Did he declare bankruptcy and leave you with the bill in the end??
He did not. To his credit, that was a mooch too far.
Also -- DW has no issues with any money I have ever given them. The only comments she has ever made were about time, kindness, labor, etc. She thinks I give too much in general, but has never specifically mentioned that she was bothered by the money in any way.
Have you explicitly asked her if she has a problem with the money?
I have. I'm on this forum, so we definitely talk about money a lot. I assure you that doesn't bother her at all.
Oftentimes, the people who allow mooches to mooch off them are at the same level of emotional health as the mooches themselves.
Case in point…my SIL is in her 50s and has been unemployed for decades. She has been living in her parents’ condo, which they bought for their own retirement. Her son, in his early 20s and also unemployed, lives in his grandparents’ other condo which they bought as an investment. MIL also grocery shops for them and gave them a car. And MIL feels so guilty about their situation that she has set aside a pot of money to continue generating income for them once she passes…that is, if they don’t spend it all first. Unless SIL’s brothers put the money in an account inaccessible to SIL, I’m pretty sure that money will be gone in a few years.
MIL feels like she owes it to SIL because she behaved poorly towards SIL over four decades ago when SIL was growing up. In reality, she owes nothing to SIL. She’s paid for her “sins of the past” many times over and now simply can’t set healthy boundaries.
It sounds the same with Purple Crayon, who feels like they owe it to their moocher friends because decades ago, those friends helped them out during a tough period. In reality, Purple Crayon has already repaid those friends many times over.
Definitely don't feel feel obligated in any way whatsoever. The vast majority of this took place 15 to 20 years ago, or impacted mutual friends other than me. I genuinely enjoy seeing PunkRocker once a year, and the meal is a non-issue -- but I am aware of it. Most importantly, any of our money that has entered into any of this in the last decade is negligible, and has no economic impact on me or DW's situation whatsoever, nor has it ever put any pressure on my situation even when I was single. Likely why I don't feel burdened in any way, and can feel the way I feel about these two, despite their mooching ways.
My original post was to point out their moochiness -- not their impact on us personally, of which there really isn't any. It just leads to us shaking our heads in disbelief a lot.
Mostly just baffled that I know so many people like them. I tend to think it's because I grew up in such a poor area, with prevalent community drug issues (my brother is currently locked up for this), and such a high occurrence of not finishing high school. Perhaps if one grows up funded by community resources, it doesn't feel as much like mooching when they apply it to others situations?
Case in point, my dad's three older sisters make those two look like they are novices. All three got pregnant as teenagers, currently live in a row of trailers on my cousin's land (not that there's anything wrong with living in a trailer, which FairWeather did), and have given birth to 30 children between the three of them.
His oldest sister (13 kids) has had her rent and food paid for by the local church for well over ten years. The church itself even encouraged her to get (and paid for) a tubal ligation. She has never once expressed that she felt guilty about the help because "that's what it's there for -- people who need it." Next sister (10 kids) could have her own tv show. She has three sons in jail (nicknamed Toady, Buddy, and Boo), legally changes her name every time she gets into trouble, and legitimately married her (and my dad's) first cousin. I have a distinct memory as a kid of driving home from dinner at their house, listening to my mom cry because aunt #2 was complaining about having "too much lobster" when we subsisted off of what mom thought of as minimal. Apparently, the issue when you have 10 kids but no income (at least in the '80s), is that you get a LOT of money in food stamps and the like. Aunt #2 had purchased a second floor freezer and filled it with food whose excess she thought she could sell to her neighbors -- primarily lobster. She was struggling to sell her supply and was complaining to my mom about running out of freezer space. After she and her husband (cousin) divorced, he lived in a motorhome in my parents' driveway for 3 years, until mom said "enough". Aunt #3 had her first kid (and got married) at fifteen. Her husband's dad gifted them a house as a wedding present. They lived off of his dad's credit card until dad died, and quickly thereafter lost the house and moved into her current home next to her sisters.
Every time we see any of my extended family (for Christmas, for example), DW spends the whole drive home telling me she can't believe I am the way I am or asks me how I "escaped" to which I just laugh.
Where are everyone else's moochy people stories?
