Something's wrong with the math. Seems closer to 415 than 5000 calories per day.
Hum. 380 * 800 is 304000, half is 152000, divided by 30 is 5000 or so. Backwards, 5k times 30 is 150k, double is 300k, divided by 800 is 375. Works out, I think, but then I've forgotten how to add, can only do complex analysis, so maybe not.
I didn't invent the term hamplanets, unfortunately. Fortunately, it gets way funnier.
> be me
> be sitting in mcfuck's
> feel earth shake
> food slides to the right
> galaxy walks in
> followed by jupiter and saturn
> food has entered their gravitational pull
Also funny terms: mini-moon (as in, jupiter followed by its moons), deathfat (no explanation needed), "small fat" (from people saying things like "It was a disaster; I couldn't fit through the door to get to the kitchen! I'm a small fat at 5'0" 250 lb, so clearly the doorway was poorly constructed."), wailord (whale from pokemon I think), orca (a small whale), ...