Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 1548857 times)

former player

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4800 on: August 29, 2018, 04:11:34 AM »
None of which is to say that I fault lovelywings for her attitude - she is talking to her cousin and offering advice, just not providing economic outpatient care to someone who hasn't yet figured out a financially sustainable life in their new country.

Freedomin5

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4801 on: August 29, 2018, 05:40:26 AM »
I donít fault loveywings either. There are a lot of other red signs in the post. The cousin:

- Asked her to lend him money to trick the potential landlord into thinong he has more savings than he actually has in order to secure an apartment ó> So heís dishonest?
- Didnít do proper research on work visas before moving here and selecting housing ó> Impulsive? Lacks certain executive functioning skills? Lacks foresight?
- Asked lovelywings to co-sign the lease
- Likely intends to break the lease ó> So heís untrustworthy and doesnít intend to keep promises?

The point is not that he immigrated to Canada with little money. The point is that he didnít even seem to do any planning around how he and his family are going to survive, but instead seems to be holding out his hand and asking lovelywings, who is also a recent immigrant, to support him and his family. Seems kind of mooch-y to me.

Hula Hoop

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4802 on: August 29, 2018, 07:55:43 AM »
Yes - same here.  It sounds like this cousin did not do his homework and also plans to lie to his landlord amongst other things.  I can see why LW would be uncomfortable.

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4803 on: August 30, 2018, 03:11:39 AM »
I called a few family members to tell them I've got a new job. In this job I will report to a CFO, but it's a massive company with lot of seperate entities, so it's just "a" CFO of this location, not "the" CFO.

My relatives all said congrats. And then all of them suggested I go shopping for clothes right away, because I can't work for a CFO wearing the type of clothes I wear now. What's wrong with what I wear now? There are no brand names on it. It's not expensive.

Seriously, I wear perfectly appropriate clothes to work but I try to find them secondhand or from shops like H&M and Zara. A black knee-length skirt is a black knee-length skirt. No one cares about the brand name.

Apparantly I also need a new coat. Why? Because I've had this one for years. Does it look worn out or old-fashioned? No, but you've had it for years. You shouldn't wear your clothes for such a long time. And it's boring because it's black.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4804 on: August 30, 2018, 04:04:43 AM »
I called a few family members to tell them I've got a new job. In this job I will report to a CFO, but it's a massive company with lot of seperate entities, so it's just "a" CFO of this location, not "the" CFO.

My relatives all said congrats. And then all of them suggested I go shopping for clothes right away, because I can't work for a CFO wearing the type of clothes I wear now. What's wrong with what I wear now? There are no brand names on it. It's not expensive.

Seriously, I wear perfectly appropriate clothes to work but I try to find them secondhand or from shops like H&M and Zara. A black knee-length skirt is a black knee-length skirt. No one cares about the brand name.

Apparantly I also need a new coat. Why? Because I've had this one for years. Does it look worn out or old-fashioned? No, but you've had it for years. You shouldn't wear your clothes for such a long time. And it's boring because it's black.

Ridiculous that you should exchange your perfectly appropriate clothes with others because of another function. I do understand that some functions would require a formal clothing style, but that should have more to do with the type of clothes than the brands. But many people are obviously poshy.

cloudsail

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4805 on: August 30, 2018, 09:47:11 AM »
Zara is considered low end?? I think I've seen Kate Middleton wear stuff from Zara before she married Prince William.

coldestcat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4806 on: August 30, 2018, 10:02:09 AM »
I would avoid those shops because they promote a cycle of fashion that in not sustainable. way to go for second-hand clothes!

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/environment-costs-fast-fashion-pollution-waste-sustainability-a8139386.html

ixtap

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4807 on: August 30, 2018, 10:15:35 AM »
Zara is considered low end?? I think I've seen Kate Middleton wear stuff from Zara before she married Prince William.

Wasn't that where Melania got that one jacket...

Zara is one of those middle ground places that people who buy clothes consider pretty pricey, but people who buy fashion consider low end.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4808 on: August 30, 2018, 11:26:13 AM »


My relatives all said congrats. And then all of them suggested I go shopping for clothes right away, because I can't work for a CFO wearing the type of clothes I wear now. What's wrong with what I wear now? There are no brand names on it. It's not expensive.


In your situation, your relatives would be thinking, "Yay! New job means I get to buy new clothes!" so they assume you think the same way.

AMandM

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4809 on: August 30, 2018, 01:36:17 PM »
Apparantly I also need a new coat. Why? Because I've had this one for years. Does it look worn out or old-fashioned? No, but you've had it for years. You shouldn't wear your clothes for such a long time. And it's boring because it's black.

Uh... "I'm sorry that my coat bores you"? Not an apology I'm ever planning to offer. 

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4810 on: August 30, 2018, 02:55:01 PM »
Here is the crazy part. My brother lived for about 2 school years in an apartment with a bunch of other guys about 10 mins on the other side of the university. Paying for everything - house, food etc. This means that pretty much his entire income from his job was spent on his bills. 

He has finally "run out of money" and moved back in with my parents. I can only imagine how rich he would be if he had just stayed home, did school and worked. Honestly he could have a down payment for a house by now.


Yeah, but his roommates would cheer him on, whereas his parents might interfere with having people sleep over...


I moved into an apartment when I went into grad school for precisely that reason.  Worth every penny. :)

Would have done so during my undergrad work if I could have afforded it then, too.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4811 on: August 30, 2018, 03:10:49 PM »
I called a few family members to tell them I've got a new job. In this job I will report to a CFO, but it's a massive company with lot of seperate entities, so it's just "a" CFO of this location, not "the" CFO.

My relatives all said congrats. And then all of them suggested I go shopping for clothes right away, because I can't work for a CFO wearing the type of clothes I wear now. What's wrong with what I wear now? There are no brand names on it. It's not expensive.

Seriously, I wear perfectly appropriate clothes to work but I try to find them secondhand or from shops like H&M and Zara. A black knee-length skirt is a black knee-length skirt. No one cares about the brand name.

Apparantly I also need a new coat. Why? Because I've had this one for years. Does it look worn out or old-fashioned? No, but you've had it for years. You shouldn't wear your clothes for such a long time. And it's boring because it's black.

Tell them it's "vintage" and they'll shut up.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4812 on: August 30, 2018, 03:11:52 PM »
DH and  I have a birthday lunch each year with his sister and her son b/c all 4 of our birthdays are the same month.  We only see the nephew a couple of times a year, some years only once.

A little background:  In the past nephew has been a jeans, tee shirt and tats kinda guy.  A couple of years ago he bought   leased a car so he could make money doing Uber.  That worked as well as you would expect.  Earlier this year he got a steady job.  Not high paying but 40 hours a week with health insurance at a company you've actually have heard of.  Things are looking up.  Now...

He comes in the restaurant dressed  like a rapper (or at least what my 65 y.o. eyes think a rapper looks like):  oversized football jersey, baggy, long shorts, lots of jewelry (cheap in his case), baseball hat with a flat brim, shaved head etc.  He's all about his music and how his music career is taking off.  Showed us how he can "play" guitar on his iphone X.  How he's playing in the barrio and is "the only white boy who dares go there".  How all the girls on his instagram post bikini pics.  He uses cool filters (available only on iphone X) to take pics of him getting out the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist.  How he's going to start a charity for poor single mothers which sounds like a great way to meet vunerable young women.

Typical not-got-their-act-together 20-something behavior you say?  Maybe he'll outgrow it and get his act together.? Yea, maybe.  Except he's 49.  How long until he gives up the steady job so he can devote more time to his music is anybody's guess.
Sounds like nephew has nailed the aspiring part of the 'aspiring rapper' phrase that seems to pop up so often.

We like big bucks and we cannot lie...

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4813 on: August 30, 2018, 03:26:54 PM »
Sounds like nephew has nailed the aspiring part of the 'aspiring rapper' phrase that seems to pop up so often.

We like big bucks and we cannot lie...
*snigger* that sounds like a great signature for a bogleheads user...

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4814 on: August 31, 2018, 09:38:54 AM »
I would avoid those shops because they promote a cycle of fashion that in not sustainable. way to go for second-hand clothes!

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/environment-costs-fast-fashion-pollution-waste-sustainability-a8139386.html

I try to buy second hand as much as I can, but it's not always possible to find everything you need used.

It's a myth though that cheaper brands like H&M and Zara are more harmful to the environment than clothes from more expensive brands. There's very little difference in quality and environmental harm between cheap and expensive brands. Actually, some cheaper stores like H&M and C&A (in Europe) are adding more and more eco-conscious clothing to their collection. C&A has a growing range range of C2C gold level certified clothing, and the jeans cost less than Ä20.

There are some very eco-conscious brands on the market (although secondhand is always best) but most of those are hippie style clothes and not suitable for a corporate environment.

@ixtap  maybe Zara is considered more high-end where you live? It's not expensive at all in my country. It's more expensive than Primark / H&M, where you'd pay Ä15-Ä20 for a pair of jeans, but at Ä15-Ä30 for a pair of jeans I wouldn't consider them expensive, just one level above super-cheap.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if Kate Middleton wore it, the clothes look pretty chic. Our Queen Maxima dresses her kids in Zara and H&M as well. They have to wear affordable clothes every now and then so the public believes they're one of us.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4815 on: August 31, 2018, 04:25:57 PM »
I would avoid those shops because they promote a cycle of fashion that in not sustainable. way to go for second-hand clothes!

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/environment-costs-fast-fashion-pollution-waste-sustainability-a8139386.html

I try to buy second hand as much as I can, but it's not always possible to find everything you need used.

It's a myth though that cheaper brands like H&M and Zara are more harmful to the environment than clothes from more expensive brands. There's very little difference in quality and environmental harm between cheap and expensive brands. Actually, some cheaper stores like H&M and C&A (in Europe) are adding more and more eco-conscious clothing to their collection. C&A has a growing range range of C2C gold level certified clothing, and the jeans cost less than Ä20.

There are some very eco-conscious brands on the market (although secondhand is always best) but most of those are hippie style clothes and not suitable for a corporate environment.

@ixtap  maybe Zara is considered more high-end where you live? It's not expensive at all in my country. It's more expensive than Primark / H&M, where you'd pay Ä15-Ä20 for a pair of jeans, but at Ä15-Ä30 for a pair of jeans I wouldn't consider them expensive, just one level above super-cheap.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if Kate Middleton wore it, the clothes look pretty chic. Our Queen Maxima dresses her kids in Zara and H&M as well. They have to wear affordable clothes every now and then so the public believes they're one of us.

If those jeans cost less than 20 euros, how much is the person who made them getting? Environmental harm isn't all about fibers and dyes. It's also about keeping people poor. Poor communities have no other choice than to pollute with sewerage, chop down forests to heat with wood, pollute the air if coal is cheap, trade or consume endangered animals, etc. That's why organisations like Jane Goodall are so concerned with supporting communities near the areas they want to conserve.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4816 on: September 01, 2018, 02:55:13 AM »

If those jeans cost less than 20 euros, how much is the person who made them getting? Environmental harm isn't all about fibers and dyes. It's also about keeping people poor. Poor communities have no other choice than to pollute with sewerage, chop down forests to heat with wood, pollute the air if coal is cheap, trade or consume endangered animals, etc. That's why organisations like Jane Goodall are so concerned with supporting communities near the areas they want to conserve.

I agree - the conditions and wages of the workers who made the clothes, usually in poor countries, is a big concern.  Especially after the Rana Center disaster in Bangladesh a few years ago.  https://nordic.businessinsider.com/heres-how-much-hms-clothes-would-cost-if-factory-got-paid-sustainable-salaries-2017-6/

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4817 on: September 01, 2018, 04:41:03 AM »

If those jeans cost less than 20 euros, how much is the person who made them getting? Environmental harm isn't all about fibers and dyes. It's also about keeping people poor. Poor communities have no other choice than to pollute with sewerage, chop down forests to heat with wood, pollute the air if coal is cheap, trade or consume endangered animals, etc. That's why organisations like Jane Goodall are so concerned with supporting communities near the areas they want to conserve.

I agree - the conditions and wages of the workers who made the clothes, usually in poor countries, is a big concern.  Especially after the Rana Center disaster in Bangladesh a few years ago.  https://nordic.businessinsider.com/heres-how-much-hms-clothes-would-cost-if-factory-got-paid-sustainable-salaries-2017-6/

That's true, but it's not like they get paid more when the clothes are more expensive. The difference goes into the pocket of the merchants, not into the pockets of the ladies who sew the clothes. 

The problem with ethical clothing is that there are several aspects to consider: social aspects (like child labour) environmental aspects (like the use of harmful dyes and treatments) and economic aspects (fair trade). I am not aware of any brand that does well on all of these aspects.

There are also many different accreditations for conscious fashion. A company like H&M is FLA accredited, which means their factories meet the FLA standards - that honestly means they're just slightly better than other factories in the same country, it's not what we would consider normal working circumstances in the western world. That doesn't mean there's fair trade, which is almost impossible to achieve for a large first-world company getting their supplies from third-world countries. There are several certified organic accreditations that a company can achieve, but just because they are using organic fabric, that doesn't mean they treat their workers well or there is fair trade.

It's not like I haven't done my research into this. I think the most important thing is to try and buy secondhand, but I know that's not always possible. The second important thing is to wear all your clothes until they are worn out. You shouldn't buy items that you're only going to wear 5 times. I wear the same times for years and years. The third important thing is to have the smallest amount of clothes possible. Not all clothing is easy to find on the used market. I think about 75% of my clothing is either secondhand or homemade, but about 25% is not. For that 25% I have no problems going to stores like H&M.

I only buy quality pieces that will last for years, I've done the research, I'm trying to limit my ecological footprint as much as I can, but I also need some things to wear. That means I will buy maybe 2 or 3 new pieces of clothing on a yearly base and I'm ok with that.

AnnaGrowsAMustache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4818 on: September 01, 2018, 04:02:57 PM »

If those jeans cost less than 20 euros, how much is the person who made them getting? Environmental harm isn't all about fibers and dyes. It's also about keeping people poor. Poor communities have no other choice than to pollute with sewerage, chop down forests to heat with wood, pollute the air if coal is cheap, trade or consume endangered animals, etc. That's why organisations like Jane Goodall are so concerned with supporting communities near the areas they want to conserve.

I agree - the conditions and wages of the workers who made the clothes, usually in poor countries, is a big concern.  Especially after the Rana Center disaster in Bangladesh a few years ago.  https://nordic.businessinsider.com/heres-how-much-hms-clothes-would-cost-if-factory-got-paid-sustainable-salaries-2017-6/

That's true, but it's not like they get paid more when the clothes are more expensive. The difference goes into the pocket of the merchants, not into the pockets of the ladies who sew the clothes. 

The problem with ethical clothing is that there are several aspects to consider: social aspects (like child labour) environmental aspects (like the use of harmful dyes and treatments) and economic aspects (fair trade). I am not aware of any brand that does well on all of these aspects.

There are also many different accreditations for conscious fashion. A company like H&M is FLA accredited, which means their factories meet the FLA standards - that honestly means they're just slightly better than other factories in the same country, it's not what we would consider normal working circumstances in the western world. That doesn't mean there's fair trade, which is almost impossible to achieve for a large first-world company getting their supplies from third-world countries. There are several certified organic accreditations that a company can achieve, but just because they are using organic fabric, that doesn't mean they treat their workers well or there is fair trade.

It's not like I haven't done my research into this. I think the most important thing is to try and buy secondhand, but I know that's not always possible. The second important thing is to wear all your clothes until they are worn out. You shouldn't buy items that you're only going to wear 5 times. I wear the same times for years and years. The third important thing is to have the smallest amount of clothes possible. Not all clothing is easy to find on the used market. I think about 75% of my clothing is either secondhand or homemade, but about 25% is not. For that 25% I have no problems going to stores like H&M.

I only buy quality pieces that will last for years, I've done the research, I'm trying to limit my ecological footprint as much as I can, but I also need some things to wear. That means I will buy maybe 2 or 3 new pieces of clothing on a yearly base and I'm ok with that.

Totally agree with you. I happen to really enjoy thrift store shopping. It's a hobby. But I know some people dislike it or don't have the time. There are other strategies to make the most of clothes, as you have pointed out.

OtherJen

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4819 on: September 01, 2018, 06:42:49 PM »
Which raises the question for me, how can you move your family to another country without the requisite cash on hand to support them for at least a year??
That's what virtually every immigrant since the dawn of time has done.

Parents moved to the States in '92 with about $4k in cash and six kids. Not every decision in life is made having the resources to fully complement it. Sometimes you just roll with the punches and hope/work/struggle for the best results

Yeah, my best friend and her parents left Vietnam in a boat with the clothes on their backs. They ended up here via a refugee resettlement program and basically started from scratch. Two of my grandparents and their parents and siblings came here as migrant farmers and settled where they could get factory jobs. They raised my dad and his 6 siblings first in a 2-bedroom apartment and then in a 3-bedroom bungalow. My oldest uncles, all born in the USA, were in their late teens by that point.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4820 on: September 01, 2018, 10:51:06 PM »
Which raises the question for me, how can you move your family to another country without the requisite cash on hand to support them for at least a year??
That's what virtually every immigrant since the dawn of time has done.

Parents moved to the States in '92 with about $4k in cash and six kids. Not every decision in life is made having the resources to fully complement it. Sometimes you just roll with the punches and hope/work/struggle for the best results

Yeah, my best friend and her parents left Vietnam in a boat with the clothes on their backs. They ended up here via a refugee resettlement program and basically started from scratch. Two of my grandparents and their parents and siblings came here as migrant farmers and settled where they could get factory jobs. They raised my dad and his 6 siblings first in a 2-bedroom apartment and then in a 3-bedroom bungalow. My oldest uncles, all born in the USA, were in their late teens by that point.

Would I be right in thinking that none of these individuals lived so far beyond their means as to ask a younger, single relative to co-sign a loan?

OtherJen

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4821 on: September 02, 2018, 07:26:18 AM »
Which raises the question for me, how can you move your family to another country without the requisite cash on hand to support them for at least a year??
That's what virtually every immigrant since the dawn of time has done.

Parents moved to the States in '92 with about $4k in cash and six kids. Not every decision in life is made having the resources to fully complement it. Sometimes you just roll with the punches and hope/work/struggle for the best results

Yeah, my best friend and her parents left Vietnam in a boat with the clothes on their backs. They ended up here via a refugee resettlement program and basically started from scratch. Two of my grandparents and their parents and siblings came here as migrant farmers and settled where they could get factory jobs. They raised my dad and his 6 siblings first in a 2-bedroom apartment and then in a 3-bedroom bungalow. My oldest uncles, all born in the USA, were in their late teens by that point.

Would I be right in thinking that none of these individuals lived so far beyond their means as to ask a younger, single relative to co-sign a loan?

How could I possibly answer that, as I donít have access to that information? Iím directly answering the literal question posed in the quoted box at the top. Lots of immigrants move to their new countries. Many of them move with little more than they can carry, for lots of reasons.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4822 on: September 02, 2018, 02:24:47 PM »
My husbands aunt became a hoarder late in life. Very weird. When she passed away, her apartment was floor to ceiling with stuff and lots of it was from QVC in original bags and boxes and never used. Her apartment was infested with bed bugs and every single thing had to be thrown out. A clean up company had to come in with special gear so they didn't get eaten by the bugs. This was in an old, old apartment building and most likely no way to get rid of these bugs unless the whole building was fumigated. As far as I know, only her apartment was fumigated. I am sure the bed bugs were not brought in by her but her apartment got infested by others in the building. Probably every single apartment was infested. UGH! I had visited the apartment many years ago when her parents lived there and it was a tidy apartment. Can't imagine how this hoarder thing happened.

When my aunt and uncle bought an apartment complex, they would have a free keg and watermelon party for all the residents.

The kickoff for opening the kegs was a bug bomb set off in each and every apartment.

Just to be on topic:

My other aunt can't seem to even stay in the same house for more than a few years. She will buy an expensive, large house (uncle is deceased - it's just her and one small dog) - perform expensive redecorating and kitchen renovation. Within  a couple of years she's not happy with the house anymore and will repeat the process.

Of course, one of her "best friends" is a Realtor(tm).

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4823 on: September 02, 2018, 09:33:13 PM »
...
Would I be right in thinking that none of these individuals lived so far beyond their means as to ask a younger, single relative to co-sign a loan?

My understanding of the way the Vietnamese functioned in the Denver area when they got out of their shattered country about the time Congress collapsed American support was that very quickly they banded together and formed something like a credit union.  Pooled the little they had, listened to pitches, relied on their knowledge of one another to make the loans.  Everyone knew enough of each other to know that, say, young Ms Grimsqueaker was smart as a whip, had a good idea for a business, worked fiercely, upheld the old ways as regards debt, and was in every way a good candidate for a loan.  But young Mr Fredbear though smooth as a mongoose was lazy as a two-toed sloth, so the little the community had would not be risked with him.  Now it is almost 50 years later they have a part of town largely if informally their own, and it is fabulous.

I never heard of any reverse loans, where elders came a-borrowing from the young ones, though I suppose as the community matured, the credit pool grew more sophisticated, and some of the young ones succeeded, that it would eventually have happened.

Hula Hoop

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4824 on: September 03, 2018, 03:24:58 AM »
Fredbear - fom what I understand, the Chinese community here in my town works similarly.  I think other immigrant communities are similar.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4825 on: September 03, 2018, 09:49:29 AM »
My other aunt can't seem to even stay in the same house for more than a few years. She will buy an expensive, large house (uncle is deceased - it's just her and one small dog) - perform expensive redecorating and kitchen renovation. Within  a couple of years she's not happy with the house anymore and will repeat the process.

Of course, one of her "best friends" is a Realtor(tm).

Doesn't seem like a problem as long as she's making a profit after the sale.

I highly doubt she's making a profit. It's not like she's flipping them. She'll take perfectly nice, excellent cabinets, granite countertops and tile floor and replace with different cabinets, granite countertops and tile floor. Replace perfectly nice, nearly pristine neutral carpet with different carpet. Nothing that I would see as raising the value.  I'd ballpark she's spending at least 15% of the house value doing so. Plus all the usual costs of selling/buying houses. Using professional movers. Etc. I don't see how it would result in a profit. If she's relying on rising house values - she would get that in the existing house without all the additional costs.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4826 on: September 03, 2018, 10:41:36 AM »
Perhaps with her husband deceased this is the way she passed her time to entertain herself/stay connected to others/have a project to not wallow in depression.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4827 on: September 04, 2018, 07:50:12 AM »
I called a few family members to tell them I've got a new job. In this job I will report to a CFO, but it's a massive company with lot of seperate entities, so it's just "a" CFO of this location, not "the" CFO.

My relatives all said congrats. And then all of them suggested I go shopping for clothes right away, because I can't work for a CFO wearing the type of clothes I wear now. What's wrong with what I wear now? There are no brand names on it. It's not expensive.

Seriously, I wear perfectly appropriate clothes to work but I try to find them secondhand or from shops like H&M and Zara. A black knee-length skirt is a black knee-length skirt. No one cares about the brand name.

Apparantly I also need a new coat. Why? Because I've had this one for years. Does it look worn out or old-fashioned? No, but you've had it for years. You shouldn't wear your clothes for such a long time. And it's boring because it's black.

Congrats to you on the new job! I may have seen your relatives this morn in the school drop off line. Children exited the car in front of us. All of them wearing brand name clothes with a certain logo prominently plastered front and back and head to toe.

I'll buy quality (durability). Don't need any "tribal signs" (logos, signalling) on my clothes though. ;)

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4828 on: September 05, 2018, 02:35:12 PM »
I called a few family members to tell them I've got a new job. In this job I will report to a CFO, but it's a massive company with lot of seperate entities, so it's just "a" CFO of this location, not "the" CFO.

My relatives all said congrats. And then all of them suggested I go shopping for clothes right away, because I can't work for a CFO wearing the type of clothes I wear now. What's wrong with what I wear now? There are no brand names on it. It's not expensive.

Seriously, I wear perfectly appropriate clothes to work but I try to find them secondhand or from shops like H&M and Zara. A black knee-length skirt is a black knee-length skirt. No one cares about the brand name.

Apparantly I also need a new coat. Why? Because I've had this one for years. Does it look worn out or old-fashioned? No, but you've had it for years. You shouldn't wear your clothes for such a long time. And it's boring because it's black.

Congrats to you on the new job! I may have seen your relatives this morn in the school drop off line. Children exited the car in front of us. All of them wearing brand name clothes with a certain logo prominently plastered front and back and head to toe.

I'll buy quality (durability). Don't need any "tribal signs" (logos, signalling) on my clothes though. ;)

Same relative when I showed them the dress I altered for an upcoming wedding: "Ooh but you need to buy a matching blazer for when you walk from the wedding venue to the party venue. You need to treat yourself every now and then!" Yeah, treating myself by buying the one type of clothing I hate wearing. I have a very basic thin cardigan in a matching colour that will do just fine. I guess buying clothes is just how normal people reward themselves. For me, having an appropriate outfit for a wedding at a low cost ( to me and to the environment) is the reward.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4829 on: September 05, 2018, 09:50:06 PM »
Same relative when I showed them the dress I altered for an upcoming wedding: "Ooh but you need to buy a matching blazer for when you walk from the wedding venue to the party venue. You need to treat yourself every now and then!" Yeah, treating myself by buying the one type of clothing I hate wearing. I have a very basic thin cardigan in a matching colour that will do just fine. I guess buying clothes is just how normal people reward themselves. For me, having an appropriate outfit for a wedding at a low cost ( to me and to the environment) is the reward.
Hang on.  Did they just suggest that you purchase a piece of clothing specifically just for walking from one location to another?

Paul der Krake

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4830 on: September 05, 2018, 09:56:48 PM »
Same relative when I showed them the dress I altered for an upcoming wedding: "Ooh but you need to buy a matching blazer for when you walk from the wedding venue to the party venue. You need to treat yourself every now and then!" Yeah, treating myself by buying the one type of clothing I hate wearing. I have a very basic thin cardigan in a matching colour that will do just fine. I guess buying clothes is just how normal people reward themselves. For me, having an appropriate outfit for a wedding at a low cost ( to me and to the environment) is the reward.
Hang on.  Did they just suggest that you purchase a piece of clothing specifically just for walking from one location to another?
Life is journey, man.

AnnaGrowsAMustache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4831 on: September 06, 2018, 12:34:20 AM »
Same relative when I showed them the dress I altered for an upcoming wedding: "Ooh but you need to buy a matching blazer for when you walk from the wedding venue to the party venue. You need to treat yourself every now and then!" Yeah, treating myself by buying the one type of clothing I hate wearing. I have a very basic thin cardigan in a matching colour that will do just fine. I guess buying clothes is just how normal people reward themselves. For me, having an appropriate outfit for a wedding at a low cost ( to me and to the environment) is the reward.
Hang on.  Did they just suggest that you purchase a piece of clothing specifically just for walking from one location to another?

I have a couple of car-to-bar shoes. They're not much good for anything else!

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4832 on: September 06, 2018, 01:34:58 AM »
Same relative when I showed them the dress I altered for an upcoming wedding: "Ooh but you need to buy a matching blazer for when you walk from the wedding venue to the party venue. You need to treat yourself every now and then!" Yeah, treating myself by buying the one type of clothing I hate wearing. I have a very basic thin cardigan in a matching colour that will do just fine. I guess buying clothes is just how normal people reward themselves. For me, having an appropriate outfit for a wedding at a low cost ( to me and to the environment) is the reward.
Hang on.  Did they just suggest that you purchase a piece of clothing specifically just for walking from one location to another?

But what if someone happens to take a picture? Or when the party venue turns out to be cold? At some point you just need to accept you're a grown woman. You can't go on wearing thin plain button down cardigans instead of blazers. 

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4833 on: September 06, 2018, 09:19:18 AM »
You need to treat yourself every now and then and today and tomorrow and next week. YOLO! How am i so broke?

Cookie78

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4834 on: September 06, 2018, 09:21:30 AM »
You need to treat yourself every now and then and today and tomorrow and next week. YOLO! How am i so broke?

I'd just like to treat myself to a WHOLELOTTA FREEDOM!! YOLO

Zikoris

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4835 on: September 06, 2018, 11:49:22 AM »
"Treating yourself" is such an interesting thing. Every time I hear that term from someone, it's trying to get me to buy something I don't even want or like at all - it's like, "That's not a treat! That's the opposite of a treat!"

FiguringItOut

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4836 on: September 06, 2018, 12:06:07 PM »
Which raises the question for me, how can you move your family to another country without the requisite cash on hand to support them for at least a year??
That's what virtually every immigrant since the dawn of time has done.

Parents moved to the States in '92 with about $4k in cash and six kids. Not every decision in life is made having the resources to fully complement it. Sometimes you just roll with the punches and hope/work/struggle for the best results

Yep.  My parents came to the States in '89 with $1,800, 5 suitcases, two kids, and grandmother. 
My parents retired 5 years ago with NW in $2M+ range.


Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4837 on: September 06, 2018, 12:23:55 PM »
"Treating yourself" is such an interesting thing. Every time I hear that term from someone, it's trying to get me to buy something I don't even want or like at all - it's like, "That's not a treat! That's the opposite of a treat!"

You're a grown woman! Behalve like one and start enjoying proper treats! There's something wrong with you if you don't like treating yourself with these things. You're not a child anymore. 


Zikoris

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4838 on: September 06, 2018, 02:00:22 PM »
"Treating yourself" is such an interesting thing. Every time I hear that term from someone, it's trying to get me to buy something I don't even want or like at all - it's like, "That's not a treat! That's the opposite of a treat!"

You're a grown woman! Behalve like one and start enjoying proper treats! There's something wrong with you if you don't like treating yourself with these things. You're not a child anymore.

LOL, that just reminded me of the one time I use the word treat - when I want gummy bears. Probably not a great way to appear more adult-like though. When my boyfriend says treat, he means blueberry yogurt.

Dabnasty

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4839 on: September 06, 2018, 02:31:00 PM »
"Treating yourself" is such an interesting thing. Every time I hear that term from someone, it's trying to get me to buy something I don't even want or like at all - it's like, "That's not a treat! That's the opposite of a treat!"

You're a grown woman! Behalve like one and start enjoying proper treats! There's something wrong with you if you don't like treating yourself with these things. You're not a child anymore.

LOL, that just reminded me of the one time I use the word treat - when I want gummy bears. Probably not a great way to appear more adult-like though. When my boyfriend says treat, he means blueberry yogurt.

Treats are what you get when you show someone how good you are at shaking hands or rolling over. Two treats for jumping through a hoop.

Zikoris

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4840 on: September 06, 2018, 03:25:34 PM »
"Treating yourself" is such an interesting thing. Every time I hear that term from someone, it's trying to get me to buy something I don't even want or like at all - it's like, "That's not a treat! That's the opposite of a treat!"

You're a grown woman! Behalve like one and start enjoying proper treats! There's something wrong with you if you don't like treating yourself with these things. You're not a child anymore.

LOL, that just reminded me of the one time I use the word treat - when I want gummy bears. Probably not a great way to appear more adult-like though. When my boyfriend says treat, he means blueberry yogurt.

Treats are what you get when you show someone how good you are at shaking hands or rolling over. Two treats for jumping through a hoop.

So what you're saying is that when I need to jump through hoops trying to explain that buying crap I don't want is not actually a treat, I deserve two gummy bears? Sweet!

Dee

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4841 on: September 06, 2018, 07:37:40 PM »
Two gummy bears? Have 5! You deserve it!

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4842 on: September 07, 2018, 08:12:48 AM »
Two gummy bears? Have 5! You deserve it!

Just make sure they're not the special sugar-free Haribo ones.

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4843 on: September 07, 2018, 10:03:58 AM »
Two gummy bears? Have 5! You deserve it!

Just make sure they're not the special sugar-free Haribo ones.

good one

AMandM

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4844 on: September 07, 2018, 10:27:23 AM »
"Treating yourself" is such an interesting thing. Every time I hear that term from someone, it's trying to get me to buy something I don't even want or like at all - it's like, "That's not a treat! That's the opposite of a treat!"

Someone gave my MIL a gift certificate for a spa day as a treat. She called all her DILs, asking if we could go with her and use some of the GC's value, so she wouldn't have to stay there so long. The only reason she was even going was that she didn't want to hurt the feelings of the giver.

auntie_betty

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4845 on: September 09, 2018, 01:11:24 PM »
"Treating yourself" is such an interesting thing. Every time I hear that term from someone, it's trying to get me to buy something I don't even want or like at all - it's like, "That's not a treat! That's the opposite of a treat!"

You're a grown woman! Behalve like one and start enjoying proper treats! There's something wrong with you if you don't like treating yourself with these things. You're not a child anymore.

Recently I 'treated myself' by cracking open a new pack of washing up sponges (the kind with nylon scrubbers on one side). Five minutes later I saw a message from a friend saying she'd just treated herself to a new £100 bag........... Based on how many bags she's bought in the past I don't hold out much hope the new one will bring her any more pleasure than my washing up sponge.

Linda_Norway

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4846 on: September 10, 2018, 02:31:27 AM »
Recently I 'treated myself' by cracking open a new pack of washing up sponges (the kind with nylon scrubbers on one side). Five minutes later I saw a message from a friend saying she'd just treated herself to a new £100 bag........... Based on how many bags she's bought in the past I don't hold out much hope the new one will bring her any more pleasure than my washing up sponge.

:-)

I treated myself on a ice-cream last weekend, as it was such nice weather.

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4847 on: September 10, 2018, 02:22:16 PM »
Recently I 'treated myself' by cracking open a new pack of washing up sponges (the kind with nylon scrubbers on one side). Five minutes later I saw a message from a friend saying she'd just treated herself to a new £100 bag........... Based on how many bags she's bought in the past I don't hold out much hope the new one will bring her any more pleasure than my washing up sponge.

:-)

I treated myself on a ice-cream last weekend, as it was such nice weather.

I bought myself a magazine on canning last weekend. That's what I would call a real treat.

I never feel guilty about giving away any beauty-related gifts. Everyone knows I hate that. If they give me a terrible gift I'm not obligated to keep or use it.

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4848 on: September 10, 2018, 03:01:31 PM »
Recently I 'treated myself' by cracking open a new pack of washing up sponges (the kind with nylon scrubbers on one side). Five minutes later I saw a message from a friend saying she'd just treated herself to a new £100 bag........... Based on how many bags she's bought in the past I don't hold out much hope the new one will bring her any more pleasure than my washing up sponge.

:-)

I treated myself on a ice-cream last weekend, as it was such nice weather.

I bought myself a magazine on canning last weekend. That's what I would call a real treat.

I never feel guilty about giving away any beauty-related gifts. Everyone knows I hate that. If they give me a terrible gift I'm not obligated to keep or use it.

I had this lovely boss.

Years ago, when I was pregnant, I had a pretty rough pregnancy.  First, my mom died.  Then, the boss and two coworkers had a string of illnesses/surgeries/vacations scheduled, such that I basically was doing the job of two people for 3 or 4 straight months.  (and not always the same two people.  Me and boss.  Me and coworker A.  Me and coworker B.)  My stress level was through the ROOF.  So sweet boss took me to lunch when I was 8 months pregnant or so.

Gave me this lovely gift certificate for a spa so that I could get a message, or any treatment that I wanted.  Even had his wife check out a few spas to find a great one.

Can I say that I'd never had a massage?  And wasn't into spas?  And didn't know what was appropriate for a pregnancy message? 

Ah, in any event.  I waited until after I had the baby.  Was a week or two out from going back to work.  I still didn't want a massage.  I scheduled a facial.  I'd never had a facial either.  How the fuck do people breathe with hot moist air on their faces?  The technician asked "have you ever had a facial??"  Um, no, obviously.  It was definitely a waste of a couple hundred bucks.  But it wasn't my couple hundred bucks.

Threshkin

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4849 on: September 10, 2018, 06:33:18 PM »
Recently I 'treated myself' by cracking open a new pack of washing up sponges (the kind with nylon scrubbers on one side). Five minutes later I saw a message from a friend saying she'd just treated herself to a new £100 bag........... Based on how many bags she's bought in the past I don't hold out much hope the new one will bring her any more pleasure than my washing up sponge.

:-)

I treated myself on a ice-cream last weekend, as it was such nice weather.

I bought myself a magazine on canning last weekend. That's what I would call a real treat.

I never feel guilty about giving away any beauty-related gifts. Everyone knows I hate that. If they give me a terrible gift I'm not obligated to keep or use it.

I had this lovely boss.

Years ago, when I was pregnant, I had a pretty rough pregnancy.  First, my mom died.  Then, the boss and two coworkers had a string of illnesses/surgeries/vacations scheduled, such that I basically was doing the job of two people for 3 or 4 straight months.  (and not always the same two people.  Me and boss.  Me and coworker A.  Me and coworker B.)  My stress level was through the ROOF.  So sweet boss took me to lunch when I was 8 months pregnant or so.

Gave me this lovely gift certificate for a spa so that I could get a message, or any treatment that I wanted.  Even had his wife check out a few spas to find a great one.

Can I say that I'd never had a massage?  And wasn't into spas?  And didn't know what was appropriate for a pregnancy message? 

Ah, in any event.  I waited until after I had the baby.  Was a week or two out from going back to work.  I still didn't want a massage.  I scheduled a facial.  I'd never had a facial either.  How the fuck do people breathe with hot moist air on their faces?  The technician asked "have you ever had a facial??"  Um, no, obviously.  It was definitely a waste of a couple hundred bucks.  But it wasn't my couple hundred bucks.
But the thought was good.  Many (most?) bosses wouldn't have gotten you anything at all.