Author Topic: Overheard on Facebook  (Read 1958806 times)

Kitsunegari

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3150 on: September 29, 2015, 02:57:19 PM »

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

Grass is always greener. I'm getting better about this. I deliberately made a point of not posting pictures when I bought my house, and in general I'm trying to avoid posting anything exciting I do on FB. I constantly question myself when I post something in that, "Am I posting it to show people how awesome I am? Am I doing it to make people envious? Or am I doing it because I want to share something or encourage other people?" This eliminates most of the crap I would post in the past, and keeps me towards posting productive things like articles that people might not read, and it can usually spur a good conversation (I like people that disagree with me and can rationally tell me why I am wrong).

Yeah, I did the same. I'm not on FB but I did not send texts to friends that I got a house, I didn't post it on Instagram or Snapchat (the social media I use), etc. I really just didn't care to share with everyone.

I think it's lame that everyone runs to the internet and shows off their new purchases. I recently picked up a new to me '94 Honda and I wanted to share it because it's something that truly brings me happiness. But after some less than positive remarks from friends in real life I realized I made the better choice by not sharing my decision with everyone.

Such a shame that I can't share the things that genuinely make me happy via pictures. Or maybe I could... Book, fireplace, cat, cup of tea, and peace and quiet for more than 20 minutes in a row. Bliiiiiiss.


I think you can, though. I took a picture of my yoga mat in a park by a little pond and labeled it "My new favorite yoga studio" and people loved it.

You absolutely can, but what I stopped posting were extravagant things. Like I went to Colorado last year and realized later on that half the things I was posting was mostly a way of saying, "Hey, you're stuck at the office while I just climbed a mountain!" which isn't really a nice thing to do. I think it's great to post about reading outside or doing yoga. My goal is always ask myself, "Why am I posting this? Does posting it help me or other people?"

A friend of mine posts only stuff that make people think his life sucks just a little bit, so nobody gets envious. 'Cause you don't get many friends by igniting envy. I find it a very wise approach :-)
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Dollar Slice

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3151 on: September 29, 2015, 03:25:29 PM »
A friend of mine posts only stuff that make people think his life sucks just a little bit, so nobody gets envious. 'Cause you don't get many friends by igniting envy. I find it a very wise approach :-)
On the other hand, no one actually wants to hang out with you if your life is consistently full of suck. ;-)

I post a lot of fun things on FB but mostly it's inexpensive local things my friends are included in/invited to.
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Cookie78

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3152 on: September 29, 2015, 03:32:10 PM »

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

Grass is always greener. I'm getting better about this. I deliberately made a point of not posting pictures when I bought my house, and in general I'm trying to avoid posting anything exciting I do on FB. I constantly question myself when I post something in that, "Am I posting it to show people how awesome I am? Am I doing it to make people envious? Or am I doing it because I want to share something or encourage other people?" This eliminates most of the crap I would post in the past, and keeps me towards posting productive things like articles that people might not read, and it can usually spur a good conversation (I like people that disagree with me and can rationally tell me why I am wrong).

Yeah, I did the same. I'm not on FB but I did not send texts to friends that I got a house, I didn't post it on Instagram or Snapchat (the social media I use), etc. I really just didn't care to share with everyone.

I think it's lame that everyone runs to the internet and shows off their new purchases. I recently picked up a new to me '94 Honda and I wanted to share it because it's something that truly brings me happiness. But after some less than positive remarks from friends in real life I realized I made the better choice by not sharing my decision with everyone.

Such a shame that I can't share the things that genuinely make me happy via pictures. Or maybe I could... Book, fireplace, cat, cup of tea, and peace and quiet for more than 20 minutes in a row. Bliiiiiiss.


I think you can, though. I took a picture of my yoga mat in a park by a little pond and labeled it "My new favorite yoga studio" and people loved it.

You absolutely can, but what I stopped posting were extravagant things. Like I went to Colorado last year and realized later on that half the things I was posting was mostly a way of saying, "Hey, you're stuck at the office while I just climbed a mountain!" which isn't really a nice thing to do. I think it's great to post about reading outside or doing yoga. My goal is always ask myself, "Why am I posting this? Does posting it help me or other people?"

I find this very interesting, because I post the mountain climbing photos because I love to see when others are posting similar exciting photos. I want to see my friend's travel photos, so I post my own. If I don't post them I soon get people asking me why I haven't posted them yet. If you were my friend on Facebook I would be inspired by your Colorado photos... even if I was stuck at the office.

Cookie78

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3153 on: September 29, 2015, 03:34:55 PM »

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

Grass is always greener. I'm getting better about this. I deliberately made a point of not posting pictures when I bought my house, and in general I'm trying to avoid posting anything exciting I do on FB. I constantly question myself when I post something in that, "Am I posting it to show people how awesome I am? Am I doing it to make people envious? Or am I doing it because I want to share something or encourage other people?" This eliminates most of the crap I would post in the past, and keeps me towards posting productive things like articles that people might not read, and it can usually spur a good conversation (I like people that disagree with me and can rationally tell me why I am wrong).

Yeah, I did the same. I'm not on FB but I did not send texts to friends that I got a house, I didn't post it on Instagram or Snapchat (the social media I use), etc. I really just didn't care to share with everyone.

I think it's lame that everyone runs to the internet and shows off their new purchases. I recently picked up a new to me '94 Honda and I wanted to share it because it's something that truly brings me happiness. But after some less than positive remarks from friends in real life I realized I made the better choice by not sharing my decision with everyone.

Such a shame that I can't share the things that genuinely make me happy via pictures. Or maybe I could... Book, fireplace, cat, cup of tea, and peace and quiet for more than 20 minutes in a row. Bliiiiiiss.


I think you can, though. I took a picture of my yoga mat in a park by a little pond and labeled it "My new favorite yoga studio" and people loved it.

You absolutely can, but what I stopped posting were extravagant things. Like I went to Colorado last year and realized later on that half the things I was posting was mostly a way of saying, "Hey, you're stuck at the office while I just climbed a mountain!" which isn't really a nice thing to do. I think it's great to post about reading outside or doing yoga. My goal is always ask myself, "Why am I posting this? Does posting it help me or other people?"

A friend of mine posts only stuff that make people think his life sucks just a little bit, so nobody gets envious. 'Cause you don't get many friends by igniting envy. I find it a very wise approach :-)

Ugh, that sounds horrible. Those are the types of people that come across as negative that are quickly unfriended or unfollowed.

I think there's a happy balance and it's going to be different for everyone, but I prefer happy motivating Facebook pages to 'my life sucks' pages.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3154 on: September 29, 2015, 03:49:01 PM »
Several months ago I too decided to take a new approach to Facebook (and everything I post online). My question is always "What value am I contributing here?" Posting just to "make noise" does not constitute value, but sharing something that I found interesting or posting a genuine update on my life (e.g. New job) does count. I often want to post something on this forum but realise that I would only be repeating advice that has been given already - so what value am I adding?

It's not always successful (sometimes I do just want to chat!) but it's greatly reducing the amount of pointless rubbish I post. There is enough noise online already - I don't want to add to it.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3155 on: September 29, 2015, 05:50:47 PM »
Several months ago I too decided to take a new approach to Facebook (and everything I post online). My question is always "What value am I contributing here?" Posting just to "make noise" does not constitute value, but sharing something that I found interesting or posting a genuine update on my life (e.g. New job) does count. I often want to post something on this forum but realise that I would only be repeating advice that has been given already - so what value am I adding?

It's not always successful (sometimes I do just want to chat!) but it's greatly reducing the amount of pointless rubbish I post. There is enough noise online already - I don't want to add to it.

I have also been trying apply a filter of this type.  I measure my success by comments-- not likes.    It's easy to harvest "likes" but harder to get a conversation going.  I also try to only re-share items if I have something to add to the post that I think will appeal to people's thought process.  AND-- I try to stay mostly positive.  It's fine to be somewhat self-deprecating (as no one likes a braggart)-- but my bad days are kept quietly off-line.  (also-also-- I love pictures of people's vacations and adventures-- I don't ever consider that bragging, but rather living vicariously.  Today a friend posted a photograph of the most beautiful delicacies in a Paris bakery window-case, and my life is better for having seen the pretties, even though I'm unlikely ever to taste them.) 

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3156 on: September 29, 2015, 07:02:19 PM »
Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.
Oh man, so much this. Like my friend who got laid off right after buying a new hot tub, made her hubby buy her a new car the same day, and gushed all about it on the Facebooks. All she can talk about his how great her life is, how awesome her man is, and how she has everything a girl could ever want. The next time I was over, they had a conversation right in front of me about whether they had enough $ to cover that month's bills.

As far as the level of sharing, based on the comments here, most of you would probably think mine excessive. I guess it's just a product of having far-flung family and friends, and wanting to stay connected. Oh, and boredom at work, clearly. When I travel, or otherwise throw myself into stuff I like better than my current job, I tend to mostly forget about it.
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runningthroughFIRE

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3157 on: September 30, 2015, 07:46:03 AM »
I try to take a value-added approach to facebook, but judging by the fact that the majority of comments on my posts are from my family I'm probably not doing a good job of it.  What I never understood was when people start one-on-one conversations on someone's public profile.  If it's something multiple people are likely to enjoy reading or chiming in on that's fine, but I see private conversations going on right out in the open all the time.

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3158 on: September 30, 2015, 08:07:11 AM »
As far as the level of sharing, based on the comments here, most of you would probably think mine excessive. I guess it's just a product of having far-flung family and friends, and wanting to stay connected. Oh, and boredom at work, clearly. When I travel, or otherwise throw myself into stuff I like better than my current job, I tend to mostly forget about it.

That's a fair point. I don't have many people close to me that live very far away, but I imagine that having FB is a way for many people to stay connected.

infogoon

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3159 on: September 30, 2015, 08:55:23 AM »
Oh man, so much this. Like my friend who got laid off right after buying a new hot tub, made her hubby buy her a new car the same day, and gushed all about it on the Facebooks. All she can talk about his how great her life is, how awesome her man is, and how she has everything a girl could ever want. The next time I was over, they had a conversation right in front of me about whether they had enough $ to cover that month's bills.

http://www.theonion.com/article/facebook-version-of-marriage-going-great-34004

Kris

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3160 on: September 30, 2015, 09:57:44 AM »
Oh man, so much this. Like my friend who got laid off right after buying a new hot tub, made her hubby buy her a new car the same day, and gushed all about it on the Facebooks. All she can talk about his how great her life is, how awesome her man is, and how she has everything a girl could ever want. The next time I was over, they had a conversation right in front of me about whether they had enough $ to cover that month's bills.

http://www.theonion.com/article/facebook-version-of-marriage-going-great-34004

Ha -- that Onion article actually has a basis in reality.  Turns out that there is a correlation between over-the-top FB posts and troubles  in the couple's relationship:

http://www.medicaldaily.com/all-your-relationship-posts-facebook-tell-us-more-about-your-insecurities-your-happiness-305362

When I read this article, I immediately thought of three FB friends who are ALWAYS posting effusive FB posts about how much theY LOVE their HUNNY!!!! But I know for a fact that their relationships are seriously on the rocks.
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MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3161 on: September 30, 2015, 10:04:05 AM »
Oh man, so much this. Like my friend who got laid off right after buying a new hot tub, made her hubby buy her a new car the same day, and gushed all about it on the Facebooks. All she can talk about his how great her life is, how awesome her man is, and how she has everything a girl could ever want. The next time I was over, they had a conversation right in front of me about whether they had enough $ to cover that month's bills.

http://www.theonion.com/article/facebook-version-of-marriage-going-great-34004

Ha -- that Onion article actually has a basis in reality.  Turns out that there is a correlation between over-the-top FB posts and troubles  in the couple's relationship:

http://www.medicaldaily.com/all-your-relationship-posts-facebook-tell-us-more-about-your-insecurities-your-happiness-305362

When I read this article, I immediately thought of three FB friends who are ALWAYS posting effusive FB posts about how much theY LOVE their HUNNY!!!! But I know for a fact that their relationships are seriously on the rocks.

Yeah, that's really unfortunate. I find myself constantly checking FB, like I'll be sitting at home reading a book and find myself grabbing my cellphone or computer every 10 minutes to check my mail or check FB, even though 99.9999999% of all emails and messages I receive can easily wait.

iowajes

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3162 on: September 30, 2015, 10:08:45 AM »

That's a fair point. I don't have many people close to me that live very far away, but I imagine that having FB is a way for many people to stay connected.

Nearly everyone important to me is far away.  The few friends I have who aren't on facebook are SO hard to keep in touch with- we talk every few YEARS. (Ever tried to find a good time to call a working Mom of 5? That's why I rarely get to call her.)

I used to not use facebook so much, but would go on and rant if something was going bad. My Mom eventually told me I needed to post more positive things because my Aunts were worried about me. When things were going well, I didn't need to vent to the internet.  So now I'm a bit more vapid in what I share, just so I don't sound depressed (which I never was.)

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3163 on: September 30, 2015, 10:31:58 AM »

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

Grass is always greener. I'm getting better about this. I deliberately made a point of not posting pictures when I bought my house, and in general I'm trying to avoid posting anything exciting I do on FB. I constantly question myself when I post something in that, "Am I posting it to show people how awesome I am? Am I doing it to make people envious? Or am I doing it because I want to share something or encourage other people?" This eliminates most of the crap I would post in the past, and keeps me towards posting productive things like articles that people might not read, and it can usually spur a good conversation (I like people that disagree with me and can rationally tell me why I am wrong).

Yeah, I did the same. I'm not on FB but I did not send texts to friends that I got a house, I didn't post it on Instagram or Snapchat (the social media I use), etc. I really just didn't care to share with everyone.

I think it's lame that everyone runs to the internet and shows off their new purchases. I recently picked up a new to me '94 Honda and I wanted to share it because it's something that truly brings me happiness. But after some less than positive remarks from friends in real life I realized I made the better choice by not sharing my decision with everyone.

Such a shame that I can't share the things that genuinely make me happy via pictures. Or maybe I could... Book, fireplace, cat, cup of tea, and peace and quiet for more than 20 minutes in a row. Bliiiiiiss.


I think you can, though. I took a picture of my yoga mat in a park by a little pond and labeled it "My new favorite yoga studio" and people loved it.

You absolutely can, but what I stopped posting were extravagant things. Like I went to Colorado last year and realized later on that half the things I was posting was mostly a way of saying, "Hey, you're stuck at the office while I just climbed a mountain!" which isn't really a nice thing to do. I think it's great to post about reading outside or doing yoga. My goal is always ask myself, "Why am I posting this? Does posting it help me or other people?"

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3164 on: September 30, 2015, 10:57:55 AM »
Oh man, so much this. Like my friend who got laid off right after buying a new hot tub, made her hubby buy her a new car the same day, and gushed all about it on the Facebooks. All she can talk about his how great her life is, how awesome her man is, and how she has everything a girl could ever want. The next time I was over, they had a conversation right in front of me about whether they had enough $ to cover that month's bills.

http://www.theonion.com/article/facebook-version-of-marriage-going-great-34004

Ha -- that Onion article actually has a basis in reality.  Turns out that there is a correlation between over-the-top FB posts and troubles  in the couple's relationship:

http://www.medicaldaily.com/all-your-relationship-posts-facebook-tell-us-more-about-your-insecurities-your-happiness-305362

When I read this article, I immediately thought of three FB friends who are ALWAYS posting effusive FB posts about how much theY LOVE their HUNNY!!!! But I know for a fact that their relationships are seriously on the rocks.
My mom and I have a running bet on who's getting divorced next based on the lovey-dovey shit they post on FB. Though I might lose because my couple has five kids under 12 and one shitty job

partgypsy

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3165 on: September 30, 2015, 11:18:19 AM »
I know this person on Facebook, and in person. Married, did the typical thing of not using her degree and staying home with kids while he had successful career. A bad divorce, and husband, though an absentee type father with little no interest in taking care of their kids, successfully sued for 50% custody so he could avoid child support (has his new girlfriend watch the kids). Instead of alimony got a large lump sum. So while I sympathize with her situation (lots of choice words I would use to describe her husband), don't understand her thought process. If I was in her situation, would be freaking out and butt in gear.  First couple years, did nothing, just lived off that money. bought a house but retained a large heloc (which she can also draw on). And credit cards. Just this fall started going back to school. Essentially other than that lump sum, has no income, and tuition bills, until graduates in 1-2 years and gets a job in that field. Continues to live life as usual, going out to eat, hosting get togethers, and even though bitterly complaining about her financially precarious situation, was driving a new Lexus (with the car payments to match). Recently her heloc got abruptly closed due to debt/asset ratio, and had to use lump sum to pay off heloc, so no lump sum, just (cc and tuition) debt. I asked if she was going to maybe not keep new car based on new situation, and she said "heck no, I love my new car! I get 44 miles to the gallon!".
« Last Edit: September 30, 2015, 11:30:39 AM by partgypsy »

Kitsunegari

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3166 on: September 30, 2015, 11:40:53 AM »
Oh man, so much this. Like my friend who got laid off right after buying a new hot tub, made her hubby buy her a new car the same day, and gushed all about it on the Facebooks. All she can talk about his how great her life is, how awesome her man is, and how she has everything a girl could ever want. The next time I was over, they had a conversation right in front of me about whether they had enough $ to cover that month's bills.

http://www.theonion.com/article/facebook-version-of-marriage-going-great-34004

Ha -- that Onion article actually has a basis in reality.  Turns out that there is a correlation between over-the-top FB posts and troubles  in the couple's relationship:

http://www.medicaldaily.com/all-your-relationship-posts-facebook-tell-us-more-about-your-insecurities-your-happiness-305362

When I read this article, I immediately thought of three FB friends who are ALWAYS posting effusive FB posts about how much theY LOVE their HUNNY!!!! But I know for a fact that their relationships are seriously on the rocks.
My mom and I have a running bet on who's getting divorced next based on the lovey-dovey shit they post on FB. Though I might lose because my couple has five kids under 12 and one shitty job

True! I have an ex and his next girlfriend, on Facebook, and when she suddenly start posting cute things they'd do together or for each other I knew it was over. "He made me pancakes! I have the best bf evah!" No honey, it's Saturday morning, half the city is getting pancakes by their partner.
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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3167 on: September 30, 2015, 02:01:07 PM »
I know this person on Facebook, and in person. Married, did the typical thing of not using her degree and staying home with kids while he had successful career. A bad divorce, and husband, though an absentee type father with little no interest in taking care of their kids, successfully sued for 50% custody so he could avoid child support (has his new girlfriend watch the kids). Instead of alimony got a large lump sum. So while I sympathize with her situation (lots of choice words I would use to describe her husband), don't understand her thought process. If I was in her situation, would be freaking out and butt in gear.  First couple years, did nothing, just lived off that money. bought a house but retained a large heloc (which she can also draw on). And credit cards. Just this fall started going back to school. Essentially other than that lump sum, has no income, and tuition bills, until graduates in 1-2 years and gets a job in that field. Continues to live life as usual, going out to eat, hosting get togethers, and even though bitterly complaining about her financially precarious situation, was driving a new Lexus (with the car payments to match). Recently her heloc got abruptly closed due to debt/asset ratio, and had to use lump sum to pay off heloc, so no lump sum, just (cc and tuition) debt. I asked if she was going to maybe not keep new car based on new situation, and she said "heck no, I love my new car! I get 44 miles to the gallon!".

There are several people in my life like this. I asked a newly separated SAHM if she was going to go back to work, and she looked at my liked I was crazy and said, "Well, I've stayed home til now and we've made it work. Why should I need to work now??"

Someone even closer to me has been divorced for about seven years and still hasn't stopped being a SAHM. The ex-husband works overtime to make it work. I don't get it.

zephyr911

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3168 on: September 30, 2015, 02:04:03 PM »
True! I have an ex and his next girlfriend, on Facebook, and when she suddenly start posting cute things they'd do together or for each other I knew it was over. "He made me pancakes! I have the best bf evah!" No honey, it's Saturday morning, half the city is getting pancakes by their partner.
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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3169 on: September 30, 2015, 02:08:04 PM »

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

Grass is always greener. I'm getting better about this. I deliberately made a point of not posting pictures when I bought my house, and in general I'm trying to avoid posting anything exciting I do on FB. I constantly question myself when I post something in that, "Am I posting it to show people how awesome I am? Am I doing it to make people envious? Or am I doing it because I want to share something or encourage other people?" This eliminates most of the crap I would post in the past, and keeps me towards posting productive things like articles that people might not read, and it can usually spur a good conversation (I like people that disagree with me and can rationally tell me why I am wrong).

Yeah, I did the same. I'm not on FB but I did not send texts to friends that I got a house, I didn't post it on Instagram or Snapchat (the social media I use), etc. I really just didn't care to share with everyone.

I think it's lame that everyone runs to the internet and shows off their new purchases. I recently picked up a new to me '94 Honda and I wanted to share it because it's something that truly brings me happiness. But after some less than positive remarks from friends in real life I realized I made the better choice by not sharing my decision with everyone.

Such a shame that I can't share the things that genuinely make me happy via pictures. Or maybe I could... Book, fireplace, cat, cup of tea, and peace and quiet for more than 20 minutes in a row. Bliiiiiiss.


I think you can, though. I took a picture of my yoga mat in a park by a little pond and labeled it "My new favorite yoga studio" and people loved it.

You absolutely can, but what I stopped posting were extravagant things. Like I went to Colorado last year and realized later on that half the things I was posting was mostly a way of saying, "Hey, you're stuck at the office while I just climbed a mountain!" which isn't really a nice thing to do. I think it's great to post about reading outside or doing yoga. My goal is always ask myself, "Why am I posting this? Does posting it help me or other people?"

I find this very interesting, because I post the mountain climbing photos because I love to see when others are posting similar exciting photos. I want to see my friend's travel photos, so I post my own. If I don't post them I soon get people asking me why I haven't posted them yet. If you were my friend on Facebook I would be inspired by your Colorado photos... even if I was stuck at the office.

I agree; I like seeing people posting about good things in their lives.  Vacation pictures make me think "That looks great.  When was the last time I was on a mountain?  Time for a camp out!"  Someone posting about their workout/diet/whatever makes me think "Good for them.  Maybe I should try _____." and research wether or not it would improve my current exercise/food habits.  Someone posting about a fuzzy afternoon in or an adorable kid story just makes me happy for them.  I like reading happy posts.  It reinforces the idea that life is awesome.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3170 on: September 30, 2015, 02:39:50 PM »
I know this person on Facebook, and in person. Married, did the typical thing of not using her degree and staying home with kids while he had successful career. A bad divorce, and husband, though an absentee type father with little no interest in taking care of their kids, successfully sued for 50% custody so he could avoid child support (has his new girlfriend watch the kids). Instead of alimony got a large lump sum. So while I sympathize with her situation (lots of choice words I would use to describe her husband), don't understand her thought process. If I was in her situation, would be freaking out and butt in gear.  First couple years, did nothing, just lived off that money. bought a house but retained a large heloc (which she can also draw on). And credit cards. Just this fall started going back to school. Essentially other than that lump sum, has no income, and tuition bills, until graduates in 1-2 years and gets a job in that field. Continues to live life as usual, going out to eat, hosting get togethers, and even though bitterly complaining about her financially precarious situation, was driving a new Lexus (with the car payments to match). Recently her heloc got abruptly closed due to debt/asset ratio, and had to use lump sum to pay off heloc, so no lump sum, just (cc and tuition) debt. I asked if she was going to maybe not keep new car based on new situation, and she said "heck no, I love my new car! I get 44 miles to the gallon!".

There are several people in my life like this. I asked a newly separated SAHM if she was going to go back to work, and she looked at my liked I was crazy and said, "Well, I've stayed home til now and we've made it work. Why should I need to work now??"

Someone even closer to me has been divorced for about seven years and still hasn't stopped being a SAHM. The ex-husband works overtime to make it work. I don't get it.

This is what severe entitlement looks like in a female form. You get women who enjoy a standard of living grossly out of proportion to their contribution to the household (when the kids go to school it's easy street). For whatever reason, they get the idea that they can cut their meal ticket out of the mix and still continue to enjoy the same standard of living.

I've got a friend who, while married, got used to the whole designer-clothing-and-luxury-house thing because she and her husband built a very successful business before she stayed home with the kids or worked part-time. Her education, however, doesn't match her potential and it qualifies her to work in a pink collar field. Part of her divorce settlement was for them to jointly put a down payment on a $250k+ house for her near where he and the kids lived. There was also a cash settlement in the low 6 figures. No child support involved.

Anyway, this friend of mine burned through all of it in less than a year despite working two jobs. She just couldn't afford to fly out of town once or twice a month to see her new out of state boyfriend, have eyelash extensions and fake nails done every couple weeks, and still make her sizable mortgage payments. She confided in me that the cash settlement was nearly all gone, and that it was putting a strain on her to travel to see her boyfriend, who could not afford to reciprocate. I told her to stop spending on anything but necessities, maybe sell the house and get something more practical, and cut way back. She informed me that she'd stopped getting eyelash extensions. But she still had expensive fake nails, brand-new shoes, a gas guzzling car, and the latest iThing for a phone.

My friend is a basically good person, but she still doesn't understand the standard of living appropriate to her actual income. Nor does she understand that, after divorce, a woman's standard of living generally hits the skids unless she can make serious money of her own.
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Dollar Slice

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3171 on: September 30, 2015, 03:05:01 PM »
I agree; I like seeing people posting about good things in their lives.  Vacation pictures make me think "That looks great.  When was the last time I was on a mountain?  Time for a camp out!"  Someone posting about their workout/diet/whatever makes me think "Good for them.  Maybe I should try _____." and research wether or not it would improve my current exercise/food habits.  Someone posting about a fuzzy afternoon in or an adorable kid story just makes me happy for them.  I like reading happy posts.  It reinforces the idea that life is awesome.
Yes! Exactly. Today I learned from my Facebook friends: one of my friends got an A on her masters' course. Another got a law degree with honors. Another is performing on stage tonight in Milan, Italy (his first trip to Europe!). Another friend is taking a week off between jobs and had fancy cheese and wine on the back deck to celebrate. A musician I really like got four blue ribbons for his first-ever exhibition at Maker Faire. Another friend just premiered her new documentary in London. Another friend is sitting by a pool somewhere tropical drinking cold beer. Another friend is working in his recording studio and is excited about the cool high-end microphones he's using today.

What's not to like? This stuff all makes me smile. I've never achieved any of these things but it does not induce the slightest jealousy. I love my friends and I'm happy for their successes in life.
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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3172 on: September 30, 2015, 03:10:19 PM »
This is what severe entitlement looks like in a female form. You get women who enjoy a standard of living grossly out of proportion to their contribution to the household (when the kids go to school it's easy street).

Most of what you say I agree with, but this? Absolutely not. I would agree that the physical aspect of parenting gets easier once your children go to school, but it's by no means "easy street" as you put it, especially if you have three or more children. Managing childrens' lives, the household, and likely the appointments and other aspects of your spouse's life, in addition to the children, takes time. I don't think you can judge from the outside looking in whether or not it is grossly out of proportion. But the contempt you display above makes me think you are predisposed to judge the situation harshly and not in the favor of the non-working parent in terms of distributions of labor.

Obviously once a couple separates or divorces, everything changes. And the broader point is that the arrangement that was in place pre-split should never be assumed to continue. The SAHP is very, very likely going to need to re-enter the workforce. 

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3173 on: September 30, 2015, 03:32:20 PM »
But the contempt you display above makes me think you are predisposed to judge the situation harshly and not in the favor of the non-earning parent in terms of distributions of labor.

FTFY

Home economics (finding good deals on groceries, cooking from scratch, maintaining a vegetable garden, mending clothes so they last longer) and avoiding paying a daycare are definitely work.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3174 on: September 30, 2015, 04:19:49 PM »
True! I have an ex and his next girlfriend, on Facebook, and when she suddenly start posting cute things they'd do together or for each other I knew it was over. "He made me pancakes! I have the best bf evah!" No honey, it's Saturday morning, half the city is getting pancakes by their partner.
Oh shit... don't tell my wife!

This is why I don't make my wife pancakes.  You know, to keep our marriage strong.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3175 on: September 30, 2015, 04:39:04 PM »
I know this person on Facebook, and in person. Married, did the typical thing of not using her degree and staying home with kids while he had successful career. A bad divorce, and husband, though an absentee type father with little no interest in taking care of their kids, successfully sued for 50% custody so he could avoid child support (has his new girlfriend watch the kids). Instead of alimony got a large lump sum. So while I sympathize with her situation (lots of choice words I would use to describe her husband), don't understand her thought process. If I was in her situation, would be freaking out and butt in gear.  First couple years, did nothing, just lived off that money. bought a house but retained a large heloc (which she can also draw on). And credit cards. Just this fall started going back to school. Essentially other than that lump sum, has no income, and tuition bills, until graduates in 1-2 years and gets a job in that field. Continues to live life as usual, going out to eat, hosting get togethers, and even though bitterly complaining about her financially precarious situation, was driving a new Lexus (with the car payments to match). Recently her heloc got abruptly closed due to debt/asset ratio, and had to use lump sum to pay off heloc, so no lump sum, just (cc and tuition) debt. I asked if she was going to maybe not keep new car based on new situation, and she said "heck no, I love my new car! I get 44 miles to the gallon!".

There are several people in my life like this. I asked a newly separated SAHM if she was going to go back to work, and she looked at my liked I was crazy and said, "Well, I've stayed home til now and we've made it work. Why should I need to work now??"

Someone even closer to me has been divorced for about seven years and still hasn't stopped being a SAHM. The ex-husband works overtime to make it work. I don't get it.

This is what severe entitlement looks like in a female form. You get women who enjoy a standard of living grossly out of proportion to their contribution to the household (when the kids go to school it's easy street). For whatever reason, they get the idea that they can cut their meal ticket out of the mix and still continue to enjoy the same standard of living.

I've got a friend who, while married, got used to the whole designer-clothing-and-luxury-house thing because she and her husband built a very successful business before she stayed home with the kids or worked part-time. Her education, however, doesn't match her potential and it qualifies her to work in a pink collar field. Part of her divorce settlement was for them to jointly put a down payment on a $250k+ house for her near where he and the kids lived. There was also a cash settlement in the low 6 figures. No child support involved.

Anyway, this friend of mine burned through all of it in less than a year despite working two jobs. She just couldn't afford to fly out of town once or twice a month to see her new out of state boyfriend, have eyelash extensions and fake nails done every couple weeks, and still make her sizable mortgage payments. She confided in me that the cash settlement was nearly all gone, and that it was putting a strain on her to travel to see her boyfriend, who could not afford to reciprocate. I told her to stop spending on anything but necessities, maybe sell the house and get something more practical, and cut way back. She informed me that she'd stopped getting eyelash extensions. But she still had expensive fake nails, brand-new shoes, a gas guzzling car, and the latest iThing for a phone.

My friend is a basically good person, but she still doesn't understand the standard of living appropriate to her actual income. Nor does she understand that, after divorce, a woman's standard of living generally hits the skids unless she can make serious money of her own.

Ugh. No kidding.  I'm a stepmom, and I have a support group of other stepmoms who has grown really close over the years.  Of the fourteen women in my group, six of their husbands have ex-wives who somehow think that child support is alimony and should pay for their lives, as well.  Even my own DH's ex has a job, but couldn't understand why her child support should end when the kids were not living with her anymore because (I kid you not) "I still have a mortgage."

She said this to the judge at the hearing to address it.  Needless to say, the judge did not agree with her.
Please note: Libertarian4321 did not vote for either Hillary or Trump. He voted for Gary Johnson, who was the Libertarian candidate.

Alenzia

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3176 on: September 30, 2015, 04:41:47 PM »
Quote

Such a shame that I can't share the things that genuinely make me happy via pictures. Or maybe I could... Book, fireplace, cat, cup of tea, and peace and quiet for more than 20 minutes in a row. Bliiiiiiss.

Seriously, though: the people on Facebook who hadn't seen me in a few months found out I was pregnant when the first picture of my kid showed up on facebook (posted by someone else, I was just tagged in it). I edge towards the UNDERsharing.

I'm pretty sure pictures of cats is half the reason for the internet so you could totally share what's making you happy and be within societal norms!

nobodyspecial

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3177 on: September 30, 2015, 05:07:29 PM »
have ex-wives who somehow think that child support is alimony and should pay for their lives, as well.  Even my own DH's ex has a job, but couldn't understand why her child support should end when the kids were not living with her anymore because (I kid you not) "I still have a mortgage."
I have a modest proposal that might help their finances

Kris

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3178 on: September 30, 2015, 05:18:56 PM »
have ex-wives who somehow think that child support is alimony and should pay for their lives, as well.  Even my own DH's ex has a job, but couldn't understand why her child support should end when the kids were not living with her anymore because (I kid you not) "I still have a mortgage."
I have a modest proposal that might help their finances

Lol.  Unfortunately, I like my stepkids, so... :)
Please note: Libertarian4321 did not vote for either Hillary or Trump. He voted for Gary Johnson, who was the Libertarian candidate.

Cookie78

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3179 on: September 30, 2015, 05:51:34 PM »
I know this person on Facebook, and in person. Married, did the typical thing of not using her degree and staying home with kids while he had successful career. A bad divorce, and husband, though an absentee type father with little no interest in taking care of their kids, successfully sued for 50% custody so he could avoid child support (has his new girlfriend watch the kids). Instead of alimony got a large lump sum. So while I sympathize with her situation (lots of choice words I would use to describe her husband), don't understand her thought process. If I was in her situation, would be freaking out and butt in gear.  First couple years, did nothing, just lived off that money. bought a house but retained a large heloc (which she can also draw on). And credit cards. Just this fall started going back to school. Essentially other than that lump sum, has no income, and tuition bills, until graduates in 1-2 years and gets a job in that field. Continues to live life as usual, going out to eat, hosting get togethers, and even though bitterly complaining about her financially precarious situation, was driving a new Lexus (with the car payments to match). Recently her heloc got abruptly closed due to debt/asset ratio, and had to use lump sum to pay off heloc, so no lump sum, just (cc and tuition) debt. I asked if she was going to maybe not keep new car based on new situation, and she said "heck no, I love my new car! I get 44 miles to the gallon!".

There are several people in my life like this. I asked a newly separated SAHM if she was going to go back to work, and she looked at my liked I was crazy and said, "Well, I've stayed home til now and we've made it work. Why should I need to work now??"

Someone even closer to me has been divorced for about seven years and still hasn't stopped being a SAHM. The ex-husband works overtime to make it work. I don't get it.

This is what severe entitlement looks like in a female form. You get women who enjoy a standard of living grossly out of proportion to their contribution to the household (when the kids go to school it's easy street). For whatever reason, they get the idea that they can cut their meal ticket out of the mix and still continue to enjoy the same standard of living.

I've got a friend who, while married, got used to the whole designer-clothing-and-luxury-house thing because she and her husband built a very successful business before she stayed home with the kids or worked part-time. Her education, however, doesn't match her potential and it qualifies her to work in a pink collar field. Part of her divorce settlement was for them to jointly put a down payment on a $250k+ house for her near where he and the kids lived. There was also a cash settlement in the low 6 figures. No child support involved.

Anyway, this friend of mine burned through all of it in less than a year despite working two jobs. She just couldn't afford to fly out of town once or twice a month to see her new out of state boyfriend, have eyelash extensions and fake nails done every couple weeks, and still make her sizable mortgage payments. She confided in me that the cash settlement was nearly all gone, and that it was putting a strain on her to travel to see her boyfriend, who could not afford to reciprocate. I told her to stop spending on anything but necessities, maybe sell the house and get something more practical, and cut way back. She informed me that she'd stopped getting eyelash extensions. But she still had expensive fake nails, brand-new shoes, a gas guzzling car, and the latest iThing for a phone.

My friend is a basically good person, but she still doesn't understand the standard of living appropriate to her actual income. Nor does she understand that, after divorce, a woman's standard of living generally hits the skids unless she can make serious money of her own.

Ugh. No kidding.  I'm a stepmom, and I have a support group of other stepmoms who has grown really close over the years.  Of the fourteen women in my group, six of their husbands have ex-wives who somehow think that child support is alimony and should pay for their lives, as well.  Even my own DH's ex has a job, but couldn't understand why her child support should end when the kids were not living with her anymore because (I kid you not) "I still have a mortgage."

She said this to the judge at the hearing to address it.  Needless to say, the judge did not agree with her.

My brother's ex is like this too. Even though he had the kids 98% of the time (it was supposed to be 50/50 but she would return the kids within 12 hours of her allotted 2 weeks). He was still paying child support because he didn't want to rock the boat and he enjoyed spending the time with his kids. After a few years they went back to court and he didn't have to pay child support anymore (AND he got the money back that he'd paid for the previous couple years). She posted on her Facebook 'it takes a real man to take a woman's child support away!' Ha. Do they not understand child support is for the kids?!

mm1970

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3180 on: September 30, 2015, 05:53:56 PM »
But the contempt you display above makes me think you are predisposed to judge the situation harshly and not in the favor of the non-earning parent in terms of distributions of labor.

FTFY

Home economics (finding good deals on groceries, cooking from scratch, maintaining a vegetable garden, mending clothes so they last longer) and avoiding paying a daycare are definitely work.
Very much this. I think it's all a tricky situation.

I worked with a young single guy who once said "well, after a divorce the husband owes the ex  wife nothing, because the contract ended".  He didn't quite get the "he BROKE the contract!"

Anyway, I don't necessarily think it's bad form for exes SAHMs to continue to SAH for awhile if it can be managed.  Being a working parent is a lot of work, even in a two-working parent household. Add kids to that?  Being a single parent (the single CUSTODIAL parent) isn't exactly easy.  Try to do that if you have a full time job, and now don't have back up for sick days.  Especially if you took several years off work and start at the bottom.  Most places don't start you off at much more than 2 weeks off per year.

The fact of the matter is divorce sucks, and splitting a household requires EVERYONE to decrease their standard of living because now there are two houses to support.  It's better if everyone accepts that. Sometimes a SAHP is able to continue to SAH in a different standard of living, but that's fine.

Kris

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3181 on: September 30, 2015, 05:58:24 PM »
I know this person on Facebook, and in person. Married, did the typical thing of not using her degree and staying home with kids while he had successful career. A bad divorce, and husband, though an absentee type father with little no interest in taking care of their kids, successfully sued for 50% custody so he could avoid child support (has his new girlfriend watch the kids). Instead of alimony got a large lump sum. So while I sympathize with her situation (lots of choice words I would use to describe her husband), don't understand her thought process. If I was in her situation, would be freaking out and butt in gear.  First couple years, did nothing, just lived off that money. bought a house but retained a large heloc (which she can also draw on). And credit cards. Just this fall started going back to school. Essentially other than that lump sum, has no income, and tuition bills, until graduates in 1-2 years and gets a job in that field. Continues to live life as usual, going out to eat, hosting get togethers, and even though bitterly complaining about her financially precarious situation, was driving a new Lexus (with the car payments to match). Recently her heloc got abruptly closed due to debt/asset ratio, and had to use lump sum to pay off heloc, so no lump sum, just (cc and tuition) debt. I asked if she was going to maybe not keep new car based on new situation, and she said "heck no, I love my new car! I get 44 miles to the gallon!".

There are several people in my life like this. I asked a newly separated SAHM if she was going to go back to work, and she looked at my liked I was crazy and said, "Well, I've stayed home til now and we've made it work. Why should I need to work now??"

Someone even closer to me has been divorced for about seven years and still hasn't stopped being a SAHM. The ex-husband works overtime to make it work. I don't get it.

This is what severe entitlement looks like in a female form. You get women who enjoy a standard of living grossly out of proportion to their contribution to the household (when the kids go to school it's easy street). For whatever reason, they get the idea that they can cut their meal ticket out of the mix and still continue to enjoy the same standard of living.

I've got a friend who, while married, got used to the whole designer-clothing-and-luxury-house thing because she and her husband built a very successful business before she stayed home with the kids or worked part-time. Her education, however, doesn't match her potential and it qualifies her to work in a pink collar field. Part of her divorce settlement was for them to jointly put a down payment on a $250k+ house for her near where he and the kids lived. There was also a cash settlement in the low 6 figures. No child support involved.

Anyway, this friend of mine burned through all of it in less than a year despite working two jobs. She just couldn't afford to fly out of town once or twice a month to see her new out of state boyfriend, have eyelash extensions and fake nails done every couple weeks, and still make her sizable mortgage payments. She confided in me that the cash settlement was nearly all gone, and that it was putting a strain on her to travel to see her boyfriend, who could not afford to reciprocate. I told her to stop spending on anything but necessities, maybe sell the house and get something more practical, and cut way back. She informed me that she'd stopped getting eyelash extensions. But she still had expensive fake nails, brand-new shoes, a gas guzzling car, and the latest iThing for a phone.

My friend is a basically good person, but she still doesn't understand the standard of living appropriate to her actual income. Nor does she understand that, after divorce, a woman's standard of living generally hits the skids unless she can make serious money of her own.

Ugh. No kidding.  I'm a stepmom, and I have a support group of other stepmoms who has grown really close over the years.  Of the fourteen women in my group, six of their husbands have ex-wives who somehow think that child support is alimony and should pay for their lives, as well.  Even my own DH's ex has a job, but couldn't understand why her child support should end when the kids were not living with her anymore because (I kid you not) "I still have a mortgage."

She said this to the judge at the hearing to address it.  Needless to say, the judge did not agree with her.

My brother's ex is like this too. Even though he had the kids 98% of the time (it was supposed to be 50/50 but she would return the kids within 12 hours of her allotted 2 weeks). He was still paying child support because he didn't want to rock the boat and he enjoyed spending the time with his kids. After a few years they went back to court and he didn't have to pay child support anymore (AND he got the money back that he'd paid for the previous couple years). She posted on her Facebook 'it takes a real man to take a woman's child support away!' Ha. Do they not understand child support is for the kids?!


Yeah, that is pretty damn typical.  I have to say, before I became a stepmom, I never would have believed that there were so many entitled ex-wives out there... But now?  Whoosah. I feel like I've heard it all.  And the sad thing is, these women have legions of other women who will support them no matter what.  Because moms are always selfless, you know.
Please note: Libertarian4321 did not vote for either Hillary or Trump. He voted for Gary Johnson, who was the Libertarian candidate.

infogoon

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3182 on: October 01, 2015, 08:59:42 AM »
But the contempt you display above makes me think you are predisposed to judge the situation harshly and not in the favor of the non-earning parent in terms of distributions of labor.

FTFY

Home economics (finding good deals on groceries, cooking from scratch, maintaining a vegetable garden, mending clothes so they last longer) and avoiding paying a daycare are definitely work.

Indeed. My wife is a SAHM, but I always say that she works as hard as I do. She just doesn't get paid for it.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3183 on: October 01, 2015, 10:05:49 AM »
Indeed. My wife is a SAHM, but I always say that she works as hard as I do. She just doesn't get paid for it.
Same here.  My wife works *way* harder and longer than I do.

LeRainDrop

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3184 on: October 01, 2015, 10:24:04 AM »
I have a friend with good sense.  Today he posted on facebook:  "Good reminder: 'Happiness is not having what you want. It is appreciating what you have.' - Unknown"

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3185 on: October 01, 2015, 10:24:38 AM »
This is what severe entitlement looks like in a female form. You get women who enjoy a standard of living grossly out of proportion to their contribution to the household (when the kids go to school it's easy street).

Most of what you say I agree with, but this? Absolutely not. I would agree that the physical aspect of parenting gets easier once your children go to school, but it's by no means "easy street" as you put it, especially if you have three or more children. Managing childrens' lives, the household, and likely the appointments and other aspects of your spouse's life, in addition to the children, takes time. I don't think you can judge from the outside looking in whether or not it is grossly out of proportion. But the contempt you display above makes me think you are predisposed to judge the situation harshly and not in the favor of the non-working parent in terms of distributions of labor.

Obviously once a couple separates or divorces, everything changes. And the broader point is that the arrangement that was in place pre-split should never be assumed to continue. The SAHP is very, very likely going to need to re-enter the workforce.

I'm speaking from personal experience. At age fifteen I was a nanny to a seven-year-old and five-year-old twins (Absentee parents... the poor kids.) Presently, I'm a single parent of a special needs teenager, whom I'm in the process of adopting out of foster care.

I guarantee that even attachment-parenting a special needs teen who has spent more than half of her life in the foster care system requires less effort than my job. Even with all the extra time I spend tutoring, teaching, cooking and cleaning, and taking her to medical and other appointments, on *top* of the existing housework and garden work, it's still not a full-time activity. My day job is far more strenuous and challenging, and it also requires ongoing investment in my skills and credentials, much of which has to occur outside work hours. It's also far more interesting and rewarding than parenting, which I have found to be pretty much constant cleaning, driving, and tantrum management.

Stay-at-home parents of babies and toddlers have it rough. That's not just full-time work: it's more. And, it's nasty work, chiefly because there's no escape and no relief, with not one iota of up-side or positive experience for the person doing it. Compared to that relentless horror, everyone else has it good.

It's rare for a person who is not FIRE to have all his or her material needs provided by someone else, in exchange for less than full-time effort. While I don't fault families who set their arrangement up that way because every family optimizes and does what makes sense for the family as a whole, for most homemakers with only older kids there is seldom any other way to enjoy a comparable standard of living in exchange for the number of hours they're actually putting in. That's not just a value statement on my part; it's a characteristic of the job market. The reality check happens when/if a longtime homemaker tries to re-enter the work force after many years away, and it isn't a fair or pretty situation.
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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3186 on: October 01, 2015, 10:51:44 AM »
This is what severe entitlement looks like in a female form. You get women who enjoy a standard of living grossly out of proportion to their contribution to the household (when the kids go to school it's easy street).

Most of
But the contempt you display above makes me think you are predisposed to judge the situation harshly and not in the favor of the non-earning parent in terms of distributions of labor.

FTFY

Home economics (finding good deals on groceries, cooking from scratch, maintaining a vegetable garden, mending clothes so they last longer) and avoiding paying a daycare are definitely work.

They're also a type of Mustachian work that never occurs in a spendypants household, which is where entitled bimbos or himbos act out their Martha Stewart fantasies.

That friend I described, for example, would never have a garden. It was too messy, it would ruin the landscaping, and it was easier to buy food from Whole Paycheck. Similarly, she'd throw out or donate designer clothing as soon as it started to show wear. Mending was out of the question. Perhaps she was secretly from House Greyjoy: she did not sew. Although she cooked, she also regularly ordered take-out. Nice person, but not frugal at all.

Interestingly, "avoiding paying a daycare" is the only kind of work that has anything to do with being a parent. All the other activities you list are a Mustachian norm for unmarried people who work outside the home too: my more frugal friends and I have always done these things.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2015, 01:00:10 PM by TheGrimSqueaker »
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maco

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3187 on: October 01, 2015, 11:16:13 AM »
This is what severe entitlement looks like in a female form. You get women who enjoy a standard of living grossly out of proportion to their contribution to the household (when the kids go to school it's easy street).

Most of
But the contempt you display above makes me think you are predisposed to judge the situation harshly and not in the favor of the non-earning parent in terms of distributions of labor.

FTFY

Home economics (finding good deals on groceries, cooking from scratch, maintaining a vegetable garden, mending clothes so they last longer) and avoiding paying a daycare are definitely work.

They're also a type of Mustachian work that never occurs in a spendypants household, which is where entitled bimbos or himbos act out their Martha Stewart fantasies.

That friend I described, for example, would never have a garden. It was too messy, it would ruin the landscaping, and it was easier to buy food from Whole Paycheck. Similarly, she'd throw out or donate designer clothing as soon as it started to show wear. Mending was out of the question. Perhaps she was secretly from House Greyjoy: she did not sew. Although she cooked, she also regularly ordered take-out. Nice person, but not frugal at all.

Interestingly, "avoiding paying a daycare" is the only kind of work that has anything to do with being a parent. All the other activities you list are a Mustachian norm for unmarried people who work outside the home too: my more frugal friends and I have always done these things.

There's an awful lot *more* of those things to do when you have a handful of kids than when it's just you, though. When you have 2-3 kids, you don't tend to have a week's worth of leftovers from one evening of cooking. Kids grow so fast, you have to let down hems on all the pants and skirts 6mo after you buy them, and kids wear through the knees in their pants at a startling rate.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2015, 12:44:38 PM by maco »

meg_shannon

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3188 on: October 01, 2015, 11:19:00 AM »
Not a human right, but a cultural norm. I currently live in Eastern Germany and you can't get free tap water (and the tap water is fine to drink). If you ask for it they'll just tell you no and offer bottled water. When you eat out you pay for a beverage, just like the food. OTOH, beer is the same price as the water.

I thought Germany was big on environmentalism O_o

It all gets recycled. Only about 20% of the waste stream in Germany actually ends up in the landfill, they have one of the highest recycling rates. Also, this is Eastern Germany, you can get free tap water in Western Germany. The country still has a lot of cultural differences between East, West, and Bavaria, which people here almost consider a different country.

It's less about the bottled water, and more that you don't get free stuff at a restaurant.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3189 on: October 01, 2015, 11:40:12 AM »
I am not a cog. I am an organizational lubricant.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3190 on: October 01, 2015, 11:56:42 AM »

It all gets recycled. Only about 20% of the waste stream in Germany actually ends up in the landfill, they have one of the highest recycling rates. Also, this is Eastern Germany, you can get free tap water in Western Germany. The country still has a lot of cultural differences between East, West, and Bavaria, which people here almost consider a different country.

It's less about the bottled water, and more that you don't get free stuff at a restaurant.
While recycling is better than trash, not using is the best. (Remember- reduce, reuse, recycle. Recycle is NOT the first there for a reason.)

I'd rather be charged for a glass of drinkable tap water than get bottled water.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3191 on: October 01, 2015, 12:10:38 PM »

It all gets recycled. Only about 20% of the waste stream in Germany actually ends up in the landfill, they have one of the highest recycling rates. Also, this is Eastern Germany, you can get free tap water in Western Germany. The country still has a lot of cultural differences between East, West, and Bavaria, which people here almost consider a different country.

It's less about the bottled water, and more that you don't get free stuff at a restaurant.
While recycling is better than trash, not using is the best. (Remember- reduce, reuse, recycle. Recycle is NOT the first there for a reason.)

I'd rather be charged for a glass of drinkable tap water than get bottled water.

Wasn't there a scandal about a decade ago in Germany when it was discovered that many of the "green point" recycled items were just being shipped overseas to poorer countries and dumped?

iowajes

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3192 on: October 01, 2015, 12:44:54 PM »
I have a friend with good sense.  Today he posted on facebook:  "Good reminder: 'Happiness is not having what you want. It is appreciating what you have.' - Unknown"

The one I saw today that I really liked was "Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life"

(which was not a pro-baby message, but on typing it, it sounds that way!)

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3193 on: October 01, 2015, 12:45:29 PM »
*failed quote tags*

*failed quote tags

Get your shit together, kids. ;)
Fixed! Grimspeaker hadn't closed a quote tag, and then I quoted it with their broken quote tag still inside it

zephyr911

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3194 on: October 01, 2015, 12:47:44 PM »
While recycling is better than trash, not using is the best. (Remember- reduce, reuse, recycle. Recycle is NOT the first there for a reason.)

I'd rather be charged for a glass of drinkable tap water than get bottled water.

What? What's next? Let me guess... you're gonna tell me that melting all that shit down, forming it, coolling it, and shipping it to and from the plant, all takes energy... and water?
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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3195 on: October 01, 2015, 12:57:48 PM »
There's an awful lot *more* of those things to do when you have a handful of kids than when it's just you, though. When you have 2-3 kids, you don't tend to have a week's worth of leftovers from one evening of cooking. Kids grow so fast, you have to let down hems on all the pants and skirts 6mo after you buy them, and kids wear through the knees in their pants at a startling rate.

Some of the volunteer work I do involves tailoring, so I do feel your pain. Have you tried preventive patching? I like to iron in a patch on the inside of a pantleg, and blind stitch it into place if necessary, once the pants are broken in but before there's much wear. After the second washing is good. This actually reduces friction on the fibers on the part of the knee that gets worn through, so it takes much longer for the hole to appear, and the patch is invisible from the outside.

When the kids are babies and toddlers, the work is brutal and I'll never suggest otherwise. Yet, school-aged kids are capable of helping in the home and garden. They also develop some self cleaning skills that improve over time. My teenager likes to cook, for example, and she can competently clean and wash dishes. Once we were in school, my mom practically sprinted for work outside the home. It wasn't that they needed the money. There was no longer enough for her to do in the empty house, and I think the solitude was getting to her.

A week's worth of leftovers sounds like too much for me to make on purpose no matter how many I'm cooking for, unless I'm freezing casseroles or canning.
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maco

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3196 on: October 01, 2015, 01:18:18 PM »
There's an awful lot *more* of those things to do when you have a handful of kids than when it's just you, though. When you have 2-3 kids, you don't tend to have a week's worth of leftovers from one evening of cooking. Kids grow so fast, you have to let down hems on all the pants and skirts 6mo after you buy them, and kids wear through the knees in their pants at a startling rate.

Some of the volunteer work I do involves tailoring, so I do feel your pain.
Oh, I'm not a parent. I'm just saying that kids have a way of seriously multiplying the amount of work to be done, especially when you're trying to be frugal and not just keep buying new clothes for the little destruction machines.

Quote
A week's worth of leftovers sounds like too much for me to make on purpose no matter how many I'm cooking for, unless I'm freezing casseroles or canning.
A pot of chili, for just my husband and I, tends to cover from Monday to Friday.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3197 on: October 01, 2015, 01:20:54 PM »
The country still has a lot of cultural differences between East, West, and Bavaria, which people here almost consider a different country.

I've heard it said that Munich is the northernmost italian city.  True or false?  ;)


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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3198 on: October 01, 2015, 01:46:31 PM »
A girl on FB started selling Younique make-up a while back. She was posting like 5 times a day about it at first but then it seemed to slow down. Well she's back at it! But she doesn't want to just sell stuff from her page, now she wants to sell it on yours too! Lol

"Okay my awesome FB friends!! I need your help!!! With your permission, I would like to post on your wall. You may not be interested in the product or earning financial freedom but maybe someone you know would like the opportunity at one of the two! Anyone who allows me to post on their wall will be put into a draw for a Younique Make up bag! So with your permission for me to post on your wall just comment with a YES below!!! I will put everyone’s name in the draw and will announce a winner on Wednesday night! Ready….set…goooo!!!"

How does selling overpriced make-up equal financial freedom? Hahaha

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #3199 on: October 01, 2015, 02:10:32 PM »
A girl on FB started selling Younique make-up a while back. She was posting like 5 times a day about it at first but then it seemed to slow down. Well she's back at it! But she doesn't want to just sell stuff from her page, now she wants to sell it on yours too! Lol


I like this. Oftentimes people doing MLM get thousands of likes by their friends, who egg them on (imo). This time, they are asked to do something. I wonder how they will respond.