Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 608428 times)

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #250 on: May 24, 2015, 05:33:41 PM »
A relative needed some paperwork for a job application. He had left that paperwork across the country in his apartment. Instead of overnighting his keys to a friend to retrieve the papers for him, he buys a last-minute, cross-country round-trip ticket so he can go pick up the papers himself, and spend the whole day flying there and back.

Daleth

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1200
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #251 on: May 25, 2015, 07:38:15 AM »
A relative needed some paperwork for a job application. He had left that paperwork across the country in his apartment. Instead of overnighting his keys to a friend to retrieve the papers for him, he buys a last-minute, cross-country round-trip ticket so he can go pick up the papers himself, and spend the whole day flying there and back.

That is HILARIOUS.

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #252 on: May 25, 2015, 09:25:04 AM »
A relative needed some paperwork for a job application. He had left that paperwork across the country in his apartment. Instead of overnighting his keys to a friend to retrieve the papers for him, he buys a last-minute, cross-country round-trip ticket so he can go pick up the papers himself, and spend the whole day flying there and back.

That is HILARIOUS.

I wish I were making this stuff up.

rob in cal

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 215
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #253 on: May 25, 2015, 10:24:56 AM »
   My wife and her four sisters are having an upcoming sisters reunion (they did one two years ago as well).  I think its a good idea, but some problems that I see coming are the fact that the sisters will want to go on some expensive and ridiculous activities while they are there.  My wife would like to do some of them, but not things like hot air ballooning which costs 75% as much as the weekly rent for an apartment in one of the most beautiful regions in Croatia.   Hopefully things work out without too much financial ridiculousness.  Basically of the five sisters and their SO's, as far as I can tell, we work the least amount of hours, make the least earned money... and have the most assets.

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #254 on: May 25, 2015, 10:53:41 AM »
   My wife and her four sisters are having an upcoming sisters reunion (they did one two years ago as well).  I think its a good idea, but some problems that I see coming are the fact that the sisters will want to go on some expensive and ridiculous activities while they are there.  My wife would like to do some of them, but not things like hot air ballooning which costs 75% as much as the weekly rent for an apartment in one of the most beautiful regions in Croatia.   Hopefully things work out without too much financial ridiculousness.  Basically of the five sisters and their SO's, as far as I can tell, we work the least amount of hours, make the least earned money... and have the most assets.

That's a lot of sisters. DW and I make less combined than one of her siblings. The sibling and sibling's SO are both high earners. Yet we have far more assets. And don't hate our lives (unlike sibling).

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #255 on: May 25, 2015, 10:57:21 AM »
One of my relatives has a pretty low income and 4 kids. Yet they went to a Whole Paycheck Foods-type luxury grocery store and bought $10/pound salad bar dinners for the kids. The kids got stuff like cottage cheese and canned fruit. They literally walked past a normal supermarket selling whole containers of cottage cheese and cans of fruit, etc, for 80% less money.

Stache it Away

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 17
  • Age: 36
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #256 on: May 25, 2015, 09:05:16 PM »
I provided some financial advice for a retired relative, showing various fund costs, expected and historical performance, and why it made sense to invest with a low-cost provider (i.e. Vanguard), and that the Target Retirement Fund would be a good option due to their need for stable income and fear of losing money in a market crash. He said I was much smarter than him.

So instead of following my advice, he starts talking about buying tax-free municipal bonds in his IRA. Of course the whole point of buying the tax-free bonds is because you don't have to pay taxes on them, and that compensates for the lower returns. But in an IRA, you aren't paying taxes on them anyway. Facepalm.


He's retired, I"m guessing that he has enough money to live off, or a pension, so if he's happier with municipal bonds, then why not leave him be. If he's retired, investing heavily in a low cost-bond might be the best route.

Because tax-free bonds have a lower return than taxable bonds with the same risk. The municipalities can do this because the bondholders weigh the lower return against the tax advantages and figure they still come out ahead. If you're holding tax-free munis in a tax-advantaged account, you're getting a lower return without any improved tax advantage.

Imagine a "tax free" store that has higher prices than its competitors, and a "tax free" credit card with a limit of $5,500. They both have advantages, but using the "tax free" credit card at the "tax free" store just means you're paying a higher price than you need to without improving your tax situation.


Just thought I'd chime in.  There are actually taxable municipal bonds as well.  There are not as many, but it might give your relative the best of both worlds (higher yield of taxable bonds and the safety of municipals).  No reason to invest in tax-exempt bonds in an IRA.
Someone else is happy with less than what you have.

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #257 on: May 26, 2015, 06:25:39 AM »
I provided some financial advice for a retired relative, showing various fund costs, expected and historical performance, and why it made sense to invest with a low-cost provider (i.e. Vanguard), and that the Target Retirement Fund would be a good option due to their need for stable income and fear of losing money in a market crash. He said I was much smarter than him.

So instead of following my advice, he starts talking about buying tax-free municipal bonds in his IRA. Of course the whole point of buying the tax-free bonds is because you don't have to pay taxes on them, and that compensates for the lower returns. But in an IRA, you aren't paying taxes on them anyway. Facepalm.


He's retired, I"m guessing that he has enough money to live off, or a pension, so if he's happier with municipal bonds, then why not leave him be. If he's retired, investing heavily in a low cost-bond might be the best route.

Because tax-free bonds have a lower return than taxable bonds with the same risk. The municipalities can do this because the bondholders weigh the lower return against the tax advantages and figure they still come out ahead. If you're holding tax-free munis in a tax-advantaged account, you're getting a lower return without any improved tax advantage.

Imagine a "tax free" store that has higher prices than its competitors, and a "tax free" credit card with a limit of $5,500. They both have advantages, but using the "tax free" credit card at the "tax free" store just means you're paying a higher price than you need to without improving your tax situation.


Just thought I'd chime in.  There are actually taxable municipal bonds as well.  There are not as many, but it might give your relative the best of both worlds (higher yield of taxable bonds and the safety of municipals).  No reason to invest in tax-exempt bonds in an IRA.


Yes. He was explicitly talking about tax-free municipal bonds. It makes no sense. He doesn't listen to his own words as he says them.

rob in cal

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 215
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #258 on: May 26, 2015, 10:48:12 AM »
   Update on wifes sister reunion.  Looks like the hot air balloon extravaganza won't be happening and they are focusing on horseback riding and maybe a jeep ride, both events being much cheaper and probably as nice an experience.  One sister did mention that she's looking forward to eating out. The reunion is in Sedona Arizona btw.  From now on, I will always associate a hot air balloon ride ticket in Sedona with a weeks stay in June at a modest lower end one bedroom apartment along the coast of Croatia, as both are in the same ballpark cost wise.

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #259 on: May 27, 2015, 09:45:14 AM »
Sedona is nice. But I'm sure Croatia is too. Glad they are going to do cheaper stuff now.

MountainManMustache

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 22
  • Location: Colorado
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #260 on: May 27, 2015, 10:16:25 AM »
Uncle told me the other day after announcing my retirement, "wait a year and you'll find you are bored and will go back to work".  He just doesn't get it.  Instead he is a successful attorney (63 years old) stating that he will retire when he saves another $3M.  I feel sorry for him as his burn rate and lack of understanding of money management skills keep him hostage in the grind.  Oh well, I have stopped trying to explain my situation to him as he continues to adamantly state his position.  Ignorance truly is bliss (his ignorance = my bliss).

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #261 on: May 27, 2015, 10:47:33 AM »
Uncle told me the other day after announcing my retirement, "wait a year and you'll find you are bored and will go back to work".  He just doesn't get it.  Instead he is a successful attorney (63 years old) stating that he will retire when he saves another $3M.  I feel sorry for him as his burn rate and lack of understanding of money management skills keep him hostage in the grind.  Oh well, I have stopped trying to explain my situation to him as he continues to adamantly state his position.  Ignorance truly is bliss (his ignorance = my bliss).

And what's great is that it's only the worst case where he's right. And then you can be like everyone else, but have no money problems.

onehair

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 320
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #262 on: June 16, 2015, 01:52:44 PM »
I received a letter in the mail from some company named One Main Financial offering me a loan up to $4000 if I stopped by their local office to see if I qualified.

My SO: "But they're offering you $4000!! You could use it to pay off bills!!! You should go down there!!"
My response: Rip the letter into halves then quarters then drop it into the black hole of my work bag.

So let me get this straight: Incur more debt to pay off debt?? Disclosure: I am paying off 3 loans due to several successive emergencies they are being paid via payroll deduction and going down.  I am going to borrow no more and work on growing my mustache lol...

Follow Up: I showed it to my mom who was mustaching before I found it cool and she laughed and said the same thing.....

zephyr911

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3474
  • Age: 38
  • Location: Northern Alabama
  • I'm just happy to be here. \m/ ^_^ \m/
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #263 on: June 16, 2015, 02:27:18 PM »
One of my relatives has a pretty low income and 4 kids. Yet they went to a Whole Paycheck Foods-type luxury grocery store and bought $10/pound salad bar dinners for the kids. The kids got stuff like cottage cheese and canned fruit. They literally walked past a normal supermarket selling whole containers of cottage cheese and cans of fruit, etc, for 80% less money.
*Headdesk repeatedly*
I am not a cog. I am an organizational lubricant.

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #264 on: June 16, 2015, 02:32:01 PM »
I received a letter in the mail from some company named One Main Financial offering me a loan up to $4000 if I stopped by their local office to see if I qualified.

My SO: "But they're offering you $4000!! You could use it to pay off bills!!! You should go down there!!"
My response: Rip the letter into halves then quarters then drop it into the black hole of my work bag.

So let me get this straight: Incur more debt to pay off debt?? Disclosure: I am paying off 3 loans due to several successive emergencies they are being paid via payroll deduction and going down.  I am going to borrow no more and work on growing my mustache lol...

Follow Up: I showed it to my mom who was mustaching before I found it cool and she laughed and said the same thing.....

Good job! In general, if someone is advertising to you, you probably don't need what they are selling.

onehair

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 320
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #265 on: June 17, 2015, 08:24:06 AM »
The main reason I joined this forum was to complain about my aunt and uncle!  They drive me and my mom to distraction.

My aunt first: She worked for private industry for 25 years then retired a few years ago.I always thought she was financially independent but it turned out she had been subsidized by my late grandparents for years!  Fast forward to 2012 my grandmother gives her 8K to settle up her bills and she blows the lot on QVC and God knows what instead of attempting to pay on her condo which was located in a great part of town at a very good price and centrally located to metro.  She lost the condo then moved in with my grandmother claiming she'd save up and get an apartment.  Fast forward again to 2015 3 years later she has saved nothing and my grandmother is now gone.  My mom wants to sell the house or deed it over to my aunt and uncle she doesn't want the upkeep of two homes.   What my aunt wants is for my mom to fix the place up there are defects in the kitchen and basement and continue to cover the monthly bills such as the gas property taxes and utilities while she lives mostly bill free.  She is always complaining she is broke yet seems to be able to afford a Nook, a new laptop and fancy T Shirts. Yet she considers me insane for learning to make my own soap at least melt and pour lol scent my own shower gels and bath salts.

Then there is my uncle: also subsidized by my late grandparents.  He has always been spoiled but I liked him.  He is a compulsive shopper like my aunt but unlike her still has a few years left in the workforce.  My grandfather helped him long after he should have when he got into debt. Even opened an IRA for him which my uncle promptly raided to "have fun" and now won't pay the penalties due for an early withdrawal that didn't fall under the exception rules.  When he passed my grandmother did the same sacrificing her own needs to keep his electricity on and his rent paid. Now that she is gone he expects my mother to do the same thing and subsidize him.  I have gone out of my way to make sure it doesn't happen.  Did I mention he was fired from his federal position for absenteeism and lying about his debts?  My mom helped him a bit out of pity I told her it was human to want to assist him he is family BUT he is an adult now and if she keeps giving him money he will never learn to stand on his own.

Arrrrggghhh!! The pair of them make me want to bang my head on the desk.  I am trying along with my brother and sister to support my mom as best we can we know they're stressing her out no end.


forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #266 on: June 17, 2015, 09:02:34 AM »
Ouch. I have found that subsidizing those who are bad with money is just enabling and encouraging the behavior. I had a relative that took out a loan to consolidate some debt (something like $10k). By the time he got home he'd spent it all on tools! I don't even know how you do that. You just can't let some people get their hands on any money.

zephyr911

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3474
  • Age: 38
  • Location: Northern Alabama
  • I'm just happy to be here. \m/ ^_^ \m/
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #267 on: June 17, 2015, 10:30:46 AM »
I received a letter in the mail from some company named One Main Financial offering me a loan up to $4000 if I stopped by their local office to see if I qualified.

My SO: "But they're offering you $4000!! You could use it to pay off bills!!! You should go down there!!"
My response: Rip the letter into halves then quarters then drop it into the black hole of my work bag.

So let me get this straight: Incur more debt to pay off debt?? Disclosure: I am paying off 3 loans due to several successive emergencies they are being paid via payroll deduction and going down.  I am going to borrow no more and work on growing my mustache lol...

Follow Up: I showed it to my mom who was mustaching before I found it cool and she laughed and said the same thing.....

Good job! In general, if someone is advertising to you, you probably don't need what they are selling.
Sometimes even loan companies with advertising departments are capable of offering a better APR. I've traded debt for other debt a whole lot of times in my life, always after doing careful calculations to make sure the new loan offered lower total fees+interest and could therefore enable me to retire the debt faster.

However, One Main Financial sounds like one of those companies that caters to people who have tapped out their credit cards and think a "low fixed payment" at 22.99%APR is the answer to their financial crisis.
I am not a cog. I am an organizational lubricant.

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #268 on: June 17, 2015, 01:56:40 PM »
I received a letter in the mail from some company named One Main Financial offering me a loan up to $4000 if I stopped by their local office to see if I qualified.

My SO: "But they're offering you $4000!! You could use it to pay off bills!!! You should go down there!!"
My response: Rip the letter into halves then quarters then drop it into the black hole of my work bag.

So let me get this straight: Incur more debt to pay off debt?? Disclosure: I am paying off 3 loans due to several successive emergencies they are being paid via payroll deduction and going down.  I am going to borrow no more and work on growing my mustache lol...

Follow Up: I showed it to my mom who was mustaching before I found it cool and she laughed and said the same thing.....

Good job! In general, if someone is advertising to you, you probably don't need what they are selling.
Sometimes even loan companies with advertising departments are capable of offering a better APR. I've traded debt for other debt a whole lot of times in my life, always after doing careful calculations to make sure the new loan offered lower total fees+interest and could therefore enable me to retire the debt faster.

However, One Main Financial sounds like one of those companies that caters to people who have tapped out their credit cards and think a "low fixed payment" at 22.99%APR is the answer to their financial crisis.

Yes, there are exceptions. But "in general" I've found that advertising is selling the stuff you don't need. For me, it's going to be at least 99% of ads I've seen.

AZDude

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1172
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #269 on: June 17, 2015, 03:11:27 PM »
None of my relatives "get it", other than maybe one of my siblings. My parents live in a 2000+ sq ft home, just the two of them, have cable TV with premium channels(HBO, etc...)! Have two cars even though my dad doesn't work anymore. One of their windows is broken and boarded up, and has been for 2+ years, leaking cold air into the hot desert every summer while they enjoy their HBO and Showtime! Gah... pisses me off just thinking about it. Fix the goddamn window! I'm not asking that much...

Meanwhile, for their 30th anniversary a while back, my siblings contact me with the notion of throwing a big party for them. After squabbling over where to have the event(Park was out of the running due to heat, my place was too small, etc...). Anyway, despite repeated pleas to not spend money on ridiculous things since their home needed repairs like a new window, and if we really wanted to do something nice we could fix it... instead my sister spend hundreds of dollars on food and decorations for a party of like 25 people. Meanwhile the window is still broken, but hey the board now has some nice curtains over it!!!

NorCal

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 481
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #270 on: June 17, 2015, 04:09:40 PM »
My SIL and BIL both have pretty senior jobs with the DoD that require Top Secret clearances.  Best I can tell, they're typical consumers relying on future pensions.  I know they've had some fights over money and spend lavishly by my standards, but nothing ridiculous by normal consumer standards.

Anyways, they had a blow-up fight that nearly led to a divorce and required my wife's parents to fly out and calm them both down.  It turns out, they'd both "forgotten" to file their taxes for the past ~seven years, and were blaming it on each other.  Never mind that they'd only been married ~4 years at that point.

Seriously, how do you forget to FILE taxes?  Particularly when you have to qualify for a TOP SECRET SECURITY CLEARANCE?

They even got a refund of ~$20K+ after handing everything over to an accountant to figure out for them.

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #271 on: June 17, 2015, 04:47:57 PM »
None of my relatives "get it", other than maybe one of my siblings. My parents live in a 2000+ sq ft home, just the two of them, have cable TV with premium channels(HBO, etc...)! Have two cars even though my dad doesn't work anymore. One of their windows is broken and boarded up, and has been for 2+ years, leaking cold air into the hot desert every summer while they enjoy their HBO and Showtime! Gah... pisses me off just thinking about it. Fix the goddamn window! I'm not asking that much...

Meanwhile, for their 30th anniversary a while back, my siblings contact me with the notion of throwing a big party for them. After squabbling over where to have the event(Park was out of the running due to heat, my place was too small, etc...). Anyway, despite repeated pleas to not spend money on ridiculous things since their home needed repairs like a new window, and if we really wanted to do something nice we could fix it... instead my sister spend hundreds of dollars on food and decorations for a party of like 25 people. Meanwhile the window is still broken, but hey the board now has some nice curtains over it!!!

Oh, that broken window is so bad in the heat. Oh that's terrible. That's a year-round money loser. A window isn't that expensive.

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #272 on: June 17, 2015, 04:49:54 PM »
My SIL and BIL both have pretty senior jobs with the DoD that require Top Secret clearances.  Best I can tell, they're typical consumers relying on future pensions.  I know they've had some fights over money and spend lavishly by my standards, but nothing ridiculous by normal consumer standards.

Anyways, they had a blow-up fight that nearly led to a divorce and required my wife's parents to fly out and calm them both down.  It turns out, they'd both "forgotten" to file their taxes for the past ~seven years, and were blaming it on each other.  Never mind that they'd only been married ~4 years at that point.

Seriously, how do you forget to FILE taxes?  Particularly when you have to qualify for a TOP SECRET SECURITY CLEARANCE?

They even got a refund of ~$20K+ after handing everything over to an accountant to figure out for them.

How do you work for the government and not file your taxes?!?! For SEVEN YEARS!?!? So dumb.

Of course the reason they were able to get away with it is because they were getting a refund. That was very kind of them to lend the Treasury $20k though.

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3201
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #273 on: June 17, 2015, 08:20:10 PM »
My SIL and BIL both have pretty senior jobs with the DoD that require Top Secret clearances.  Best I can tell, they're typical consumers relying on future pensions.  I know they've had some fights over money and spend lavishly by my standards, but nothing ridiculous by normal consumer standards.

Anyways, they had a blow-up fight that nearly led to a divorce and required my wife's parents to fly out and calm them both down.  It turns out, they'd both "forgotten" to file their taxes for the past ~seven years, and were blaming it on each other.  Never mind that they'd only been married ~4 years at that point.

Seriously, how do you forget to FILE taxes?  Particularly when you have to qualify for a TOP SECRET SECURITY CLEARANCE?

They even got a refund of ~$20K+ after handing everything over to an accountant to figure out for them.

How do you work for the government and not file your taxes?!?! For SEVEN YEARS!?!? So dumb.

Of course the reason they were able to get away with it is because they were getting a refund. That was very kind of them to lend the Treasury $20k though.

Yikes, it reminds me of a moment in the Simpsons where it's Tax Day and Homer comments, "I filed my taxes years ago...."

I still remember a few years ago where my dad asked me if I filed my taxes and I realized that it was September and I hadn't, I had filed an extention but just pushed it aside. I filed it that day and got a refund, and lesson learned.

regulator

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 469
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #274 on: June 17, 2015, 08:38:45 PM »
My SIL and BIL both have pretty senior jobs with the DoD that require Top Secret clearances.  Best I can tell, they're typical consumers relying on future pensions.  I know they've had some fights over money and spend lavishly by my standards, but nothing ridiculous by normal consumer standards.

Anyways, they had a blow-up fight that nearly led to a divorce and required my wife's parents to fly out and calm them both down.  It turns out, they'd both "forgotten" to file their taxes for the past ~seven years, and were blaming it on each other.  Never mind that they'd only been married ~4 years at that point.

Seriously, how do you forget to FILE taxes?  Particularly when you have to qualify for a TOP SECRET SECURITY CLEARANCE?

They even got a refund of ~$20K+ after handing everything over to an accountant to figure out for them.

How do you work for the government and not file your taxes?!?! For SEVEN YEARS!?!? So dumb.

Of course the reason they were able to get away with it is because they were getting a refund. That was very kind of them to lend the Treasury $20k though.

Mind boggling.  Even scarier, how did their employer not figure out they were 7 years delinquent on taxes?

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #275 on: June 18, 2015, 06:08:24 AM »
My SIL and BIL both have pretty senior jobs with the DoD that require Top Secret clearances.  Best I can tell, they're typical consumers relying on future pensions.  I know they've had some fights over money and spend lavishly by my standards, but nothing ridiculous by normal consumer standards.

Anyways, they had a blow-up fight that nearly led to a divorce and required my wife's parents to fly out and calm them both down.  It turns out, they'd both "forgotten" to file their taxes for the past ~seven years, and were blaming it on each other.  Never mind that they'd only been married ~4 years at that point.

Seriously, how do you forget to FILE taxes?  Particularly when you have to qualify for a TOP SECRET SECURITY CLEARANCE?

They even got a refund of ~$20K+ after handing everything over to an accountant to figure out for them.

How do you work for the government and not file your taxes?!?! For SEVEN YEARS!?!? So dumb.

Of course the reason they were able to get away with it is because they were getting a refund. That was very kind of them to lend the Treasury $20k though.

Mind boggling.  Even scarier, how did their employer not figure out they were 7 years delinquent on taxes?

Based on the experiences of one of my coworkers: If the IRS thinks they owe you money, they are OK with you not filing (no penalties or interest is due). But they don't have any authority to send you a refund check because you haven't told them about all your deductions and stuff and what you're claiming your income is, etc. You only get in real trouble if they think you owe them money and you don't file. Then they come after you.

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1562
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #276 on: June 18, 2015, 07:46:03 AM »
My SIL and BIL both have pretty senior jobs with the DoD that require Top Secret clearances.  Best I can tell, they're typical consumers relying on future pensions.  I know they've had some fights over money and spend lavishly by my standards, but nothing ridiculous by normal consumer standards.

Anyways, they had a blow-up fight that nearly led to a divorce and required my wife's parents to fly out and calm them both down.  It turns out, they'd both "forgotten" to file their taxes for the past ~seven years, and were blaming it on each other.  Never mind that they'd only been married ~4 years at that point.

Seriously, how do you forget to FILE taxes?  Particularly when you have to qualify for a TOP SECRET SECURITY CLEARANCE?

They even got a refund of ~$20K+ after handing everything over to an accountant to figure out for them.

How do you work for the government and not file your taxes?!?! For SEVEN YEARS!?!? So dumb.

Of course the reason they were able to get away with it is because they were getting a refund. That was very kind of them to lend the Treasury $20k though.

Mind boggling.  Even scarier, how did their employer not figure out they were 7 years delinquent on taxes?

When I moved in with my now-husband, he hadn't done his taxes in 7 years, and his credit was so bad he couldn't qualify for a cell phone plan. (Yes. It's possible. Cringe now. Trust me, the only reason I agreed to move in with him is that we kept 'separate' finances for a while - aka, my money is mine and you can't use it for your debt - and also that he basically let me handle all the finances going forward. And when I did those back-taxes, we discovered that he was owed almost 15K. ARGH.)

7 years later, we both have phenomenal credit, drive a single paid-off car, have absolutely no debt, and save over 30% of our salaries (could be better, but we've had some major expenses in the past year - house-building and kid-having, basically).

I genuinely don't think he'd have gotten there on his own, but after two years of me handling finances, he realized that he didn't feel deprived at all, and MAN was it nice when an unexpectedly high bill wasn't a crisis. Now, he's on board.

To be honest, though: if he hadn't let me fix the finances/spending/back-taxes/etc, I wouldn't have married him. No matter how much you love someone, you don't chain yourself onto a sinking ship.

onehair

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 320
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #277 on: June 18, 2015, 08:29:53 AM »
At least your husband improved his ways. My own behaved for about a year then rapidly backslid to the point I am grateful most of our finances are well separated.  Maybe I will post my own rant about him later today depends on whether I can recall it without bellowing curses at him and myself.

Congratulations to you both!

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #278 on: June 18, 2015, 08:40:55 AM »
To be honest, though: if he hadn't let me fix the finances/spending/back-taxes/etc, I wouldn't have married him. No matter how much you love someone, you don't chain yourself onto a sinking ship.

Amen, Sister! You have to love yourself too. The biggest danger of rescuing a drowning person is that they pull you down with them through their panic. It's an important part of lifeguard training.

At least your husband improved his ways. My own behaved for about a year then rapidly backslid to the point I am grateful most of our finances are well separated.  Maybe I will post my own rant about him later today depends on whether I can recall it without bellowing curses at him and myself.

Congratulations to you both!

Ouch. Sorry to hear that. It is hard to get people to change their ways.

iowajes

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4174
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #279 on: June 18, 2015, 08:55:05 AM »
Just found out that the financial problems of one of our relatives are MUCH worse than what we thought they were; it is really quite sad.

BUT what is bizarre, is my BIL said "what I don't understand is this is the person who got me turned around, got me to get a real job, got me away from credit cards"  and BIL/SIL are actually doing okay for themselves now.  (I don't think they are to the point where they are thinking about investing, or really even saving, but they aren't racking up debt... so that's good. I should tell husband to talk to SIL and make sure they are at least getting 401k matches.)


Someone clearly cannot take their own advice.

mtn

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1128
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #280 on: June 18, 2015, 09:22:44 AM »
Last night with FFIL, FMIL, and my fiance. I have a full time job, she's in a temp job. I'm covered under my parents health insurance until January when I turn 26; and it makes no difference to my parents since it is the same for my little brother as it is for both of us.

The options for her health insurance are COBRA at $600/month, exchange at $300/month, and my health insurance at $420 a month, which is basically the same coverage as the exchange option. They're (FMIL and Fiance) freaking out that I am going to refuse to get the spousal benefit, since I don't need the insurance. Say I'm being selfish. FFIL, who sells health insurance, is looking at me with this look of bemusement at their incredulity. I just can't even... Why would we pay $120 more to basically just double insure a 25 year old healthy and active male? Thank God FFIL was there to explain it, because I don't know how to explain common sense.

Hormones are a hell of a drug (that time of the month for one, post-menopause and MS bullshit for the other)

Kris

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2156
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #281 on: June 18, 2015, 09:31:34 AM »
My SIL and BIL both have pretty senior jobs with the DoD that require Top Secret clearances.  Best I can tell, they're typical consumers relying on future pensions.  I know they've had some fights over money and spend lavishly by my standards, but nothing ridiculous by normal consumer standards.

Anyways, they had a blow-up fight that nearly led to a divorce and required my wife's parents to fly out and calm them both down.  It turns out, they'd both "forgotten" to file their taxes for the past ~seven years, and were blaming it on each other.  Never mind that they'd only been married ~4 years at that point.

Seriously, how do you forget to FILE taxes?  Particularly when you have to qualify for a TOP SECRET SECURITY CLEARANCE?

They even got a refund of ~$20K+ after handing everything over to an accountant to figure out for them.

How do you work for the government and not file your taxes?!?! For SEVEN YEARS!?!? So dumb.

Of course the reason they were able to get away with it is because they were getting a refund. That was very kind of them to lend the Treasury $20k though.

Mind boggling.  Even scarier, how did their employer not figure out they were 7 years delinquent on taxes?

When I moved in with my now-husband, he hadn't done his taxes in 7 years, and his credit was so bad he couldn't qualify for a cell phone plan. (Yes. It's possible. Cringe now. Trust me, the only reason I agreed to move in with him is that we kept 'separate' finances for a while - aka, my money is mine and you can't use it for your debt - and also that he basically let me handle all the finances going forward. And when I did those back-taxes, we discovered that he was owed almost 15K. ARGH.)

7 years later, we both have phenomenal credit, drive a single paid-off car, have absolutely no debt, and save over 30% of our salaries (could be better, but we've had some major expenses in the past year - house-building and kid-having, basically).

I genuinely don't think he'd have gotten there on his own, but after two years of me handling finances, he realized that he didn't feel deprived at all, and MAN was it nice when an unexpectedly high bill wasn't a crisis. Now, he's on board.

To be honest, though: if he hadn't let me fix the finances/spending/back-taxes/etc, I wouldn't have married him. No matter how much you love someone, you don't chain yourself onto a sinking ship.

Damn, that was like reading something I wrote myself. Except for the not paying his taxes in 7 years, my husband (and my solution to the problem) was the same.  Glad to see another success story come out of a situation like that!
"Well I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I weren't under such heavy sedation."   - David St. Hubins, This is Spinal Tap

Geostache

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 202
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #282 on: June 18, 2015, 10:18:19 AM »
DH and I both have grandmothers that subsidize our uncles, whom are in their 50's. I gave up trying to talk sense into my grandmother years ago; despite getting a hefty subsidy from his ILs, my grandmother insisted that my uncle needed the money for 'the sake of the grandchildren.' DH, AFAIK, has never broached the subject with his grandmother. There's only so much one can do. It's their money, and if they choose to give it to people whom are bad with $ and will forever be dependent upon them, then that's their issue. 

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1562
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #283 on: June 18, 2015, 11:21:54 AM »
Argh, relatives.

We're currently building a house, and it seems like everyone on my side of the family has opinions about the decisions we're making, and it just demonstrates how little they get it. Highlights include:

My aunt: But why vinyl siding? (Tone of voice implying that we were smearing turds on the walls...) What about Maybec? Or brick! Those would be so much nicer!
Me: Because 20K and 40K more, respectively.
There are a few things we spent (reasonable amounts of) money on for entirely aesthetic reasons, but I have yet to see how maybec siding is 20K nicer and will bring me 20K more enjoyment... Whereas 20K less on my mortgage will make me MUCH happier.

Or my dad: "You should put in a propane fireplace instead of the (gorgeous, enameled, with a window to see the fire...) woodstove you're putting in!"
Me: "... but the woodstove actually heats the house, and can heat food and whatnot in case of a power outage (we're in the country, in Quebec. This happens.) The propane fireplace just looks pretty, and heats the immediate area it's in. That's less functional..."
My dad: "but then you'll have to split wood. (Spoken as if this was a fate worst than death)"
Me: "... So we can split free wood from our woodlot and be in shape, and then relax on our couch watching the roaring fire, rather than sit in front of a propane-burning machine and pay for the privilege of going to the gym in addition? Sounds great...? "

Or my mother: "Oh, don't put in a vegetable garden! It's so much effort!"
20 minutes later: "Oh, you should absolutely put flower gardens all around the house!"
Me: "Well, we don't like driving to the grocery store, so access to fresh lettuce and veggies is great, and we can fence in the vegetable garden. And putting flowers everywhere would just ensure the chickens will eat them. Maybe we could grow something chicken-friendly and resistant that would still be pretty?"
My mom: *sour face at the mention of chickens* Because free-range eggs are something you buy at the farmer's market at 7$/dozen, you see. Now picture her face when she finds out about the sheep...

zephyr911

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3474
  • Age: 38
  • Location: Northern Alabama
  • I'm just happy to be here. \m/ ^_^ \m/
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #284 on: June 18, 2015, 01:53:17 PM »
Mind boggling.  Even scarier, how did their employer not figure out they were 7 years delinquent on taxes?

Based on the experiences of one of my coworkers: If the IRS thinks they owe you money, they are OK with you not filing (no penalties or interest is due). But they don't have any authority to send you a refund check because you haven't told them about all your deductions and stuff and what you're claiming your income is, etc. You only get in real trouble if they think you owe them money and you don't file. Then they come after you.
The IRS is also basically in triage mode after years of payroll cuts while the population continues to rise. They only have so many people and so much time to go after delinquents, and sometimes things just fall through the cracks.
I've had multiple friends (and when I was a tax preparer, clients) who had gone 3 years or more without filing, and had never received so much as a letter about it. Some of them were self-employed and owed substantial quantities.
I am not a cog. I am an organizational lubricant.

Fuzzy Buttons

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 114
  • Age: 46
  • Location: Midwest, USA
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #285 on: June 18, 2015, 02:20:52 PM »
Mind boggling.  Even scarier, how did their employer not figure out they were 7 years delinquent on taxes?

Based on the experiences of one of my coworkers: If the IRS thinks they owe you money, they are OK with you not filing (no penalties or interest is due). But they don't have any authority to send you a refund check because you haven't told them about all your deductions and stuff and what you're claiming your income is, etc. You only get in real trouble if they think you owe them money and you don't file. Then they come after you.
The IRS is also basically in triage mode after years of payroll cuts while the population continues to rise. They only have so many people and so much time to go after delinquents, and sometimes things just fall through the cracks.
I've had multiple friends (and when I was a tax preparer, clients) who had gone 3 years or more without filing, and had never received so much as a letter about it. Some of them were self-employed and owed substantial quantities.

Earlier this year my gf found a 1099-B from 2013 showing capital gains that she had neglected to claim on her taxes.  There'd been no notification from the IRS about it yet.  So we went through the process of filing an amended tax return and she sent in a check for the difference.  It was a couple hundred dollars or so.

Today she gets a letter from the IRS basically thanking her for her payment and stating they are waiving the $3.26 in interest she had accumulated.  That's like the nicest letter I've ever seen from the IRS.  :)

BlueHouse

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2121
  • Location: WDC
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #286 on: June 19, 2015, 03:01:04 PM »
Quote
Hormones are a hell of a drug (that time of the month for one, post-menopause and MS bullshit for the other)
Now is probably as good a time as any to learn this:  half the population in the world don't want to hear this kind of crap. Shut it, and learn how to deal with all types of humans without assuming the behavior is some mysterious hormonal event. Perhaps you just suck at communicating.
Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand

mtn

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1128
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #287 on: June 19, 2015, 03:24:20 PM »
Quote
Hormones are a hell of a drug (that time of the month for one, post-menopause and MS bullshit for the other)
Now is probably as good a time as any to learn this:  half the population in the world don't want to hear this kind of crap. Shut it, and learn how to deal with all types of humans without assuming the behavior is some mysterious hormonal event. Perhaps you just suck at communicating.

It isn't mysterious, it is PMDD. It is the truth, and the person in question readily admits it after the freakout.

LeRainDrop

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1766
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #288 on: June 20, 2015, 08:57:10 AM »
The biggest danger of rescuing a drowning person is that they pull you down with them through their panic. It's an important part of lifeguard training.
Youngest brother and I have stopped loaning money to family, but mom still gets persuaded by middle brother's begging.  I am totally going to use this quote next time that issue comes up.  I love it; thanks for sharing!

forummm

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7386
  • Senior Mustachian
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #289 on: June 20, 2015, 10:08:02 AM »
The biggest danger of rescuing a drowning person is that they pull you down with them through their panic. It's an important part of lifeguard training.
Youngest brother and I have stopped loaning money to family, but mom still gets persuaded by middle brother's begging.  I am totally going to use this quote next time that issue comes up.  I love it; thanks for sharing!

Glad it will help you out! I had to learn that lesson the hard way myself <sigh>.

mm1970

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4096
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #290 on: June 22, 2015, 02:45:18 PM »
Quote
Hormones are a hell of a drug (that time of the month for one, post-menopause and MS bullshit for the other)
Now is probably as good a time as any to learn this:  half the population in the world don't want to hear this kind of crap. Shut it, and learn how to deal with all types of humans without assuming the behavior is some mysterious hormonal event. Perhaps you just suck at communicating.

It isn't mysterious, it is PMDD. It is the truth, and the person in question readily admits it after the freakout.
Word.  It varies month to month for me, but some months it is bad.  I can feel it, I know it, I know I'm being irrational, and I can't stop it.

Also: I tend to have insomnia about 10 days before, and the irrationality is more like 5 days before, so imagine being sleep deprived on TOP of the hormones.  Not pretty.

mtn

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1128
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #291 on: June 22, 2015, 03:16:22 PM »
Quote
Hormones are a hell of a drug (that time of the month for one, post-menopause and MS bullshit for the other)
Now is probably as good a time as any to learn this:  half the population in the world don't want to hear this kind of crap. Shut it, and learn how to deal with all types of humans without assuming the behavior is some mysterious hormonal event. Perhaps you just suck at communicating.

It isn't mysterious, it is PMDD. It is the truth, and the person in question readily admits it after the freakout.
Word.  It varies month to month for me, but some months it is bad.  I can feel it, I know it, I know I'm being irrational, and I can't stop it.

Also: I tend to have insomnia about 10 days before, and the irrationality is more like 5 days before, so imagine being sleep deprived on TOP of the hormones.  Not pretty.

Similar situation here. Not insomnia, but poor sleep about 5-7 days before, then irrationality 3-6 days before, then general moodiness for the next 2-7 days. I don't envy you at all.

From the boyfriend/fiance/best friend point of view, the birth control Yaz helps a little. Not much though.

Spiffsome

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 119
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #292 on: June 22, 2015, 06:45:35 PM »
My mom: *sour face at the mention of chickens* Because free-range eggs are something you buy at the farmer's market at 7$/dozen, you see. Now picture her face when she finds out about the sheep...

Silly Kitsune, chickens are for poor people, don't you know? If you have chickens your neighbours might think you're poor, and that's a fate worse than death! ;-)

Seriously though, I wish you good luck with the chickens and the vegetable gardens.

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1562
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #293 on: June 22, 2015, 07:04:34 PM »
My mom: *sour face at the mention of chickens* Because free-range eggs are something you buy at the farmer's market at 7$/dozen, you see. Now picture her face when she finds out about the sheep...

Silly Kitsune, chickens are for poor people, don't you know? If you have chickens your neighbours might think you're poor, and that's a fate worse than death! ;-)

Seriously though, I wish you good luck with the chickens and the vegetable gardens.

... Well, we live in the country, and the neighbors are a) my in-laws, and b) they have sheep and run a sugaring operation every spring. So. They're pretty supportive of our plans... :)

Sibley

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1709
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #294 on: June 22, 2015, 07:38:33 PM »
Quote
Hormones are a hell of a drug (that time of the month for one, post-menopause and MS bullshit for the other)
Now is probably as good a time as any to learn this:  half the population in the world don't want to hear this kind of crap. Shut it, and learn how to deal with all types of humans without assuming the behavior is some mysterious hormonal event. Perhaps you just suck at communicating.

It isn't mysterious, it is PMDD. It is the truth, and the person in question readily admits it after the freakout.
Word.  It varies month to month for me, but some months it is bad.  I can feel it, I know it, I know I'm being irrational, and I can't stop it.

Also: I tend to have insomnia about 10 days before, and the irrationality is more like 5 days before, so imagine being sleep deprived on TOP of the hormones.  Not pretty.

Similar situation here. Not insomnia, but poor sleep about 5-7 days before, then irrationality 3-6 days before, then general moodiness for the next 2-7 days. I don't envy you at all.

From the boyfriend/fiance/best friend point of view, the birth control Yaz helps a little. Not much though.

Never mind the PMS. I will never take hormonal birth control ever again. I was certifiable, and had absolutely no idea. I even scared my cats :(

onehair

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 320
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #295 on: June 23, 2015, 08:09:52 AM »
And tomorrow I punish myself by accompanying my mom to make sure my aunt goes to her followup GI appointment.  No doubt she will complain of being broke, ask me and my mom for either money or items, insult us then complain how awful my late grandmother was...

She has also developed a habit of bugging my mom to take her grocery shopping then conveniently forgetting her money or that she has very little on her debit card.

RetiredAt63

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5183
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #296 on: June 24, 2015, 12:53:09 PM »
Maibec (yes I looked it up), some people prefer wood siding to vinyl. YMMV. Brick is a pain, all that pointing.

Wood stove, go for it, ours got us through 3 weeks of no power in January 1998 (the great ice storm).  Including hot drinks for the tree guys from Pennsylvania (thanks to our US neighbours) and hydro people (thanks to Mississauga).

Sugar bush next door - great. Re collection methods, everyone bitches about tubing versus buckets, but tubing means much less soil compaction because there is no equipment out collecting the sap.  I thought that was an interesting and valid viewpoint.

What kind of sheep? I know someone who runs Plymouth Rock hens in with her sheep, it works out well.

Argh, relatives.

We're currently building a house, and it seems like everyone on my side of the family has opinions about the decisions we're making, and it just demonstrates how little they get it. Highlights include:

My aunt: But why vinyl siding? (Tone of voice implying that we were smearing turds on the walls...) What about Maybec? Or brick! Those would be so much nicer!
Me: Because 20K and 40K more, respectively.
There are a few things we spent (reasonable amounts of) money on for entirely aesthetic reasons, but I have yet to see how maybec siding is 20K nicer and will bring me 20K more enjoyment... Whereas 20K less on my mortgage will make me MUCH happier.

Or my dad: "You should put in a propane fireplace instead of the (gorgeous, enameled, with a window to see the fire...) woodstove you're putting in!"
Me: "... but the woodstove actually heats the house, and can heat food and whatnot in case of a power outage (we're in the country, in Quebec. This happens.) The propane fireplace just looks pretty, and heats the immediate area it's in. That's less functional..."
My dad: "but then you'll have to split wood. (Spoken as if this was a fate worst than death)"
Me: "... So we can split free wood from our woodlot and be in shape, and then relax on our couch watching the roaring fire, rather than sit in front of a propane-burning machine and pay for the privilege of going to the gym in addition? Sounds great...? "

Or my mother: "Oh, don't put in a vegetable garden! It's so much effort!"
20 minutes later: "Oh, you should absolutely put flower gardens all around the house!"
Me: "Well, we don't like driving to the grocery store, so access to fresh lettuce and veggies is great, and we can fence in the vegetable garden. And putting flowers everywhere would just ensure the chickens will eat them. Maybe we could grow something chicken-friendly and resistant that would still be pretty?"
My mom: *sour face at the mention of chickens* Because free-range eggs are something you buy at the farmer's market at 7$/dozen, you see. Now picture her face when she finds out about the sheep...

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1562
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #297 on: June 25, 2015, 06:37:39 AM »
The thing is that both Maibec and vinyl are pretty low-maintenance, whereas wood needs to be maintained and re-painted every few years. My in-laws have wood siding, and the paint noticably chips and looks iffy (and if you don't re-paint the wood gets humid, moldy, etc...) after 4-5 years. Knowing myself and my husband, that kind of re-painting is not gonna happen. I'll do inside maintanance, gardening, child care, animal care, I'll work full-time... but I'm just not gonna ever be interested enough in re-painting the house to take the time to do it. For someone who wouldn't mind doing the work (or I guess hiring someone to $$$), wood siding might totally be a better option. (Disclosure: I fought the vinyl decision for like 2 months. I'm not a fan of the look. But the contractor found one that doesn't look terrible, and at that point... Suck it up and admit what works for you, instead of saying it'll all work out and then being stuck with something you hate maintaining for years, y'know?)

My father-in-law has tubing set up over about 140 acres... it's not a small operation. We'll probably do buckets until we tap enough trees to merit the change, though. It's a lot of maintenance, so you need a large-ish operation to make the work worth it...

Don't know what kind of sheep yet! Every year, my in-laws buy 5-6 lambs and put them on about 2 acres of fenced-in property. Then the sheep look cute and keep the grass low all summer, and in the fall they get a trip to the butcher's. They eat a lot of lamb, and apparently it works out to 3-4$/lb for grass-fed, local, organic, etc lamb... ain't bad. Personally, I'd prefer to keep a few sheep year-round, but we'll see how it works out. Whatever we do for the hens will need to be pretty safe, though - there are coyotes and foxes near here, so hens go missing pretty easily. Still, hens are pretty great at keeping the base of blackberry/raspberry/blueberry bushes cleared out, as long as it's fenced in and fox-free... (and also we'll need to keep the foxes out of the rabbit hutch.)

Basically: my side of the family is very used to large houses (my parents just "downsized" down from 7000sq feet, and their "retirement" house is still bigger than the house we're building and planning on raising a family in), buying whatever they want/need, and no budgeting. So... seeing chickens, sheep, rabbits, smaller house, country living... they just Do Not Get It At All.

Maibec (yes I looked it up), some people prefer wood siding to vinyl. YMMV. Brick is a pain, all that pointing.

Wood stove, go for it, ours got us through 3 weeks of no power in January 1998 (the great ice storm).  Including hot drinks for the tree guys from Pennsylvania (thanks to our US neighbours) and hydro people (thanks to Mississauga).

Sugar bush next door - great. Re collection methods, everyone bitches about tubing versus buckets, but tubing means much less soil compaction because there is no equipment out collecting the sap.  I thought that was an interesting and valid viewpoint.

What kind of sheep? I know someone who runs Plymouth Rock hens in with her sheep, it works out well.

Argh, relatives.

We're currently building a house, and it seems like everyone on my side of the family has opinions about the decisions we're making, and it just demonstrates how little they get it. Highlights include:

My aunt: But why vinyl siding? (Tone of voice implying that we were smearing turds on the walls...) What about Maybec? Or brick! Those would be so much nicer!
Me: Because 20K and 40K more, respectively.
There are a few things we spent (reasonable amounts of) money on for entirely aesthetic reasons, but I have yet to see how maybec siding is 20K nicer and will bring me 20K more enjoyment... Whereas 20K less on my mortgage will make me MUCH happier.

Or my dad: "You should put in a propane fireplace instead of the (gorgeous, enameled, with a window to see the fire...) woodstove you're putting in!"
Me: "... but the woodstove actually heats the house, and can heat food and whatnot in case of a power outage (we're in the country, in Quebec. This happens.) The propane fireplace just looks pretty, and heats the immediate area it's in. That's less functional..."
My dad: "but then you'll have to split wood. (Spoken as if this was a fate worst than death)"
Me: "... So we can split free wood from our woodlot and be in shape, and then relax on our couch watching the roaring fire, rather than sit in front of a propane-burning machine and pay for the privilege of going to the gym in addition? Sounds great...? "

Or my mother: "Oh, don't put in a vegetable garden! It's so much effort!"
20 minutes later: "Oh, you should absolutely put flower gardens all around the house!"
Me: "Well, we don't like driving to the grocery store, so access to fresh lettuce and veggies is great, and we can fence in the vegetable garden. And putting flowers everywhere would just ensure the chickens will eat them. Maybe we could grow something chicken-friendly and resistant that would still be pretty?"
My mom: *sour face at the mention of chickens* Because free-range eggs are something you buy at the farmer's market at 7$/dozen, you see. Now picture her face when she finds out about the sheep...

Cassie

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3532
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #298 on: June 25, 2015, 02:58:13 PM »
In regard to Yaz -birth control-this can cause a serious, rare liver disease. My friend's daughter took it for a short time at age 18. Within a year she was dead. She had to go to the Midwest for a liver transplant since the wait on the West Coast was 5 years. She died after the transplant. A doctor told me that the older BC pills are better/safer then many of the newer ones.

druth

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 295
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #299 on: June 26, 2015, 08:53:14 AM »
Basically: my side of the family is very used to large houses (my parents just "downsized" down from 7000sq feet, and their "retirement" house is still bigger than the house we're building and planning on raising a family in), buying whatever they want/need, and no budgeting. So... seeing chickens, sheep, rabbits, smaller house, country living... they just Do Not Get It At All.

I'm looking at houses right now and I don't think I could even buy a 7000 sq foot house without traveling for 45 minutes, or buying a 2 million dollar historic mansion(complete with servants quarters).  Mind blowing. 

I have looked at a few 2000 sq. ft. houses, and they are overwhelmingly big, but I guess it's a matter of perspective since I grew up in in a 1350 sq ft and a 1500 sq ft house.