So, when we see people at weddings or at holidays, my wife and I were instructed to not mention that Bill lives at home.
Well, bless you, since you are far more tactful than I could ever be. I would respond to questions about Bill with, " Oh, Bill................well, Bill is still suffering from that awkward "failure to launch" issue, and is well on his way to his forth decade of breast feeding". Yea, there is no way in hell I would cover for that sorry ass. If he can't put his big boy pants on, and grow the fuck up, the fact that he lives in Mommy's basement is fair game, and the horrified look on the relative's faces as you break the news, well that's just peanut butter icing on that particular cake.
OK, it's time to rescue the Scholar. This situation just can't be allowed to exist.
I've been polite-- almost reclusive, in fact-- ever since I verbally shoved some fuel rods in a place they shouldn't go, as part of an ongoing quest to correct a deer tick infestation on the hide of one of our other venerable forum members, and subsequently got corrected by a moderator for openly maligning the chastity of Wells Fargo.
But it's no time for half measures.
One of the key purposes behind Mustachianism is to earn "fuck you" money so as to never, ever again be troubled by idiots. Financial independence is a process of idiot-proofing one's life to the point where decisions made by imbeciles, dolts, assholes, and shitheads no longer affect you one way or another. You can't be pressured to morally compromise yourself for, say, an employer or a paycheck because you don't need the paychecks so badly that you give a fuck whether you get the next one. In fact it's safe to say that financial independence provides us with the freedom to raise a single finger, in a single direction, any time we're pressured to do something we don't actually want to do, and to invite the recipient of the gesture to paraphrase because we don't really think they're "Number One".
Financial independence allows you to give no fucks whatsoever
about things that don't actually concern you. It's like having a depleted-uranium codpiece, except without the down side of keeping a mildly radioactive piece of metal next to one's crotch. Having a generous number of FI people in the family or the community provides outstanding stability, because people who are FI never have to accept abuse as a condition of participation in a workplace, a family, or any other social group.Under no circumstances
should you allow any relative to get the idea that they can control, or influence, what comes out of your mouth. It's Bill and Jane who have turned in their adult card, not you. Mommy and Daddy pay their bills, therefore they can call the shots. They don't pay The Scholar's bills, so guess what: they don't get to call those shots.
Let us now pause for a moment to contemplate that unique piece of religious philosophy known as the Golden Rule: Whoever provides the gold, expects to make the rules.
Obviously it applies to Bill and Jane, because Bill and Jane turned in their adult cards in the hopes of acting out the financial equivalent of an adult diapering fantasy. No Mustachian would ever voluntarily be part of such a Faustian agreement, because those among us who have unusual fetishes are more than capable of finding a community where our kinks can be satisfied, without
sacrificing our personal or financial autonomy.
Bill and Jane have chosen a different path up the mountain. Instead of working toward independence, they've deliberately blown up their independence in order to attract and keep enablers. The enablers in question, not satisfied simply with financially castrating their own son, are trying to draw other people into the conspiracy to cover up the defective behavior AND their willing enabling behavior.
That's really fucked up. They've gone far beyond simply being peasants who voluntarily make sacrifices to allow other people to live for free, like medieval serfs in the court of some toxic monarch. They are now acting as pimps, deliberately recruiting other people to enable the fucked-up infantile bullshit by normalizing it.
If the pimp-in-laws can pressure CheapScholar into knowing knowing about Bill and Jane's voluntary return to the breast-feeding lifestyle but publicly pretending it hasn't happened, they succeed in sucking more people into their toxic drama. Simply pretending to condone the behavior, instead of allowing the normal predictable consequences (including criticism) to occur, delays the point at which Bill and Jane migrate off the nipple. In the meantime, the daily habits they practice will become ever more ingrained, and the situation will become more thoroughly entrenched.
You know, you don't have to wiggle your hips and sashay over every time your pimp-in-laws flash a pinky ring. What are you hoping for, a hefty but unnecessary inheritance? Also, what will they actually if you mention the Forbidden Family Secret in public: bitch-slap you into next week? That's unlikely, since public commentary on their bitchass behavior is precisely the thing they don't want to attract. So make a different choice. Don't deliberately participate in stupid family behavior.
If it's OK for Bill and Jane to live in the pimp-in-law's house, eat the pimp-in-law's food, and live at the pimp-in-law's expense as a pair of butthurt basement dwellers, it's OK for other people to mention that it's happening and to perhaps comment on it. If the people involved do something besides swell with pride, then maybe it's time for them to reconsider their role in the situation.