Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 647114 times)

Lanthiriel

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2200 on: December 07, 2016, 03:45:21 PM »
My mother just won't stop buying shit she can't afford. Now she has to work two jobs at nearly 60 to maintain a lifestyle that makes no sense for a single woman. She bought a giant house last year that is nearly twice the size of the one that we rent. Her gas guzzling SUV died, so instead of seeing this as an opportunity to downsize to a more suitable car, she goes out and buys another expensive to maintain SUV. She got raked over the coals for it at the stealership. I can't find anywhere where anyone was charging as much as this particular dealer was for the car. It was $2000 more than the highest dealer ad I saw for the same year/make/model/trim. Her credit is junk, so I'm sure the interest rate and loan term is through the roof. She was whining to me about how much it sucks to have to have this payment BUT WHAT WERE HER OTHER CHOICES?

Meanwhile, my grandmother had to buy her another hot water heater because she can't afford even the most basic maintenance on her monstrosity of a house even with two jobs. Can you imagine being nearly 60 and still being financially dependent on your mommy simply because you won't suck it up and live within your means?

A Costco recently opened up near her house, so I bought her a membership for her birthday a few months ago along with some Costco Cash so that she would have access to things like the cheap gas, optical center, etc. She just now went down there. She showed me what she bought, and to her credit, nothing seemed 'stupid'. Thank god for minor miracles, I suppose. Then I said, that was great, but make sure you use Costco for things like the gas and optical. She then said that she couldn't afford glasses and was using a magnifying glass to read everything. @_@ But I suppose it is worth it so that your pets have their own room in your house.

It is Christmas, so I will send her some more Costco Cash and hope she has sense enough to buy some glasses with it before she ends up in a ditch somewhere.

We might have the same mom. I feel for you. It just gets scarier as they get older.

Primm

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2201 on: December 07, 2016, 07:40:44 PM »
Wow- I had no idea cremation was so expensive. It must be simpler with an infant, because I paid $100, including an urn when I had a stillborn.

Sorry to hear about your baby. I don't know how long ago it was, but the grief around that sort of thing has no time limits.

I work in NICU so deal with this a lot, and it's not uncommon for the funeral directors around here to basically do a "freebie" for stillbirths and babies who die soon after, along with keeping the baby for as long as it takes until the parents are ready. You may have been a beneficiary of the same sort of goodwill.

HairyUpperLip

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2202 on: December 09, 2016, 08:22:44 AM »
I work in NICU

Must be rough. I appreciate what you do!

Bumperpuff

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2203 on: December 11, 2016, 09:21:04 PM »
Someone here at the MMM forums already said it: We've gotten to a point of equilibrium regarding stuff. We don't need stuff. Don't want much stuff. Don't want to trade gift cards.

If stuff doesn't add something to our life, it becomes a bother b/c it needs to be stored or shifted or cleaned.

Let's save the money and do something else with it we would never otherwise do.

This is that point where more money doesn't deliver any more happiness b/c a person can only buy so much (ordinary) stuff. Not rich enough for spectacular traveling but rich enough to own enough stuff.

I'd rather save up and make our house nicer or pay someone with experience to speed through some renovation task it would take us five times longer to do.

My preferred gifts, to both give and receive, are homemade consumables and items the recipient can't get themselves. I give my family and friends homemade meads, wines, jams, and baked goods and have received homemade bacon, canned goods, and fruit cakes. This allows everyone to give a present that costs them very little, but is of great value to the recipient. The wonders of economics and trade 🙂

Milkman666

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2204 on: December 12, 2016, 08:33:44 AM »
Brother In Law (BIL): Hey, did you see my new truck? I got a diesel!

Me: No, I didn't notice.

BIL: Got it for $2500. I had to put 4 new tires on it, and it needs transmission lines, brakes and a muffler.

Me: What did you do with your old truck?

BIL: I still have it. It's a good truck.

This conversation took place at a family Christmas party after I had to bring veggie trays in addition to the tourtieres (meat pies) I brought because BIL and SIL couldn't afford to after another guest had to decline.
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KodeBlue

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2205 on: December 12, 2016, 09:29:05 AM »
My preferred gifts, to both give and receive, are homemade consumables and items the recipient can't get themselves. I give my family and friends homemade meads, wines, jams, and baked goods and have received homemade bacon, canned goods, and fruit cakes. This allows everyone to give a present that costs them very little, but is of great value to the recipient. The wonders of economics and trade 🙂
Wish I was on your gift list! I think I appreciate homemade goodies more, not just cuz I like to eat (who doesn't?) but I know the giver spent thier own time and effort to make it. Much more meaning.

ysette9

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2206 on: December 12, 2016, 10:13:17 AM »
We have been moving to token gifts (box of See'a) and experiences like nights at a hotel, symphony tickets, and museum passes. I mostly hate stuff but experiences are great and don't take up space.
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Bumperpuff

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2207 on: December 12, 2016, 12:33:06 PM »
My preferred gifts, to both give and receive, are homemade consumables and items the recipient can't get themselves. I give my family and friends homemade meads, wines, jams, and baked goods and have received homemade bacon, canned goods, and fruit cakes. This allows everyone to give a present that costs them very little, but is of great value to the recipient. The wonders of economics and trade 🙂
Wish I was on your gift list! I think I appreciate homemade goodies more, not just cuz I like to eat (who doesn't?) but I know the giver spent thier own time and effort to make it. Much more meaning.

To be fair, I buy stuff too.  While in Peace Corps I bought spear points (they make great letter openers), local clay pottery, and baskets to give to family members and friends.  These items only cost me about $1 each, kept the money local, and were unobtainable or prohibitively expensive in the US.  This year my sister is receiving a somewhat spendy piece of art created by a friend of mine, but I know she wants it because she specified the subject and color scheme of the piece.  I also forgot to get her anything a couple years ago, so it sort of balances out.

JLee

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2208 on: December 14, 2016, 11:24:49 AM »
Brother In Law (BIL): Hey, did you see my new truck? I got a diesel!

Me: No, I didn't notice.

BIL: Got it for $2500. I had to put 4 new tires on it, and it needs transmission lines, brakes and a muffler.

Me: What did you do with your old truck?

BIL: I still have it. It's a good truck.

This conversation took place at a family Christmas party after I had to bring veggie trays in addition to the tourtieres (meat pies) I brought because BIL and SIL couldn't afford to after another guest had to decline.

That's actually ridiculously cheap if it's a remotely modern diesel truck.  He might be able to flip it for a decent profit.

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2209 on: December 14, 2016, 12:18:14 PM »
Brother In Law (BIL): Hey, did you see my new truck? I got a diesel!

Me: No, I didn't notice.

BIL: Got it for $2500. I had to put 4 new tires on it, and it needs transmission lines, brakes and a muffler.

Me: What did you do with your old truck?

BIL: I still have it. It's a good truck.

This conversation took place at a family Christmas party after I had to bring veggie trays in addition to the tourtieres (meat pies) I brought because BIL and SIL couldn't afford to after another guest had to decline.

That's actually ridiculously cheap if it's a remotely modern diesel truck.  He might be able to flip it for a decent profit.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of a modernish diesel truck that is worth that little--brakes and mufflers are typically cheap and easy fixes for a modestly competent DIYer. Maybe a 2000's Ford with a billion miles.

canuck_24

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2210 on: December 14, 2016, 09:18:11 PM »

One year we all did gift cards.  WTF is the point of that? Why should I give you $10 and you give me $10 in exchange?  Especially if it is $10 to a store I don't go to often (DH's useful gas card was to a station we don't have here.)  Why can't we all just keep our freaking $10?


My mother has been giving me 50 euros for Christmas and birthday for years, while I really don't have a money problem. When some years ago even my younger brother started giving me money as a Christmas present, I suggested that we adults should stop giving each other presents. It is indeed pointless handing over money or gift cards to each other. Not buying gifts also reduces the stress for Christmas shopping. Now we only give gifts to my brother's 2 children.

With my in-laws we still give each other gifts. But at least we ask each other if their is anything we want to have. Then at least you don't get anything pointless. Although FIL insists on buying me thick paper books, while I have been an avid Kindle reader for many years. But he doesn't like the fact that you can't put an e-book on the Christmas tree...


Comments like these break my heart a little.  I LOVE Christmas, and I love giving my loved ones gifts - it is the one time of year I put a serious amount of effort into displaying how much I think about them throughout the year.  Of course, I am right there with you on the cash/gift cards, I too would be very frustrated to give or receive money. 

So... suggest to your family a new theme for a gift exchange: a "consumables Christmas" where any gift given must be able to be consumed (perhaps a selection of craft beer for your brother?  That fancy tea your mom has been wanting to try?  Soaps and smelly things from the farmers market for your sister?).

Or maybe "homemade gifts only"? You will be surprised at how creative people can be!  For two Christmases now my family has drawn names early in the year (September?) and because my brother's family had no money we agreed no PRICE limit.. instead the gifts had to be homemade.  So you have ONE person to focus on creating something for.  My 6 year old nephew made a drawing and clay ornament last year for my brother in law, it was adorable.  My (not-even-remotely-crafty) husband made a bat-symbol Christmas wreath for my sister.  My dad made a set of wooden photo frames to hold my wedding photos for me.  And so on.  It was incredible, and surprising!  None of us had ever done anything like that before and it was likely the best gift exchange we have ever done.  Our usual Christmases were exchanging walmart gifts (some of which from nearly a decade ago still remain collecting dust at the top of my closet right now actually) that had very little thought or effort put in, so this was a huge shift for us too.

Christmas isn't about everyone exchanging equivalent amounts of money... but frustration with modern trends doesn't mean giving up on traditions all together.  Just because the rest of the population is consumerist suckas doesn't mean your only options are to join them or forgo it all together.

mwulff

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2211 on: December 15, 2016, 12:10:24 AM »
Comments like these break my heart a little.  I LOVE Christmas, and I love giving my loved ones gifts - it is the one time of year I put a serious amount of effort into displaying how much I think about them throughout the year.  Of course, I am right there with you on the cash/gift cards, I too would be very frustrated to give or receive money. 

So... suggest to your family a new theme for a gift exchange: a "consumables Christmas" where any gift given must be able to be consumed (perhaps a selection of craft beer for your brother?  That fancy tea your mom has been wanting to try?  Soaps and smelly things from the farmers market for your sister?).

Or maybe "homemade gifts only"? You will be surprised at how creative people can be!  For two Christmases now my family has drawn names early in the year (September?) and because my brother's family had no money we agreed no PRICE limit.. instead the gifts had to be homemade.  So you have ONE person to focus on creating something for.  My 6 year old nephew made a drawing and clay ornament last year for my brother in law, it was adorable.  My (not-even-remotely-crafty) husband made a bat-symbol Christmas wreath for my sister.  My dad made a set of wooden photo frames to hold my wedding photos for me.  And so on.  It was incredible, and surprising!  None of us had ever done anything like that before and it was likely the best gift exchange we have ever done.  Our usual Christmases were exchanging walmart gifts (some of which from nearly a decade ago still remain collecting dust at the top of my closet right now actually) that had very little thought or effort put in, so this was a huge shift for us too.

Christmas isn't about everyone exchanging equivalent amounts of money... but frustration with modern trends doesn't mean giving up on traditions all together.  Just because the rest of the population is consumerist suckas doesn't mean your only options are to join them or forgo it all together.

My mother in law feels much the same way you do, and that's perfectly fine. What she fails to recognize is that we live in a tiny house and we appreciate minimalism so every year she tries to get creative and find something special for us. It's the ultimate exercise in frustration because every year we have to tell her that "sry, no, doesn't fit in the house" and go trade it in at some store for a gift card.

Now the real problem begins, we now have a gift card for a store that sells stuff we don't need and don't want. So we wind up blowing it on something stupid just to get rid of it. One year we replaced our kitchen towels for no reason because the gift card had a due date.

Gifts like that put a tremendous burden on the receiver and cause huge amounts of stress.

Your idea of a consumerist christmas is much more to my personal liking. It's a nice excuse to buy a great wine for my parents and so on. But in the end that becomes a money trade as well.

Your homemade christmas sounds like the ultimate horror-movie to me. I build computer software and I don't like making creative crafty type stuff. My December would turn into panic, stress and depression if we went that way. But it's really cool that your family made it work.

In short I prefer christmas as a nice dinner with my family, preferably with some insanely great wines, and skip the gifts.


Pooperman

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2212 on: December 15, 2016, 05:35:45 AM »
Comments like these break my heart a little.  I LOVE Christmas, and I love giving my loved ones gifts - it is the one time of year I put a serious amount of effort into displaying how much I think about them throughout the year.  Of course, I am right there with you on the cash/gift cards, I too would be very frustrated to give or receive money. 

So... suggest to your family a new theme for a gift exchange: a "consumables Christmas" where any gift given must be able to be consumed (perhaps a selection of craft beer for your brother?  That fancy tea your mom has been wanting to try?  Soaps and smelly things from the farmers market for your sister?).

Or maybe "homemade gifts only"? You will be surprised at how creative people can be!  For two Christmases now my family has drawn names early in the year (September?) and because my brother's family had no money we agreed no PRICE limit.. instead the gifts had to be homemade.  So you have ONE person to focus on creating something for.  My 6 year old nephew made a drawing and clay ornament last year for my brother in law, it was adorable.  My (not-even-remotely-crafty) husband made a bat-symbol Christmas wreath for my sister.  My dad made a set of wooden photo frames to hold my wedding photos for me.  And so on.  It was incredible, and surprising!  None of us had ever done anything like that before and it was likely the best gift exchange we have ever done.  Our usual Christmases were exchanging walmart gifts (some of which from nearly a decade ago still remain collecting dust at the top of my closet right now actually) that had very little thought or effort put in, so this was a huge shift for us too.

Christmas isn't about everyone exchanging equivalent amounts of money... but frustration with modern trends doesn't mean giving up on traditions all together.  Just because the rest of the population is consumerist suckas doesn't mean your only options are to join them or forgo it all together.

My mother in law feels much the same way you do, and that's perfectly fine. What she fails to recognize is that we live in a tiny house and we appreciate minimalism so every year she tries to get creative and find something special for us. It's the ultimate exercise in frustration because every year we have to tell her that "sry, no, doesn't fit in the house" and go trade it in at some store for a gift card.

Now the real problem begins, we now have a gift card for a store that sells stuff we don't need and don't want. So we wind up blowing it on something stupid just to get rid of it. One year we replaced our kitchen towels for no reason because the gift card had a due date.

Gifts like that put a tremendous burden on the receiver and cause huge amounts of stress.

Your idea of a consumerist christmas is much more to my personal liking. It's a nice excuse to buy a great wine for my parents and so on. But in the end that becomes a money trade as well.

Your homemade christmas sounds like the ultimate horror-movie to me. I build computer software and I don't like making creative crafty type stuff. My December would turn into panic, stress and depression if we went that way. But it's really cool that your family made it work.

In short I prefer christmas as a nice dinner with my family, preferably with some insanely great wines, and skip the gifts.

GiftCardGranny (or sites like it) would be a better option for those gift cards. Get some of the valnue back in actual cash.

Tasty Pinecones

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2213 on: December 15, 2016, 08:12:17 AM »
Give that gift card to a friend who would make good use of it and don't look back.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2214 on: December 15, 2016, 09:31:11 AM »
Comments like these break my heart a little.  I LOVE Christmas, and I love giving my loved ones gifts - it is the one time of year I put a serious amount of effort into displaying how much I think about them throughout the year.  Of course, I am right there with you on the cash/gift cards, I too would be very frustrated to give or receive money. 
...

My mother in law feels much the same way you do, and that's perfectly fine. What she fails to recognize is that we live in a tiny house and we appreciate minimalism so every year she tries to get creative and find something special for us. It's the ultimate exercise in frustration because every year we have to tell her that "sry, no, doesn't fit in the house" and go trade it in at some store for a gift card.
...

This is what bothers me about gifts in general. I feel awful when I spend ages thinking about what someone would like only to find out that it wasn't right for them. But even worse is when I know that someone has worked really hard to think of something for me but it isn't what I want or need. And even when everyone is polite enough for social convention how do you know whether they actually need it or are just trying to be nice. What is the right amount of gratitude to pass the social convention but not encourage the same unnecessary gift next time?

There is just so much inefficiency in the whole process I'd much rather not bother. Or I'd prefer to be able to give people presents when they express a need/want rather than having to wait until December.

I have a friend who believe that my lack of a fancy handbag is a sign that I haven't found a fancy, sparkly enough handbag yet, not that I am just a practical backpack sort of person. Maybe every other year I get a handbag from her. I hate it. I know that she's trying really hard, but I don't need a rock-themed handbag, I need a backpack sturdy enough to carry rocks in! And I would much rather she took the money and paid off her credit card bill that is out of control (I have learnt that this is not an acceptable present to ask for!).

Back on topic, my mothers in law struggle with money management. We try to help them with gifts that are useful or could save them money in the long run. Sometimes these gifts are (or appear) to be pretty expensive. Like we got them a computer so they could order groceries online rather than taking multiple taxi rides back from the supermarket every week. It was refurbished, was a manageable expense for us and actually helped them save money, great present right? Nope, because to say thank you, they gave us a mega-dose of presents, from a catalogue, brought on credit, at 22%, spread handily over two years. And upgraded their internet. The cost of the interest and increased internet over one year was more than the computer. Happy Sodding Christmas to me.

The Grinch

kayvent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2215 on: December 15, 2016, 03:54:20 PM »
Give that gift card to a friend who would make good use of it and don't look back.

Agreed. I had a 57$ gift card for Dell that was going to expire in three months. I had no use for it but when I asked around the office if anyone could use it, one quickly found a use for it. Giving the gift card away and helping my colleague gave me more joy than whatever item I could have bough. (Full disclosure: I work for a subsidiary of Dell Technologies.)

My mother in law feels much the same way you do, and that's perfectly fine. What she fails to recognize is that we live in a tiny house and we appreciate minimalism so every year she tries to get creative and find something special for us. It's the ultimate exercise in frustration because every year we have to tell her that "sry, no, doesn't fit in the house" and go trade it in at some store for a gift card.

I get your pain. Around birthdays or holidays I have to remind people that while I appreciate the kindness, I literally can't accept gifts into the house. I suffer from acute panic attacks (claustrophobia?) if there is too much stuff in my house or a room. It took a few years for this to sync in with most family when I first started having this issue.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2016, 03:57:16 PM by kayvent »

myrrh

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2216 on: December 15, 2016, 04:35:31 PM »
Quote
I have a friend who believe that my lack of a fancy handbag is a sign that I haven't found a fancy, sparkly enough handbag yet, not that I am just a practical backpack sort of person. Maybe every other year I get a handbag from her. I hate it. I know that she's trying really hard, but I don't need a rock-themed handbag, I need a backpack sturdy enough to carry rocks in! And I would much rather she took the money and paid off her credit card bill that is out of control (I have learnt that this is not an acceptable present to ask for!).

This so much reminds me of my aunt. Almost every year I get a new purse from her. And I am so not a purse lover, especially of the ones she picks out for me.  I much prefer the random t-shirts and samples of Clinique makeup that she also sends, LOL! I just can't seem to get through to her that purses are not my thing even if they are her thing.

And ugh clutter, my inlaws have SO much stuff at their house that I don't dare give them anything except edible things and gift cards to restaurants in the hopes that it will be consumed and not stay forever at their house.


mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2217 on: December 15, 2016, 04:36:50 PM »
I have a friend who believe that my lack of a fancy handbag is a sign that I haven't found a fancy, sparkly enough handbag yet, not that I am just a practical backpack sort of person. Maybe every other year I get a handbag from her. I hate it. I know that she's trying really hard, but I don't need a rock-themed handbag, I need a backpack sturdy enough to carry rocks in! And I would much rather she took the money and paid off her credit card bill that is out of control (I have learnt that this is not an acceptable present to ask for!).

I always enjoy your posts PWFUK (had to steal this from Marty).

Only today did I realise you're a woman. Or, you know, a guy with an inexplicable aversion to sparkly handbags...

iris lily

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2218 on: December 15, 2016, 09:23:09 PM »
Comments like these break my heart a little.  I LOVE Christmas, and I love giving my loved ones gifts - it is the one time of year I put a serious amount of effort into displaying how much I think about them throughout the year.  Of course, I am right there with you on the cash/gift cards, I too would be very frustrated to give or receive money. 

So... suggest to your family a new theme for a gift exchange: a "consumables Christmas" where any gift given must be able to be consumed (perhaps a selection of craft beer for your brother?  That fancy tea your mom has been wanting to try?  Soaps and smelly things from the farmers market for your sister?).

Or maybe "homemade gifts only"? You will be surprised at how creative people can be!  For two Christmases now my family has drawn names early in the year (September?) and because my brother's family had no money we agreed no PRICE limit.. instead the gifts had to be homemade.  So you have ONE person to focus on creating something for.  My 6 year old nephew made a drawing and clay ornament last year for my brother in law, it was adorable.  My (not-even-remotely-crafty) husband made a bat-symbol Christmas wreath for my sister.  My dad made a set of wooden photo frames to hold my wedding photos for me.  And so on.  It was incredible, and surprising!  None of us had ever done anything like that before and it was likely the best gift exchange we have ever done.  Our usual Christmases were exchanging walmart gifts (some of which from nearly a decade ago still remain collecting dust at the top of my closet right now actually) that had very little thought or effort put in, so this was a huge shift for us too.

Christmas isn't about everyone exchanging equivalent amounts of money... but frustration with modern trends doesn't mean giving up on traditions all together.  Just because the rest of the population is consumerist suckas doesn't mean your only options are to join them or forgo it all together.

My mother in law feels much the same way you do, and that's perfectly fine. What she fails to recognize is that we live in a tiny house and we appreciate minimalism so every year she tries to get creative and find something special for us. It's the ultimate exercise in frustration because every year we have to tell her that "sry, no, doesn't fit in the house" and go trade it in at some store for a gift card.

Now the real problem begins, we now have a gift card for a store that sells stuff we don't need and don't want. So we wind up blowing it on something stupid just to get rid of it. One year we replaced our kitchen towels for no reason because the gift card had a due date.

Gifts like that put a tremendous burden on the receiver and cause huge amounts of stress.

Your idea of a consumerist christmas is much more to my personal liking. It's a nice excuse to buy a great wine for my parents and so on. But in the end that becomes a money trade as well.

Your homemade christmas sounds like the ultimate horror-movie to me. I build computer software and I don't like making creative crafty type stuff. My December would turn into panic, stress and depression if we went that way. But it's really cool that your family made it work.

In short I prefer christmas as a nice dinner with my family, preferably with some insanely great wines, and skip the gifts.

Yes to everything!

Soaps and smelly things are awful. An obligation to make  things can be awful, although we do actually make lots of canned items. We made jams and jellies this year. But I like gifting those informally, not as part of an obligatory event.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2219 on: December 16, 2016, 01:00:28 AM »
I have a friend who believe that my lack of a fancy handbag is a sign that I haven't found a fancy, sparkly enough handbag yet, not that I am just a practical backpack sort of person. Maybe every other year I get a handbag from her. I hate it. I know that she's trying really hard, but I don't need a rock-themed handbag, I need a backpack sturdy enough to carry rocks in! And I would much rather she took the money and paid off her credit card bill that is out of control (I have learnt that this is not an acceptable present to ask for!).

I always enjoy your posts PWFUK (had to steal this from Marty).

Only today did I realise you're a woman. Or, you know, a guy with an inexplicable aversion to sparkly handbags...

Thanks MPGH! Yes, I'm a woman but there are plenty of men out there for whom a sparkly handbag would be a more appropriate gift!

shelivesthedream

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2220 on: December 16, 2016, 03:20:10 AM »
I recall "man bags" being a thing a few years ago, but then it sputtered out and died. Also makeup for men, although apparently that is having another go at being a thing. Part of me is delighted by these things as it seems like a chance for men to have fun within the bounds of mainstream fashion, but part of me is sad that the corporate behemoth that is mainstream fashion is plugging another market to sell crap to.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2221 on: December 16, 2016, 05:57:03 AM »
I recall "man bags" being a thing a few years ago, but then it sputtered out and died.

Ah yes, generally plain colours, well made, useful pockets and heavy duty straps; very little glitter. I miss those.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2222 on: December 16, 2016, 07:37:32 AM »
Since we're being all antimustachian, I'll just post this here. To stay on topic, I'm sure my BIL would love it.


http://www.mancrates.com

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2223 on: December 16, 2016, 07:42:16 AM »
Since we're being all antimustachian, I'll just post this here. To stay on topic, I'm sure my BIL would love it.


http://www.mancrates.com

You know when a young child has more fun with the wrapping than the present and it's adorable?

I'm not sure the same thing applies when it's a fully grown adult attacking a crate with a crowbar and the present cost $100.

But I want one.

I shall of course make my crate out of a leftover pallet, for free, or you know, use a leftover crate.
« Last Edit: December 16, 2016, 08:16:50 AM by Playing with Fire UK »

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2224 on: December 16, 2016, 08:04:21 AM »
Since we're being all antimustachian, I'll just post this here. To stay on topic, I'm sure my BIL would love it.


http://www.mancrates.com

I look at the header image on the main page, and suddenly I hear in my head  someone belting out
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And, yes, I realize those are trains on either side, but still...
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2225 on: December 16, 2016, 08:11:32 AM »
Since we're being all antimustachian, I'll just post this here. To stay on topic, I'm sure my BIL would love it.


http://www.mancrates.com

100$ for four pint glasses, some beer nuts and pistachios? damn.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2226 on: December 16, 2016, 08:15:52 AM »
Comments like these break my heart a little.  I LOVE Christmas, and I love giving my loved ones gifts - it is the one time of year I put a serious amount of effort into displaying how much I think about them throughout the year.  Of course, I am right there with you on the cash/gift cards, I too would be very frustrated to give or receive money. 

So... suggest to your family a new theme for a gift exchange: a "consumables Christmas" where any gift given must be able to be consumed (perhaps a selection of craft beer for your brother?  That fancy tea your mom has been wanting to try?  Soaps and smelly things from the farmers market for your sister?).

Or maybe "homemade gifts only"? You will be surprised at how creative people can be!  For two Christmases now my family has drawn names early in the year (September?) and because my brother's family had no money we agreed no PRICE limit.. instead the gifts had to be homemade.  So you have ONE person to focus on creating something for.  My 6 year old nephew made a drawing and clay ornament last year for my brother in law, it was adorable.  My (not-even-remotely-crafty) husband made a bat-symbol Christmas wreath for my sister.  My dad made a set of wooden photo frames to hold my wedding photos for me.  And so on.  It was incredible, and surprising!  None of us had ever done anything like that before and it was likely the best gift exchange we have ever done.  Our usual Christmases were exchanging walmart gifts (some of which from nearly a decade ago still remain collecting dust at the top of my closet right now actually) that had very little thought or effort put in, so this was a huge shift for us too.

Christmas isn't about everyone exchanging equivalent amounts of money... but frustration with modern trends doesn't mean giving up on traditions all together.  Just because the rest of the population is consumerist suckas doesn't mean your only options are to join them or forgo it all together.

My mother in law feels much the same way you do, and that's perfectly fine. What she fails to recognize is that we live in a tiny house and we appreciate minimalism so every year she tries to get creative and find something special for us. It's the ultimate exercise in frustration because every year we have to tell her that "sry, no, doesn't fit in the house" and go trade it in at some store for a gift card.

Now the real problem begins, we now have a gift card for a store that sells stuff we don't need and don't want. So we wind up blowing it on something stupid just to get rid of it. One year we replaced our kitchen towels for no reason because the gift card had a due date.

Gifts like that put a tremendous burden on the receiver and cause huge amounts of stress.

Your idea of a consumerist christmas is much more to my personal liking. It's a nice excuse to buy a great wine for my parents and so on. But in the end that becomes a money trade as well.

Your homemade christmas sounds like the ultimate horror-movie to me. I build computer software and I don't like making creative crafty type stuff. My December would turn into panic, stress and depression if we went that way. But it's really cool that your family made it work.

In short I prefer christmas as a nice dinner with my family, preferably with some insanely great wines, and skip the gifts.

Yes to everything!

Soaps and smelly things are awful. An obligation to make  things can be awful, although we do actually make lots of canned items. We made jams and jellies this year. But I like gifting those informally, not as part of an obligatory event.

Easiest cheaporama gift that doesn't have to be smelly: homemade bath salts. You take Epsom salt and coarse sea salt (which you can get for less than $10 per pound depending on how you buy) and baking soda. Mix them in a ratio of 8:6:1 respectively, and stir it up.

If you want there to be a fragrance, add essential oil to the salt mix (I prefer synthetic versions for this) and stir thoroughly.

If you want there to be color, add a few drops of food coloring to a teaspoon of non-iodized table salt, let the salt absorb the food coloring, then add the colored salt to your salt mix and stir.

I like to repurpose empty bottles or jars that can't be used for canning. They look quite attractive filled with this stuff and then tied with a bit of ribbon and maybe a scrap of cloth or wrapping paper to cover the top.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2227 on: December 16, 2016, 08:46:19 AM »
Easiest cheaporama gift that doesn't have to be smelly: homemade bath salts. You take Epsom salt and coarse sea salt (which you can get for less than $10 per pound depending on how you buy) and baking soda. Mix them in a ratio of 8:6:1 respectively, and stir it up.

If you want there to be a fragrance, add essential oil to the salt mix (I prefer synthetic versions for this) and stir thoroughly.

If you want there to be color, add a few drops of food coloring to a teaspoon of non-iodized table salt, let the salt absorb the food coloring, then add the colored salt to your salt mix and stir.

I like to repurpose empty bottles or jars that can't be used for canning. They look quite attractive filled with this stuff and then tied with a bit of ribbon and maybe a scrap of cloth or wrapping paper to cover the top.
For the instructions, how much to use for each bath?

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2228 on: December 16, 2016, 09:16:31 AM »
Since we're being all antimustachian, I'll just post this here. To stay on topic, I'm sure my BIL would love it.
http://www.mancrates.com
100$ for four pint glasses, some beer nuts and pistachios? damn.

But they come in a crate! That changes everything.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2229 on: December 16, 2016, 09:37:55 AM »
Easiest cheaporama gift that doesn't have to be smelly: homemade bath salts. You take Epsom salt and coarse sea salt (which you can get for less than $10 per pound depending on how you buy) and baking soda. Mix them in a ratio of 8:6:1 respectively, and stir it up.

If you want there to be a fragrance, add essential oil to the salt mix (I prefer synthetic versions for this) and stir thoroughly.

If you want there to be color, add a few drops of food coloring to a teaspoon of non-iodized table salt, let the salt absorb the food coloring, then add the colored salt to your salt mix and stir.

I like to repurpose empty bottles or jars that can't be used for canning. They look quite attractive filled with this stuff and then tied with a bit of ribbon and maybe a scrap of cloth or wrapping paper to cover the top.
For the instructions, how much to use for each bath?

Foot bath: a fistful or so, maybe a tablespoon. Tub bath: about 1/4 to 1/2 cup or a generous cupped handful.

Edited to add... even a kindergarten-aged kid can make and distribute these.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2230 on: December 16, 2016, 10:38:20 AM »
You know when a young child has more fun with the wrapping than the present and it's adorable?

I'm not sure the same thing applies when it's a fully grown adult attacking a crate with a crowbar and the present cost $100.

But I want one.

I shall of course make my crate out of a leftover pallet, for free, or you know, use a leftover crate.

I went to a wedding last year with a group of friends all traveling from out of town - we'd decided to go in on a group gift where we'd all pick out a fancy whiskey/bourbon/rye/scotch/etc. and bundle them all together. We ended up getting a spare wooden wine box/crate from the liquor store to carry them in, and one of my friends had the bright idea of picking up a hammer and nails and nailing it shut, and presenting it to the groom with the hammer to pry it open. We got a few strange looks but it was definitely the most memorable gift, everyone had to watch him opening it... they painted their wedding date on the hammer's handle and refer to it as their "wedding hammer." :-)
...it's not at all alarming that people have started quoting me in their siggy lines.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2231 on: December 16, 2016, 10:41:31 AM »
You know when a young child has more fun with the wrapping than the present and it's adorable?

I'm not sure the same thing applies when it's a fully grown adult attacking a crate with a crowbar and the present cost $100.

But I want one.

I shall of course make my crate out of a leftover pallet, for free, or you know, use a leftover crate.

I went to a wedding last year with a group of friends all traveling from out of town - we'd decided to go in on a group gift where we'd all pick out a fancy whiskey/bourbon/rye/scotch/etc. and bundle them all together. We ended up getting a spare wooden wine box/crate from the liquor store to carry them in, and one of my friends had the bright idea of picking up a hammer and nails and nailing it shut, and presenting it to the groom with the hammer to pry it open. We got a few strange looks but it was definitely the most memorable gift, everyone had to watch him opening it... they painted their wedding date on the hammer's handle and refer to it as their "wedding hammer." :-)

A good hammer can last for years. There's also probably a joke in there about getting the couple hammered, given that your gift was a liquid offering.
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2232 on: December 16, 2016, 11:22:20 AM »
You know when a young child has more fun with the wrapping than the present and it's adorable?

I'm not sure the same thing applies when it's a fully grown adult attacking a crate with a crowbar and the present cost $100.

But I want one.

I shall of course make my crate out of a leftover pallet, for free, or you know, use a leftover crate.

I went to a wedding last year with a group of friends all traveling from out of town - we'd decided to go in on a group gift where we'd all pick out a fancy whiskey/bourbon/rye/scotch/etc. and bundle them all together. We ended up getting a spare wooden wine box/crate from the liquor store to carry them in, and one of my friends had the bright idea of picking up a hammer and nails and nailing it shut, and presenting it to the groom with the hammer to pry it open. We got a few strange looks but it was definitely the most memorable gift, everyone had to watch him opening it... they painted their wedding date on the hammer's handle and refer to it as their "wedding hammer." :-)

A good hammer can last for years. There's also probably a joke in there about getting the couple hammered, given that your gift was a liquid offering.

When I see a good quality hammer at a garage or estate sale for $1 or less, I can't help but grab it. I must have about 8 hammers at home. I should probably start putting them on ebay.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2233 on: December 16, 2016, 04:15:45 PM »
You know when a young child has more fun with the wrapping than the present and it's adorable?

I'm not sure the same thing applies when it's a fully grown adult attacking a crate with a crowbar and the present cost $100.

But I want one.

I shall of course make my crate out of a leftover pallet, for free, or you know, use a leftover crate.

I went to a wedding last year with a group of friends all traveling from out of town - we'd decided to go in on a group gift where we'd all pick out a fancy whiskey/bourbon/rye/scotch/etc. and bundle them all together. We ended up getting a spare wooden wine box/crate from the liquor store to carry them in, and one of my friends had the bright idea of picking up a hammer and nails and nailing it shut, and presenting it to the groom with the hammer to pry it open. We got a few strange looks but it was definitely the most memorable gift, everyone had to watch him opening it... they painted their wedding date on the hammer's handle and refer to it as their "wedding hammer." :-)

A good hammer can last for years. There's also probably a joke in there about getting the couple hammered, given that your gift was a liquid offering.

When I see a good quality hammer at a garage or estate sale for $1 or less, I can't help but grab it. I must have about 8 hammers at home. I should probably start putting them on ebay.

Nah. Holiday gifts, if they're new.
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

Tasty Pinecones

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2234 on: December 16, 2016, 04:25:54 PM »
I think my best hammer is over 90 years old.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2235 on: December 17, 2016, 02:17:30 AM »
... they painted their wedding date on the hammer's handle and refer to it as their "wedding hammer." :-)

I have a "Valentine hammer". It is a chunky sledge hammer with a single pink heart sticker on it.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2236 on: December 17, 2016, 03:41:49 AM »
I think my best hammer is over 90 years old.

They don't build them like that any more.  I've got a hammer just like that. The handle has been replaced four or five times, but the head only once.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2237 on: December 17, 2016, 06:41:57 AM »
I think my best hammer is over 90 years old.

They don't build them like that any more.  I've got a hammer just like that. The handle has been replaced four or five times, but the head only once.

Hammers, rolling pins, etc: I got all of them from my grandparents, who had had them since the 50s, and bought them used at the time. Swear to god, they're made way more solid than anything in store.

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2238 on: December 17, 2016, 02:16:19 PM »
I think my best hammer is over 90 years old.

They don't build them like that any more.  I've got a hammer just like that. The handle has been replaced four or five times, but the head only once.

Grandfather's axe/Ship of Theseus...

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2239 on: December 18, 2016, 05:15:27 AM »
I think my best hammer is over 90 years old.

They don't build them like that any more.  I've got a hammer just like that. The handle has been replaced four or five times, but the head only once.

Grandfather's axe/Ship of Theseus...

:D
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2240 on: December 18, 2016, 03:42:00 PM »
I think my best hammer is over 90 years old.

They don't build them like that any more.  I've got a hammer just like that. The handle has been replaced four or five times, but the head only once.

Grandfather's axe/Ship of Theseus...

Or for the Brit's amongst you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUl6PooveJE

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2241 on: December 18, 2016, 03:48:09 PM »
I think my best hammer is over 90 years old.
They don't build them like that any more.  I've got a hammer just like that. The handle has been replaced four or five times, but the head only once.
Grandfather's axe/Ship of Theseus...
Or for the Brit's amongst you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUl6PooveJE

Thanks for finding that auntie_betty, it is the exact example I think of when I hear this type of conversation.

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2242 on: December 18, 2016, 05:09:33 PM »
A relative on my husband's side just gave us a $30 lottery ticket for Christmas.

Scrawled on the envelope are the words: "BY ORDER OF [GIVER'S NAME], If the total winnings exceeds $99,999.99, the prize is to be shared between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, + I."

(The letters were first-name initials for my husband's relatives.)

She needn't have given us anything. She usually gives us cash, but I would prefer nothing than have her waste money on lottery tickets. And while the odds of winning are zero, I think the "by order of" condition is bizarre and would love to know how enforceable it is.

Anyone?

kayvent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2243 on: December 18, 2016, 05:41:14 PM »
A relative on my husband's side just gave us a $30 lottery ticket for Christmas.

Scrawled on the envelope are the words: "BY ORDER OF [GIVER'S NAME], If the total winnings exceeds $99,999.99, the prize is to be shared between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, + I."

(The letters were first-name initials for my husband's relatives.)

She needn't have given us anything. She usually gives us cash, but I would prefer nothing than have her waste money on lottery tickets. And while the odds of winning are zero, I think the "by order of" condition is bizarre and would love to know how enforceable it is.

Anyone?

I assume the other nine people got a 30$ ticket with the words "BY ORDER OF [GIVER'S NAME], If the total winnings exceeds $99,999.99, the prize is to be shared between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, + mustachepungoeshere."

If this was the USA, I think the condition is enforceable. It is not so much them giving you the ticket as it is them saying their intents if they win. You have inherited the task of holding the ticket for them.

AlanStache

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2244 on: December 18, 2016, 07:00:49 PM »
A relative on my husband's side just gave us a $30 lottery ticket for Christmas.

Scrawled on the envelope are the words: "BY ORDER OF [GIVER'S NAME], If the total winnings exceeds $99,999.99, the prize is to be shared between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, + I."

(The letters were first-name initials for my husband's relatives.)

She needn't have given us anything. She usually gives us cash, but I would prefer nothing than have her waste money on lottery tickets. And while the odds of winning are zero, I think the "by order of" condition is bizarre and would love to know how enforceable it is.

Anyone?

I assume the other nine people got a 30$ ticket with the words "BY ORDER OF [GIVER'S NAME], If the total winnings exceeds $99,999.99, the prize is to be shared between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, + mustachepungoeshere."

If this was the USA, I think the condition is enforceable. It is not so much them giving you the ticket as it is them saying their intents if they win. You have inherited the task of holding the ticket for them.

I am well acquainted with the works of Lionel Hutz and he would most likely site the case of "Finders vs Keepers" to say that all the cash would be yours.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2245 on: December 18, 2016, 07:12:15 PM »
A relative on my husband's side just gave us a $30 lottery ticket for Christmas.

Scrawled on the envelope are the words: "BY ORDER OF [GIVER'S NAME], If the total winnings exceeds $99,999.99, the prize is to be shared between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, + I."

(The letters were first-name initials for my husband's relatives.)

She needn't have given us anything. She usually gives us cash, but I would prefer nothing than have her waste money on lottery tickets. And while the odds of winning are zero, I think the "by order of" condition is bizarre and would love to know how enforceable it is.

Anyone?

Didn't say "equally shared", it said "shared".  Hey guys, here's a $10 each.  I'll keep the rest.   It's even better if your relatives are rabid Trump supporters.  Then you can explain that's how the 1% take care of folks.  :)

Now, I wouldn't do that to my family, friends, or co-workers.   (Well, I do have a lot of Trump supporter co-workers, so maybe them. :) )


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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2246 on: December 19, 2016, 12:45:43 AM »
A relative on my husband's side just gave us a $30 lottery ticket for Christmas.

Scrawled on the envelope are the words: "BY ORDER OF [GIVER'S NAME], If the total winnings exceeds $99,999.99, the prize is to be shared between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, + I."

(The letters were first-name initials for my husband's relatives.)

She needn't have given us anything. She usually gives us cash, but I would prefer nothing than have her waste money on lottery tickets. And while the odds of winning are zero, I think the "by order of" condition is bizarre and would love to know how enforceable it is.

Anyone?

I wouldn't invest into a lottery ticket myself, as it on average gives a bad return of investment, but getting a ticket as a present should be allright. Presents are only a bonus and don't need to be useful. That she wants to share the potential price only shows that she really dreams of winning the lottery herself. It is a bit strange to give a gift with a condition, but at least she is clear about it. I wouldn't be provoked by it.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2247 on: December 19, 2016, 01:23:36 AM »
A relative on my husband's side just gave us a $30 lottery ticket for Christmas.

Scrawled on the envelope are the words: "BY ORDER OF [GIVER'S NAME], If the total winnings exceeds $99,999.99, the prize is to be shared between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, + I."

(The letters were first-name initials for my husband's relatives.)

She needn't have given us anything. She usually gives us cash, but I would prefer nothing than have her waste money on lottery tickets. And while the odds of winning are zero, I think the "by order of" condition is bizarre and would love to know how enforceable it is.

Anyone?

I wouldn't invest into a lottery ticket myself, as it on average gives a bad return of investment, but getting a ticket as a present should be allright. Presents are only a bonus and don't need to be useful. That she wants to share the potential price only shows that she really dreams of winning the lottery herself. It is a bit strange to give a gift with a condition, but at least she is clear about it. I wouldn't be provoked by it.

A THIRTY DOLLAR lottery ticket?!?! Thirty dollars? Is this a common thing? Is it thirty lines for a $1 draw? I find this abhorrent.

Linda, although I agree that presents are a bonus, I think this is a poor choice of gift for many people. I'm really opposed to lotteries that intentionally target poor or vulnerable people with dreams of riches. If someone gave me a shredded $20 bill it would bother me because I'd see the waste. The same if someone made a charitable donation in my name to a cause that was opposite to my beliefs. 

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2248 on: December 19, 2016, 03:17:19 AM »
A relative on my husband's side just gave us a $30 lottery ticket for Christmas.

Scrawled on the envelope are the words: "BY ORDER OF [GIVER'S NAME], If the total winnings exceeds $99,999.99, the prize is to be shared between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, + I."

(The letters were first-name initials for my husband's relatives.)

She needn't have given us anything. She usually gives us cash, but I would prefer nothing than have her waste money on lottery tickets. And while the odds of winning are zero, I think the "by order of" condition is bizarre and would love to know how enforceable it is.

Anyone?

Well. If all of you guys responding don't want it I'll have it.

Don't come crying to me when I start yelling CHA CHING!

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2249 on: December 19, 2016, 03:26:17 AM »
A relative on my husband's side just gave us a $30 lottery ticket for Christmas.

Scrawled on the envelope are the words: "BY ORDER OF [GIVER'S NAME], If the total winnings exceeds $99,999.99, the prize is to be shared between A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, + I."

(The letters were first-name initials for my husband's relatives.)

She needn't have given us anything. She usually gives us cash, but I would prefer nothing than have her waste money on lottery tickets. And while the odds of winning are zero, I think the "by order of" condition is bizarre and would love to know how enforceable it is.

Anyone?

Well. If all of you guys responding don't want it I'll have it.

Don't come crying to me when I start yelling CHA CHING!

You know where I live!