Author Topic: Overheard on Facebook  (Read 1896961 times)

Zikoris

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1700 on: February 23, 2015, 08:08:50 AM »
Oh, my God.  No, seriously. OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I don't post on FB that often--I mostly use it to play games--but the other day I posted a little about the abnormally cold weather that's been around here lately.  "You have to see it to believe it," I wrote.

Today I got a response back from my oldest niece, who is 26:

"hi wuts YOU do u mean u just askin"

She's 26, has three kids and wants to homeschool them when they get of age.

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE STUPIDITY ABOUT TO BE UNLEASHED.

I had to read that half a dozen times to even figure out wtf she was saying.

Can you enlighten us? I still can't decipher it.
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dandarc

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1701 on: February 23, 2015, 08:19:52 AM »
Oh, my God.  No, seriously. OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I don't post on FB that often--I mostly use it to play games--but the other day I posted a little about the abnormally cold weather that's been around here lately.  "You have to see it to believe it," I wrote.

Today I got a response back from my oldest niece, who is 26:

"hi wuts YOU do u mean u just askin"

She's 26, has three kids and wants to homeschool them when they get of age.

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE STUPIDITY ABOUT TO BE UNLEASHED.

I had to read that half a dozen times to even figure out wtf she was saying.

Can you enlighten us? I still can't decipher it.
After much thought here's what I"ve got:  What is "YOU?"  Do you mean "u?"  Just Asking.
Link to my journal, so I can find it quickly - http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/dandarc's-journal/

zephyr911

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1702 on: February 23, 2015, 08:51:12 AM »
I know someone who has access to unlimited overtime at a pretty good rate. His wife works 1.5 hours away for 4 hours a day at min wage. I ask him why doesnt he just work a few hours overtime and she can stay home and take care of the kid, cook, and stuff. He works zero overtime

The reasons 1. They need the money (broke me on that one) 2. Taxes will be too much and he wont see any overtime 3. Why should she get to stay home all day and him do all the work.
Sweet JFC, I am now dumber for having read that. All he has to do is reduce withholding by adding a few exemptions.
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johnny847

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1703 on: February 23, 2015, 09:47:47 AM »
I know someone who has access to unlimited overtime at a pretty good rate. His wife works 1.5 hours away for 4 hours a day at min wage. I ask him why doesnt he just work a few hours overtime and she can stay home and take care of the kid, cook, and stuff. He works zero overtime

The reasons 1. They need the money (broke me on that one) 2. Taxes will be too much and he wont see any overtime 3. Why should she get to stay home all day and him do all the work.
Sweet JFC, I am now dumber for having read that. All he has to do is reduce withholding by adding a few exemptions.
He doesn't even technically need to do that, as he will get a refund for the proper amount come tax season. Of course, if he wants his money during the year, then yes, he will have to add a few allowances (the correct term is allowances, not exemptions. Exemptions are worth $4000 in 2015 on your tax return, and you get one for every adult and child on your tax return, barring a few exceptions).

KCM5

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1704 on: February 23, 2015, 10:14:16 AM »

Fashion bloggers' husbands are notoriously stupid.  There's a website called Get Off My Internets that lives to snark about bloggers.  It's hilarious.

My two favorite websites collide! Amazing.

And yes, Get Off My Internets is hilarious.

MandalayVA

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1705 on: February 23, 2015, 11:25:35 AM »
Oh, my God.  No, seriously. OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I don't post on FB that often--I mostly use it to play games--but the other day I posted a little about the abnormally cold weather that's been around here lately.  "You have to see it to believe it," I wrote.

Today I got a response back from my oldest niece, who is 26:

"hi wuts YOU do u mean u just askin"

She's 26, has three kids and wants to homeschool them when they get of age.

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE STUPIDITY ABOUT TO BE UNLEASHED.

I had to read that half a dozen times to even figure out wtf she was saying.

Can you enlighten us? I still can't decipher it.
After much thought here's what I"ve got:  What is "YOU?"  Do you mean "u?"  Just Asking.

Dandarc got it.  To be honest, I'm not quite certain that she's not, ahem, special.  If she didn't look so much like us I would think this was a "swapped at birth" thing.  My brother has asked Niece's mom, my oldest sister, how often Niece was dropped on her head as a baby in dead seriousness.  How this girl graduated from high school is one of the great mysteries of life.  She's just flat out DUMB.  But of course she's the one popping out the most kids ...
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dandarc

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1706 on: February 23, 2015, 11:29:19 AM »
To be honest, I'm not quite certain that she's not, ahem, special.  If she didn't look so much like us I would think this was a "swapped at birth" thing.  My brother has asked Niece's mom, my oldest sister, how often Niece was dropped on her head as a baby in dead seriousness.  How this girl graduated from high school is one of the great mysteries of life.  She's just flat out DUMB.  But of course she's the one popping out the most kids ...
So Idiocracy in action.  Lucky for the world reversion to the mean is a thing.
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Kmp2

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1707 on: February 23, 2015, 01:13:38 PM »
I almost forgot to put this here...

a brand new 1.5k circle cut diamond ring to replace a engagement ring... as a valentines gift. They've been married less than 10 years.. this is no renewal of vows ring @ 25/40/50 years anniversary! Which at least I might be able to wrap my head around.

I so can not relate.


<edit> the k means carat... not 1500

It's more like a 20,000$ ring...
« Last Edit: February 23, 2015, 01:29:31 PM by Kmp2 »

vivophoenix

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1708 on: February 23, 2015, 01:21:57 PM »
I almost forgot to put this here...

a brand new 1.5k circle cut diamond ring to replace a engagement ring... as a valentines gift. They've been married less than 10 years.. this is no renewal of vows ring @ 25/40/50 years anniversary! Which at least I might be able to wrap my head around.

I so can not relate.

its kinda hard to mock someone just for  buying their loved one a piece of jewelry for less than 2k.

does he complain about not being able to afford food?

Kmp2

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1709 on: February 23, 2015, 01:30:22 PM »
I almost forgot to put this here...

a brand new 1.5k circle cut diamond ring to replace a engagement ring... as a valentines gift. They've been married less than 10 years.. this is no renewal of vows ring @ 25/40/50 years anniversary! Which at least I might be able to wrap my head around.

I so can not relate.

its kinda hard to mock someone just for  buying their loved one a piece of jewelry for less than 2k.

does he complain about not being able to afford food?

sorry - my bad, I obviously don't have this diamond shorthand figured out :)
it's actually a 1.5 carat diamond... and a best guess about 20k dollars.

FrozenBits

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1710 on: February 23, 2015, 01:34:33 PM »
I almost forgot to put this here...

a brand new 1.5k circle cut diamond ring to replace a engagement ring... as a valentines gift. They've been married less than 10 years.. this is no renewal of vows ring @ 25/40/50 years anniversary! Which at least I might be able to wrap my head around.

I so can not relate.


<edit> the k means carat... not 1500

It's more like a 20,000$ ring...


Pshh 20 grand is chump change! :P

Seriously though, that would be like working 6 months to show my wife I love her.... I'd rather spend 6 months with her in Europe or something crazy like that.  I know she would enjoy that much more than a diamond...

straycat

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1711 on: February 23, 2015, 02:03:32 PM »
I grew up with a family of four girls down the street and one was the same age as us so we were best friends. Her older sister was always super popular, had the neatest, newest stuff etc. Well now I see it with different eyes as an adult. She is married, has 2 kids and is apparently in debt she hides from her husband. She doesn't just buy name brands, she buys HIGH FASHION brands. Like "Coach and "Kate Spade" are for poor people, she thinks. She even started a blog about it at mydarlinglife.com if you want to yell at your screen. Her daughter got an iphone for her NINTH birthday. They go to Florida several times a year (we live in Ontario, Canada). She is grooming her kid to be like her, ordering her clothes from Nordstrom all the time. She posted a photo of the KID in Florida wearing her Ray Bans or something and the caption was "Every 9 year old girl needs her mirrored sunnies!". And I was like "NEEDS"??? hmm. Have had to hold myself back from commenting on SO many of her posts.

I'm originally from close to London, Ontario and my husbands fam is from St. Thomas, Ontario. Looking at that blog I can think of a dozen people in that town who are like this. I don't GET it.

Interesting! I'm from a town half an hour north of London!

vivophoenix

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1712 on: February 23, 2015, 02:11:19 PM »
I almost forgot to put this here...

a brand new 1.5k circle cut diamond ring to replace a engagement ring... as a valentines gift. They've been married less than 10 years.. this is no renewal of vows ring @ 25/40/50 years anniversary! Which at least I might be able to wrap my head around.

I so can not relate.

its kinda hard to mock someone just for  buying their loved one a piece of jewelry for less than 2k.

does he complain about not being able to afford food?

sorry - my bad, I obviously don't have this diamond shorthand figured out :)
it's actually a 1.5 carat diamond... and a best guess about 20k dollars.

this is probably my bad, i see k and think money not carats

$20k is whole other animal.

its funny when people talk about gifts like this. i could see myself  wanting  the cash so i could roll around in it.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1713 on: February 23, 2015, 03:00:30 PM »

this is probably my bad, i see k and think money not carats

$20k is whole other animal.

its funny when people talk about gifts like this. i could see myself  wanting  the cash so i could roll around in it.
I think it should probably have been abbreviated as "1.5ct"

johnintaiwan

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1714 on: February 23, 2015, 05:35:00 PM »
your price on the diamond is way off in my opinion. Carat is only one piece of the puzzle. I have seen 1.5ct diamonds from a little over $500 to over 20K. But those at the highest end are very rare and the price starts to drop off quickly once it is no longer flawless. I am guessing they still paid around 5-10K though for a decent quality one. Still a waste of money in my book

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1715 on: February 23, 2015, 06:02:04 PM »
Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

PMG

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1716 on: February 23, 2015, 06:32:55 PM »
Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

As a single youngish woman...  I don't want a ring.  I would hate being surprised with something during proposal and feel obligated to pretend to like it!  Honestly, my potential fiancé should know me well enough to know that!  I'd definitely recommend discussing it so that both parties have the same expectations.  I just don't wear rings or much other jewelry for that matter.  It makes my skin feel weird. If it's expensive I'm always afraid I'll lose it. I also don't like the concept of being marked as belonging to someone!  I could perhaps be convinced to get simple matching wedding bands, but we would have to be in accord and not have feelings hurt if I rarely wore it.

I want to save that ring money and travel! 

« Last Edit: February 23, 2015, 06:35:10 PM by PMG »

Elliot

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1717 on: February 23, 2015, 06:35:49 PM »
First, I haven't found many women who enjoy being called "females," which is a completely unsolicited anecdote, but take it or leave it.

As for your question, the kind of ring each woman will want (what gem, what size, what style, if she prioritizes size or quality, or even wants a ring at all) will vary greatly based on the woman in question. Ideally, by the time you plan to propose you will know and understand your future bride well enough to know what styles she gravitates toward, or you'll be in a relationship that's comfortable and mature enough to allow the two of you to have frank discussions about the topic.

gimp

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1718 on: February 23, 2015, 06:46:57 PM »
If you're gonna buy a ring for a lady, you should know damn well what the lady wants. If you don't, you shouldn't be buying the ring. Subtle conversations are a good thing to have if you want it to be a semi-surprise.

Practically speaking, every girl wants something different. Some want a big diamond (mined, created, or no preference), others a big nice rock (eg, sapphire/ruby or emerald), others different rocks. Some want a brand new ring, some vintage, some don't care. Some want little rocks, some no rocks, some don't give a fuck, some want a $20 ring and a vacation, some like their hair pulled and some don't... you get the idea, yes?

There are lots of ways to go frugal without being cheap, but they depend on the lady in question.

caliq

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1719 on: February 23, 2015, 06:55:08 PM »
First, I haven't found many women who enjoy being called "females," which is a completely unsolicited anecdote, but take it or leave it.

As for your question, the kind of ring each woman will want (what gem, what size, what style, if she prioritizes size or quality, or even wants a ring at all) will vary greatly based on the woman in question. Ideally, by the time you plan to propose you will know and understand your future bride well enough to know what styles she gravitates toward, or you'll be in a relationship that's comfortable and mature enough to allow the two of you to have frank discussions about the topic.

+1

'Females' is so weird.  It makes me feel like I'm reading a journal article.

If you don't know your SO well enough to know what kind of ring she would prefer, you don't know her well enough to be proposing in the first place.

My anecdote, as a 23 year old newlywed woman:

I was never 'engaged.'  DH bought a house I chose about six months before we got married (we had lived together for 9 months or so before that), and we'd both been very aware and upfront about the idea that marriage was the eventual destination.  I had been wavering about the idea of a big wedding (gah so much stress!) vs. just eloping or having something small with immediate family or whatever.  He woke up one morning and said 'let's get married today' and then we went down to the town hall and got the license, called an officiant, and went to a jewelry store where I picked out a $400 ring -- it's a pearl flanked by two teeny tiny diamonds.  It looks exactly like a cheap fake ring I had loved but unfortunately lost and I loved it (still love it!).  We got married that evening in our living room with just our puppy witnessing :)  A couple months later we did spend a chunk of savings on a diamond 'engagement' and wedding band set (both rings have multiple diamonds), at which time we got his ring too.  All three rings were ~8k total IIRC.  Horribly antimustachian and pre-MMM for us -- if I could go back, I wouldn't spend anywhere near that amount.  But, hate to say it, I really love these rings and of course, selling them won't get us back anywhere near the amount we spent.  I would have been totally happy with the pearl ring, and am totally happy with these rings, and would have married him without any rings at all. 

Pooperman

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1720 on: February 23, 2015, 07:00:29 PM »
Pitagirl (now fiancé) received the ring she wanted: white gold with a sapphire and tiny diamonds. It was totally not expensive at all and looks awesome. $300.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1721 on: February 23, 2015, 07:01:54 PM »
"Females" doesn't bother me as much when it's paired with "males" (which it was). When it's "men and females" it annoys me greatly.

+1 on the "know your fiancee enough to know what she wants and what you want".

galliver

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1722 on: February 23, 2015, 07:14:31 PM »
Ditto "it depends on the lady," from another young woman headed that direction.

But I'll also add that relationships are give and take...so I hope any of my fellow women who don't really want rings...would still accept one if it was an important symbol to their SO. Maybe with the stipulation that it might not be worn, or not worn on the finger. Like many things in a relationship, it's a compromise. 

fantabulous

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1723 on: February 23, 2015, 08:54:51 PM »
Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

For me? A nice order of onion rings.

10dollarsatatime

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1724 on: February 23, 2015, 10:36:49 PM »
For me... either a nice carbon fiber band (because they shatter when they get smashed, as opposed to just crimping on your finger... I work in one of those occupations), or a silver or white gold band, possibly with an engraved pattern.  I don't want a rock.  I'd just catch it on things or lose it.

Adventine

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1725 on: February 24, 2015, 12:40:04 AM »
I would love it if someone proposed with me not with an expensive piece of jewelry I'll never wear, but with a piece of paper with his updated net worth and/of investment account information. His proposal would sound something like this: "I love you and I trust you more than anyone else in this world. I'd like to build a future with you, and on this paper are the numbers that prove how committed I am to making that happen."

/swoon
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iowajes

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1726 on: February 24, 2015, 07:44:14 AM »
Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

As others have said, this is totally going to depend on the person.  I would have hated a big ol' ring.  But I do like the reasonable size ring my husband picked for me.  And we talked a lot about what kind of diamond I wanted (square cut), as well as whether or not we wanted to get married.  If he proposed out of the blue, and we hadn't talked about getting married- I would not have been amused.  It was a mutual decision, though I didn't know exactly when he was going to officially ask.

Megma

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1727 on: February 24, 2015, 07:47:12 AM »
My SO and I are also headed in this direction. Apparently (from talking to him) menfolk feel a lot of pressure to buy a giant, surprise ring when proposing, which frankly surprised me that he thought this would be at all necessary knowing me (though I do have a very blinged out mom who has given me some serious bling I occasionally wear). He now knows this because we TALKED about it.

I told him in no uncertain terms to try and buy me a ring, I will probably hate it and want return it immediately. I do want a ring but I don't expect him to magically know what I will want to wear for the next 60 years, that is an insane expectation IMO. However, many other women would want the ring at the proposal!

You will have to talk to your future wife about it, maybe you will meet a mustaschian lady? good luck!
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codemonkey

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1728 on: February 24, 2015, 07:55:11 AM »
My wife had a cooking class recently with a group of women.  When they were done, one lady was "helping" clean up and threw the leftover food away - in the trash!  She wrapped it up in napkins and tossed it.  My wife dug it out when they left...  when I say leftovers, I dont mean what was on peoples plates - this was fresh stuff no one put on a plate yet.

Now to the FB part.  I thought maybe it was a fluke, but nope, this same person posted the following:

"Last night I made lasagna for dinner, but after assembling it all, I had some ingredients left over.  So, I decided to make lasagna rolls.  I had never made them before.  They turned out delicious and the kids LOVED them!  Plus, since I ended up using all of the extra ingredients, I ended up with enough leftovers for us to have another dinner this week since the hubby is out of town.  Success!  I am going to start using all of my extra ingredients from now on rather than tossing them out."

She normally throws away enough food for two more meals! ?

My mother-in-law is staying with us for a few days, and she was helping clean up after dinner last night.  While my wife and I were distracted taking care of the kids, she threw away a bunch of food that was still on serving plates.  We never throw food away, even if it's already been served, and my wife was quite upset.  Unfortunately the food was in with dirty diapers, so we just let it go.

My MIL has commented before that her and her husband do not eat leftovers, even when they take them home from restaurants, which happens 3-5 times a week.  I guess there's a reason she's still working at 58 and will be for some time.  She's concerned about them losing their house, she's cosigned on my sister-in-laws 100k+ of student loans which may all be coming back to her to pay, and she straight up said that she'd rather not budget because it's less stressful than actually knowing where her money is going.

Mind blown.

zephyr911

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1729 on: February 24, 2015, 08:07:44 AM »
Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.
By the time you propose, several things should have happened.
1) You should basically know that she wants to marry you. Really. Popping the question, in the sense of raising the subject for the first time, especially in a public place with a big ring, is fairy-tale movie shit. And I do mean shit. Communication is key to successful relationships and making a major purchase without knowing her stance on merging fortunes is just stupid. She may not be ready, or she may say yes because of all the pressure that type of situation creates (edit: and change her mind after thinking it through).
2) You should have a very good idea of her values and priorities - and they should be very similar if not identical to yours!
3) Building on #2, you should have already had enough conversations about money to know how she feels about an expensive ring. And if her feelings on the subject aren't the same as yours, maybe you shouldn't get married.

I was prepared to spend a decent amount of money on a ring - nowhere near the bullshit marketing-ploy "rule of thumb" 2 months salary, as I didn't have that much cash and all the options in that range were hideously gaudy, but maybe a couple grand for something she really liked. She suggested that we spend the money on a better honeymoon instead. We paid about $40 a piece for some cool rings - and $4K to spend a week with her family in Argentina and five days in the Brazilian rain forest. No regrets, ever.

Above all else - do NOT drop a shit-ton of coin trying to impress a woman who may or may not want you to, and may or may not be evaluating your suitability as a mate based on your adherence to a social "standard" manufactured by diamond companies to increase sales of diamonds. Talk to her, understand her views of things, and make an informed decision based on complete information.
« Last Edit: February 24, 2015, 01:17:45 PM by zephyr911 »
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intirb

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1730 on: February 24, 2015, 01:02:28 PM »
Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

I hear that female cats don't care much for diamonds..

In all seriousness though, you should approach this decision the same way you intend to approach all relatively large decisions that will affect both of you in your marriage.  Do you want to have a marriage where you surprise her with a solution and her only input is you guessing what she wants or hints from friends?  Do you want to have a marriage where you drop hints, and she drops hints, and you both are sensitive enough to each other that you tacitly come to an agreement?  Do you want to have a marriage where you both avoid talking about the issue until you're both enjoying a few glasses of wine one day and then one of you cracks and lets it slip and then you shout past each other and argue until, a few glasses later, you reconcile and come to some generous and loving and alcohol-fueled agreement?

When you're at the point when you're considering rings, you should be at the point when you've both thought long and hard about and discussed what your marriage will be like.  Don't lose sight of the marriage when you're thinking about the proposal - this is an opportunity to show her that you're committed to making the process of marriage work. 

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1731 on: February 24, 2015, 01:14:32 PM »
Thank you everyone for your advice.

cavewoman

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1732 on: February 24, 2015, 01:25:44 PM »
I grew up with a family of four girls down the street and one was the same age as us so we were best friends. Her older sister was always super popular, had the neatest, newest stuff etc. Well now I see it with different eyes as an adult. She is married, has 2 kids and is apparently in debt she hides from her husband. She doesn't just buy name brands, she buys HIGH FASHION brands. Like "Coach and "Kate Spade" are for poor people, she thinks. She even started a blog about it at mydarlinglife.com if you want to yell at your screen. Her daughter got an iphone for her NINTH birthday. They go to Florida several times a year (we live in Ontario, Canada). She is grooming her kid to be like her, ordering her clothes from Nordstrom all the time. She posted a photo of the KID in Florida wearing her Ray Bans or something and the caption was "Every 9 year old girl needs her mirrored sunnies!". And I was like "NEEDS"??? hmm. Have had to hold myself back from commenting on SO many of her posts.

I visited the site, although I regret adding traffic to her site. 

She also has a stylist and pays for the pictures she has on her blog.  At first I thought "hey, maybe the blog is a small stream of income" but it sounds like the production costs even more than the clothes and accessories she's "DYING" over.
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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1733 on: February 24, 2015, 01:59:53 PM »
I would love it if someone proposed with me not with an expensive piece of jewelry I'll never wear, but with a piece of paper with his updated net worth and/of investment account information. His proposal would sound something like this: "I love you and I trust you more than anyone else in this world. I'd like to build a future with you, and on this paper are the numbers that prove how committed I am to making that happen."

/swoon
/Mustachian daydream

This sorta reminds me of this furnace commercial I saw a long time ago. Two kinda gruff looking guys. First guy says he finally popped the question. Second guy says, "Did you get her a ring?" First guy: "No, something better." And he unfolds a picture of a furnace. Second guy shakes his head or looks dubious or something, and first guy says something like, "What?! I'm making a commitment here!"

I realize this is supposed to be a comical riff on the trope that men don't really understand romance or something, but I actually found it really romantic. He wants to make sure she's warm and cozy and he's a sensible and practical person who plans for the future! **swoon**

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1734 on: February 24, 2015, 02:03:53 PM »
What exactly is the point of proposing after you've had an extensive conversation over a good length of time about your deserve to marry and your expectations from marriage? I don't get it.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1735 on: February 24, 2015, 02:16:58 PM »
What exactly is the point of proposing after you've had an extensive conversation over a good length of time about your deserve to marry and your expectations from marriage? I don't get it.
You bring up a very good point.
Why indeed?
I never bothered, and here we are after two years married, four years together in total, happy as shit.
As far as I'm concerned, establishing clearly understood mutual expectations is far more important than identifying a specific point in time to make an awkwardly theatrical request. And if by some misfortune I ever end up single again, I will err even more on the side of lengthy discussions of expectations before asking. I feel more convinced every day that it was the right approach.
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gimp

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1736 on: February 24, 2015, 02:17:09 PM »
Because you get to make an event for a nice memory to last you the rest of your lifetime? Seems like fun. And also because it's expected, and most people look forward to one.

It's not for you - fine! Don't do it then. Some people just look up one day and say "Hey, we should get married" and that's that. That's great for them too.

Tallgirl1204

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1737 on: February 24, 2015, 02:22:41 PM »
"I would have been totally happy with the pearl ring, and am totally happy with these rings, and would have married him without any rings at all."

This.  This.  This. 

The rings aren't the marriage.  The marriage is the marriage.  thanks. 

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1738 on: February 24, 2015, 02:26:48 PM »
What exactly is the point of proposing after you've had an extensive conversation over a good length of time about your deserve to marry and your expectations from marriage? I don't get it.

Some women (and men) really need the experience, be it simple or fancy. Plus, it's often culturally expected.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1739 on: February 24, 2015, 02:50:52 PM »
Some women (and men) really need the experience, be it simple or fancy. Plus, it's often culturally expected.
This is a place for those who defy cultural expectation. By all means, I support anyone who wants to do it that way. I just categorically reject the idea of doing it because of something that boils down to inertia.
Because you get to make an event for a nice memory to last you the rest of your lifetime? Seems like fun. And also because it's expected, and most people look forward to one.

It's not for you - fine! Don't do it then. Some people just look up one day and say "Hey, we should get married" and that's that. That's great for them too.
We did neither of those things. I honestly can't identify a single point at which I went from not knowing to knowing. We just gradually progressed from jokes and hilarity to more serious conversations, to analyzing our own goals and values, to talking about when and how we were going to make it official.

As far as nice memories go, we have more than I can even keep track of - the first time we met each other's families, and all the other times since; our wedding, where we crashed a New Year's party and had an ordained friend pronounce us during the countdown to 2013; our honeymoon in the sweltering rainforest; our first meeting in NYC; all our cross-country trips to see each other while one or the other was traveling. Getting on one knee to ask something I already knew wouldn't make our story any more complete. And (back to my central point) getting on one knee before knowing just seems anachronistic and reckless to me anymore.
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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1740 on: February 24, 2015, 03:32:49 PM »
Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

I hear that female cats don't care much for diamonds..


They prefer to be called felines, actually.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1741 on: February 24, 2015, 03:35:53 PM »
Femalines?

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1742 on: February 25, 2015, 06:17:46 AM »
It's not for you - fine! Don't do it then. Some people just look up one day and say "Hey, we should get married" and that's that. That's great for them too.
I wasn't asking as a veiled way of saying you all shouldn't be doing it. I'm legitimately trying to understand. If we all seem to agree that it's reckless and not super healthy for the relationship for the guy to propose without the couple first talking about it, it strikes me as strange that many think the next step is to pretend that important conversation never happened and the whole thing is unexpected.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1743 on: February 25, 2015, 07:22:00 AM »
What exactly is the point of proposing after you've had an extensive conversation over a good length of time about your deserve to marry and your expectations from marriage? I don't get it.

Ceremonial really.  Same reason people like to have a fancy wedding instead of just a priest or JP and a person to sign the certificate as a witness while standing there in blue jeans and flip-flops.
My proposal wasn't fancy, didn't cost him anything (after the ring)- but it was still a surprise to me when he'd actually ask officially.  I also didn't pick out my ring, though he had an idea of what I wanted. Quite honestly, the expectation he'd ask me was just as strong with him.  If he'd been the type of guy to put a twist tie around my finger and call us engaged, I would have been okay with it- he was at that time more traditional than me.


One day (about 3 months before he proposed- but we about 100 miles away from each other the first 3 years we dated so that wasn't surprising that he waited a bit for a good moment) he told me "I bought a ring, if you can find it, we can get engaged.  I looked in a few places, laughed and said I'd wait until he was ready.  Turns out he had lifted his dresser and put it under it.   

For us though, when we got engaged didn't really matter as we had a time frame on the wedding- I had to graduate college first.  So just saying "let's get married" and doing it wasn't an option really.  So the whole "put a ring on it" kind of made it official for the last year we dated, especially since he lived a thousand miles away once he graduated and the Air Force moved him.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2015, 07:23:56 AM by iowajes »

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1744 on: February 25, 2015, 10:48:18 AM »
Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

I agree that the lady in question is the one you really need to consult on this... I never know what to say when friends post photos of their engagement rings on facebook! Or when they show them to me in person, honestly. What I'm saying internally is, "Jeez, how much did *that* cost, and who had to die or be enslaved for you to get it?" but I don't say that out loud because I don't want to crap on people's happiness. So most of my friends and family probably have no idea.

I remember telling a (male) friend a while ago how I don't like diamond rings and he said, "But if someone gave you one, you'd take it, right?" I guess because you can't take a woman at her word and we're all cagey and just *pretending* not to be gold diggers? Anyway I was like, "Of course I wouldn't take it, why would I accept expensive jewelry from someone who doesn't know me well enough to know I don't want expensive jewelry!" I've been pretty clear with my boyfriend on my feelings about engagement rings (and the whole proposal and engagement process), so I'm reasonably certain that he won't ever be proposing to me from a parade float with a $15,000 ring.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1745 on: February 25, 2015, 11:44:51 AM »
It's not for you - fine! Don't do it then. Some people just look up one day and say "Hey, we should get married" and that's that. That's great for them too.
I wasn't asking as a veiled way of saying you all shouldn't be doing it. I'm legitimately trying to understand. If we all seem to agree that it's reckless and not super healthy for the relationship for the guy to propose without the couple first talking about it, it strikes me as strange that many think the next step is to pretend that important conversation never happened and the whole thing is unexpected.

Ceremonially, I guess. We made the decision to get married long before we were at all ready to enter any "engagement" that other people knew about. We each made our own (private) proposal to the other and it was pretty fun.

RunHappy

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1746 on: February 25, 2015, 11:51:44 AM »
Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

I agree that the lady in question is the one you really need to consult on this... I never know what to say when friends post photos of their engagement rings on facebook! Or when they show them to me in person, honestly. What I'm saying internally is, "Jeez, how much did *that* cost, and who had to die or be enslaved for you to get it?" but I don't say that out loud because I don't want to crap on people's happiness. So most of my friends and family probably have no idea.

I remember telling a (male) friend a while ago how I don't like diamond rings and he said, "But if someone gave you one, you'd take it, right?" I guess because you can't take a woman at her word and we're all cagey and just *pretending* not to be gold diggers? Anyway I was like, "Of course I wouldn't take it, why would I accept expensive jewelry from someone who doesn't know me well enough to know I don't want expensive jewelry!" I've been pretty clear with my boyfriend on my feelings about engagement rings (and the whole proposal and engagement process), so I'm reasonably certain that he won't ever be proposing to me from a parade float with a $15,000 ring.

I would recommend getting the woman's opinion.  My SO went ring shopping before proposing to me.  Luckily for me (and him) he was so overwhelemed by the different rings available that he ended up not buying one! When we went ring shopping together I found out that he wanted to buy a 2 carot solitaire ring!  Waaay too much money and waaay to big for my hand.  We ended up getting a smaller ring, that is still blinged out, but has more pave' detail and a small solitaire.  It also cost a teeny fraction of what he was originally going to spend.  One requirement I have for my rings (which he didn't know about) is I have to be able to put my hands in my pockets without the ring snagging on it and the ring we got fits this requirement perfectly.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1747 on: February 25, 2015, 12:07:42 PM »
A friend of a friend had a fight with his fiance while driving and she threw her engagement ring out he car window.  It cost £4,000 and was not found.  She was a total mental case (and a doctor to boot) but bizarrely he still married her.  No idea how it turned out.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1748 on: February 25, 2015, 01:25:00 PM »
Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

I agree that the lady in question is the one you really need to consult on this... I never know what to say when friends post photos of their engagement rings on facebook! Or when they show them to me in person, honestly. What I'm saying internally is, "Jeez, how much did *that* cost, and who had to die or be enslaved for you to get it?" but I don't say that out loud because I don't want to crap on people's happiness. So most of my friends and family probably have no idea.

I remember telling a (male) friend a while ago how I don't like diamond rings and he said, "But if someone gave you one, you'd take it, right?" I guess because you can't take a woman at her word and we're all cagey and just *pretending* not to be gold diggers? Anyway I was like, "Of course I wouldn't take it, why would I accept expensive jewelry from someone who doesn't know me well enough to know I don't want expensive jewelry!" I've been pretty clear with my boyfriend on my feelings about engagement rings (and the whole proposal and engagement process), so I'm reasonably certain that he won't ever be proposing to me from a parade float with a $15,000 ring.

I would recommend getting the woman's opinion.  My SO went ring shopping before proposing to me.  Luckily for me (and him) he was so overwhelemed by the different rings available that he ended up not buying one! When we went ring shopping together I found out that he wanted to buy a 2 carot solitaire ring!  Waaay too much money and waaay to big for my hand.  We ended up getting a smaller ring, that is still blinged out, but has more pave' detail and a small solitaire.  It also cost a teeny fraction of what he was originally going to spend.  One requirement I have for my rings (which he didn't know about) is I have to be able to put my hands in my pockets without the ring snagging on it and the ring we got fits this requirement perfectly.

Yeah, my SO (now fiance) picked out what she wanted and I got it for her.

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #1749 on: February 25, 2015, 02:02:16 PM »
I'd recommend getting the woman's opinion, as well.  Look, I'm not a diamond gal, and my husband and I have simple matching bands.  But anything I am going to wear and look at 24/7 for the rest of my life, I'm going to want input on.
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