you explain what the mining Bitcoins means? I've skimmed the topic b/c it still isn't clear. maybe I need to visit Reddit and start an "explain it to me like I'm five" topic.
There are already many of them. This one explains it pretty well:

https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/1b689q/eli5_this_bitcoin_mining_thing_again/

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #675 on: November 24, 2015, 05:35:49 PM »
Are you being sarcastic b/c from my POV Bitcoins seem less reliable than even trading match sticks and baseball cards to buy food and such. 

Can you explain what the mining Bitcoins means? I've skimmed the topic b/c it still isn't clear. maybe I need to visit Reddit and start an "explain it to me like I'm five" topic.

Bitcoins are blocks of numbers that are points which solve a very complicated equation. One "mines" by using computer power to attempt to find the next block.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #676 on: November 24, 2015, 06:39:03 PM »
Sorry, yes 100% sarcasm; not that I dont wish like hell I had put 100k into them in early 2013 then sold them all in late 2013.  Being 100% electronic they would be more useless than dirt in most any actual disaster that involved a utility disruption. 
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #677 on: November 25, 2015, 06:33:57 AM »
Sorry, yes 100% sarcasm; not that I dont wish like hell I had put 100k into them in early 2013 then sold them all in late 2013.  Being 100% electronic they would be more useless than dirt in most any actual disaster that involved a utility disruption.

Seems to me that the things that would be useful in an actual disaster are power-free versions of the things you usually use...a house that isn't in a flood/earthquake zone, a way to heat your house and get water, food that can be cooked that is actually good to eat and also a way to cook it (energy bars are gross, if the end of the world = perpetual energy bars, I'm out), and also general life skills that are useful even if there isn't a disaster. No one has ever lost out by having MORE skills. No skills or usable resources and piles of gold bars just seems... less optimal.

Related story: on a highschool trip, one spoiled brat of a dude had a button fall off his only nice shirt, and he didn't know how to sew it back on and refused to learn because  'that's women's work'. I was insulted (but practical) enough to accept sewing it back on for him, for the lovely sum of 50$ (upfront). Kinda seems like, in a pinch, gold bars and no skills would see a similar devaluation in exchange for actual skilled work...

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #678 on: November 25, 2015, 07:42:52 AM »
Related story: on a highschool trip, one spoiled brat of a dude had a button fall off his only nice shirt, and he didn't know how to sew it back on and refused to learn because  'that's women's work'. I was insulted (but practical) enough to accept sewing it back on for him, for the lovely sum of 50$ (upfront). Kinda seems like, in a pinch, gold bars and no skills would see a similar devaluation in exchange for actual skilled work...

This is awesome!  Good for you for charging him for your work.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #679 on: November 25, 2015, 07:58:49 AM »
Related story: on a highschool trip, one spoiled brat of a dude had a button fall off his only nice shirt, and he didn't know how to sew it back on and refused to learn because  'that's women's work'. I was insulted (but practical) enough to accept sewing it back on for him, for the lovely sum of 50$ (upfront). Kinda seems like, in a pinch, gold bars and no skills would see a similar devaluation in exchange for actual skilled work...

This is awesome!  Good for you for charging him for your work.

Honestly? I charged him 1$ for the work and 49$ for being a sexist ass.

Current freelancing clients get the same pricing structure: you pay more if working with you annoys me. That way, I'm happy if they pay and I'm happy if they leave. Best pricing structure. :)

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #680 on: November 25, 2015, 08:31:25 AM »
Related story: on a highschool trip, one spoiled brat of a dude had a button fall off his only nice shirt, and he didn't know how to sew it back on and refused to learn because  'that's women's work'. I was insulted (but practical) enough to accept sewing it back on for him, for the lovely sum of 50$ (upfront). Kinda seems like, in a pinch, gold bars and no skills would see a similar devaluation in exchange for actual skilled work...

This is awesome!  Good for you for charging him for your work.

Honestly? I charged him 1$ for the work and 49$ for being a sexist ass.

Current freelancing clients get the same pricing structure: you pay more if working with you annoys me. That way, I'm happy if they pay and I'm happy if they leave. Best pricing structure. :)

Love it!!!!

People who refuse to learn simple things for reasons that you detail or because they are "above it" can be so entertaining. They are among the few people who I will openly laugh at and mock freely. 

Kitsune

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #681 on: November 25, 2015, 09:25:47 AM »
Related story: on a highschool trip, one spoiled brat of a dude had a button fall off his only nice shirt, and he didn't know how to sew it back on and refused to learn because  'that's women's work'. I was insulted (but practical) enough to accept sewing it back on for him, for the lovely sum of 50$ (upfront). Kinda seems like, in a pinch, gold bars and no skills would see a similar devaluation in exchange for actual skilled work...

This is awesome!  Good for you for charging him for your work.

Honestly? I charged him 1$ for the work and 49$ for being a sexist ass.

Current freelancing clients get the same pricing structure: you pay more if working with you annoys me. That way, I'm happy if they pay and I'm happy if they leave. Best pricing structure. :)

Love it!!!!

People who refuse to learn simple things for reasons that you detail or because they are "above it" can be so entertaining. They are among the few people who I will openly laugh at and mock freely.

And then charge accordingly? :)

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #682 on: November 29, 2015, 10:10:01 AM »
Sorry, yes 100% sarcasm; not that I dont wish like hell I had put 100k into them in early 2013 then sold them all in late 2013.  Being 100% electronic they would be more useless than dirt in most any actual disaster that involved a utility disruption.

Bitcoins -- they're like Beanie Babies that your grandkids won't have to clear out of the basement after you croak.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #683 on: December 01, 2015, 05:29:21 PM »
He recently told me that he won't be taking the Jeep out this summer (again, too expensive) and it will just live in my garage.

It just drives me crazy....seriously, he probably could have sold the Jeep for 13-14 grand, bought a great used car and had no payments, and no stupid Jeep sitting in my garage.
Heres an idea. Why don't YOU sell the jeep for him? Free up your garage space. Invest the money, and see how long it takes before he notices... (then give him the investment less rent)

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #684 on: December 02, 2015, 10:02:33 AM »
I think you missed the most important unsaid assumption, the aunt/uncle will be dealing in Bitcoins.  Bitcoins are a hard currency ie not manipulated By The Man, you can mine them when ever you have excess off grid electrical power and they are highly liquid when traded electronically within the former Soviet republics. 

I bet there are some REALLY interesting forums on the net about off grid bitcoin mining.
The end use of the excess power doesn't change the ROI disparity. Off grid power costs more than grid power, regardless of what you're using it for. IOW, reliably turning excess power into Bitcoin would work better with grid power, just like powering your lights and HVAC is cheaper on grid power, unless you're in Hawaii paying 50 cents a kWh.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #685 on: December 05, 2015, 11:42:47 AM »
- Debt is good, especially mortgage debt, because you can write the interest off your taxes. Buy the biggest house you can, at the longest mortgage term you can find, make the smallest down payment possible.
- Never, ever rent a place to live. ALWAYS buy.
- Debt is good because it helps you build credit.

^^ I didn't get the full list, but I definitely got those.  Also the miracle of the "tax deductible" purchases.  Somehow, buying something you don't need is a Good Thing if it's tax deductible.

And every single time I moved, "So, when are you going to buy a house out there?"  My answer has always been, "When I decide to stick around long term."  So far, hasn't happened. :)  Yeah, I'd probably have come out ahead in a few cases, but not others.  And not having to sell a house when I move is a rather nice perk.

On the other hand, my credit score is pretty damned good.  And I haven't paid much interest on my CCs in years (what interest I have paid was floating large sums of money to help start a business that's doing quite well, so... no real complaints there).

Was it "Doomsday Preppers" - is on Netflix?  From the first hand full of episodes I have seen it seems like most of the people profiled can afford to do what they are doing or at least dont have to put it on cc.

"Look!  We interview preppers who are stupid enough to let TV crews to their location and to see all their stuff!"  **sigh**  Idiots, the lot of them.

Quote
That said everyone should have a week or twos worth of food and water at home + other related supplies.

Yeah... that's not really a thing in the Seattle area. :(  I've actually heard people say (mildly paraphrased), "Well, that sounds like prepping, and preppers are crazy, so I'm not going to be like them."

I bet there are some REALLY interesting forums on the net about off grid bitcoin mining.

I know some people who do that, but I'm quite certain they've got far more sunk into the project than they'll ever make.  It's just a hobby for them that keeps them outside messing with panels and such.

Current freelancing clients get the same pricing structure: you pay more if working with you annoys me. That way, I'm happy if they pay and I'm happy if they leave. Best pricing structure. :)

I've definitely done exactly that before.  "Ok, here's what I think it will cost, I'll double it for scope creep, add a 40% bonus scope creep factor because you guys always do that, and you don't pay your bills on time, so... another 35%."  If they find someone else, I win, and if they don't, I get paid enough to put up with their crap. :D
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Apples

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #686 on: December 07, 2015, 07:41:32 AM »
I've posted here before about a cousin my (newlywed) DH and I invited to live with us for a few months at the end of 2014 as she got a divorce from a cheating husband and landed back on her feet.  That transformed into her "not wanting to work in an office because that's boring" and not getting a job while we enabled her (though free rent) to buy dresses to go to wine festivals, birthday presents for friends, buy her son organic squeeze pack yogurts, etc.  That ended this time last year.  Just saw this cousin this past weekend:

  • It was a milestone birthday for her.  She came from hours away to have a birthday party in a rented space that was also a family get together.  She, her parents, and my parents (b/c my mom is the nicest woman ever) paid for 1/2 keg, lots of wine and liquor, decorations, and catering.
  • Found out she is a part-time waitress b/c that's the kind of work she likes and then she can be home with her toddler.  Now doesn't plan to get a job until kid's in Kindergarten.  In 3 more years.  She has moved into her parent's house now, not mine anymore thankfully.
  • She didn't send my DH and I an invitation to the birthday party b/c we were apparently included on the invite to my parents and siblings who still live at home.  Reasoning is that she needs to save money.  So the envelope and stamp that would, you know, recognize me and DH as our own unit were too much.  But the party was fine.
  • My grandparents wanted donations to their church which supports a lot of charities instead of normal Christmas presents this year.  This was for their kids to do instead of gifts, we grandkids normally just give cards and kisses.  She gets up in the middle of dinner and says she needs to go write them a check to donate, it's such a good cause.  Who's money, exactly, is she donating?????  And then as the other adult grandchild at the table there was an awkward pressure to follow suit, so DH and I also gave money were were not planning to.  Which that's not a big deal, but it's still irritating since we're not currently mooching off other people but she is and still has money to donate.

I really needed to get that off my chest, thanks forum for existing.

P.S.  I'm fine with people moving home to transition from a bad place to a good one, but this cousin takes as little initiative as possible to move forward with her life, and then complains that life doesn't get better.  I've been known to have bad days and whiny weeks, but this lasted for months while she was with us. And then she makes mind-boggling money decisions like the ones above.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #687 on: December 07, 2015, 11:27:43 AM »

  • She didn't send my DH and I an invitation to the birthday party b/c we were apparently included on the invite to my parents and siblings who still live at home.  Reasoning is that she needs to save money.  So the envelope and stamp that would, you know, recognize me and DH as our own unit were too much.  But the party was fine.


That's one of my pet peeves.

I moved to another country more than 17 years ago and my extended family still behaves as though I still live with my parents. They include me on invitations, thank-you notes, and such, and address communication meant for me through my mother. For example, I did not receive invitations to my cousin's wedding because they chose to include 41-year-old me on my parents' invitation. Neither of his sisters ever acknowledged the gifts I gave to their weddings (after flying all the way back and giving a generous gift for each). It turns out they thanked my mother for the gift I sent. No acknowledgment for me. My policy now is that if I don't get an invitation, I won't send a gift.
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MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #688 on: December 07, 2015, 11:37:53 AM »

  • She didn't send my DH and I an invitation to the birthday party b/c we were apparently included on the invite to my parents and siblings who still live at home.  Reasoning is that she needs to save money.  So the envelope and stamp that would, you know, recognize me and DH as our own unit were too much.  But the party was fine.


I agree.

That's one of my pet peeves.

I moved to another country more than 17 years ago and my extended family still behaves as though I still live with my parents. They include me on invitations, thank-you notes, and such, and address communication meant for me through my mother. For example, I did not receive invitations to my cousin's wedding because they chose to include 41-year-old me on my parents' invitation. Neither of his sisters ever acknowledged the gifts I gave to their weddings (after flying all the way back and giving a generous gift for each). It turns out they thanked my mother for the gift I sent. No acknowledgment for me. My policy now is that if I don't get an invitation, I won't send a gift.

Pooperman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #689 on: December 07, 2015, 11:41:32 AM »

  • She didn't send my DH and I an invitation to the birthday party b/c we were apparently included on the invite to my parents and siblings who still live at home.  Reasoning is that she needs to save money.  So the envelope and stamp that would, you know, recognize me and DH as our own unit were too much.  But the party was fine.


That's one of my pet peeves.

I moved to another country more than 17 years ago and my extended family still behaves as though I still live with my parents. They include me on invitations, thank-you notes, and such, and address communication meant for me through my mother. For example, I did not receive invitations to my cousin's wedding because they chose to include 41-year-old me on my parents' invitation. Neither of his sisters ever acknowledged the gifts I gave to their weddings (after flying all the way back and giving a generous gift for each). It turns out they thanked my mother for the gift I sent. No acknowledgment for me. My policy now is that if I don't get an invitation, I won't send a gift.

Kick it up one notch. If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited. You don't show up, and you act very surprised when you hear later how they were married or whatever.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #690 on: December 07, 2015, 11:56:34 AM »

  • She didn't send my DH and I an invitation to the birthday party b/c we were apparently included on the invite to my parents and siblings who still live at home.  Reasoning is that she needs to save money.  So the envelope and stamp that would, you know, recognize me and DH as our own unit were too much.  But the party was fine.


That's one of my pet peeves.

I moved to another country more than 17 years ago and my extended family still behaves as though I still live with my parents. They include me on invitations, thank-you notes, and such, and address communication meant for me through my mother. For example, I did not receive invitations to my cousin's wedding because they chose to include 41-year-old me on my parents' invitation. Neither of his sisters ever acknowledged the gifts I gave to their weddings (after flying all the way back and giving a generous gift for each). It turns out they thanked my mother for the gift I sent. No acknowledgment for me. My policy now is that if I don't get an invitation, I won't send a gift.

Kick it up one notch. If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited. You don't show up, and you act very surprised when you hear later how they were married or whatever.

The funny part is, they truly believe I was invited, and telling them that I wasn't floors them. They genuinely believe sending an invitation to people who live in a different country somehow constitutes inviting me. I'm "the rude one" for not responding to the invitation, and my mother generally takes it upon herself to respond on my behalf, whether I've asked her to or not. She frequently signs my name, and my 38-year-old brother's, on the card for gifts that she's bought for family members, even after years of me asking her not to. It's to cover up the fact that my brother can't be bothered to get gifts. Overall, she's most likely the reason why my extended family generally tries to correspond with me through her. Facebook has helped but not much.

I'm sure they're being extremely frugal by saving an envelope and an international stamp. At first I thought they were being penny-wise and pound-foolish because they'd also lose out on the gifts I'd send otherwise, but maybe not.
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MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #691 on: December 07, 2015, 12:02:49 PM »

  • She didn't send my DH and I an invitation to the birthday party b/c we were apparently included on the invite to my parents and siblings who still live at home.  Reasoning is that she needs to save money.  So the envelope and stamp that would, you know, recognize me and DH as our own unit were too much.  But the party was fine.


That's one of my pet peeves.

I moved to another country more than 17 years ago and my extended family still behaves as though I still live with my parents. They include me on invitations, thank-you notes, and such, and address communication meant for me through my mother. For example, I did not receive invitations to my cousin's wedding because they chose to include 41-year-old me on my parents' invitation. Neither of his sisters ever acknowledged the gifts I gave to their weddings (after flying all the way back and giving a generous gift for each). It turns out they thanked my mother for the gift I sent. No acknowledgment for me. My policy now is that if I don't get an invitation, I won't send a gift.

Kick it up one notch. If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited. You don't show up, and you act very surprised when you hear later how they were married or whatever.

Whoops I hit send without saying anything. I concur. This happens all the time and I hate that within my community, it is considered "rude" for a youth to be upset with an older person.

For a wedding or something else, I try not to make a stink if I am invited in a letter sent to my parents. That said I don't feel guilty about not going as if they wanted me to go they would have sent me an invitation, when they send it to my parents I think, "I'm including as a +1 to my parents, not because they actively want me there, but because of societal obligations."

Apples

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #692 on: December 07, 2015, 03:41:12 PM »

  • She didn't send my DH and I an invitation to the birthday party b/c we were apparently included on the invite to my parents and siblings who still live at home.  Reasoning is that she needs to save money.  So the envelope and stamp that would, you know, recognize me and DH as our own unit were too much.  But the party was fine.


That's one of my pet peeves.

I moved to another country more than 17 years ago and my extended family still behaves as though I still live with my parents. They include me on invitations, thank-you notes, and such, and address communication meant for me through my mother. For example, I did not receive invitations to my cousin's wedding because they chose to include 41-year-old me on my parents' invitation. Neither of his sisters ever acknowledged the gifts I gave to their weddings (after flying all the way back and giving a generous gift for each). It turns out they thanked my mother for the gift I sent. No acknowledgment for me. My policy now is that if I don't get an invitation, I won't send a gift.

Kick it up one notch. If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited. You don't show up, and you act very surprised when you hear later how they were married or whatever.

Whoops I hit send without saying anything. I concur. This happens all the time and I hate that within my community, it is considered "rude" for a youth to be upset with an older person.

For a wedding or something else, I try not to make a stink if I am invited in a letter sent to my parents. That said I don't feel guilty about not going as if they wanted me to go they would have sent me an invitation, when they send it to my parents I think, "I'm including as a +1 to my parents, not because they actively want me there, but because of societal obligations."

Thanks for the validation!  DH doesn't get worked up about things, and both of my parents think I'm whining.  Plus the justification of saving a teeny tiny amount of money compared to the mountain of party expenses didn't help.  To be fair, I only live about 2 miles from my parents' house and work for my dad, so it's not like I don't see them.  But I do have my own life, house, and mini-family, of which we let her and a child and dog join for 4.5 months when she really needed some help.  TheGrimSqueaker that would be terrible!  I hope this doesn't last until I'm 41.  The only excuse I can think of for those people is they're too lazy to figure out international mail and postage.  Which is not a good excuse.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #693 on: December 07, 2015, 04:16:13 PM »


  • She didn't send my DH and I an invitation to the birthday party b/c we were apparently included on the invite to my parents and siblings who still live at home.  Reasoning is that she needs to save money.  So the envelope and stamp that would, you know, recognize me and DH as our own unit were too much.  But the party was fine.


That's one of my pet peeves.

I moved to another country more than 17 years ago and my extended family still behaves as though I still live with my parents. They include me on invitations, thank-you notes, and such, and address communication meant for me through my mother. For example, I did not receive invitations to my cousin's wedding because they chose to include 41-year-old me on my parents' invitation. Neither of his sisters ever acknowledged the gifts I gave to their weddings (after flying all the way back and giving a generous gift for each). It turns out they thanked my mother for the gift I sent. No acknowledgment for me. My policy now is that if I don't get an invitation, I won't send a gift.

Kick it up one notch. If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited. You don't show up, and you act very surprised when you hear later how they were married or whatever.

Whoops I hit send without saying anything. I concur. This happens all the time and I hate that within my community, it is considered "rude" for a youth to be upset with an older person.

For a wedding or something else, I try not to make a stink if I am invited in a letter sent to my parents. That said I don't feel guilty about not going as if they wanted me to go they would have sent me an invitation, when they send it to my parents I think, "I'm including as a +1 to my parents, not because they actively want me there, but because of societal obligations."

Thanks for the validation!  DH doesn't get worked up about things, and both of my parents think I'm whining.  Plus the justification of saving a teeny tiny amount of money compared to the mountain of party expenses didn't help.  To be fair, I only live about 2 miles from my parents' house and work for my dad, so it's not like I don't see them.  But I do have my own life, house, and mini-family, of which we let her and a child and dog join for 4.5 months when she really needed some help.  TheGrimSqueaker that would be terrible!  I hope this doesn't last until I'm 41.  The only excuse I can think of for those people is they're too lazy to figure out international mail and postage.  Which is not a good excuse.

My whole family did this to me for a long time. I haven't lived with my mom in 16 years. Last year I never got the message that someone was throwing a 60th anniversary surprise party for my grandparents. A cousin texted from the party asking where I was. I drove an hour to get there as everyone was leaving, but it was worth it to see my grandparents on their special day.

I get my own invitations now. ;-) The guilt they felt from that was more effective than all my years of logic.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #694 on: December 07, 2015, 05:59:15 PM »


  • She didn't send my DH and I an invitation to the birthday party b/c we were apparently included on the invite to my parents and siblings who still live at home.  Reasoning is that she needs to save money.  So the envelope and stamp that would, you know, recognize me and DH as our own unit were too much.  But the party was fine.


That's one of my pet peeves.

I moved to another country more than 17 years ago and my extended family still behaves as though I still live with my parents. They include me on invitations, thank-you notes, and such, and address communication meant for me through my mother. For example, I did not receive invitations to my cousin's wedding because they chose to include 41-year-old me on my parents' invitation. Neither of his sisters ever acknowledged the gifts I gave to their weddings (after flying all the way back and giving a generous gift for each). It turns out they thanked my mother for the gift I sent. No acknowledgment for me. My policy now is that if I don't get an invitation, I won't send a gift.

Kick it up one notch. If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited. You don't show up, and you act very surprised when you hear later how they were married or whatever.

Whoops I hit send without saying anything. I concur. This happens all the time and I hate that within my community, it is considered "rude" for a youth to be upset with an older person.

For a wedding or something else, I try not to make a stink if I am invited in a letter sent to my parents. That said I don't feel guilty about not going as if they wanted me to go they would have sent me an invitation, when they send it to my parents I think, "I'm including as a +1 to my parents, not because they actively want me there, but because of societal obligations."

Thanks for the validation!  DH doesn't get worked up about things, and both of my parents think I'm whining.  Plus the justification of saving a teeny tiny amount of money compared to the mountain of party expenses didn't help.  To be fair, I only live about 2 miles from my parents' house and work for my dad, so it's not like I don't see them.  But I do have my own life, house, and mini-family, of which we let her and a child and dog join for 4.5 months when she really needed some help.  TheGrimSqueaker that would be terrible!  I hope this doesn't last until I'm 41.  The only excuse I can think of for those people is they're too lazy to figure out international mail and postage.  Which is not a good excuse.

My whole family did this to me for a long time. I haven't lived with my mom in 16 years. Last year I never got the message that someone was throwing a 60th anniversary surprise party for my grandparents. A cousin texted from the party asking where I was. I drove an hour to get there as everyone was leaving, but it was worth it to see my grandparents on their special day.

I get my own invitations now. ;-) The guilt they felt from that was more effective than all my years of logic.

Arg!  This happens to me, too!  I haven't lived with my parents in over 16 years, yet one of my cousins -- my closest cousin, one year younger than I am -- still only sends cards, thank-yous, invitations, etc. to my mother (her aunt).  It's gotten really frustrating because she now has three daughters, all of whom get cards and gifts from me, yet I never get mail from her.  At least she is a sweetie by facebook!  But to kick it up a notch, a couple years ago, my mom moved into my home and lived with me for close to a year, after divorce from my dad, so that she could save up and get on her feet.  She moved out to her own place about 18 months ago.  I STILL receive mail at my house addressed solely to my mom from my cousin -- things like Christmas cards and baby announcements -- but not a card addressed to me!

JordanOfGilead

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #695 on: December 08, 2015, 06:23:34 AM »
Growing up my parents were pretty good about teaching me how not to be in debt. Pay off credit cards in full at the end of every month, don't take out payday advance loans, the basic stuff. They bought new cars and a house on credit, but by the time I was in college, they had even figured that one out. When they got divorced, my mom got an apartment, but eventually ended up having to move in with her mom because she couldn't "afford" to live on her own. Ok, understandable. I don't know the exact details of her salary, but I'm guessing somewhere in the high 30 to low 40k range knowing the type of work she does and the wages in our area.
I was doing the math the other night and realized that I was able to support myself in an apartment on half of that while I was in school. We live in Ohio, which is one of the lowest CoL states in the nation, so there really isn't a reason that she shouldn't be able to support herself and my little sister for the 50% of the time that she is with my mom (split custody with dad) on what she makes. She's definitely not living on minimum wage, after all.

Come to find out, she is sitting on 5 figures of credit card debt and a car loan. I was floored. I mean, she borrowed money to get a reasonably priced used car that gets decent fuel economy, so that could be a lot worse, but it's not like she has been living extravagantly since the divorce (going on 5 years ago now).

A little more math and I realized that her boyfriend lives an hour away and she goes down there to see him at least two, sometimes as many as 4 times per week. Oh, and my parents have always been the "if you don't have the top-level insurance, you won't be able to pay for an accident/illness" type of people. Oh, and she pays for a cell phone plan for her, my sister, and my grandma with all the bells and whistles (easily over $200/month).

It's dumbfounding to realize the person that taught me the most about financial responsibility is so wasteful with her own finances.

AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #696 on: December 08, 2015, 06:56:19 AM »
Quote
"if you don't have the top-level insurance, you won't be able to pay for an accident/illness"

Friend of mine said it best a few weeks ago, something to the effect: "Many lower income people try to minimize expenses variation where higher income people try to minimize expenses."  Idea being that some see regular consistent levels of bills without "unexpected" surprises to be better than spending less over all at the end of the year but with some "random" 500$ bills every now and then.  Obviously an emergency stash mitigates the "oh-crap" of an unexpected bill and lower income people more than anyone should be lowering total expenses.  I deal with this a good bit with the GF and try to pick my battles; she can do the math and knows what is 'best' over all but still the fear of having to come up with 500$ on two weeks notices is scary.

One of my aunts in particular still sees me as a teenager, she sort of moved away when I was that age so that is the last time we lived in the same town - so I get why she sees me that way but still I am about fed up with it. 
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ducky19

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #697 on: December 09, 2015, 11:28:04 AM »
Friend of mine said it best a few weeks ago, something to the effect: "Many lower income people try to minimize expenses variation where higher income people try to minimize expenses."

Very well stated! The only thing that I worry about leveling the variation is our utilities. They don't charge any type of premium or interest for it, and it just makes budgeting easier. That being said, if there were an additional cost to it I would just pay monthly and deal with the variation. Such was the case with our insurance: when I noticed they were going to charge $5/mo for monthly billing ($60/year!), I switched to paying every six months.

merula

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #698 on: December 09, 2015, 11:56:23 AM »
Friend of mine said it best a few weeks ago, something to the effect: "Many lower income people try to minimize expenses variation where higher income people try to minimize expenses."

Very well stated! The only thing that I worry about leveling the variation is our utilities. They don't charge any type of premium or interest for it, and it just makes budgeting easier. That being said, if there were an additional cost to it I would just pay monthly and deal with the variation. Such was the case with our insurance: when I noticed they were going to charge $5/mo for monthly billing ($60/year!), I switched to paying every six months.
[/quote]

My insurance gives me a discount for paying by direct debit from my checking account. And they do it monthly. Never have to worry about forgetting it, and you'll pay me for the convenience? Win win.

Not all carriers have the same kinds of deals, but might be worth checking into.

zephyr911

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #699 on: December 09, 2015, 01:18:21 PM »
EEEK! Fix your quote tags, people! #itburnsus
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