Oh my... where do I even begin? My co-workers are a goldmine. Their stupidity makes me actually enjoy work mostly because I'm spending it guffawing at their expense but oh well.
co-worker 1: I can't afford to pay my rent this month.
me: Oh wow! =( how come? What happened?
cw1: My business partner took out my pay and gambled it away at the casino.
me: Uh..*groan* the one you're in a business partnership with?
me: So what are you going do about it?
cw1: nothing I can't do anything about it.
me: Yes that is technically true, after all your in a partnership (at this point he looks at me blankly while I explain how liability in a partnership works...wtf???) but umm... have you thought about incorporating instead? or maybe not sharing bank accounts and just depositing an agreed upon amount into a shared account instead of depositing your paycheck into his account.
cw1: but he'd never agree to that.
me: Do you have any agreement in place at all?!
cw1: Not really... 'blah blah we need each other to get really rich..'
me: Uh-huh... and look how thats working out for you so far?...so how are going to pay your rent?
At lunchtime we go the store and he buys himself a packet of chips, energy drink and an icecream. His cards get declined twice. The third time he uses a credit card.
Later in the afternoon I find him having a mini meltdown in the office. His business partner sent him a text informing him he had a car crash in cw1's car... cw1's car is new and he hasn't paid it off yet... and then he tells me that he is behind on insurance payments and he recently got a notice in the mail about it. Now he is scrambling to find the money to pay up the insurance so he's covered. He's calling around begging.
Next week I find out his car is being repossessed by the bank because he is behind on car payments too. He says he has really bad credit and he's not sure what he's going to do about getting to and from work... I suggest public transport or biking. He says his business partner has been taking him to and from work but he's not very reliable (and he would never stoop as low as taking the bus). lol... really? you don't say. It was like talking to a domestic abuse victim. The ones that defend the perpetrator.
Then somewhere in between those weeks he was bitching that he hasn't gotten laid in a year and can't get a girlfriend because he has no money... at which I'm laughing ... wondering what he means... and so he explains that he spends up on his girlfriends to make them feel 'special' and how his last girlfriend cost him $2000 before she finally put out and he had to stop spending on her to get her to put out at all and then he found out she had a boyfriend... all to which I replied with... wow it would have been cheaper for you to hire prostitute!... he's not very impressed with me... and said I was unromantic... how romantic it is to be dating a stripper cheating with you on her boyfriend I will never understand. So i will leave it to his more sophisticated mind to enjoy.
another colleague recently asked for help filing bankruptcy papers. Well I wasn't about to just help them file bankruptcy papers without going through the sums with them. So turns out they had a $30,000 credit card, (how in gods name can you get $30,000 on a salary of 42,000 a year? I will never understand, apparently the bank kept sending him invitations to increase his limit and he accepted them buts its not his fault the nig bad nasty bank was out to get him...). He got behind in payments and ignored the notices and now there was a debt collector on him. So I went through the sums with him and it turns out he also has a car loan with about 30,000 and a tax debt and some other debts. In total he has debt of 60000. HOLY f_____ s___. He lives rent free, has no kids, free healthcare.... So I asked him 'How in gods name did you manage to get into this much debt?' and he replies that his ex-girlfriend needed money to pay for a lawyer and she didn't have the money... and so he gave it to her and then she promptly left him for the lawyer.
cw2 lives in a expensive apartment in the city. He had to be interviewed to get a place and he got his 3 cats put down so he could move in because it was strictly no pets.
cw2: rent is so expensive.
me: yes. we are really lucky in that respect. Our rent is only about $8000 a year.
cw2: seriously! that's how much we pay for the lift.
me: oh wow... is it worth it?
at a networking event. This person works in HR and with my partner. She actually asked me this question in earnest... I almost killed myself trying to suppress laughter.
Me: So I'm studying a degree in accounting.
HR: Oh yeah what will you have when your done...
Me: a bachelor of business.. My degree meets CPA/CA certification. I'm not sure if I'll go onto a masters or phd... blah blah.
HR: So... is a degree the same as a bachelor.
Me: Ummm...uhh... okie...wut?
HR: I never figured out the differences between them.
Me: hmm well, i'm not really great at explaining these kinds of things I think my partner would be better at explaining it. I'll go get him.
coworker 3: I have such bad health problems because of my weight. (she is severely obese) I really need to lose weight before my wedding so I'm on this slimblast diet. She explains that she doesn't eat after a certain time of the day and has powder shakes as meal replacements.
Me: (Honestly, I'm thinking replacing real delicious food with shakes sounds like the most horrible idea I've ever heard of...) Are the shakes tasty?
CW3: The chocolate ones are.
Me: Wow at least none of those health problems will be permanent if you lose the weight. Have you ever heard of the paleo diet *its really good blah avocado blah beef jerky* and what are you doing in terms of exercise?
coworker 3: No, but DP tried paleo diet but its too faddy and I exercise enough at work. Too much exercise causes me pain.
Me: Fair enough, you'll be able to exercise better once the weight is off anyway.
Though I can tell the idea of exercise isn't appealing to her much, so I try to encourage her to try doing fun stuff like with her DP so it doesn't feel like exercise like going to the beach or pool for a swim but I don't think I've had much success persuading her.
At lunchtime I'm inwardly horrified to see her eating a whole lot of junk she bought from the store... she feels she needs to explain this to me... and tells me she needs to keep her energy levels up because has reverse diabetes and didn't eat breakfast. Ummm okie but what does that have to do with chips, and an energy drink? I wonder