After literally years of lurking, I have a post.
My husband and I both work full time. We have toddler twins. Coworker has 3 kids under the age of 7. Wife is SAHM. Coworker mentions that after work he's exhausted and wife is too after caring for kids. He mentions that by the time he comes home and they fix dinner and clean up, he doesn't have a lot of time to spend with them. I commiserate with him and mention we had the same issue. I was able to carve out an extra half hour or so a day by switching to paper plates (we are renting - dishwasher is anemic and kitchen has no garbage disposal - thus we have to go through Olympic effort dishwashing everyday - turns out so do they). When the kids get a little older (able to do some chores to help) we will switch back to regular dishes. We have spent maybe... $80 on paper plates in a year in order to get back 30 minutes of quality time A DAY with our kids.
He basically tells me that they can't afford papers plates (90 for about $2 - $3 - lasts for 2-3 weeks) because they are a single income household.
He drives a BMW 500 something. She drives a BMW X5. o_0
So self imposed poverty... That's fun.
People's sense of expensive can be so odd. Sometimes the luxury items are a must at all costs. Sometimes $10 is too much without luxury items.
I remember a coworker who came to me (I'm a shadetree mechanic as well as an engineer) about his broken headlight. I said, no sweat. You have an older car that is common. Look here on eBay - there is a good used headlight for ~$10-$15. Nope. He was looking for the 10 cent solution like wrapping the headlight in Saran Wrap or gluing a piece of plexiglass over the headlight. Why? The headlight would not likely stay waterproof, the bulb would burn out frequently (rain water), the beam might not be focused, etc. He wasn't being frugal, he was being cheap.
"self imposed poverty" - that perfectly describes so many of my past and current coworkers.
Sadly, I know so many other coworkers who suffer from this. Ten years ago, I worked with a woman who had 2 daughters and a borderline abusive husband. DD1 was the child of a former spouse that she brought into the marriage with the borderline abusive husband. DD2 was his child. They lived in a beautiful house on the water in a "prestigious" East Coast town, but her commute to work was 80 miles round trip.
She drove a relatively new BMW 300 something, very nice suits, hair always done, full court press makeup, nails, Tiffany jewelry - even eyelash extensions... EVERYDAY...
Now, I am all for someone taking good care of themselves and wanting to look their best at all times... Right up until she came to my desk and asked me to help figure out how to pay for DD1 to go to college.
DD1 had decided that no matter what it took, she was getting as far away as possible from her step-dad and had her heart set on going to college in California, specifically in San Bernardino. DD1 had figured out if she went to San Bernardino Community College, after 2 years she could transfer to CSUSB, which I thought sounded great... right up until.....
Her mother presented me with several loan documents from different banks and asked me to help her figure out which one DD1 should apply for to get the best terms. After ascertaining that CW had not saved a single dime to send DD1 to college and had no interest in a PLUS loan (don't blame her), I reviewed the loan documents and was astounded to discover that out of state tuition for SBCC cost 4 to 5 times what in state (where CW lived) would cost (This was in 2007, I think..).
I asked her to seriously consider convincing DD1 to go in state, but due to the horrible behavior of the step-dad, DD1 would have none of it. So I then asked CW, is there something you can sell to pay for the first semester? The longer DD1 can put off taking out a loan, the better. CW had also expressed to me that she wasn't sure DD1 would make it through SBCC because DD1 had done poorly in high school, but wanted to give DD1 a chance "away from her step-dad". (CW also confessed she knew her husband had treated DD1 badly, and so wanted to support DD1's wish to go to SBCC).
Anyway, CW (wearing her Tiffany jewelry with salon eyelash extensions, and professionally manicured nails) replied she had nothing she could sell to offset the cost of the first semester. I gently mentioned the BMW, and explained she could sell the BMW and probably get enough $ for at least the first semester at SBCC and see if DD1 could hack it before DD1 had to take out any loans. I mentioned that CW could purchase a small Toyota or Honda for a minimal amount and would actually be a better car for such a long commute.
At this point, CW crossed her legs, locked her arms around her chest, leaned back in the chair away from me and outright refused to part with her BMW. So I advised her which loan her DD1 should take out (at just under 6% interest).
Fast forward a few months, DD1 graduates from highschool and CW buys DD1 a graduation gift: a Louis Vuitton purse ($1,000) and a pair of Uggs... "It's the least I can do and this way she'll fit in at SBCC".
0_o