Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 1545322 times)

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4000 on: November 29, 2017, 09:03:09 AM »
I thought I remembered some story about how TV manufacturers were gaming the energy tests.  Like the TV's computer would identify the standard test video and put the TV into a low power/low brightness mode that most everyone does not actually use so the TV would use less power for the auditor.  I am to lazy to google for this now.

Perhaps, but it's not going to be off by a whole order of magnitude.
Actually, since the backlight is the bulk of the power consumption, an order of magnitude is entirely possible.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4001 on: November 29, 2017, 10:39:33 AM »
My father is into sports (mainly cricket and athletics and higher-level football, but he'll give most things a go) and he almost does the opposite in that he'll have the TV on and tuned to whatever match or fixture is going on, but have it muted. So he'll be cooking or reading or whatever, but the TV is silently going in the background. It's better than constant noise but I do find it oddly disconcerting.

ketchup

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4002 on: November 29, 2017, 10:46:55 AM »
My father is into sports (mainly cricket and athletics and higher-level football, but he'll give most things a go) and he almost does the opposite in that he'll have the TV on and tuned to whatever match or fixture is going on, but have it muted. So he'll be cooking or reading or whatever, but the TV is silently going in the background. It's better than constant noise but I do find it oddly disconcerting.
This I'd view as similar to checking the score of "the game" every half hour on your smartphone, except less polite/efficient.  Sports aren't my thing, but that's a semi-decent way of doing it if you don't just want to park on the couch and watch three hours of sportsball.

Hula Hoop

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4003 on: November 29, 2017, 11:12:10 AM »
My father is into sports (mainly cricket and athletics and higher-level football, but he'll give most things a go) and he almost does the opposite in that he'll have the TV on and tuned to whatever match or fixture is going on, but have it muted. So he'll be cooking or reading or whatever, but the TV is silently going in the background. It's better than constant noise but I do find it oddly disconcerting.

My husband used to do that before we cut satellite TV.  He would watch basically any sport including darts, table football and curling. 

shelivesthedream

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4004 on: November 29, 2017, 11:18:28 AM »
My father is into sports (mainly cricket and athletics and higher-level football, but he'll give most things a go) and he almost does the opposite in that he'll have the TV on and tuned to whatever match or fixture is going on, but have it muted. So he'll be cooking or reading or whatever, but the TV is silently going in the background. It's better than constant noise but I do find it oddly disconcerting.
This I'd view as similar to checking the score of "the game" every half hour on your smartphone, except less polite/efficient.  Sports aren't my thing, but that's a semi-decent way of doing it if you don't just want to park on the couch and watch three hours of sportsball.

But...if you want to be updated on the score while the match is going on, why don't you watch it? Otherwise, why not wait til it's over to get the final score? As you can probably tell, I'm not into any form of sportsball. :)

ketchup

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4005 on: November 29, 2017, 11:54:04 AM »
My father is into sports (mainly cricket and athletics and higher-level football, but he'll give most things a go) and he almost does the opposite in that he'll have the TV on and tuned to whatever match or fixture is going on, but have it muted. So he'll be cooking or reading or whatever, but the TV is silently going in the background. It's better than constant noise but I do find it oddly disconcerting.
This I'd view as similar to checking the score of "the game" every half hour on your smartphone, except less polite/efficient.  Sports aren't my thing, but that's a semi-decent way of doing it if you don't just want to park on the couch and watch three hours of sportsball.

But...if you want to be updated on the score while the match is going on, why don't you watch it? Otherwise, why not wait til it's over to get the final score? As you can probably tell, I'm not into any form of sportsball. :)
I'm not defending the practice; I just know people do that.  Maybe so they can actually tune in and watch it if they can tell by the score that it's going to be particularly close/interesting?

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4006 on: November 29, 2017, 02:01:18 PM »
Sadly I have so little in common with my family that I look forward to the TV being on when there's the inevitable Christmas day get together. At least then they'll be sports on. Nothing against the people in my family it's just that I can get through all the small talk in 10 minutes before they start trying to get into the whole, "When will you grow up and let your mother pick you a women to marry so that you can pop out 2 or 3 kids before you get any older."

So... When do you plan to have kids?


<ack>

Oh boy, I can sympathize.  I grew up in an era and area where you had kids in your 20s.  I got married at 26, the same year my husband's sister got married.  They had kids right away.  Ahem.

I didn't really want kids, honestly.  It took a few years before the questions started...at one point, at 32, SIL took me aside and said "you know you aren't getting any younger".  Hubs had to call her later and say "YOU ARE  NOT HELPING!!"  I tend to dig in my heels when someone tells me what to do.  Ask my ex-boyfriend about that and a haircut.

The good thing is that I was almost 36 when I had my first kid, and by then everyone had given up and stopped bugging me!  It was a long 10 years in the meantime.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4007 on: November 29, 2017, 03:15:15 PM »
Sadly I have so little in common with my family that I look forward to the TV being on when there's the inevitable Christmas day get together. At least then they'll be sports on. Nothing against the people in my family it's just that I can get through all the small talk in 10 minutes before they start trying to get into the whole, "When will you grow up and let your mother pick you a women to marry so that you can pop out 2 or 3 kids before you get any older."

So... When do you plan to have kids?


<ack>

HAHA! Well that's the rub as I'm childfree and so don't plan on having any.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4008 on: November 29, 2017, 03:23:48 PM »
Sam, your mom needs to mind her own business. I have 3 adult kids and would never tell them what to do.  I am really amazed at the number of people on this forum who get told what to do by their parents.  I enjoy talking with my kids and how they live their lives is up to them.

Gotta keep in mind that my mom was raised in India so her trying to run her life is precisely what would constitute "her own business." In the culture she was brought up in I would be not be truly considered to be independent in the eyes of my parents/family until I am married. My parents are far better about this having lived in America for a few decades but attitudes remain.

I should add that my mom isn't the one bugging me to get an arranged marriage. She's told me the option is out there and when other family members bring up my lack of marriage she shrugs and says, "It is his life," and "If he wants to get an arranged marriage I'm happy to find him a wife but that's not what he wants."

For my aunts that bring up marriage and arranged marriage, to them that's like talking about the weather. For instance at a party they'll welcome me by literally saying, "Hey Sam, are you getting married soon?" And then will start asking if I have a girlfriend. If I do, they'll want details and pictures of her. If I don't, then they'll start asking about arranged married. As I just broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago I'm glad to not suffer through dinner with family this past week.

As to the point about getting them to mind their own business, easier said than done. My parents, siblings, and a few close family members are the ones I hang out with. I avoid going to most family parties as it ends up being more of this. That said, I do care about my family and want to stay in touch with all of them and so I do go to occasionally gatherings, especially weddings and celebrations.

AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4009 on: November 29, 2017, 07:39:39 PM »
@ MgoSam, I remember living in the Bay Area and having friends and friends of friends who were first generation US born whose parents & family were FAR less understanding than yours seem to be.  Arranged marriage most definitely occurs in the US.  At best it can be a highish pressure match making service, at worst....

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4010 on: November 29, 2017, 09:06:42 PM »
I remember that, when I was in undergraduate school in Alberta, one of my schoolmates was supporting herself by waitressing at a strip club because she had no family to live with in a high COL city while putting herself through school. She'd run away from her family in BC fleeing a forced marriage. It definitely happens in North America. All the time.

Goldielocks

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4011 on: November 29, 2017, 09:43:36 PM »
I remember that, when I was in undergraduate school in Alberta, one of my schoolmates was supporting herself by waitressing at a strip club because she had no family to live with in a high COL city while putting herself through school. She'd run away from her family in BC fleeing a forced marriage. It definitely happens in North America. All the time.

My Korean friend was given a choice from her father when she graduated high school with me (in Canada)...  Go to university or "come home" (to Korea) and he would find a husband for her.  She was 18, and chose university, but I think went home after 2 years because she really was not interested in the degree, just in not getting married.

Sun Hat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4012 on: November 30, 2017, 06:54:10 AM »
And then will start asking if I have a girlfriend. If I do, they'll want details and pictures of her. If I don't, then they'll start asking about arranged married. As I just broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago I'm glad to not suffer through dinner with family this past week.

I have a solution to keep the aunts busy. You can pretend to be dating me. Moms hate me (since I've always been plain about not wanting kids and am "strong willed"), and I tend to agree that I'm a terrible candidate for marriage/childrearing, so the aunts are sure to back off the marriage pressure.

By the River

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4013 on: November 30, 2017, 07:35:36 AM »
And then will start asking if I have a girlfriend. If I do, they'll want details and pictures of her. If I don't, then they'll start asking about arranged married. As I just broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago I'm glad to not suffer through dinner with family this past week.

I have a solution to keep the aunts busy. You can pretend to be dating me. Moms hate me (since I've always been plain about not wanting kids and am "strong willed"), and I tend to agree that I'm a terrible candidate for marriage/childrearing, so the aunts are sure to back off the marriage pressure.

But you are in Canada, so MgoSam's aunts will know its fake....
https://www.gq.com/story/fake-boyfriends-from-canada

LadyMuMu

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4014 on: November 30, 2017, 07:46:34 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.

iris lily

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4015 on: November 30, 2017, 07:55:13 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
Awww, I like it!

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4016 on: November 30, 2017, 08:10:06 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

kaypinkHH

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4017 on: November 30, 2017, 08:26:32 AM »
I would definitely watch this movie :D.

LadyMuMu

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4018 on: November 30, 2017, 08:59:47 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

OK, who is friends with Mindy Kaling? She would be the perfect producer/writer/director/star of this project!

Eludia

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4019 on: November 30, 2017, 09:48:00 AM »
I donít understand the television as background noise thing. I find it incredibly stressful to have that noise going. When I visited my SIL and they had the television going all the time I found myself hiding in the guest room to escape it.

Mr. SP fully retired 2 years ago.  I'm pretty much living in our den (with doors!)  to escape the damn TV being on all day.  The same things over, over, and over again.  He promises to turn it off, but like a moth to a flame, half an hour later it's on again. 

I'm slowly losing my mind.

I feel for you.  My MIL and FIL retired a couple years ago.  FIL's health is bad, he's got CHF, Diabetes, 1 kidney, and weighs 400lbs.  All they do is sit home and watch TV.  16 hours a day.  He's basically immobile and can only manage to walk a couple minutes before needing to sit and recover.

It is awful.  I like MIL and she wanted to do so much in retirement, instead she sits by FIL while he watches TV and sleeps all day.  She won't go anywhere because she has to take care of his every need. 

I can't imagine working your whole life and then just saying fuck it I'm sitting in front of this TV every day until I die.  There is a whole world out there of things to see and do!

AMandM

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4020 on: November 30, 2017, 10:12:39 AM »
My Korean friend was given a choice from her father when she graduated high school with me (in Canada)...  Go to university or "come home" (to Korea) and he would find a husband for her.  She was 18, and chose university, but I think went home after 2 years because she really was not interested in the degree, just in not getting married.

I had a Japanese classmate in university (back in the late 80s) who planned to return to Japan after graduation, where she would get a job as a secretary.  Her B.A. from a North American university would mean she'd be secretary to a high-up executive, not just some manager. Then her father would find her a husband.  I asked whether, having lived in Canada for a few years, she was happy with the idea of an arranged marriage.  She said, not at all.  Arranged marriage doesn't equal forced marriage; she would have the right to refuse any guy her father offered, and she thought her father would pick a better man than she would.  "I'd just go for whether he did stuff like buy me flowers, but my father will think about whether he'll support me ling-term and stick around."  We didn't stay in touch after graduation, so I don't know how it turned out.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4021 on: November 30, 2017, 11:30:40 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

OK, who is friends with Mindy Kaling? She would be the perfect producer/writer/director/star of this project!

We could write the script collaboratively. I've got a bit of a vicious knack with words and can do decent dialogue.

kaypinkHH

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4022 on: November 30, 2017, 11:33:44 AM »
I donít understand the television as background noise thing. I find it incredibly stressful to have that noise going. When I visited my SIL and they had the television going all the time I found myself hiding in the guest room to escape it.

Mr. SP fully retired 2 years ago.  I'm pretty much living in our den (with doors!)  to escape the damn TV being on all day.  The same things over, over, and over again.  He promises to turn it off, but like a moth to a flame, half an hour later it's on again. 

I'm slowly losing my mind.

I feel for you.  My MIL and FIL retired a couple years ago.  FIL's health is bad, he's got CHF, Diabetes, 1 kidney, and weighs 400lbs.  All they do is sit home and watch TV.  16 hours a day.  He's basically immobile and can only manage to walk a couple minutes before needing to sit and recover.

It is awful.  I like MIL and she wanted to do so much in retirement, instead she sits by FIL while he watches TV and sleeps all day.  She won't go anywhere because she has to take care of his every need. 

I can't imagine working your whole life and then just saying fuck it I'm sitting in front of this TV every day until I die.  There is a whole world out there of things to see and do!

^^^ You just described my FIL. He is basically mobile enough to go the grocery store to continue to buy horrible food for his health. MIL decided to work part time in retirement, which I think she really enjoys, but she is the one bringing in her "fun income", and then FIL decides he needs a brand new computer when his old one works perfectly fine. :(.

AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4023 on: November 30, 2017, 11:49:54 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

OK, who is friends with Mindy Kaling? She would be the perfect producer/writer/director/star of this project!

We could write the script collaboratively. I've got a bit of a vicious knack with words and can do decent dialogue.

For some reason I think one of the aunts needs to be a bank robber.  This would get us a big song and dance number within a bank and some bollywood physics during a getaway chase. 

shelivesthedream

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4024 on: November 30, 2017, 11:59:37 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

OK, who is friends with Mindy Kaling? She would be the perfect producer/writer/director/star of this project!

We could write the script collaboratively. I've got a bit of a vicious knack with words and can do decent dialogue.

For some reason I think one of the aunts needs to be a bank robber.  This would get us a big song and dance number within a bank and some bollywood physics during a getaway chase.

One of the aunts should be a baker specialising in super-extravagant wedding cakes, or maybe a high-end wedding caterer. There's a beautifully-shot dance scene with cooks and waiting staff swirling around each other in intricate patterns and culminating in a big pan out to the epic wedding she is cooking for. Probably one of the main characters works for her in some menial job in the evenings, so the aunt can pursue them round the kitchen berating and wheedling and the camera can follow them, weaving in and out of al the intense yet elegant cooking activity. And provides an excellent opportunity to move the story along in a "Look what a beautiful wedding you could have if you just got married!" dialogue-into-showbiz-number.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4025 on: November 30, 2017, 12:11:43 PM »
And at the end of the bank robbery chase scene someone can fall into a giant cake...?

Sun Hat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4026 on: November 30, 2017, 01:32:48 PM »
My future aunts-in-law sound fascinating! Between their moxie and MgoSam's description of his mom's cooking, I may want in to that family after all! Change of plan. Rather than a fake girlfriend to horrify the aunts, mark me down as a fake finacee to horrify the groom.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4027 on: November 30, 2017, 03:25:58 PM »
Some of this reminds me of Bend it like Beckham.

You make the movie, I guarantee I will buy a ticket.

ixtap

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4028 on: November 30, 2017, 04:28:01 PM »
Some of this reminds me of Bend it like Beckham.

You make the movie, I guarantee I will buy a ticket.

I will wait for Netflix, we are still on the MMM forums.

solon

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4029 on: November 30, 2017, 04:30:46 PM »
Some of this reminds me of Bend it like Beckham.

You make the movie, I guarantee I will buy a ticket.

I will wait for Netflix, we are still on the MMM forums.

You mean, you'll wait for it to come to the library, right?

Miss Piggy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4030 on: November 30, 2017, 07:22:11 PM »
I donít understand the television as background noise thing. I find it incredibly stressful to have that noise going. When I visited my SIL and they had the television going all the time I found myself hiding in the guest room to escape it.

Mr. SP fully retired 2 years ago.  I'm pretty much living in our den (with doors!)  to escape the damn TV being on all day.  The same things over, over, and over again.  He promises to turn it off, but like a moth to a flame, half an hour later it's on again. 

I'm slowly losing my mind.

I feel for you.  My MIL and FIL retired a couple years ago.  FIL's health is bad, he's got CHF, Diabetes, 1 kidney, and weighs 400lbs.  All they do is sit home and watch TV.  16 hours a day.  He's basically immobile and can only manage to walk a couple minutes before needing to sit and recover.

It is awful.  I like MIL and she wanted to do so much in retirement, instead she sits by FIL while he watches TV and sleeps all day.  She won't go anywhere because she has to take care of his every need. 

I can't imagine working your whole life and then just saying fuck it I'm sitting in front of this TV every day until I die.  There is a whole world out there of things to see and do!

Fuck that. I can't fathom that kind of enabling. Or that kind of life, if you can call it that.

ixtap

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4031 on: November 30, 2017, 07:43:13 PM »
Some of this reminds me of Bend it like Beckham.

You make the movie, I guarantee I will buy a ticket.

I will wait for Netflix, we are still on the MMM forums.

You mean, you'll wait for it to come to the library, right?

My library is not a hotbed of recent, undamaged DVDs. But we may be cancelling Netflix soon, too, so maybe there will be an MMM screening?

Back on topic. The in laws have been talking about downsizing. Having looked around, they have fallen in love with a house that is about 1.5x the square footage of their current home.

GilbertB

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4032 on: December 01, 2017, 12:44:06 AM »
Some of this reminds me of Bend it like Beckham.

You make the movie, I guarantee I will buy a ticket.

I will wait for Netflix, we are still on the MMM forums.

You mean, you'll wait for it to come to the library, right?

My library is not a hotbed of recent, undamaged DVDs. But we may be cancelling Netflix soon, too, so maybe there will be an MMM screening?

Back on topic. The in laws have been talking about downsizing. Having looked around, they have fallen in love with a house that is about 1.5x the square footage of their current home.
Negative downsizing?

(Math pun, sorry, wonít happen again)

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4033 on: December 01, 2017, 07:11:17 AM »
Some of this reminds me of Bend it like Beckham.

You make the movie, I guarantee I will buy a ticket.

I will wait for Netflix, we are still on the MMM forums.

You mean, you'll wait for it to come to the library, right?

My library is not a hotbed of recent, undamaged DVDs. But we may be cancelling Netflix soon, too, so maybe there will be an MMM screening?

Back on topic. The in laws have been talking about downsizing. Having looked around, they have fallen in love with a house that is about 1.5x the square footage of their current home.

Is it also more money?

Jouer

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4034 on: December 01, 2017, 07:45:30 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

That's the sequel, Zol.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4035 on: December 01, 2017, 08:16:36 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P
That's the sequel, Zol.

And, because of the disbelief, each of the young people's families decides to bring in a bunch of wildly unsuitable prospective matches. One of the young people's families decides that the problem is that their wayward child is gay, and in an attempt to be fully accepting of that, starts trying to match them up with people of the same gender.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4036 on: December 01, 2017, 09:24:42 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

OK, who is friends with Mindy Kaling? She would be the perfect producer/writer/director/star of this project!

We could write the script collaboratively. I've got a bit of a vicious knack with words and can do decent dialogue.

For some reason I think one of the aunts needs to be a bank robber.  This would get us a big song and dance number within a bank and some bollywood physics during a getaway chase.

One of the aunts should be a baker specialising in super-extravagant wedding cakes, or maybe a high-end wedding caterer. There's a beautifully-shot dance scene with cooks and waiting staff swirling around each other in intricate patterns and culminating in a big pan out to the epic wedding she is cooking for. Probably one of the main characters works for her in some menial job in the evenings, so the aunt can pursue them round the kitchen berating and wheedling and the camera can follow them, weaving in and out of al the intense yet elegant cooking activity. And provides an excellent opportunity to move the story along in a "Look what a beautiful wedding you could have if you just got married!" dialogue-into-showbiz-number.

The hardest thing about making a movie like this would be presenting the family and its traditions as being legitimate and appropriate. It would be very, very easy to turn the families into caricatures and cater to various stereotypes. That's one of the things that "My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding" and "Bend It Like Beckham" didn't do. Those movies were phenomenally successful in part *because* they were able to find humor in various situations while still being respectful of the family's culture.

Simply mocking an entire culture and traditional perspective is not effective script-writing so we'd have to avoid the temptation to do that.

We could have one character, or perhaps two, be over the top like the caterer/wedding planner/cake-decorating auntie or the career criminal relative. But the family tradition (including at least some of the meddling) has to be presented as legitimate and the people doing it have to be mostly sympathetic. There are arguments in favor of having more than one perspective on a suitor.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4037 on: December 01, 2017, 11:57:38 AM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

OK, who is friends with Mindy Kaling? She would be the perfect producer/writer/director/star of this project!

We could write the script collaboratively. I've got a bit of a vicious knack with words and can do decent dialogue.
You better get writing fast and publish before notorious Bollywood will steal your idea from MMM forums.
Just googled, and this online meetup version hasn't been made. Maybe some AOL IM with A/S/L to make it relevant for us oldies.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4038 on: December 01, 2017, 04:15:05 PM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

OK, who is friends with Mindy Kaling? She would be the perfect producer/writer/director/star of this project!

We could write the script collaboratively. I've got a bit of a vicious knack with words and can do decent dialogue.

For some reason I think one of the aunts needs to be a bank robber.  This would get us a big song and dance number within a bank and some bollywood physics during a getaway chase.

One of the aunts should be a baker specialising in super-extravagant wedding cakes, or maybe a high-end wedding caterer. There's a beautifully-shot dance scene with cooks and waiting staff swirling around each other in intricate patterns and culminating in a big pan out to the epic wedding she is cooking for. Probably one of the main characters works for her in some menial job in the evenings, so the aunt can pursue them round the kitchen berating and wheedling and the camera can follow them, weaving in and out of al the intense yet elegant cooking activity. And provides an excellent opportunity to move the story along in a "Look what a beautiful wedding you could have if you just got married!" dialogue-into-showbiz-number.

The hardest thing about making a movie like this would be presenting the family and its traditions as being legitimate and appropriate. It would be very, very easy to turn the families into caricatures and cater to various stereotypes. That's one of the things that "My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding" and "Bend It Like Beckham" didn't do. Those movies were phenomenally successful in part *because* they were able to find humor in various situations while still being respectful of the family's culture.

Simply mocking an entire culture and traditional perspective is not effective script-writing so we'd have to avoid the temptation to do that.

We could have one character, or perhaps two, be over the top like the caterer/wedding planner/cake-decorating auntie or the career criminal relative. But the family tradition (including at least some of the meddling) has to be presented as legitimate and the people doing it have to be mostly sympathetic. There are arguments in favor of having more than one perspective on a suitor.

I loved both of those films, and one which I think tried to do the same thing but didn't quite hit the mark was 'Bride and Prejudice'. Obviously it was based on an existing story, but there was something about it which was a bit laboured, despite a couple of excellent set pieces.

I had imagined the wedding caterer auntie would perhaps be the big glitzy opener which would immediately set up the "You should get married!" backstory and perhaps the main character would see/hear something or meet someone at the wedding which would precipitate the action of finding a fake fiance(e). It could, indeed, be the son/daughter of the wedding caterer auntie (hence why it is the biggest and bestest wedding in the world), and the cousin could confide something in the main character about either how much they wish they could just elope or about "Well, getting married is just what you do, isn't it?"

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4039 on: December 01, 2017, 04:23:02 PM »
I donít understand the television as background noise thing. I find it incredibly stressful to have that noise going. When I visited my SIL and they had the television going all the time I found myself hiding in the guest room to escape it.

Mr. SP fully retired 2 years ago.  I'm pretty much living in our den (with doors!)  to escape the damn TV being on all day.  The same things over, over, and over again.  He promises to turn it off, but like a moth to a flame, half an hour later it's on again. 

I'm slowly losing my mind.

I feel for you.  My MIL and FIL retired a couple years ago.  FIL's health is bad, he's got CHF, Diabetes, 1 kidney, and weighs 400lbs.  All they do is sit home and watch TV.  16 hours a day.  He's basically immobile and can only manage to walk a couple minutes before needing to sit and recover.

It is awful.  I like MIL and she wanted to do so much in retirement, instead she sits by FIL while he watches TV and sleeps all day.  She won't go anywhere because she has to take care of his every need. 

I can't imagine working your whole life and then just saying fuck it I'm sitting in front of this TV every day until I die.  There is a whole world out there of things to see and do!

Oh no, my future won't be sitting by Mr. SP while he watches TV and sleeps.  I have no intention of catering to his every need at my expense.  I have let this go on far too long as it is, because I thought he needed time to recover from a toxic work environment.  Time's up.  Conversations have started, and I'm confident there will be changes in the new year.

I feel very sorry your MIL's life is so restricted because of your FIL.  I do not want her story to ever become my story.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4040 on: December 01, 2017, 04:34:14 PM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

OK, who is friends with Mindy Kaling? She would be the perfect producer/writer/director/star of this project!

We could write the script collaboratively. I've got a bit of a vicious knack with words and can do decent dialogue.

For some reason I think one of the aunts needs to be a bank robber.  This would get us a big song and dance number within a bank and some bollywood physics during a getaway chase.

One of the aunts should be a baker specialising in super-extravagant wedding cakes, or maybe a high-end wedding caterer. There's a beautifully-shot dance scene with cooks and waiting staff swirling around each other in intricate patterns and culminating in a big pan out to the epic wedding she is cooking for. Probably one of the main characters works for her in some menial job in the evenings, so the aunt can pursue them round the kitchen berating and wheedling and the camera can follow them, weaving in and out of al the intense yet elegant cooking activity. And provides an excellent opportunity to move the story along in a "Look what a beautiful wedding you could have if you just got married!" dialogue-into-showbiz-number.

The hardest thing about making a movie like this would be presenting the family and its traditions as being legitimate and appropriate. It would be very, very easy to turn the families into caricatures and cater to various stereotypes. That's one of the things that "My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding" and "Bend It Like Beckham" didn't do. Those movies were phenomenally successful in part *because* they were able to find humor in various situations while still being respectful of the family's culture.

Simply mocking an entire culture and traditional perspective is not effective script-writing so we'd have to avoid the temptation to do that.

We could have one character, or perhaps two, be over the top like the caterer/wedding planner/cake-decorating auntie or the career criminal relative. But the family tradition (including at least some of the meddling) has to be presented as legitimate and the people doing it have to be mostly sympathetic. There are arguments in favor of having more than one perspective on a suitor.

I loved both of those films, and one which I think tried to do the same thing but didn't quite hit the mark was 'Bride and Prejudice'. Obviously it was based on an existing story, but there was something about it which was a bit laboured, despite a couple of excellent set pieces.

I had imagined the wedding caterer auntie would perhaps be the big glitzy opener which would immediately set up the "You should get married!" backstory and perhaps the main character would see/hear something or meet someone at the wedding which would precipitate the action of finding a fake fiance(e). It could, indeed, be the son/daughter of the wedding caterer auntie (hence why it is the biggest and bestest wedding in the world), and the cousin could confide something in the main character about either how much they wish they could just elope or about "Well, getting married is just what you do, isn't it?"

A scene that exaggerated has to be built up to, because otherwise it's just going to be a caricature of what's got to be a fairly offensive stereotype. I wouldn't open with it.

The only way to do a scene like that would be to introduce the family, caterer auntie and all, and humanize her first. After doing that, an overblown reception of some kind could be quite funny near the end of the first act. I'm imagining a scene shot from above, with a bunch of circular tables and a set of wait staff spinning, turning, and moving together like a bunch of tray-toting synchronized swimmers.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4041 on: December 01, 2017, 05:05:23 PM »
So now I'm thinking there is an amazing RomCom in this. Two Indian singles meet online, exchange photos, and plan to be each other's fake girlfriend/boyfriend for the holidays for the inquiring moms and aunties. After many hijinks, they actually meet and fall in love. The end.
And how about this: they each admit to their families, after the holidays are over, that the relationship was fake.  Then, once the relationship blossoms, they have to explain to their families a few weeks later that it isn't fake any more, and now their families won't believe them! :P

OK, who is friends with Mindy Kaling? She would be the perfect producer/writer/director/star of this project!

We could write the script collaboratively. I've got a bit of a vicious knack with words and can do decent dialogue.

For some reason I think one of the aunts needs to be a bank robber.  This would get us a big song and dance number within a bank and some bollywood physics during a getaway chase.

One of the aunts should be a baker specialising in super-extravagant wedding cakes, or maybe a high-end wedding caterer. There's a beautifully-shot dance scene with cooks and waiting staff swirling around each other in intricate patterns and culminating in a big pan out to the epic wedding she is cooking for. Probably one of the main characters works for her in some menial job in the evenings, so the aunt can pursue them round the kitchen berating and wheedling and the camera can follow them, weaving in and out of al the intense yet elegant cooking activity. And provides an excellent opportunity to move the story along in a "Look what a beautiful wedding you could have if you just got married!" dialogue-into-showbiz-number.

The hardest thing about making a movie like this would be presenting the family and its traditions as being legitimate and appropriate. It would be very, very easy to turn the families into caricatures and cater to various stereotypes. That's one of the things that "My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding" and "Bend It Like Beckham" didn't do. Those movies were phenomenally successful in part *because* they were able to find humor in various situations while still being respectful of the family's culture.

Simply mocking an entire culture and traditional perspective is not effective script-writing so we'd have to avoid the temptation to do that.

We could have one character, or perhaps two, be over the top like the caterer/wedding planner/cake-decorating auntie or the career criminal relative. But the family tradition (including at least some of the meddling) has to be presented as legitimate and the people doing it have to be mostly sympathetic. There are arguments in favor of having more than one perspective on a suitor.

I loved both of those films, and one which I think tried to do the same thing but didn't quite hit the mark was 'Bride and Prejudice'. Obviously it was based on an existing story, but there was something about it which was a bit laboured, despite a couple of excellent set pieces.

I had imagined the wedding caterer auntie would perhaps be the big glitzy opener which would immediately set up the "You should get married!" backstory and perhaps the main character would see/hear something or meet someone at the wedding which would precipitate the action of finding a fake fiance(e). It could, indeed, be the son/daughter of the wedding caterer auntie (hence why it is the biggest and bestest wedding in the world), and the cousin could confide something in the main character about either how much they wish they could just elope or about "Well, getting married is just what you do, isn't it?"

A scene that exaggerated has to be built up to, because otherwise it's just going to be a caricature of what's got to be a fairly offensive stereotype. I wouldn't open with it.

The only way to do a scene like that would be to introduce the family, caterer auntie and all, and humanize her first. After doing that, an overblown reception of some kind could be quite funny near the end of the first act. I'm imagining a scene shot from above, with a bunch of circular tables and a set of wait staff spinning, turning, and moving together like a bunch of tray-toting synchronized swimmers.

Excellent point! I tend to get carried away with my first, big idea. And I love a big, glitzy dance sequence (you described exactly what I was imagining!). My day job is visual arty stuff. Clearly the bits that will look good are the most important bits of the film and should therefore come first :)

Perhaps, then, the opening scene is the cousin announcing their engagement, or the female cousin talking about how she hopes her boyfriend is going to propose soon. And the precipitating event could be the main character being invited to their mega-wedding and not having a plus one, or saying "GoodFriend will be my plus one" and the cousin saying "Oh, but as you're not dating anyone we didn't think you'd want to bring one... I'm sorry, we're already at the venue max". Somehow, for hand-wavy backstory-makes-it-make-sense reasons, they decide to get a fake fiancť to bring as their plus one, but the first time they meet is the day of the cousin's wedding to end all weddings. Interesting to wonder whether it would make a better film for the family to love the new fiancť and be devastated when they "call off the engagement" or to dislike them and urge the main character to break up with them which leads the main character to carry on seeing them. I think the former would be more fun, but harder to work out a good ending.

Should we, er, start an Off Topic thread for this?! I'm loving it but am aware that some people may only be interested in relatives who just don't get it... But I'd love to carry on working it out!

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4042 on: December 02, 2017, 01:39:23 AM »
My Korean friend was given a choice from her father when she graduated high school with me (in Canada)...  Go to university or "come home" (to Korea) and he would find a husband for her.  She was 18, and chose university, but I think went home after 2 years because she really was not interested in the degree, just in not getting married.

I had a Japanese classmate in university (back in the late 80s) who planned to return to Japan after graduation, where she would get a job as a secretary.  Her B.A. from a North American university would mean she'd be secretary to a high-up executive, not just some manager. Then her father would find her a husband.  I asked whether, having lived in Canada for a few years, she was happy with the idea of an arranged marriage.  She said, not at all.  Arranged marriage doesn't equal forced marriage; she would have the right to refuse any guy her father offered, and she thought her father would pick a better man than she would.  "I'd just go for whether he did stuff like buy me flowers, but my father will think about whether he'll support me ling-term and stick around."  We didn't stay in touch after graduation, so I don't know how it turned out.

Is that what you meant? Or you asked if she was unhappy and she said not at all?

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4043 on: December 02, 2017, 10:26:39 AM »
It's fascinating to think about what sort of partner your parents would pick for you, if they had to try to arrange a successful marriage, isn't it?

I think my parents would have had a hard time agreeing. My mom would probably want a someone who was very educated, polished, and professional (maybe an accountant or engineer or something). My dad's pick would probably be someone more practical with some useful skills, like a trades guy who owned his own business and could fix things (and build me a tiny house).

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4044 on: December 03, 2017, 07:42:06 PM »
I donít understand the television as background noise thing. I find it incredibly stressful to have that noise going. When I visited my SIL and they had the television going all the time I found myself hiding in the guest room to escape it.

My former housemate is one of those people who can't stand silence and needs to have the TV on all the time. That's one of the reasons she's my *former* housemate.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4045 on: December 03, 2017, 10:20:32 PM »
I donít understand the television as background noise thing. I find it incredibly stressful to have that noise going. When I visited my SIL and they had the television going all the time I found myself hiding in the guest room to escape it.

My former housemate is one of those people who can't stand silence and needs to have the TV on all the time. That's one of the reasons she's my *former* housemate.

My former roommate had 4TVs on different channels, but sound off.  Stereo FM radio on unrelated station (. ie, not simulcast).

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4046 on: December 04, 2017, 11:30:32 AM »
It's fascinating to think about what sort of partner your parents would pick for you, if they had to try to arrange a successful marriage, isn't it?

I think my parents would have had a hard time agreeing. My mom would probably want a someone who was very educated, polished, and professional (maybe an accountant or engineer or something). My dad's pick would probably be someone more practical with some useful skills, like a trades guy who owned his own business and could fix things (and build me a tiny house).

My parents would have picked someone just like them and that would have never lasted - when I grew up, I moved out. ;)

My sibling married a carbon copy of my parents and that one is well loved by my parents. I enjoy a visit with my sibling and S.O. but can't imagine living with them.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4047 on: December 04, 2017, 02:58:19 PM »
Assorted recent familial silliness:

My SIL posted on FB about her 2-year anniversary with her expensive bought-new car last week (calling the car the "love of her life"). Today, she posts about buying a brand new SUV because she "needs more space." Note: she is a single and has a small dog.

My parents bought a boat that they keep at a marina 45 minutes from their house. They almost never take the boat out of the slip, but got sit in the cockpit and drink cocktails.


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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4048 on: December 04, 2017, 03:03:20 PM »
Assorted recent familial silliness:

My SIL posted on FB about her 2-year anniversary with her expensive bought-new car last week (calling the car the "love of her life"). Today, she posts about buying a brand new SUV because she "needs more space." Note: she is a single and has a small dog.

My parents bought a boat that they keep at a marina 45 minutes from their house. They almost never take the boat out of the slip, but got sit in the cockpit and drink cocktails.

This is how the vast majority of boats are used. A few people here have smaller boats that they store on a trailer and put in the water when they want to go somewhere. Some of them leave the dock twice a year, once for fourth of July, and once for Christmas lights. Many never leave, then they can't leave because the engines haven't been run.

wordnerd

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #4049 on: December 04, 2017, 03:07:50 PM »
Assorted recent familial silliness:

My SIL posted on FB about her 2-year anniversary with her expensive bought-new car last week (calling the car the "love of her life"). Today, she posts about buying a brand new SUV because she "needs more space." Note: she is a single and has a small dog.

My parents bought a boat that they keep at a marina 45 minutes from their house. They almost never take the boat out of the slip, but got sit in the cockpit and drink cocktails.

This is how the vast majority of boats are used. A few people here have smaller boats that they store on a trailer and put in the water when they want to go somewhere. Some of them leave the dock twice a year, once for fourth of July, and once for Christmas lights. Many never leave, then they can't leave because the engines haven't been run.

My parents have a bad enough restaurant habit, but it would definitely be cheaper for them to go to a waterfront restaurant for drinks every other weekend. My parents make consistently bad decisions with money, though, so I'm not surprised.