Author Topic: Overheard on Facebook  (Read 2485689 times)

Kaydedid

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 211
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5450 on: October 27, 2016, 12:29:55 PM »
Someone actually signed this car loan and now owe over 34k on it.  They've wised up and are trying to get out of it, but market value is only 12k, so they're considering a voluntary repo.
How is it even legal to have the payment amount so low that it doesn't even cover interest? Also, I'm trying to figure out why the financed amount is so much more than the sales price. Were they upside down on a trade-in?
I *think* they missed a bunch of payments, and over time, the interest kept growing.  The loan was taken out several years ago.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


zephyr911

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3634
  • Age: 39
  • Location: Northern Alabama
  • I'm just happy to be here. \m/ ^_^ \m/
    • Pinhook Development LLC
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5451 on: October 27, 2016, 12:34:54 PM »
I *think* they missed a bunch of payments, and over time, the interest kept growing.  The loan was taken out several years ago.
"My advice to [them] is to start drinking heavily."

Or, there's always insurance fraud.
Semi-FIREd December 2017, part-time entrepreneur, lover of puppies and saltwater.

MrMoogle

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1018
  • Age: 32
  • Location: Huntsville, AL
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5452 on: October 27, 2016, 12:44:27 PM »
I love how the sales price was $15k, but they took out $20k.  Did they just get $5k in cash?

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1553
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5453 on: October 27, 2016, 12:50:58 PM »
I love how the sales price was $15k, but they took out $20k.  Did they just get $5k in cash?

Sometimes that's actually a possiblity.

Look, free money! (ARGH)

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5454 on: October 27, 2016, 01:13:26 PM »
Sometimes you might make more money but your lower income friend spends far more on "stuff and things" further worsening their savings situation making their cash flow problem a "DUH!" moment.

Feels good to be wise enough to put back some acorns for later. In my case it was education by failures. Don't want to be broke? Do something about it!

Oh, yeah, totally. If you make half what I do but spend more than I do, that's just not gonna work at some point.

But I have low-income friends who DO save, but... y'know. Less. Because there's less to go around. And that's not actually shameful, that's just a fact of life/math.

Exactly. I guess most of us have been those low income people early in our lives. That said, its tough to be lower income AND drawn to spend on things you don't need and thus find yourself in a pinch when real needs pop up. Been there and its what motivated DW and I to make more money/get education/spend differently.

I don't look down on these folks but I do question (in my head) why they are smoking, driving a thirsty something with expensive tires, and planning vacations to expensive places on credit cards. Live and let live but don't complain too loudly when the paychecks won't pay for it all.

That car loan ought to have one more line that tells the total cost of the loan $20K @ 20% for X years = $34K. I guess all the info is out there via the 'net in the form of calculators and car loan descriptions and "True Value" estimations.

Still it always bothers me to see someone taken advantage of. 
« Last Edit: October 27, 2016, 01:18:40 PM by Joe Lucky »

RWD

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1766
  • Location: Mississippi
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5455 on: October 27, 2016, 01:33:41 PM »
Someone actually signed this car loan and now owe over 34k on it.  They've wised up and are trying to get out of it, but market value is only 12k, so they're considering a voluntary repo.
How is it even legal to have the payment amount so low that it doesn't even cover interest? Also, I'm trying to figure out why the financed amount is so much more than the sales price. Were they upside down on a trade-in?
20% interest on $20K is $4k, or about $155 biweekly. The payment is almost 70% interest, but it's not negative amortization.
As for how the balance managed to go up by another $14k, either they just didn't pay it for years, or it has something to do with the fine print, which isn't all visible there. I wonder if by "simple interest" they mean a fixed charge accrued up front....
I missed that it was biweekly payments. Assuming normal loan terms (probably a terrible assumption at this point) it works out to almost six years before the loan would be paid off with regular on-time payments. With nothing going wrong they would pay a little over $34k for a vehicle presumably worth $15k...

zephyr911

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3634
  • Age: 39
  • Location: Northern Alabama
  • I'm just happy to be here. \m/ ^_^ \m/
    • Pinhook Development LLC
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5456 on: October 27, 2016, 01:35:16 PM »
Probably worth more like $12K, because if you're dumb enough to sign that loan, you're also paying asking price... to the same people who just got you for 6 years at 20% on a depreciating asset....
Semi-FIREd December 2017, part-time entrepreneur, lover of puppies and saltwater.

infogoon

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 842
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5457 on: October 28, 2016, 06:35:08 AM »
Here, K and Grade 1 must be picked up by an adult.  In California, kids up to grade 3 were expected (not mandatory, but EXPECTED to be picked up by an adult)

   I don't know why the adults don't walk, but they often don't.. maybe between running errands or something in the car, don't have the time, etc..?

My tiny brain just exploded. There's no good reason children from the same neighborhood can't walk together in packs. It helps them learn social skills.

I live in an urban district with mandatory busing for "integration" purposes. When my oldest son reached kindergarten age, our request to put him in the elementary school a quarter-mile from our house was denied; they wanted to bus him across the city to another school instead. Essentially, put a five year old on a bus for two hours a day so he could go to a "failing" school in another neighborhood rather than the "failing" school in our neighborhood. So now he goes to a charter.

iowajes

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5716
  • Location: United States
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5458 on: October 28, 2016, 07:37:42 AM »
This morning I was scrolling through my facebook feed while my computer loaded and I came across a post from one of my athlete's moms (I'm a youth coach).  She was complaining that she lives on a cul-de-sac and a moving van broke down right at the end of it, completely blocking the road so she had no way to get her giant SUV out of her street to pick up her son from school.  Someone commented on it and said that she should just walk to the school and her response what that she can't because the school is a mile and a half away. *facepalm* This woman isn't even overweight by normal American standards - a mile and a half walk (or 3 miles total round-trip) shouldn't be that big of an issue!  Apparently the problem was solved when she saw a neighbor come home who lives past where the truck was sitting, and he drove her to pick up her son.

Maybe she just like the smell of toxic gas fumes when she is lined up idling behind a hundred other SUVs in the school carpark.

or he could always ride the bus, don't schools still do that?
I know for where I grew up, a mile and a half was the cutoff for the bus picking you up.  It was assumed kids were capable of walking any less than that....

It's 3 miles here, which I think is a pretty long way to expect a kid to walk twice a day to begin with, and at least from my neighborhood there are no sidewalks. Kids would have to walk an unpaved road with a speed limit of 55 mph.  I don't even like driving that road it gets so dusty that you can't see anything.   Now way would I send a kid walking!

engineermom21

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 93
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5459 on: October 28, 2016, 01:08:20 PM »


Exactly. I guess most of us have been those low income people early in our lives. That said, its tough to be lower income AND drawn to spend on things you don't need and thus find yourself in a pinch when real needs pop up. Been there and its what motivated DW and I to make more money/get education/spend differently.

I don't look down on these folks but I do question (in my head) why they are smoking, driving a thirsty something with expensive tires, and planning vacations to expensive places on credit cards. Live and let live but don't complain too loudly when the paychecks won't pay for it all.

That car loan ought to have one more line that tells the total cost of the loan $20K @ 20% for X years = $34K. I guess all the info is out there via the 'net in the form of calculators and car loan descriptions and "True Value" estimations.

Still it always bothers me to see someone taken advantage of.
[/quote]

Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

VladTheImpaler

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 212
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5460 on: October 30, 2016, 09:32:30 AM »
Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[MOD NOTE: That's a bit crude.  You can see how a friendly discussion can get derailed by this sort of thing.]

Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?
« Last Edit: October 31, 2016, 08:27:21 AM by FrugalToque »
"Everyone has different tastes and desires. These differences make the world orderly. If everyone wanted the same things, we would all be struggling against each other to acquire what little was available. Diversity is the source of harmony in human relationships."

-Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

WerKater

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 328
  • Location: Germany
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5461 on: October 30, 2016, 09:56:13 AM »
Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.
So it's an interest-only loan?

shelivesthedream

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2789
  • Location: London, UK
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5462 on: October 30, 2016, 10:16:58 AM »
Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?

Gosh, that's a bit of a leap of logic to assume that the child must be exactly like the mother! There are countless threads on this forum of people saying that it was actually seeing all their parents' crazy financial habits that made them determined to manage their money properly.
« Last Edit: October 31, 2016, 02:44:18 AM by shelivesthedream »

JrDoctor

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 102
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5463 on: October 31, 2016, 12:39:46 AM »
And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?
It is entirely possible for offspring to be different from their parents, your parents are probably very pleasant on internet forums while you act like a c***.

[MOD NOTE: Yeah, okay.  Let's all cool off a bit.  There's no need to get this testy.]
« Last Edit: October 31, 2016, 08:28:32 AM by FrugalToque »

marty998

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5126
  • Location: Sydney, Oz
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5464 on: October 31, 2016, 01:19:49 AM »
And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?
It is entirely possible for offspring to be different from their parents, your parents are probably very pleasant on internet forums while you act like a c***.

Ok you're both out of line there. No need to be obnoxious.

Forum is better than this.


MishMash

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 566
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5465 on: October 31, 2016, 01:33:11 PM »
The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals. 

onlykelsey

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1814
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5466 on: October 31, 2016, 01:43:13 PM »
The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals.

Oof.  That is something that scares me about having a kid.  I already have a dog and a husband, and it was much easier to imagine friends who could put me up for a week on their couch when it was just me.  Now that we're a much bigger package, it would be more difficult. 

How do you even keep track of eight animals?  Are they all goldfish???

MishMash

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 566
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5467 on: October 31, 2016, 01:49:34 PM »
The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals.

Oof.  That is something that scares me about having a kid.  I already have a dog and a husband, and it was much easier to imagine friends who could put me up for a week on their couch when it was just me.  Now that we're a much bigger package, it would be more difficult. 

How do you even keep track of eight animals?  Are they all goldfish???

She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

onlykelsey

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1814
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5468 on: October 31, 2016, 02:04:57 PM »
Quote
She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

I do not understand people who somehow turn a profit off of domestic animals (who are not highly trained rescue dogs or something).  I am not a support of most animal breeding in general, but I lived with a very conscientious breed enthusiast and breeder, and despite fetching 2-4K for each puppy, she was in the hole on each litter because of the costs of properly taking care of the mom and puppies, and always keeping a no-questions-asked open-door return policy.  Animals are money sinks!

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1750
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5469 on: October 31, 2016, 02:13:43 PM »
The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals.

Oof.  That is something that scares me about having a kid.  I already have a dog and a husband, and it was much easier to imagine friends who could put me up for a week on their couch when it was just me.  Now that we're a much bigger package, it would be more difficult. 

How do you even keep track of eight animals?  Are they all goldfish???

She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

This is Madame Bovary from your earlier post, isn't it?
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

ketchup

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3106
  • Age: 26
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5470 on: October 31, 2016, 02:14:40 PM »
Quote
She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

I do not understand people who somehow turn a profit off of domestic animals (who are not highly trained rescue dogs or something).  I am not a support of most animal breeding in general, but I lived with a very conscientious breed enthusiast and breeder, and despite fetching 2-4K for each puppy, she was in the hole on each litter because of the costs of properly taking care of the mom and puppies, and always keeping a no-questions-asked open-door return policy.  Animals are money sinks!
Yup.  Pretty much anyone turning a profit on dog breeding shouldn't be selling you one.  A $1500-2000 puppy from a responsible breeder might sound expensive, but if they did everything correctly, there's no way they're making money (best hope is to break even).  Those in it for the money are often the types selling $3500 "purebred" something-poos glorified-mutt designer dogs and that just makes me sick.  Or the "I have two dogs of opposite genders that are the same breed.  I'm a breeder now!" backyard breeder crowd.  If you want a purebred, find a real breeder.  If you want a loveable mutt, go to the damn shelter.

MishMash

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 566
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5471 on: October 31, 2016, 02:22:16 PM »
The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals.

Oof.  That is something that scares me about having a kid.  I already have a dog and a husband, and it was much easier to imagine friends who could put me up for a week on their couch when it was just me.  Now that we're a much bigger package, it would be more difficult. 

How do you even keep track of eight animals?  Are they all goldfish???

She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

This is Madame Bovary from your earlier post, isn't it?

Yup and totally like the reference lol.

With This Herring

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1213
  • Location: New York STATE, not city
  • TANSTAAFL!
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5472 on: October 31, 2016, 05:09:38 PM »
The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals.

Oof.  That is something that scares me about having a kid.  I already have a dog and a husband, and it was much easier to imagine friends who could put me up for a week on their couch when it was just me.  Now that we're a much bigger package, it would be more difficult. 

How do you even keep track of eight animals?  Are they all goldfish???

She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

This is Madame Bovary from your earlier post, isn't it?

Yup and totally like the reference lol.

Another +1 for the reference.  You should refer to her that way going forward so we can keep track of her exploits.  I just looked back to reread your old posts regarding her trainwreck decisions.  Good grief.
Go soak your beans.  You know you keep forgetting.

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5473 on: November 01, 2016, 11:11:13 AM »
Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

Cars can last a long time. We have 300K on our grocery getter daily driver. However the past a certain mileage - the car lasts because it was treated well and I have a negative expectation that the average vehicle was treated well enough to last to huge miles.

To me - anything with that many miles isn't worth much unless it was fully restored aka antique/collectible with a properly rebuilt driveline and suspension.

She definitely being taken advantage of in about three different ways there. Tell her I said she ought to start saving up for an engine or transmission rebuild. The smart thing would be to get rid of it soon and avoid the interest. I have no idea if a repo would be worthwhile. Might force her into something she can afford for cash though aka something thrifty and car like.

I'm curious about its real resale value. Maybe $10K?

VladTheImpaler

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 212
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5474 on: November 02, 2016, 06:15:02 AM »
Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?

Gosh, that's a bit of a leap of logic to assume that the child must be exactly like the mother! There are countless threads on this forum of people saying that it was actually seeing all their parents' crazy financial habits that made them determined to manage their money properly.

I'm sorry. I should not have said that.
I am one of those people that saw my parents and decided to break the cycle.
My question was sincere and I was genuinely hoping for an answer, I didn't mean to sound judgmental.

I divorced someone who I thought was very different than their parents, but turned out to be a liar and a manipulator, and exactly like the worst traits of their parents. So I'm trying to learn from others if they have experienced this.
I should have prefaced with that info. Context is everything.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2016, 06:35:38 AM by VladTheImpaler »
"Everyone has different tastes and desires. These differences make the world orderly. If everyone wanted the same things, we would all be struggling against each other to acquire what little was available. Diversity is the source of harmony in human relationships."

-Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

shelivesthedream

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2789
  • Location: London, UK
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5475 on: November 02, 2016, 08:14:15 AM »
Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?

Gosh, that's a bit of a leap of logic to assume that the child must be exactly like the mother! There are countless threads on this forum of people saying that it was actually seeing all their parents' crazy financial habits that made them determined to manage their money properly.

I'm sorry. I should not have said that.
I am one of those people that saw my parents and decided to break the cycle.
My question was sincere and I was genuinely hoping for an answer, I didn't mean to sound judgmental.

I divorced someone who I thought was very different than their parents, but turned out to be a liar and a manipulator, and exactly like the worst traits of their parents. So I'm trying to learn from others if they have experienced this.
I should have prefaced with that info. Context is everything.

Hey, good on you for standing up and apologising. We all have tone failures on the internet from time to time. Pax.

kayvent

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 614
  • Location: Canada
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5476 on: November 02, 2016, 02:36:01 PM »
I'm sorry. I should not have said that.
I am one of those people that saw my parents and decided to break the cycle.
My question was sincere and I was genuinely hoping for an answer, I didn't mean to sound judgmental.

I divorced someone who I thought was very different than their parents, but turned out to be a liar and a manipulator, and exactly like the worst traits of their parents. So I'm trying to learn from others if they have experienced this.
I should have prefaced with that info. Context is everything.

It is pretty well-established that kids tend to grow up to be like their same-gender parent, men are attracted to women who look like and are like their mother, and women are attracted to men who are like their father. Variations arise like with anything in life.

When I started dating my (long ago now) ex, one of their friends pulled me aside and warned me that their same-gender parent was psychopathic, a compulsive liar, etc.... I got similar warnings from other people and ignored them, figuring that my ex at the time was different. The relationship collapsed because all they wanted was sex and partying and be reckless. None of which were near the my top priority: an infant child at the time. After the breakup they put me through hell with their lies and delusions and accusations. After years of having full custody of our daughter, they have paid less than 30$ in child support, they rarely see our daughter, and they continue to lie and accuse me of things.

People deserve to not be judged by the personality of their parents; exceptions arise.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2016, 02:37:43 PM by kayvent »

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5477 on: November 03, 2016, 09:20:29 AM »
And that adds a layer of comedy to a relationship. Dislikes the mother-in-law but loves her daughter... Turns out that they are very similar in many ways.

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3565
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5478 on: November 03, 2016, 09:31:48 AM »
And that adds a layer of comedy to a relationship. Dislikes the mother-in-law but loves her daughter... Turns out that they are very similar in many ways.

Yeah, I remember gaining motivation to end a relationship with someone because I could see how similar she was to her mother (manipulator, spend-thrift, and more), but also really liking her and so not wanting to do so. In the end it was a relief when she broke up with me as it spared me from having to make the decision, and she was very surprised I didn't try to "win her back."

That said, I'm vastly different in personality than my parents or my siblings, and a lot of it is seeing how the decisions my parents made are hurting them now (esp in terms of how they invested their money).

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5479 on: November 03, 2016, 09:47:04 AM »
I can relate. DW and I are very different from our families too. Its meant less $$$ but we spend less too. I like who we are as people better. More versatile and adventurous. We looked at what worked in our families when we were growing up and discarded the rest. I think our frugality has looked like "poor" to the rest of the family and assumptions are made. We made long term decisions that are paying off in the expected ways now. 

mm1970

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5000
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5480 on: November 03, 2016, 10:58:01 AM »
I'm sorry. I should not have said that.
I am one of those people that saw my parents and decided to break the cycle.
My question was sincere and I was genuinely hoping for an answer, I didn't mean to sound judgmental.

I divorced someone who I thought was very different than their parents, but turned out to be a liar and a manipulator, and exactly like the worst traits of their parents. So I'm trying to learn from others if they have experienced this.
I should have prefaced with that info. Context is everything.

It is pretty well-established that kids tend to grow up to be like their same-gender parent, men are attracted to women who look like and are like their mother, and women are attracted to men who are like their father. Variations arise like with anything in life.

When I started dating my (long ago now) ex, one of their friends pulled me aside and warned me that their same-gender parent was psychopathic, a compulsive liar, etc.... I got similar warnings from other people and ignored them, figuring that my ex at the time was different. The relationship collapsed because all they wanted was sex and partying and be reckless. None of which were near the my top priority: an infant child at the time. After the breakup they put me through hell with their lies and delusions and accusations. After years of having full custody of our daughter, they have paid less than 30$ in child support, they rarely see our daughter, and they continue to lie and accuse me of things.

People deserve to not be judged by the personality of their parents; exceptions arise.
Lordy I hope not.  My mom became an alcoholic.  And she was often a "victim".  Never said no, didn't stand up for herself, very soft hearted.

My dad was kind of an asshole.  Relatively gruff, frugal, and hard-hearted.

I'd like to hope I'm a blend, but for sure at least so far I take after my dad more than my mom.

druth

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 322
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5481 on: November 03, 2016, 11:15:12 AM »
Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1553
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5482 on: November 03, 2016, 11:30:35 AM »
Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

Nope, me too. Pragmatic, practical, get shit done impressively, skilled at maintaining close interpersonal relationships, practical and reasonable... I could totally, 100% do worst.

Combine that with JUST enough 'I don't give a shit if you don't like me, I am NOT taking your shit' attitude from my dad, and... There you have it. :)

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3565
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5483 on: November 03, 2016, 11:59:01 AM »
Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

Nope, me too. Pragmatic, practical, get shit done impressively, skilled at maintaining close interpersonal relationships, practical and reasonable... I could totally, 100% do worst.

Combine that with JUST enough 'I don't give a shit if you don't like me, I am NOT taking your shit' attitude from my dad, and... There you have it. :)

Nice, that sounds like a great combination. My parents have a lot of traits that I do admire and take after (my mom's frugality, my dad's reasoning skills), but there is also a ton that I don't want to learn from. For instance, whenever my mom is uncomfortable in a conversation she just changes the topic instead of trying to learn something or acknowledging that she could be wrong (not just with me, with her friends and family as well), whereas I don't want to be like that. My dad tried his hand at market timing and day trading to horrible effect, my lesson from that was to be a long-term investor...right now my money is index funds because I don't have the stomach to research and buy individual stocks.

TravelJunkyQC

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 466
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Québec City, Canada
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5484 on: November 03, 2016, 12:04:42 PM »
Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

Nope, me too. Pragmatic, practical, get shit done impressively, skilled at maintaining close interpersonal relationships, practical and reasonable... I could totally, 100% do worst.

Combine that with JUST enough 'I don't give a shit if you don't like me, I am NOT taking your shit' attitude from my dad, and... There you have it. :)

I'm also a healthy medium between the two. I have some of each of their best strengths... and also, both of their worst aspects too. But hey, at least we understand each other throughout the good and the bad!

MrMoogle

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1018
  • Age: 32
  • Location: Huntsville, AL
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5485 on: November 04, 2016, 10:51:18 AM »
Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

Nope, me too. Pragmatic, practical, get shit done impressively, skilled at maintaining close interpersonal relationships, practical and reasonable... I could totally, 100% do worst.

Combine that with JUST enough 'I don't give a shit if you don't like me, I am NOT taking your shit' attitude from my dad, and... There you have it. :)
I'm happy to be mostly like my mom too.  What does that mean for a guy? :)

geekette

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1677
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5486 on: November 04, 2016, 11:24:19 AM »
I have my mom's fiscal sensibilities and my dad's personality. Why is it, then, that they had a great marriage but my mom drives me nuts?

kayvent

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 614
  • Location: Canada
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5487 on: November 04, 2016, 02:03:44 PM »
I have my mom's fiscal sensibilities and my dad's personality. Why is it, then, that they had a great marriage but my mom drives me nuts?

You're too similar :P

Zikoris

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2720
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
  • Vancouverstachian
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5488 on: November 04, 2016, 02:46:27 PM »
I'm very glad I only inherited my mom's impulsiveness for non-financial matters, because she makes lasting bad financial decisions on impulse, whereas I just go parachute off a mountain on impulse. Non-financial impulsiveness makes my life very fun. Financial impulsiveness means she'll likely never be able to retire.

I definitely inherited my dad's personality and cheapness. Many people have commented on our similarities over the years, and we get along very well.
Blogging about frugality, travel, and Vancouver life - www.incomingassets.wordpress.com

I also have a journal! http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/the-zikoris-diaries/

Metric Mouse

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5308
  • FU @ 22. F.I.R.E before 23
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5489 on: November 04, 2016, 07:59:09 PM »
Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

Nope, me too. Pragmatic, practical, get shit done impressively, skilled at maintaining close interpersonal relationships, practical and reasonable... I could totally, 100% do worst.

Combine that with JUST enough 'I don't give a shit if you don't like me, I am NOT taking your shit' attitude from my dad, and... There you have it. :)

I'm also a healthy medium between the two. I have some of each of their best strengths... and also, both of their worst aspects too. But hey, at least we understand each other throughout the good and the bad!

I'm a mix as well. Good and bad; with a healthy dose of off-the wall independence that came out of nowhere, it would seem.
Give me one fine day of plain sailing weather and I can mess up anything.

MustacheMathTM

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1553
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5490 on: November 07, 2016, 05:15:01 AM »
Overheard on Facebook: "I'm looking for a hairdresser for a little baby! She's only 4 months old, so I need someone with experience!"

Same person's post, 2 hours prior: "so broke lol gonna have to wait till payday for groceries!!"

*sigh*


Miss Piggy

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1056
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5491 on: November 07, 2016, 09:54:42 AM »
Overheard on Facebook: "I'm looking for a hairdresser for a little baby! She's only 4 months old, so I need someone with experience!"

Same person's post, 2 hours prior: "so broke lol gonna have to wait till payday for groceries!!"

*sigh*

C'mon now...this baby is in her formative months. One bad haircut could scar her for life!

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1553
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5492 on: November 07, 2016, 09:59:29 AM »
Overheard on Facebook: "I'm looking for a hairdresser for a little baby! She's only 4 months old, so I need someone with experience!"

Same person's post, 2 hours prior: "so broke lol gonna have to wait till payday for groceries!!"

*sigh*

C'mon now...this baby is in her formative months. One bad haircut could scar her for life!

Only if you're not using safety scissors. :P

In all seriousness: my kid is 2.5, and I give her a trim when I need to. My husband has long hair - every so often he asks me to give him a trim (his hair is long and thin, so it's basically a question of 'cut a straight line a few inches below shoulders'). This isn't rocket science that needs super-specific training. Thick hair that you want layered, sure, I have no idea how I'd do that. But "trim so it doesn't look uneven" shouldn't be beyond the reach of anyone who can use scissors.

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1750
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5493 on: November 07, 2016, 10:32:46 AM »
Overheard on Facebook: "I'm looking for a hairdresser for a little baby! She's only 4 months old, so I need someone with experience!"

Same person's post, 2 hours prior: "so broke lol gonna have to wait till payday for groceries!!"

*sigh*

C'mon now...this baby is in her formative months. One bad haircut could scar her for life!

Only if you're not using safety scissors. :P

In all seriousness: my kid is 2.5, and I give her a trim when I need to. My husband has long hair - every so often he asks me to give him a trim (his hair is long and thin, so it's basically a question of 'cut a straight line a few inches below shoulders'). This isn't rocket science that needs super-specific training. Thick hair that you want layered, sure, I have no idea how I'd do that. But "trim so it doesn't look uneven" shouldn't be beyond the reach of anyone who can use scissors.

Much of what people go to "professionals" for is very do-able at home. Nail salons, eyebrow plucking kiosks, and similar services come to mind. Yes, there are some extreme high-maintenance things that should require training, but as a society we're leading our young people to believe it's biologically impossible to apply nail polish or wield a pair of tweezers on oneself.
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

Undefined

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 8
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5494 on: November 07, 2016, 11:14:47 AM »
Quote
Much of what people go to "professionals" for is very do-able at home. Nail salons, eyebrow plucking kiosks, and similar services come to mind. Yes, there are some extreme high-maintenance things that should require training, but as a society we're leading our young people to believe it's biologically impossible to apply nail polish or wield a pair of tweezers on oneself.

Exactly this!  I think it should be a requirement that you should at least attempt this kind of stuff on your own before paying for it.  Yeah, that does mean you might wind up with a bad self dye job, or an uneven haircut, or messy nail polish or whatnot.  Maybe you'll even fail: my first attempt at plucking my own eyebrows was, shall we say, a learning experience. 

I don't think it matters, really, after that if you pay for someone else to do it for you or not.  (Well, as long as you can afford it without being stupid and going into debt because you must get your nails maincured every week or whatever.)

But it gives you a lot more appreciation for someone doing the task WELL if you know you've struggled with it.  It drives me nuts to see women berating the people who do their nails and hair for missing one small little spot - like, really, lady, could you have managed it that well?  Have you ever even tried this before? 

I get a haircut once a year or so (hair is long and straight, not much else to do to it), and I get my toenails done maybe every other year as a treat.  My eyebrows are another story; they want me to come in every four weeks, but I have them do it nice once and then maintain them myself for as long as I can before going back in to do it again.  But knowing how badly I fail at doing them completely myself makes it a lot easier to hand over the $25 to have someone else do them a few times a year, and makes me a lot more forgiving if I notice she missed a strand here or there.

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5495 on: November 07, 2016, 02:55:16 PM »
What changed? Is this an extension of "faux-luxury" that people seem to crave now?

When I was growing up it seemed all the women I knew got together and did hair, nails, whatever they thought was important together in the kitchen.

I'm sure mistakes were made.

This past weekend I listened to our younger child complain that they could not draw well. Consequently my DW should do it for them b/c she was good. DW taught the age old "history lesson" about how she is good at what she does b/c she practiced alot when she was the same age, etc. etc. I hope that made a lasting memory.

shelivesthedream

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2789
  • Location: London, UK
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5496 on: November 08, 2016, 01:58:24 AM »
What changed? Is this an extension of "faux-luxury" that people seem to crave now?

When I was growing up it seemed all the women I knew got together and did hair, nails, whatever they thought was important together in the kitchen.

I'm sure mistakes were made.

This past weekend I listened to our younger child complain that they could not draw well. Consequently my DW should do it for them b/c she was good. DW taught the age old "history lesson" about how she is good at what she does b/c she practiced alot when she was the same age, etc. etc. I hope that made a lasting memory.

Something I'm trying to remember too is that you don't have to be good at something to enjoy it. I'm crap at drawing but went to a local drawing meetup the other week and had a great time.

engineermom21

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 93
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5497 on: November 09, 2016, 08:48:03 AM »
Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[MOD NOTE: That's a bit crude.  You can see how a friendly discussion can get derailed by this sort of thing.]

Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?

Yup.  And he is as opposite from her as a person can be.  Just as frugal and focused on early retirement as I am.

engineermom21

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 93
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5498 on: November 09, 2016, 08:56:29 AM »

Cars can last a long time. We have 300K on our grocery getter daily driver. However the past a certain mileage - the car lasts because it was treated well and I have a negative expectation that the average vehicle was treated well enough to last to huge miles.

To me - anything with that many miles isn't worth much unless it was fully restored aka antique/collectible with a properly rebuilt driveline and suspension.

She definitely being taken advantage of in about three different ways there. Tell her I said she ought to start saving up for an engine or transmission rebuild. The smart thing would be to get rid of it soon and avoid the interest. I have no idea if a repo would be worthwhile. Might force her into something she can afford for cash though aka something thrifty and car like.

I'm curious about its real resale value. Maybe $10K?

Not sure about the resale value, but probably a lot less than she paid, I'm sure.  The even more sad thing is that she supposedly bought it from a "friend" at the dealership.  We have tried to help guide her in the right direction in the past with her financial decisions, but some people just can not change or be helped.  Unfortunately most of my husband's family is the same way.  How he turned out so completely different from them, I will never know, but I'm so grateful for it!

MishMash

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 566
Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #5499 on: November 10, 2016, 11:24:08 AM »
Ala Madame Bovary: 

Today a meme captioned with a Thank you Trump for becoming president!!!!: 1776 Give us liberty or give us death!  2016: Give us free stuff or we will whine and cry!

Now if you all recall from ealier postings ALL THIS GIRL HAS DONE IS WHINE AND CRY AND BEG FOR FREE STUFF for the past year.  Everything from gofund me's for rent and car payments/repairs, to a multiple paged Christmas list on Amazon for $100 plus toys for her kids and several pages of stuff like $200 northface jackets and $100 plus hair treatments for her and her boy toy.   I mean she LITERALLY posts at least once a week, some piece of jewelry or article of clothing captioned with WANT!! or Someone buy this for me puuuhllllleeeaaassseee!


She has turned down all resonable offers for help, like me offerring her some of moms overload of garden veggies (she wanted food she "likes" instead).  So she is ridiculing EXACTLY what she has spent the past year doing as a result of her own decisions.  But it's OK for her because she just "fell on hard times" (aka, never got an education, never held a full time job, never developed life skills then cheated on her military meal ticket who kicked her out).

My favorite responses
1.  Yea! I know, these millenials are ridiculous always wanting free stuff! (written by a millenial, as her and I are as well, this could be a silent jest at OP but I doubt it)
2.  Hell if I have to pay for my cell phone so should everyone else! (Ok fair enough, but this person is on pretty much every form of government assistance out there last I heard via my mother)
3.  Maybe now we can get jobs! (written by the local town junkie with 3 arrests for drugs that I know of, 2 of which were non weed ones)
4.  I can't wait for this country to BURN!!! (OK so you don't like it...move?)

It just took EVERYTHING in me not to type a response of "So it's OK for you to beg and whine and cry for free stuff (that you don't need)...how does that work"  Every. ounce. of. self. control.  Mainly because the post right after that was how they failed their eviction case (of course) and I am seriously not trying to kick someone when they are down...but ooooooh the urge is real.