Author Topic: Overheard on Facebook  (Read 1765797 times)

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3200 on: October 01, 2015, 02:20:37 PM »
How does selling overpriced make-up equal financial freedom? Hahaha

Yeah, all the MLMs seem to refer to "financial freedom" and how their product can bring that to their sellers. They also take about partnership and use a lot of buzz words. I can't believe people fall for it, but they do.

People keep using the term "financial freedom," I do not think that term means what you think it means...


iowajes

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3201 on: October 01, 2015, 02:31:27 PM »
How does selling overpriced make-up equal financial freedom? Hahaha

Not makeup, but a friend makes enough selling Beachbody that she and her husband both left their jobs as Aerospace Engineers.  They travel a lot, because she can do her job anywhere with an internet connection now.

/Just hope they are also thinking about retirement, and not just "same salary".

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3202 on: October 01, 2015, 02:35:25 PM »
How does selling overpriced make-up equal financial freedom? Hahaha

Not makeup, but a friend makes enough selling Beachbody that she and her husband both left their jobs as Aerospace Engineers.  They travel a lot, because she can do her job anywhere with an internet connection now.

/Just hope they are also thinking about retirement, and not just "same salary".

Both left their jobs as Aerospace Engineers? That is impressive, and yeah, I actually do like Beachbody workouts (currently doing Insanity). I don't buy any of their supplements or whatever, and have no clue how legit being a "coach" for them is (which is what they call their reps).

iowajes

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3203 on: October 01, 2015, 02:55:34 PM »

Both left their jobs as Aerospace Engineers? That is impressive, and yeah, I actually do like Beachbody workouts (currently doing Insanity). I don't buy any of their supplements or whatever, and have no clue how legit being a "coach" for them is (which is what they call their reps).

I think like every MLM, some coaches make a lot, and others just get their discount.

I did have to unfollow her on facebook. The daily shakeology photo and the daily post workout selfie were too much for me; not to mention 1,001 motivational posters. 

I have 6 friends in the neighborhood who sell Younique. Most are unfollowed on facebook too.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3204 on: October 01, 2015, 03:06:40 PM »
How does selling overpriced make-up equal financial freedom? Hahaha

I have an aunt that is doing well with a MLM makeup gig.  She seems to respect that I am not interested in her mens moisturizer line (I get all I need for free from hotels :-} )  Aunt does have a large (and local to her) acquaintance circle, maybe the key to MLM is teaching yoga at the YMCA?
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mm1970

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3205 on: October 01, 2015, 04:34:06 PM »
How does selling overpriced make-up equal financial freedom? Hahaha

Not makeup, but a friend makes enough selling Beachbody that she and her husband both left their jobs as Aerospace Engineers.  They travel a lot, because she can do her job anywhere with an internet connection now.

/Just hope they are also thinking about retirement, and not just "same salary".
This is impressive. I also know a couple of people who do it as a full time business now (were able to quit their day jobs), or use it as a side business to something else.

Like any MLM business, you have to work it.  Can you reach financial freedom with Younique?  I suppose so, if you like the product and have the right circle of customers and work the business.

The people who work the Beachbody business and do well at it - well, first, they love the product.  Second, they work hard at the business. Third, they are very motivational and REAL.  Easy to relate to.  Fourth, they spend a lot of time on it.  It's not just sitting at home, videotaping yourself, and posting to FB and instagram.  Some of them run workouts at private gyms 3 to 4x a day.  They run free healthy eating clinics.  Stuff like that.

But you can't really rest on your laurels.  From what I know, a BB Coach makes a commission of 25%.  You aren't going to be able to quit your job by getting a $15 to $40 cut when someone buys a workout from you, even if you have repeat customers who buy every new workout.  They way you make money is to "move up" and have more coaches below you (I honestly don't know how much this is worth. I  think when you get to a certain level you get customers from the BB website as referrals.)

The other way is Shakeology.  Obviously if someone buys it from you, you get a cut.  If they keep buying it from you, you get a cut every month.  I've seen local BB coaches run free groups, etc., but they stop putting effort in you if you don't buy Shakeology from them, because then they are working for nothing.

I have a friend who tried Rodan & Fields, but she just didn't have enough people interested.  Then there was the jewelry one. Another friend first tried DoTerra Oils (she seems to be doing okay, she's a SAHM).  Then she tried this energy/ utility thing.  Like, you get friends to sign up with this third tier electric company, that just buys in bulk from the local electric company.  Or with a cell phone company, or cable TV.  The customer saves money and you get a commission - every month - because they pay their bills.  It's apparently a good company (I went to the sales pitch).  Honestly, because I'm mustachian, the idea interested me (the idea to help people reduce their bills), but when my friend looked at my bills, she couldn't do better (because we'd optimized everything by then).

I think the big negative with that one was that the only cell phone company was one whose signals were not strong here.  The big wig from NC (video call) said "stop focusing only on cell phones, think of the big picture, this is a new market!"  We said "you don't understand, this is California, people will pay their phone bills before anything else!"

I'm not much of a sales person.  So while I like the Beach Body workouts, you won't ever see me quitting my day job to be a coach!

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3206 on: October 01, 2015, 09:28:53 PM »
Some of the volunteer work I do involves tailoring, so I do feel your pain. Have you tried preventive patching? I like to iron in a patch on the inside of a pantleg, and blind stitch it into place if necessary, once the pants are broken in but before there's much wear. After the second washing is good. This actually reduces friction on the fibers on the part of the knee that gets worn through, so it takes much longer for the hole to appear, and the patch is invisible from the outside.
I've tried the pre-emptive patching, albeit without the blind stitching (I'm not patient enough to do that :/ ).  When I was in high school, my jeans always tore open at the top corners of the back pockets, so I reinforced them with small patches on the inside.  Worked like a charm.

zephyr911

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3207 on: October 02, 2015, 11:04:11 AM »
Posted by a friend.
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Threshkin

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3208 on: October 02, 2015, 11:14:47 AM »
Posted by a friend.

I agree with the sentiment except it should read "Create the artwork" and "Make the dessert"

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3209 on: October 02, 2015, 12:16:25 PM »
I have an aunt who has been selling MLK for a long time.  I've lost count of the free pink cars she's driven over the years.

It's like anything else, a few people will do great at it and most won't because they won't do the work, or don't have the skills, or won't develop the skills.


HairyUpperLip

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3210 on: October 02, 2015, 02:56:18 PM »
I have an aunt who has been selling MLK for a long time.


lol.

frugalparagon

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3211 on: October 02, 2015, 09:15:35 PM »
Some of the volunteer work I do involves tailoring, so I do feel your pain. Have you tried preventive patching? I like to iron in a patch on the inside of a pantleg, and blind stitch it into place if necessary, once the pants are broken in but before there's much wear. After the second washing is good. This actually reduces friction on the fibers on the part of the knee that gets worn through, so it takes much longer for the hole to appear, and the patch is invisible from the outside.
I've tried the pre-emptive patching, albeit without the blind stitching (I'm not patient enough to do that :/ ).  When I was in high school, my jeans always tore open at the top corners of the back pockets, so I reinforced them with small patches on the inside.  Worked like a charm.

I'm not that picky. When I patch the inside leg of my jeans, I just stitch it right on there with a zigzag to keep the patch from ravelling. People shouldn't look at my groin area. (It is not normally visible anyway, but if I'm sitting, I can see the stitches.)
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regulator

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3212 on: October 02, 2015, 10:01:15 PM »
Posted by a friend.

I agree with the sentiment except it should read "Create the artwork" and "Make the dessert"

And "drink the boxwine."

cavewoman

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3213 on: October 03, 2015, 12:42:59 PM »

That's a fair point. I don't have many people close to me that live very far away, but I imagine that having FB is a way for many people to stay connected.

Nearly everyone important to me is far away.  The few friends I have who aren't on facebook are SO hard to keep in touch with- we talk every few YEARS. (Ever tried to find a good time to call a working Mom of 5? That's why I rarely get to call her.)

I used to not use facebook so much, but would go on and rant if something was going bad. My Mom eventually told me I needed to post more positive things because my Aunts were worried about me. When things were going well, I didn't need to vent to the internet.  So now I'm a bit more vapid in what I share, just so I don't sound depressed (which I never was.)

I started a thing in January where I call my 4 best friends on the date of their birthday every month. We live far flung (CA, GA, CO, NY, IL) and even though it doesn't always lead to an actual chat, it helps stave off feeling guilty when I realize it's been months since I've called. For my super busy friends, it helps coordinate too, because we know it's coming. Bonus: I'll never forget to call on their birthday again.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3214 on: October 03, 2015, 09:03:55 PM »
A girl on FB started selling Younique make-up a while back. She was posting like 5 times a day about it at first but then it seemed to slow down. Well she's back at it! But she doesn't want to just sell stuff from her page, now she wants to sell it on yours too! Lol


I like this. Oftentimes people doing MLM get thousands of likes by their friends, who egg them on (imo). This time, they are asked to do something. I wonder how they will respond.

Probably the way people respond to GoFundMe requests that aren't related to an actual disaster or charitable initiative.

There's a phenomenon called slacktivism, wherein people feel as though they're actually accomplishing something by clicking on a "like" button or making mouth noises. The gesture costs the slacktivist nothing, but the slacktivist believes he or she has actually made a difference, and therefore has no further interest in actually donating or helping, because in their minds they have already done their share.

If I have to hazard a guess, I predict that this lady's online friends will allow her to post on their walls or timelines right up to the point where they start getting flak from it from their other friends, or where they start to find it intrusive. I also predict that zero actual sales will be generated.
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partgypsy

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3215 on: October 05, 2015, 09:30:40 AM »
This is what severe entitlement looks like in a female form. You get women who enjoy a standard of living grossly out of proportion to their contribution to the household (when the kids go to school it's easy street).

Most of what you say I agree with, but this? Absolutely not. I would agree that the physical aspect of parenting gets easier once your children go to school, but it's by no means "easy street" as you put it, especially if you have three or more children. Managing childrens' lives, the household, and likely the appointments and other aspects of your spouse's life, in addition to the children, takes time. I don't think you can judge from the outside looking in whether or not it is grossly out of proportion. But the contempt you display above makes me think you are predisposed to judge the situation harshly and not in the favor of the non-working parent in terms of distributions of labor.

Obviously once a couple separates or divorces, everything changes. And the broader point is that the arrangement that was in place pre-split should never be assumed to continue. The SAHP is very, very likely going to need to re-enter the workforce.

I do absolutely agree, that the standard of living does change when two people divorce, especially if one was the primary breadwinner, and one was the stay at home. I disagree that she was entitled or was not doing much. The case I'm talking about the power dynamic was pretty unbalanced. For example he ended up making a lot of money so would buy himself expensive vehicles and toys (and go to strip clubs) while she still had a chip of a ring from when they initially married, and I know from being around her worried about even buying herself a sweater (from a thrift store!) because it was "his money". She is an involved (I would say over-involved) parent so even though she has the kids 50% she pays for their health insurance and schedules and deals with things like school activities, medical and dental appointments (kids have some minor but chronic issues). In fact one of his complaints was that she spent too much attention on the kids (not enough on him). But she seems to be reacting to all this in a not so healthy way.

MishMash

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3216 on: October 05, 2015, 10:18:12 AM »
Posted by my cousin this week "Look friend X, we just became parents"  The picture was of a 5k Chanel bag and a 3ishk Louis Vuitton bag...she's a school nurse making 60k a year.  I think I am now understanding why her husband divorced her in year one of the marriage.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3217 on: October 05, 2015, 12:18:46 PM »
I do absolutely agree, that the standard of living does change when two people divorce, especially if one was the primary breadwinner, and one was the stay at home. I disagree that she was entitled or was not doing much. The case I'm talking about the power dynamic was pretty unbalanced. For example he ended up making a lot of money so would buy himself expensive vehicles and toys (and go to strip clubs) while she still had a chip of a ring from when they initially married, and I know from being around her worried about even buying herself a sweater (from a thrift store!) because it was "his money". She is an involved (I would say over-involved) parent so even though she has the kids 50% she pays for their health insurance and schedules and deals with things like school activities, medical and dental appointments (kids have some minor but chronic issues). In fact one of his complaints was that she spent too much attention on the kids (not enough on him). But she seems to be reacting to all this in a not so healthy way.

Your friend does indeed sound as though she's struggling. Like many divorced people, she's being saddled with a disproportionate amount of responsibility while someone else takes it easy while benefiting from the fact the partnership happened. But in her case, it matches how her partner treated her during the marriage as well. Of course she's behaving in an unhealthy way... everything about her situation was unhealthy and it possibly still is.
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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3218 on: October 05, 2015, 12:52:49 PM »
Just saw a post from an old college acquaintance whining about hitting a pothole and cracking a wheel/popping both front tires on his new Lamborghini.

Tough life. First-world problems, much?
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MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3219 on: October 05, 2015, 12:56:48 PM »
Just saw a post from an old college acquaintance whining about hitting a pothole and cracking a wheel/popping both front tires on his new Lamborghini.

Tough life. First-world problems, much?

That's a large part of why I don't like having nice things. Nice things need to be maintained and cared for, I would rather buy a cheap laptop for a couple hundred and toss it after a year or two rather than buy a $1500 macbook that likely will last longer, but if I lose it or break it, I'll be more upset with myself.

gimp

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3220 on: October 05, 2015, 09:38:30 PM »
I'd be pissed if my car lost two wheels and tires too, though I'd probably get away cheaper than someone with a lambo.

I gotta wonder how fast he was going to fuck up both wheels in a single pothole (or was the pothole more like a small sinkhole the size of a smaller, slower car)?

Might be a teensy bit of a humblebrag, though.

Vertical Mode

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3221 on: October 06, 2015, 07:01:37 AM »
I'd be pissed if my car lost two wheels and tires too, though I'd probably get away cheaper than someone with a lambo.

I gotta wonder how fast he was going to fuck up both wheels in a single pothole (or was the pothole more like a small sinkhole the size of a smaller, slower car)?

Might be a teensy bit of a humblebrag, though.

Granted, there is certainly cause to be pissed off, but definitely a humblebrag and an excuse to broadcast the fact that he drives a Lamborghini. This is the same guy who made it known that he had $60k worth of watches in his dorm room in college, so after a while you come to expect such things.
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Kitsunegari

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3222 on: October 06, 2015, 07:38:40 AM »
Just saw a post from an old college acquaintance whining about hitting a pothole and cracking a wheel/popping both front tires on his new Lamborghini.

Tough life. First-world problems, much?

That's a large part of why I don't like having nice things. Nice things need to be maintained and cared for, I would rather buy a cheap laptop for a couple hundred and toss it after a year or two rather than buy a $1500 macbook that likely will last longer, but if I lose it or break it, I'll be more upset with myself.

I totally agree! My husband gave me a beautiful bracelet a few years ago, and I wore it just a few times because I'm terrified I'll lose it or get robbed in the metro...
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MishMash

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3223 on: October 06, 2015, 09:52:56 AM »
Said dependa Facebook friend from earlier in this string posted a novella this morning.  The jist of which is she cheated on her Tech Sgt husband, is pissed the husband is divorcing her and going for primary custody of the kids due to her unemployment and "anxiety", and just started a go fund me to pay for hospital bills in case the divorce goes through before she can get her heart surgery completed through Tricare (can I just insert how fucking stupid she is and how she totally doesn't realize she's looking at a six figure bill).  On the positive note, shes sooooo happy to be living with her "true love" now.

Now, she'd been having overly mopey posts the past couple of months, and has been asking for money in "OMG guys I need 200 bucks by Friday if anyone has it" so I thought something was up, but holy fucking SHIT.  Talk about things you SHOULDN'T be posting on the internet.  She also in previous posts thinks if Trump becomes president her unemployed ass will just be given a good job, you know, since she has no degree, and near no experience she TOTALLY deserves it because she's a nice person. 

This latest novella  might have earned the de friend button...I didn't think that level of crazy could exist in one person.

As of today she is now "rehoming" her two schnauzers because her new boyfriends place doesn't allow dogs and her "evil" ex keeps them crated while he is at work since they "like to play when no one is around"  The kicker comes from the statement of "There IS a rehoming fee and it is NOT cheap, I paid 1700 for the female 8 months ago alone".  This coming from the one that has been routinely begging money for over a year.

OK, so dilemma time on this one folks.  This woman yesterday has stated that she hasn't eaten in a couple of days, has been posting how she's craving hot dogs, but doesn't have any to eat or money to buy any, and she just had her heart ablation last week which means she's in recovery and not working, and was recently diagnosed with depression...her kids are also not living with her at the moment but will be visiting this week.  She's asking for food donations.  I could order up some groceries from the local shoprite and have her pick them up (I don't want to do a gift card as she'd probably blow it on convenience food from what I've seen). 

My husband says we shouldn't do it because a lot of her current situation is caused by no one other then herself.  Me, I'm seeing someone that is sick (both mentally and physically) and needs food she asked for some other things like contact lens solution, toys for her kids, and gas money that I'm not willing to hand over.  But the other part of me is saying she did this to herself.  She's never had a full time job, she walked out on the husband after forcing him into buying a house 4 months earlier, she's blown money on tattoos, makeup, clothes etc and has consistently bitched about being broke for years, despite her husband bringing in a pretty dang decent salary.

I feel like it's something that would be the right thing to do, someone is sick and in need, but I am afraid of setting a bad precedence.  I also don't know why her family, who lives 20 minutes away from her, while I live 4 states away, isn't helping her out, which makes me leery.

What would you all do?

Sooooo this just all imploded on her, and I feel terrible and I do think I should try to do something to help but I'm not sure what an appropriate response would be (especially since I live 4 states away and haven't seen this chick in upteen years).  This morning she serial posted a crap ton, the jist of which was the boyfriend she left DH for dumped her in an epic fasion, she's 3 months behind on car payments, and late on her $900 rent compiled with a "I haven't felt loved in years, he didn't even tell me why, I've said it before I'll say it again, I've hit rock bottom and it is total hell, can anyone lend me money"

 After the prior food post, I had contacted her to let her know that my mom had a ton of free veggies from her garden if she wanted some (seriously my mother is offloading the stuff by the bushel). I figured it was a good compromise, she would have healthy nutritious fruit and veggies as a starting point. She turned me down even though she only lives 10 minutes from my mothers house.  I also found out the guy she was dating was a veteran, and it's possible there is some PTSD in there.  He's been unemployed for like a year.  Now, he should be getting VA disability I thought, or been able to use the GI bill to go to school and collect the BAH in the meantime, all I got was that those weren't options, which leads me to believe he may have been discharged with a Dishonorable.  I let her know about Food banks in the area after this, and told her what resources the military had available for use until the divorce is finalized, she didn't show much interest in any of it.

The part that pisses me off in all of this is the comments to the "he left me" posting.  It was a bunch of hens all saying that she deserved a "man that could provide for her" "a man that can pay her bills, and feed her and the zillion pets" "a man that will love her kids" etc etc, and her agreeing with all of that (which as someone who is fiercely independent and work oriented makes me die a little inside but I can get that living off of someone else is some women's goal, my cousin being at the top of my list).  That's EXACTLY what she had with DH, and apparently that didn't make her happy either?

I'll be up there this weekend to visit my mom, so part of me is wondering if I should do anything.  This is all a catastrophe of her own making but my fear is that she will go suicidal, and as much as I may dislike her personal choices I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.  She still hasn't said why it's not an option to go back to her parents house, and they are on FB, so they can see her posts, and none of her family have done/said anything to support her which makes me leary.  And again, I've offered help in a minimal fashion, and she's turned it down since I don't think it was the "help" she's looking for so at this stage would you folks attempt to help, or just wash your hands of it all?

Pooperman

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3224 on: October 06, 2015, 10:04:41 AM »
Said dependa Facebook friend from earlier in this string posted a novella this morning.  The jist of which is she cheated on her Tech Sgt husband, is pissed the husband is divorcing her and going for primary custody of the kids due to her unemployment and "anxiety", and just started a go fund me to pay for hospital bills in case the divorce goes through before she can get her heart surgery completed through Tricare (can I just insert how fucking stupid she is and how she totally doesn't realize she's looking at a six figure bill).  On the positive note, shes sooooo happy to be living with her "true love" now.

Now, she'd been having overly mopey posts the past couple of months, and has been asking for money in "OMG guys I need 200 bucks by Friday if anyone has it" so I thought something was up, but holy fucking SHIT.  Talk about things you SHOULDN'T be posting on the internet.  She also in previous posts thinks if Trump becomes president her unemployed ass will just be given a good job, you know, since she has no degree, and near no experience she TOTALLY deserves it because she's a nice person. 

This latest novella  might have earned the de friend button...I didn't think that level of crazy could exist in one person.

As of today she is now "rehoming" her two schnauzers because her new boyfriends place doesn't allow dogs and her "evil" ex keeps them crated while he is at work since they "like to play when no one is around"  The kicker comes from the statement of "There IS a rehoming fee and it is NOT cheap, I paid 1700 for the female 8 months ago alone".  This coming from the one that has been routinely begging money for over a year.

OK, so dilemma time on this one folks.  This woman yesterday has stated that she hasn't eaten in a couple of days, has been posting how she's craving hot dogs, but doesn't have any to eat or money to buy any, and she just had her heart ablation last week which means she's in recovery and not working, and was recently diagnosed with depression...her kids are also not living with her at the moment but will be visiting this week.  She's asking for food donations.  I could order up some groceries from the local shoprite and have her pick them up (I don't want to do a gift card as she'd probably blow it on convenience food from what I've seen). 

My husband says we shouldn't do it because a lot of her current situation is caused by no one other then herself.  Me, I'm seeing someone that is sick (both mentally and physically) and needs food she asked for some other things like contact lens solution, toys for her kids, and gas money that I'm not willing to hand over.  But the other part of me is saying she did this to herself.  She's never had a full time job, she walked out on the husband after forcing him into buying a house 4 months earlier, she's blown money on tattoos, makeup, clothes etc and has consistently bitched about being broke for years, despite her husband bringing in a pretty dang decent salary.

I feel like it's something that would be the right thing to do, someone is sick and in need, but I am afraid of setting a bad precedence.  I also don't know why her family, who lives 20 minutes away from her, while I live 4 states away, isn't helping her out, which makes me leery.

What would you all do?

Sooooo this just all imploded on her, and I feel terrible and I do think I should try to do something to help but I'm not sure what an appropriate response would be (especially since I live 4 states away and haven't seen this chick in upteen years).  This morning she serial posted a crap ton, the jist of which was the boyfriend she left DH for dumped her in an epic fasion, she's 3 months behind on car payments, and late on her $900 rent compiled with a "I haven't felt loved in years, he didn't even tell me why, I've said it before I'll say it again, I've hit rock bottom and it is total hell, can anyone lend me money"

 After the prior food post, I had contacted her to let her know that my mom had a ton of free veggies from her garden if she wanted some (seriously my mother is offloading the stuff by the bushel). I figured it was a good compromise, she would have healthy nutritious fruit and veggies as a starting point. She turned me down even though she only lives 10 minutes from my mothers house.  I also found out the guy she was dating was a veteran, and it's possible there is some PTSD in there.  He's been unemployed for like a year.  Now, he should be getting VA disability I thought, or been able to use the GI bill to go to school and collect the BAH in the meantime, all I got was that those weren't options, which leads me to believe he may have been discharged with a Dishonorable.  I let her know about Food banks in the area after this, and told her what resources the military had available for use until the divorce is finalized, she didn't show much interest in any of it.

The part that pisses me off in all of this is the comments to the "he left me" posting.  It was a bunch of hens all saying that she deserved a "man that could provide for her" "a man that can pay her bills, and feed her and the zillion pets" "a man that will love her kids" etc etc, and her agreeing with all of that (which as someone who is fiercely independent and work oriented makes me die a little inside but I can get that living off of someone else is some women's goal, my cousin being at the top of my list).  That's EXACTLY what she had with DH, and apparently that didn't make her happy either?

I'll be up there this weekend to visit my mom, so part of me is wondering if I should do anything.  This is all a catastrophe of her own making but my fear is that she will go suicidal, and as much as I may dislike her personal choices I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.  She still hasn't said why it's not an option to go back to her parents house, and they are on FB, so they can see her posts, and none of her family have done/said anything to support her which makes me leary.  And again, I've offered help in a minimal fashion, and she's turned it down since I don't think it was the "help" she's looking for so at this stage would you folks attempt to help, or just wash your hands of it all?

You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Kitsunegari

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3225 on: October 06, 2015, 10:16:38 AM »
Said dependa Facebook friend from earlier in this string posted a novella this morning.  The jist of which is she cheated on her Tech Sgt husband, is pissed the husband is divorcing her and going for primary custody of the kids due to her unemployment and "anxiety", and just started a go fund me to pay for hospital bills in case the divorce goes through before she can get her heart surgery completed through Tricare (can I just insert how fucking stupid she is and how she totally doesn't realize she's looking at a six figure bill).  On the positive note, shes sooooo happy to be living with her "true love" now.

Now, she'd been having overly mopey posts the past couple of months, and has been asking for money in "OMG guys I need 200 bucks by Friday if anyone has it" so I thought something was up, but holy fucking SHIT.  Talk about things you SHOULDN'T be posting on the internet.  She also in previous posts thinks if Trump becomes president her unemployed ass will just be given a good job, you know, since she has no degree, and near no experience she TOTALLY deserves it because she's a nice person. 

This latest novella  might have earned the de friend button...I didn't think that level of crazy could exist in one person.

As of today she is now "rehoming" her two schnauzers because her new boyfriends place doesn't allow dogs and her "evil" ex keeps them crated while he is at work since they "like to play when no one is around"  The kicker comes from the statement of "There IS a rehoming fee and it is NOT cheap, I paid 1700 for the female 8 months ago alone".  This coming from the one that has been routinely begging money for over a year.

OK, so dilemma time on this one folks.  This woman yesterday has stated that she hasn't eaten in a couple of days, has been posting how she's craving hot dogs, but doesn't have any to eat or money to buy any, and she just had her heart ablation last week which means she's in recovery and not working, and was recently diagnosed with depression...her kids are also not living with her at the moment but will be visiting this week.  She's asking for food donations.  I could order up some groceries from the local shoprite and have her pick them up (I don't want to do a gift card as she'd probably blow it on convenience food from what I've seen). 

My husband says we shouldn't do it because a lot of her current situation is caused by no one other then herself.  Me, I'm seeing someone that is sick (both mentally and physically) and needs food she asked for some other things like contact lens solution, toys for her kids, and gas money that I'm not willing to hand over.  But the other part of me is saying she did this to herself.  She's never had a full time job, she walked out on the husband after forcing him into buying a house 4 months earlier, she's blown money on tattoos, makeup, clothes etc and has consistently bitched about being broke for years, despite her husband bringing in a pretty dang decent salary.

I feel like it's something that would be the right thing to do, someone is sick and in need, but I am afraid of setting a bad precedence.  I also don't know why her family, who lives 20 minutes away from her, while I live 4 states away, isn't helping her out, which makes me leery.

What would you all do?

Sooooo this just all imploded on her, and I feel terrible and I do think I should try to do something to help but I'm not sure what an appropriate response would be (especially since I live 4 states away and haven't seen this chick in upteen years).  This morning she serial posted a crap ton, the jist of which was the boyfriend she left DH for dumped her in an epic fasion, she's 3 months behind on car payments, and late on her $900 rent compiled with a "I haven't felt loved in years, he didn't even tell me why, I've said it before I'll say it again, I've hit rock bottom and it is total hell, can anyone lend me money"

 After the prior food post, I had contacted her to let her know that my mom had a ton of free veggies from her garden if she wanted some (seriously my mother is offloading the stuff by the bushel). I figured it was a good compromise, she would have healthy nutritious fruit and veggies as a starting point. She turned me down even though she only lives 10 minutes from my mothers house.  I also found out the guy she was dating was a veteran, and it's possible there is some PTSD in there.  He's been unemployed for like a year.  Now, he should be getting VA disability I thought, or been able to use the GI bill to go to school and collect the BAH in the meantime, all I got was that those weren't options, which leads me to believe he may have been discharged with a Dishonorable.  I let her know about Food banks in the area after this, and told her what resources the military had available for use until the divorce is finalized, she didn't show much interest in any of it.

The part that pisses me off in all of this is the comments to the "he left me" posting.  It was a bunch of hens all saying that she deserved a "man that could provide for her" "a man that can pay her bills, and feed her and the zillion pets" "a man that will love her kids" etc etc, and her agreeing with all of that (which as someone who is fiercely independent and work oriented makes me die a little inside but I can get that living off of someone else is some women's goal, my cousin being at the top of my list).  That's EXACTLY what she had with DH, and apparently that didn't make her happy either?

I'll be up there this weekend to visit my mom, so part of me is wondering if I should do anything.  This is all a catastrophe of her own making but my fear is that she will go suicidal, and as much as I may dislike her personal choices I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.  She still hasn't said why it's not an option to go back to her parents house, and they are on FB, so they can see her posts, and none of her family have done/said anything to support her which makes me leary.  And again, I've offered help in a minimal fashion, and she's turned it down since I don't think it was the "help" she's looking for so at this stage would you folks attempt to help, or just wash your hands of it all?

Do you know her parents? Is this an abusive family abandoning the child after messing her up, or a functional family who decided to cut off an irresponsible, potentially manipulative person?
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MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3226 on: October 06, 2015, 10:19:29 AM »
Said dependa Facebook friend from earlier in this string posted a novella this morning.  The jist of which is she cheated on her Tech Sgt husband, is pissed the husband is divorcing her and going for primary custody of the kids due to her unemployment and "anxiety", and just started a go fund me to pay for hospital bills in case the divorce goes through before she can get her heart surgery completed through Tricare (can I just insert how fucking stupid she is and how she totally doesn't realize she's looking at a six figure bill).  On the positive note, shes sooooo happy to be living with her "true love" now.

Now, she'd been having overly mopey posts the past couple of months, and has been asking for money in "OMG guys I need 200 bucks by Friday if anyone has it" so I thought something was up, but holy fucking SHIT.  Talk about things you SHOULDN'T be posting on the internet.  She also in previous posts thinks if Trump becomes president her unemployed ass will just be given a good job, you know, since she has no degree, and near no experience she TOTALLY deserves it because she's a nice person. 

This latest novella  might have earned the de friend button...I didn't think that level of crazy could exist in one person.

As of today she is now "rehoming" her two schnauzers because her new boyfriends place doesn't allow dogs and her "evil" ex keeps them crated while he is at work since they "like to play when no one is around"  The kicker comes from the statement of "There IS a rehoming fee and it is NOT cheap, I paid 1700 for the female 8 months ago alone".  This coming from the one that has been routinely begging money for over a year.

OK, so dilemma time on this one folks.  This woman yesterday has stated that she hasn't eaten in a couple of days, has been posting how she's craving hot dogs, but doesn't have any to eat or money to buy any, and she just had her heart ablation last week which means she's in recovery and not working, and was recently diagnosed with depression...her kids are also not living with her at the moment but will be visiting this week.  She's asking for food donations.  I could order up some groceries from the local shoprite and have her pick them up (I don't want to do a gift card as she'd probably blow it on convenience food from what I've seen). 

My husband says we shouldn't do it because a lot of her current situation is caused by no one other then herself.  Me, I'm seeing someone that is sick (both mentally and physically) and needs food she asked for some other things like contact lens solution, toys for her kids, and gas money that I'm not willing to hand over.  But the other part of me is saying she did this to herself.  She's never had a full time job, she walked out on the husband after forcing him into buying a house 4 months earlier, she's blown money on tattoos, makeup, clothes etc and has consistently bitched about being broke for years, despite her husband bringing in a pretty dang decent salary.

I feel like it's something that would be the right thing to do, someone is sick and in need, but I am afraid of setting a bad precedence.  I also don't know why her family, who lives 20 minutes away from her, while I live 4 states away, isn't helping her out, which makes me leery.

What would you all do?

Sooooo this just all imploded on her, and I feel terrible and I do think I should try to do something to help but I'm not sure what an appropriate response would be (especially since I live 4 states away and haven't seen this chick in upteen years).  This morning she serial posted a crap ton, the jist of which was the boyfriend she left DH for dumped her in an epic fasion, she's 3 months behind on car payments, and late on her $900 rent compiled with a "I haven't felt loved in years, he didn't even tell me why, I've said it before I'll say it again, I've hit rock bottom and it is total hell, can anyone lend me money"

 After the prior food post, I had contacted her to let her know that my mom had a ton of free veggies from her garden if she wanted some (seriously my mother is offloading the stuff by the bushel). I figured it was a good compromise, she would have healthy nutritious fruit and veggies as a starting point. She turned me down even though she only lives 10 minutes from my mothers house.  I also found out the guy she was dating was a veteran, and it's possible there is some PTSD in there.  He's been unemployed for like a year.  Now, he should be getting VA disability I thought, or been able to use the GI bill to go to school and collect the BAH in the meantime, all I got was that those weren't options, which leads me to believe he may have been discharged with a Dishonorable.  I let her know about Food banks in the area after this, and told her what resources the military had available for use until the divorce is finalized, she didn't show much interest in any of it.

The part that pisses me off in all of this is the comments to the "he left me" posting.  It was a bunch of hens all saying that she deserved a "man that could provide for her" "a man that can pay her bills, and feed her and the zillion pets" "a man that will love her kids" etc etc, and her agreeing with all of that (which as someone who is fiercely independent and work oriented makes me die a little inside but I can get that living off of someone else is some women's goal, my cousin being at the top of my list).  That's EXACTLY what she had with DH, and apparently that didn't make her happy either?

I'll be up there this weekend to visit my mom, so part of me is wondering if I should do anything.  This is all a catastrophe of her own making but my fear is that she will go suicidal, and as much as I may dislike her personal choices I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.  She still hasn't said why it's not an option to go back to her parents house, and they are on FB, so they can see her posts, and none of her family have done/said anything to support her which makes me leary.  And again, I've offered help in a minimal fashion, and she's turned it down since I don't think it was the "help" she's looking for so at this stage would you folks attempt to help, or just wash your hands of it all?

You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Exactly. This may come across as harsh to everyone on here, but I'm sorry, if someone is posting that they haven't eaten and you offer food and they don't accept it, then I'm done with trying to help them. If you are at a state where you have literally no food, but still feel like the world owes you what you want, you are currently constitutionally incapable of being helped.

MishMash

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3227 on: October 06, 2015, 10:34:35 AM »
I haven't seen her parents in years but her and I were very close for many of our teenage years and they were always nice to me, her and the siblings.  They were seriously weird, but very nice.  Her and I grew apart when she started going a bit wild.   I know right after I graduated college she was so far in credit card debt that her father cut up all her cards, that may be where the resentment stems from.

I was leaning towards washing of the hands, simply because she turned down what little help I did offer, I'm just afraid of her going suicidal which is the ONLY reason I am thinking of trying to help out.

Cookie78

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3228 on: October 06, 2015, 10:38:12 AM »
Said dependa Facebook friend from earlier in this string posted a novella this morning.  The jist of which is she cheated on her Tech Sgt husband, is pissed the husband is divorcing her and going for primary custody of the kids due to her unemployment and "anxiety", and just started a go fund me to pay for hospital bills in case the divorce goes through before she can get her heart surgery completed through Tricare (can I just insert how fucking stupid she is and how she totally doesn't realize she's looking at a six figure bill).  On the positive note, shes sooooo happy to be living with her "true love" now.

Now, she'd been having overly mopey posts the past couple of months, and has been asking for money in "OMG guys I need 200 bucks by Friday if anyone has it" so I thought something was up, but holy fucking SHIT.  Talk about things you SHOULDN'T be posting on the internet.  She also in previous posts thinks if Trump becomes president her unemployed ass will just be given a good job, you know, since she has no degree, and near no experience she TOTALLY deserves it because she's a nice person. 

This latest novella  might have earned the de friend button...I didn't think that level of crazy could exist in one person.

As of today she is now "rehoming" her two schnauzers because her new boyfriends place doesn't allow dogs and her "evil" ex keeps them crated while he is at work since they "like to play when no one is around"  The kicker comes from the statement of "There IS a rehoming fee and it is NOT cheap, I paid 1700 for the female 8 months ago alone".  This coming from the one that has been routinely begging money for over a year.

OK, so dilemma time on this one folks.  This woman yesterday has stated that she hasn't eaten in a couple of days, has been posting how she's craving hot dogs, but doesn't have any to eat or money to buy any, and she just had her heart ablation last week which means she's in recovery and not working, and was recently diagnosed with depression...her kids are also not living with her at the moment but will be visiting this week.  She's asking for food donations.  I could order up some groceries from the local shoprite and have her pick them up (I don't want to do a gift card as she'd probably blow it on convenience food from what I've seen). 

My husband says we shouldn't do it because a lot of her current situation is caused by no one other then herself.  Me, I'm seeing someone that is sick (both mentally and physically) and needs food she asked for some other things like contact lens solution, toys for her kids, and gas money that I'm not willing to hand over.  But the other part of me is saying she did this to herself.  She's never had a full time job, she walked out on the husband after forcing him into buying a house 4 months earlier, she's blown money on tattoos, makeup, clothes etc and has consistently bitched about being broke for years, despite her husband bringing in a pretty dang decent salary.

I feel like it's something that would be the right thing to do, someone is sick and in need, but I am afraid of setting a bad precedence.  I also don't know why her family, who lives 20 minutes away from her, while I live 4 states away, isn't helping her out, which makes me leery.

What would you all do?

Sooooo this just all imploded on her, and I feel terrible and I do think I should try to do something to help but I'm not sure what an appropriate response would be (especially since I live 4 states away and haven't seen this chick in upteen years).  This morning she serial posted a crap ton, the jist of which was the boyfriend she left DH for dumped her in an epic fasion, she's 3 months behind on car payments, and late on her $900 rent compiled with a "I haven't felt loved in years, he didn't even tell me why, I've said it before I'll say it again, I've hit rock bottom and it is total hell, can anyone lend me money"

 After the prior food post, I had contacted her to let her know that my mom had a ton of free veggies from her garden if she wanted some (seriously my mother is offloading the stuff by the bushel). I figured it was a good compromise, she would have healthy nutritious fruit and veggies as a starting point. She turned me down even though she only lives 10 minutes from my mothers house.  I also found out the guy she was dating was a veteran, and it's possible there is some PTSD in there.  He's been unemployed for like a year.  Now, he should be getting VA disability I thought, or been able to use the GI bill to go to school and collect the BAH in the meantime, all I got was that those weren't options, which leads me to believe he may have been discharged with a Dishonorable.  I let her know about Food banks in the area after this, and told her what resources the military had available for use until the divorce is finalized, she didn't show much interest in any of it.

The part that pisses me off in all of this is the comments to the "he left me" posting.  It was a bunch of hens all saying that she deserved a "man that could provide for her" "a man that can pay her bills, and feed her and the zillion pets" "a man that will love her kids" etc etc, and her agreeing with all of that (which as someone who is fiercely independent and work oriented makes me die a little inside but I can get that living off of someone else is some women's goal, my cousin being at the top of my list).  That's EXACTLY what she had with DH, and apparently that didn't make her happy either?

I'll be up there this weekend to visit my mom, so part of me is wondering if I should do anything.  This is all a catastrophe of her own making but my fear is that she will go suicidal, and as much as I may dislike her personal choices I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.  She still hasn't said why it's not an option to go back to her parents house, and they are on FB, so they can see her posts, and none of her family have done/said anything to support her which makes me leary.  And again, I've offered help in a minimal fashion, and she's turned it down since I don't think it was the "help" she's looking for so at this stage would you folks attempt to help, or just wash your hands of it all?

I wouldn't help. You've already given fantastic info that would be extremely helpful for someone who wanted to meet you half way to help themselves. She clearly doesn't. If I was starving I'd be over at your mother's for free veggies ASAP, and I'd be soooo thankful for it. I'm not starving and I'm still incredibly thankful for free veggies from my dad's garden. I'd also be appreciative of your info for other sources of help. She seems dismissive. I think it's been said here before, but there is a reason her family isn't helping, and it's almost certainly because they've done all they can and don't want enable her any more. I understand your desire to help, but at most I'd continue to give advice as you have been doing, but nothing more.

As for the comments about finding a man to provide for her, OMG as someone who is also fiercely independent, that makes me queasy too.

About the suicide, has she indicated in any way that that is a possibility?

justajane

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3229 on: October 06, 2015, 11:20:10 AM »
@MishMash - If you can handle listening to her complain for an hour, could you take her out to lunch when you are there? That way at least you know that day she gets a meal. I think that's about all that can be expected of you, and you are not even entitled to do that. It would just be nice. Of course, if you open the door, she might contact you later to ask for more.

MandalayVA

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3230 on: October 06, 2015, 12:10:00 PM »
Stay FAAAAAAAAR away from this trainwreck.  She doesn't want true help, she wants people to fawn over her and coo "ooh, you poor widdle thing."  Seriously, don't do it.
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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3231 on: October 06, 2015, 12:43:12 PM »
I'll be up there this weekend to visit my mom, so part of me is wondering if I should do anything.  This is all a catastrophe of her own making but my fear is that she will go suicidal, and as much as I may dislike her personal choices I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.  She still hasn't said why it's not an option to go back to her parents house, and they are on FB, so they can see her posts, and none of her family have done/said anything to support her which makes me leary.  And again, I've offered help in a minimal fashion, and she's turned it down since I don't think it was the "help" she's looking for so at this stage would you folks attempt to help, or just wash your hands of it all?

You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Indeed not, Pooperman... and if you hold its head underwater too long you have to start having a conversation about glue.

Seriously, though... MishMash has done everything that a sane and healthy friend can be expected to do. The drama queen in question (let's call her "Madame Bovary") is looking for another meal ticket. There's a reason she's "not able" to move back with her parents, or back with her soon-to-be-ex. She's burned those bridges at some point on purpose. By the time someone like this has "hit rock bottom" and is desperate, it's generally because Madame Bovary has not only used up and discarded every single friend or family member willing to help, but spurned the friendship of every responsible person in the area.

The fact is that nobody is ever capable of giving enough, or caring enough, or providing enough to Madame Bovary. Nobody will ever be exciting enough, generous enough, or awesome enough because eventually the bloom wears off the rose. That's why Madame Bovary saw fit to cheat on a loving, caring husband and provider, and it's one possible explanation as to why the man she cheated with dumped her in short order. She's not necessarily mentally ill, just phenomenally self-absorbed. Unfortunately, she learned earlier in life that if she's pathetic and miserable enough, someone will "help" her by meeting her needs. She prefers to use that strategy instead of meeting her own needs, and will therefore actively sabotage herself.

People who think and act like Madame Bovary often do end up attempting suicide, if they have the nerve and if everything they've done up to that point hasn't caused a Knight In Splendid Shining Armor Support System (KISSASS) to appear out of the woodwork. No KISSASS sticks around for long, because their resources get drained almost immediately and they are unable to sustain the level of giving and support that a Madame Bovary character "needs". So, every time a KISSASS wises up and refuses to be a meal ticket anymore, there's another, bigger drama fit in which the heroine becomes even more desperate. The goal is to draw a new KISSASS out of the woodwork and into her life. Over time, the people a Madame Bovary burns out withdraw and aren't willing or able to give anymore, so the amount of drama needed to produce a new codependent KISSASS increases. It can be fatal.

MishMash has a few options:
1) Sign up to be the next KISSASS, sacrifice savings and other luxuries in order to subsidize Madame Bovary's somewhat more lavish lifestyle, and get burned out just like every other KISSASS who has come before, or
2) Give Madame Bovary at least some of what she wants, and subject MishMash not only to Madame Bovary's own pressure but the entire Greek chorus of Facebook sycophants who bleat and bray their support every time Madame Bovary does something self-absorbed or asinine, or
3) Watch the train wreck from a safe distance. Continue to only offer what's reasonable, such as garden vegetables or actual food, but do not offer luxuries, and if an offer of what's reasonable is rebuffed, do not step forward, or
4) Close the book and read something besides Flaubert

MishMash does not have the power to prevent a suicide attempt by Madame Bovary.
MishMash does not have the power to prevent a suicide attempt by Madame Bovary.
MishMash does not have the power to prevent a suicide attempt by Madame Bovary.
MishMash does not have the power to prevent a suicide attempt by Madame Bovary.
MishMash does not have the power to prevent a suicide attempt by Madame Bovary.
MishMash does not have the power to prevent a suicide attempt by Madame Bovary.
MishMash does not have the power to prevent a suicide attempt by Madame Bovary.

If every single person on Madame Bovary's Facebook friend list were to give her a thousand dollars, she'd burn through it in short order and scale up her consumption to match her income, so as to be in the same kind of crisis, or worse, a year from now. This is a woman who, in every single possible situation, deliberately chose not to provide for herself (much less her kids) or to consider the effect her actions have on others. Expecting her to suddenly start to have empathy or to value others would be like expecting her to sprout feathers or develop the ability to breathe underwater. It's not going to happen.

A suicide attempt (possibly not an actual deliberate act of self-destruction so much as suicide by lifestyle) will occur if and when a Madame Bovary character gives herself permission to throw the ultimate drama fit. Since drama fits are intended to produce KISSASS behavior, when the last KISSASS is exhausted and no more come out of the woodwork the drama fits always escalate. Becoming the next KISSASS will not save Madame Bovary: it will only drain and exhaust MishMash and postpone what might be inevitable.

It may be prudent to stay in close enough contact to provide a crisis hotline number, or to call an emergency number for a safety or welfare check if Madame Bovary drops out of contact.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2015, 12:52:31 PM by TheGrimSqueaker »
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TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3232 on: October 06, 2015, 12:57:43 PM »
Posted by a friend.

I agree with the sentiment except it should read "Create the artwork" and "Make the dessert"

And "drink the boxwine."

Maybe "admire the art, brew the wine, eat the dessert."
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

MishMash

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3233 on: October 06, 2015, 01:30:15 PM »
Aaaaand I think theGrimSqueaker hit the nail on the head.  Summed up my fears in one hilariously, tragically, sad but true posting.  I don't know if she's honestly going to attempt anything, her postings are leaning towards indicating that she's thinking about it but I don't know her well enough anymore to judge if she'd actually do it.  And yea...she SERIOUSLY burnt through guys when we were younger, it was part of the reason we grew apart so the KISSASS analogy pretty much sums that aspect up...I never thought of it that way.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3234 on: October 06, 2015, 01:40:17 PM »
Aaaaand I think theGrimSqueaker hit the nail on the head.  Summed up my fears in one hilariously, tragically, sad but true posting.  I don't know if she's honestly going to attempt anything, her postings are leaning towards indicating that she's thinking about it but I don't know her well enough anymore to judge if she'd actually do it.  And yea...she SERIOUSLY burnt through guys when we were younger, it was part of the reason we grew apart so the KISSASS analogy pretty much sums that aspect up...I never thought of it that way.

To add to this, I've come around to the thinking that people need to truly hit bottom before you should help them. They will change their attitude or they won't. If they do change their attitude, then, by all means, give them some direction and they will be much better off. If they don't have an attitude change, they will sleep in the pile of their own shit at the bottom of the hole they dug all while asking for a new shovel.

irishbear99

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3235 on: October 06, 2015, 01:42:06 PM »
I'm just afraid of her going suicidal which is the ONLY reason I am thinking of trying to help out.

This is way, WAY above your pay grade. Unless, of course, you are professionally trained on how to deal with suicidal folks. If she makes a suicide threat, call 911. The best, most helpful thing you can do is get people involved who are trained to help.

zephyr911

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3236 on: October 06, 2015, 02:09:26 PM »
Posted by a friend who owes on some loans (but doesn't have kids).

Student debt squeezing parents and children simultaneously

I kinda pissed someone off with my response....
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justajane

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3237 on: October 06, 2015, 03:26:58 PM »
If they don't have an attitude change, they will sleep in the pile of their own shit at the bottom of the hole they dug all while asking for a new shovel.

Pooperman really knows his shit.

justajane

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3238 on: October 06, 2015, 03:39:57 PM »
Posted by a friend who owes on some loans (but doesn't have kids).

Student debt squeezing parents and children simultaneously

I kinda pissed someone off with my response....

I don't know. I see your point, especially if the complaining is excessive. But just because you made a choice to do something -- whether it's take a stressful job or have kids or whatever -- doesn't mean that you should never be allowed to lament about how difficult it is. I had someone pull that shit with me once, and I didn't take to it kindly either. After a long day chasing two little boys, I complained to a neighbor w/o kids about how hard my day was. And he said something to the extent of, "Well, you chose to have kids, so suck it up." It's the lack of any empathy or compassion that bothered me.

I am fortunate that I didn't take out loans and went to school right before prices really, really skyrocketed. I also don't think I would have taken out excessive loans if given the option. But there is such a thing as a biological clock, so you can't wait forever to have kids.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3239 on: October 06, 2015, 07:11:20 PM »
Aaaaand I think theGrimSqueaker hit the nail on the head.  Summed up my fears in one hilariously, tragically, sad but true posting.  I don't know if she's honestly going to attempt anything, her postings are leaning towards indicating that she's thinking about it but I don't know her well enough anymore to judge if she'd actually do it.  And yea...she SERIOUSLY burnt through guys when we were younger, it was part of the reason we grew apart so the KISSASS analogy pretty much sums that aspect up...I never thought of it that way.

I feel for you, because it hurts to see a friend self-destruct.

Your husband doesn't have a tie of friendship with Madame Bovary, and he's able to see the situation more clearly. His recommended course of action is quite good. If you're concerned about social repercussions, just tell anyone who asks that you're deferring to your husband on this issue.

If the situation were reversed, and it was one of your husband's old friends trying to mooch, I'd suggest the two of you flip the script and have your husband let you be the Person Who Says No.
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3240 on: October 06, 2015, 07:38:14 PM »
Posted by a friend who owes on some loans (but doesn't have kids).

Student debt squeezing parents and children simultaneously

I kinda pissed someone off with my response....

I don't know. I see your point, especially if the complaining is excessive. But just because you made a choice to do something -- whether it's take a stressful job or have kids or whatever -- doesn't mean that you should never be allowed to lament about how difficult it is. I had someone pull that shit with me once, and I didn't take to it kindly either. After a long day chasing two little boys, I complained to a neighbor w/o kids about how hard my day was. And he said something to the extent of, "Well, you chose to have kids, so suck it up." It's the lack of any empathy or compassion that bothered me.

Yeah I can understand a little bit more. I admit I'm not as sympathetic with my sister complaining about her kids, and this paragraph gives me more understanding what she goes through. Thanks for posting it.

partgypsy

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3241 on: October 07, 2015, 07:57:37 AM »
Wow my older brother sounds like the male equivalent of the person Grim Squeaker is describing, including going through multiple partners (until he cheats on them, they dump him or both), being lavish with spending other people's money, cries for help but disregarding all reasonable options (as beneath him) and even the suicide attempts. We have already noted in our family, that his emotional and behavioral escalations are rewarded (mom backs down, gives him more support). Like a totally backwards learning environment where bad behavior is rewarded. She hasn't hit bottom. That's either death, or the beginning of a turnaround. I've seen it play out both ways. She is hovering above rock bottom because she feels real or imagined help from friends is going to bail her out again. When she realizes that her life is literally in her own hands, and she got there herself, then she has reached rock bottom.

Give her crisis line, give her connections for food banks and other social services. There is really no reason she should be starving. At the least if she is not working and has partial custody of kids, she should be eligible for food stamps.
If she hurts herself call 911. People who know her even better than you (her family) are aware of what is going on, so don't feel like you need to be first responder. 
« Last Edit: October 07, 2015, 08:02:43 AM by partgypsy »

zephyr911

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3242 on: October 07, 2015, 01:52:33 PM »
Posted by a friend who owes on some loans (but doesn't have kids).

Student debt squeezing parents and children simultaneously

I kinda pissed someone off with my response....
I don't know. I see your point, especially if the complaining is excessive. But just because you made a choice to do something -- whether it's take a stressful job or have kids or whatever -- doesn't mean that you should never be allowed to lament about how difficult it is. I had someone pull that shit with me once, and I didn't take to it kindly either. After a long day chasing two little boys, I complained to a neighbor w/o kids about how hard my day was. And he said something to the extent of, "Well, you chose to have kids, so suck it up." It's the lack of any empathy or compassion that bothered me.

I am fortunate that I didn't take out loans and went to school right before prices really, really skyrocketed. I also don't think I would have taken out excessive loans if given the option. But there is such a thing as a biological clock, so you can't wait forever to have kids.
Yeah I can understand a little bit more. I admit I'm not as sympathetic with my sister complaining about her kids, and this paragraph gives me more understanding what she goes through. Thanks for posting it.

Fair enough, and maybe I was overly blunt. But nobody says they have to wait forever. Considering how much money some people blow on their kids, just a few years of putting that toward the loans could make all the difference. You don't HAVE to wait till 40, nor do you HAVE to start pumping them out at 21. There's room between for all kinds of life-altering changes.
I am not a cog. I am an organizational lubricant.

rockstache

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3243 on: October 07, 2015, 08:24:49 PM »
This isn't mustache related but it stunned me and I had to share. A make up artist girl (mid 20s) on my Fb posted a picture of a drugstore mascara. In the top right corner (of almost every type of mascara around here) she circled where it said:

BLACK
NEGRO
NOIR

And then wrote, "This mascara is called black negro. Opinions?"

Kris

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3244 on: October 07, 2015, 08:38:22 PM »
This isn't mustache related but it stunned me and I had to share. A make up artist girl (mid 20s) on my Fb posted a picture of a drugstore mascara. In the top right corner (of almost every type of mascara around here) she circled where it said:

BLACK
NEGRO
NOIR

And then wrote, "This mascara is called black negro. Opinions?"

Holy shit.
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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3245 on: October 07, 2015, 11:16:20 PM »
This isn't mustache related but it stunned me and I had to share. A make up artist girl (mid 20s) on my Fb posted a picture of a drugstore mascara. In the top right corner (of almost every type of mascara around here) she circled where it said:

BLACK
NEGRO
NOIR

And then wrote, "This mascara is called black negro. Opinions?"

I hope you wrote "Monolinguals are clueless."
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3246 on: October 08, 2015, 12:53:42 AM »
What do you call someone who speaks three languages?

Tri-lingual

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

Bi-lingual

What do you call someone who speaks one language?

American

(Unfortunately I say this as a mostly monolingual American, though I do understand there are many ways to describe the color black...)

shelivesthedream

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3247 on: October 08, 2015, 02:07:46 AM »
This isn't mustache related but it stunned me and I had to share. A make up artist girl (mid 20s) on my Fb posted a picture of a drugstore mascara. In the top right corner (of almost every type of mascara around here) she circled where it said:

BLACK
NEGRO
NOIR

And then wrote, "This mascara is called black negro. Opinions?"

But... What about the NOIR? Why doesn't she think it's called Black Negro Noir?

forumname123

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3248 on: October 08, 2015, 02:21:21 AM »
This isn't mustache related but it stunned me and I had to share. A make up artist girl (mid 20s) on my Fb posted a picture of a drugstore mascara. In the top right corner (of almost every type of mascara around here) she circled where it said:

BLACK
NEGRO
NOIR

And then wrote, "This mascara is called black negro. Opinions?"

But... What about the NOIR? Why doesn't she think it's called Black Negro Noir?

Noir is Spanish for black negro

ambimammular

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3249 on: October 08, 2015, 06:18:24 AM »
That's "black" in
English
Spanish
French