Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 1548675 times)

merula

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2700 on: March 21, 2017, 10:31:44 AM »
I have a few boxes in the back of a closet that I think of as my "get rid of when Mom dies" boxes. Yes, I'm morbid, but it helps me not pull my hair out that I can't get rid of them now without causing needless drama.

My mother is in very good health and should live another 30+ years.

AMandM

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2701 on: March 21, 2017, 11:23:53 AM »
Thankfully my daughter only has 4-5 of these, and always says "oh great, another Barbie that I can't even play with"...

I'd just let her play with them.

gaja

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2702 on: March 21, 2017, 03:06:46 PM »
Gifts like that fall in the category "I think this should live in your house, mum. Or maybe the summer house? It is much safer than having it in our house, and it is so much fun for the kids to have something they can look forward to seeing or playing with when they visit you. You know, that special grandparent toy they will always remember."

Shalamar

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2703 on: March 21, 2017, 09:15:12 PM »
My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Miss Piggy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2704 on: March 22, 2017, 05:17:04 AM »
My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Crap. Then I guess next spring, I need to replace my 2014 vehicle, which is now one payment away from payoff. (No facepunches, please...it replaced a 13 year old car, and I took the financing only because it was 0%, so why the hell not?)

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2705 on: March 22, 2017, 06:31:42 AM »
Do what one of my coworkers did - replace a two year old car (purchased new) with the same car in a different color (purchased new). Keeps the economy rolling for the rest of us...

cheapass

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2706 on: March 22, 2017, 08:02:21 AM »
My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Baaaaahahaha. Gotta spend that money before the expiration date, you don't want it to go bad! Good thing there's nothing else you can possibly do with money besides spend it. That makes the decision easy!
« Last Edit: March 22, 2017, 01:34:09 PM by cheapass »

AMandM

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2707 on: March 22, 2017, 11:36:54 AM »
My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Huh, and here I thought Christmas was the time of year you were supposed to spend money!

dandarc

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2708 on: March 22, 2017, 12:00:10 PM »
My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Huh, and here I thought Christmas was the time of year you were supposed to spend money!
I think it is kind of like when Barney Stinson says he smokes.

Spiffy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2709 on: March 22, 2017, 12:02:05 PM »
My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Huh, and here I thought Christmas was the time of year you were supposed to spend money!
Last week a coworker asked me if I had started my Easter shopping yet. My response: I don't understand the question. 

RWD

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2710 on: March 22, 2017, 12:10:35 PM »
We were talking about our expenses and my father-in-law commented that he could have retired years ago if they could get their annual spending down to $30k. He "gets it", but he keeps working because of my [retired] mother-in-law's spending habits. Their ~4,000 sq ft house is stuffed full of useless decorative items. I don't envy their eventual move. She tells us about all the different restaurants in their city that are "to die for". Every problem needs a solution and most her solutions involve buying things. She's always trying to gift us more stuff. It's great that she is so generous, but it's one of the reasons my father-in-law has to drive a commute he hates to go to a job he hates every day.

Compared to a lot of people my in-laws are not that bad. Their house is paid off and they have significant investment assets + pension + social security. I just wish he would retire already...

Ann

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2711 on: March 22, 2017, 01:28:48 PM »
Last week a coworker asked me if I had started my Easter shopping yet. My response: I don't understand the question.

I really don't understand the question, either!  I don't think that's normal for even the average consumer. 

I mean, I do indulge in Easter candy.  I suppose my family used to have a Sunday lunch on Easter, so maybe buying ham and other food stuffs for a big meal?  My parents made a one-time purchase of Easter baskets that we re-used every year.  We had those plastic eggs, but re-used those too (they might have replaced some occasionally).

What's "Easter shopping"?!?

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2712 on: March 22, 2017, 01:34:52 PM »
You reused a basket? Yuk. And no buying those personalised Easter cards for every person in your life just in case they don't understand the relationship (Happy Easter Mother; Happy Easter Girlfriend; Happy Easter Daughter)? That's before we even get to buying each family member's body weight in chocolate.

patchyfacialhair

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2713 on: March 22, 2017, 01:39:07 PM »
As a growing boy, it was not uncommon to get 2 pairs of shoes per year and 2 "nice" outfits (button down shirt, new pants). 1 before school starts in September, and 1 right before Easter. Fresh for first day of school and for Easter church festivities...

Maybe that's what this person means? New outfits for the family as a routine around that time of year?

Just being a devil's advocate.

Inaya

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2714 on: March 22, 2017, 02:44:50 PM »
My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Huh, and here I thought Christmas was the time of year you were supposed to spend money!
Last week a coworker asked me if I had started my Easter shopping yet. My response: I don't understand the question.
My Easter shopping starts the day after Easter. Mmmm Reese's Eggs.

Miss Piggy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2715 on: March 22, 2017, 02:57:25 PM »
My Easter shopping starts the day after Easter. Mmmm Reese's Eggs.

These are God's gift to Easter.   (Wait...they are, aren't they?)

Ann

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2716 on: March 22, 2017, 03:05:25 PM »
You reused a basket? Yuk.

Wait.  What? 

Yeah.  We re-used the woven Easter egg baskets for egg hunts.  The candy, of course, was long since eaten.

What did you think I meant? 

paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2717 on: March 22, 2017, 03:25:15 PM »
Hoarding is an illness and really sad.  My wonderful MIL had this and when she died unexpectedly we had to get rid of stuff, etc.  That is usually what happens unless it is so bad the property gets condemned. Hers was not that bad so we were able to sell it once it was cleaned up.   Even if you emptied a home unless the underlying disorder is treated then they would just fill it back up.

We just lost two elderly residents of a nearby city. They called in to report an unidentifiable smell of smoke on the second floor of the home. The fire crews arrived promptly, but the place was an unnavigable hoarding disaster, and too full of smoke from the smoldering contents to find anybody inside. By the time the firefighters located the two victims, it was too late.

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2718 on: March 22, 2017, 03:50:00 PM »
You reused a basket? Yuk. And no buying those personalised Easter cards for every person in your life just in case they don't understand the relationship (Happy Easter Mother; Happy Easter Girlfriend; Happy Easter Daughter)? That's before we even get to buying each family member's body weight in chocolate.

And make sure your baskets, cards and candy are the right brands...

Dave1442397

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2719 on: March 22, 2017, 03:53:00 PM »
I'm heading to my local British candy store for some half-price Easter eggs on April 17th.


kayvent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2720 on: March 22, 2017, 08:06:54 PM »
My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Huh, and here I thought Christmas was the time of year you were supposed to spend money!
Last week a coworker asked me if I had started my Easter shopping yet. My response: I don't understand the question.

Last year, maybe the year prior, my daughter asked me how much she was getting for Easter.....I looked at her dumbfounded and explained that Easter is not a present giving holiday. Easter is the only holiday I observe. Apparently it is quite common for people to go shopping and buy presents and toys on top of the chocolate.

Jesstache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2721 on: March 22, 2017, 10:59:30 PM »
I don't like giving my kids tons of candy and they never eat half of it anyways so i try to get them something they will need.  For Easter this year it's swim suits, flip flops and beach towels... and a thing of egg shaped sidewalk chalk.  Throw in a couple of chocolate bunnies and I'm calling it good.  Two birds, one stone! 

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2722 on: March 23, 2017, 01:56:40 AM »
You reused a basket? Yuk.
Wait.  What? 
Yeah.  We re-used the woven Easter egg baskets for egg hunts.  The candy, of course, was long since eaten.
What did you think I meant?

Sorry, sarcasm, British, genetic condition.

You are not yucky, you are great. People going shopping-crazy due to Easter marketing with money they don't have are the problem.

Ann

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2723 on: March 23, 2017, 02:28:11 AM »
You reused a basket? Yuk.
Wait.  What? 
Yeah.  We re-used the woven Easter egg baskets for egg hunts.  The candy, of course, was long since eaten.
What did you think I meant?

Sorry, sarcasm, British, genetic condition.

You are not yucky, you are great. People going shopping-crazy due to Easter marketing with money they don't have are the problem.

No, my bad!  I hadn't gotten much sleep.   I re-read your post and it your true intent seemed much more obvious to me now. But on the bright side I learned how to post pictures!

paddedhat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2724 on: March 23, 2017, 08:27:40 AM »
Speaking of Easter humor, twisted or other, I just asked my 25 YO daughter if she remembered the case of the relabeled Easter baskets? Apparently, it wasn't permanently traumatic, since she had forgotten. Many moons ago, our 6&8 YO children bound down the staircase at crack of dawn on Easter Sunday. They made a beeline toward two baskets. The labels on the baskets had "John" and "Mary" vigorously crossed out, with our kid's names written under. My son asked why? I told him that the Easter bunny has very strict requirements for children's behavior, and obviously, John and Mary were bad enough to lose their baskets. My son was slack jawed and pie eyed. My wife wasn't impressed. She was teaching older elementary schoolers at the time, and most of her female colleagues were horrified. I recommended that they have a group therapy session devoted to getting their panties unbunched. It still makes me smile, and my daughter now thinks it's pretty funny.

Carless

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2725 on: March 23, 2017, 12:16:27 PM »
Speaking of easter trauma, one year my mother had a friend over for dinner, which was rabbit.  As we were eating, the guest leans over to (child) me, and says "maybe it's the easter bunny".

Try and guess about how well that went down.

MrsWhipple

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2726 on: March 23, 2017, 02:48:27 PM »
My Easter shopping starts the day after Easter. Mmmm Reese's Eggs.
Heck yes! Day after shopping is the only shopping I enjoy... 75% off chocolate everything, mmmm mmmm. Did you know they have Twix chocolate eggs now? TWIX?! I fkin love Twix :D

shelivesthedream

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2727 on: March 23, 2017, 03:57:08 PM »
My co-worker's retired parents just traded up their perfectly nice 2013 vehicle for another 2013 vehicle, except this one is "fully loaded".    Co-worker:   "Well, it's spring.    Gotta buy SOMETHING."

Huh, and here I thought Christmas was the time of year you were supposed to spend money!
Last week a coworker asked me if I had started my Easter shopping yet. My response: I don't understand the question.

Last year, maybe the year prior, my daughter asked me how much she was getting for Easter.....I looked at her dumbfounded and explained that Easter is not a present giving holiday. Easter is the only holiday I observe. Apparently it is quite common for people to go shopping and buy presents and toys on top of the chocolate.

I am so fed up of "present-giving" holidays. But it is so hard to get out of them completely. Obviously in December it was Christmas, then my mother's birthday is in February, and now it's Mother's Day on Sunday. WTF am I supposed to get her that she could possibly want that she doesn't already have? Rinse and repeat for the next thirty years. That's ninety shitty future presents I have to buy. But my mother will care if I don't get her anything and she will remember and be hurt if I buy her the same thing every year. I try to buy consumables so they won't add to the drifts of crap in the house already, but at some point about five years ago I ran out of ideas and of fuck-giving-ness. I have giving presents, I hate getting presents, I hate the whole idea of presents. It's not a present if it's for a "present-giving holiday", it's just a piece of obligatory crap. It's not thoughtful, no matter what it is. You bought it because you have to buy something because that time of the calendar has rolled around again. The exchange of material goods at set times is a fucking ridiculous thing to do in this day and age, and it drives me ballistic that it's accelerating. Valentines day chocolates for teachers, wedding registries for people who already have two adult households to merge, "Here, have a present every year because you gave birth to me one time". And especially the idea of "Here, have some piece of crap that you don't want (because if you did you'd have bought it yourself) but you'll have to keep forever because for some reason getting rid of it will symbolise getting rid of our relationship, much as me going out and spending twenty quid on this thing and a piece of folded card to go with it symbolises the fact that I care about you - but just saying that would apparently not be caring enough so I have to divest myself of money to burden you with this piece of crap too".

/rant

Linda_Norway

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2728 on: March 24, 2017, 01:47:38 AM »

I am so fed up of "present-giving" holidays. But it is so hard to get out of them completely. Obviously in December it was Christmas, then my mother's birthday is in February, and now it's Mother's Day on Sunday. WTF am I supposed to get her that she could possibly want that she doesn't already have? Rinse and repeat for the next thirty years. That's ninety shitty future presents I have to buy. But my mother will care if I don't get her anything and she will remember and be hurt if I buy her the same thing every year. I try to buy consumables so they won't add to the drifts of crap in the house already, but at some point about five years ago I ran out of ideas and of fuck-giving-ness. I have giving presents, I hate getting presents, I hate the whole idea of presents. It's not a present if it's for a "present-giving holiday", it's just a piece of obligatory crap. It's not thoughtful, no matter what it is. You bought it because you have to buy something because that time of the calendar has rolled around again. The exchange of material goods at set times is a fucking ridiculous thing to do in this day and age, and it drives me ballistic that it's accelerating. Valentines day chocolates for teachers, wedding registries for people who already have two adult households to merge, "Here, have a present every year because you gave birth to me one time". And especially the idea of "Here, have some piece of crap that you don't want (because if you did you'd have bought it yourself) but you'll have to keep forever because for some reason getting rid of it will symbolise getting rid of our relationship, much as me going out and spending twenty quid on this thing and a piece of folded card to go with it symbolises the fact that I care about you - but just saying that would apparently not be caring enough so I have to divest myself of money to burden you with this piece of crap too".

/rant

Most years I send my mother a nice flower bouquet. As a live in another country, I order it only and have it delivered at her house. She seems to appreciate this. At least the flowers are nice to look at, but won't fill up her house in the long run.

I personally prefer to receive things like a Kindle book or a bottle of wine. Those are items that will be appreciated and consumed and don't add up as clutter in the house. Not all my friends and family have understood this, though, and still give me stuff that I don't need. Especially my FIL who likes to give me paper books, while I have asked him several times to give me Kindle books instead.

Abundant life

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2729 on: March 24, 2017, 04:39:54 AM »
Quote
"Here, have a present every year because you gave birth to me one time". And especially the idea of "Here, have some piece of crap that you don't want (because if you did you'd have bought it yourself) but you'll have to keep forever because for some reason getting rid of it will symbolise getting rid of our relationship, much as me going out and spending twenty quid on this thing and a piece of folded card to go with it symbolises the fact that I care about you - but just saying that would apparently not be caring enough so I have to divest myself of money to burden you with this piece of crap too".
I have two cards from my sons, one from 15 years ago, the other from about 10 years ago. I've kept them because that's all I've got that expresses any sort of sentiment from them. I'm not a useless gift sort of person and I have every material thing I need, but a bit of vocally expressed care would be much appreciated, and if they can't do that, a card would be a nice second.

Paul der Krake

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2730 on: March 24, 2017, 09:00:00 AM »
I am so fed up of "present-giving" holidays. But it is so hard to get out of them completely. Obviously in December it was Christmas, then my mother's birthday is in February, and now it's Mother's Day on Sunday. WTF am I supposed to get her that she could possibly want that she doesn't already have? Rinse and repeat for the next thirty years. That's ninety shitty future presents I have to buy. But my mother will care if I don't get her anything and she will remember and be hurt if I buy her the same thing every year. I try to buy consumables so they won't add to the drifts of crap in the house already, but at some point about five years ago I ran out of ideas and of fuck-giving-ness. I have giving presents, I hate getting presents, I hate the whole idea of presents. It's not a present if it's for a "present-giving holiday", it's just a piece of obligatory crap. It's not thoughtful, no matter what it is. You bought it because you have to buy something because that time of the calendar has rolled around again. The exchange of material goods at set times is a fucking ridiculous thing to do in this day and age, and it drives me ballistic that it's accelerating. Valentines day chocolates for teachers, wedding registries for people who already have two adult households to merge, "Here, have a present every year because you gave birth to me one time". And especially the idea of "Here, have some piece of crap that you don't want (because if you did you'd have bought it yourself) but you'll have to keep forever because for some reason getting rid of it will symbolise getting rid of our relationship, much as me going out and spending twenty quid on this thing and a piece of folded card to go with it symbolises the fact that I care about you - but just saying that would apparently not be caring enough so I have to divest myself of money to burden you with this piece of crap too".

/rant
Could be worse. Some people have two mothers.

Kitsune

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2731 on: March 24, 2017, 10:57:10 AM »
Oh, gawd, the push for 'easter baskets', filled with tiny crappy toys that you just KNOW have sharp corners and are going to stay on the floor and be stepped on by parents at 1am, no doubt (*grumble, grumble*)

No. Nonono. No.

I think we might wind up spending 50$ total for Easter this year... 10$ for chocolate eggs for a property-wide egg hunt for the kids, 10$ for decorating supplies (aka: mostly craft supplies for the kids to have fun with in the prior month... garlands? Tissue paper eggs hung in the windows like stained glass? Bring it on, sure, have fun!), and ingredients for an extended family brunch. It's what we did last year, it was super fun, everyone loved it, and no one had to actually keep or store anything afterwards.

This whole 'turn every holiday into a present-giving holiday' thing is nonsense. I don't WANT my kids receiving 10$ items to forget to put away every few weeks. High-quality open-the-imagination toys at Christmas and birthdays, sure, but not 15 different things every year! (That said, if you give my kids clutter, at least give me wine so I can deal with it appropriately! ;) )

starjay

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2732 on: March 24, 2017, 12:56:43 PM »
Speaking of Easter humor, twisted or other, I just asked my 25 YO daughter if she remembered the case of the relabeled Easter baskets? Apparently, it wasn't permanently traumatic, since she had forgotten. Many moons ago, our 6&8 YO children bound down the staircase at crack of dawn on Easter Sunday. They made a beeline toward two baskets. The labels on the baskets had "John" and "Mary" vigorously crossed out, with our kid's names written under. My son asked why? I told him that the Easter bunny has very strict requirements for children's behavior, and obviously, John and Mary were bad enough to lose their baskets. My son was slack jawed and pie eyed. My wife wasn't impressed. She was teaching older elementary schoolers at the time, and most of her female colleagues were horrified. I recommended that they have a group therapy session devoted to getting their panties unbunched. It still makes me smile, and my daughter now thinks it's pretty funny.

I just cackled. I love this!

One of my uncles introduced the concept of Repo Elves when I was a kid; if you were rotten in the week(s) following Christmas, they'd take your gifts back. I still think this is brilliant on his part.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2733 on: March 24, 2017, 01:04:05 PM »
Speaking of Easter humor, twisted or other, I just asked my 25 YO daughter if she remembered the case of the relabeled Easter baskets? Apparently, it wasn't permanently traumatic, since she had forgotten. Many moons ago, our 6&8 YO children bound down the staircase at crack of dawn on Easter Sunday. They made a beeline toward two baskets. The labels on the baskets had "John" and "Mary" vigorously crossed out, with our kid's names written under. My son asked why? I told him that the Easter bunny has very strict requirements for children's behavior, and obviously, John and Mary were bad enough to lose their baskets. My son was slack jawed and pie eyed. My wife wasn't impressed. She was teaching older elementary schoolers at the time, and most of her female colleagues were horrified. I recommended that they have a group therapy session devoted to getting their panties unbunched. It still makes me smile, and my daughter now thinks it's pretty funny.

I just cackled. I love this!

One of my uncles introduced the concept of Repo Elves when I was a kid; if you were rotten in the week(s) following Christmas, they'd take your gifts back. I still think this is brilliant on his part.

With the Elf on the Shelf providing surveillance?

starjay

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2734 on: March 24, 2017, 01:19:18 PM »
Speaking of Easter humor, twisted or other, I just asked my 25 YO daughter if she remembered the case of the relabeled Easter baskets? Apparently, it wasn't permanently traumatic, since she had forgotten. Many moons ago, our 6&8 YO children bound down the staircase at crack of dawn on Easter Sunday. They made a beeline toward two baskets. The labels on the baskets had "John" and "Mary" vigorously crossed out, with our kid's names written under. My son asked why? I told him that the Easter bunny has very strict requirements for children's behavior, and obviously, John and Mary were bad enough to lose their baskets. My son was slack jawed and pie eyed. My wife wasn't impressed. She was teaching older elementary schoolers at the time, and most of her female colleagues were horrified. I recommended that they have a group therapy session devoted to getting their panties unbunched. It still makes me smile, and my daughter now thinks it's pretty funny.

I just cackled. I love this!

One of my uncles introduced the concept of Repo Elves when I was a kid; if you were rotten in the week(s) following Christmas, they'd take your gifts back. I still think this is brilliant on his part.

With the Elf on the Shelf providing surveillance?

Ha! I forgot about the Elf on the Shelf.  He'd totally help the Repo Elves know when to come take the toys back, I'm sure. Wait, is he even around after Christmas? I don't know how he's supposed to work; I just see ridiculous photos posted by friends on social media around the holidays.

ms

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2735 on: March 27, 2017, 06:57:39 AM »
And frankly: my parents habit of completely and utterly disregarding any boundaries or necessary respect for people who are financially dependant on them is why I, at 22, made the choice to live on 20$/week of groceries, and put THAT on a credit card and pay credit card interest rates for 6 months until I could afford it, rather than ask my parents (who were bringing in a half-million a year) for a few hundred dollars to get me through. Sometimes, 20% interest is cheaper than the bullshit you'll have to swallow if you don't pay it. I love my parents, but man, never again will I be in that position.

I have also learned in my early 20s that it's cheaper to pay for a cash advance on a credit card than to deal with the bs from my parents. An excellent lesson.

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2736 on: March 27, 2017, 08:23:49 AM »
And frankly: my parents habit of completely and utterly disregarding any boundaries or necessary respect for people who are financially dependant on them is why I, at 22, made the choice to live on 20$/week of groceries, and put THAT on a credit card and pay credit card interest rates for 6 months until I could afford it, rather than ask my parents (who were bringing in a half-million a year) for a few hundred dollars to get me through. Sometimes, 20% interest is cheaper than the bullshit you'll have to swallow if you don't pay it. I love my parents, but man, never again will I be in that position.

I have also learned in my early 20s that it's cheaper to pay for a cash advance on a credit card than to deal with the bs from my parents. An excellent lesson.

Absolutely. Avoid hearing about a tiny loan for the next 20 years! I can get enough of the "alternative family history" in casual conversation. Also don't need anyone going around telling folks we had hit a tough patch and needed any help. 
« Last Edit: March 27, 2017, 08:28:32 AM by Tasty Pinecones »

Cassie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2737 on: March 27, 2017, 03:23:04 PM »
Now that we are older we buy ourselves something if we want it. Our kids give us gift cards to restaurants, movies etc which is very nice. I used to do the same for my Mom or send her good chocolate or flowers. NOthing accumulates and we can enjoy the goodies or experiences.  For Easter I always bought my kids good quality chocolate and not a ton of it and then a small gift of something they wanted which was not junk.

recklesslysober

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2738 on: March 27, 2017, 05:03:13 PM »
I am so fed up of "present-giving" holidays. But it is so hard to get out of them completely. Obviously in December it was Christmas, then my mother's birthday is in February, and now it's Mother's Day on Sunday. WTF am I supposed to get her that she could possibly want that she doesn't already have? Rinse and repeat for the next thirty years. That's ninety shitty future presents I have to buy. But my mother will care if I don't get her anything and she will remember and be hurt if I buy her the same thing every year. I try to buy consumables so they won't add to the drifts of crap in the house already, but at some point about five years ago I ran out of ideas and of fuck-giving-ness. I have giving presents, I hate getting presents, I hate the whole idea of presents. It's not a present if it's for a "present-giving holiday", it's just a piece of obligatory crap. It's not thoughtful, no matter what it is. You bought it because you have to buy something because that time of the calendar has rolled around again. The exchange of material goods at set times is a fucking ridiculous thing to do in this day and age, and it drives me ballistic that it's accelerating. Valentines day chocolates for teachers, wedding registries for people who already have two adult households to merge, "Here, have a present every year because you gave birth to me one time". And especially the idea of "Here, have some piece of crap that you don't want (because if you did you'd have bought it yourself) but you'll have to keep forever because for some reason getting rid of it will symbolise getting rid of our relationship, much as me going out and spending twenty quid on this thing and a piece of folded card to go with it symbolises the fact that I care about you - but just saying that would apparently not be caring enough so I have to divest myself of money to burden you with this piece of crap too".

/rant

This is everything I hate about gift giving.

I thought I had finally convinced the spouse's family to go with consumables if they feel like they have to give something (chocolate, wine, etc. - can always use that!) but alas, it didn't stick.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2739 on: March 27, 2017, 07:58:16 PM »
I'm glad in a way that my family doesn't really give gifts. On my birthday I get a call from my parents and siblings and that's about it!

Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2740 on: March 28, 2017, 07:53:16 AM »
I'm just not a fan of cards. $3 or more per card. Some saccharin dripping message followed by a two sentence platitude from the sender.

Honestly - I'd much rather get a phone call or share a meal or hang out a little.

With my closest friends we pop off an email or text about this project or that experience and when there is a "thanks man, couldn't do it without you" tacked on the end - it means much more to me than anything Hallmark ever said.

My Mom and sister put SO much emphasis on those cards though. Its their relationship yardstick. They don't make time to just hang out but you better damn well send a card on every appropriate calendar date.

Vindicated

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2741 on: March 28, 2017, 08:03:01 AM »
I'm just not a fan of cards. $3 or more per card. Some saccharin dripping message followed by a two sentence platitude from the sender.

Honestly - I'd much rather get a phone call or share a meal or hang out a little.

With my closest friends we pop off an email or text about this project or that experience and when there is a "thanks man, couldn't do it without you" tacked on the end - it means much more to me than anything Hallmark ever said.

My Mom and sister put SO much emphasis on those cards though. Its their relationship yardstick. They don't make time to just hang out but you better damn well send a card on every appropriate calendar date.

+1000

I hate cards.  Greeting cards, Birthday cards, Valentines cards, Christmas cards, cards of all kinds.  We set them on the mantel, they collect dust, then we throw them away.  They provide nothing (unless there is a bit of green inside), but that's not necessary, of course.  I just feel bad throwing them away, but I don't want them cluttering up our living space.

I've even begun telling my parents to stop giving my Son cards for EVERY HOLIDAY.  It's absurd.  He's received three identical Valentine's cards.  Two from my parents (one each of the past two years), and one from my MIL.  THE SAME EXACT CARD.  He doesn't even know what they are.  He's a 2 y/o.  Just throw that $3 into his 529.  He'll love you just as much whether you give him a card or not.

If you have to do it, at least take the time to write something nice and meaningful inside.  When we sent Thank You cards after our wedding, we spent the time to write a few paragraphs in each card to show that we put effort into them.  We received a lot of comments/texts that the guests really enjoyed our notes.  I hope they threw them away afterwards though.

rockstache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2742 on: March 28, 2017, 09:34:18 AM »

If you have to do it, at least take the time to write something nice and meaningful inside.  When we sent Thank You cards after our wedding, we spent the time to write a few paragraphs in each card to show that we put effort into them.  We received a lot of comments/texts that the guests really enjoyed our notes.  I hope they threw them away afterwards though.

I like cards, but I buy them at the dollar store (2/$1) or in packs, and always write sentimental notes, or use them as paper for a regular correspondence. I don't care if people throw them away once they read them - they're just paper. I get rid of most of the ones I receive but sometimes I will keep the ones with a really heartfelt note.

ETA: I should have noted, I send them for birthdays or random occasions. I do not give Christmas cards, or other holiday obligated cards. I just do it when I feel like reaching out and letting someone know I'm thinking of them.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2017, 10:17:40 AM by rockstache »

Cookie78

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2743 on: March 28, 2017, 09:39:36 AM »
I'm just not a fan of cards. $3 or more per card. Some saccharin dripping message followed by a two sentence platitude from the sender.

Honestly - I'd much rather get a phone call or share a meal or hang out a little.

With my closest friends we pop off an email or text about this project or that experience and when there is a "thanks man, couldn't do it without you" tacked on the end - it means much more to me than anything Hallmark ever said.

My Mom and sister put SO much emphasis on those cards though. Its their relationship yardstick. They don't make time to just hang out but you better damn well send a card on every appropriate calendar date.

+1000

I hate cards.  Greeting cards, Birthday cards, Valentines cards, Christmas cards, cards of all kinds.  We set them on the mantel, they collect dust, then we throw them away.  They provide nothing (unless there is a bit of green inside), but that's not necessary, of course.  I just feel bad throwing them away, but I don't want them cluttering up our living space.

I've even begun telling my parents to stop giving my Son cards for EVERY HOLIDAY.  It's absurd.  He's received three identical Valentine's cards.  Two from my parents (one each of the past two years), and one from my MIL.  THE SAME EXACT CARD.  He doesn't even know what they are.  He's a 2 y/o.  Just throw that $3 into his 529.  He'll love you just as much whether you give him a card or not.

If you have to do it, at least take the time to write something nice and meaningful inside.  When we sent Thank You cards after our wedding, we spent the time to write a few paragraphs in each card to show that we put effort into them.  We received a lot of comments/texts that the guests really enjoyed our notes.  I hope they threw them away afterwards though.

I also hate cards. Every now and then I'll make homemade ones if I need to, but I refuse to buy them!!

I did get one random congratulations card from a friend (for my FIRE plans) and that was meaningful, but I think only because it was thoughtful and random, not for a usual card giving holiday.

AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2744 on: March 28, 2017, 11:01:02 AM »
I got a "thinking of you" gift from a relative in the mail yesterday.  They are older, have minimal savings and have deeply subsidized rent.  The gift was a bag of special moldable sand.  Someone with little savings bought me a bag of sand.  I totally love the thought but really what the F- do I do with a 1lb bag of sand?  In future I think I will try to bring up in conversation that I would like gift cards to restaurants or some such rather than these little things.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2745 on: March 28, 2017, 11:19:49 AM »
I got a "thinking of you" gift from a relative in the mail yesterday.  They are older, have minimal savings and have deeply subsidized rent.  The gift was a bag of special moldable sand.  Someone with little savings bought me a bag of sand.  I totally love the thought but really what the F- do I do with a 1lb bag of sand?  In future I think I will try to bring up in conversation that I would like gift cards to restaurants or some such rather than these little things.
Go pound sand?

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2746 on: March 28, 2017, 11:39:05 AM »
I got a "thinking of you" gift from a relative in the mail yesterday.  They are older, have minimal savings and have deeply subsidized rent.  The gift was a bag of special moldable sand.  Someone with little savings bought me a bag of sand.  I totally love the thought but really what the F- do I do with a 1lb bag of sand?  In future I think I will try to bring up in conversation that I would like gift cards to restaurants or some such rather than these little things.

I once gave such a bag of sand to my 5 year old nephew to play with. Maybe you could do the same?
« Last Edit: March 30, 2017, 12:48:54 AM by Linda_Norway »

andreamac

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2747 on: March 29, 2017, 06:03:33 PM »
So I have two sisters, both decided to go buy brand RVs/Dodge RAMs new at the same time a few years ago since they have small children and wanted to do camping. They are not financially well off and I'm pretty sure they both had line of credits to begin with and up to debt to their eyeballs. So the next year one sister had a bigger RV than the other so of course the other sister had to trade in a one year old RV and buy a bigger one... OMG... So we did tent camping with them at a few parks which was still expensive to me since they were children centric places ($60 a night for tent camping). We are expecting and plan to spend one weekend with them, this year at a hotel since we have points and want A/C for a 2 month old :) Going forward we may rent a cottage at the same place they camp one weekend a summer that isn't cheap but much more cheaper than a RV/huge ass truck! When little one get a little older, I'm sure we will be back to tent camping!

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2748 on: March 29, 2017, 09:13:16 PM »
The gift was a bag of special moldable sand.  Someone with little savings bought me a bag of sand.  I totally love the thought but really what the F- do I do with a 1lb bag of sand?  In future I think I will try to bring up in conversation that I would like gift cards to restaurants or some such rather than these little things.

Depending on the type of sand, I would use it to make molds to cast molten bronze or silver into.

ambimammular

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2749 on: March 30, 2017, 09:23:17 PM »
So I have two sisters, both decided to go buy brand RVs/Dodge RAMs new at the same time a few years ago since they have small children and wanted to do camping. They are not financially well off and I'm pretty sure they both had line of credits to begin with and up to debt to their eyeballs. So the next year one sister had a bigger RV than the other so of course the other sister had to trade in a one year old RV and buy a bigger one... OMG... So we did tent camping with them at a few parks which was still expensive to me since they were children centric places ($60 a night for tent camping). We are expecting and plan to spend one weekend with them, this year at a hotel since we have points and want A/C for a 2 month old :) Going forward we may rent a cottage at the same place they camp one weekend a summer that isn't cheap but much more cheaper than a RV/huge ass truck! When little one get a little older, I'm sure we will be back to tent camping!

Our extended family (both sides, lord help em) is always trying to get us to borrow the camper for a weekend. I think they realize that the thing is spending most of its time parked in the side yard, and they're trying to justify owning it.