Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 788177 times)

economista

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2100 on: November 29, 2016, 01:56:47 PM »
... we got food and clothes from the food bank ...

just had a very vivid image of you shouting at your mom "I wanted a leather jacket!" and your mom just standing there dumbfounded with a lettuce in her hand "Oh, I thought you said a lettuce jacket"

Nevermind, I've had too much coffee.

Haha!  That made me laugh :)
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Half-Borg

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2101 on: November 30, 2016, 09:04:38 AM »
My great aunt just lectured me for an hour, that I need to have enough saved up, to replace my washing machine and would not stop when I said I'm covered.
She's not per se wrong, but I don't worry to much about my washing machine with 75k saved up.
The way she said it implied, they just recently managed to save up enough of an emergency fund to cover a washing machine at the ripe age of 70.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2102 on: November 30, 2016, 09:20:03 AM »
My great aunt just lectured me for an hour, that I need to have enough saved up, to replace my washing machine and would not stop when I said I'm covered.
She's not per se wrong, but I don't worry to much about my washing machine with 75k saved up.
The way she said it implied, they just recently managed to save up enough of an emergency fund to cover a washing machine at the ripe age of 70.

THIS, this is why I do what I do.

Was the lecture at least well meaning? Are you going to tell her next time that you've followed her advice and now have a washing machine fund?

Half-Borg

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2103 on: November 30, 2016, 09:27:46 AM »
My great aunt just lectured me for an hour, that I need to have enough saved up, to replace my washing machine and would not stop when I said I'm covered.
She's not per se wrong, but I don't worry to much about my washing machine with 75k saved up.
The way she said it implied, they just recently managed to save up enough of an emergency fund to cover a washing machine at the ripe age of 70.

THIS, this is why I do what I do.

Was the lecture at least well meaning? Are you going to tell her next time that you've followed her advice and now have a washing machine fund?
I'm really not sure what would happen if any of my relatives knew how much I earn and how much I save. I guess it would not go well.
As of now they all think I'm poor as fuck because I sold my car and didn't buy a new one.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2104 on: November 30, 2016, 09:43:30 AM »
As of now they all think I'm poor as fuck because I sold my car and didn't buy a new one.
It was because you needed to replace your washing machine wasn't it...

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2105 on: November 30, 2016, 10:04:51 AM »
As of now they all think I'm poor as fuck because I sold my car and didn't buy a new one.
It was because you needed to replace your washing machine wasn't it...

Yeah sounds like someone really needs to work on getting their washing machine savings fun fully funded.....

Nederstash

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2106 on: November 30, 2016, 12:26:01 PM »
As of now they all think I'm poor as fuck because I sold my car and didn't buy a new one.
It was because you needed to replace your washing machine wasn't it...

Yeah sounds like someone really needs to work on getting their washing machine savings fun fully funded.....

For shame! Won't you think of the children! No washing machine fund... you're a disgrace to whatever country you're currently inhabiting.

ysette9

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2107 on: November 30, 2016, 12:59:00 PM »
My mother, who probably already thinks we are a little weird to not spend money on things she would spend money on, was kindly at our house taking care of our kid while I was away on travel for work. This happen to coincide with the truly old-and-crappy washing machine at our rental house making the leap from "sucks but mostly works" to "okay, really isn't washing the clothes now and not rinsing out the detergent to boot". We had a long-standing agreement with our landlord that we would purchase a new washer/dryer for the house if the landlord would do the install. It was finally my mother being at our house and being able to handle the delivery logistics that got me off my butt to spend the $375 (installed! old crap hauled away!) for a used set on Craigslist. At one point she was talking about finding a laundromat, which did give me an instant of embarrassment. We keep telling ourselves that ONE DAY we'll grow up and have a nice house with decent appliances and double pane windows and central heat and insulation and and and..... (I have a lot of desires in life).
"It'll be great!"

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2108 on: November 30, 2016, 02:36:20 PM »
My great aunt just lectured me for an hour, that I need to have enough saved up, to replace my washing machine and would not stop when I said I'm covered.
She's not per se wrong, but I don't worry to much about my washing machine with 75k saved up.
The way she said it implied, they just recently managed to save up enough of an emergency fund to cover a washing machine at the ripe age of 70.

And a roof fund, and a tire fund, and a transmission rebuild fund, and a dentist fund, and a plumbing fund (one for the house and one for a trip to the doctor should something cause you to say uh-oh!), a clothing fund, and.... and... and....

Half-Borg

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2109 on: December 01, 2016, 01:28:07 AM »
As of now they all think I'm poor as fuck because I sold my car and didn't buy a new one.
It was because you needed to replace your washing machine wasn't it...
Actually one of the last things I did with the car,was hauling a new washing machine from my father to me. He bought one more than he needed (don't ask me, it's complicated) and I figured it's better to replace my old, perfectly fine one, than having a new one sitting around gathering dust.
I also paid my father the full retail price even tough the same one would've been 200 less on amazon with shipping.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2110 on: December 01, 2016, 01:31:15 AM »
As of now they all think I'm poor as fuck because I sold my car and didn't buy a new one.
It was because you needed to replace your washing machine wasn't it...
Actually one of the last things I did with the car,was hauling a new washing machine from my father to me. He bought one more than he needed (don't ask me, it's complicated) and I figured it's better to replace my old, perfectly fine one, than having a new one sitting around gathering dust.
I also paid my father the full retail price even tough the same one would've been 200 less on amazon with shipping.

I knew it! Cum hoc ergo propter hoc. QED

You did a good thing.

Ralph2

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2111 on: December 01, 2016, 03:58:01 AM »



Which is also to say that I've had it up to HERE with people lecturing pregnant women as if they suddenly lose all autonomy by getting knocked up.

Obviously, my post was not a pregnancy advice post--just some general guidelines.

Yeah, I know, but I'm currently pregnant and my colleagues seem to take it as an invitation to give (shitty) advice on every single aspect of my life and I am a liiiiiiiiittle on edge about it right now.

If by "a little on edge" we mean "one missed breath from slapping someone".

And the next person who asks me about the state of my fucking CERVIX while at work is gonna get it. FYI.

Kase, it that you?

wenchsenior

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2112 on: December 01, 2016, 07:39:03 AM »

I find the distinction interesting.

http://www.npr.org/sections/money/2010/10/05/130353638/the-tuesday-podcast-the-art-of-living-at-the-poverty-line

This woman received subsidised housing, food stamps and other government support, but proudly proclaimed that she "never went on welfare" because she didn't receive cash payments.

This!  Nothing irritates me more than people who ignore the welfare benefits they receive and play it off like they earned everything they have.  My brother and his wife and children live in subsidized housing (they pay around $30 per month for a 3 bedroom apartment) and they get food stamps, but my mom makes a big deal out of the fact that "they aren't on welfare."  Are you f*cking kidding me?!  Subsidized housing and food stamps are part of the welfare program, and the single largest component of the welfare program is the earned income tax credit, which they receive every year!  My mom also tries to say that she only got welfare once or twice while we were growing up.  In reality, we always lived in subsidized housing, we always received food stamps, we got food and clothes from the food bank, and after only working a bare minimum throughout the year, she always got more back at tax time than she came close to paying in, because of EITC.  Yet they are all ignorant voters* who exclusively vote Republican because they think they've worked hard for the things they have and they shouldn't have to support drains on the system who don't support themselves.  I've pointed out to them that they benefit from the welfare programs that exist and they are voting for the people who say they are going to get rid of those systems.  They argue with me that they don't receive welfare and "the lazy leeches" shouldn't be able to take their hard earned money.  Yet they are unemployed 75% of the year and don't realize the "lazy leeches" the politicians are talking about are them.

*I'm not intending to say all Republican voters are ignorant, I'm saying my family members are ignorant voters because they don't take the time to understand the issues and they vote for people who want to take away the benefits they live on, without realizing it.

Oh, man. I try to retain glimmers of optimism that most conservative voters really do vote GOP because they truly want welfare dismantled on principle (I disagree, but at least that is a legitimate philosophy), and that my worst suspicions about their profound levels of ignorance and self-delusion are wrong. But then you guys tell stories like this...and I go back to wanting to face-punch them. I realize the plural of anecdote is not data, but it's hard to believe the best of people sometimes. Or ever.

Linda_Norway

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2113 on: December 01, 2016, 08:23:38 AM »
In the Netherlands some smart insure companies have invented the funeral insurance. You pay insurance money, to get money in return after you die, to pay for your own funeral. A funeral, in my opinion, should have been your family's financial problem.

My mother has bought this insurance and told me to also buy it. It said I found such an insurance unnecessary, because I can afford my own funeral and I don't need a pricy funeral. That obviously pissed her off, because she threatened me to not pay for my funeral if I would die before her. I thought that was so unreasonable, because I would without any hesitation have paid for her funeral, as I think is a child's obligation.

My brother, who was at that time still living in my mother's house, had also taken such an insurance, just to make her shut up about it.

Metric Mouse

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2114 on: December 01, 2016, 08:26:34 AM »
In the Netherlands some smart insure companies have invented the funeral insurance. You pay insurance money, to get money in return after you die, to pay for your own funeral. A funeral, in my opinion, should have been your family's financial problem.

My mother has bought this insurance and told me to also buy it. It said I found such an insurance unnecessary, because I can afford my own funeral and I don't need a pricy funeral. That obviously pissed her off, because she threatened me to not pay for my funeral if I would die before her. I thought that was so unreasonable, because I would without any hesitation have paid for her funeral, as I think is a child's obligation.

My brother, who was at that time still living in my mother's house, had also taken such an insurance, just to make her shut up about it.

Funeral insurance... genius. 
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kayvent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2115 on: December 01, 2016, 08:40:31 AM »
In the Netherlands some smart insure companies have invented the funeral insurance. You pay insurance money, to get money in return after you die, to pay for your own funeral. A funeral, in my opinion, should have been your family's financial problem.

My mother has bought this insurance and told me to also buy it. It said I found such an insurance unnecessary, because I can afford my own funeral and I don't need a pricy funeral. That obviously pissed her off, because she threatened me to not pay for my funeral if I would die before her. I thought that was so unreasonable, because I would without any hesitation have paid for her funeral, as I think is a child's obligation.

My brother, who was at that time still living in my mother's house, had also taken such an insurance, just to make her shut up about it.

Isn't insurance for unexpected, unlikely expenses that are very costly? I know I'm planning not to die (working well so far) but I doubt many people have this plan that they'd need insurance for.

marion10

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2116 on: December 01, 2016, 08:47:00 AM »
The advantage of a small life insurance policy for funeral expenses is that the money is available very quickly to the beneficiary without going through the courts.

slugline

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2117 on: December 01, 2016, 08:47:55 AM »
Funeral insurance? I would imagine this to be like a hybrid of life insurance and prepaid funeral plans. Is my guess close?

runningthroughFIRE

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2118 on: December 01, 2016, 09:09:33 AM »
I'm more laughing at her response to you refusing funeral insurance.  You said you could/would pay for your own funeral, and she threatened to not pay for it?  That's a pretty hollow threat.

Ann

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2119 on: December 01, 2016, 09:25:56 AM »
How is threatening not to pay for the funeral an actual threat? Act insulted and say "What?!? Not pay for my funeral!!  Over my dead body!"

I don't want to plan to cause any more grief to my friends and family after I'm gone but at that point it won't be my problem and I'll never know about it.  Dead.


Linda_Norway

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2120 on: December 01, 2016, 11:38:29 AM »
Funeral insurance? I would imagine this to be like a hybrid of life insurance and prepaid funeral plans. Is my guess close?

No, it is not a life insurance. But the funeral can quickly be payed for. Normally the deceased pays for her/himself from the leftover money. But it can take a while before the relatives can claim that money. They would probably have to pay the bill first and get it back a month or to later, is my guess.
In my opinion this is a ridiculous product.

Linda_Norway

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2121 on: December 01, 2016, 11:40:52 AM »
I'm more laughing at her response to you refusing funeral insurance.  You said you could/would pay for your own funeral, and she threatened to not pay for it?  That's a pretty hollow threat.

Indeed. My husband can take care of my funeral. And I hope to survive my mother by a good margin, although no one can be sure about that.

Cassie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2122 on: December 01, 2016, 11:57:20 AM »
Some people have done pre-paid and then the funeral home went out of business so no recourse. My parents, aunts, uncles, etc instead bought plots next to my grandparents so they could all be together. Then in their 60's they all bought headstones and had them engraved and then stored until the first person of the couple dies.  This takes away a lot of the stress. When my Mom hit her 80's she wrote her own obit, planned her funeral down to the songs.  She asked certain people to sing and bought her casket at 89. She left $ and instructions for which restaurant everyone was invited to and paid for all the meals. She also picked out what she would wear.   We did not have to make any decisions.

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2123 on: December 01, 2016, 12:53:14 PM »
It's actually pretty common that life insurance proceeds will be used to pay the funeral costs, then remaining insurance is distributed according to whatever the bene list is.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2124 on: December 01, 2016, 12:59:07 PM »
When I'm dead, I really hope my family/friends don't spend a lot of money on disposing of my body. Any advice on how to actually plan your funeral so as to avoid caused loved ones any stress? I don't really care if my body is cremated or buried or just left in the woods for wolves to eat (well I do mind that as I would like to donate any working organs).

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2125 on: December 01, 2016, 02:09:53 PM »
When I'm dead, I really hope my family/friends don't spend a lot of money on disposing of my body. Any advice on how to actually plan your funeral so as to avoid caused loved ones any stress? I don't really care if my body is cremated or buried or just left in the woods for wolves to eat (well I do mind that as I would like to donate any working organs).

In my experiences of planning funerals, people tend to over think what the dead person would have wanted. Err on the side of over specifying rather than under specifying. 

And make sure people know about your organ donation wish. I put my card on Facebook. By the time people find your will or expression of wishes form your organs often can't be used.

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2126 on: December 01, 2016, 02:36:06 PM »
When I'm dead, I really hope my family/friends don't spend a lot of money on disposing of my body. Any advice on how to actually plan your funeral so as to avoid caused loved ones any stress? I don't really care if my body is cremated or buried or just left in the woods for wolves to eat (well I do mind that as I would like to donate any working organs).

In my experiences of planning funerals, people tend to over think what the dead person would have wanted. Err on the side of over specifying rather than under specifying. 

And make sure people know about your organ donation wish. I put my card on Facebook. By the time people find your will or expression of wishes form your organs often can't be used.


If you die from old age, there is good chance most of the organs can't be used anymore anyways. Not a rule, obviously--often times the organs are just as good in an 80 year old as a 24 year old--but often, the organs have indeed started to shut down.

AerynLee

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2127 on: December 01, 2016, 02:40:56 PM »
When I'm dead, I really hope my family/friends don't spend a lot of money on disposing of my body. Any advice on how to actually plan your funeral so as to avoid caused loved ones any stress? I don't really care if my body is cremated or buried or just left in the woods for wolves to eat (well I do mind that as I would like to donate any working organs).

In my experiences of planning funerals, people tend to over think what the dead person would have wanted. Err on the side of over specifying rather than under specifying. 

And make sure people know about your organ donation wish. I put my card on Facebook. By the time people find your will or expression of wishes form your organs often can't be used.

If you die from old age, there is good chance most of the organs can't be used anymore anyways. Not a rule, obviously--often times the organs are just as good in an 80 year old as a 24 year old--but often, the organs have indeed started to shut down.
And you'd be amazed what they take. My 84 year old grandfather who had had ailments rendering all of his organs unusable was able to donate his skin when he died

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2128 on: December 01, 2016, 02:44:30 PM »
In the Netherlands some smart insure companies have invented the funeral insurance. You pay insurance money, to get money in return after you die, to pay for your own funeral. A funeral, in my opinion, should have been your family's financial problem.

My mother has bought this insurance and told me to also buy it. It said I found such an insurance unnecessary, because I can afford my own funeral and I don't need a pricy funeral. That obviously pissed her off, because she threatened me to not pay for my funeral if I would die before her. I thought that was so unreasonable, because I would without any hesitation have paid for her funeral, as I think is a child's obligation.

My brother, who was at that time still living in my mother's house, had also taken such an insurance, just to make her shut up about it.

Isn't insurance for unexpected, unlikely expenses that are very costly? I know I'm planning not to die (working well so far) but I doubt many people have this plan that they'd need insurance for.

Is it really insurance or is it a savings plan with a fee attached to it? ;)

Chris22

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2129 on: December 01, 2016, 02:48:52 PM »
In the Netherlands some smart insure companies have invented the funeral insurance. You pay insurance money, to get money in return after you die, to pay for your own funeral. A funeral, in my opinion, should have been your family's financial problem.

My mother has bought this insurance and told me to also buy it. It said I found such an insurance unnecessary, because I can afford my own funeral and I don't need a pricy funeral. That obviously pissed her off, because she threatened me to not pay for my funeral if I would die before her. I thought that was so unreasonable, because I would without any hesitation have paid for her funeral, as I think is a child's obligation.

My brother, who was at that time still living in my mother's house, had also taken such an insurance, just to make her shut up about it.

Isn't insurance for unexpected, unlikely expenses that are very costly? I know I'm planning not to die (working well so far) but I doubt many people have this plan that they'd need insurance for.

Is it really insurance or is it a savings plan with a fee attached to it? ;)

Wondering that too.  "Insurance" suggests that you'll pay in perpetuity until you (your family) makes a claim.  Could be a $100k funeral if you buy too early.  A prepayment plan would make more sense. 
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Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2130 on: December 01, 2016, 03:17:20 PM »
When I'm dead, I really hope my family/friends don't spend a lot of money on disposing of my body. Any advice on how to actually plan your funeral so as to avoid caused loved ones any stress? I don't really care if my body is cremated or buried or just left in the woods for wolves to eat (well I do mind that as I would like to donate any working organs).
In my experiences of planning funerals, people tend to over think what the dead person would have wanted. Err on the side of over specifying rather than under specifying. 
And make sure people know about your organ donation wish. I put my card on Facebook. By the time people find your will or expression of wishes form your organs often can't be used.
If you die from old age, there is good chance most of the organs can't be used anymore anyways. Not a rule, obviously--often times the organs are just as good in an 80 year old as a 24 year old--but often, the organs have indeed started to shut down.

It's going to take a long time for my organs to have died of old age, and I'm hoping that we'll be better at developing synthetic organs before that point. Of course I could always die early of something that trashes all my organs, but I'd rather have people know what I want than have my viable organs go to waste when they're of no use to me.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2131 on: December 01, 2016, 03:24:25 PM »
In the Netherlands some smart insure companies have invented the funeral insurance. You pay insurance money, to get money in return after you die, to pay for your own funeral. A funeral, in my opinion, should have been your family's financial problem.

My mother has bought this insurance and told me to also buy it. It said I found such an insurance unnecessary, because I can afford my own funeral and I don't need a pricy funeral. That obviously pissed her off, because she threatened me to not pay for my funeral if I would die before her. I thought that was so unreasonable, because I would without any hesitation have paid for her funeral, as I think is a child's obligation.
My brother, who was at that time still living in my mother's house, had also taken such an insurance, just to make her shut up about it.
Isn't insurance for unexpected, unlikely expenses that are very costly? I know I'm planning not to die (working well so far) but I doubt many people have this plan that they'd need insurance for.
Is it really insurance or is it a savings plan with a fee attached to it? ;)
Wondering that too.  "Insurance" suggests that you'll pay in perpetuity until you (your family) makes a claim.  Could be a $100k funeral if you buy too early.  A prepayment plan would make more sense.

Over here you pay a higher than necessary price today so that you have inflation-proofing when you need the funeral. The primary cost is basically prepayment, but they make you pay more for 'inflation,' which is more like insurance (there is uncertainty on how much it will cost) but with the premium paid upfront. If you bought the policy today and died tomorrow you'd have overpaid.

It's pretty awful the way they target the sales at people who can't afford it. They suggest that it will stop your family inheriting your debt, but this isn't the way that debt works here.

Clever though.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2132 on: December 02, 2016, 12:54:57 AM »
Burial insurance was a form of semi-predatory lending in existence at the start of the 20th Century (and presumably for decades before and afterwards). The "decent poor" couldn't afford the full cost of a funeral all at once but were terrified of the ignominy of the pauper's funeral. So they paid their burial insurance every week and it paid out for a decent funeral if needed.

Except... You were only covered if you were up to date on payments. No matter how much you paid in, if someone dies in the week you don't pay then no funeral for you. And of course when someone is ill then finances are squeezed even harder: doctor's fees, special food for the invalid, an earned not being able to work (either through illness or needing to nurse the invalid)... But they had to keep up the burial insurance payments no matter what to ensure they were covered when it was most needed. So they would go hungry or try to get extra work, with disease in the air, to pay their burial insurance - possibly leading to more deaths.

I first read about it in a fascinating book called "Round About a Pound a Week" by Maud Pember-Reeves.

Linda_Norway

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2133 on: December 02, 2016, 01:47:41 AM »
Feel free to put it into Google translate or something like that:

http://www.begrafenisverzekeringen.net/

The site says that you don't need it if you have enough money to pay for your funeral. My mother is a bit wealthy. When my father died many years ago, his life insurance paid of most of the house. My mother receives both my father's widow pension and her own pension. She surely wouldn't have needed this insurance. It could be that she doesn't have cash money to pay for it. But my brother and I who will inherit the house, could have paid for the funeral after selling the house.

I also think that 15.000 - 20.000 euro for a funeral, is a very big sum. I personally wouldn't need to have a pricy funeral. I can't remember that we paid that much when my father died either.

Half-Borg

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2134 on: December 02, 2016, 02:50:53 AM »
When my mom died, we spend around 5000, and we did nothing fancy.
Standard coffin, cremation and buried in a forest graveyard. Some stupid speaker, who could not get his head around, that none of us are religious. Coffee and cake for ~30 people.
All paid for by the estate before we started worrying about who gets what. I ended up getting 1/8 of the house and nothing else. I would rather not have the 1/8 which has been nothing but trouble.

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2135 on: December 02, 2016, 06:10:51 AM »
Burial insurance was a form of semi-predatory lending in existence at the start of the 20th Century (and presumably for decades before and afterwards).

This is really interesting; thanks!

Cassie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2136 on: December 02, 2016, 01:07:48 PM »
HB: you don't need a coffin if you get cremated.  Nice urns are not very expensive. Here it is way less then 5k if you choose that route.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2137 on: December 02, 2016, 01:20:03 PM »
the coffin gets burned together with the body, we also had an urn.
i'm pretty sure there would have been better options, but it's not a good time to get the family to shop around

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2138 on: December 02, 2016, 01:35:42 PM »
For cremations, there's a cardboard box option for the coffin. Naturally I went for that.

A couple years ago I bought a special kind of prepaid funeral plan, and bought my urn outright. The prepaid plan works like this: it's done through an insurance company with one lump-sum payment which is payable to the funeral parlor, which has to honor the set of services negotiated for at that price. This guards against inflation increasing the dollar value of my cardboard box. Meanwhile, if the funeral parlor goes out of business between now and the time I kick the bucket, either the money comes back to me or can be transferred dollar-for-dollar to a different mortuary.
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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2139 on: December 02, 2016, 02:16:30 PM »
the coffin gets burned together with the body, we also had an urn.
i'm pretty sure there would have been better options, but it's not a good time to get the family to shop around

Coffin burned with the body? How much did the coffin cost? I've never heard of it being done this way.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2140 on: December 02, 2016, 02:19:39 PM »
the coffin gets burned together with the body, we also had an urn.
i'm pretty sure there would have been better options, but it's not a good time to get the family to shop around

Coffin burned with the body? How much did the coffin cost? I've never heard of it being done this way.

IIRC, that is only done with very cheap coffins. If there is a viewing, it is usually a "rented" coffin.

Cassie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2141 on: December 02, 2016, 02:22:43 PM »
I thought everyone used the cardboard box coffin when it is being burned?

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2142 on: December 02, 2016, 02:41:16 PM »
Funeral insurance? I would imagine this to be like a hybrid of life insurance and prepaid funeral plans. Is my guess close?

No, it is not a life insurance. But the funeral can quickly be payed for. Normally the deceased pays for her/himself from the leftover money. But it can take a while before the relatives can claim that money. They would probably have to pay the bill first and get it back a month or to later, is my guess.
In my opinion this is a ridiculous product.

I just wrote a check from my mom's checkbook, signed my name to it, and handed it to the funeral director.
Worked like a charm.

I suppose technically that was a no-no, as the financial power of attorney she gave me expired on her death, and the executorship of her estate hadn't formally been approved by the government.   

Based on the funeral director's comments, it is very common for them to do this.

mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2143 on: December 02, 2016, 02:48:52 PM »
Funeral insurance? I would imagine this to be like a hybrid of life insurance and prepaid funeral plans. Is my guess close?

No, it is not a life insurance. But the funeral can quickly be payed for. Normally the deceased pays for her/himself from the leftover money. But it can take a while before the relatives can claim that money. They would probably have to pay the bill first and get it back a month or to later, is my guess.
In my opinion this is a ridiculous product.

I just wrote a check from my mom's checkbook, signed my name to it, and handed it to the funeral director.
Worked like a charm.

I suppose technically that was a no-no, as the financial power of attorney she gave me expired on her death, and the executorship of her estate hadn't formally been approved by the government.   

Based on the funeral director's comments, it is very common for them to do this.

Reminds me of the dinner we had for my great aunt after her funeral. Probably costed around $5-700; I walked up and swiped her AMEX black card and signed for it. Technically illegal, but the credit card company would never notice if the bill is paid. We called paid off the card (no balance on it other than funeral expenses) and then closed very soon after.

EDIT: And a hell of a lot easier than trying to divide the bill among (depending on how you look at it with different generations) 3, 8, or 15 families.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2016, 02:51:02 PM by mtn »

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2144 on: December 02, 2016, 03:38:06 PM »
the coffin gets burned together with the body, we also had an urn.
i'm pretty sure there would have been better options, but it's not a good time to get the family to shop around

Coffin burned with the body? How much did the coffin cost? I've never heard of it being done this way.

IIRC, that is only done with very cheap coffins. If there is a viewing, it is usually a "rented" coffin.

In Australia, cremation in the 'real' coffin or casket is very common. The only difference is that for cremation the decorative 'silver' fixtures on the coffin or casket are actually plastic. Often there is a metal cross or something affixed to the lid which is removed and presented to the family. 

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2145 on: December 02, 2016, 04:27:52 PM »
When I'm dead, I really hope my family/friends don't spend a lot of money on disposing of my body. Any advice on how to actually plan your funeral so as to avoid caused loved ones any stress? I don't really care if my body is cremated or buried or just left in the woods for wolves to eat (well I do mind that as I would like to donate any working organs).

I'm in IT, and one of my clients is a mortuary / funeral home combo that also does scientific research.
- A straight cremation is about $1000, from body pickup to return of urn with ashes. This does not include county fees, death certificate, etc, you'd be about $1500 all in for a bare-bones, no casket cremation (you can rent a casket for a viewing, if anyone cares, but then there are dressing / prep fees. No viewing - as in, body is picked up at the deceased's home and ashes returned - is the cheapest way to go)
- If you donate your body, they will waive the fee. The body is usually kept for about a month before cremation, and organs are usually used for research. As the research companies pay for this, it covers the cost of he cremation, making it free.
- If you donate your body to a hospital, etc, you better have an agreement with them to have them pick it up. Normally the "donated" organs are harvested from accident victims / etc - people that die in accidents. It's rarely for deaths of natural causes, so it's up to you to arrange that with your hospital before your death. Keep in mind that things like eye tissue can only be used about 36 hrs after death.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2146 on: December 03, 2016, 03:57:03 AM »
90% sure my great uncle was burned in a fancy coffin. He left a lot of money, though, and would have wanted it that way.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2147 on: December 03, 2016, 04:22:43 AM »
When I'm dead, I really hope my family/friends don't spend a lot of money on disposing of my body. Any advice on how to actually plan your funeral so as to avoid caused loved ones any stress? I don't really care if my body is cremated or buried or just left in the woods for wolves to eat (well I do mind that as I would like to donate any working organs).

I'm in IT, and one of my clients is a mortuary / funeral home combo that also does scientific research.
- A straight cremation is about $1000, from body pickup to return of urn with ashes. This does not include county fees, death certificate, etc, you'd be about $1500 all in for a bare-bones, no casket cremation (you can rent a casket for a viewing, if anyone cares, but then there are dressing / prep fees. No viewing - as in, body is picked up at the deceased's home and ashes returned - is the cheapest way to go)
- If you donate your body, they will waive the fee. The body is usually kept for about a month before cremation, and organs are usually used for research. As the research companies pay for this, it covers the cost of he cremation, making it free.
- If you donate your body to a hospital, etc, you better have an agreement with them to have them pick it up. Normally the "donated" organs are harvested from accident victims / etc - people that die in accidents. It's rarely for deaths of natural causes, so it's up to you to arrange that with your hospital before your death. Keep in mind that things like eye tissue can only be used about 36 hrs after death.

I'm trying to imagine why I would need my dead relative's body picked up at their house. How did they get home from the hospital? Prop them up in the passenger seat so we could use the carpool lane?

And then I picture the delivery instructions for the urn "Just leave by back door. Beware of dog."  My mind wanders in the morning sometimes...
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kayvent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2148 on: December 03, 2016, 04:47:34 AM »
When I'm dead, I really hope my family/friends don't spend a lot of money on disposing of my body. Any advice on how to actually plan your funeral so as to avoid caused loved ones any stress? I don't really care if my body is cremated or buried or just left in the woods for wolves to eat (well I do mind that as I would like to donate any working organs).

I'm in IT, and one of my clients is a mortuary / funeral home combo that also does scientific research.
- A straight cremation is about $1000, from body pickup to return of urn with ashes. This does not include county fees, death certificate, etc, you'd be about $1500 all in for a bare-bones, no casket cremation (you can rent a casket for a viewing, if anyone cares, but then there are dressing / prep fees. No viewing - as in, body is picked up at the deceased's home and ashes returned - is the cheapest way to go)
- If you donate your body, they will waive the fee. The body is usually kept for about a month before cremation, and organs are usually used for research. As the research companies pay for this, it covers the cost of he cremation, making it free.
- If you donate your body to a hospital, etc, you better have an agreement with them to have them pick it up. Normally the "donated" organs are harvested from accident victims / etc - people that die in accidents. It's rarely for deaths of natural causes, so it's up to you to arrange that with your hospital before your death. Keep in mind that things like eye tissue can only be used about 36 hrs after death.

I'm trying to imagine why I would need my dead relative's body picked up at their house. How did they get home from the hospital? Prop them up in the passenger seat so we could use the carpool lane?

And then I picture the delivery instructions for the urn "Just leave by back door. Beware of dog."  My mind wanders in the morning sometimes...

Lots of people die at home. One example, currently in my life, is a person that is terminally ill. They are going to die whether they are in a hospital or at home so they'd rather spend their last few months at their home with good food and in comfort instead of at the hospital that entire time.

JoeO

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #2149 on: December 03, 2016, 08:05:30 AM »

I have a successful friend who gets hit up by his family for money often. For years he would give it. It's been a while since anyone asked because everyone in his family already owes him money now.

Anyway, it took a while (years) but he finally came up with his go-to line when family members call or e-mail with their stories about why they need money: "I'd rather not be involved."