@Sugaree Somehow it's funny that people find it perfectly ok to tell a husband to get a job and otherwise he gets no say in finances, but if it was a wife with children and health issues people would never dare to suggest she should either get a job, be quiet or get out. I really hate when men are considered losers or useless if they don't have a job. Not for nothing that men get mental problems when they lose their job and the suicide rate is quite high. Sorry about this rant. Not directed at you specifically.
Obviously I really don't know you and your situation but before taking big decisions please put all your energy in fixing things and try to see things from different perspectives. Because a divorce is a medicine with some serious side effects. Especially for your kids, but even for your finances. Being a single parent is very tough and you can't assume your husband will settle things in a way that suits you. Instead of a reluctant ally you will have a possible enemy who could get a lot of money out of you and make your life very hard or simply refuse to contribute anything and leave you to carry the full load forever.
There's a HUGE difference between a partner who won't work and a partner who doesn't work because both members of the relationship have decided that that's what's best for their family unit.
HUUUUUUGE difference.
This isn't a gender thing. Many threads have come up over the years where it was the woman who was refusing to get a job, and the response here has actually been even more aggressive against those women. So no, there is no free pass in this community for any spouse who chooses not to work without the support of their spouse.
We only have a very tiny part of the story, but based on what we've been told, I'm not going to jump to conclusions that the person sharing their pain and frustration is just uncaring and unreasonable.
Even if mental health issues are at play, it's very possible for someone who can't work to still pull their weight as a partner, even if that just means focusing on their own mental health care and being mindful of the impact it has on the other person.
And the person sharing here doesn't sound like someone who feels like their needs are being very considered by their partner.
For the record, I *am* the non working partner in my marriage, and I take the burden of my illness on my partner very, very seriously. It my obligation to take care of myself as best I can, to get whatever mental health help I need, and to care deeply about how my illness affects my spouse.
A lot of marriages work optimally with only one partner working, for various reasons, but this person's marriage obviously isn't one of them.
We don't know why exactly, but again, I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that their pain and struggle isn't legitimate. Not unless they give me specific information to believe that.