Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 3478766 times)

Goldielocks

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4450 on: February 19, 2018, 03:43:58 PM »
Lord help me....  SIL has posted a gofundme page.

For her daughter to attend national ballet summer academy, so prestigous, but man.  gofundme?!  While not cutting any personal expenses and not even approaching anyone in person first for assistance?  I must be old, but this is so... !! ....

Don't know how I will hold my tongue, I think I may end up posting here a lot.

penguintroopers

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4451 on: February 19, 2018, 05:44:25 PM »
Somethings to clear my above post up:

MIL is in charge of their household finances, but doesn't do a great job of it. My husband asked if they would like help finding more ways to cut the bill, and they agreed. After awhile they found that the problem wasn't really him being on the plan, but above silliness. They decided to take his suggestions and keep him on anyway, but they never changed anything.

Gronnie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4452 on: February 19, 2018, 06:00:18 PM »
Why don't you just have him pay them $50/mo? That's what I did when I was on my parents plan, and now my parents are on my plan and pay me their portion.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2018, 08:10:21 PM by Gronnie »

penguintroopers

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4453 on: February 19, 2018, 08:09:17 PM »
Why don't you just have him pay them $50/mo? That's why I did when I was on my parents plan, and now my parents are on my plan and pay me their portion.

Honestly, we just never thought about it.

nick663

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4454 on: February 19, 2018, 08:46:30 PM »
Lord help me....  SIL has posted a gofundme page.

For her daughter to attend national ballet summer academy, so prestigous, but man.  gofundme?!  While not cutting any personal expenses and not even approaching anyone in person first for assistance?  I must be old, but this is so... !! ....

Don't know how I will hold my tongue, I think I may end up posting here a lot.
gofundme is a bad joke at this point.  So many people asking for others to finance luxuries or bail them out of mistakes that are the result of poor planning.

Somethings to clear my above post up:

MIL is in charge of their household finances, but doesn't do a great job of it. My husband asked if they would like help finding more ways to cut the bill, and they agreed. After awhile they found that the problem wasn't really him being on the plan, but above silliness. They decided to take his suggestions and keep him on anyway, but they never changed anything.
I was kind of surprised by immattdamon's reply above.  My parents talk openly about their bills with my brother and I.  Hell, I'm the one that gets stuck calling DirecTV once a year to threaten to cancel and get their bill lowered.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2018, 08:48:02 PM by nick663 »

charis

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4455 on: February 20, 2018, 03:07:08 PM »
Why don't you just have him pay them $50/mo? That's why I did when I was on my parents plan, and now my parents are on my plan and pay me their portion.

Honestly, we just never thought about it.

That's a fairly convenient thing to just not think about.  Is it a bit hypocritical to vent about their high phone bill but still have them paying their adult son's cell phone bill?

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4456 on: February 20, 2018, 03:25:03 PM »
Why don't you just have him pay them $50/mo? That's why I did when I was on my parents plan, and now my parents are on my plan and pay me their portion.

Honestly, we just never thought about it.

That's a fairly convenient thing to just not think about.  Is it a bit hypocritical to vent about their high phone bill but still have them paying their adult son's cell phone bill?

Well...

My phone is on my dad's company policy, which I don't even want to think about how much it costs.

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4457 on: February 20, 2018, 04:12:35 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4458 on: February 20, 2018, 04:20:15 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

I'd say it's fairly normal for people to support their children financially through the "college" years and into their early 20s, and providing services for the child on a family plan is one way they do it. With vehicle insurance it can make a big difference, since companies assume parents who insure a vehicle in their name for a grown child exercise some control over it. I think the same could be true of family cell phone plans or similar account based services.

Being on a parent's plan is not always freeloading: the person benefiting often contributes toward the bill or helps in some other way. There's definitely something to be said for sharing and taking advantage of group based savings.

alewpanda

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4459 on: February 20, 2018, 04:55:24 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

I'd say it's fairly normal for people to support their children financially through the "college" years and into their early 20s, and providing services for the child on a family plan is one way they do it. With vehicle insurance it can make a big difference, since companies assume parents who insure a vehicle in their name for a grown child exercise some control over it. I think the same could be true of family cell phone plans or similar account based services.

Being on a parent's plan is not always freeloading: the person benefiting often contributes toward the bill or helps in some other way. There's definitely something to be said for sharing and taking advantage of group based savings.

Agreed.  Many of my siblings and family members are joined on a couple of different accounts to save costs.  They can get costs similar to my no contract plan if they combo enough phones together.  However, all of my siblings, once they either finished college or started their adult life--ish, started paying for their own portion.  I got married halfway through college, and I was kicked off within a month or two.  At the time, they needed the space on the plan for younger siblings, and now I was supporting myself officially. 

The idea of not paying for your portion as an adult.....thats cringy.

HappierAtHome

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4460 on: February 20, 2018, 05:14:41 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

It always surprises me to see it. I had my own phone plan at 18, and before that I was paying for my own pre-paid phone credit.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4461 on: February 20, 2018, 05:53:42 PM »
I'm over 50 and I just got my own phone and plan 3 months ago. 
......Waiting for heads to explode......

Spoiler: show
Don't cringe, it is my 1st personal cell phone (iphone 3gs) and plan ($2/day if used that day, $25/90days if not).

I've had a company cell phone for about 10 years? 15years? Forgotten details.

Never been on my parent's plan, they've only recently gotten (5years?) cell phones.

Paul der Krake

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4462 on: February 20, 2018, 07:20:23 PM »
Re: phone family plan.

The thing you have to understand is that US phone companies are outrageously expensive. Think, Australian-broadband expensive. Pre-paid plans are only used by advanced consumers and poor people. Family plan discounts make the pill easier to swallow, and it's been done for so long that it's just what people do, regardless of ability to pay.

TomTX

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4463 on: February 20, 2018, 08:16:29 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

I haven't taken any financial assistance from my parents since I got my undergrad degree - and that was only partial funding for college.

Conversely I have a friend at work who pays for cell phones (and often cars!) for his 3 grown sons. Admittedly they all have a ton of medical school debt and only one is past residency (by a year or two.)

druth

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4464 on: February 20, 2018, 08:48:34 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

Adding a line to my parents unlimited plan is around $20 a month, and getting the exact same plan for myself is $70 a month.  I'll let them keep paying, thanks.

Purple Economist

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4465 on: February 20, 2018, 08:53:30 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

Adding a line to my parents unlimited plan is around $20 a month, and getting the exact same plan for myself is $70 a month.  I'll let them keep paying, thanks.

Why do they need to be the ones paying the $20 a month?

MrMoogle

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4466 on: February 21, 2018, 07:48:20 AM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

Adding a line to my parents unlimited plan is around $20 a month, and getting the exact same plan for myself is $70 a month.  I'll let them keep paying, thanks.

Why do they need to be the ones paying the $20 a month?
My friend's family does this.  He, his wife, his brother, his sister and his BIL were all on his parents' plan, last time we talked about it.  They each pay the parents some of the bill, and evidently they are saving a ton of money doing it this way. 

merula

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4467 on: February 21, 2018, 08:55:38 AM »
I'd say it's fairly normal for people to support their children financially through the "college" years and into their early 20s, and providing services for the child on a family plan is one way they do it. With vehicle insurance it can make a big difference, since companies assume parents who insure a vehicle in their name for a grown child exercise some control over it. I think the same could be true of family cell phone plans or similar account based services.

Being on a parent's plan is not always freeloading: the person benefiting often contributes toward the bill or helps in some other way. There's definitely something to be said for sharing and taking advantage of group based savings.

I'm on my parents' plan. I've paid for any "extras" I used since I originally got a phone and have been responsible for the "full" cost since graduating from college.

"Full cost" being $30/month for unlimited talk/text and 1GB of data, which is based on the cost of the line and the cost of the shared data divided by use per person. If I were to drop from the plan, my parents wouldn't be able to drop the shared data by just 1GB, so they'd be paying more without me there. From my end, based on my use I'd pay less with Ting or something, but without the perk of, if I do go over, it's not an issue unless everyone in the family goes over. From that perspective, I'm subsidizing my parents' phone bill on average.

Mezzie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4468 on: February 21, 2018, 08:59:57 AM »
I don't know if they still pay for them, but at one point my little brother and sister, who had gone in together on a cell phone plan to save money, added my parents so they could have smart phones with data (they gave my parents phones as well). Adding the two extra lines under a family plan was a negligible cost for my siblings; getting two lines on their own was prohibitively expensive for my parents.

I thought that was nice of them. :) If it were my parents paying for my siblings' phone plans, I would think it weird.

My parents are retired now (thank goodness for my dad's defined benefit pension!), and they deserve some spoiling from us. Keeping the four of us kids fed and clothed was hard work, and they made a lot of sacrifices for that to happen. I would be appalled if any one of us asked them for financial help in even the smallest way unless it were a dire emergency (and in such a situation, we would all pitch in).

I realize not all family dynamics are the same.

ETA: I'd like to add my parents to my husband's and my Apple Music plan since four people cost the same as two. I keep forgetting to ask them if they're interested. At one point we added my bro and SIL, but they bought things on iTunes pretty frequently and decided it was too inconvenient to pay me back for anything on iTunes they bought (to share, all people on the plan link their iTunes to one credit card). I figured it could have just been added to the rent check they give us each month, but I wasn't going to push or anything.
« Last Edit: February 21, 2018, 09:06:18 AM by Mezzie »

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4469 on: February 21, 2018, 12:43:06 PM »
Just to clarify, it was genuine surprise, not some kind of judgement from my side. I'm sorry if I came across that way. I'm just really surprised because I've never heard anyone say that irl, not even people who I know get financial support from their parents. But if phone plans are so extremely expensive in the US and people can get a better deal on a family plan and no one feels resentment about it, then sure, go ahead. For comparison: my 1GB/unlimited calls and texts deal costs me around €8,50/month which is around $10. I'm all for sharing accounts and plans to save money, we share our Netflix and Spotify accounts with relatives (but split the cost).

Gronnie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4470 on: February 21, 2018, 01:26:02 PM »
As everyone has iterated, a family plan for X lines is MUCH cheaper in the US than buying those lines individually. So you go in together on a family plan and then each person pays their share of the bill. Everyone wins (as long as everyone pays that is!)

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4471 on: February 21, 2018, 01:26:50 PM »
I'm actually surprised how often I read "I'm on my parents' plan" on this forum. Is this a normal thing? Just asking, because to me it just sounds so strange.

I think it's fairly common, yes.

I'm a dinosaur (late 40s) and thus, have only had a cell phone for about 10 years.  So obviously, not on my parents' plan.

But many of my younger coworkers (aged <30) are on their parents' plans, because they got a phone in HS, and kept it in college, and kept it after, and...?  I think it's just different when it's something you've always had.  One of my coworkers once said "my brother took my upgrade", and she was 25, and I thought it was weird.  But you can be on your parents' health insurance until 26 now.  My sister helps out her (under employed) children.

I also have older coworkers with children in their 20's and they are all on the same plans because there are good deals.  But it depends - some of them have their kids paying them for it.

I would think that when you get a job and a car and start paying your own car insurance, that you would take on your own cell phone bill - but remember, cell phones move WITH you, so it's not like you move from Philadelphia to Denver and change your number.

MrMoogle

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4472 on: February 21, 2018, 02:23:25 PM »
Just to clarify, it was genuine surprise, not some kind of judgement from my side. I'm sorry if I came across that way. I'm just really surprised because I've never heard anyone say that irl, not even people who I know get financial support from their parents. But if phone plans are so extremely expensive in the US and people can get a better deal on a family plan and no one feels resentment about it, then sure, go ahead. For comparison: my 1GB/unlimited calls and texts deal costs me around €8,50/month which is around $10. I'm all for sharing accounts and plans to save money, we share our Netflix and Spotify accounts with relatives (but split the cost).
As a reference, Ting, which is the cheapest thing I can find, is $~17/month for 100 minutes, 100 texts, and 100MB.
AT&T has a 1GB/unlimited calls and texts for $35/month.

coldestcat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4473 on: February 21, 2018, 02:46:30 PM »
I was on my parents plan until maybe 22 or so. Then paid for my own bill for a while. At some point my mom said she was paying for my sister's account so she wanted to pay for mine as well to be fair. I let her do that until a little before I got married.

My wife and I went over their bill and with info from this site we moved away from ATTs $250/mo to cricket $100/mo family plan where me, wife, mom, & Step dad pay $25 each. Then we found out you can add a fifth line for free. We added my FIL and instead of giving him a free line, everyone pays $20 instead/mo. I have the money come out of my account and everyone pays me monthly.

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4474 on: February 21, 2018, 03:56:16 PM »
My wife and I stayed on our parents plans until well over a year after we were married. It made literally no difference for my wife's parents if she got off, and for me it was something like $5 a month difference. I tried to give them $100 a year for it, they said don't bother.

We got off the parental plans after we needed new phones, since it was cheaper that way. Cell phones and their plans make my blood pressure rise.

ChipmunkSavings

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4475 on: February 21, 2018, 06:20:09 PM »
I kept my cell phone on my parents' plan for years, because I had a cheap plan that was no longer offered as I had kept the same cell phone for 6 years. My grandfathered 15$ a month no-frills plan is no longer available, and the cheapest plans start at 35$ a month for the same company. I eventually switched when I moved out, as I needed a answering machine (which did not come in my initial plan).

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4476 on: February 21, 2018, 06:30:46 PM »
I'm on the family plan. It also includes my sister, mom, and dad. Sister manages it. Not sure how she got stuck with that job, but glad it's not me. I send money monthly to her for my portion, and a little extra since she's subsidizing the parents. The plan as a whole gets a massive discount through dad's work, and also a reimbursement to cover the cost of him using his phone for work.

I've looked into separating, and it's just not worth it. My sister handles the bill, that's valuable to me.

Dicey

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4477 on: February 21, 2018, 07:49:56 PM »
Our family of four three competent adults was paying $100/month total for a very generous plan. We discovered we could add another user for $1 more a month, plus the cost of an Android phone. A friend on the other coast is having a rough go of it these days, so we added her, bought a phone and had it shipped to her. Felt good then; still does.

SwordGuy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4478 on: February 21, 2018, 09:49:37 PM »
Our family of four three competent adults was paying $100/month total for a very generous plan. We discovered we could add another user for $1 more a month, plus the cost of an Android phone. A friend on the other coast is having a rough go of it these days, so we added her, bought a phone and had it shipped to her. Felt good then; still does.

Yeah, you!

Apples

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4479 on: February 22, 2018, 06:52:30 AM »
Guys can we please go back to relatives who don't get it now...

MrRichards

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4480 on: February 22, 2018, 07:54:13 AM »
I've got one. It's horrific from the inside but probably entertaining from the outside.

Cast of characters:
Brother (deceased)
SIL (widow)
Nephew/Nieces (children of Brother)
Mother (mine and Brother's)

Brother died suddenly a few weeks ago. We knew he was in poor health, but he had a massive heart attack that came out of nowhere. SIL is in shock; they'd been married 40 years.

Brother's children are, understandably, hurting, so I'd be inclined to forgive any minor slights. However:
-Nephew/Nieces are already going through SIL's house to clean out Brother's things. I don't know if SIL asked them to do this, but my guess is not. Nephew seems to be angling to move his family in with SIL, because they are currently living for free with his MIL but would probably prefer to live with his mother. This seems like a lot to put on SIL so soon, but she's never been able to say no to her children, so this might be her own doing. (Also, it's somewhat of a tradition in our family to offer small household items to the extended family after death. There are some small things I've given my brother over the years that it would mean the world to me to have back, but that are probably going to Goodwill.)

-Nephew and nieces collaborated on the obituary; no one else was asked. No one outside of SIL, nephew/nieces and their spouses and children were listed as survivors, despite me AND OUR MOTHER both still living. Look, I know it sucks to lose your dad, I was younger than them when I lost mine. It's worse to lose a child.

-Our dad died forever ago. The obit misspelled his name.

-One version of the obit specifically referenced my niece's MLM scam, in an attempt to drum up business?

-"In lieu of flowers, please send memorials to the family." Memorials in this case being a euphemism for cash. SIL is not hurting for cash, and this isn't something where there are large medical bills. Her children may be hurting for cash but if so it's from their own poor behavior.

My mother is LIVID. "I'm not giving them a dime, they're just going to spend it on something stupid."

MrRichards

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4481 on: February 22, 2018, 08:39:39 AM »
In a version of the obit that was shared via social media (not the newspaper version), it mentions how Brother enjoyed the MLM product and how MLM product is helping SIL with her grief.

sherr

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4482 on: February 22, 2018, 10:11:39 AM »
As a reference, Ting, which is the cheapest thing I can find, is $~17/month for 100 minutes, 100 texts, and 100MB.

FYI (or a PSA?) I'm using US Mobile for the same for $9/month (GSM LTE network). They also let you specify exactly how much you want of any of it, so you can customize to your needs. Only downside I've seen so far is that they're a little slow notifying your phone if you have a voicemail (sometimes takes a couple hours).

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4483 on: February 22, 2018, 10:25:21 AM »
wow that's awful MrRichards.

The "name missing in the obit" could be forgiven if not for all the other stuff.

Roe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4484 on: February 22, 2018, 10:41:23 AM »
In a version of the obit that was shared via social media (not the newspaper version), it mentions how Brother enjoyed the MLM product and how MLM product is helping SIL with her grief.

Wow, that was really to far and a yard.


Im sorry you lost your brother.

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4485 on: February 22, 2018, 11:18:00 AM »

Also, it's somewhat of a tradition in our family to offer small household items to the extended family after death. There are some small things I've given my brother over the years that it would mean the world to me to have back, but that are probably going to Goodwill.)

-"In lieu of flowers, please send memorials to the family." Memorials in this case being a euphemism for cash. SIL is not hurting for cash, and this isn't something where there are large medical bills. Her children may be hurting for cash but if so it's from their own poor behavior.

My mother is LIVID. "I'm not giving them a dime, they're just going to spend it on something stupid."

I'm so sorry for your loss, and so very sorry for your poor mother as well. To lose your son is bad enough without being treated like that by her surviving family. And to even think about asking for cash in a situation like that ... these people have no shame.

To comment specifically on the section I quoted above. If you are still in touch with them and you know they're clearing his stuff and sending stuff to Goodwill, I think it's not unreasonable at all to call one of them and say "Hey, I heard you are clearing out Brother's stuff. Remember that vase I gave to him 15 years ago? If you're getting rid of that, it would mean so much to me if I could have it back, as a special keepsake to remind me of my brother".

middleclasswhitetrash

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4486 on: February 23, 2018, 10:22:43 AM »
My sister and brother-in-law have began to slide fast into an abyss I am afraid. It has already caused tension within my family.

My sister has a public state institution job and her husband worked in corrections. They currently have two children less than eight.  Some months ago he got tired of working this job so he took a manual labor job for less money I am sure. This was right after they purchased a new to them van for the family, but nothing super fancy. Few months later decide to buy husband a new to them truck for his manly new job. They apparently borrowed some money from my father to help purchase this vehicle.

Couple months later they decide they want to start camping on a regular basis and look into buying a fairly new camper. They again ask to borrow money from my father to help with a down payment because the bank of dad was apparently now open for business. Thank god he said no this time but it was not without issues. Because of this, over the last few months he has only been able to see two of his grandchildren very sparingly and only when he just forces the issue. It's really sad how things like this can come between family but at least you can find out some folks true colors.

Now move forward a few more months and these new debts only to find out the husband and wife decided it was time to have another child since they were wanting a specific gender previously. Luckily, they did just find out it was the gender they had hoped for. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Splashncash

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4487 on: February 23, 2018, 02:35:01 PM »
Lord help me....  SIL has posted a gofundme page.

For her daughter to attend national ballet summer academy, so prestigous, but man.  gofundme?!  While not cutting any personal expenses and not even approaching anyone in person first for assistance?  I must be old, but this is so... !! ....

Don't know how I will hold my tongue, I think I may end up posting here a lot.

Great, but wait until I get the popcorn passed out, 'k?

Freedomin5

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4488 on: February 24, 2018, 06:54:53 AM »
Talking about our plans for early retirement with an older family member a few days ago. This person is financially savvy, having retired at around age 50, but was a bit critical about my plan to retire before age 40.

They started telling a horror story of a friend who retired right before the 2008 crash and how sad it was for him. I mean, he even had to sell his penthouse suite!

I was like, first of all, why didn’t he have a cash buffer? I’m no expert but most retirement sites recommend a 2-3 year cash buffer to cover expenses in case of a crash so you don’t have to tap into your retirement fund. Second of all, why did he buy a penthouse immediately before retiring?

Poptarte

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4489 on: March 01, 2018, 02:00:10 PM »
My cousin lives with us. We offered to rent him a room to get away from his over bearing parents so he can get back up on his feet and make a plan without his parents shitting on every idea he has. We are also a one income family while my husband is in school, so an extra bit of rent a month is an appealing thing. Well, he talked a good game but we are slowly learning why his parents may have been so frustrated.

He hasn't paid his very reasonable $300 rent on time once since he has moved in. he makes $16 and hour and works nearly every day (he says) so the money should be there. He was 20 days late paying us February rent, and came home the next day in brand new $135 boots. He doesn't need new boots, he has three pairs already.

He came home stressed over part of a dental bill that went to collections for $800. He wasn't sure how he was going to pay it, and was trying to hint at us waiving his rent so he could throw it at his debts. He then proceeded to spend the next THREE days out with his friends partying and getting shit-faced and blacked out drunk.

Despite us telling him he can help himself to the fridge and share dinner with us - we like variety and cooking for 2 can be hard sometimes - he still opts to come home with a new and exciting sixer of beer almost everyday and buys food for the week that he then lets go bad because he eats out at work most days.

He got a full time job at the hospital three miles from my house - I work there and often bike - he proceeded to quit that job, and now commutes in a truck he can't afford to a hospital 45-60 mins away. My husband is a mechanic and offered to help him find and pick out a decent commuter car before he moved in with us, which my cousin insisted he wanted the help, and then bought the truck without any input from us anyways.  This truck is kind of a lemon, and my husband graciously spends his free time patching it up to keep it on the road.

He works contingent at the current hospital, and has turned down three full time positions because they were "boring" or "not the hours he wanted to work". He makes so many bad money decisions, and we cannot talk any sense into him, despite him wanting to move in with us specifically so we could help him get on his feet. His parents have already said he can't move back in, and we don't want to throw family out into the street, but we are starting to consider it.

And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

ketchup

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4490 on: March 01, 2018, 02:04:02 PM »
My cousin lives with us. We offered to rent him a room to get away from his over bearing parents so he can get back up on his feet and make a plan without his parents shitting on every idea he has. We are also a one income family while my husband is in school, so an extra bit of rent a month is an appealing thing. Well, he talked a good game but we are slowly learning why his parents may have been so frustrated.

He hasn't paid his very reasonable $300 rent on time once since he has moved in. he makes $16 and hour and works nearly every day (he says) so the money should be there. He was 20 days late paying us February rent, and came home the next day in brand new $135 boots. He doesn't need new boots, he has three pairs already.

He came home stressed over part of a dental bill that went to collections for $800. He wasn't sure how he was going to pay it, and was trying to hint at us waiving his rent so he could throw it at his debts. He then proceeded to spend the next THREE days out with his friends partying and getting shit-faced and blacked out drunk.

Despite us telling him he can help himself to the fridge and share dinner with us - we like variety and cooking for 2 can be hard sometimes - he still opts to come home with a new and exciting sixer of beer almost everyday and buys food for the week that he then lets go bad because he eats out at work most days.

He got a full time job at the hospital three miles from my house - I work there and often bike - he proceeded to quit that job, and now commutes in a truck he can't afford to a hospital 45-60 mins away. My husband is a mechanic and offered to help him find and pick out a decent commuter car before he moved in with us, which my cousin insisted he wanted the help, and then bought the truck without any input from us anyways.  This truck is kind of a lemon, and my husband graciously spends his free time patching it up to keep it on the road.

He works contingent at the current hospital, and has turned down three full time positions because they were "boring" or "not the hours he wanted to work". He makes so many bad money decisions, and we cannot talk any sense into him, despite him wanting to move in with us specifically so we could help him get on his feet. His parents have already said he can't move back in, and we don't want to throw family out into the street, but we are starting to consider it.

And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.
A couple months ago, I dealt with something similar with my sister-in-law, except no income at all and a couple drug addictions thrown in the mix.

You can lead a horse to water...

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4491 on: March 01, 2018, 03:05:26 PM »
And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

You're treating him like a roommate and not like a tenant. If he doesn't pay the rent, evict him.

SwordGuy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4492 on: March 01, 2018, 04:22:40 PM »
And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

You're treating him like a roommate and not like a tenant. If he doesn't pay the rent, evict him.

Yep.

LeRainDrop

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4493 on: March 01, 2018, 08:43:05 PM »
And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

You're treating him like a roommate and not like a tenant. If he doesn't pay the rent, evict him.

Yep.

Definitely.  This is a guy who is learning a lesson now -- either that you're willing to enable him, or that you'll expect him to meet his commitments to you.

Linea_Norway

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4494 on: March 02, 2018, 01:12:40 AM »
And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

You're treating him like a roommate and not like a tenant. If he doesn't pay the rent, evict him.

Yep.

Definitely.  This is a guy who is learning a lesson now -- either that you're willing to enable him, or that you'll expect him to meet his commitments to you.

You are not doing him a favor in the long run by enabling him. He is getting a screwed idea of how the world works if everyone lets him stay for free and would pay his dentist bills while he continues to party.
I would sit down with him and explain that you cannot afford to have a roommate that doesn't pay rent. He has the option to setup an auto-payment in his bank to pay you the rent the day after his salary comes in. If the next rent doesn't come on time, evict him. You could be flexible by synchronizing the payment date to his salary date.
But in the end, it doesn't sound like a guy you want to have living in your house. Your husband should consider not helping him out so much with the car. Or maybe teaching the guy to do it himself. But not paying for any parts.

former player

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4495 on: March 02, 2018, 01:23:43 AM »
If he's drinking a six pack of beer most days he's got an alcohol problem.  Quite possibly he's driving drunk in the morning from drinking the night before.

He needs the "come to Jesus" talk from you both: he pays his rent and car parts and stops bringing alcohol in the house, starting immediately.

Pooperman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4496 on: March 02, 2018, 07:05:16 AM »
Just to clarify, it was genuine surprise, not some kind of judgement from my side. I'm sorry if I came across that way. I'm just really surprised because I've never heard anyone say that irl, not even people who I know get financial support from their parents. But if phone plans are so extremely expensive in the US and people can get a better deal on a family plan and no one feels resentment about it, then sure, go ahead. For comparison: my 1GB/unlimited calls and texts deal costs me around €8,50/month which is around $10. I'm all for sharing accounts and plans to save money, we share our Netflix and Spotify accounts with relatives (but split the cost).
As a reference, Ting, which is the cheapest thing I can find, is $~17/month for 100 minutes, 100 texts, and 100MB.
AT&T has a 1GB/unlimited calls and texts for $35/month.

H2O (at&t) has an unlimited talk/text with 1 GB data for $20/month ($18 if you have auto-renew set up). That's probably the closest direct comparison.

PMG

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4497 on: March 02, 2018, 07:33:43 AM »
Just to clarify, it was genuine surprise, not some kind of judgement from my side. I'm sorry if I came across that way. I'm just really surprised because I've never heard anyone say that irl, not even people who I know get financial support from their parents. But if phone plans are so extremely expensive in the US and people can get a better deal on a family plan and no one feels resentment about it, then sure, go ahead. For comparison: my 1GB/unlimited calls and texts deal costs me around €8,50/month which is around $10. I'm all for sharing accounts and plans to save money, we share our Netflix and Spotify accounts with relatives (but split the cost).
As a reference, Ting, which is the cheapest thing I can find, is $~17/month for 100 minutes, 100 texts, and 100MB.
AT&T has a 1GB/unlimited calls and texts for $35/month.

H2O (at&t) has an unlimited talk/text with 1 GB data for $20/month ($18 if you have auto-renew set up). That's probably the closest direct comparison.

Derailing the thread.  How have I not heard of H20 before??  Ting coverage is awful where I need it.  ATT offers the best coverage in that area.  I will definitely be exploring this further when I’m ready to change!  Thanks. 

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4498 on: March 02, 2018, 10:30:34 AM »
And for every finance blogged that suggests renting out a room, fuck you and fuck that. Never again will we add a roommate.

You're treating him like a roommate and not like a tenant. If he doesn't pay the rent, evict him.

Yep.

Definitely.  This is a guy who is learning a lesson now -- either that you're willing to enable him, or that you'll expect him to meet his commitments to you.

Get him to the street, change the locks. As for the rent money he owes you, write off and chalk it up to life experience.

Renting a room can really help finances but only if you do it right. You can rent to family but there should be more communication given beforehand and during. I collect rent first thing on the month, my roommate is great about having the check written out and on the counter so if a few times he forgets it isn't a big deal as he'll have it there the next day. I love that I don't need to ask for payment.

 and consider the rent money you didn't earn to be a

NoraLenderbee

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4499 on: March 02, 2018, 04:04:51 PM »

You need to tell him in so many words that either he pays you on time, or he's out. You wouldn't be throwing him out; he's throwing himself out by failing to follow a few clear rules.

Quote
I would sit down with him and explain that you cannot afford to have a roommate that doesn't pay rent. He has the option to setup an auto-payment in his bank to pay you the rent the day after his salary comes in. If the next rent doesn't come on time, evict him. You could be flexible by synchronizing the payment date to his salary date.

This. But since he can't manage his money (I would tell him this), transfer the rent weekly. Telling him to pay on time isn't working; you have to enforce it. And he needs to *feel* what it's like to have $300 less available. Either he gets it, or (more likely) he gets to live on his own and learn the hard way. He sounds like the kind of guy who has to learn the hard way.

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He works contingent at the current hospital, and has turned down three full time positions because they were "boring"

LOL. Why does he think it's called WORK.