Just came back to work after a 3 week vacation and remembered how much I want to face punch my coworkers....I've counted 5 today
Horribly anti mustachian coworker of my past stories..
Me: Hey how did your ChristmaHaunuakka/New Years go?
CW1: Ugh, it was HORRIBLE
Me: Oh no! What happened? I'm thinking something went wrong with her very ill parents.
CW1: My husband got me a LABEL MAKER for Christmas...A LABEL MAKER!!!! And I spent A THOUSAND DOLLARS on his gifts!!! I was so pissed I went out to West Elm and bought all new bedding (to the tune of like 800 bucks). And to top it all off, we thought his parents were going to get us a new washer/dryer for Christmas because that's what we asked for (mind you they need a custom sized stackable to fit in their space, prices run from 4-8k on the ones she was looking at) and they got us a damn STOCK POT. I DON'T COOK, wtf am I going to do with a HUGE pot?!
Me: *thinking that maybe her Korean Mother in Law was hinting at something* Well, did you tell your husband what you really wanted
CW1: NO!! he should know that by now...didn't your husband get you something AMAZING for Christmas?
Me: No, we didn't do anniversary/bday/Christmas gifts this year (we actually don't really ever do it, or if we do it's like 50 bucks or under)
CW1: WHAT!?!?! how can you NOT want gifts
Me: We decided that instead of gifts we wanted an additional week of vacation, we don't want more "stuff", we have enough "stuff"
CW2: Can you train my wife to think like that....she cost me 2 grand for the earrings she wanted...she only wears earrings like twice a year.
CW3: HA! you got off cheap, mine wanted a new Mercedes, the damn bow alone cost me 300 bucks.
Me: You bought a CAR....without your wife?
CW3: Yea! She TOTALLY loved it
Me: How's she going to love those car payments?
CW3: PSH, she doesn't care, it's not coming out of "her" money since she doesn't really work.
How do these people EXIST!?!?!, and how do they marry each other? On an aside, I asked everyone if we had any announcements about our 401k, they were thinking of switching from our ridiculously priced funds to Vanguard when I left on vacation, I got 2 responses from coworkers that they don't even pay attention to our benefits emails so they weren't sure...