Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 937394 times)

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1553
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1950 on: September 29, 2016, 07:02:15 AM »
On FB today-- SIL posts excitement to go to Disney in just two more weeks!

They go every year.

She lost her job about 5 weeks ago and has not even gotten back to my DH about what type of job she would like, so he can get referrals for her. Her DH drives a forklift for work, and they live in the HCOL area.

Both her girls take academy dance lessons, about three classes a week.

I am really hoping his parents are giving him a 'living inheritance' because IDK where the money is coming from.  She likely did not think to cancel because tickets are bought even though she could avoid another $3k spend if she had resold the hotel stay and not go.

Do I ask or just close my eyes?
But surely they need the emotional boost after losing her job. Why are you being so negative. That is a very likely response if you ask.

Oh god that sounds like so many people I know.

"But it's been a hard month, I DESERVE IT." "Sure, but can you AFFORD it."

2. different. questions. ARGH.

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1951 on: September 29, 2016, 07:14:03 AM »
I heard about a divorce that was complicated and delayed b/c of debts (can't afford to divorce yet). The divorce was caused in part by excessive spending by both parties and the debt.

I'm wondering if the people involved have considered the circular nature of their situation?

Am happy to report, no small children involved.

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1553
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1952 on: September 29, 2016, 07:19:16 AM »
I heard about a divorce that was complicated and delayed b/c of debts (can't afford to divorce yet). The divorce was caused in part by excessive spending by both parties and the debt.

I'm wondering if the people involved have considered the circular nature of their situation?

Am happy to report, no small children involved.

100% an excellent reason to live within one's means and to each have an income stream.

I've heard a few of my friends have bad relationships (not like... violent bad. Just useless-lump-that-disrespects-you bad. For context.) and tell me 'but I can't afford to leave him'. And I'm like... I never, ever want to be in a situation where I'm sharing a bed with someone because I can't afford not to. Nor to I ever want to be in a situation where someone is in my bed for money.

I have a job. I have savings. My husband also has those. And if things stopped working between us? We'd have options.

'Can't afford to leave' is basically one of the most horrifying marriage things I can imagine.

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1953 on: September 29, 2016, 02:42:25 PM »
Me too. I'll prob see them (or one of them) over the holidays. I'll update the story if there is one.

HydroJim

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 71
  • Age: 21
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1954 on: September 29, 2016, 03:51:38 PM »
UAH student here. What industries do you all work in?

My father recently whined about how its unfair that he has to pay $450/mo on the 4-bed, 3 bath 2200 sqft duplex owned by his parents.
That is pretty rough.  I pay $550/mo on a 550 sqft studio in Alabama, the 2nd cheapest state to live in...  Although, I do live in a city.

Not just a city, the city with the South's only Division I hockey team. Go Chargers!

I'm proud of myself for knowing which city you're in.

SpeedReader

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 117
  • Age: 52
  • Location: Lynnwood, WA
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1955 on: September 29, 2016, 10:26:52 PM »
UAH student here. What industries do you all work in?

When I lived in Huntsville, I worked on Redstone Arsenal in Federal procurement.  I bought missile systems for the Army.

SwordGuy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3268
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
    • Flipping Fayetteville
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1956 on: September 30, 2016, 09:03:01 AM »
I heard about a divorce that was complicated and delayed b/c of debts (can't afford to divorce yet). The divorce was caused in part by excessive spending by both parties and the debt.

I'm wondering if the people involved have considered the circular nature of their situation?

Am happy to report, no small children involved.

A person who did housework for my elderly mom had a similar problem.  She divorced her husband but still had to live with him because neither of them could afford to move out.


kayvent

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 523
  • Location: Canada
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1957 on: September 30, 2016, 02:31:14 PM »
I heard about a divorce that was complicated and delayed b/c of debts (can't afford to divorce yet). The divorce was caused in part by excessive spending by both parties and the debt.

I'm wondering if the people involved have considered the circular nature of their situation?

Am happy to report, no small children involved.

A person who did housework for my elderly mom had a similar problem.  She divorced her husband but still had to live with him because neither of them could afford to move out.

Is this in the USA? In Canada we have For Fault Divorce. Here, unless if there was non-condoned adultery or physical/emotional abuse, you can't get a divorce from someone you are presently living with.

Cassie

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3744
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1958 on: September 30, 2016, 03:27:55 PM »
No fault divorce in US.

MrMoogle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 947
  • Age: 32
  • Location: Huntsville, AL
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1959 on: September 30, 2016, 03:39:13 PM »
UAH student here. What industries do you all work in?
Engineering, DoD.  Like what seems like 1/2 the people here (either Engineering or DoD). 

kayvent

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 523
  • Location: Canada
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1960 on: September 30, 2016, 04:59:33 PM »
No fault divorce in US.

One of Reagan's biggest mistakes.

prudent_one

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 25
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1961 on: September 30, 2016, 05:56:42 PM »
On FB today-- SIL posts excitement to go to Disney in just two more weeks!

They go every year.

She lost her job about 5 weeks ago and has not even gotten back to my DH about what type of job she would like, so he can get referrals for her. Her DH drives a forklift for work, and they live in the HCOL area.

Both her girls take academy dance lessons, about three classes a week.

I am really hoping his parents are giving him a 'living inheritance' because IDK where the money is coming from.  She likely did not think to cancel because tickets are bought even though she could avoid another $3k spend if she had resold the hotel stay and not go.

Do I ask or just close my eyes?

In my experience, the people who go to Disney every year would sooner sell a kidney than have people think they can't afford to go any more. The Disney thing is often the crowning achievement of their year. To abandon that would mean public humiliation in their mind.

K-ice

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 671
  • Location: Canada
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1962 on: September 30, 2016, 06:32:42 PM »

Is this in the USA? In Canada we have For Fault Divorce. Here, unless if there was non-condoned adultery or physical/emotional abuse, you can't get a divorce from someone you are presently living with.

I am pretty sure we have no fault divorce in Canada as well.

It doesn't matter if you had an affair. The only difference is by agreeing to an affair you can speed up the process. Otherwise you must be "seperated" for one year.

From what I understand you can be seperated and still live together.

But it's a bit harder to prove.




kayvent

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 523
  • Location: Canada
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1963 on: October 01, 2016, 08:46:38 AM »

Is this in the USA? In Canada we have For Fault Divorce. Here, unless if there was non-condoned adultery or physical/emotional abuse, you can't get a divorce from someone you are presently living with.

I am pretty sure we have no fault divorce in Canada as well.

It doesn't matter if you had an affair. The only difference is by agreeing to an affair you can speed up the process. Otherwise you must be "seperated" for one year.

From what I understand you can be seperated and still live together.

But it's a bit harder to prove.

Reading online, there seems to be a disagreement on what For Fault and No Fault mean. Justice Canada says we have No Fault but then lists how a breakdown of the marriage has to occur and enumerates three circumstances (http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/divorce/app.html). I've seen that enumeration used as evidence to say that we really have a For Fault divorce.

Hideous Hog

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 18
  • Location: Not so sunny Florida
  • A man's best friend is his cat.
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1964 on: October 01, 2016, 09:23:37 PM »
In my experience, the people who go to Disney every year would sooner sell a kidney than have people think they can't afford to go any more. The Disney thing is often the crowning achievement of their year. To abandon that would mean public humiliation in their mind.

One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.
Momentum is not your friend when trying to bring 200,000,000 pounds of starship to a halt.

iluvzbeach

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 175
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1965 on: October 01, 2016, 10:57:06 PM »
In my experience, the people who go to Disney every year would sooner sell a kidney than have people think they can't afford to go any more. The Disney thing is often the crowning achievement of their year. To abandon that would mean public humiliation in their mind.

One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

This has got to be a joke, right? Please don't tell me people really do this.
Planning to be FIREd in 2020!

kayvent

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 523
  • Location: Canada
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1966 on: October 02, 2016, 06:54:33 AM »
In my experience, the people who go to Disney every year would sooner sell a kidney than have people think they can't afford to go any more. The Disney thing is often the crowning achievement of their year. To abandon that would mean public humiliation in their mind.

One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

Paying 33% withholding/penalty taxes on the 401K so they can (I assume) max out the credit card that is probably 20+% interest. Harambe is looking down from heaven and saying how he thought he was ballsy.

Don't they understand that there are loan sharks that would give them better deals? Are they that in-debt they don't have an available HLOC? Let's just ignore what they did because I find the fact they didn't use any other option more strange.

sunshine

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 186
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1967 on: October 02, 2016, 07:02:31 AM »
A family member said our property flip we bought would never work. Well if not no biggie we got it for a song and we would rent it. They asked how it went since we listed late last week. Went great. Told them there was a bidding war and its is under contract for over asking price. They wanted to know what it sold for. They were stating the profit number. I stated no it's this after what we paid , put into it and realtor commission. It's a chunk. I instantly got told whom I should help. Uh No!!! Sorry I don't feed the deadbeats. That's why they are deadbeat and not independent. Who we will be helping is ourselves and our children. I have college kids. We will be adding to their IRAs and investing the rest for our future!

pachnik

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1567
  • Age: 53
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1968 on: October 02, 2016, 07:18:19 AM »
One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

+1.  Is this a joke?  I thought my head was going to explode reading it. new car for the drive? new Ipads?

Hideous Hog

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 18
  • Location: Not so sunny Florida
  • A man's best friend is his cat.
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1969 on: October 02, 2016, 07:38:41 AM »
One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

+1.  Is this a joke?  I thought my head was going to explode reading it. new car for the drive? new Ipads?

I wish it WAS a joke.  I think their 'plan' is "spend everything we have and move in with the kids when we retire".
Momentum is not your friend when trying to bring 200,000,000 pounds of starship to a halt.

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3441
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1970 on: October 02, 2016, 04:28:15 PM »
One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

+1.  Is this a joke?  I thought my head was going to explode reading it. new car for the drive? new Ipads?

I wish it WAS a joke.  I think their 'plan' is "spend everything we have and move in with the kids when we retire".

They may be in for a cruel awakening when that comes up. There is a good chance their kids will remain dependent on them for far longer than they intend. I am imaging them laying a guilt trip on their kids for how much they 'sacrificed' for them.

ender

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3893
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1971 on: October 03, 2016, 07:18:17 AM »
The worst part is how many of those stories there seem to be.

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1972 on: October 03, 2016, 08:44:28 AM »
Hey - can I turn the tables for a moment and brag on my eldest?

Our eldest noticed the pitfalls of debt and the value of savings! WAHOO! Sound the horns! This is as revolutionary to me as potty training and the first steps!

Eldest told DW all about friend's family's financial situation and how many of their choices made no sense at all. Buying big-boy toys willy-nilly that get used only occasionally and then needing to finance more important things in life like appliance replacements and home repairs.

And to top it off his girlfriend (great girl!) might have a clue of her own too!
« Last Edit: October 03, 2016, 10:52:34 AM by Joe Lucky »

mm1970

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4660
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1973 on: October 03, 2016, 11:18:53 AM »
A family member said our property flip we bought would never work. Well if not no biggie we got it for a song and we would rent it. They asked how it went since we listed late last week. Went great. Told them there was a bidding war and its is under contract for over asking price. They wanted to know what it sold for. They were stating the profit number. I stated no it's this after what we paid , put into it and realtor commission. It's a chunk. I instantly got told whom I should help. Uh No!!! Sorry I don't feed the deadbeats. That's why they are deadbeat and not independent. Who we will be helping is ourselves and our children. I have college kids. We will be adding to their IRAs and investing the rest for our future!
I believe in helping others, and not all who need help are deadbeats.

On the other hand, the taxes that you paid or will pay on that profit goes to help people I'm sure.

kpd905

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1262
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1974 on: October 03, 2016, 07:33:45 PM »
One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

And all so the kids can be one of those idiots holding up an big iPad to take a picture.
+1.  Is this a joke?  I thought my head was going to explode reading it. new car for the drive? new Ipads?
Join Swagbucks: http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/DonnyCapo

Get $500 Fee-free Dollars with Plastiq after making $500 in payments: https://try.plastiq.com/264149

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3441
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1975 on: October 03, 2016, 08:40:51 PM »
A family member said our property flip we bought would never work. Well if not no biggie we got it for a song and we would rent it. They asked how it went since we listed late last week. Went great. Told them there was a bidding war and its is under contract for over asking price. They wanted to know what it sold for. They were stating the profit number. I stated no it's this after what we paid , put into it and realtor commission. It's a chunk. I instantly got told whom I should help. Uh No!!! Sorry I don't feed the deadbeats. That's why they are deadbeat and not independent. Who we will be helping is ourselves and our children. I have college kids. We will be adding to their IRAs and investing the rest for our future!
I believe in helping others, and not all who need help are deadbeats.

On the other hand, the taxes that you paid or will pay on that profit goes to help people I'm sure.

Helping is one thing, giving a handout to someone that didn't do anything to help you and just expects it is another.

sunshine

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 186
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1976 on: October 03, 2016, 08:41:22 PM »
A family member said our property flip we bought would never work. Well if not no biggie we got it for a song and we would rent it. They asked how it went since we listed late last week. Went great. Told them there was a bidding war and its is under contract for over asking price. They wanted to know what it sold for. They were stating the profit number. I stated no it's this after what we paid , put into it and realtor commission. It's a chunk. I instantly got told whom I should help. Uh No!!! Sorry I don't feed the deadbeats. That's why they are deadbeat and not independent. Who we will be helping is ourselves and our children. I have college kids. We will be adding to their IRAs and investing the rest for our future!
I believe in helping others, and not all who need help are deadbeats.

On the other hand, the taxes that you paid or will pay on that profit goes to help people I'm sure.

Lots of people who need help are not deadbeats. However these two are. Sorry but being 50 and still living off mom and dad because your lazy makes you a deadbeat. I'm glad to help those in true need. We all need a hand up sometimes. I guess I should have clarified these are middle aged adults sucking at the bank of mom instead of working like the rest of us.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2016, 08:44:44 PM by sunshine »

Metric Mouse

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5311
  • FU @ 22. F.I.R.E before 23
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1977 on: October 03, 2016, 11:27:00 PM »
In my experience, the people who go to Disney every year would sooner sell a kidney than have people think they can't afford to go any more. The Disney thing is often the crowning achievement of their year. To abandon that would mean public humiliation in their mind.

One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

Simply Stunning... and I'm still using a six-year-old phone to take pictures of my first child...
Give me one fine day of plain sailing weather and I can mess up anything.

MustacheMathTM

mm1970

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4660
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1978 on: October 04, 2016, 09:19:49 AM »
A family member said our property flip we bought would never work. Well if not no biggie we got it for a song and we would rent it. They asked how it went since we listed late last week. Went great. Told them there was a bidding war and its is under contract for over asking price. They wanted to know what it sold for. They were stating the profit number. I stated no it's this after what we paid , put into it and realtor commission. It's a chunk. I instantly got told whom I should help. Uh No!!! Sorry I don't feed the deadbeats. That's why they are deadbeat and not independent. Who we will be helping is ourselves and our children. I have college kids. We will be adding to their IRAs and investing the rest for our future!
I believe in helping others, and not all who need help are deadbeats.

On the other hand, the taxes that you paid or will pay on that profit goes to help people I'm sure.

Lots of people who need help are not deadbeats. However these two are. Sorry but being 50 and still living off mom and dad because your lazy makes you a deadbeat. I'm glad to help those in true need. We all need a hand up sometimes. I guess I should have clarified these are middle aged adults sucking at the bank of mom instead of working like the rest of us.
Sadly they exist!

Miss Piggy

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 907
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1979 on: October 04, 2016, 12:27:27 PM »
In my experience, the people who go to Disney every year would sooner sell a kidney than have people think they can't afford to go any more. The Disney thing is often the crowning achievement of their year. To abandon that would mean public humiliation in their mind.

One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

Simply Stunning... and I'm still using a six-year-old phone to take pictures of my first child...

You will soon be reported to DCFS.

Metric Mouse

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5311
  • FU @ 22. F.I.R.E before 23
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1980 on: October 05, 2016, 01:26:30 AM »
In my experience, the people who go to Disney every year would sooner sell a kidney than have people think they can't afford to go any more. The Disney thing is often the crowning achievement of their year. To abandon that would mean public humiliation in their mind.

One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

Simply Stunning... and I'm still using a six-year-old phone to take pictures of my first child...

You will soon be reported to DCFS.

It's truly better for my baby if I have a new android device. I guess I'll go pick one up tomorrow...
Give me one fine day of plain sailing weather and I can mess up anything.

MustacheMathTM

zephyr911

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3592
  • Age: 39
  • Location: Northern Alabama
  • I'm just happy to be here. \m/ ^_^ \m/
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1981 on: October 05, 2016, 09:37:36 AM »
My father recently whined about how its unfair that he has to pay $450/mo on the 4-bed, 3 bath 2200 sqft duplex owned by his parents.
That is pretty rough.  I pay $550/mo on a 550 sqft studio in Alabama, the 2nd cheapest state to live in...  Although, I do live in a city.

Not just a city, the city with the South's only Division I hockey team. Go Chargers!

I'm proud of myself for knowing which city you're in.
UAH student here. What industries do you all work in?
I work in foreign military sales on RSA. This town is fire for FIRE. I still occasionally marvel at my luck, ending up here by accident.
I am not a cog. I am an organizational lubricant.

kayvent

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 523
  • Location: Canada
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1982 on: October 05, 2016, 09:39:10 AM »
In my experience, the people who go to Disney every year would sooner sell a kidney than have people think they can't afford to go any more. The Disney thing is often the crowning achievement of their year. To abandon that would mean public humiliation in their mind.

One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

Simply Stunning... and I'm still using a six-year-old phone to take pictures of my first child...

You will soon be reported to DCFS.

It's truly better for my baby if I have a new android device. I guess I'll go pick one up tomorrow...

Android? They explode. Get an iPhone 7s.

firelight

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1020
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1983 on: October 05, 2016, 09:57:22 AM »
In my experience, the people who go to Disney every year would sooner sell a kidney than have people think they can't afford to go any more. The Disney thing is often the crowning achievement of their year. To abandon that would mean public humiliation in their mind.

One of my coworkers is going to Disney in November with her family (herself, husband, 2 adult children with their families).  They're planning to be there for a week, staying at one of the on-site hotels. They do this every year. They just bought a new car (a Cadillac of some flavor) for the drive (last year, they bought a Lexus for the drive). Of course, everyone must have new clothes for the vacation and all four grandchildren must have new Ipads so they can take pictures.

She told me this week that they'd cashed out her husband's 401K because they needed the money to pay off their credit cards so they'd be available for use on the Disney trip.

Simply Stunning... and I'm still using a six-year-old phone to take pictures of my first child...

You will soon be reported to DCFS.

It's truly better for my baby if I have a new android device. I guess I'll go pick one up tomorrow...

Android? They explode. Get an iPhone 7s.
Yeah! No expense spared when it comes to kids. You can't be too careful, you know?

cheapass

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: Dallas, Texas
  • On track for FIRE @ 40
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1984 on: October 05, 2016, 09:57:51 AM »
Android? They explode. Get an iPhone 7s.

Make sure you get the gold-plated version. You don't want people to think you're poor (even if it makes you poor).
Every single decision you make with money either shortens or lengthens your working career.

craiglepaige

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 761
  • Location: Ohio
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1985 on: October 05, 2016, 10:03:31 AM »
Android? They explode. Get an iPhone 7s.

Make sure you get the gold-plated version. You don't want people to think you're poor (even if it makes you poor).

Poor is just a mindset and a "look". You have to make sure you don't "look" poor by buying shit and frivolously displaying it in social media and within your group.

Nobody sees your checking/saving/investing accounts, so this is the only true way of showing your wealth ;)
-The conqueror will always become a slave to his conquest.

- Eres Un Esclavo Financiero
https://youtu.be/GO1Fsp4cUTQ

cheapass

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 503
  • Location: Dallas, Texas
  • On track for FIRE @ 40
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1986 on: October 05, 2016, 10:32:06 AM »
Android? They explode. Get an iPhone 7s.

Make sure you get the gold-plated version. You don't want people to think you're poor (even if it makes you poor).

Poor is just a mindset and a "look". You have to make sure you don't "look" poor by buying shit and frivolously displaying it in social media and within your group.

Nobody sees your checking/saving/investing accounts, so this is the only true way of showing your wealth ;)

I really like the quotes "People don't post their credit card bills on facebook"
and - "I'd rather have capital compounding in my brokerage account than depreciating in my driveway"

:)
Every single decision you make with money either shortens or lengthens your working career.

kayvent

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 523
  • Location: Canada
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1987 on: October 05, 2016, 12:14:55 PM »
Android? They explode. Get an iPhone 7s.

Make sure you get the gold-plated version. You don't want people to think you're poor (even if it makes you poor).

Unfortunately Apple no longer sells the 10,000$ Gold Apple Watch Edition so we're stuck looking like a bunch of paupers.

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3441
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1988 on: October 05, 2016, 12:25:23 PM »
Android? They explode. Get an iPhone 7s.

Make sure you get the gold-plated version. You don't want people to think you're poor (even if it makes you poor).

Unfortunately Apple no longer sells the 10,000$ Gold Apple Watch Edition so we're stuck looking like a bunch of paupers.

This's a bloody outrage it is. I'm going to take it all the way to the Prime Minister.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HV_O3BA5e28

Just wanted an excuse to post this clip.

Metric Mouse

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5311
  • FU @ 22. F.I.R.E before 23
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1989 on: October 07, 2016, 06:59:30 PM »
Android? They explode. Get an iPhone 7s.

Make sure you get the gold-plated version. You don't want people to think you're poor (even if it makes you poor).

Unfortunately Apple no longer sells the 10,000$ Gold Apple Watch Edition so we're stuck looking like a bunch of paupers.

Unsure which is more damaging: having a Samsung that explodes and scars my child for life, or sending them to school with last years Iphone model...
Give me one fine day of plain sailing weather and I can mess up anything.

MustacheMathTM

accountingteacher

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 36
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1990 on: October 07, 2016, 07:33:09 PM »

Poor is just a mindset and a "look". You have to make sure you don't "look" poor by buying shit and frivolously displaying it in social media and within your group.

Nobody sees your checking/saving/investing accounts, so this is the only true way of showing your wealth ;)

I have finally embraced that way of thinking.  When I see status symbols, I now assume they are financed by debt.  Last week I noticed a neighbour with a new Corvette Stingray and instead of thinking "Wow, they can afford that?" my default went to "Lol.  I wonder what the lease payment is?"  My logic was I can't afford a Corvette Stingray and according to StatsCan our family income is about double the average of our neighbourhood so more likely than not they can't afford it either.

The point is I now see status symbols as evidence of a lack of wealth and the lack of status symbols as evidence of wealth.  It's really quite freeing, not to mention occasionally funny!
This is so therapeutic!

Zikzin

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 129
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1991 on: October 07, 2016, 08:28:54 PM »
A very good friend borrowed $20 to put gas on her Prius coz she needs to show some houses to her buyers. She by the way have not been paying her mortgage for almost 2 years working on a loan modification on her 5 bedroom house with a saltwater pool which she owes over $900k. I have suggested to downside and start over, she answered, "I can't, what am I gonna do with my furniture?" 

This is the 3rd time she borrowed money in a month, first one was $176 since her phone is suspended and badly needs it for her real estate business, second for $110 as is she is at the outlet and "needs" to buy her son two (2) new basketball shoes.

want more?

Her car got totaled recently by her 16 year old son which I found out they dont have any insurance, so ended up without a car. I had started calling for her to help her find a cheap car and last week she called so happy coz she got a brand new BMW with zero down.

just keep digging.

solon

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1031
  • Age: 1817
  • Location: CO
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1992 on: October 07, 2016, 08:50:24 PM »
A very good friend borrowed $20 to put gas on her Prius coz she needs to show some houses to her buyers. She by the way have not been paying her mortgage for almost 2 years working on a loan modification on her 5 bedroom house with a saltwater pool which she owes over $900k. I have suggested to downside and start over, she answered, "I can't, what am I gonna do with my furniture?" 

This is the 3rd time she borrowed money in a month, first one was $176 since her phone is suspended and badly needs it for her real estate business, second for $110 as is she is at the outlet and "needs" to buy her son two (2) new basketball shoes.

want more?

Her car got totaled recently by her 16 year old son which I found out they dont have any insurance, so ended up without a car. I had started calling for her to help her find a cheap car and last week she called so happy coz she got a brand new BMW with zero down.

just keep digging.

So sad. Much train wreck.

druth

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 309
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1993 on: October 07, 2016, 09:08:35 PM »
A very good friend borrowed $20 to put gas on her Prius coz she needs to show some houses to her buyers. She by the way have not been paying her mortgage for almost 2 years working on a loan modification on her 5 bedroom house with a saltwater pool which she owes over $900k. I have suggested to downside and start over, she answered, "I can't, what am I gonna do with my furniture?" 

This is the 3rd time she borrowed money in a month, first one was $176 since her phone is suspended and badly needs it for her real estate business, second for $110 as is she is at the outlet and "needs" to buy her son two (2) new basketball shoes.

want more?

Her car got totaled recently by her 16 year old son which I found out they dont have any insurance, so ended up without a car. I had started calling for her to help her find a cheap car and last week she called so happy coz she got a brand new BMW with zero down.

just keep digging.

You should decide where your limit is for enabling her now.

Miss Piggy

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 907
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1994 on: October 10, 2016, 07:41:32 PM »
Android? They explode. Get an iPhone 7s.

Make sure you get the gold-plated version. You don't want people to think you're poor (even if it makes you poor).

Unfortunately Apple no longer sells the 10,000$ Gold Apple Watch Edition so we're stuck looking like a bunch of paupers.

Unsure which is more damaging: having a Samsung that explodes and scars my child for life, or sending them to school with last years Iphone model...

Flip a coin. Either way, the kid is scarred for life. Bloody shame.

Kaydedid

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 213
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1995 on: October 12, 2016, 07:02:16 AM »
Cousin, who collects disability and works under the table, shockingly developed a true disability.  They demanded their mother buy a condo and rent it out to them, as their current apartment isn't set up to handle their disability.  Besides the audacity of demanding a condo in the first place, they have insane requirements for said condo.

They consider first-floor condos to be unsafe, because 'someone could break in', so the only option is a building with an elevator, which is $$$.
Only certain parts of town are deemed 'safe' (ie mostly white people), so again more $$$.
Mother would have to maintain condo on her own dime, and rent would be less than monthly HOA and mortgage.

Cousin is an skilled manipulator, and his mother is a past enabler who is vulnerable right now.  The rest of the family is begging the mother to nix the condo and just subsidize an apartment upgrade, which would still be enabling but with way less financial and emotional ramifications.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


Debonair

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 41
  • Age: 27
  • Location: Taiwan
    • DebonairDylan
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1996 on: October 14, 2016, 02:12:08 PM »
Sadly in my family it's my grandmother. Back when my father was young my grandparents bought a huge old house. Two stories plus basement and attic it was built in the 18 hundreds and the septic system is mainly from the 40's. It has a wood fernace and takes a lot of work to maintain.

This was not a huge deal when my grandfather was healthy but 5 years ago he had a stroke and lost a lot of physical ability. Now logically they should sell the large high matinance house and get a new place.

Sadly, that still has not happened yet. Their is just one reason after another why she can't sell the house, or the large collection of antiques she has in it,. When I went back to America this summer the house was a mess. It was no closer to being cleaned out and ready for market. In addition the lack of matinance is starting to lead to damage to the house.

I think that my grandmother sees the house and what is in it as her legacy and inheritance to leave to her family. Instead it is a pain to my family. Her only living child, my father, is instead being stuck with a massive burden in the mean time.

They bought too much house and took on too great a project. I love my grandmother but it's painful talking to her. She is shore that a house and property is the only way to hold wealth. She is encouraging my sister to buy the biggest most expensive house she and her fiancÚ can get a mortgage for. When I was home we ended up talking about saveing where I live in Taiwan. She was flabbergasted at the idea people saving 25% of their paycheck and putting money in CD were they can't get to it. I got a good warning not to become to Taiwanese.

« Last Edit: October 14, 2016, 02:19:05 PM by Debonair »
I write a travel blog, it has nothing to do with finance except I prefer traveling over "real work": http://debonairdylan.com

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1997 on: October 17, 2016, 10:05:49 AM »
I've got one. Relatives 70+ yrs old went for a $100K upgrade from a multi-level house to a single floor patio home aka zero-lot line condo style home (shared walls) with HOA fees. This is after upgrading a vehicle (older vehicle was fine). Now they need to decorate the new place and some purchases will be made.

And they mortgaged the new place.

I've got mixed feelings about it. We could be asked to help fund them if financial distress sets in later.

On one hand maybe there is enough retirement cash flow that they won't miss the payment money. I know there isn't enough savings.

On the other hand I just watched my grandmother (different part of the family) pass away a couple of years ago. She had some expensive health issues the last few years, moved into assisted living b/c she couldn't manage a home anymore or cook for herself. It took just about every dollar she had to reach her death. Had she survived her last trip to the hospital I have no idea how she would have made ends meet without family and/or state assistance.

And that's what I think alot about with the relatives that have the new mortgage. The children of these relatives don't have the financial resources to help themselves much let alone anyone else.

I suppose the mortgaged property could be sold and they could downsize again. I just don't want them to find themselves in a situation where it is all gone and they need some sort of healthcare assistance that they can't afford later in life.

Its good they are downsizing. Its good the old house is being sold b/c it has some issues that needs to be resolved (needs to be rewired, some of it needs to be taken back to the stud and refinished with new sheetrock and trim, wiring and plumbing, etc).

Not sure why the new solution needed to be something so expensive. Plenty of 3 bdrm / 2 bath single level homes there to choose from.
« Last Edit: October 17, 2016, 12:45:42 PM by Joe Lucky »

mtn

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1264
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1998 on: October 17, 2016, 10:11:21 AM »
I've got one. Relatives 70+ yrs old went for a $100K upgrade from a multi-level house to a single floor patio home aka zero-lot line condo style home (shared walls) with HOA fees. This is after upgrading a vehicle (older vehicle was fine). Now they need to decorate the new place and some purchases will be made.

And they mortgaged the new place.

I've got mixed feelings about it. We could be asked to help fund them if financial distress sets in later.

On one hand maybe there is enough retirement cash flow that they won't miss the payment money. I know there isn't enough savings.

On the other hand I just watched my grandmother (different part of the family) pass away a couple of years ago. She had some expensive health issues the last few years, moved into assisted living b/c she couldn't manage a home anymore or cook for herself. It took just about every dollar she had to reach her death. Had she survived her last trip to the hospital I have no idea how she would have made ends meet without family and/or state assistance.

And that's what I think alot about with the relatives that have the new mortgage. The children of these relatives don't have the financial resources to help themselves much let alone anyone else.

I suppose the mortgaged property could be sold and they could downsize again. I just don't want them to find themselves in a situation where it is all gone and they need some sort of healthcare assistance that they can't afford later in life.

Its good they are downsizing. Its good the old house is being sold b/c it has some issues that needs to be resolved (needs to be rewired, some of it needs to be taken back to the stud and refinished with new sheetrock and trim, wiring and plumbing, etc).

Not sure that the new solution was something so expensive. Plenty of 3 bdrm / 2 bath single level homes there to choose from.

Yeah, but these HOA fees are probably taking care of just about all external maintenance on the homes, and maybe more. I know my dad has looked into them before, and was serious about it until he realized he's not a huge fan of his neighbors right now who have 20-100 feet of land between his house and theirs; why would he want to share a wall with them?

As my brother said about Dad, he's gotten really, really good at finding the easy button and hitting it. But he's in a place where we don't have to worry about him financially.

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1999 on: October 17, 2016, 10:19:46 AM »
You are correct on the HOA fees. A good thing if they are affordable and spent carefully to purchase quality maintenance by the HOA association. I'm pleased about the whole thing except the mortgage. It is a solution for us at some point in the distant future when we can no longer maintain a stand alone home.