Author Topic: Relatives who just don't get it  (Read 2024947 times)

nancyfrank232

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5550 on: November 11, 2019, 12:39:33 PM »
I donít have children, so I find stuff like this extra hard to understand. Is it really that hard to say no to them? I have a friend whoís TERRIBLE with money AND underemployed. Has his son some weekends. The guy is capable of cooking, but never cooks or buys groceries because ďI canít afford it. I have no time. I have to feed the kid properly.Ē Itís nothing more than an inability to recognize and change constantly poor choices. So, what does he do to feed the kid? Goes to a restaurant. He could buy $30-50 of groceries and feed himself and the kid all meals for days, but spends on restaurant food and fast food, then runs out of money and falls behind on bills. Dude, you make minimum wage and have huge debt payments. Paying people to prepare your food is the last thing you should be doing. Itís such a horrible cycle and sad to watch.

Stories like this is why I never feel bad raising the rent on my tenants. I know most people waste their money

SwordGuy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5551 on: November 11, 2019, 12:42:55 PM »
I love my sister, she's a great person but is pretty bad with money. She says she needs a new couch, a new mattress and a new car but she doesn't have the money. The mattress I get, it's pretty old. She could take public transportation to work and save the wear and tear on the car she has and hold off on the couch. BUT in the same conversation she told me that she bought my niece a $150 set of headphones! If you don't have money for a new mattress to replace the one that's 30 years old then you definitely don't need to buy your kid an expensive pair of headphones that she'll probably loose or have stolen.

I donít have children, so I find stuff like this extra hard to understand. Is it really that hard to say no to them? I have a friend whoís TERRIBLE with money AND underemployed. Has his son some weekends. The guy is capable of cooking, but never cooks or buys groceries because ďI canít afford it. I have no time. I have to feed the kid properly.Ē Itís nothing more than an inability to recognize and change constantly poor choices. So, what does he do to feed the kid? Goes to a restaurant. He could buy $30-50 of groceries and feed himself and the kid all meals for days, but spends on restaurant food and fast food, then runs out of money and falls behind on bills. Dude, you make minimum wage and have huge debt payments. Paying people to prepare your food is the last thing you should be doing. Itís such a horrible cycle and sad to watch.

Maybe invite them over and have them help you cook?  Then they can both (a) learn that they CAN cook and (b) that it can be a fun bonding thing to do.   

DutchGirl

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5552 on: November 11, 2019, 01:40:31 PM »

At another place I worked there was a woman who would pay her bills by checkbook, make out Christmas Cards, play solitaire on the computer amongst other personal things. She would come to work late a lot (...) About 2 pm she would actually start 'working'. She had her bosses bamboozled she was SOOO busy! Her problem was that she was too smart for the job she was in and was not ambitious enough to climb the corporate ladder.

Then again, if she actually got all the work done that they were paying her for between 2 PM and 5 PM, I'd argue that the bosses shouldn't complain. They probably hired her to do a job, they were willing to pay her $xxk for it, and she got the job done. Of course it could have been more useful and everybody would have been a bit happier if the bosses had just told her to do a specific list of tasks and nobody cared when she did them as long as they got done. She'd come in at 12 and would have gone home by 4 PM and would have been less obnoxious to the rest of you guys.

stashja

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5553 on: November 11, 2019, 05:03:50 PM »
People, tell me if I need to stop posting every time my parents reward my loser brother for his total lack of Emersonian self-reliance or basic intellectual maturity...

Until we get there, here we go again. Brother, age 37 (or as my partner calls him, Monsieur-37-going-on-15), who lives with our parents, convinced them to give him about $1000 to fly last minute from PA to Seattle and stay in a swanky hotel for four days so that he could tell a potential employer that he happened to be in Seattle should they want to talk about hiring him. I found out because I have been to Seattle for a conference once, so parents asked me to recommend a swanky hotel. (I have no idea. I stayed in a dorm room. I told them that and recommended hotels.com.)

Anyway....

New Girlfriend went with him but she/her family covered her airfare. He took her out for dinners and luxury entertainment, then Employer was suddenly tied up and never met with him. 37 says that they have followed up by email and heís first choice for Swanky Job should it become available. (There is in fact high turnover in his field, so employer might not be lying.)

This is shopped to me as an example of Taking Initiative, etc etc. Possibly his industry is so corrupt and full of over privileged jerks that they will give him this job. I guess thatís the best possible outcome because my parents wonít need to repeat this particular rescue mission.
« Last Edit: November 11, 2019, 05:09:21 PM by stashja »

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5554 on: November 11, 2019, 10:15:39 PM »

Linea_Norway

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5555 on: November 12, 2019, 01:09:10 AM »
People, tell me if I need to stop posting every time my parents reward my loser brother for his total lack of Emersonian self-reliance or basic intellectual maturity...

Until we get there, here we go again. Brother, age 37 (or as my partner calls him, Monsieur-37-going-on-15), who lives with our parents, convinced them to give him about $1000 to fly last minute from PA to Seattle and stay in a swanky hotel for four days so that he could tell a potential employer that he happened to be in Seattle should they want to talk about hiring him. I found out because I have been to Seattle for a conference once, so parents asked me to recommend a swanky hotel. (I have no idea. I stayed in a dorm room. I told them that and recommended hotels.com.)

Anyway....

New Girlfriend went with him but she/her family covered her airfare. He took her out for dinners and luxury entertainment, then Employer was suddenly tied up and never met with him. 37 says that they have followed up by email and heís first choice for Swanky Job should it become available. (There is in fact high turnover in his field, so employer might not be lying.)

This is shopped to me as an example of Taking Initiative, etc etc. Possibly his industry is so corrupt and full of over privileged jerks that they will give him this job. I guess thatís the best possible outcome because my parents wonít need to repeat this particular rescue mission.

Is he applying for a job in the Trump administration? Homeland Security chief or so?

Imma

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5556 on: November 12, 2019, 01:58:06 AM »

At another place I worked there was a woman who would pay her bills by checkbook, make out Christmas Cards, play solitaire on the computer amongst other personal things. She would come to work late a lot (...) About 2 pm she would actually start 'working'. She had her bosses bamboozled she was SOOO busy! Her problem was that she was too smart for the job she was in and was not ambitious enough to climb the corporate ladder.

Then again, if she actually got all the work done that they were paying her for between 2 PM and 5 PM, I'd argue that the bosses shouldn't complain. They probably hired her to do a job, they were willing to pay her $xxk for it, and she got the job done. Of course it could have been more useful and everybody would have been a bit happier if the bosses had just told her to do a specific list of tasks and nobody cared when she did them as long as they got done. She'd come in at 12 and would have gone home by 4 PM and would have been less obnoxious to the rest of you guys.

I have the type of job where my boss is fully aware that I don't have much to do half of the month and is ok with that, because in our field it's critical that I'm available to work very hard the other half of the month.

I'm in grad school so I keep busy by doing coursework and sometimes writing short memo's about how this or that development will have influence on our work. I volunteer to take work over from coworkers when I can. Still I notice this slowly damages my motivation even though I like my work - when there's work. I can totally imagine that after years of this someone stops caring and starts to play solitaire to kill the time. Someone should have told her to read MMM's blog instead...

stashja

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5557 on: November 12, 2019, 02:44:59 AM »
"Is he applying for a job in the Trump administration? Homeland Security chief or so?"

No. not government. This is just idiotic.

SwordGuy

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5558 on: November 12, 2019, 05:15:32 AM »
"Is he applying for a job in the Trump administration? Homeland Security chief or so?"

No. not government. This is just idiotic.

Sarcasm.   That is an example of sarcasm of the topical political humor category.

DaMa

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5559 on: November 12, 2019, 10:56:59 AM »

At another place I worked there was a woman who would pay her bills by checkbook, make out Christmas Cards, play solitaire on the computer amongst other personal things. She would come to work late a lot (...) About 2 pm she would actually start 'working'. She had her bosses bamboozled she was SOOO busy! Her problem was that she was too smart for the job she was in and was not ambitious enough to climb the corporate ladder.

This post could have been about me, except for the part about coming in late. I had a lot of time with not enough work to do.  I used to do personal paperwork at work.  I also taught myself VBA, SAS, and SQL in my downtime.  I read all the industry magazines and newspapers that were in the office.  Once we had internet access I did copious research on healthcare and insurance issues, including reading actual legislation, like the Medicare Modernization Act, and almost every HPMS memo CMS put out from 2005-2018.

I'm a reader, love to learn new things, and am very efficient.  My manager always knew I had time for more work.  But my employer was (and still is) seriously overstaffed.  Other people were horribly territorial, because they didn't have enough work to do either.  I was ambitious enough to climb the corporate ladder, but once I got high enough to really see what was going on, I said "Oh, hell no" and started on my path to FIRE.



Just Joe

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Re: Relatives who just don't get it
« Reply #5560 on: November 12, 2019, 03:51:51 PM »
I love my sister, she's a great person but is pretty bad with money. She says she needs a new couch, a new mattress and a new car but she doesn't have the money. The mattress I get, it's pretty old. She could take public transportation to work and save the wear and tear on the car she has and hold off on the couch. BUT in the same conversation she told me that she bought my niece a $150 set of headphones! If you don't have money for a new mattress to replace the one that's 30 years old then you definitely don't need to buy your kid an expensive pair of headphones that she'll probably loose or have stolen.

Or they'll break.
« Last Edit: November 12, 2019, 03:56:49 PM by Just Joe »