Author Topic: Overheard on Facebook  (Read 1893479 times)

fartface

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #650 on: August 08, 2014, 06:40:41 AM »
Today's spendthrift-and-in-debt-with-no-retirement-savings post (and picture) of the day!

    "Soooo excited to see Katy Perry with my Girls!"

Now, a little background: underwater on her condo, wants desperately to buy a home with a yard for her small child (has no down payment so they can't) and last month a small group of us are sitting around a table talking about retirement. A second friend mentions she withholds 20% into her 401k. She shrieks, "20%? How the HELL can anyone save 20%!" I kept my 50% mouth shut.

She shops CONSTANTLY...I mean we're talking addiction. I finally asked her, after watching her blow hundreds at store after store, "How often do you GO shopping?" She replied, "Not often, I buy most things online these days.."

Face Palm.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2014, 06:48:55 AM by fartface »

CommonCents

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #651 on: August 08, 2014, 08:34:22 AM »
Quote
Please help send my daughter (she's maybe 15) to Haiti so she can do missionary work for a week...any donation will help.

I'm all for helping people in need, but you want me to donate money so your daughter can go to Haiti?  Wouldn't my money be better spent donating it directly to an established charity that is already there???

I also hate non-perishable drives, "we are collecting <toothpaste, cans of blah> for <the troops, haiti, blah blah, the poor>.  No, I'm not going to buy 5 tubes of toothpaste from the supermarket, pay taxes on it, and have profits go to P&G".  If I was going to donate, I'd rather give a check, get the tax deduction, and let the organization buy 1 million tubes at closer to cost.

I'm also not going to donate to specific causes like that, and well, I also ignore any and all requests for donations.  I pick 2 or 3 charities a year, and donate to them (my company does a donation match dollar for dollar).  I've found that most charities have no interest in the long game, when they solicit I'll tell them I only give donations once a year, but if they point me to a website I'll do some research on their cause.  Oh boy do I get a workaround on trying to make the donation now.

I agree that it is preferable to have people get the tax deduction for donations of money, which then the nonprofit organization would also not spend tax when buying the items.

However, there have been multiple scandals where money donated to an organization has been improperly used. Most recent example: Facebook donation to NJ school. But there are many other organizations that have received money and were paying their people tons of money. Idk about you, but I feel like the salary of a nonprofit worker shouldn't be an insane amount.

I used to donate a lot of toiletries that I got for free or nearly so (25 cents for toothpaste or deodorant) through couponing.  These drives are great, because P&G paid, not me.  That's when it makes sense to me to donate to them.  (I no longer coupon like this.  Less time and harder to get coupons cheaply.)

dycker1978

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #652 on: August 08, 2014, 11:27:37 AM »
Well I got a sad one today... I am not sure how many of you follow facebook, but right now there is a lot of list the three things you are greatfull for lasting seven days.  Well I was on there today, and my cousin posting her day one comments(most peoples are their wife kids and health on day one)

She posts:
1. Visa - you buy me nice stuff
2. Mastercard - you buy my groceries
3. Amex - my FUN card

OMG  I am not even sure what to say about this... i hope she is doing this for the points, but i suspect not, as they just took out a mortgage on a $400000 house with 5%down and drive a h2 and a convertable mustang...

Sometimes I wish I could just help people understand what they are doing...

odput

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #653 on: August 08, 2014, 12:25:19 PM »
Well I got a sad one today... I am not sure how many of you follow facebook, but right now there is a lot of list the three things you are greatfull for lasting seven days.  Well I was on there today, and my cousin posting her day one comments(most peoples are their wife kids and health on day one)

She posts:
1. Visa - you buy me nice stuff
2. Mastercard - you buy my groceries
3. Amex - my FUN card

OMG  I am not even sure what to say about this... i hope she is doing this for the points, but i suspect not, as they just took out a mortgage on a $400000 house with 5%down and drive a h2 and a convertable mustang...

Sometimes I wish I could just help people understand what they are doing...

wow

I sat here for awhile trying to think of something clever to write here and got nothing.

Just fucking wow

Jack

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #654 on: August 08, 2014, 03:10:31 PM »
last month a small group of us are sitting around a table talking about retirement. A second friend mentions she withholds 20% into her 401k. She shrieks, "20%? How the HELL can anyone save 20%!" I kept my 50% mouth shut.

That's too bad; you missed a perfect opportunity to blow her mind so thoroughly she might reexamine her life (or at least, twist the knife for your own amusement!).

greenmimama

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #655 on: August 08, 2014, 05:57:35 PM »
My friend is a blacksmith, a very talented one and he makes his wife metal flowers for valentines day, they are really beautiful, he has to make vases too though, because they are so heavy they would break most vases or at least never stand up in them :)

My Dh has sent me flowers for special occasions, not when he has been annoying, only for good things.
Does he or she have a website?

I don't think he keeps it updated because he isn't coin git anymore for his job, I tried messaging his wife but haven't heard back.

greenmimama

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #656 on: August 08, 2014, 06:27:02 PM »
My friend is a blacksmith, a very talented one and he makes his wife metal flowers for valentines day, they are really beautiful, he has to make vases too though, because they are so heavy they would break most vases or at least never stand up in them :)

My Dh has sent me flowers for special occasions, not when he has been annoying, only for good things.
Does he or she have a website?

A Facebook page, here https://www.facebook.com/pages/Barzillai-Forge/207284169295242?ref=ts&fref=ts

Primm

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #657 on: August 09, 2014, 12:21:01 AM »
My friend is a blacksmith, a very talented one and he makes his wife metal flowers for valentines day, they are really beautiful, he has to make vases too though, because they are so heavy they would break most vases or at least never stand up in them :)

My Dh has sent me flowers for special occasions, not when he has been annoying, only for good things.
Does he or she have a website?

A Facebook page, here https://www.facebook.com/pages/Barzillai-Forge/207284169295242?ref=ts&fref=ts

Those are absolutely stunning!

Albert

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #658 on: August 09, 2014, 01:52:01 AM »
Anyway, I get a comment from someone I went to college with, asking "How the hell can you afford two vacations in such a short amount of time?!?!?!" I respond that vacation one was a weekend trip to a friend's lakehouse, and vacation two is a drive up to Niagara Falls for a long weekend. His response? "Oh haahahaha, I thought you meant you were taking a REAL vacation." Meaning like the elaborate cruse he just took, or a trip to Disney, etc. Is a long weekend away not considered a vacation?

Probably not. When I say "vacation" it means at least a week. Doesn't have to be expensive of course.

greenmimama

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #659 on: August 09, 2014, 08:33:38 AM »
My friend is a blacksmith, a very talented one and he makes his wife metal flowers for valentines day, they are really beautiful, he has to make vases too though, because they are so heavy they would break most vases or at least never stand up in them :)

My Dh has sent me flowers for special occasions, not when he has been annoying, only for good things.
Does he or she have a website?
yeah, I think so too, he does incredible work!
A Facebook page, here https://www.facebook.com/pages/Barzillai-Forge/207284169295242?ref=ts&fref=ts

Those are absolutely stunning!

BlueHouse

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #660 on: August 09, 2014, 08:48:56 AM »

Anyway, I get a comment from someone I went to college with, asking "How the hell can you afford two vacations in such a short amount of time?!?!?!" I respond that vacation one was a weekend trip to a friend's lakehouse, and vacation two is a drive up to Niagara Falls for a long weekend. His response? "Oh haahahaha, I thought you meant you were taking a REAL vacation." Meaning like the elaborate cruse he just took, or a trip to Disney, etc. Is a long weekend away not considered a vacation?
Your Facebook "friend" is in competition mode. When he thought you were winning he had to boost himself up by putting you down.

Question:  Is Facebook anything other than a way to brag?  I don't use it, but it seems as if conspicuous consumption is the order of the day and everything becomes very competitive on Facebook. 
Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand

Albert

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #661 on: August 09, 2014, 09:27:56 AM »
Question:  Is Facebook anything other than a way to brag?  I don't use it, but it seems as if conspicuous consumption is the order of the day and everything becomes very competitive on Facebook.

It's only a platform, how you use it depends on you. I use it to keep contacts with friends and relatives who live widely across the globe.

Zikoris

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #662 on: August 09, 2014, 10:55:57 AM »
Personally, I wouldn't consider a weekend trip a vacation - I'd consider it a weekend getaway. Nothing wrong with that of course, I do them once or twice a year myself.
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geekette

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #663 on: August 09, 2014, 05:50:07 PM »
Question:  Is Facebook anything other than a way to brag?  I don't use it, but it seems as if conspicuous consumption is the order of the day and everything becomes very competitive on Facebook.

It's only a platform, how you use it depends on you. I use it to keep contacts with friends and relatives who live widely across the globe.

No bragging on my wall, unless you count people posting pretty garden produce pics!  My friends use it to share news and funny things, so I enjoy it quite a bit.

Zikoris

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #664 on: August 09, 2014, 07:30:10 PM »
Quote
Question:  Is Facebook anything other than a way to brag?  I don't use it, but it seems as if conspicuous consumption is the order of the day and everything becomes very competitive on Facebook. 

I use it as a convenient way to organize my photos, since we travel a lot and have a ton. I guess that would sort of be bragging though in a sense. It gives me an easy way to look up specific photos quickly, and people tell me they really enjoy them - I post photos every day or two as insurance against losing/wrecking my camera, and they tell me it feels like they're on the trip with me. I have a few friends who travel, and we all like looking at each other's latest photos.

I think "checking in" at restaurants and other places is a little ridiculous, but I couldn't do that anyway since I don't have a smartphone!
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Bobberth

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #665 on: August 13, 2014, 08:46:11 AM »
High school classmate: "Freaking luck is just shitty..power was shut off today cause I was one day late paying it. Now I need to find $300 so they will turn it back on.. Don't get paid til Friday but can't go without that long..anybody wanna help out. Will get paid back Friday!!!!!!"

His brother: "Sorry bro. You know I can't help but would if I could"

Friend I don't know: "We don't have any $$, but we have hot food and water. We'll feed ya, and you can shower at our house. (Potato soup for dinner tonight)"

$300 seems like such a tiny amount of money to have on standby, either in cash or checking account if not in actual savings. 

dandarc

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #666 on: August 13, 2014, 08:53:12 AM »
High school classmate: "Freaking luck is just shitty..power was shut off today cause I was one day late paying it. Now I need to find $300 so they will turn it back on.. Don't get paid til Friday but can't go without that long..anybody wanna help out. Will get paid back Friday!!!!!!"

His brother: "Sorry bro. You know I can't help but would if I could"

Friend I don't know: "We don't have any $$, but we have hot food and water. We'll feed ya, and you can shower at our house. (Potato soup for dinner tonight)"

$300 seems like such a tiny amount of money to have on standby, either in cash or checking account if not in actual savings.

A lot of people live that close to the edge - many more by choice (whether they realize it or not) than by necessity. 

Thought I was going to have to make deposits on my utility account when we moved to a new house - turns out since I have perfect credit with them for ~5 years, they wave that.  Apparently so many people do not have perfect credit on the utilities that they don't even mention on the website or any published materials that I've found that they will wave deposits in certain circumstances until you talk to them.  Pleasant surprise for me, but eye-opening as well.
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dandarc

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #667 on: August 13, 2014, 09:04:14 AM »
Wait, utilities in some places require deposits?

They do here - granted this is a college town, but when I first moved here I was pretty surprised too.
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Tempe

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #668 on: August 13, 2014, 09:34:03 AM »
Wait, utilities in some places require deposits?

They do here - granted this is a college town, but when I first moved here I was pretty surprised too.
My bf had to pay deposits on utilities, they may or may not have had me do it since my credit is decent, but his was low. It was one of those expenses in moving we didn't anticipate. (I guess we were lucky moving into an apartment with a deal of no deposit on it)

Zikoris

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #669 on: August 13, 2014, 10:29:06 AM »
High school classmate: "Freaking luck is just shitty..power was shut off today cause I was one day late paying it. Now I need to find $300 so they will turn it back on.. Don't get paid til Friday but can't go without that long..anybody wanna help out. Will get paid back Friday!!!!!!"

His brother: "Sorry bro. You know I can't help but would if I could"

Friend I don't know: "We don't have any $$, but we have hot food and water. We'll feed ya, and you can shower at our house. (Potato soup for dinner tonight)"

$300 seems like such a tiny amount of money to have on standby, either in cash or checking account if not in actual savings.

I think there's more to the story than he's letting on - there aren't very many utility companies that go around shutting people off for being one day late. Heck, I imagine it takes a couple of days just to put in the order - and I've heard you can generally miss a few payments before they actually move from threatening letters and phone calls to cutting you off.

More likely he was already super behind on his bill, about to get cut off, promised to make a payment to delay them, then backed out.
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Maigahane

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #670 on: August 13, 2014, 10:58:41 AM »
Ongoing drama of a couple we're friends with, mostly kept off facebook but told to me...since I'm an accountant I guess *shrugs*

On the outside they seem to spend reasonably. They rent a reasonable house, own late 90's to early 2000's vehicles, their house is not opulently furnished and they don't wear a bunch of name brand expensive clothes.
But they say they can't keep up with bills and don't know why. After expenses they should have $600 left over each month from his first job, not to mention his second job and her new part time job
Soon after she starts her job she posts on FB that she deserves a trip to Vegas (has not actually happened though)
Also posts that she needs a bigger "mommymobile"... because apparently a minivan isn't big enough for 2 toddlers
While out to lunch with him one day he tells me that they finally decided to file bankruptcy because he got served by a sheriff that morning
Says they couldn't follow Dave Ramsey's plan because they couldn't even keep up with minimum payments
Continue to go out to eat somewhat regularly (not like every day, but every week or two to semi-nice places)
A couple of months later he quits his second job
Now about a month later they have bought a 2011 suv...with a $500/month payment for SIX years...not to mention the jump in insurance. Was told that the bank wanted them to get the 36 month warranty so they got it

These are great people that we enjoy hanging around with but it just makes me so frustrated when money is brought up around them.
Part two:
About a month ago they bought another "new" car, a 2009. Last weekend the guy mentioned refinancing their cars twice; first time to say that instead of refinancing his next year they'll probably just trade it in because they didn't end up liking it much, second to mention refinancing her SUV so they're not paying 18% interest.
Granted it sounds like they may have had to replace both of their old cars by now anyway, the van isn't running and his car was on it's last legs but still...

dandarc

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #671 on: August 13, 2014, 11:10:53 AM »
High school classmate: "Freaking luck is just shitty..power was shut off today cause I was one day late paying it. Now I need to find $300 so they will turn it back on.. Don't get paid til Friday but can't go without that long..anybody wanna help out. Will get paid back Friday!!!!!!"

His brother: "Sorry bro. You know I can't help but would if I could"

Friend I don't know: "We don't have any $$, but we have hot food and water. We'll feed ya, and you can shower at our house. (Potato soup for dinner tonight)"

$300 seems like such a tiny amount of money to have on standby, either in cash or checking account if not in actual savings.

I think there's more to the story than he's letting on - there aren't very many utility companies that go around shutting people off for being one day late. Heck, I imagine it takes a couple of days just to put in the order - and I've heard you can generally miss a few payments before they actually move from threatening letters and phone calls to cutting you off.

More likely he was already super behind on his bill, about to get cut off, promised to make a payment to delay them, then backed out.
This - I bet the guy needed $300 just to get back to 3 months behind or whatever.  Utility companies are usually reasonably compassionate when it comes to collections - they are providing heat and water and such after all.
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dandarc

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #672 on: August 13, 2014, 11:14:54 AM »
Ongoing drama of a couple we're friends with, mostly kept off facebook but told to me...since I'm an accountant I guess *shrugs*

On the outside they seem to spend reasonably. They rent a reasonable house, own late 90's to early 2000's vehicles, their house is not opulently furnished and they don't wear a bunch of name brand expensive clothes.
But they say they can't keep up with bills and don't know why. After expenses they should have $600 left over each month from his first job, not to mention his second job and her new part time job
Soon after she starts her job she posts on FB that she deserves a trip to Vegas (has not actually happened though)
Also posts that she needs a bigger "mommymobile"... because apparently a minivan isn't big enough for 2 toddlers
While out to lunch with him one day he tells me that they finally decided to file bankruptcy because he got served by a sheriff that morning
Says they couldn't follow Dave Ramsey's plan because they couldn't even keep up with minimum payments
Continue to go out to eat somewhat regularly (not like every day, but every week or two to semi-nice places)
A couple of months later he quits his second job
Now about a month later they have bought a 2011 suv...with a $500/month payment for SIX years...not to mention the jump in insurance. Was told that the bank wanted them to get the 36 month warranty so they got it

These are great people that we enjoy hanging around with but it just makes me so frustrated when money is brought up around them.
Part two:
About a month ago they bought another "new" car, a 2009. Last weekend the guy mentioned refinancing their cars twice; first time to say that instead of refinancing his next year they'll probably just trade it in because they didn't end up liking it much, second to mention refinancing her SUV so they're not paying 18% interest.
Granted it sounds like they may have had to replace both of their old cars by now anyway, the van isn't running and his car was on it's last legs but still...
So we've found the problem - while the math should work where they have some surplus (at least before the job quitting and such), it doesn't because they are not actually doing it.
Link to my journal, so I can find it quickly - http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/dandarc's-journal/

Maigahane

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #673 on: August 13, 2014, 11:27:07 AM »
me bitching about friends acting like normal Americans
Part two:
About a month ago they bought another "new" car, a 2009. Last weekend the guy mentioned refinancing their cars twice; first time to say that instead of refinancing his next year they'll probably just trade it in because they didn't end up liking it much, second to mention refinancing her SUV so they're not paying 18% interest.
Granted it sounds like they may have had to replace both of their old cars by now anyway, the van isn't running and his car was on it's last legs but still...
So we've found the problem - while the math should work where they have some surplus (at least before the job quitting and such), it doesn't because they are not actually doing it.
In reality quitting the second job probably didn't cost them much if any, it was every other weekend at a hardware store. It sounds like the wife is making decent money with her job plus bringing in extra with babysitting. So while they're still not getting ahead I don't think their theoretical surplus really changed much

madgeylou

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #674 on: August 13, 2014, 11:38:18 AM »
One of my FB friends is upset that the water company turns off your water based on how long you've owed them rather than how much. so she only owed $50 but she owed it for a few months.

Fingers were tempted to type "if it's only $50 then why did it take you months to pay them?" but brain declined the drama.
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Travis

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #675 on: August 13, 2014, 12:15:25 PM »
Quote
but brain declined the drama.

Which keeps me from saying half the things that come to mind when reading Facebook posts.

boyerbt

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #676 on: August 13, 2014, 12:31:30 PM »
So I have read a lot of different posts on this thread and finally have one. I have heard of people purchasing events or activities while the new couple is on their honeymoon in lue of giving a wedding gift but I feel like this is too much. The items on their list are $50 increments to pay for their flights, dinners, and they even have a section for alcohol. Seriously?


"So we finally booked our honeymoon! Can't wait to explore what Europe has to offer with my amazing soon to be wife. If any of you are as excited as I am and would like to live vicariously through us, check out this link. But seriously, we appreciate anything to help make this trip as wonderful and adventurous as we hope it to be. ~ Dick and Jane

Jane & Dick's Honeymoon Registry
--
So far, the plan for this trip is to explore a little piece of what Europe has to offer. We'll be staying in Paris, Rome, and a 3rd TBD city. We want to be able to make the most out of our first week as husband and wife. Jeremy and I are so excited to be able to have this opportunity to do something we have really come to enjoy - exploring new cities. We're hoping to really take in all of the sights in the short time we're there. A trip to the Eiffel Tower. Espresso in a small cafe. Wine in Italy. Exploring the history, architecture, and beauty. But most importantly, we'll be enjoying the time with each other. "
« Last Edit: August 13, 2014, 12:36:39 PM by boyerbt »
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odput

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #677 on: August 13, 2014, 12:32:49 PM »
Quote
but brain declined the drama.

Which keeps me from saying half the things that come to mind when reading Facebook posts.

Only half?

Mine is more like 99%

Travis

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #678 on: August 13, 2014, 12:58:31 PM »
Quote
but brain declined the drama.

Which keeps me from saying half the things that come to mind when reading Facebook posts.

Only half?

Mine is more like 99%

I'm picky about who I keep as a Facebook friend. Most of my forehead smacking is from "friend of friends."

dandarc

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #679 on: August 13, 2014, 01:18:27 PM »
So I have read a lot of different posts on this thread and finally have one. I have heard of people purchasing events or activities while the new couple is on their honeymoon in lue of giving a wedding gift but I feel like this is too much. The items on their list are $50 increments to pay for their flights, dinners, and they even have a section for alcohol. Seriously?


"So we finally booked our honeymoon! Can't wait to explore what Europe has to offer with my amazing soon to be wife. If any of you are as excited as I am and would like to live vicariously through us, check out this link. But seriously, we appreciate anything to help make this trip as wonderful and adventurous as we hope it to be. ~ Dick and Jane

Jane & Dick's Honeymoon Registry
--
So far, the plan for this trip is to explore a little piece of what Europe has to offer. We'll be staying in Paris, Rome, and a 3rd TBD city. We want to be able to make the most out of our first week as husband and wife. Jeremy and I are so excited to be able to have this opportunity to do something we have really come to enjoy - exploring new cities. We're hoping to really take in all of the sights in the short time we're there. A trip to the Eiffel Tower. Espresso in a small cafe. Wine in Italy. Exploring the history, architecture, and beauty. But most importantly, we'll be enjoying the time with each other. "
I think a lot of people think this is a little less uncouth than straight up asking for money where the 'gift registry' should be.  I know my wife's mom would've flipped out if we had done anything remotely like asking for money . . . but of course expensive plates from the overpriced 'gift shop' in town are perfectly fine.

We went to a wedding in Atlanta where the couple were a slightly younger version of us - they had the temerity to straight up ask for cash by explaining "we already have everything we need because we're, you know, adults, but if you want to give us something money is always appreciated and will be put to good use."  Respected them more for being honest.  I usually give cash to the bride and groom any way - it is a lot easier and always appreciated.
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boyerbt

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #680 on: August 13, 2014, 01:51:29 PM »
I think a lot of people think this is a little less uncouth than straight up asking for money where the 'gift registry' should be.  I know my wife's mom would've flipped out if we had done anything remotely like asking for money . . . but of course expensive plates from the overpriced 'gift shop' in town are perfectly fine.

We went to a wedding in Atlanta where the couple were a slightly younger version of us - they had the temerity to straight up ask for cash by explaining "we already have everything we need because we're, you know, adults, but if you want to give us something money is always appreciated and will be put to good use."  Respected them more for being honest.  I usually give cash to the bride and groom any way - it is a lot easier and always appreciated.

I would feel more comfortable if they had been upfront and requested cash as I know that they do not need the items that are listed on their normal registry (yes they have a normal registry along with this honeymoon wishlist) and they will definitely not use them. The part that irks me is that a honeymoon is not a mandatory event for a wedding yet they are asking for everyone to pitch in and make it even better because they don't have to pay for it. This may become more of the standard as I think people my age and younger have lost the sense of public vs private and what should be openly talked about and not. Twenty years ago you wouldn't have heard of people asking their friends and family to help pitch in for their elaborate honeymoon but now with Facebook, GoFundMe, etc it is almost normal.
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dragoncar

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #681 on: August 13, 2014, 02:14:47 PM »
Quote
but brain declined the drama.

Which keeps me from saying half the things that come to mind when reading Facebook posts.

Only half?

Mine is more like 99%

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dandarc

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #682 on: August 13, 2014, 02:43:11 PM »
I think a lot of people think this is a little less uncouth than straight up asking for money where the 'gift registry' should be.  I know my wife's mom would've flipped out if we had done anything remotely like asking for money . . . but of course expensive plates from the overpriced 'gift shop' in town are perfectly fine.

We went to a wedding in Atlanta where the couple were a slightly younger version of us - they had the temerity to straight up ask for cash by explaining "we already have everything we need because we're, you know, adults, but if you want to give us something money is always appreciated and will be put to good use."  Respected them more for being honest.  I usually give cash to the bride and groom any way - it is a lot easier and always appreciated.

I would feel more comfortable if they had been upfront and requested cash as I know that they do not need the items that are listed on their normal registry (yes they have a normal registry along with this honeymoon wishlist) and they will definitely not use them. The part that irks me is that a honeymoon is not a mandatory event for a wedding yet they are asking for everyone to pitch in and make it even better because they don't have to pay for it. This may become more of the standard as I think people my age and younger have lost the sense of public vs private and what should be openly talked about and not. Twenty years ago you wouldn't have heard of people asking their friends and family to help pitch in for their elaborate honeymoon but now with Facebook, GoFundMe, etc it is almost normal.
Yeah the whole wedding registry thing is pretty silly - even more so to put a veneer over it when you're pretty transparently asking for money.  I'd just assume the normal registry and the facade of paying for the components of the honeymoon are pressure from different factions ("You can't just ask for money!" "You have to register at Store A, because Aunt X and Friend Y only shop at Store A" - MIL actually said this one to us).  Now if they do one of these things completely out of the blue ("help us buy a new fridge!"), that would start impacting my opinion of them.
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dandarc

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #683 on: August 13, 2014, 02:48:12 PM »
Of course plastering it on Facebook for everyone to see is bit uncouth - I'd think you'd want to limit this to only people who were at least invited to the wedding.
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MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #684 on: August 13, 2014, 02:57:54 PM »
I think a lot of people think this is a little less uncouth than straight up asking for money where the 'gift registry' should be.  I know my wife's mom would've flipped out if we had done anything remotely like asking for money . . . but of course expensive plates from the overpriced 'gift shop' in town are perfectly fine.

We went to a wedding in Atlanta where the couple were a slightly younger version of us - they had the temerity to straight up ask for cash by explaining "we already have everything we need because we're, you know, adults, but if you want to give us something money is always appreciated and will be put to good use."  Respected them more for being honest.  I usually give cash to the bride and groom any way - it is a lot easier and always appreciated.

I would feel more comfortable if they had been upfront and requested cash as I know that they do not need the items that are listed on their normal registry (yes they have a normal registry along with this honeymoon wishlist) and they will definitely not use them. The part that irks me is that a honeymoon is not a mandatory event for a wedding yet they are asking for everyone to pitch in and make it even better because they don't have to pay for it. This may become more of the standard as I think people my age and younger have lost the sense of public vs private and what should be openly talked about and not. Twenty years ago you wouldn't have heard of people asking their friends and family to help pitch in for their elaborate honeymoon but now with Facebook, GoFundMe, etc it is almost normal.
Yeah the whole wedding registry thing is pretty silly - even more so to put a veneer over it when you're pretty transparently asking for money.  I'd just assume the normal registry and the facade of paying for the components of the honeymoon are pressure from different factions ("You can't just ask for money!" "You have to register at Store A, because Aunt X and Friend Y only shop at Store A" - MIL actually said this one to us).  Now if they do one of these things completely out of the blue ("help us buy a new fridge!"), that would start impacting my opinion of them.

I don't know, I prefer giving cash or cash equivalents for weddings (ie, gift cards), but since it is not considered appropriate to do so, wedding registries can be a way of giving something equivalent. That said, I have yet to have a check not cashed, so I might continue to just give a card and a check.

PilotsWife

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #685 on: August 13, 2014, 03:46:00 PM »
I think a lot of people think this is a little less uncouth than straight up asking for money where the 'gift registry' should be.  I know my wife's mom would've flipped out if we had done anything remotely like asking for money . . . but of course expensive plates from the overpriced 'gift shop' in town are perfectly fine.

We went to a wedding in Atlanta where the couple were a slightly younger version of us - they had the temerity to straight up ask for cash by explaining "we already have everything we need because we're, you know, adults, but if you want to give us something money is always appreciated and will be put to good use."  Respected them more for being honest.  I usually give cash to the bride and groom any way - it is a lot easier and always appreciated.

I would feel more comfortable if they had been upfront and requested cash as I know that they do not need the items that are listed on their normal registry (yes they have a normal registry along with this honeymoon wishlist) and they will definitely not use them. The part that irks me is that a honeymoon is not a mandatory event for a wedding yet they are asking for everyone to pitch in and make it even better because they don't have to pay for it. This may become more of the standard as I think people my age and younger have lost the sense of public vs private and what should be openly talked about and not. Twenty years ago you wouldn't have heard of people asking their friends and family to help pitch in for their elaborate honeymoon but now with Facebook, GoFundMe, etc it is almost normal.
Yeah the whole wedding registry thing is pretty silly - even more so to put a veneer over it when you're pretty transparently asking for money.  I'd just assume the normal registry and the facade of paying for the components of the honeymoon are pressure from different factions ("You can't just ask for money!" "You have to register at Store A, because Aunt X and Friend Y only shop at Store A" - MIL actually said this one to us).  Now if they do one of these things completely out of the blue ("help us buy a new fridge!"), that would start impacting my opinion of them.

I don't know, I prefer giving cash or cash equivalents for weddings (ie, gift cards), but since it is not considered appropriate to do so, wedding registries can be a way of giving something equivalent. That said, I have yet to have a check not cashed, so I might continue to just give a card and a check.
I absolutely love the "Honeyfund." Only a couple of my friends married young & needed the standard registry items. The rest of us got married/will get married after living together & setting up our households. I'd much rather know that my gift money is going towards a fun experience for them vs replacing the perfectly good Ikea plates they already have. Then again, I value travel a lot in my own life, so that definitely influences my feelings about this subject.

Also, I absolutely hate the stupid, weird, & generally outdated "rules" surrounding weddings & registries. So few people are setting up their first home when they get married that registries are really just a chance to buy nicer stuff or get some big-ticket items the couple wouldn't pay for on their own. But since gifts are still expected at weddings, why not get the couple something they want instead of just playing into the consumer lifestyle? I wish I'd had the guests at my wedding contribute to my honeymoon rather than buying me household goods that I haven't ever used.

Albert

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #686 on: August 13, 2014, 04:01:51 PM »
Can someone explain to me what this "registry" thing is all about? I've never been to American wedding and thus have only a vague understanding of the concept.

mhufft920

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #687 on: August 13, 2014, 04:12:40 PM »
Yes, there are a lot of Gofundme begging fails.  One woman I knew on Facebook who is very wealthy and wanted to hang on to her multi-million dollar home during a nasty divorce started a Gofundme to "save her kids childhood home".  Ummmmm, kids don't really care that much about having a giant house to live in.  Fortunately, she eventually snapped out of it and pulled the ad and apologized. 

I also saw a woman on FB who started a go fund me for her moving costs to Arizona.  She didn't have the $3000 to afford it for herself. 

A woman on a forum I frequent just found out her mortgage has a nearly $4000 deficit that needs to be paid by the end of the month, or else she has to have the amount split and added to her mortgage for a year.  She asked, "Who has $4000 just laying around?" and "I can't afford an extra $350 a month on my mortgage."  I thought of this forum right away. 

I don't ever want to be in the position of a) not knowing that my mortgage was being underpaid and b) not having an emergency fund for unexpected stuff like that.


I saw a GoFundMe for a chick trying to raise money to get out of her DUI charges.  Super classy.

strider3700

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #688 on: August 13, 2014, 04:14:47 PM »
The new couple goes to various locations and picks what they'd like to be given for their wedding gifts that store writes it down and makes the list available to anyone who comes in and wants to know what to get for them.   The people getting married then announce where they have made these registries.

I liked it because I had my own house and my now wife had her own house so the last thing we needed was someone giving us another blender as a wedding gift.   Others pointed out that they had massive weddings and invited everyone in their family including people they hadn't seen in years so it helps let those guests know what you may want.   Guest can always choose to ignore the registry and give whatever they want.   It's considered rude to not bring a gift of some sort to a wedding.

AlanStache

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #689 on: August 13, 2014, 05:37:59 PM »
Registering for travel sounds fine to me, heck could even work out best for all involved if I was able to use miles/reward points.  "Jane & Bob you want to stay in Paris for three nights?  Ok do you mind staying at a Hilton that I can use my points at?"  Yeah a mad respect for just saying you have all the normal stuff and asking for cash if someone needs to give a gift.
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strider3700

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #690 on: August 13, 2014, 06:46:57 PM »
the only thing we didn't have was a BBQ which the entire wedding party got together and got for us.   The rest was all cool personalized things.  books, some wine, way more personal then household appliances or dishes

Travis

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #691 on: August 14, 2014, 12:55:25 AM »
Can someone explain to me what this "registry" thing is all about? I've never been to American wedding and thus have only a vague understanding of the concept.

For a birth or a wedding you can go to a store that specializes in those kinds of things and set up a wish list for your friends and family to see for gift ideas.

Gin1984

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #692 on: August 14, 2014, 10:54:28 AM »
I think a lot of people think this is a little less uncouth than straight up asking for money where the 'gift registry' should be.  I know my wife's mom would've flipped out if we had done anything remotely like asking for money . . . but of course expensive plates from the overpriced 'gift shop' in town are perfectly fine.

We went to a wedding in Atlanta where the couple were a slightly younger version of us - they had the temerity to straight up ask for cash by explaining "we already have everything we need because we're, you know, adults, but if you want to give us something money is always appreciated and will be put to good use."  Respected them more for being honest.  I usually give cash to the bride and groom any way - it is a lot easier and always appreciated.

I would feel more comfortable if they had been upfront and requested cash as I know that they do not need the items that are listed on their normal registry (yes they have a normal registry along with this honeymoon wishlist) and they will definitely not use them. The part that irks me is that a honeymoon is not a mandatory event for a wedding yet they are asking for everyone to pitch in and make it even better because they don't have to pay for it. This may become more of the standard as I think people my age and younger have lost the sense of public vs private and what should be openly talked about and not. Twenty years ago you wouldn't have heard of people asking their friends and family to help pitch in for their elaborate honeymoon but now with Facebook, GoFundMe, etc it is almost normal.
Yeah the whole wedding registry thing is pretty silly - even more so to put a veneer over it when you're pretty transparently asking for money.  I'd just assume the normal registry and the facade of paying for the components of the honeymoon are pressure from different factions ("You can't just ask for money!" "You have to register at Store A, because Aunt X and Friend Y only shop at Store A" - MIL actually said this one to us).  Now if they do one of these things completely out of the blue ("help us buy a new fridge!"), that would start impacting my opinion of them.

I don't know, I prefer giving cash or cash equivalents for weddings (ie, gift cards), but since it is not considered appropriate to do so, wedding registries can be a way of giving something equivalent. That said, I have yet to have a check not cashed, so I might continue to just give a card and a check.
It is standard where I am from to give cash, though my husband's side it is rude.  I believe it depends on the area/culture.

CommonCents

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #693 on: August 14, 2014, 11:57:04 AM »
Registering for travel sounds fine to me, heck could even work out best for all involved if I was able to use miles/reward points.  "Jane & Bob you want to stay in Paris for three nights?  Ok do you mind staying at a Hilton that I can use my points at?"  Yeah a mad respect for just saying you have all the normal stuff and asking for cash if someone needs to give a gift.

You know that if you donate to a Honeyfund they aren't actually getting what you giving them such as two massages, right?  ETA: You can always directly offer points or the like to them, but don't be surprised at a slight "deer in headlights" look if they were really planning to use the money they got for something else.

They instead get a check minus the middleman fee.  A few years ago I looked it up for one friend and it was 7.5%.  A recent friend had it for less (yay competition) at 3.5% I think. 

Which is why I don't like them.  If I'm going to give impersonal cash (I find it awkward to write a check to a friend generally, and also blatantly have out there how much I'm giving), I'll do it w/o the middleman taking the cut.

At the last wedding I (am making) a queen sized quilt for their bed.  At the wedding before that, I did write one of my rare checks but only because they live in Hawaii with the wedding in CA, and I agreed with them that shipping would have been silly.  (I refused the aforementioned honeyfund with things like "tattoo" offered, and wrote the check directly.) 
« Last Edit: August 14, 2014, 12:01:22 PM by CommonCents »

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seanc0x0

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #695 on: August 15, 2014, 09:54:38 AM »

dycker1978

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #696 on: August 15, 2014, 11:10:50 AM »

Jack

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #697 on: August 15, 2014, 12:35:39 PM »
I saw a GoFundMe for a chick trying to raise money to get out of her DUI charges.  Super classy.

There was recently a road-rage-induced hit-and-run against a cyclist here in Atlanta. (Last I heard, the cyclist had emerged from his coma and is now re-learning motor skills.) Once they found the car involved, which was hidden under a tarp in a parking deck, it was determined that it belonged to the girlfriend of the perpetrator. She's been charged with "tampering with evidence" because she helped hide the car.

That asshole had the audacity to try to get her legal expenses crowdfunded!

Quote from: GoFundMe
"As you may or may not know, I've been accused of charges in a high profile case that has sucked up a vast amount of my funds (and my family) for finishing college and personal bills. Because of a crime someone else has done, I may be facing 5 years plus in jail for allegedly "tampering with evidence" With God on my side and a great lawyer, I have to come up with $3,000 after paying a $2,500 bail that I'm still paying on. I'm never the one to put my "business" in the street, but The Bible says, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom (Proverbs 11:2)." With that said, I need help! End of story, no sugar coating to it. I'm humble enough to know that when I need help, I need to ask for it so I just pray that out of the kindness of everyone's heart you can please give whatever you can to help me beat this case and win this victory that I KNOW God has already taken care of!"

(Luckily, once a few people complained, the page got taken down.)

notquitefrugal

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #698 on: August 16, 2014, 10:24:58 PM »
Insofar as wedding registries are concerned, I once received a wedding announcement which contained the words "No gifts, please" at the bottom. On the one hand, it may be a breach of etiquette to presume that someone would be sending a gift; on the other hand, it's classy to not use a wedding as a money/gift grab.

Primm

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #699 on: August 17, 2014, 01:16:20 AM »
Insofar as wedding registries are concerned, I once received a wedding announcement which contained the words "No gifts, please" at the bottom. On the one hand, it may be a breach of etiquette to presume that someone would be sending a gift; on the other hand, it's classy to not use a wedding as a money/gift grab.

We did this. :) We still received some gifts, but they were in the bottle of wine, pot plant type category.

We were in our mid 30s and had everything we needed by the time we got married. We honestly wanted people to come for the celebration and not worry about what to buy us. My family came from 2000km away, so I figured actually getting to the event was enough of a financial impost on them.