Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.

[SwordGuy]

My grandmother did this, and wound up disinheriting my cousin after her father died before his Mum.  Siblings and I offered to split our shares to ensure she was covered, but my parent and her other sibling with means decided to cover it out of their shares and never mention it to the disinherited cousin. It would likely break her heart and ruin the memory of our grandmother if she were to find out.

Give them a hug for being such wonderfully nice people.

[SwordGuy]

My mother-in-law passed away in the fall.   She had 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls, one of whom is my wife.

We all dreaded whether the batshit-cray-cray narcissistic other sister was going to show up for the funeral and pull the drama-queen stunts she did for her father's funeral.
So much so that her 3 siblings seriously debated not telling her about the funeral until after it was over.   These are nice people but they've been pushed and pushed into that solid a dislike of their sister over the last 50+ years.

In the end, they told her and, probably not having any money to make the trip, she chose not to come.  I'm sure one of them would have paid for her to come if she had asked even vaguely nicely.  Can't say they were sad about her absence.

So, we've long expected the sister would be a total horse's ass about the will and the distribution of assets.   The first part of the assets were under accounts that had account beneficiaries with set percentages.  So the companies just do it, period, with no one really getting much (if any) of a say otherwise.

There's just one investment account remaining that has not yet been distributed.  Apparently, it's going by the will, not set beneficiaries.  It's supposed to be divided equally into 4 parts.   Should be easy, right?

Well, I would like to say the sister has behaved admirably, but it would be more accurate to state she has performed as expected. 

This is my 3rd hand understanding of what's going on. 

The sister, we'll call her "Judy", is refusing to sign the papers that would cause these funds to be disbursed.  First, she explained she had converted to become a Jew and wouldn't sign any papers her rabbi didn't approve of.   Now she's saying that she was "dad's favourite" and because of that, she should get 100% of this money.  I've suggested we explain to her she might or might not have been "dad's favourite", but dad gave all his money to her mother, his wife, and not her.  And clearly, whether or not she was "mom's favourite," mom chose to divide the money equally.

Now, personally, I think that Judaism gets a bad rap by all the bigots out there, so let's be clear the religion we're really discussing is Judyism. 

And, to be fair, it's important to know that, as far as we could tell, she used to be a member of some religion of the month club.   She would latch onto some religious skeaze who said things she liked and loudly "join" that religion, i.e., spout its BS until she found someone else's BS she liked better.  My personal fave was a preacher out in California who preached that if you did something and you felt good about it, that was God's way of telling you it was the right thing to do.   Boy, howdy, did "Judy" latch onto that doctrine.  Jeffrey Daumer, that serial murderer who killed, dismembered and ate 17 young men (that we know of) could follow that doctrine and like it.  But I digress.

Anyway, the funny thing is that of the 4 siblings, she is the only one who's not financially well off.  Two of the siblings could hand this money - estimated at $150,000 - to the nearest wino stumbling by and it wouldn't affect their finances one whit.  (My wife is one of them.)   The other **wants** the money but doesn't **need** the money.  She, on the other hand, does need it, unless she's found a sugar daddy.

Now, I don't know, but I guess that she's already blown thru the sizeable chunk of money that's already been disbursed.  Time will tell on that.  I would be surprised if she hadn't.

At some point, the executor of the will will get tired of pissing around with her and point out a few obvious points.   1st, the executor gets paid for their time and trouble, and the more trouble she makes, the more they'll end up getting paid.   Since the executor is one of the brother's wives, she'll just be transferring more of her share to one of her brothers with her antics.   And since they were planning on doing the work without getting paid, as a courtesy to their siblings, it will come with a nice price tag.   They can then keep that fee for themselves (the rest of us are JUST FINE with that, or if "Judy" really pisses them off, they'll divide it into 3 parts and divvy it up between "Judy's" two brothers and sister.  And take "Judy" to court over it, the judge will divide the assets according to the will, and "Judy" will pay EVERYONE'S legal expenses.  Since one of the brothers is a lawyer, he could accept that money (the two reasonable siblings are JUST FINE by that) or he can divvy it up into three parts and give everyone but "Judy" their portion.   In other words, THANKS FOR BEING AN ASS THIS TIME, because it's the first time she's ever been an ASS in a way that's benefitted her other family members!

But hey, some people just have to learn the hard way.

It remains to be seen whether she is one of them.

So, apparently whomever my SIL is trusting to give her advice has convinced her that signing the papers
and splitting everything equally in 4 parts is her best option.

My money is on said advisor being a religious leader who has their eye on a to-be-promptly-received sizeable donation.  It would be par for the course.

Of course, we'll probably never know 'cause my wife wants nothing to do with her.

Well, my lovely bride received her portion of the proceeds from the account today.    And the proceeds came at the top of the market, too!  :) 

There's no need to deal with her sister anymore. :)

But maybe her brother will find out how quickly she pisses away the funds and pass the story on.   I'll let y'all know if I find out.

My bet remains on "Getting scammed out of the money by a shyster religious figure."

[iluvzbeach]

Great update @SwordGuy!  Wonders never cease...

[sonofsven]

Fun read! Remember, "The Lord works in mysterious ways"; I love the leeway in that statement, ha.

[Purple_Crayon]

DW's uncle is a character who has consistently shown his ego and his willingness to do anything for attention and resources.

About 20 years ago, the house he lived in burned down, and he received a very large insurance payout for the SF home. He talked about how grateful he was to be alive, reveling in the attention, and about how he had "luckily" removed everything of value just days before and had boarded his animals when it happened. The majority of the family still thinks it was intentional.

About 10 years ago, he started a nonprofit dedicated to equal rights for a particular cross-section of marginalized peoples. He went on a slew of speaking engagements, often making the conversation about himself, and receiving numerous donations (including a rather large one from the founder of ebay). After winning "person of the year" from organizations that also support this movement, he was promptly removed as the leader of the non-profit because $50k had seemingly disappeared and he was the only person with access to it.

In the time since, he has entered into multiple frivolous lawsuits, typically suing the city in which he lives, seeking millions of dollars in damages. He tried unsuccessfully to get ppp loans during COVID for a business that has never made any money and only employs him. He constantly tried to pull me into his business ideas, which I won't touch with a ten foot pole.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when DW's grandma passed away (after three months in hospice at the age of 93). As the family has been going through the estate (that has almost nothing in it), they have found so far that:

• Uncle is an authorized user on all of her accounts, and has sent transfers to his accounts over a dozen times
• Uncle is on the title of her car, and is currently using it as collateral on a loan he has
• Uncle called DW's mom the day Grandma died to ask if Mom wanted to go to dinner because he "found $80 in their mom's wallet"
• Uncle had already removed countless items from the house without speaking to anyone
• Uncle wrote and published an obituary, about which he spoke with no one, and the whole thing is about him (and how he cared for her throughout her late struggles) -- he moved into her basement and lived there for free over the past decade or so while he took advantage of her
• Uncle suddenly found her will, for which he is the executor

As an outsider, I have found the entire thing fairly amusing, because I've known the man for 13 years, and predicted something like this was likely to happen. I've told DW multiple times over the past two weeks that it baffles me that people will fight over almost nothing (there's no house, no financial assets, one car, and a few things in the house). I witnessed a fight over a set of cups, about which Uncle said over and over: "these are collector's items; they're going for $40 apiece right now."

Shit be crazy, as they say.

[Villanelle]

DW's uncle is a character who has consistently shown his ego and his willingness to do anything for attention and resources.

About 20 years ago, the house he lived in burned down, and he received a very large insurance payout for the SF home. He talked about how grateful he was to be alive, reveling in the attention, and about how he had "luckily" removed everything of value just days before and had boarded his animals when it happened. The majority of the family still thinks it was intentional.

About 10 years ago, he started a nonprofit dedicated to equal rights for a particular cross-section of marginalized peoples. He went on a slew of speaking engagements, often making the conversation about himself, and receiving numerous donations (including a rather large one from the founder of ebay). After winning "person of the year" from organizations that also support this movement, he was promptly removed as the leader of the non-profit because $50k had seemingly disappeared and he was the only person with access to it.

In the time since, he has entered into multiple frivolous lawsuits, typically suing the city in which he lives, seeking millions of dollars in damages. He tried unsuccessfully to get ppp loans during COVID for a business that has never made any money and only employs him. He constantly tried to pull me into his business ideas, which I won't touch with a ten foot pole.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when DW's grandma passed away (after three months in hospice at the age of 93). As the family has been going through the estate (that has almost nothing in it), they have found so far that:

• Uncle is an authorized user on all of her accounts, and has sent transfers to his accounts over a dozen times
• Uncle is on the title of her car, and is currently using it as collateral on a loan he has
• Uncle called DW's mom the day Grandma died to ask if Mom wanted to go to dinner because he "found $80 in their mom's wallet"
• Uncle had already removed countless items from the house without speaking to anyone
• Uncle wrote and published an obituary, about which he spoke with no one, and the whole thing is about him (and how he cared for her throughout her late struggles) -- he moved into her basement and lived there for free over the past decade or so while he took advantage of her
• Uncle suddenly found her will, for which he is the executor

As an outsider, I have found the entire thing fairly amusing, because I've known the man for 13 years, and predicted something like this was likely to happen. I've told DW multiple times over the past two weeks that it baffles me that people will fight over almost nothing (there's no house, no financial assets, one car, and a few things in the house). I witnessed a fight over a set of cups, about which Uncle said over and over: "these are collector's items; they're going for $40 apiece right now."

Shit be crazy, as they say.

There's one of these in my life.  40-something unemployed alcoholic living in mom's guest room and presumably paying nothing at all (because other than a few stints working a few weeks or a couple days before getting let go, he has not job). But to hear him tell it, he's a martyr who lived there to help mom and stepdad because they wouldn't manage without him. 

As far as we can tell, the mom's estate will be worth very little (she has a reverse mortgage, which doesn't exactly scream "I have a large estate"), and will likely be split in half.  I think this guy expects to coast as a freeloader until his mom dies, and then live off the inheritance.  I doubt the inheritance will be enough to fund one year of life for him, especially because when he did have his life somewhat together, it was all new gas-guzzling trucks and home remodels and he-can't-be-expected-to-live-in-anything-that-isn't-a-single-family-home mindsets. 

I also expect that he will be pillage the possessions within 2 hours of finding out she has passed (which could certainly be a decade or more from now, and hopefully is).

[SwordGuy]

Having room and board for a year covered by someone else would allow anyone who really wanted to make financial progress to make a lot more headway.   It's easily a savings of $12,000 a year, and in some areas, way more.

That's a lot of debt that could be paid down or a lot of savings that could be set aside!    Or a down-payment for a house in my area.

It's so sad that some folks don't take advantage of the opportunity, they just take advantage of their host.

[sonofsven]

DW's uncle is a character who has consistently shown his ego and his willingness to do anything for attention and resources.

About 20 years ago, the house he lived in burned down, and he received a very large insurance payout for the SF home. He talked about how grateful he was to be alive, reveling in the attention, and about how he had "luckily" removed everything of value just days before and had boarded his animals when it happened. The majority of the family still thinks it was intentional.

About 10 years ago, he started a nonprofit dedicated to equal rights for a particular cross-section of marginalized peoples. He went on a slew of speaking engagements, often making the conversation about himself, and receiving numerous donations (including a rather large one from the founder of ebay). After winning "person of the year" from organizations that also support this movement, he was promptly removed as the leader of the non-profit because $50k had seemingly disappeared and he was the only person with access to it.

In the time since, he has entered into multiple frivolous lawsuits, typically suing the city in which he lives, seeking millions of dollars in damages. He tried unsuccessfully to get ppp loans during COVID for a business that has never made any money and only employs him. He constantly tried to pull me into his business ideas, which I won't touch with a ten foot pole.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when DW's grandma passed away (after three months in hospice at the age of 93). As the family has been going through the estate (that has almost nothing in it), they have found so far that:

• Uncle is an authorized user on all of her accounts, and has sent transfers to his accounts over a dozen times
• Uncle is on the title of her car, and is currently using it as collateral on a loan he has
• Uncle called DW's mom the day Grandma died to ask if Mom wanted to go to dinner because he "found $80 in their mom's wallet"
• Uncle had already removed countless items from the house without speaking to anyone
• Uncle wrote and published an obituary, about which he spoke with no one, and the whole thing is about him (and how he cared for her throughout her late struggles) -- he moved into her basement and lived there for free over the past decade or so while he took advantage of her
• Uncle suddenly found her will, for which he is the executor

As an outsider, I have found the entire thing fairly amusing, because I've known the man for 13 years, and predicted something like this was likely to happen. I've told DW multiple times over the past two weeks that it baffles me that people will fight over almost nothing (there's no house, no financial assets, one car, and a few things in the house). I witnessed a fight over a set of cups, about which Uncle said over and over: "these are collector's items; they're going for $40 apiece right now."

Shit be crazy, as they say.

My uncle, who is passed now, pulled similar stunts. He also moved in with his mother near her end and was a little loose with her money. My father was the executor so of course he reduced his brother's share accordingly, after going through the records.
A few years later my father received a tearful phone call from a woman none of us knew, asking very pointed questions about his brother and what property he owned (he didn't own any property).
Turns out she had a whirlwind affair with my uncle and got married, but he had told her a complete set of fabrications about his life; one, that he was a retired race car driver, two that he owned a lot of valuable waterfront property, and others, too, I'm sure.
 He even drove her to the property and showed it to her. It wasn't far from the family waterfront property, which my dad bought.
She learned that everything he told her was a lie, and the marriage was annulled.

[Capsu78]

For those that can't get enough inheritance storys, there is a new series on Netflix called "The Gentleman" that plot sets up in E1 t the reading of a will in a dysfunctional family.  Its a Guy Richie work so fair warning - ITS VIOLENT- but I found the story line to be a very clever one involving gangsters, drug dealers and other nefarious types. 

[Dicey]

For those that can't get enough inheritance storys, there is a new series on Netflix called "The Gentleman" that plot sets up in E1 t the reading of a will in a dysfunctional family.  Its a Guy Richie work so fair warning - ITS VIOLENT- but I found the story line to be a very clever one involving gangsters, drug dealers and other nefarious types.

I almost watched it today, but I really wanted to take a nap, so I watched a Christmas Romance instead, thinking I'd fall asleep. Alas, it was surprisingly entertaining, so no nap. I figured I'd have to be on my toes to follow a Guy Ritchie plot. Thanks for the confirmation.

P.S. I'm no pro at these holiday romances. I think it was called "Christmas Holiday in the Vineyards" or some such.

[iris lily]

For those that can't get enough inheritance storys, there is a new series on Netflix called "The Gentleman" that plot sets up in E1 t the reading of a will in a dysfunctional family.  Its a Guy Richie work so fair warning - ITS VIOLENT- but I found the story line to be a very clever one involving gangsters, drug dealers and other nefarious types.

I almost watched it today, but I really wanted to take a nap, so I watched a Christmas Romance instead, thinking I'd fall asleep. Alas, it was surprisingly entertaining, so no nap. I figured I'd have to be on my toes to follow a Guy Ritchie plot. Thanks for the confirmation.

P.S. I'm no pro at these holiday romances. I think it was called "Christmas in the Vineyards" or some such.

Are you talking about “a Christmas vintage? “ That was shot in my hometown. It is available on Prime.

DH watched it in our  Old downtown movie theater when they showed it to us locals. There was audience participation with everyone saying out loud things like “ oh, there’s my house! “Or “there’s Sarah standing in that crowd “and etc.

I watched it on streaming so that I can fast-forward through most of it. I only wanted to see the scenery. My hometown has 13 wineries and so old Victorian winery buildings are a prominent part of our architecture.

[Dicey]

For those that can't get enough inheritance storys, there is a new series on Netflix called "The Gentleman" that plot sets up in E1 t the reading of a will in a dysfunctional family.  Its a Guy Richie work so fair warning - ITS VIOLENT- but I found the story line to be a very clever one involving gangsters, drug dealers and other nefarious types.

I almost watched it today, but I really wanted to take a nap, so I watched a Christmas Romance instead, thinking I'd fall asleep. Alas, it was surprisingly entertaining, so no nap. I figured I'd have to be on my toes to follow a Guy Ritchie plot. Thanks for the confirmation.

P.S. I'm no pro at these holiday romances. I think it was called "Christmas in the Vineyards" or some such.

Are you talking about “a Christmas vintage? “ That was shot in my hometown. It is available on Prime.

DH watched it in our  Old downtown movie theater when they showed it to us locals. There was audience participation with everyone saying out loud things like “ oh, there’s my house! “Or “there’s Sarah standing in that crowd “and etc.

I watched it on streaming so that I can fast-forward through most of it. I only wanted to see the scenery. My hometown has 13 wineries and so old Victorian winery buildings are a prominent part of our architecture.

It was called "Holiday in the Vineyards. It sure looked like California to me. Not a Victorian in sight.

[iris lily]

For those that can't get enough inheritance storys, there is a new series on Netflix called "The Gentleman" that plot sets up in E1 t the reading of a will in a dysfunctional family.  Its a Guy Richie work so fair warning - ITS VIOLENT- but I found the story line to be a very clever one involving gangsters, drug dealers and other nefarious types.

I almost watched it today, but I really wanted to take a nap, so I watched a Christmas Romance instead, thinking I'd fall asleep. Alas, it was surprisingly entertaining, so no nap. I figured I'd have to be on my toes to follow a Guy Ritchie plot. Thanks for the confirmation.

P.S. I'm no pro at these holiday romances. I think it was called "Christmas in the Vineyards" or some such.

Are you talking about “a Christmas vintage? “ That was shot in my hometown. It is available on Prime.

DH watched it in our  Old downtown movie theater when they showed it to us locals. There was audience participation with everyone saying out loud things like “ oh, there’s my house! “Or “there’s Sarah standing in that crowd “and etc.

I watched it on streaming so that I can fast-forward through most of it. I only wanted to see the scenery. My hometown has 13 wineries and so old Victorian winery buildings are a prominent part of our architecture.

It was called "Holiday in the Vineyards. It sure looked like California to me. Not a Victorian in sight.

Oh, ok. I didnt find the film you watched but there are several on Prime with the words  “Holiday, Christmas, Vintage, Winery”  so that must be a sub genre of romance films.

I do not recommend the one shot in my home town. Not watchable, really.

[iluvzbeach]

For those that can't get enough inheritance storys, there is a new series on Netflix called "The Gentleman" that plot sets up in E1 t the reading of a will in a dysfunctional family.  Its a Guy Richie work so fair warning - ITS VIOLENT- but I found the story line to be a very clever one involving gangsters, drug dealers and other nefarious types.

I almost watched it today, but I really wanted to take a nap, so I watched a Christmas Romance instead, thinking I'd fall asleep. Alas, it was surprisingly entertaining, so no nap. I figured I'd have to be on my toes to follow a Guy Ritchie plot. Thanks for the confirmation.

P.S. I'm no pro at these holiday romances. I think it was called "Christmas in the Vineyards" or some such.

Are you talking about “a Christmas vintage? “ That was shot in my hometown. It is available on Prime.

DH watched it in our  Old downtown movie theater when they showed it to us locals. There was audience participation with everyone saying out loud things like “ oh, there’s my house! “Or “there’s Sarah standing in that crowd “and etc.

I watched it on streaming so that I can fast-forward through most of it. I only wanted to see the scenery. My hometown has 13 wineries and so old Victorian winery buildings are a prominent part of our architecture.

It was called "Holiday in the Vineyards. It sure looked like California to me. Not a Victorian in sight.

Oh, ok. I didnt find the film you watched but there are several on Prime with the words  “Holiday, Christmas, Vintage, Winery”  so that must be a sub genre of romance films.

I do not recommend the one shot in my home town. Not watchable, really.

iris lily, I tried to watch "A Christmas Vintage" over the weekend after seeing the comments here.  Tried is the key word.  After about 10 minutes, I turned it off and removed it from my watchlist.  I'm sure the scenary was nice but since I live in a victorian town in the middle of wine country, it isn't anything I don't see on a regular basis.

[By the River]

Hallmark filmed My Southern Family Christmas movie in my Louisiana hometown.  I know a couple of people that appeared in the crowd scenes.  Outside scenes filmed in June in 90+ temperature and humidity. 

[iris lily]

For those that can't get enough inheritance storys, there is a new series on Netflix called "The Gentleman" that plot sets up in E1 t the reading of a will in a dysfunctional family.  Its a Guy Richie work so fair warning - ITS VIOLENT- but I found the story line to be a very clever one involving gangsters, drug dealers and other nefarious types.

I almost watched it today, but I really wanted to take a nap, so I watched a Christmas Romance instead, thinking I'd fall asleep. Alas, it was surprisingly entertaining, so no nap. I figured I'd have to be on my toes to follow a Guy Ritchie plot. Thanks for the confirmation.

P.S. I'm no pro at these holiday romances. I think it was called "Christmas in the Vineyards" or some such.

Are you talking about “a Christmas vintage? “ That was shot in my hometown. It is available on Prime.

DH watched it in our  Old downtown movie theater when they showed it to us locals. There was audience participation with everyone saying out loud things like “ oh, there’s my house! “Or “there’s Sarah standing in that crowd “and etc.

I watched it on streaming so that I can fast-forward through most of it. I only wanted to see the scenery. My hometown has 13 wineries and so old Victorian winery buildings are a prominent part of our architecture.

It was called "Holiday in the Vineyards. It sure looked like California to me. Not a Victorian in sight.

Oh, ok. I didnt find the film you watched but there are several on Prime with the words  “Holiday, Christmas, Vintage, Winery”  so that must be a sub genre of romance films.

I do not recommend the one shot in my home town. Not watchable, really.

iris lily, I tried to watch "A Christmas Vintage" over the weekend after seeing the comments here.  Tried is the key word.  After about 10 minutes, I turned it off and removed it from my watchlist.  I'm sure the scenary was nice but since I live in a victorian town in the middle of wine country, it isn't anything I don't see on a regular basis.

Haha, thanks for trying!

[partgypsy]

Thanks for sharing the posts. Don't really have anything to add. My situation is, my brother (who is the homeowner) has my sister and Mom living there for free. Basically, he is supporting them. My mom pays for groceries for her and my sister, maybe a couple bills? Sis works limited hours that is pocket change and contributes 0 money to household, for years. She does help mom with groc shopping and meals (but again is paid that way including cig purchases) mom has needed increased help in past year and a half, but sisters lack of work and financial dep very much predates that. My sister now says, when mom dies she should get 100% of inheritance. She works extremely limited hours. I am unclear whether she is even eligible for social sec, and if so how much, due to work history. I feel and have told her, she should really focus on working more so she is eligible for social sec. My brother is also fed up w the situation.

[Tass]

Congratulations on not getting yourself into the mess your brother is currently in.

[partgypsy]

Congratulations on not getting yourself into the mess your brother is currently in.

. My sister complained that, she can't leave mom bc she might fall. So I got a guardian alert thing, paid for a year up front. No change to sisters work habits. Even mom says she can be left alone...I also find it extremely frustrating, that much if not all of Mom's medical issues are from, poor diet (she basically wants to live off desserts) no exercise, and taking her medications apparently at random. It is not my sister's fault (she is more patient than I). Just that, sister also not working just puts more stress on my brother, and guilt on my mom for no benefit other than sister being able to claim martyr status. I don't care if I get a cut. But I feel that my brother has been screwed in this situation.

[Villanelle]

Congratulations on not getting yourself into the mess your brother is currently in.

. My sister complained that, she can't leave mom bc she might fall. So I got a guardian alert thing, paid for a year up front. No change to sisters work habits. Even mom says she can be left alone...I also find it extremely frustrating, that much if not all of Mom's medical issues are from, poor diet (she basically wants to live off desserts) no exercise, and taking her medications apparently at random. It is not my sister's fault (she is more patient than I). Just that, sister also not working just puts more stress on my brother, and guilt on my mom for no benefit other than sister being able to claim martyr status. I don't care if I get a cut. But I feel that my brother has been screwed in this situation.

It does sound like he's currently getting screwed, and if your mom leaves everything to the freeloading sister, that seems even more unfair to me.  (Yes, I know that no one is entitled to an inheritance, of course.)  But the other side of this is that your brother continues to sing on for the current situation.  He could ask your sister to leave, insist she find a way to contribute if she stays, or set some other boundary and he decides not to.  While I know "throw your sister out" is easier said than done, he choice continues to enable her refusal to find a job, so it may not be the favor to her or good deed that it feels like.  So he's not exactly a victim in all this, either. 

But I say roughly the same things about MIL, who continues to let BIL freeload (and claim the same martyr status, though in his case, MIL is perfectly able-bodied and quite healthy for someone in her 70s).  I have strong feelings about BIL's willingness to continue the arrangement, but I also recognize that MIL clearly gets something out of it or she wouldn't allow it to continue.  Even if the "something" is avoiding a hard conversation with BIL, and possibly seeing him struggle (or even fail) to stand on his own two feet, she has decided that the juice isn't worth the squeeze and therefore allows the status quo.  I have some sympathy for her because I'm sure having a failure-to-launch (or launched-briefly-then-divorced-and-returned-to-the-launch-pad-and-never-took-flight-again) son is painful and disappointing and sad.  But she makes her choices and then lives in them. 

[NorthernIkigai]

Thanks for sharing the posts. Don't really have anything to add. My situation is, my brother (who is the homeowner) has my sister and Mom living there for free. Basically, he is supporting them. My mom pays for groceries for her and my sister, maybe a couple bills? Sis works limited hours that is pocket change and contributes 0 money to household, for years. She does help mom with groc shopping and meals (but again is paid that way including cig purchases) mom has needed increased help in past year and a half, but sisters lack of work and financial dep very much predates that. My sister now says, when mom dies she should get 100% of inheritance. She works extremely limited hours. I am unclear whether she is even eligible for social sec, and if so how much, due to work history. I feel and have told her, she should really focus on working more so she is eligible for social sec. My brother is also fed up w the situation.

My feelings about this depend a bit on what size inheritance we are talking about. If large, I'd be pissed (being you or your brother). If not, meh. Except I might still require your sister to pay a bit of rent, if I were your brother (necessitating her to work more), and also possibly make it clear that the arrangement of her living there will not continue once your mother is gone (if that's the case).

[partgypsy]

I dk the exact amount but it is not large. If my mom died tomorrow somewhere between 50-100k. Despite having no housing costs, a healthy ss income, she spends a ton on groceries, never put it in anything other than a low yield savings acct, also paid a 30k dental bill of my sister's. It is likely there will be a trivial or no amount left by the time she dies, so my sister obsessing about this vs like, getting a job w more hours mystifies me. I also feel, Mom should just give lil brother a cash gift to reduce his carrying costs. He's already said he would prefer to downsize to a solo apartment than this situation, but feels "stuck".