Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 782877 times)

onlykelsey

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1600 on: July 25, 2016, 09:57:44 AM »
I understand things happen and bankruptcy is a needed tool in society but these guys had no unexpected events or loss of job, no medical problems and what should be sufficient income; the just had no thought for year after year about how they had more going out than coming in.  I dont know all the details but it seems like they were not even really making an effort to be solvent for a long time, I am not implying fraud or a plain to live it up the go bankrupt but like dude come on!

People like this drive me up a wall.  There are people with serious disadvantages in society, and I am glad that we have systems like bankruptcy and food stamps etc to help them.  When idiots like your family friends rely on those systems, it makes them unnecessarily expensive and harder to justify.

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1601 on: July 25, 2016, 10:16:35 AM »
You can kick the can down the road, until the road ends.
Where I live, housing booms and busts is cyclic and normal, just like hurricanes.

Two very good points. from my naive POV I once thought things were pretty much the same all over the country (COL adjusted). We all rise and fall together - which is clearly not true I realize. (DUH!)

I think for me it was a function of watching the evening news which hasn't always done a good job of treating the nation as a regional one rather than a coast to coast beige situation. ;)

Probably cheaper for national news networks to make sweeping generalities than relying on regional experts for everything. Perhaps once upon a time 50 years ago that was good enough. Now our country is crowded enough that the news needs to take a more nuanced look more often than not.

Unemployment is this or that in this singular region. Never mind that it is going up or down nationally.

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1602 on: July 25, 2016, 03:19:24 PM »
Are we already back to an economy where they hand out loans to anyone with a pulse? So we collectively learned nothing from the Great Recession...
Yes and No.
Some of us did. Most didn't. The housing industry knew this is a rinse and repeat.
My cash pile is growing as there'll be another housing bust coming, in spite of the Federal Reserve's efforts of trying to prevent it. You can kick the can down the road, until the road ends.
Where I live, housing booms and busts is cyclic and normal, just like hurricanes.
Yes, I was just having a conversation with some people last week about it.  The market is cooling a little right now, but it's been pretty hot.  So hot that the house down the street sold for a bit more than we paid for ours in 2004. (Yes, for us, bad timing.  The "peak" in around 2006-07 was $370,000 *more* than the "trough" in 2010-11.  At least we weren't at the peak?)

Anyway, it *feels* like it's going to dip again.  Even though so many of the homes in this town are second homes, bought for cash, sometimes foreign investors.

All I know is that I'm saving my pennies, and if it dips by $200k again I'll consider purchasing a second home.

kayvent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1603 on: July 25, 2016, 03:25:15 PM »
Quote
If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited.

I've been reading through the thread and found that comment from November.   I have a story!

A couple of years ago, my husband's cousin posted on Facebook that he was getting married.    We didn't see it, because we're not FB friends with him, but BIL saw it and told his mother.  MIL immediately announced that we were all going to attend the wedding.   Husband and I said "But we weren't invited - the FB post just said something like 'Wow, I'm getting married in two weeks', not 'Come one, come all'."   MIL scoffed "Of course they want us there!    We're faaaaamily!"    When Husband and I still refused to go, she huffed "Fine, but you'd better RSVP to Cousin to tell him you're not coming."    We could NOT get it through her head that it's impossible to RSVP to an event that you were never actually invited to.

In your dear MIL's defence 'many' people do have a "everyone is invited" attitude about their wedding. The occasional individual would be offended if their cousin didn't show up for the wedding without RSVPing. Even when the cousin wasn't formally invited.

Cassie

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1604 on: July 25, 2016, 04:57:06 PM »
Most people that are having a wedding need to plan food, seating, etc so people not invited would be not only unwanted but would 3esent a problem with food, seating, etc.  I don't know one person where this would not be the case unless the reception is a picnic in the park with everyone bringing food.

Shalamar

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1605 on: July 25, 2016, 05:14:25 PM »
We later heard from MIL that the wedding and reception were "very small".    I'd bet money that Cousin was NOT expecting MIL, FIL, several of their children, children's spouses, and grandchildren.

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1606 on: July 25, 2016, 08:31:53 PM »
Quote
If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited.

I've been reading through the thread and found that comment from November.   I have a story!

A couple of years ago, my husband's cousin posted on Facebook that he was getting married.    We didn't see it, because we're not FB friends with him, but BIL saw it and told his mother.  MIL immediately announced that we were all going to attend the wedding.   Husband and I said "But we weren't invited - the FB post just said something like 'Wow, I'm getting married in two weeks', not 'Come one, come all'."   MIL scoffed "Of course they want us there!    We're faaaaamily!"    When Husband and I still refused to go, she huffed "Fine, but you'd better RSVP to Cousin to tell him you're not coming."    We could NOT get it through her head that it's impossible to RSVP to an event that you were never actually invited to.

MiL also goes to weddings to which is not invited. Just the ceremony. She just shows up to the church and watches. She only does this for people she knows, but she probably does it half a dozen times a year.

She has invited me to go with her on this strangest of hobbies. I declined, obviously. She still doesn't understand how someone can be totally uninterested in weddings. I go to weddings for the people involved, not for the sideshow!

(A family friend is getting married OS in January. I'm not interested in going. My husband travels a lot for work so we decided if he happens to be in Europe, he'll go. BiL then suggested the three of us go together, and oh, could we cover his flights with points? *rolls eyes*)

Freedomin5

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1607 on: July 25, 2016, 09:01:43 PM »
MIL told me to get a new stroller because "the one you have now looks old, and I feel ashamed walking beside you when you push my granddaughter in it". We live and work in a different country and only visit once every two years. Also, for those of you who know strollers, I have a Maclaren that is extremely sturdy and clean, with no broken parts.

My second story is about another family member. She is completely broke,  unemployed, has a 10- year-old son, and lives with her parents. She recently came into some money. The following conversation ensued between her, her son, and my hubby:

Son: I want to buy a new top of the line gaming computer.
Her: Oh yeah? Talk to [hubby], he studied computers in university (hubby has degree in computer science)
Son: (selects one that is $3500)
Hubby: why don't you get the second best one? It will still meet all your gaming needs, and only costs $1500. (Hubby realizes that they really should not be buying a computer at all, but presents this one as a compromise)
Her: just let him get the one he wants. I have the money to pay for it. And he doesn't have a dad. He deserves some nice things. Besides, if we get a good computer, he won't need a new one for like, ten to fifteen years.
Hubby: Okaaay, I don't think you understand how quickly computers break down or become obsolete, or how unnecessary these specs are for gaming.

Hubby later rhetorically asks me why they even bothered asking for his opinion, and then shakes his head at her incredible fiscal irresponsibility.

LAL

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1608 on: July 25, 2016, 10:48:34 PM »
I've got relatives who are the exact opposite.  They can't understand retiring early.  No one can understand how early retirement works.  Sigh.

Goldielocks

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1609 on: July 25, 2016, 11:47:57 PM »
Quote
If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited.

I've been reading through the thread and found that comment from November.   I have a story!

A couple of years ago, my husband's cousin posted on Facebook that he was getting married.    We didn't see it, because we're not FB friends with him, but BIL saw it and told his mother.  MIL immediately announced that we were all going to attend the wedding.   Husband and I said "But we weren't invited - the FB post just said something like 'Wow, I'm getting married in two weeks', not 'Come one, come all'."   MIL scoffed "Of course they want us there!    We're faaaaamily!"    When Husband and I still refused to go, she huffed "Fine, but you'd better RSVP to Cousin to tell him you're not coming."    We could NOT get it through her head that it's impossible to RSVP to an event that you were never actually invited to.

MiL also goes to weddings to which is not invited. Just the ceremony. She just shows up to the church and watches. She only does this for people she knows, but she probably does it half a dozen times a year.

She has invited me to go with her on this strangest of hobbies. I declined, obviously. She still doesn't understand how someone can be totally uninterested in weddings. I go to weddings for the people involved, not for the sideshow!


It is actually culturally correct for my church and area, to attend weddings and funerals to which you are not directly invited but may know the primary participants or their direct relatives somewhat.  (These are held in the church in which you are a member.) Both are considered events that are good to be witnessed by the community you share your lives with, even if the reception or luncheon is small and private "invite only".

I know that some cultures reverse this-- a large crowd for the reception, but the ceremony is private, family only.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1610 on: July 26, 2016, 02:26:00 AM »
Quote
If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited.

I've been reading through the thread and found that comment from November.   I have a story!

A couple of years ago, my husband's cousin posted on Facebook that he was getting married.    We didn't see it, because we're not FB friends with him, but BIL saw it and told his mother.  MIL immediately announced that we were all going to attend the wedding.   Husband and I said "But we weren't invited - the FB post just said something like 'Wow, I'm getting married in two weeks', not 'Come one, come all'."   MIL scoffed "Of course they want us there!    We're faaaaamily!"    When Husband and I still refused to go, she huffed "Fine, but you'd better RSVP to Cousin to tell him you're not coming."    We could NOT get it through her head that it's impossible to RSVP to an event that you were never actually invited to.

MiL also goes to weddings to which is not invited. Just the ceremony. She just shows up to the church and watches. She only does this for people she knows, but she probably does it half a dozen times a year.

She has invited me to go with her on this strangest of hobbies. I declined, obviously. She still doesn't understand how someone can be totally uninterested in weddings. I go to weddings for the people involved, not for the sideshow!


It is actually culturally correct for my church and area, to attend weddings and funerals to which you are not directly invited but may know the primary participants or their direct relatives somewhat.  (These are held in the church in which you are a member.) Both are considered events that are good to be witnessed by the community you share your lives with, even if the reception or luncheon is small and private "invite only".

I know that some cultures reverse this-- a large crowd for the reception, but the ceremony is private, family only.

Yup. When we got married we got away with not inviting the entire congregation to the ceremony only with the collusion of the priest in basically not telling anyone when it was happening for as long as possible. However, they threw a party for us after the Sunday service the next day (which was also a going away party as we were moving to a different city in a few days time). The party was excruciating for me (I am really NOT a party person and do NOT like being the centre of attention), but I get that they wanted to celebrate this life event with us and I am so grateful that they all cared that much. I just wish they could have expressed that care in a chronic-introvert-friendly way. I gritted my teeth and thought of higher things, but I am so glad I didn't have to walk down the aisle and make my vows in front of the entire congregation. We just had fifteen close friends and family, and a nice time.

Primm

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1611 on: July 26, 2016, 03:24:21 AM »
Quote
If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited.

I've been reading through the thread and found that comment from November.   I have a story!

A couple of years ago, my husband's cousin posted on Facebook that he was getting married.    We didn't see it, because we're not FB friends with him, but BIL saw it and told his mother.  MIL immediately announced that we were all going to attend the wedding.   Husband and I said "But we weren't invited - the FB post just said something like 'Wow, I'm getting married in two weeks', not 'Come one, come all'."   MIL scoffed "Of course they want us there!    We're faaaaamily!"    When Husband and I still refused to go, she huffed "Fine, but you'd better RSVP to Cousin to tell him you're not coming."    We could NOT get it through her head that it's impossible to RSVP to an event that you were never actually invited to.

MiL also goes to weddings to which is not invited. Just the ceremony. She just shows up to the church and watches. She only does this for people she knows, but she probably does it half a dozen times a year.

She has invited me to go with her on this strangest of hobbies. I declined, obviously. She still doesn't understand how someone can be totally uninterested in weddings. I go to weddings for the people involved, not for the sideshow!


It is actually culturally correct for my church and area, to attend weddings and funerals to which you are not directly invited but may know the primary participants or their direct relatives somewhat.  (These are held in the church in which you are a member.) Both are considered events that are good to be witnessed by the community you share your lives with, even if the reception or luncheon is small and private "invite only".

I know that some cultures reverse this-- a large crowd for the reception, but the ceremony is private, family only.

Same here. Rural Australia, and the accepted practice is for the attendees to be closest to the ceremony and the "uninvited but expected" to attend and stand at the back. Or sit if it's in a venue where there are enough seats for the invitees plus.

We had probably 20 "uninvited" guests at our wedding in 2008, and I loved seeing each and every one of them. Ceremony only though, so we didn't have to pay for their meal or anything. In fact I put up a notice at work telling everyone the date and time, and probably half of these people were colleagues.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1612 on: July 26, 2016, 06:42:22 AM »
Quote
If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited.

I've been reading through the thread and found that comment from November.   I have a story!

A couple of years ago, my husband's cousin posted on Facebook that he was getting married.    We didn't see it, because we're not FB friends with him, but BIL saw it and told his mother.  MIL immediately announced that we were all going to attend the wedding.   Husband and I said "But we weren't invited - the FB post just said something like 'Wow, I'm getting married in two weeks', not 'Come one, come all'."   MIL scoffed "Of course they want us there!    We're faaaaamily!"    When Husband and I still refused to go, she huffed "Fine, but you'd better RSVP to Cousin to tell him you're not coming."    We could NOT get it through her head that it's impossible to RSVP to an event that you were never actually invited to.

MiL also goes to weddings to which is not invited. Just the ceremony. She just shows up to the church and watches. She only does this for people she knows, but she probably does it half a dozen times a year.

She has invited me to go with her on this strangest of hobbies. I declined, obviously. She still doesn't understand how someone can be totally uninterested in weddings. I go to weddings for the people involved, not for the sideshow!


It is actually culturally correct for my church and area, to attend weddings and funerals to which you are not directly invited but may know the primary participants or their direct relatives somewhat.  (These are held in the church in which you are a member.) Both are considered events that are good to be witnessed by the community you share your lives with, even if the reception or luncheon is small and private "invite only".

I know that some cultures reverse this-- a large crowd for the reception, but the ceremony is private, family only.

Same here. Rural Australia, and the accepted practice is for the attendees to be closest to the ceremony and the "uninvited but expected" to attend and stand at the back. Or sit if it's in a venue where there are enough seats for the invitees plus.

We had probably 20 "uninvited" guests at our wedding in 2008, and I loved seeing each and every one of them. Ceremony only though, so we didn't have to pay for their meal or anything. In fact I put up a notice at work telling everyone the date and time, and probably half of these people were colleagues.

I don't understand the pagentry that weddings have become. Then again, I'm Indian, and so my family/community feels the need to put on an absolute shitshow with multiple events. Thankfully many of these events have an open bar....

Guava

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1613 on: July 26, 2016, 07:04:44 AM »
I have a cousin that had a baby last year while she was still a teenager. At least she managed to graduate high school even though she spent most of it pregnant. And her SO has stuck around, which we didn't expect. They had been living together during her senior year in an apartment and he had a decent security job. When the baby was born, they moved in with her mom (who was a single mom with a low income and notoriously bad with money). I find out a few months later they have paid her $0 for living there and he was fired from his job. He now refuses to work. She has been refusing to work since she was 6 months pregnant, and my low income aunt is on disability for a neck injury that occurred a few weeks after the baby was born. My cousin and her SO do nothing for the child, leaving it all to my aunt who supposedly could be paralyzed by picking up more than 5lbs.  Meanwhile they dress the baby in name brand only and new clothes only and Nike shoes. Their house is a disaster because no one cleans it and there isn't even room for the baby to try to start crawling or play. She has 5 diaper bags, one of which is Coach and one that is Victoria's Secret. Meanwhile, most of the family justifies her behavior because she never had a dad growing up and that somehow means she can do whatever she wants and still be the family favorite (if you sense jealousy...that is because there is. I got very sick near the time she gave birth and waited to notify people until a few days later and was accused of taking her happy moment away...because I wanted to be deathly ill, apparently.)

I just found out they are inviting 100 people to the baby's first birthday. That's more people than I am having at my wedding. They are asking family to help throw the party such as purchasing the cake and the food. They will do the decorations only. And this is why I screen their phone calls. That child is going to have a rough life ahead of him if things keep up this way.
Oy, are we related?  Actually I had a similar convo with my big sister...her husband's sister's kid is doing exactly the same thing.  It's pretty horrible. But hubby's sister allows it to happen, they live with her.

On a positive note, I have a cousin who got pregnant in HS.  Stayed with the dad, lived at home with her widowed mom (who helped with child care), went to the local college.  Eventually got married...

Fast forward 20 years later. Her kid is on full scholarship for engineering at a state university.  She finished college, got a PhD in physics, applied to be an astronaut (hasn't made it...yet), and is still happily married.

If we are related, I apologize for the insanity of this family :)   I guess the baby's father left some time over the last few days and has decided to move out of state. He leaves today. I have seen all the warning flags of abuse from him along with the numerous unexplainable injuries and fingertip bruises on my cousin so I am not really going to complain about that.

That's a really positive story about your cousin! It is nice to hear those. My older brother and I are products of teenage motherhood and also have had great success so I know it's possible. It just depends on the people.

jinga nation

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1614 on: July 26, 2016, 07:49:54 AM »
Yup. When we got married we got away with not inviting the entire congregation to the ceremony only with the collusion of the priest in basically not telling anyone when it was happening for as long as possible. However, they threw a party for us after the Sunday service the next day (which was also a going away party as we were moving to a different city in a few days time). The party was excruciating for me (I am really NOT a party person and do NOT like being the centre of attention), but I get that they wanted to celebrate this life event with us and I am so grateful that they all cared that much. I just wish they could have expressed that care in a chronic-introvert-friendly way. I gritted my teeth and thought of higher things, but I am so glad I didn't have to walk down the aisle and make my vows in front of the entire congregation. We just had fifteen close friends and family, and a nice time.
This reminds me of 'The Vicar of Dibley'.
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AlwaysLearningToSave

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1615 on: July 26, 2016, 08:04:24 AM »
Quote
If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited.

I've been reading through the thread and found that comment from November.   I have a story!

A couple of years ago, my husband's cousin posted on Facebook that he was getting married.    We didn't see it, because we're not FB friends with him, but BIL saw it and told his mother.  MIL immediately announced that we were all going to attend the wedding.   Husband and I said "But we weren't invited - the FB post just said something like 'Wow, I'm getting married in two weeks', not 'Come one, come all'."   MIL scoffed "Of course they want us there!    We're faaaaamily!"    When Husband and I still refused to go, she huffed "Fine, but you'd better RSVP to Cousin to tell him you're not coming."    We could NOT get it through her head that it's impossible to RSVP to an event that you were never actually invited to.

In your dear MIL's defence 'many' people do have a "everyone is invited" attitude about their wedding. The occasional individual would be offended if their cousin didn't show up for the wedding without RSVPing. Even when the cousin wasn't formally invited.

We later heard from MIL that the wedding and reception were "very small".    I'd bet money that Cousin was NOT expecting MIL, FIL, several of their children, children's spouses, and grandchildren.

Most people that are having a wedding need to plan food, seating, etc so people not invited would be not only unwanted but would 3esent a problem with food, seating, etc.  I don't know one person where this would not be the case unless the reception is a picnic in the park with everyone bringing food.

This all is extraordinarily irritating to me.  Everyone should learn the art of writing formal invitations for exactly this reason-- when done well, it is an extraordinarily efficient form of communication that eliminates ambiguity and confusion.  Maybe you won't host many events in your lifetime but you will certainly be invited to many events, so learning to write an invitation will help you interpret invitations when you receive them.  Want to know whether you can bring a guest?  Look at the invitation.  Is it appropriate for kids to attend?  The invitation should tell you.  Attire?  Also in a good invitation. 

Didn't get an invitation?  You are not invited, so don't show up.  Don't take it personally.  The hosts need to draw the line somewhere and usually cost-- not spite-- is the limiting factor.  The two exceptions I can think of are if you come as a guest of an invitee who is encouraged to bring guests or the invitation says something to the effect of, "All are welcome."   

I heard a story from a friend who had unexpected extended family members show up at a wedding.  Of course they tried to accommodate the unexpected guests because, well, what else are the bride and groom going to do in that situation?  Turning them away because they were not invited is not really an option at that point.  They had to add a table and find additional place settings and of course the caterer charged them through the nose for the last minute addition.  There was more than a little resentment about the awkward position the bride and groom were placed in and the hassle and additional cost it created.  Let's just say the wedding gifts the family members left did not acknowledge the cost and inconvenience their presence created. 

infogoon

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1616 on: July 26, 2016, 08:32:48 AM »
+1 for formal invitations, sent well in advance. My in-laws have this irritating habit of throwing family parties without so much as an email or Facebook invitation. Which wouldn't be a problem, except they get pissy about it when we're "late" to something we were never given a start time for. And of course, I'm endlessly canceling or moving around other engagements for things like "Your godson's birthday party is in two days. You're coming, right?"

mm1970

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1617 on: July 26, 2016, 09:18:16 AM »
Quote
If you don't receive an invitation, you weren't invited.

I've been reading through the thread and found that comment from November.   I have a story!

A couple of years ago, my husband's cousin posted on Facebook that he was getting married.    We didn't see it, because we're not FB friends with him, but BIL saw it and told his mother.  MIL immediately announced that we were all going to attend the wedding.   Husband and I said "But we weren't invited - the FB post just said something like 'Wow, I'm getting married in two weeks', not 'Come one, come all'."   MIL scoffed "Of course they want us there!    We're faaaaamily!"    When Husband and I still refused to go, she huffed "Fine, but you'd better RSVP to Cousin to tell him you're not coming."    We could NOT get it through her head that it's impossible to RSVP to an event that you were never actually invited to.

MiL also goes to weddings to which is not invited. Just the ceremony. She just shows up to the church and watches. She only does this for people she knows, but she probably does it half a dozen times a year.

She has invited me to go with her on this strangest of hobbies. I declined, obviously. She still doesn't understand how someone can be totally uninterested in weddings. I go to weddings for the people involved, not for the sideshow!

(A family friend is getting married OS in January. I'm not interested in going. My husband travels a lot for work so we decided if he happens to be in Europe, he'll go. BiL then suggested the three of us go together, and oh, could we cover his flights with points? *rolls eyes*)
We had a few people RSVP that they'd come who didn't make it (stuck in Europe), and we had about 10 people not invited who said they were coming (ironically, European).  But at least we got a heads' up.

So, we planned our wedding for mid-July, about September the prior year.  We paid for it, so our budget was "about 100 people".  Considering my family is HUGE, that took a lot of tightening on the guest list.  My husband's family is very small.  Hubby's sister got engaged in December and planned her wedding for 2 weeks before ours. Her wedding was *much* bigger - about 350 people.  That did make some things a bit awkward - like FIL's business friend who handed us a wedding gift at the sister's wedding, because "I am not invited to yours." (Um, I don't know you and I cut my family invites to the bone, buddy.)

Anyway, because relatives from Europe were invited to SILs wedding, they came to hers AND ours.  We didn't specifically invite them to ours, but were happy to have them there.  And the scheduling of the wedding 2 weeks from ours was on purpose, because their grandmother was flying over from Europe for the weddings.

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1618 on: July 26, 2016, 09:31:41 AM »
MIL told me to get a new stroller because "the one you have now looks old, and I feel ashamed walking beside you when you push my granddaughter in it". We live and work in a different country and only visit once every two years. Also, for those of you who know strollers, I have a Maclaren that is extremely sturdy and clean, with no broken parts.

My second story is about another family member. She is completely broke,  unemployed, has a 10- year-old son, and lives with her parents. She recently came into some money. The following conversation ensued between her, her son, and my hubby:

Son: I want to buy a new top of the line gaming computer.
Her: Oh yeah? Talk to [hubby], he studied computers in university (hubby has degree in computer science)
Son: (selects one that is $3500)
Hubby: why don't you get the second best one? It will still meet all your gaming needs, and only costs $1500. (Hubby realizes that they really should not be buying a computer at all, but presents this one as a compromise)
Her: just let him get the one he wants. I have the money to pay for it. And he doesn't have a dad. He deserves some nice things. Besides, if we get a good computer, he won't need a new one for like, ten to fifteen years.
Hubby: Okaaay, I don't think you understand how quickly computers break down or become obsolete, or how unnecessary these specs are for gaming.

Hubby later rhetorically asks me why they even bothered asking for his opinion, and then shakes his head at her incredible fiscal irresponsibility.

Maybe talking about the future purchase is just part of the "fun" for them. I have a coworker that likes to tell me all about the things he's going to buy soon. Then asks should I buy this one or that one? I don't know. Don't care really. Of course I can't say that quite so bluntly. Other people ask me about cars. When i make a MMM-style suggestion they just roll on to tell me about their preference for something big, fast and/or expensive. I tell them to enjoy it before driving home in my well aged, well maintained $1500 car.

jinga nation

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1619 on: July 26, 2016, 10:21:24 AM »
Hubby later rhetorically asks me why they even bothered asking for his opinion, and then shakes his head at her incredible fiscal irresponsibility.
This is me. Which is why I tell me wife to never tell anyone that I'm a Mr. Fixit, or Mr. Tech Guy, or Mr. Engineer. Just tell them I work with the government and military on an air base. Anything adverse will have to reported on my periodic clearance investigations. That's how I KEEP THE STUPID AWAY.
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AlwaysLearningToSave

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1620 on: July 26, 2016, 11:28:42 AM »
+1 for formal invitations, sent well in advance. My in-laws have this irritating habit of throwing family parties without so much as an email or Facebook invitation. Which wouldn't be a problem, except they get pissy about it when we're "late" to something we were never given a start time for.

I had these issues with my family, too.  My family is the one that doesn't communicate about plans whereas my wife is the type where if it is not planned at least a month in advance it probably isn't going to happen.  We've had to do quite a bit of boundary laying to get to a point where they plan ahead enough to be reasonable.

Quote
And of course, I'm endlessly canceling or moving around other engagements for things like "Your godson's birthday party is in two days. You're coming, right?"

This is as irritating as anything because it turns you into a flake even though you did your best to plan in advance.  My suggestion-- the answer to this question is: "No."  They will probably be upset at you and try to guilt-trip you into changing your schedule but you must stick to your guns.  If they ask why you aren't coming, tell them that you made other plans because you didn't know there was a party that day.  Tell them you are very sorry to miss it and then ask them to give you at least a few weeks' notice next time so that you can be sure to block off the time.  In the future, if you are scheduling something around the time of the godson's birthday, ask, "When is Godson's party going to be?  I'm scheduling X but want to be sure I can make it to the party."  If they commit to a time, schedule your other things around it.  If they don't, give them a deadline.  If they don't meet the deadline and your schedule ends up conflicting with the party, that's their problem, not yours, and you get to keep the commitments you make. 

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1621 on: July 26, 2016, 11:53:08 AM »
I have a cousin that had a baby last year while she was still a teenager. At least she managed to graduate high school even though she spent most of it pregnant. And her SO has stuck around, which we didn't expect. They had been living together during her senior year in an apartment and he had a decent security job. When the baby was born, they moved in with her mom (who was a single mom with a low income and notoriously bad with money). I find out a few months later they have paid her $0 for living there and he was fired from his job. He now refuses to work. She has been refusing to work since she was 6 months pregnant, and my low income aunt is on disability for a neck injury that occurred a few weeks after the baby was born. My cousin and her SO do nothing for the child, leaving it all to my aunt who supposedly could be paralyzed by picking up more than 5lbs.  Meanwhile they dress the baby in name brand only and new clothes only and Nike shoes. Their house is a disaster because no one cleans it and there isn't even room for the baby to try to start crawling or play. She has 5 diaper bags, one of which is Coach and one that is Victoria's Secret. Meanwhile, most of the family justifies her behavior because she never had a dad growing up and that somehow means she can do whatever she wants and still be the family favorite (if you sense jealousy...that is because there is. I got very sick near the time she gave birth and waited to notify people until a few days later and was accused of taking her happy moment away...because I wanted to be deathly ill, apparently.)

I just found out they are inviting 100 people to the baby's first birthday. That's more people than I am having at my wedding. They are asking family to help throw the party such as purchasing the cake and the food. They will do the decorations only. And this is why I screen their phone calls. That child is going to have a rough life ahead of him if things keep up this way.
Oy, are we related?  Actually I had a similar convo with my big sister...her husband's sister's kid is doing exactly the same thing.  It's pretty horrible. But hubby's sister allows it to happen, they live with her.

On a positive note, I have a cousin who got pregnant in HS.  Stayed with the dad, lived at home with her widowed mom (who helped with child care), went to the local college.  Eventually got married...

Fast forward 20 years later. Her kid is on full scholarship for engineering at a state university.  She finished college, got a PhD in physics, applied to be an astronaut (hasn't made it...yet), and is still happily married.

If we are related, I apologize for the insanity of this family :)   I guess the baby's father left some time over the last few days and has decided to move out of state. He leaves today. I have seen all the warning flags of abuse from him along with the numerous unexplainable injuries and fingertip bruises on my cousin so I am not really going to complain about that.

That's a really positive story about your cousin! It is nice to hear those. My older brother and I are products of teenage motherhood and also have had great success so I know it's possible. It just depends on the people.

My neighbor got pregnant during her senior year of high school. The guy immediately ducked away and she kept the baby. She went to college and later law school and as far as I know, is doing very well. She did have some distinct advantages, such as two semi-retired loving parents who are willing to babysit virtually anytime).

Sibley

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1622 on: July 26, 2016, 12:27:40 PM »
Today I was discussing with my MIL, who lives with us, a future renovation of my kitchen (that I've put off 3 years so far). She suddenly asks if I'll be getting a new refrigerator. I sputter, confused, then finally just ask,

"Why would I do that?."

"Because it's old."

"But it works."

"Well... I guess I just would really like an ice maker."

"I'm not buying a new fridge just so you can have an ice maker. The ice trays are also fully functional."

@_@

"Feel free to pay for it."

- My response to my BiL when he comments - every time he visits - on how small our TV is and how we should buy a new one.

Related, but anyone who comments or complains about the cleanliness (or lack thereof) of my car is welcome to clean it. Seriously.

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1623 on: July 26, 2016, 12:35:14 PM »
This is as irritating as anything because it turns you into a flake even though you did your best to plan in advance.  My suggestion-- the answer to this question is: "No."  They will probably be upset at you and try to guilt-trip you into changing your schedule but you must stick to your guns.  If they ask why you aren't coming, tell them that you made other plans because you didn't know there was a party that day.  Tell them you are very sorry to miss it and then ask them to give you at least a few weeks' notice next time so that you can be sure to block off the time.  In the future, if you are scheduling something around the time of the godson's birthday, ask, "When is Godson's party going to be?  I'm scheduling X but want to be sure I can make it to the party."  If they commit to a time, schedule your other things around it.  If they don't, give them a deadline.  If they don't meet the deadline and your schedule ends up conflicting with the party, that's their problem, not yours, and you get to keep the commitments you make.

Tell them you have a planned weekend away and you can't break the reservations.

The weekend away is away from the telephone, in the backyard resting and relaxing. It helps if you live in a different town where they can't just pop over to your house.

Apples

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1624 on: July 26, 2016, 01:40:41 PM »
On the topics of weddings and invites...

We invited a longtime employee of my family's business to our wedding, along with his mom who we have known forever.  She's the type of lady who shows up at your graduation and when they ask for a ticket pretends she can't understand English and goes and sits up front to get a good picture, then makes more food than anyone could possibly eat.  Our invites had the names of the invitees listed, and then had the blank number can attend out of the the #we invited.  That apparently didn't suit her purposes.  She sent us a lovely Easter card with a list of the 10 family members she would be bringing with her to the wedding.  I didn't dare call her and tell her otherwise, it might have broken her heart.  So instead of 2 people we had 12 for that particular invite.  At least they didn't show up unannounced, that really would have gone badly!

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1625 on: July 27, 2016, 07:46:33 AM »
Quote

It is actually culturally correct for my church and area, to attend weddings and funerals to which you are not directly invited but may know the primary participants or their direct relatives somewhat.  (These are held in the church in which you are a member.) Both are considered events that are good to be witnessed by the community you share your lives with, even if the reception or luncheon is small and private "invite only".

I know that some cultures reverse this-- a large crowd for the reception, but the ceremony is private, family only.

This was true where I grew up in long island, New York
...haven't run into a similar set of mores anywhere else I've moved in the U.S.

Nederstash

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1626 on: July 27, 2016, 11:45:23 AM »
Let me be very clear: I love my parents dearly, they have done a damn decent job of raising us kids despite all that life has thrown at them... but they have been getting on my case about getting a bigger car. But I love my little crockpot on wheels - even better, taxes and insurance combined are 50 bucks a month. That's pretty low as far as I can tell. Together with maintenance, this car costs me under 100 dollars a month (excluding gas). My parents, however, drive a giant beast that costs them around 600 a month (excluding gas). And at 65, they can't quite retire yet. Sure, the car is lovely and sure it's very comfy... but I really just need something that gets me from A to B, not something that leaves skidmarks on my wallet.

MgoSam

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1627 on: July 27, 2016, 01:42:18 PM »
Today I was discussing with my MIL, who lives with us, a future renovation of my kitchen (that I've put off 3 years so far). She suddenly asks if I'll be getting a new refrigerator. I sputter, confused, then finally just ask,

"Why would I do that?."

"Because it's old."

"But it works."

"Well... I guess I just would really like an ice maker."

"I'm not buying a new fridge just so you can have an ice maker. The ice trays are also fully functional."

@_@

"Feel free to pay for it."

- My response to my BiL when he comments - every time he visits - on how small our TV is and how we should buy a new one.

Related, but anyone who comments or complains about the cleanliness (or lack thereof) of my car is welcome to clean it. Seriously.

+1! This gets on my case as well. I can understand if there is absolute filth, but a few weeks ago my dad asked me to drop him off to the airport and I said sure. The day before my mom called to remind me to make sure that my car is clean. I almost said, "What am I, an Uber service," but didn't.

A few years ago my aunt had a nephew coming and staying with her for a month. My dad was going abroad for a few weeks and so they asked to borrow his car so that the nephew would have a car. He would drive my aunt's car and she would drive my dad's. My mom said yes and they picked it up. Well they called a few times to complain about dirty it is and tried to ask without asking for my mom to reimburse them for getting it detailed (my dad smoked at the time). My mom asked me what to do and I almost told her, "Tell them to go #$$ themselves," but instead gave a much more reasonable response of, "Your doing them a favor, I'd tell that it would cost ___ to rent a car for that time, so we will expect that, but we are willing to subtract the cost of detailing it..." Of course mom wouldn't. My point was to make it clear to my mom that she was doing them a favor. 90+% of the miles driven on my dad's car were by him with him only in the car.


Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1628 on: July 28, 2016, 07:41:32 AM »
I can't help but think about "Back to the Future" where Biff wrecks George McFly's car and complains about spilling his beer, etc. The whole my mistake, your responsibility thing...

K-ice

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1629 on: July 28, 2016, 11:43:42 AM »
This is not really a facepunch worthy error but my relative asked me to look into an RBC GIC.

RBC Canadian Banking MarketSmart GIC
http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/gic/gic-interest-rates.html

She was all excited saying that the rate if you lock it in for 5y is GUARANTEED 4% to a max of 20%.

Wow, that sounds great! She is a preferred client so I though it might be a special offer.

I found it on line, and at first said yes it looks like it really is between 4% to 20%.

Wow, maybe I should buy some.

But watch for the fine print

" The Minimum Return and Maximum Return are discretionary, set by the Bank at the time of GIC purchase and are expressed as an interest rate per term. "

That is the rate you will earn over 5 years.

So basically the annual rate of return is not even between 1% and 4%, actually it is between 0.79% and 3.7%.

If you are conservative, and want to safely lock your money for 5 years at that rate, go ahead.

But it should be illegal for the banks to sell a product without clearly disclosing the annual rate of return.

This relative is a senior who thought the were getting a very good deal.

At least they asked, now if they want to purchase it, I will not disagree (senior, conservative & it's their money), but they should not be bamboozled by the bank salesperson. 






 

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1630 on: July 28, 2016, 04:22:35 PM »
This is not really a facepunch worthy error but my relative asked me to look into an RBC GIC.

RBC Canadian Banking MarketSmart GIC
http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/products/gic/gic-interest-rates.html

She was all excited saying that the rate if you lock it in for 5y is GUARANTEED 4% to a max of 20%.

Wow, that sounds great! She is a preferred client so I though it might be a special offer.

I found it on line, and at first said yes it looks like it really is between 4% to 20%.

Wow, maybe I should buy some.

But watch for the fine print

" The Minimum Return and Maximum Return are discretionary, set by the Bank at the time of GIC purchase and are expressed as an interest rate per term. "

That is the rate you will earn over 5 years.

So basically the annual rate of return is not even between 1% and 4%, actually it is between 0.79% and 3.7%.

If you are conservative, and want to safely lock your money for 5 years at that rate, go ahead.

But it should be illegal for the banks to sell a product without clearly disclosing the annual rate of return.

This relative is a senior who thought the were getting a very good deal.

At least they asked, now if they want to purchase it, I will not disagree (senior, conservative & it's their money), but they should not be bamboozled by the bank salesperson.

I noticed a bunch of those ads going up around Vancouver a year or two ago! I read the fine print immediately, because the big banks are all such crooks here. What a load of BS.
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Inaya

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1631 on: July 28, 2016, 06:23:46 PM »
Maybe I'm way off base here because my financial education isn't nearly as full as I'd like it to be (working on it), but if you ignore the sneakiness involved, aren't those rates actually really good? In the US it's very unusual to see bank interest rates above 1%, and even a 5-year CD won't get you even 3%.


Granted, I'd avoid it in general due to the deceitful advertising, but if you ignore that I'd say go for it. I've got a sizable emergency fund in a .95% account currently, and I'd dearly love 3.6% on it.
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K-ice

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1632 on: July 28, 2016, 09:33:19 PM »
.... aren't those rates actually really good?

Your right it's more about the deception.

It's not bad for risk free. A locked in 5y GIC (CD) at the same bank is 1.4% annual rate.

So about a total 7% over the 5 years.

A 0.78% to 3.7% annual rate of return is not bad, but just do not "sell" it to seniors as a 4% to 20% "rate".


marty998

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1633 on: July 29, 2016, 02:17:55 AM »
Yup. When we got married we got away with not inviting the entire congregation to the ceremony only with the collusion of the priest in basically not telling anyone when it was happening for as long as possible. However, they threw a party for us after the Sunday service the next day (which was also a going away party as we were moving to a different city in a few days time). The party was excruciating for me (I am really NOT a party person and do NOT like being the centre of attention), but I get that they wanted to celebrate this life event with us and I am so grateful that they all cared that much. I just wish they could have expressed that care in a chronic-introvert-friendly way. I gritted my teeth and thought of higher things, but I am so glad I didn't have to walk down the aisle and make my vows in front of the entire congregation. We just had fifteen close friends and family, and a nice time.
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BlueHouse

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1634 on: July 29, 2016, 06:28:45 AM »
Quote

It is actually culturally correct for my church and area, to attend weddings and funerals to which you are not directly invited but may know the primary participants or their direct relatives somewhat.  (These are held in the church in which you are a member.) Both are considered events that are good to be witnessed by the community you share your lives with, even if the reception or luncheon is small and private "invite only".

I know that some cultures reverse this-- a large crowd for the reception, but the ceremony is private, family only.

This was true where I grew up in long island, New York
...haven't run into a similar set of mores anywhere else I've moved in the U.S.
South jersey here and we did it too. My mom dragged me to many church ceremonies with her when we weren't invited. I just assumed the reason no one does it anymore is because no one sees the ceremony as the main event anymore. Don't know though. I'm not really immersed in religious societies anymore
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Tjat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1635 on: July 29, 2016, 06:36:55 AM »
Related, but anyone who comments or complains about the cleanliness (or lack thereof) of my car is welcome to clean it. Seriously.

+1! This gets on my case as well. I can understand if there is absolute filth, but a few weeks ago my dad asked me to drop him off to the airport and I said sure. The day before my mom called to remind me to make sure that my car is clean. I almost said, "What am I, an Uber service," but didn't.

A few years ago my aunt had a nephew coming and staying with her for a month. My dad was going abroad for a few weeks and so they asked to borrow his car so that the nephew would have a car. He would drive my aunt's car and she would drive my dad's. My mom said yes and they picked it up. Well they called a few times to complain about dirty it is and tried to ask without asking for my mom to reimburse them for getting it detailed (my dad smoked at the time). My mom asked me what to do and I almost told her, "Tell them to go #$$ themselves," but instead gave a much more reasonable response of, "Your doing them a favor, I'd tell that it would cost ___ to rent a car for that time, so we will expect that, but we are willing to subtract the cost of detailing it..." Of course mom wouldn't. My point was to make it clear to my mom that she was doing them a favor. 90+% of the miles driven on my dad's car were by him with him only in the car.

I sort of disagree. Anyone hosting or doing a favor for someone should have a level of self-respect to not present themselves as slovenly. If I went to borrow someone's car and it smelled like an ashtray or went to stay at someone's trashed house, I'd refuse it.

I am a bit sensitive as I took my young daughter to my parents summer cabin for the weekend and ended up having to vacuum up dirt, dead bugs, and pills from the floor....

Making Cookies

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1636 on: July 29, 2016, 07:12:56 AM »
I'm a fixer / cleaner.

If I borrow a car then I clean it/detail it before I return it. If it is dirty on the front end then I do it at the beginning of my time with the vehicle rather than at the end. ;) I have a friend who loves me to borrow their pickup truck b/c it always comes back better than it left. I've even fixed a few things along the way.

I don't borrow houses but I guess I'd do the same.

IndyPendent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1637 on: July 29, 2016, 07:34:04 AM »
So this happened yesterday:

These well-loved relatives of mine are otherwise mustachian dudes--blue collar, never broke 60K income in their lives. Built their own house THEMSELVES (no mortgage), didn't have cable until all the kids moved out, never had AC in the house, rolled change and turned it in at the bank, etc.

Seriously good money practices except for the FREAKING CARS. THE CARS. THE CARS. THE CARS. (I'm still steamed)

In their most recent two-year-carousel of car-shenanigans, these relatives have:

1) Traded in a just-paid-off vehicle with under 75000 miles AND sold inheritance stock to buy a (yay used!) fully loaded SUV (It's just the two of them). Paid an ADDITIONAL premium above the shafting on the trade-in to find the ultra-rare-according-to-the-dealer light blue color.  Justified the purchase because:
 
   A) <dead relative> would have wanted me to enjoy this specifically-colored dream car of mine
        -Keep in mind that this person has been financing vehicles for years and has had genuinely nice vehicles for the last 15 years.

   B) I've prayed about it and I have a lot of peace with the decision. God wants me to have this vehicle.
        -No kidding? You have peace about buying what you want? Who knew world peace was so easy--just make sure everyone can buy whatever they want! And this incredulity is coming from me, a person who believes in God.

   C) I NEED all-wheel-drive. The winters here just aren't safe to drive with <perfectly reasonable sedan>.
        -Keep in mind that this person drove this other vehicle for about 3 years and got stuck in the "unsafe winters" exactly ZERO TIMES.

2) Traded in a paid-off, still perfectly working truck for a BRAND NEW truck that they then financed. Which fine, whatever, it's stupid but THEN THIS RELATIVE REFUSED TO DRIVE IT BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO PUT MILES ON THE TRUCK. He instead drove around the old THIRD TRUCK that he had kept for farm use.

So all that for context. Because the real reason I am posting this is because I called the relative yesterday to see how he was doing while recovering from a minor medical procedure. He proudly (and somewhat cryptically) mentioned that he had to go pick up his truck from <dealer and repair shop>.

I, with my mustachian blinders, walked right into the bait:

Me: Oh, repairs on the truck, huh? Bummer.
Him: No.
Me: Did you have it detailed or something?
Him: No.
Me: So...what's the deal?
Him: Well, I was having some trouble with it. You see, I had to open two doors (the front truck door and the extended cab door) to get my equipment bag out of the back seat when I was on the job. (I guess he did drive it occasionally)
Me: ...
Him: So I traded it in for a brand new truck where I can open the back door separately. But I got a great deal since I put so few miles on it in 7 months. I basically only paid $300/mo to rent the truck I just traded in. I did have to finance an additional amount, though, since it didn't quite cover it all.
Me: <dies inside> So, that's....cool.
Him: <continues on>

Mother.
Of.
Mercy.

It kills me to think of how much further they could be ahead (or how he literally could have retired 10 years ago at 50) if they'd just invested instead of upgrading their cars.

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1638 on: July 29, 2016, 08:29:36 AM »
   B) I've prayed about it and I have a lot of peace with the decision. God wants me to have this vehicle.

Your relative is the John Kasich of cars!

Tjat

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1639 on: July 29, 2016, 10:30:42 AM »
Him: Well, I was having some trouble with it. You see, I had to open two doors (the front truck door and the extended cab door) to get my equipment bag out of the back seat when I was on the job. (I guess he did drive it occasionally)

The HORROR! I'm sure with his new truck he'll put that series of extra milliseconds to good use


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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1640 on: July 29, 2016, 11:20:51 AM »
Him: Well, I was having some trouble with it. You see, I had to open two doors (the front truck door and the extended cab door) to get my equipment bag out of the back seat when I was on the job. (I guess he did drive it occasionally)

The HORROR! I'm sure with his new truck he'll put that series of extra milliseconds to good use

Working extra overtime to make the payments?
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mtn

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1641 on: July 29, 2016, 11:29:03 AM »
Him: Well, I was having some trouble with it. You see, I had to open two doors (the front truck door and the extended cab door) to get my equipment bag out of the back seat when I was on the job. (I guess he did drive it occasionally)

The HORROR! I'm sure with his new truck he'll put that series of extra milliseconds to good use

While I can't agree with the purchase, I can agree with the reason. It is just annoying having to open 2 doors to open 1.

IndyPendent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1642 on: July 29, 2016, 12:47:55 PM »
While I can't agree with the purchase, I can agree with the reason. It is just annoying having to open 2 doors to open 1.

Sure is, and it's also annoying to have to walk all the way to the bathroom just to relieve myself. Better get a bedpan and catheter, just to be safe.

Or, you know, he could just put his work bag in the front seat next to him. :)

crispy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1643 on: July 29, 2016, 12:55:34 PM »
While I can't agree with the purchase, I can agree with the reason. It is just annoying having to open 2 doors to open 1.

Sure is, and it's also annoying to have to walk all the way to the bathroom just to relieve myself. Better get a bedpan and catheter, just to be safe.

Or, you know, he could just put his work bag in the front seat next to him. :)

Adult diapers all the way...so much easier than having to clean a bedpan.

jinga nation

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1644 on: July 29, 2016, 01:51:45 PM »
Him: Well, I was having some trouble with it. You see, I had to open two doors (the front truck door and the extended cab door) to get my equipment bag out of the back seat when I was on the job. (I guess he did drive it occasionally)

The HORROR! I'm sure with his new truck he'll put that series of extra milliseconds to good use

Working extra overtime to make the payments?
Over 50 hours?
One place I worked, overtime was hours 40.01 to 50.00, and extra overtime was 50.01-60.00. Yes, those decimal places are real, and you needed manager approval for overtime, but not extra overtime... so guess what, everyone worked 60 hours.
Lots of shiny trucks in the parking lot, lots of boat owners.
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Metric Mouse

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1645 on: July 30, 2016, 04:53:52 AM »
Over 50 hours?
One place I worked, overtime was hours 40.01 to 50.00, and extra overtime was 50.01-60.00. Yes, those decimal places are real, and you needed manager approval for overtime, but not extra overtime... so guess what, everyone worked 60 hours.
Lots of shiny trucks in the parking lot, lots of boat owners.

This is sad. There are plenty of jobs that need more than 40 hours in a week to get done, but working an extra 50% just to have more stuff to pay for seems depressing.
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IndyPendent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1646 on: July 30, 2016, 06:21:18 AM »
Over 50 hours?

Yep, 10-12 hour days, 6 days a week, for decades.


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kayvent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1647 on: July 30, 2016, 06:42:04 AM »

...

never broke 60K income in their lives.

....

Paid an ADDITIONAL premium .... light blue color. 

.....

Him: Well, I was having some trouble with it. You see, I had to open two doors (the front truck door and the extended cab door) to get my equipment bag out of the back seat when I was on the job.

....

Him: ....only paid $300/mo to rent the truck I just traded in. I did have to finance an additional amount, though, since it didn't quite cover it all.

I fantasize about such a life where I could simply spend tens of thousands of dollars for mundane things. Not that I'd do it or want to, but just to be in a position where I could would be nice.Then, then you tell me that a couple making less than me already lives that life.... :( It reminds me how ludicrously rich us in North America are when even an average income is able to spend so lavishly. How fortunate and blessed many of us are for now.
« Last Edit: July 30, 2016, 12:54:32 PM by kayvent »

IndyPendent

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1648 on: July 30, 2016, 07:05:06 AM »

[...]Are fortunate and blessed many of us are for now.
Great perspective!


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K-ice

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #1649 on: August 08, 2016, 03:34:57 AM »
Family reunion # 1 ... its that time of year.

So 2 families with very parallel lives. Both 2 kids, very similar ages, both divorced @ same time ish, both with other parent issues, both middle class but each have been on the verge of Bankrupsy in the past 5years.

But in the one the 2 children are doing very well. Oldest with 2 Part time jobs, first year of college done, great marks, first MMM approved car bought & the younger one is doing well too.

Family 2. The eldest hasn't finished the basic high school diploma & just quit a min wage job. No driver's license & no motivation. The younger one is all sassy & starts confrontations with adults using rude comments. Sassy is cute at 5 not 14.

They are family & I'm sorry the one set is so lost. I just can't believe it is night & day with these two families.

I think Family 1 had such a shock that the one parent really had to pull it together. While the other seperated family was still plodding along with a spendypants life & spoiling the kids for affection.

I have spent 1/2 a dozen Christmases with these kids growing up. I wish there was something I could do to help but I feel really hopeless at this point.