Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 691433 times)

kms

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2400 on: January 10, 2017, 03:00:26 PM »
Didn't know that, thank you. Maybe it depends on the shelter? I've only taken a cat from a shelter once, many years ago. It was practically free, there was only a small $50 fee and some paperwork but the neutering, the shots, etc. were all included and thus free of charge.
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mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2401 on: January 10, 2017, 03:08:20 PM »
Didn't know that, thank you. Maybe it depends on the shelter? I've only taken a cat from a shelter once, many years ago. It was practically free, there was only a small $50 fee and some paperwork but the neutering, the shots, etc. were all included and thus free of charge.

We adopted 2 elderly dogs from a breed-specific shelter. Their normal fee is $300 per adult dog. Dogs over 6 years old are $200. Since our two are "brothers" and had to be adopted together, our total fee was $300. We paid an extra $100 to help the shelter since we liked them.

That seems to be on the low end of normal for around here--it was actually 3 hours away from where we live. My parents adopted a puppy from a nearby shelter; their fee was $450.

leahd88

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2402 on: January 10, 2017, 04:27:18 PM »
Didn't know that, thank you. Maybe it depends on the shelter? I've only taken a cat from a shelter once, many years ago. It was practically free, there was only a small $50 fee and some paperwork but the neutering, the shots, etc. were all included and thus free of charge.

We adopted 2 elderly dogs from a breed-specific shelter. Their normal fee is $300 per adult dog. Dogs over 6 years old are $200. Since our two are "brothers" and had to be adopted together, our total fee was $300. We paid an extra $100 to help the shelter since we liked them.

That seems to be on the low end of normal for around here--it was actually 3 hours away from where we live. My parents adopted a puppy from a nearby shelter; their fee was $450.

I help run a local rescue group in the state where I live.  We take in dogs and cats at risk of euthanasia in our state and the surrounding ones.  We pay to have the dogs fully vaccinated, spayed/neutered, and microchipped and for any other medical needs they may have.  The cost of the dog to the adopter then depends on it's age.  Dogs under 1 year are $150 with a $100 training deposit.  Dogs 1-7 years are $150 with a $50 training deposit.  Dogs over 7 years are $150 no training deposit.  The training deposits are refundable to adopters upon completion of a training course of their choice.  The idea being that trained dogs rarely end up in the shelters (which has proven to have great success).

The $150 we charge rarely covers the cost of the services we provide each dog.  The rest of the money comes from donations and grants.  This is the way most 501c3 rescues operate.

Shelters are entirely different as they rely on local government funding to operate (if that's even available).  If you are adopting an animal straight from the shelter, especially in rural areas, you will likely have to pay for the vaccines, spay/neuter, and microchip plus an adoption fee that goes to the city or municipality.

That being said, this can vary widely depending on the area you are in and the shelter or rescue organization you're working with.  We have people come complain to us quite regularly that our fee is $150 but some other group is only $100.  Why can't we do $100?

I tell them, if $50 is the problem, they shouldn't be adopting any animal.  That will be the least of their expenses related to caring for a pet for the duration of it's life and they need to be more financially aware of what having a pet costs.

With This Herring

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2403 on: January 10, 2017, 04:43:04 PM »
*snip*
The apartment is heated to 22-23C. I mention that their power bill is the same as ours (and we heat a HOUSE that's at least 6-8x the square footage, gets north wind off a lake hitting the front door, and is about 500m higher in altitude with the associated colder temperatures), and mention that we lower the heat to 16-17C at night and wear flannel PJs, have flannel sheets, and sleep under thick duvets.
*snip*

A bit off topic, but for long-term improvements can you plan some evergreen trees to block the north wind?
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Kitsune

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2404 on: January 10, 2017, 04:51:13 PM »
*snip*
The apartment is heated to 22-23C. I mention that their power bill is the same as ours (and we heat a HOUSE that's at least 6-8x the square footage, gets north wind off a lake hitting the front door, and is about 500m higher in altitude with the associated colder temperatures), and mention that we lower the heat to 16-17C at night and wear flannel PJs, have flannel sheets, and sleep under thick duvets.
*snip*

A bit off topic, but for long-term improvements can you plan some evergreen trees to block the north wind?

We did. And then they got eaten (either deer or rabbits or that infernal groundhog who wanders off with my sweet pea shoots). Re-planting is the plan, either next year or the year after. Or, yknow... whenever my forestry technician SIL winds up with 20-odd evergreens left over from a job and dumps them at our place. That's also how we got maples and hickories. :)

Fiscal_Hawk

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2405 on: January 10, 2017, 09:22:43 PM »
My SIL is something else and it never stops.

Before I came into the picture, she started by earning her degree in French. Took out a bunch of loans for school of course. Then she went on a six month internship to France. The best part is she took some sort of unpaid internship and took out loans/ CC to pay for this 6 month binge of French culture.

I start dating my now wife and we get married (about 5 years ago). At this point, said SIL is in her late 20's living at home working odd part time jobs because what else can you do with a degree in French in a small midwestern town? Well, she finally got a job at the local University (yay for benefits and adulting, right?). So, you figure since she was living rent-free that she would stockpile savings and eventually move out? Nope.

A couple years later my FIL and MIL finally "kick" her out by all of us encouraging her to get out on her own. She finally gets an apartment, which by the way she pays $400 a month (small town midwest is cheap) all the while complaining about how she has no money. She is making around 40k by the way. However, she loves pampering herself and spending lots of money. Days at the salon, massages, spa, and other high end services that she can't afford. She literally gets a massage per week because "she works hard and wasn't pampered growing up".  Keep in mind this is a great small town family with midwest roots and frugal parents (for the most part) so she should be a bit more "grounded".

Anyway, flash forward to current times. She has pretty much moved back in with MIL. Once her lease is up in April, I think she will be officially back in there. She says 40k isn't enough to live on her own and her MIL is buying this crap again. Somehow, 10 years after college she still hasn't paid back her student loans, still has debt from CC, and hasn't learned anything from the things we have tried to teach her. The best part is that she has been staying at the MIL's pretty much every night. Yet, she still has cable hooked up at her apartment, runs the heat at 72 degrees, and has internet. And, she is never even there except to grab clothes.

I love my MIL but the enabling drives up the wall.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2406 on: January 11, 2017, 01:10:51 AM »
The training deposits are refundable to adopters upon completion of a training course of their choice.  The idea being that trained dogs rarely end up in the shelters (which has proven to have great success).

This is the smartest thing I've heard this year.

With This Herring

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2407 on: January 11, 2017, 11:46:37 AM »
*snip*
The apartment is heated to 22-23C. I mention that their power bill is the same as ours (and we heat a HOUSE that's at least 6-8x the square footage, gets north wind off a lake hitting the front door, and is about 500m higher in altitude with the associated colder temperatures), and mention that we lower the heat to 16-17C at night and wear flannel PJs, have flannel sheets, and sleep under thick duvets.
*snip*

A bit off topic, but for long-term improvements can you plan some evergreen trees to block the north wind?

We did. And then they got eaten (either deer or rabbits or that infernal groundhog who wanders off with my sweet pea shoots). Re-planting is the plan, either next year or the year after. Or, yknow... whenever my forestry technician SIL winds up with 20-odd evergreens left over from a job and dumps them at our place. That's also how we got maples and hickories. :)

Ooo, that works!  Pesky varmints.
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AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2408 on: January 11, 2017, 01:20:04 PM »
My SIL is something else and it never stops.

Before I came into the picture, she started by earning her degree in French. Took out a bunch of loans for school of course. Then she went on a six month internship to France. The best part is she took some sort of unpaid internship and took out loans/ CC to pay for this 6 month binge of French culture.

I start dating my now wife and we get married (about 5 years ago). At this point, said SIL is in her late 20's living at home working odd part time jobs because what else can you do with a degree in French in a small midwestern town? Well, she finally got a job at the local University (yay for benefits and adulting, right?). So, you figure since she was living rent-free that she would stockpile savings and eventually move out? Nope.

A couple years later my FIL and MIL finally "kick" her out by all of us encouraging her to get out on her own. She finally gets an apartment, which by the way she pays $400 a month (small town midwest is cheap) all the while complaining about how she has no money. She is making around 40k by the way. However, she loves pampering herself and spending lots of money. Days at the salon, massages, spa, and other high end services that she can't afford. She literally gets a massage per week because "she works hard and wasn't pampered growing up".  Keep in mind this is a great small town family with midwest roots and frugal parents (for the most part) so she should be a bit more "grounded".

Anyway, flash forward to current times. She has pretty much moved back in with MIL. Once her lease is up in April, I think she will be officially back in there. She says 40k isn't enough to live on her own and her MIL is buying this crap again. Somehow, 10 years after college she still hasn't paid back her student loans, still has debt from CC, and hasn't learned anything from the things we have tried to teach her. The best part is that she has been staying at the MIL's pretty much every night. Yet, she still has cable hooked up at her apartment, runs the heat at 72 degrees, and has internet. And, she is never even there except to grab clothes.

I love my MIL but the enabling drives up the wall.

Sounds like being in debt is her normal, she may not understand (deep down internally) that it does not have to be that way.  She may see others out of debt but does not really apply it to herself.  Or she really likes massages and sushi and is willing to live with her parents to make that happen... \_(ツ)_/
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Ralph2

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2409 on: January 12, 2017, 07:48:17 PM »
Yes! Exactly! To clarify further: hydro Quebec is our power company, and is provincially owned and run with usually cheap electric rates... until you go above a daily threshold and then the rates mpcan more than double. And if you're doing that in winter and some of your heat is electric and you're already raising the heat, any power-using decision pushes your bill that much closer to double-billing territory. Usually 2+ loads of laundry in the dryer in one day will do it. And then ANY extra power used is at higher rates (oven, heating, water heater, etc...) so there's definite incentive to use less overall. Its not a direct cost-per-use calculation

I know some electric companies try to bill based on time of day so as to incentivize not using lots of power when the power grid is already taxed - like, people get home and turn on the heat from 5-8pm, and make dinner and turn on TVs and generally use power, so you may as well incentivize laudpndru after 10pm, when the power grid isn't already taxed. It makes a certain amount of sense.
I never knew this existed either. That is until we moved to Austin. Austin Energy does the same thing, the rates more than double after the first 500kWh and even quadruple above 2500kWh. Screenshot below from their website (http://austinenergy.com/wps/portal/ae/rates/residential-rates/residential-electric-rates-and-line-items).

They even have summer and winter rates, with winter being significantly cheaper than summer.

Just did the calcs based on Austin rates and my monthly bill would be at most $18 that's amazing! Have i really calculated that correctly?? We use about 9kwh/day average, 10kwh in summer to run the aircon.

Yes you did, I ran my usage also and came to a total $25 a month at most. Use between 14 - 16 kwh/day.
We pay way too much for both electricity and fuel (petrol & LPG) in OZ.

JAYSLOL

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2410 on: January 12, 2017, 09:58:17 PM »
*snip*
The apartment is heated to 22-23C. I mention that their power bill is the same as ours (and we heat a HOUSE that's at least 6-8x the square footage, gets north wind off a lake hitting the front door, and is about 500m higher in altitude with the associated colder temperatures), and mention that we lower the heat to 16-17C at night and wear flannel PJs, have flannel sheets, and sleep under thick duvets.
*snip*

A bit off topic, but for long-term improvements can you plan some evergreen trees to block the north wind?

We did. And then they got eaten (either deer or rabbits or that infernal groundhog who wanders off with my sweet pea shoots). Re-planting is the plan, either next year or the year after. Or, yknow... whenever my forestry technician SIL winds up with 20-odd evergreens left over from a job and dumps them at our place. That's also how we got maples and hickories. :)

Clearly the food chain doesn't go high enough in your area, your going to have to start eating deer and rabbit :)

BFGirl

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2411 on: January 13, 2017, 10:26:29 AM »
My SIL is something else and it never stops.

Before I came into the picture, she started by earning her degree in French. Took out a bunch of loans for school of course. Then she went on a six month internship to France. The best part is she took some sort of unpaid internship and took out loans/ CC to pay for this 6 month binge of French culture.

I start dating my now wife and we get married (about 5 years ago). At this point, said SIL is in her late 20's living at home working odd part time jobs because what else can you do with a degree in French in a small midwestern town? Well, she finally got a job at the local University (yay for benefits and adulting, right?). So, you figure since she was living rent-free that she would stockpile savings and eventually move out? Nope.

A couple years later my FIL and MIL finally "kick" her out by all of us encouraging her to get out on her own. She finally gets an apartment, which by the way she pays $400 a month (small town midwest is cheap) all the while complaining about how she has no money. She is making around 40k by the way. However, she loves pampering herself and spending lots of money. Days at the salon, massages, spa, and other high end services that she can't afford. She literally gets a massage per week because "she works hard and wasn't pampered growing up".  Keep in mind this is a great small town family with midwest roots and frugal parents (for the most part) so she should be a bit more "grounded".

Anyway, flash forward to current times. She has pretty much moved back in with MIL. Once her lease is up in April, I think she will be officially back in there. She says 40k isn't enough to live on her own and her MIL is buying this crap again. Somehow, 10 years after college she still hasn't paid back her student loans, still has debt from CC, and hasn't learned anything from the things we have tried to teach her. The best part is that she has been staying at the MIL's pretty much every night. Yet, she still has cable hooked up at her apartment, runs the heat at 72 degrees, and has internet. And, she is never even there except to grab clothes.

I love my MIL but the enabling drives up the wall.

My daughter is majoring in French.  I've encouraged her to pair it with some business or tech classes.  Of course, I majored in English...

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2412 on: January 13, 2017, 10:41:48 AM »
My SIL is something else and it never stops.

Before I came into the picture, she started by earning her degree in French. Took out a bunch of loans for school of course. Then she went on a six month internship to France. The best part is she took some sort of unpaid internship and took out loans/ CC to pay for this 6 month binge of French culture.

I start dating my now wife and we get married (about 5 years ago). At this point, said SIL is in her late 20's living at home working odd part time jobs because what else can you do with a degree in French in a small midwestern town? Well, she finally got a job at the local University (yay for benefits and adulting, right?). So, you figure since she was living rent-free that she would stockpile savings and eventually move out? Nope.

A couple years later my FIL and MIL finally "kick" her out by all of us encouraging her to get out on her own. She finally gets an apartment, which by the way she pays $400 a month (small town midwest is cheap) all the while complaining about how she has no money. She is making around 40k by the way. However, she loves pampering herself and spending lots of money. Days at the salon, massages, spa, and other high end services that she can't afford. She literally gets a massage per week because "she works hard and wasn't pampered growing up".  Keep in mind this is a great small town family with midwest roots and frugal parents (for the most part) so she should be a bit more "grounded".

Anyway, flash forward to current times. She has pretty much moved back in with MIL. Once her lease is up in April, I think she will be officially back in there. She says 40k isn't enough to live on her own and her MIL is buying this crap again. Somehow, 10 years after college she still hasn't paid back her student loans, still has debt from CC, and hasn't learned anything from the things we have tried to teach her. The best part is that she has been staying at the MIL's pretty much every night. Yet, she still has cable hooked up at her apartment, runs the heat at 72 degrees, and has internet. And, she is never even there except to grab clothes.

I love my MIL but the enabling drives up the wall.

My daughter is majoring in French.  I've encouraged her to pair it with some business or tech classes.  Of course, I majored in English...

I don't think that a straight French or English or History degree is the worst thing in the world. The challenge they present is getting that first job. In that case, prior work experience and connections are of utmost importance. But after a year or two it doesn't hurt all that much.

Adventine

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2413 on: January 13, 2017, 11:45:03 AM »
My SIL is something else and it never stops.

Before I came into the picture, she started by earning her degree in French. Took out a bunch of loans for school of course. Then she went on a six month internship to France. The best part is she took some sort of unpaid internship and took out loans/ CC to pay for this 6 month binge of French culture.

I start dating my now wife and we get married (about 5 years ago). At this point, said SIL is in her late 20's living at home working odd part time jobs because what else can you do with a degree in French in a small midwestern town? Well, she finally got a job at the local University (yay for benefits and adulting, right?). So, you figure since she was living rent-free that she would stockpile savings and eventually move out? Nope.

A couple years later my FIL and MIL finally "kick" her out by all of us encouraging her to get out on her own. She finally gets an apartment, which by the way she pays $400 a month (small town midwest is cheap) all the while complaining about how she has no money. She is making around 40k by the way. However, she loves pampering herself and spending lots of money. Days at the salon, massages, spa, and other high end services that she can't afford. She literally gets a massage per week because "she works hard and wasn't pampered growing up".  Keep in mind this is a great small town family with midwest roots and frugal parents (for the most part) so she should be a bit more "grounded".

Anyway, flash forward to current times. She has pretty much moved back in with MIL. Once her lease is up in April, I think she will be officially back in there. She says 40k isn't enough to live on her own and her MIL is buying this crap again. Somehow, 10 years after college she still hasn't paid back her student loans, still has debt from CC, and hasn't learned anything from the things we have tried to teach her. The best part is that she has been staying at the MIL's pretty much every night. Yet, she still has cable hooked up at her apartment, runs the heat at 72 degrees, and has internet. And, she is never even there except to grab clothes.

I love my MIL but the enabling drives up the wall.

My daughter is majoring in French.  I've encouraged her to pair it with some business or tech classes.  Of course, I majored in English...

I don't think that a straight French or English or History degree is the worst thing in the world. The challenge they present is getting that first job. In that case, prior work experience and connections are of utmost importance. But after a year or two it doesn't hurt all that much.

I actually majored in French and minored in English literature. I was employed a month before my actual college graduation ceremony. It's been eight years since then, and the longest time I've been unemployed is right now (a grand total of two weeks). I live in a Third World country. And I'm still well on my way to FIRE.

It isn't the French major that's the problem. It's the person holding the degree.

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2414 on: January 13, 2017, 07:22:58 PM »
Staying with relatives this weekend, and it happens to be a hot couple of days.

Their AC is on the blink, so it cuts out after a few minutes. (I think it's a thermostat problem but they just looked at me blankly when I mentioned it.)

So they turn AC on, make a big fuss about standing in front of it to cool down, then it cuts out, and they complain about how hot it is and wait for it to come back on.

The heat isn't nearly as bad as listening to them complain about it.

Even worse is that there is a reasonable breeze out there - just give up on the AC and open the bloody windows!

We don't have AC at home so we have adapted to the heat to some extent, but my husband has been in snowy parts of the US for a week and even he is raising an eyebrow at the hysterics over a warm day.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2415 on: January 14, 2017, 12:51:59 AM »
My SIL is something else and it never stops.
...
I love my MIL but the enabling drives up the wall.
Sounds like being in debt is her normal, she may not understand (deep down internally) that it does not have to be that way.  She may see others out of debt but does not really apply it to herself.  Or she really likes massages and sushi and is willing to live with her parents to make that happen... \_(ツ)_/

IME, this behaviour comes from the answer to 'can I afford it?' and 'is there space on my credit card?' being the same.

JoeO

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2416 on: January 14, 2017, 09:52:59 AM »
My father in law is now living alone in his big house, full of old hobby stuff from his wife who has now moved to a home. He is cleaning his house out and giving away lots of things. I talked to him about our version of Craig's list and asked if he wanted me to demonstrate how it worked. Then at least he would be able to earn some money from all the stuff. I also gave some examples of what we tend to sell and buy.

He answered that he thought it was too much hassle to sell stuff online. And that he didn't know what price to ask. I answered that for the price, you just look up the item online and take a similar price. After a while he started to realize that maybe he should start selling, but concentrate the selling in a shorter period of time.

I agree with him that it is a bit of hassle, but giving away all that stuff for free is such a waste of money.


This brings up an interesting point. Both my parents suffered from Alzheimer's from the time they were in their late 70s. However, we can only see when it started by looking back on it now.

There were very - extremely - subtle clues that only made sense later on. There were tasks and decisions and ways of doing things that they should have been able, willing, even wanting to do, but that they were inexplicably resistant to. They fought the idea of doing these tasks, came up with excuses, etc. Looking back, I think we can see that they actually were no longer able to process our suggestions or requests, or simply no longer able to execute. Early dementia is SO SUBTLE.

Just something to keep in mind when dealing with older parents and grandparents and trying to help them or get them to help themselves. They literally may not be able to. And people with very early dementia tend to "cover" for a while.

I still feel terrible about the time I witnessed family members yelling at, scolding, and berating my wonderful, gentle dad when he was acting in kind of an irrational way - going off to do something completely at odds with the task the family was trying to accomplish at the time. He was, in their minds, not being a team player. The look on his face when being yelled at pains me still. So confused. I know now it was his Alzheimer's at work.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2017, 10:02:00 AM by JoeO »

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2417 on: January 15, 2017, 01:36:34 AM »
I still feel terrible about the time I witnessed family members yelling at, scolding, and berating my wonderful, gentle dad when he was acting in kind of an irrational way - going off to do something completely at odds with the task the family was trying to accomplish at the time. He was, in their minds, not being a team player. The look on his face when being yelled at pains me still. So confused. I know now it was his Alzheimer's at work.

Interesting point, thanks. I see this in my dad all the time. But he's been doing it for 20 years and is a world class dickhead, so it's probably that.

Friar

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2418 on: January 15, 2017, 05:28:24 AM »
I still feel terrible about the time I witnessed family members yelling at, scolding, and berating my wonderful, gentle dad when he was acting in kind of an irrational way - going off to do something completely at odds with the task the family was trying to accomplish at the time. He was, in their minds, not being a team player. The look on his face when being yelled at pains me still. So confused. I know now it was his Alzheimer's at work.

Interesting point, thanks. I see this in my dad all the time. But he's been doing it for 20 years and is a world class dickhead, so it's probably that.

This got a chuckle out of me. Imagining JoeO meeting your dad interacting with your family and seeing your father do this, pulling you to one side and considerately explaining that your father may have dementia. Only for you to turn around and go "Nope, just a dick."

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2419 on: January 15, 2017, 05:40:47 AM »
Yep, JoeO sounds like a better person than me!

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2420 on: January 15, 2017, 08:06:02 PM »
My SIL is something else and it never stops.

Before I came into the picture, she started by earning her degree in French. Took out a bunch of loans for school of course. Then she went on a six month internship to France. The best part is she took some sort of unpaid internship and took out loans/ CC to pay for this 6 month binge of French culture.

I start dating my now wife and we get married (about 5 years ago). At this point, said SIL is in her late 20's living at home working odd part time jobs because what else can you do with a degree in French in a small midwestern town? Well, she finally got a job at the local University (yay for benefits and adulting, right?). So, you figure since she was living rent-free that she would stockpile savings and eventually move out? Nope.

A couple years later my FIL and MIL finally "kick" her out by all of us encouraging her to get out on her own. She finally gets an apartment, which by the way she pays $400 a month (small town midwest is cheap) all the while complaining about how she has no money. She is making around 40k by the way. However, she loves pampering herself and spending lots of money. Days at the salon, massages, spa, and other high end services that she can't afford. She literally gets a massage per week because "she works hard and wasn't pampered growing up".  Keep in mind this is a great small town family with midwest roots and frugal parents (for the most part) so she should be a bit more "grounded".

Anyway, flash forward to current times. She has pretty much moved back in with MIL. Once her lease is up in April, I think she will be officially back in there. She says 40k isn't enough to live on her own and her MIL is buying this crap again. Somehow, 10 years after college she still hasn't paid back her student loans, still has debt from CC, and hasn't learned anything from the things we have tried to teach her. The best part is that she has been staying at the MIL's pretty much every night. Yet, she still has cable hooked up at her apartment, runs the heat at 72 degrees, and has internet. And, she is never even there except to grab clothes.

I love my MIL but the enabling drives up the wall.

My daughter is majoring in French.  I've encouraged her to pair it with some business or tech classes.  Of course, I majored in English...

I don't think that a straight French or English or History degree is the worst thing in the world. The challenge they present is getting that first job. In that case, prior work experience and connections are of utmost importance. But after a year or two it doesn't hurt all that much.

I actually majored in French and minored in English literature. I was employed a month before my actual college graduation ceremony. It's been eight years since then, and the longest time I've been unemployed is right now (a grand total of two weeks). I live in a Third World country. And I'm still well on my way to FIRE.

It isn't the French major that's the problem. It's the person holding the degree.

Here I thought it was my degree that was worthless. Turns out it's just me! :D
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2421 on: January 16, 2017, 07:27:02 PM »
My father in law is now living alone in his big house, full of old hobby stuff from his wife who has now moved to a home. He is cleaning his house out and giving away lots of things. I talked to him about our version of Craig's list and asked if he wanted me to demonstrate how it worked. Then at least he would be able to earn some money from all the stuff. I also gave some examples of what we tend to sell and buy.

He answered that he thought it was too much hassle to sell stuff online. And that he didn't know what price to ask. I answered that for the price, you just look up the item online and take a similar price. After a while he started to realize that maybe he should start selling, but concentrate the selling in a shorter period of time.

I agree with him that it is a bit of hassle, but giving away all that stuff for free is such a waste of money.


This brings up an interesting point. Both my parents suffered from Alzheimer's from the time they were in their late 70s. However, we can only see when it started by looking back on it now.

There were very - extremely - subtle clues that only made sense later on. There were tasks and decisions and ways of doing things that they should have been able, willing, even wanting to do, but that they were inexplicably resistant to. They fought the idea of doing these tasks, came up with excuses, etc. Looking back, I think we can see that they actually were no longer able to process our suggestions or requests, or simply no longer able to execute. Early dementia is SO SUBTLE.

Just something to keep in mind when dealing with older parents and grandparents and trying to help them or get them to help themselves. They literally may not be able to. And people with very early dementia tend to "cover" for a while.

I still feel terrible about the time I witnessed family members yelling at, scolding, and berating my wonderful, gentle dad when he was acting in kind of an irrational way - going off to do something completely at odds with the task the family was trying to accomplish at the time. He was, in their minds, not being a team player. The look on his face when being yelled at pains me still. So confused. I know now it was his Alzheimer's at work.

Yep, we're about 98% sure my dad has early dementia. Some of the effects on the family (ie, who does what) have been fascinating. Mom drives almost all the time. Used to be dad. I do their taxes and help with big picture money stuff. Used to be dad, with heavy resistance if I offered. Sister is handling legal stuff more, with mom's help. The biggest thing we see is I can't ask dad to do a list of things - he just can't do it. It's one at a time, and more complex things he can't handle even broken down. The executive processing skills are not there anymore. This is a man who had the electrical, plumbing, and carpentry skills to practically build his own house if he wanted. And now he can't hang curtains.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2422 on: January 17, 2017, 01:06:55 AM »
My father in law is now living alone in his big house, full of old hobby stuff from his wife who has now moved to a home. He is cleaning his house out and giving away lots of things. I talked to him about our version of Craig's list and asked if he wanted me to demonstrate how it worked. Then at least he would be able to earn some money from all the stuff. I also gave some examples of what we tend to sell and buy.

He answered that he thought it was too much hassle to sell stuff online. And that he didn't know what price to ask. I answered that for the price, you just look up the item online and take a similar price. After a while he started to realize that maybe he should start selling, but concentrate the selling in a shorter period of time.

I agree with him that it is a bit of hassle, but giving away all that stuff for free is such a waste of money.


This brings up an interesting point. Both my parents suffered from Alzheimer's from the time they were in their late 70s. However, we can only see when it started by looking back on it now.

There were very - extremely - subtle clues that only made sense later on. There were tasks and decisions and ways of doing things that they should have been able, willing, even wanting to do, but that they were inexplicably resistant to. They fought the idea of doing these tasks, came up with excuses, etc. Looking back, I think we can see that they actually were no longer able to process our suggestions or requests, or simply no longer able to execute. Early dementia is SO SUBTLE.

Just something to keep in mind when dealing with older parents and grandparents and trying to help them or get them to help themselves. They literally may not be able to. And people with very early dementia tend to "cover" for a while.

I still feel terrible about the time I witnessed family members yelling at, scolding, and berating my wonderful, gentle dad when he was acting in kind of an irrational way - going off to do something completely at odds with the task the family was trying to accomplish at the time. He was, in their minds, not being a team player. The look on his face when being yelled at pains me still. So confused. I know now it was his Alzheimer's at work.

Yep, we're about 98% sure my dad has early dementia. Some of the effects on the family (ie, who does what) have been fascinating. Mom drives almost all the time. Used to be dad. I do their taxes and help with big picture money stuff. Used to be dad, with heavy resistance if I offered. Sister is handling legal stuff more, with mom's help. The biggest thing we see is I can't ask dad to do a list of things - he just can't do it. It's one at a time, and more complex things he can't handle even broken down. The executive processing skills are not there anymore. This is a man who had the electrical, plumbing, and carpentry skills to practically build his own house if he wanted. And now he can't hang curtains.

In our case it is the opposite. My MIL has now real dementia and has had slightly noticeable early dementia for years. FIL is not there, he seems to me mentally fine. He has been looking after his wife for a long time, but couldn't cope with it any more after she went out of bed 12 times every night, requiring a lot of assistance on many fronts. FIL couldn't get any sleep because of her. For his reluctance of using his local version of Craig's list, I think he is just not used selling stuff online and has probably never done this before. He also managed to have a really full personal program and social life after he retired. Much more than his wife had. I think this might have contributed to her deteriorating sooner.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2423 on: January 17, 2017, 06:06:36 AM »
There are a lot of scammers out there. I'd be wary of my elderly parents putting things on Craig's list- they could get robbed later.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2424 on: January 17, 2017, 12:09:59 PM »
My SIL is something else and it never stops.

Before I came into the picture, she started by earning her degree in French. Took out a bunch of loans for school of course. Then she went on a six month internship to France. The best part is she took some sort of unpaid internship and took out loans/ CC to pay for this 6 month binge of French culture.

I start dating my now wife and we get married (about 5 years ago). At this point, said SIL is in her late 20's living at home working odd part time jobs because what else can you do with a degree in French in a small midwestern town? Well, she finally got a job at the local University (yay for benefits and adulting, right?). So, you figure since she was living rent-free that she would stockpile savings and eventually move out? Nope.

A couple years later my FIL and MIL finally "kick" her out by all of us encouraging her to get out on her own. She finally gets an apartment, which by the way she pays $400 a month (small town midwest is cheap) all the while complaining about how she has no money. She is making around 40k by the way. However, she loves pampering herself and spending lots of money. Days at the salon, massages, spa, and other high end services that she can't afford. She literally gets a massage per week because "she works hard and wasn't pampered growing up".  Keep in mind this is a great small town family with midwest roots and frugal parents (for the most part) so she should be a bit more "grounded".

Anyway, flash forward to current times. She has pretty much moved back in with MIL. Once her lease is up in April, I think she will be officially back in there. She says 40k isn't enough to live on her own and her MIL is buying this crap again. Somehow, 10 years after college she still hasn't paid back her student loans, still has debt from CC, and hasn't learned anything from the things we have tried to teach her. The best part is that she has been staying at the MIL's pretty much every night. Yet, she still has cable hooked up at her apartment, runs the heat at 72 degrees, and has internet. And, she is never even there except to grab clothes.

I love my MIL but the enabling drives up the wall.

My daughter is majoring in French.  I've encouraged her to pair it with some business or tech classes.  Of course, I majored in English...

I don't think that a straight French or English or History degree is the worst thing in the world. The challenge they present is getting that first job. In that case, prior work experience and connections are of utmost importance. But after a year or two it doesn't hurt all that much.

I actually majored in French and minored in English literature. I was employed a month before my actual college graduation ceremony. It's been eight years since then, and the longest time I've been unemployed is right now (a grand total of two weeks). I live in a Third World country. And I'm still well on my way to FIRE.

It isn't the French major that's the problem. It's the person holding the degree.

That's awesome!  What type of job did you get?  My daughter would like to travel and loves culture and languages (and is very good at them).  I'd love to give her more ideas of job possibilities.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2425 on: January 17, 2017, 06:43:34 PM »
My SIL is something else and it never stops.

Before I came into the picture, she started by earning her degree in French. Took out a bunch of loans for school of course. Then she went on a six month internship to France. The best part is she took some sort of unpaid internship and took out loans/ CC to pay for this 6 month binge of French culture.

I start dating my now wife and we get married (about 5 years ago). At this point, said SIL is in her late 20's living at home working odd part time jobs because what else can you do with a degree in French in a small midwestern town? Well, she finally got a job at the local University (yay for benefits and adulting, right?). So, you figure since she was living rent-free that she would stockpile savings and eventually move out? Nope.

A couple years later my FIL and MIL finally "kick" her out by all of us encouraging her to get out on her own. She finally gets an apartment, which by the way she pays $400 a month (small town midwest is cheap) all the while complaining about how she has no money. She is making around 40k by the way. However, she loves pampering herself and spending lots of money. Days at the salon, massages, spa, and other high end services that she can't afford. She literally gets a massage per week because "she works hard and wasn't pampered growing up".  Keep in mind this is a great small town family with midwest roots and frugal parents (for the most part) so she should be a bit more "grounded".

Anyway, flash forward to current times. She has pretty much moved back in with MIL. Once her lease is up in April, I think she will be officially back in there. She says 40k isn't enough to live on her own and her MIL is buying this crap again. Somehow, 10 years after college she still hasn't paid back her student loans, still has debt from CC, and hasn't learned anything from the things we have tried to teach her. The best part is that she has been staying at the MIL's pretty much every night. Yet, she still has cable hooked up at her apartment, runs the heat at 72 degrees, and has internet. And, she is never even there except to grab clothes.

I love my MIL but the enabling drives up the wall.

My daughter is majoring in French.  I've encouraged her to pair it with some business or tech classes.  Of course, I majored in English...

I don't think that a straight French or English or History degree is the worst thing in the world. The challenge they present is getting that first job. In that case, prior work experience and connections are of utmost importance. But after a year or two it doesn't hurt all that much.

I actually majored in French and minored in English literature. I was employed a month before my actual college graduation ceremony. It's been eight years since then, and the longest time I've been unemployed is right now (a grand total of two weeks). I live in a Third World country. And I'm still well on my way to FIRE.

It isn't the French major that's the problem. It's the person holding the degree.

That's awesome!  What type of job did you get?  My daughter would like to travel and loves culture and languages (and is very good at them).  I'd love to give her more ideas of job possibilities.

I've worked for several companies in the financial services and government sectors, all using my French/English/Filipino translation skills. Basically, foreign language skills are a niche specialization where I live, so employers pay a premium for people with those skills.

It's also linked to the global outsourcing trend. All the industries I've worked in are moving core functions from expensive First World locations to much cheaper global service centers/shared service centers in the Philippines. I've worked with a lot of expats who have moved here as part of the migration. They do pretty well.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2426 on: January 17, 2017, 07:08:01 PM »
60" teddy bear, seems kinda like a white elephant!
I swear that almost every single big box retailer in my area was selling these things for $20 on Black Friday.
oh gods, yes.  Why don't they just put a sign on them that says:  "You don't know your grandchild, but you want them to love you best.  Buy me!"  I felt sorry for every person I saw tying this thing to the roof of their car.  It just seemed like a pathetic attempt to buy love. 

Oh no, I've become mustache-cynical.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2427 on: January 18, 2017, 06:43:19 AM »
60" teddy bear, seems kinda like a white elephant!
I swear that almost every single big box retailer in my area was selling these things for $20 on Black Friday.
oh gods, yes.  Why don't they just put a sign on them that says:  "You don't know your grandchild, but you want them to love you best.  Buy me!"  I felt sorry for every person I saw tying this thing to the roof of their car.  It just seemed like a pathetic attempt to buy love. 

Oh no, I've become mustache-cynical.

I bought a huge teddy for my now wife because I thought it was super funny, and it kinda worked like a chair It was more of a gag gift than anything else.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2428 on: January 18, 2017, 07:41:43 AM »
I actually majored in French and minored in English literature. I was employed a month before my actual college graduation ceremony. It's been eight years since then, and the longest time I've been unemployed is right now (a grand total of two weeks). I live in a Third World country. And I'm still well on my way to FIRE.

It isn't the French major that's the problem. It's the person holding the degree.

Exactly. And a foreign language is at least an actual skill. With many humanities subjects, a lot of people incorrectly think they're as good as someone with a college major in the subject; I met a lot of "I'm smart, I went to college, therefore I can write" people in my pre-lawyer career as a grantwriter and copywriter, and believe me, those people were wrong. And I'm sure it's the same with things like history ("I'm smart, I watch the History Channel..."). At least with a foreign language major, every reasonable person on earth realizes that you do have an actual skill that they don't have.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2429 on: January 18, 2017, 07:48:47 AM »
That's awesome!  What type of job did you get?  My daughter would like to travel and loves culture and languages (and is very good at them).  I'd love to give her more ideas of job possibilities.

Depending how good her language skills are (or how much more time she's willing/able to invest in improving them), any of the following is a pretty obvious option--though again it also depends what her other interests and priorities are:

- Teaching (this will require a teaching certificate if she wants to work in public schools, but WARN HER AWAY from doing a French PhD in hopes of becoming a college professor--almost the only college French teaching jobs available these days are adjunct positions, which are absolutely awful, with no benefits or job security; in any given year you're lucky if there are more than 8-10 tenure track French professor jobs available in the ENTIRE United States, including jobs at tiny community colleges in horrible places hardly anyone wants to live, and I guarantee each of those jobs will have 500-1000 applicants--it's a terrible market)

- Hospitality (hotels, restaurants, etc., domestic or international; or major-city Chambers of Commerce)

- Tourism (e.g. being a tour guide--I know a guy who started a company that does bicycle tours in France; he goes there several times a year, that's his life now)

- Translation

- Interpretation

- Country-specific commerce (e.g. working for a wine importer or some other type of company that does a lot of business with France; fashion and cinema might be two other areas where there would be this type of work; as a similar though non-French example I heard of a high-fashion shoe store run by a woman who goes to Spain at least twice a year to find new shoe styles she wants to import)

« Last Edit: January 18, 2017, 07:52:26 AM by Daleth »

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2430 on: January 18, 2017, 07:59:55 AM »
I actually majored in French and minored in English literature. I was employed a month before my actual college graduation ceremony. It's been eight years since then, and the longest time I've been unemployed is right now (a grand total of two weeks). I live in a Third World country. And I'm still well on my way to FIRE.

It isn't the French major that's the problem. It's the person holding the degree.

Exactly. And a foreign language is at least an actual skill. With many humanities subjects, a lot of people incorrectly think they're as good as someone with a college major in the subject; I met a lot of "I'm smart, I went to college, therefore I can write" people in my pre-lawyer career as a grantwriter and copywriter, and believe me, those people were wrong. And I'm sure it's the same with things like history ("I'm smart, I watch the History Channel..."). At least with a foreign language major, every reasonable person on earth realizes that you do have an actual skill that they don't have.

I see this a lot, too. People underestimate the humanities in general.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2431 on: January 18, 2017, 09:34:43 AM »
And I'm sure it's the same with things like history ("I'm smart, I watch the History Channel...").

I live with a professional historian.  I'm an amateur historian.   

If you get your history from the History Channel, you're getting a lot of bad information.

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2432 on: January 18, 2017, 10:22:27 AM »
Quote
It's also linked to the global outsourcing trend. All the industries I've worked in are moving core functions from expensive First World locations to much cheaper global service centers/shared service centers in the Philippines. I've worked with a lot of expats who have moved here as part of the migration. They do pretty well.

Yup, I'm an engineer and my company outsources to the Philippines.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2433 on: January 18, 2017, 10:35:03 AM »
And I'm sure it's the same with things like history ("I'm smart, I watch the History Channel...").

I live with a professional historian.  I'm an amateur historian.   

If you get your history from the History Channel, you're getting a lot of bad information.

Does the History Channel even do history anymore? I remember in high school loving HC, they had analysis on battles and historical figures and it felt fascinating.

thebattlewalrus

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2434 on: January 18, 2017, 10:55:25 AM »
And I'm sure it's the same with things like history ("I'm smart, I watch the History Channel...").

I live with a professional historian.  I'm an amateur historian.   

If you get your history from the History Channel, you're getting a lot of bad information.

Does the History Channel even do history anymore? I remember in high school loving HC, they had analysis on battles and historical figures and it felt fascinating.

Not much, more reality series garbage IMO than anything else. I think that they still occasionally do historical figures/famous battles but I am not sure.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2435 on: January 18, 2017, 11:01:31 AM »
And I'm sure it's the same with things like history ("I'm smart, I watch the History Channel...").

I live with a professional historian.  I'm an amateur historian.   

If you get your history from the History Channel, you're getting a lot of bad information.

Does the History Channel even do history anymore? I remember in high school loving HC, they had analysis on battles and historical figures and it felt fascinating.

The last time I checked, the answer was no. And the sister H2 channel, which seemed like the last refuge of History's history programming, was turned over to Vice some time ago.  A lot of war history programming can be found now on American Heroes Channel (formerly Military Channel).

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2436 on: January 18, 2017, 11:38:24 AM »
And I'm sure it's the same with things like history ("I'm smart, I watch the History Channel...").

I live with a professional historian.  I'm an amateur historian.   

If you get your history from the History Channel, you're getting a lot of bad information.

Does the History Channel even do history anymore? I remember in high school loving HC, they had analysis on battles and historical figures and it felt fascinating.

The last time I checked, the answer was no. And the sister H2 channel, which seemed like the last refuge of History's history programming, was turned over to Vice some time ago.  A lot of war history programming can be found now on American Heroes Channel (formerly Military Channel).

Makes me more glad that I'm a cord-cutter. I remember reading in Bourdain's book "Raw" how he felt pushed out of Food Network (they wanted him to stop going to international locales and focus instead on American cities) and so he went to the Travel Network...which ended up getting bought by the same company that owns the Food Network, so he's now at CNN.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2437 on: January 18, 2017, 12:15:07 PM »
And I'm sure it's the same with things like history ("I'm smart, I watch the History Channel...").

I live with a professional historian.  I'm an amateur historian.   

If you get your history from the History Channel, you're getting a lot of bad information.

You mean the "Hitlery Channel"?

Its a shame all of our TV must come with reality TV and the American perspective ONLY. So many interesting things in the world and I'm so over the American TV perspective.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2017, 12:16:47 PM by Tasty Pinecones »

BFGirl

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2438 on: January 18, 2017, 12:18:00 PM »
Thanks all for the tips on uses with language degrees, some we've looked at, others we haven't.  She actually takes multiple language classes but French is the one she has the most experience with.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2439 on: January 18, 2017, 12:52:26 PM »
Thanks all for the tips on uses with language degrees, some we've looked at, others we haven't.  She actually takes multiple language classes but French is the one she has the most experience with.

The interesting thing about language and humanities degrees is that there's not always demand for the work locally. A person has to be willing and able to relocate to areas where the degree is in demand. Sometimes it's as simple as moving to a big city, but I know folks who went overseas.
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Adventine

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2440 on: January 18, 2017, 06:56:26 PM »
Thanks all for the tips on uses with language degrees, some we've looked at, others we haven't.  She actually takes multiple language classes but French is the one she has the most experience with.

The interesting thing about language and humanities degrees is that there's not always demand for the work locally. A person has to be willing and able to relocate to areas where the degree is in demand. Sometimes it's as simple as moving to a big city, but I know folks who went overseas.

Yes, exactly right. It's all about being flexible enough to go where there is a market for your particular skillset. Some people get too comfortable or complacent with their idea of home.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2441 on: January 19, 2017, 09:00:00 AM »

My daughter is majoring in French.  I've encouraged her to pair it with some business or tech classes.  Of course, I majored in English...

I don't think that a straight French or English or History degree is the worst thing in the world. The challenge they present is getting that first job. In that case, prior work experience and connections are of utmost importance. But after a year or two it doesn't hurt all that much.

I actually majored in French and minored in English literature. I was employed a month before my actual college graduation ceremony. It's been eight years since then, and the longest time I've been unemployed is right now (a grand total of two weeks). I live in a Third World country. And I'm still well on my way to FIRE.

It isn't the French major that's the problem. It's the person holding the degree.

This is a good point. I didn't intend to say French is a bad degree. However, when your life plans involve living in a small midwest town, that makes it a bit harder to find good employment. That being said, it did lead her to a job with the local university which has been good (40k + good benefits). Her issue isn't her degree at this point, it's her spending and complete inability to be fully independent because of that.

Her choice to major in French was because she liked French cuisine and culture. That lead to the 6 month stint (binge) in France where she racked up serious debt to experience France. However, she never wanted to leave her small town permanently and had no idea what that meant in terms of a career or future.

BFGirl

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2442 on: January 19, 2017, 10:03:31 AM »
Thanks all for the tips on uses with language degrees, some we've looked at, others we haven't.  She actually takes multiple language classes but French is the one she has the most experience with.

The interesting thing about language and humanities degrees is that there's not always demand for the work locally. A person has to be willing and able to relocate to areas where the degree is in demand. Sometimes it's as simple as moving to a big city, but I know folks who went overseas.

I think she would be willing to relocate for a job, but we live in an area with 7 million people, so hopefully she can find local if she wants to stay here.

AMandM

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2443 on: January 19, 2017, 10:16:00 AM »
Another possible job for a language major: working in the overseas office of a study-abroad program.

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2444 on: January 19, 2017, 10:32:44 AM »
Thanks all for the tips on uses with language degrees, some we've looked at, others we haven't.  She actually takes multiple language classes but French is the one she has the most experience with.

The interesting thing about language and humanities degrees is that there's not always demand for the work locally. A person has to be willing and able to relocate to areas where the degree is in demand. Sometimes it's as simple as moving to a big city, but I know folks who went overseas.
I've got a friend working for the government in Foreign Affairs. He and his family move around a lot.

Adventine

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2445 on: January 19, 2017, 10:53:59 AM »

My daughter is majoring in French.  I've encouraged her to pair it with some business or tech classes.  Of course, I majored in English...

I don't think that a straight French or English or History degree is the worst thing in the world. The challenge they present is getting that first job. In that case, prior work experience and connections are of utmost importance. But after a year or two it doesn't hurt all that much.

I actually majored in French and minored in English literature. I was employed a month before my actual college graduation ceremony. It's been eight years since then, and the longest time I've been unemployed is right now (a grand total of two weeks). I live in a Third World country. And I'm still well on my way to FIRE.

It isn't the French major that's the problem. It's the person holding the degree.

This is a good point. I didn't intend to say French is a bad degree. However, when your life plans involve living in a small midwest town, that makes it a bit harder to find good employment. That being said, it did lead her to a job with the local university which has been good (40k + good benefits). Her issue isn't her degree at this point, it's her spending and complete inability to be fully independent because of that.

Her choice to major in French was because she liked French cuisine and culture. That lead to the 6 month stint (binge) in France where she racked up serious debt to experience France. However, she never wanted to leave her small town permanently and had no idea what that meant in terms of a career or future.

Thanks for clarifying. I agree, with a bit of an "exotic" (maybe a better world is unusual?) degree, she should be willing to expand her job search to well beyong her small town. Classic case of expectations clashing with reality.

Raenia

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2446 on: January 20, 2017, 12:00:15 PM »
Not nearly as bad as most of the stories here, but my sister has been driving me up a wall every time we try to plan something together.  These days it's mostly visits to our mom (we both live in PA, mom lives in FL.)  Since we only go down once a year or so, we usually make a pretty big deal of it, staying in a hotel, going to an amusement part, etc.  My one big expensive trip for the year, but I still try to keep in under control.  This last year we were going to Tampa, spending two days there before driving back to Mom's place for a few more days.  My sister and I agreed to split the hotel costs 50/50, and Mom bought the part tickets.  Flights we booked separately, since my sister and I usually fly out of different airports.  We got a pretty decent deal on the hotel room, and I thought we were all set.

It's not until I get down there and get to the hotel that I discover that she's changed the booking from one room to two, so her husband could come down and join us a day later.  Didn't think she needed to let me know that the bill was going to be double what we agreed. >:(

That was the biggest one recently, but it seems like every time we do something together something like this happens.  She's always saying, "Why not, you can afford it, you make more than us anyway."  Guess what, that means that you CAN'T afford it, not that I CAN.  Of course, I technically can, but the reason I can is cause I don't.

cheapass

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2447 on: January 20, 2017, 12:29:47 PM »
She's always saying, "Why not, you can afford it, you make more than us anyway."  Guess what, that means that you CAN'T afford it, not that I CAN.  Of course, I technically can, but the reason I can is cause I don't.

We should all spend every last dollar we have with the justification of "well, we can afford it!" And then when we're out of dollars we'll still have space on our credit cards to "afford" more things!

Kitsune

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2448 on: January 20, 2017, 12:48:42 PM »
She's always saying, "Why not, you can afford it, you make more than us anyway."  Guess what, that means that you CAN'T afford it, not that I CAN.  Of course, I technically can, but the reason I can is cause I don't.

We should all spend every last dollar we have with the justification of "well, we can afford it!" And then when we're out of dollars we'll still have space on our credit cards to "afford" more things!

Also... what YOU can afford is up to YOU to decide, seeing as it's YOUR money. And not hers..

She doesn't get to spend other people's money because she thinks they can afford it, WTF.

MrMoogle

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2449 on: January 20, 2017, 01:04:48 PM »
If you look at it from her view, it's pretty normal for a married couple to get their own room.  This might be her way of saying she wants time alone with her husband.