Thanks for all the best wishes and advice. Reading your replies and feeling your empathy, I have a better sense of how skewed my own view has become. I've heard of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and the relevant subreddits, though I've largely avoided them, due to how similar their experiences are to my own. It can sometimes be hard to read. I strongly suspect my mother has some form of this, which was left to fester, as she never sought out any means of bettering herself. As for therapy, I'm working through CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy, to learn healthy coping mechanisms,) on my own. When I have more in the way of funding, I'll likely pursue formal therapy. In the meantime, I'm fortunate enough to have a couple people in my life who are familiar enough with the kinds of problems someone like me typically develops. I have it on good authority that I'm likely to beat this in 3-5 years, so I'm fairly optimistic.
Going low to no contact will also likely be a relief. Also, the information for the IRS saved me a few clicks. Thanks. :)
I've made another (non-throwaway) account, that I'll use to discuss my adventures in mustachianism. (-->
@JSalazar)
@Dicey I have enough information to infer most of the story. If you're curious: my parents were strongly influenced by my grandparents, who were self-made millionaires (quite mustachian, but outside of their business, nutsos.) The grandparents withheld affection, were physically abusive, etc., but my mother put up with it due to the significant financial aid my grandparents provided. To my grandparents, motherhood was expected. Unfortunately, motherhood turned out to be far more work than my mother was willing to do. Before I was born, she enjoyed a social life full of glittering parties & fancy dinners. I wasn't a healthy baby, when I was born. I don't believe I ever needed long-term hospitalization, but it was enough to effectively kill her social life. (I was the sort of baby with sensitivity to sound/light/certain textures/foods, etc.) This enraged her. She expected me to do everything perfectly the first time, to never be ill, to never need different food, etc. As I grew up, I was a frequent interruption in her routine, and she needs her routines like most people need water (severe OCD.) Eventually I learned better, but then she started seeking me out, demanding I act in the role of a therapist any time her own parents decided to belittle her parenting skills (or lack thereof.) It's funny, because I learned to treat my own issues through research/attempts to treat my mother. What made it worse was that my grandparents seemed to unconditionally love me, praising me as though I could do no wrong. My mother, on the other hand, could never do anything right. If you're familiar with NPD, it's a slight twist on the golden child / scapegoat dynamic. Once I began to see the dynamic for what it was, I started feeling uncomfortable around my grandparents, especially as I learned more about how they abused their daughter. I'm committed to breaking that chain.
I also suspect she thought she could relive her younger (best) years through me. She dressed me up as she had dressed, when she was younger. I was made to adopt her chosen hairstyle, hair color, the kinds of clothes she liked, friends she would've had, etc. This sort of thing is cute when done to babies (sort of?) but disturbing when done to a 16-25 year old. For example, I read much more than she did, which resulted in punishment. Basically, she wanted MomVer2.0. The abuse was mostly an extension of trying to fit me into this mold, even if it required using hair dye I was *very* allergic to, for example. I could be doubled over in front of her, and she'd just shrug and call it the "price of beauty." The whole situation is both hilarious and sad.