Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 329773 times)

Sibley

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1983
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #600 on: July 19, 2016, 09:26:15 AM »
A friend once told us "you get to your twenties and realize the whole damn family is crazy..." ;)

The older I get the more I realize well-adjusted and reliable must be pretty rare qualities in people...

I hope life delivers more of what you want from life LeRainDrop. You've certainly been tested enough.

I realized it in my teens. I think I was just precocious, because the extended family, while crazy, isn't THAT bad really.

debbie does duncan

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 102
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #601 on: July 19, 2016, 10:21:58 AM »
Quote
Dad found out the news on Sunday and was supposed to have told me, mom, and my brothers, but out of spite he did not.  Spite to my mom due to their divorce (he didn't think she deserved half because he was the higher income earner and he's selfish).  As for me, I later got a text from my dad after the funeral that was something like, "Just went to your Aunt Mertle's funeral.  She died."  I later confronted him about why he didn't tell me about it when he found out so that I could have been there and that I was so hurt he didn't tell me.  His answer, which to this day he maintains is justified, is that I did not call him back on Monday after I got home from my work trip, so obviously I did not care enough to know what was going on with him and the family.  Of course, the rest of the family was horrified when they found out that dad withheld the info from us.  Now we don't care about dad's rule and just always communicate directly.
WOW.....I am surprised that anyone even speaks to your dad !

LeRainDrop

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1777
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #602 on: July 19, 2016, 10:42:25 AM »
Quote
Dad found out the news on Sunday and was supposed to have told me, mom, and my brothers, but out of spite he did not.  Spite to my mom due to their divorce (he didn't think she deserved half because he was the higher income earner and he's selfish).  As for me, I later got a text from my dad after the funeral that was something like, "Just went to your Aunt Mertle's funeral.  She died."  I later confronted him about why he didn't tell me about it when he found out so that I could have been there and that I was so hurt he didn't tell me.  His answer, which to this day he maintains is justified, is that I did not call him back on Monday after I got home from my work trip, so obviously I did not care enough to know what was going on with him and the family.  Of course, the rest of the family was horrified when they found out that dad withheld the info from us.  Now we don't care about dad's rule and just always communicate directly.
WOW.....I am surprised that anyone even speaks to your dad !

Well, they pretty much avoid talking to him for the most part, not just for this incident but also because his self-centeredness is really exhausting to deal with.  I myself did not speak with him for several months after confronting him about his hurtful way of handling news of my great-aunt's death.  But, in the end, he's still my dad, who honestly did many great things for me throughout my life, and he personally has been through a lot of trauma and is lonely.  I feel bad for him, even if a large part of his isolation is due to his own actions.  Now, I'm glad to have a relationship with him in which I actually put up and enforce healthy boundaries.  That took a good deal of therapy and reading self-help books to finally get to the place where I could do that!

Dicey

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5629
  • Age: 59
  • Location: NorCal
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #603 on: July 19, 2016, 10:51:45 AM »
Now, I'm glad to have a relationship with him in which I actually put up and enforce healthy boundaries.  That took a good deal of therapy and reading self-help books to finally get to the place where I could do that!
Now, there's a legacy Aunt Mertle would be proud of!
I did it! I have a journal!
A Lot Like This
And hell yes, I am still moving confidently in the direction of my dreams...

hoping2retire35

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 990
  • Location: UPCOUNTRY CAROLINA
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #604 on: July 26, 2016, 01:38:49 PM »
We weren't too shocked by the outcome,given our communication lapse,  but saddened that Auntie who did have DH's number and DH's parent's number (but we did not have hers) never thought to call at all. 

My whole life I have been very close with my great-aunt and uncle on my dad's side, I think mostly because my dad's mom died when he was very young and his dad basically abandoned his kids for a new woman, so this great-aunt and uncle were very much like my dad's parents.  Anyhow, my dad has controlling tendencies, and one of these is that he always wanted to be the direct point of contact with that whole side of the family.  For example, every time I wanted to visit them, like when I came home on college break, I was supposed to ask my dad to call them and check on scheduling.  Even though I had their phone numbers and mailed them cards and such, it would have been (unreasonably) offensive to my dad to not go through him for in-person visits.

Anyway, both my great-aunt and uncle got very sick around the same time and were moved into the same facility.  We had thought that great-uncle was worse off, and I was having pretty regular calls with them, my cousins (their kids), and my dad.  One week I had to go on an extremely demanding business trip and was getting about 1-2 hours of sleep per night to the point that I had a call with my dad on Friday night that I essentially have no recollection of because I was falling over from sleep deprivation and telling him I'd have to talk to him after I got back from my work trip.  (Another aspect of his narcissism is demanding phone calls whenever he wants them for however long he wants them so that he can ramble on and on.)   So, work trip ends on Sunday, I go back to the office, where it is a week-from-hell, especially with my bully boss, and I'm still working around the clock.  Wednesday comes and I get a weird text from my mom to call her ASAP.  My two parents were in a hearing for their divorce and it was disclosed to the judge that my dad couldn't be available the next day because he had to go to such-and-such area of the state for a funeral.  Mom gets very concerned because she is also very close to great-aunt and uncle, and she looks up online fearing that she may find uncle has passed away.  But no, it was great-aunt who passed away that Sunday.

Dad found out the news on Sunday and was supposed to have told me, mom, and my brothers, but out of spite he did not.  Spite to my mom due to their divorce (he didn't think she deserved half because he was the higher income earner and he's selfish).  As for me, I later got a text from my dad after the funeral that was something like, "Just went to your Aunt Mertle's funeral.  She died."  I later confronted him about why he didn't tell me about it when he found out so that I could have been there and that I was so hurt he didn't tell me.  His answer, which to this day he maintains is justified, is that I did not call him back on Monday after I got home from my work trip, so obviously I did not care enough to know what was going on with him and the family.  Of course, the rest of the family was horrified when they found out that dad withheld the info from us.  Now we don't care about dad's rule and just always communicate directly.

No inheritance component -- just a family member being a jerk about a loved one's death.

LOL, sounds like my own mother. she doesn't necessarily demand to be the go between but stays so busy contacting everyone else that she always knows what is going  on and gets really angry if she does not get to talk to you on the phone. my sisters have said some really weird things that I know she said to them to discredit me. ~I'm not on speaking terms with her at the moment

Wasn't this supposed to be a funny yet sad thread?? sorry to bring it down.

Ill add something. My mother is an absurd hoarder; she would mortify the producers of TLC show. So she moves into my grandpas house, PT just to help him out and watch after him, a few years before he passes. He wasn't the neatest person to begin with but of course things start piling up. This whole time my aunts and uncles are perfectly fine. So grandpa passes about two years ago, and immediately(before the funeral) all my aunts and uncles move into his house. it was kinda weird like they were peeing in their own little corner and claiming their territory or something. Anyways, the day after the funeral they confront her and tell her to move out. I just thought it was funny how they all moved in to basically push her out. Would have been nice had they used that opportunity to tell her to clean up her life but instead they just told her to get out of theirs.

sorry if the story doesn't make sense or is unrelateable, haven't told many others.

financialfreedomsloth

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 168
  • Location: Belgium
    • financial freedom sloth
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #605 on: July 29, 2016, 08:14:30 AM »
I can only urge people to get a will (no matter how old you are, accidents do happen) and also speak to the people in the will to explain why you want certain things to be the way they are. Trust me when I say this can prevent a lot of problems in the future.

My mom isnít talking to her sister anymore partly due to inheritance issues (big part also because sister is really terrible with money, which was the root cause of the inheritance issues).

My dadís side of the family Ö Well, discovering the dead stepmother, being interrogated by the police for several hours during several days and then months later discovering my nephew (his sisters son) was the actual killer kinda destroyed any family relationship that was left with his sister. Root cause being my grandfather who (despite being ill for several years) did not have a will and did not express his wishes to anybody resulting in the stepmother have large amounts of cash in the house (because she didnít really have any legal claim on the money, because my grandfather didnít do any arrangements!!). So frail old lady with big cash pile and family members in debt mooching of her and fearing the gravy train would stop = disaster on multiple levels.
Get a will people, and get stuff sorted out before people die, afterwards is a lot more difficult!
http://financialfreedomsloth.com/

achieving financial freedom one lazy step at a time

Lanthiriel

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 617
  • Location: Portlandia
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #606 on: July 30, 2016, 12:31:42 AM »
My mom had a pretty rough childhood. Neither of her parents were particularly interested in being parents, and she only really made it through life because my horrible grandmother managed to marry an absolutely wonderful man the second time around. My uncle is a mooch who will tell anyone who will listen how hard his life is. He did retail jobs and largely lived off of the good will of others (I don't want to think about how much money he siphoned off my great grandparents) into his late 40s.

My grandmother was recently diagnosed with early stage breast cancer (nothing a lumpectomy and a few rounds of chemo won't fix), and said uncle thinks it's a good time to "confront" her about his upbringing. After berating her for an hour, his conclusion is that as penance for being a bad mother, he "deserves" the house when she dies.

Never mind that my grandma and stepgrandpa are only in their early 70s. Or that he has two other siblings who had the same childhood. Or that of the three siblings, he's already received by far the most economic outpatient support. Or that maybe it's really awful to have this conversation with a woman who just found out she has cancer.

Same uncle wants to confront my mom about her role in making his childhood awful, but she says she'll only participate if his therapist will moderate. He refuses.

I'm exceptionally glad I don't need or want anyone's inheritance so I can stay with it of the fray when the time comes.

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #607 on: August 01, 2016, 08:56:09 AM »
What's the point of bringing up old history like that? How can that help anything? Let it fade into history. Forgive and forget. And certainly not when the lady is sick... PEOPLE!

Astatine

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2402
  • Location: Australia
  • Blah. Blah blah blah.
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #608 on: August 01, 2016, 10:35:58 PM »
What's the point of bringing up old history like that? How can that help anything? Let it fade into history. Forgive and forget. And certainly not when the lady is sick... PEOPLE!

Eh, I disagree. His timing probably could have been better (and really should NOT have asked for the house), but forgive and forget is often not an option if childhood was abusive.

PAstash

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 177
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #609 on: August 02, 2016, 12:06:26 AM »
My grand father and his brother were both heirs to a small family fortune. Nothing crazy as I understand it. Small but successful business. A nice collection of rare jewels. A fair sized chunk of cash. Thinking high six figures that's cash not including the business jewels and paid off four bedroom/2ba home in a niceish area.

Anyways! part of the jewel collection was either a Onyx or Ruby ring. As I understand it was HUGE in size. No doubt by the stories it was valuable. It denoted more then value. Historically in my family the Ring was given to the eldest male in our family that person decides the direction of the family business cash and precious metal assets as well as the direct operator of the estate.

Well my grand father went off over seas to fight in a war. While he was gone his younger brother younger by a few HOURS "stole" or if you ask him was given the ring by his father(my great great grand father) for safe keeping in the event his brother my grandfather did not make it back. He refused to give it back upon my grandfathers return.

The little brother to this day still controls the money businesses ect in our family after his father passed away.

I didn't discover all of this till I was 18ish. It is EXTREMELY taboo. like don't talk about it. The story goes also that my grandfathers wife was stepping out on him with the younger brother. They are not together (the younger brother and my grandfathers first wife) However my grandfather and his first wife who was Italian(more on this later) did get divorced which was a bit more taboo during the time period. My mother is from his first marriage. My mother sided with her father which is why I know about most of this. He remarries outside of Italian heritage which till recent times was strongly frowned upon in my house. 

The women is native American and has a very strong distaste for Italian men/white men surprisingly tho she is married to one. After years of my step grandmothers abuse she was very rude to me my mother and my sister one thanks giving dinner. we had it out in a big fight. Later that night my mother sat me down over a few drinks to tell me the previous story about the ring.

My detective work has led me to believe that it is very possible my grandfather stepped out on his first wife with my current step grandmother. When his first wife found out about this she stole the ring told the story to the younger brother and the rest is history.

My mother adamantly denies this. You know tho sometimes when asking someone they give you THE LOOK... you know the maybe I've been the one that's been lied to for YEARS look. When I explained what I discovered my mom gave me the look. That brings us to current date. who knows?

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1481
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #610 on: August 02, 2016, 08:21:41 AM »
This thread is kind of like every soap opera or telenovela in the world, at the same time, but without the commercials.
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1652
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #611 on: August 02, 2016, 08:35:18 AM »
What's the point of bringing up old history like that? How can that help anything? Let it fade into history. Forgive and forget. And certainly not when the lady is sick... PEOPLE!

Eh, I disagree. His timing probably could have been better (and really should NOT have asked for the house), but forgive and forget is often not an option if childhood was abusive.

If she is dying then she can't hurt anyone anymore.

If the abuser had years left then you damn well better believe there would be some discussions held.
« Last Edit: August 02, 2016, 08:38:42 AM by Joe Lucky »

LeRainDrop

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1777
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #612 on: August 02, 2016, 09:44:07 AM »
This thread is kind of like every soap opera or telenovela in the world, at the same time, but without the commercials.

The commercial break comes when you read up through the most current post in the thread and have to wait for someone else to post a new episode!

frogger

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 160
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #613 on: August 02, 2016, 06:04:57 PM »
I have one now that has just (mostly) wrapped up. Oh, and a half-drama that was inheritance related but not family caused.

First, the latter: Mom's side. Five kids. Grandparents live on farmland in MN and I think rent out the land. Grandmother dies in her 60s, Grandfather lives for 12 more years and then dies in his 80s. Everything is sold. I snagged a Christmas decoration I'd always liked and a bunch of my Grandmother's fabric stash and am happy, and my part is otherwise over except that I as an adult grandchild was a witness (as in signature) to the wholly civil and fair equal division of assets among the five kids. Later find out that there was drama not directly among the kids, but because the financial person who was supposed to be in charge of the liquidation and division of assets helped himself to some first. The only argument among the siblings was whether or not to risk legal fees to get the money back. Two siblings wanted to go for it, three (including my mother) did not. They went after the person, got the money back, and then got the legal fees back. It was amazing. The stolen portion was then divided up equally and distributed.

Second, the former: Dad's side. Four kids. Bro1 Bro2 Sis1 Sis2. Grandparents play blatant favorites among the kids, so that Sis2 (Grandma's fave) feels more special than the rest and yet somehow treated worse than the rest. Bro1 is a mooch and repeatedly borrows money which never is repaid. Bro2 (my dad) hits hard times, borrows some money, pays some back, dies before 60 leaving myself and three younger siblings (very sad). Sis1 and Sis2 have better financial fortunes, but Sis1 stayed local and ended up doing much more day to day care in the end while Sis2 had better things to do with her wealthy husband but "oversaw" from afar.

Grandma and Grandpa get older. Bro1 moves in to help them live rent-free and waited on and justifies this by sleeping in the house to call 911 for a fall once in three years. Grandpa dies in his 90s. Grandma can't live alone and goes to a retirement community with a subset of her possessions. The rest are sold at auction after Bro1 and Sis2 independently prevent a drama-free and fair division of items. All the money from the auction goes into a Trust that Grandpa set up for Grandma's care, while Grandma's remaining possessions--furniture, jewelry--and small amount of cash remain in a separate estate.

The house and building owned by Grandpa are eventually cleaned out and sold, cleaning out and organizing largely done by Sis1 who was paid a fair and fairly cheap amount to take care of Grandpa's sensitive work documents (lawyer) and do similar in the house to get it ready for the market. Money from house and building sale go into the Trust. Sis2 engages in shenanigans such as buying (and getting reimbursement for) expensive and unnecessary furniture for Grandma's new retirement digs, ordering extra personal companion time (at Grandma's expense) in lieu of actually visiting, stealing all of Grandma's jewelry "for safe keeping", and being an all around pain in the ass.

Grandma dies in her 90s after a few months of stepped up nursing home care, which mercifully cut short both her cognitive decline and the outflow of assets from the trust to the care facility. Grandma's will for her estate and the Trust are carefully poured over for instructions. The Trust allows for extra expenses from the estate to be paid with Trust funds and remaining funds are to be distributed to heirs per stirpes minus any outstanding loans. Grandma's estate is to be divided among the three surviving children, cutting myself and my siblings out entirely. Sis1 and my mom are outraged and Bro1 doesn't care as long as he gets money (which he won't). Sis2 pretends to be outraged, but takes the opportunity to also pretend she's magnanimous by declaring that she only wants a few items (never mind they are jewelry pieces holding almost half the value of the estate) and that my sibs and I should benefit from the estate (subtracted from Sis1 and Bro1's portion, natch).

Grandma's physical assets are divided into four very unequal portions, and there is no cash to speak of for Bro1 (who at almost 70 years of the mooching life is broker than broke and still managed to buy Grandpa's building, but can barely pay the mortgage). At the same time, the Trust is going through the settlement process and Bro1's loans exceed his share, Bro2's loans greatly reduce his share, but Bro2's heirs will also get 1/3 of what should have been Bro1's share. Bro1 decides to submit a multiple five figure bill for "caretaking" in the form of spreading his crap around the house, eating Grandma's food and doing no cleanup, and sleeping on the couch for two years. The rest of us laugh and no payment occurs. Sis 2 is still cranky that Sis1 got paid for legitimate and necessary work and submits a bill for her own personal legal fees as well as for an unnecessary service that we have in writing she said she would do for free. The Trustee rolls over like a trained dog, adds these to Sis2's share, and hands it over.

My mom and Sis1 go ballistic and try to recover justifying documents if not the money itself, but are threatened that there will be no money left for Sis1 or Bro2's shares if they try to fight. Mom and Sis1 take their shares. Mom hands me my 1/4th, while Sis1, who just retired, is going on an accountability rampage up to and including changing the Trustee laws in the state.

Bro1 doesn't talk to anyone else in the family, Sis2 doesn't talk to anyone else in the family, and Sis1 decides to keep Bro2's family because we are not batshit crazy.

I got the couch Sis2 needlessly bought for Grandma, the start of my down payment fund, and an object lesson in treating your children equally.
« Last Edit: August 02, 2016, 06:12:29 PM by frogger »

BlueHouse

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2464
  • Location: WDC
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #614 on: August 03, 2016, 09:14:36 AM »
Whenever I read the stories in this thread, I try to imagine the other person's perspective and how they would tell the story differently. 

When I hear from someone's kid about the circumstances of their parents' fair or unfair inheritances, I am even less inclined to believe we're getting the whole story. 

Some of these are funny and shocking, but the majority of them are just sad because we're  perpetuating a family feud of which we weren't even involved and thus cannot know the truth of the matter. 


Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand

Dicey

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5629
  • Age: 59
  • Location: NorCal
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #615 on: August 03, 2016, 09:42:59 AM »
Whenever I read the stories in this thread, I try to imagine the other person's perspective and how they would tell the story differently. 

When I hear from someone's kid about the circumstances of their parents' fair or unfair inheritances, I am even less inclined to believe we're getting the whole story. 

Some of these are funny and shocking, but the majority of them are just sad because we're  perpetuating a family feud of which we weren't even involved and thus cannot know the truth of the matter.
Your points are valid. I do find them useful, if only as cautionary tales. I am sort of an interested bystander, as we are in the process of settling my parent's estate. I have one highly "challenging" sibling, so I've actually gleaned a few useful tips from this thread.
I did it! I have a journal!
A Lot Like This
And hell yes, I am still moving confidently in the direction of my dreams...

paddedhat

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1898
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #616 on: August 03, 2016, 10:01:13 AM »
Whenever I read the stories in this thread, I try to imagine the other person's perspective and how they would tell the story differently. 

When I hear from someone's kid about the circumstances of their parents' fair or unfair inheritances, I am even less inclined to believe we're getting the whole story. 

Some of these are funny and shocking, but the majority of them are just sad because we're  perpetuating a family feud of which we weren't even involved and thus cannot know the truth of the matter.

I disagree. By reading a first person account of a stranger's story, you perpetuate exactly nothing. You're not involved, will likely never get to know the author on a personal level, and you could quite possibly be reading totally fabricated fiction, for all that it matters. As for getting the whole story, it's an interesting thought. I contributed to this thread a long time ago. I am executor of my mother's estate. My half sister is a drug and alcohol addict, mentally ill, and suffers from a finely honed entitlement/victim delusion that was shaped by years of therapy with a string of "professionals" who taught her that your failures are always attributable to being wronged by others. The estate was carefully divided under the watchful eye of a number of lawyers, advocates and a trust representative. There is no way in hell that any rational person could claim, much less prove, that she wasn't treated fairly and to the letter of the law. As you note, she does have a very different perspective on the probate and how it has damaged her, and her future. In her mind, she had the family home stolen from her, and any liquid assets were her's alone, and to be used for her care, forever. The fact that her mother clearly directed that assets be divided equally among the three children, and that she directed that the family home be liquidated is meaningless to my sister. The fact that she would of been unable to keep any significant assets, and still be eligible for Medicaid or other state and federal aid, is meaningless to her. The fact that she would of possibly been forced to forfeit a million dollars in assets to repay these agencies is also not every going to be a part of her reality. So, like many of the Bat Shit crazy families that members here rant about, my sister has a very different perspective an opinion of our personal inheritance drama.  Is it rational to listen to both sides of the story, and reach a conclusion, when one side is not really "all there" due to substance abuse, mental illness, or much more commonly, having become obsessed with greed to the point that they are no longer rational?  Wene you hear a story of a multi-generational battle that wages on, since somebody is sure that they got screwed out of aunt Bessie's baby grand piano, in 1956, it says much about the human condition. Expecting that the "other side" of the story is a valuable and missing piece, can often lead to disappointment.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2016, 10:09:37 AM by paddedhat »

Spork

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5752
    • Spork In The Eye
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #617 on: August 03, 2016, 10:07:56 AM »

I disagree. By reading a first person account of a stranger's story, you perpetuate exactly nothing. You're not involved, will likely never get to know the author on a personal level, and you could quite possibly be reading totally fabricated fiction, for all that it matters. As for getting the whole story, it's an interesting thought. I contributed to this thread a long time ago. I am executor of my mother's estate. My half sister is a drug and alcohol addict, mentally ill, and suffers from a finely honed entitlement/victim delusion that was shaped by years of therapy with a string of "professionals" who taught her that your failures are always attributable to being wronged by others. The estate was carefully divided under the watchful eye of a number of lawyers, advocates and a trust representative. There is no way in hell that any rational person could claim, much less prove, that she wasn't treated fairly and to the letter of the law. As you note, she does have a very different perspective on the probate and how it has damaged her, and her future. In her mind, she had the family home stolen from her, and any liquid assets were her's alone, and to be used for her care, forever. The fact that her mother clearly directed that assets be divided equally among the three children, and that she directed that the family home be liquidated is meaningless to my sister. The fact that she would of been unable to keep any significant assets, and still be eligible for Medicaid or other state and federal aid, is meaningless to her. The fact that she would of possibly been forced to forfeit a million dollars in assets to repay these agencies is also not every going to be a part of her reality. So, like many of the Bat Shit crazy families that members here rant about, my sister has a very different perspective an opinion of our personal inheritance drama.  Is it rational to listen to both sides of the story, and reach a conclusion, when one side is not really "all there" due to substance abuse, mental illness, or much more commonly, having become obsessed with greed to the point that they are no longer rational?  We you hear a story of a multi-generational battle that wages on, since somebody is sure that they got screwed out of aunt Bessie's baby grand piano, in 1956, it says much about the human condition. Expecting that the "other side" of the story is a valuable and missing piece, can often lead to disappointment.

What amazes me when I read this thread is: Just how many of us have a sibling exactly like what Paddedhat describes.   One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

I haven't given my full inheritance story here, as it just unfolded within the last few months (and still has little new dramas pop up).  It isn't altogether different from so many above, so I'll just refrain from long detailed story.
Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight

paddedhat

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1898
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #618 on: August 03, 2016, 10:12:43 AM »

I disagree. By reading a first person account of a stranger's story, you perpetuate exactly nothing. You're not involved, will likely never get to know the author on a personal level, and you could quite possibly be reading totally fabricated fiction, for all that it matters. As for getting the whole story, it's an interesting thought. I contributed to this thread a long time ago. I am executor of my mother's estate. My half sister is a drug and alcohol addict, mentally ill, and suffers from a finely honed entitlement/victim delusion that was shaped by years of therapy with a string of "professionals" who taught her that your failures are always attributable to being wronged by others. The estate was carefully divided under the watchful eye of a number of lawyers, advocates and a trust representative. There is no way in hell that any rational person could claim, much less prove, that she wasn't treated fairly and to the letter of the law. As you note, she does have a very different perspective on the probate and how it has damaged her, and her future. In her mind, she had the family home stolen from her, and any liquid assets were her's alone, and to be used for her care, forever. The fact that her mother clearly directed that assets be divided equally among the three children, and that she directed that the family home be liquidated is meaningless to my sister. The fact that she would of been unable to keep any significant assets, and still be eligible for Medicaid or other state and federal aid, is meaningless to her. The fact that she would of possibly been forced to forfeit a million dollars in assets to repay these agencies is also not every going to be a part of her reality. So, like many of the Bat Shit crazy families that members here rant about, my sister has a very different perspective an opinion of our personal inheritance drama.  Is it rational to listen to both sides of the story, and reach a conclusion, when one side is not really "all there" due to substance abuse, mental illness, or much more commonly, having become obsessed with greed to the point that they are no longer rational?  We you hear a story of a multi-generational battle that wages on, since somebody is sure that they got screwed out of aunt Bessie's baby grand piano, in 1956, it says much about the human condition. Expecting that the "other side" of the story is a valuable and missing piece, can often lead to disappointment.

What amazes me when I read this thread is: Just how many of us have a sibling exactly like what Paddedhat describes.   One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

I haven't given my full inheritance story here, as it just unfolded within the last few months (and still has little new dramas pop up).  It isn't altogether different from so many above, so I'll just refrain from long detailed story.

The "4th Law" rocks.  After my dad announced that he and his 4th wife were divorcing, I looked him in the eye and said, "ya know, maybe it's you"  LOL. Thanks for laugh.

TomTX

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2497
  • Location: Texas
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #619 on: August 03, 2016, 02:04:13 PM »

Grandma dies in her 90s after a few months of stepped up nursing home care, which mercifully cut short both her cognitive decline and the outflow of assets from the trust to the care facility. Grandma's will for her estate and the Trust are carefully poured over for instructions. The Trust allows for extra expenses from the estate to be paid with Trust funds and remaining funds are to be distributed to heirs per stirpes minus any outstanding loans. Grandma's estate is to be divided among the three surviving children, cutting myself and my siblings out entirely. Sis1 and my mom are outraged and Bro1 doesn't care as long as he gets money (which he won't). Sis2 pretends to be outraged, but takes the opportunity to also pretend she's magnanimous by declaring that she only wants a few items (never mind they are jewelry pieces holding almost half the value of the estate) and that my sibs and I should benefit from the estate (subtracted from Sis1 and Bro1's portion, natch).

That's not how per stirpes works. "Per stirpes" translates as "by branch" - if any of the original descendants is already dead, their share passes to their own descendants. In this case: Bro2 is dead, so his kids get his share. It does NOT go back into the pot for the remaining siblings.
Credit card signup bonuses:

$150 bonus on $500 spend for Chase Freedom:
https://www.referyourchasecard.com/2/MU4TDQ1N3K

$50 bonus (no min spend, just use it once) plus double all cash back at the end of 1 year for Discover, including the initial $50:
https://refer.discover.com/s/37e3u

$500 bonus on $4,000 spend for Chase Sapphire Preferred:
https://www.referyourchasecard.com/6/Z8JIP66H7G

BlueHouse

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2464
  • Location: WDC
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #620 on: August 03, 2016, 02:07:45 PM »
Whenever I read the stories in this thread, I try to imagine the other person's perspective and how they would tell the story differently. 

When I hear from someone's kid about the circumstances of their parents' fair or unfair inheritances, I am even less inclined to believe we're getting the whole story. 

Some of these are funny and shocking, but the majority of them are just sad because we're  perpetuating a family feud of which we weren't even involved and thus cannot know the truth of the matter.

I disagree. By reading a first person account of a stranger's story, you perpetuate exactly nothing. You're not involved, will likely never get to know the author on a personal level, and you could quite possibly be reading totally fabricated fiction, for all that it matters. As for getting the whole story, it's an interesting thought. I contributed to this thread a long time ago. I am executor of my mother's estate. My half sister is a drug and alcohol addict, mentally ill, and suffers from a finely honed entitlement/victim delusion that was shaped by years of therapy with a string of "professionals" who taught her that your failures are always attributable to being wronged by others. The estate was carefully divided under the watchful eye of a number of lawyers, advocates and a trust representative. There is no way in hell that any rational person could claim, much less prove, that she wasn't treated fairly and to the letter of the law. As you note, she does have a very different perspective on the probate and how it has damaged her, and her future. In her mind, she had the family home stolen from her, and any liquid assets were her's alone, and to be used for her care, forever. The fact that her mother clearly directed that assets be divided equally among the three children, and that she directed that the family home be liquidated is meaningless to my sister. The fact that she would of been unable to keep any significant assets, and still be eligible for Medicaid or other state and federal aid, is meaningless to her. The fact that she would of possibly been forced to forfeit a million dollars in assets to repay these agencies is also not every going to be a part of her reality. So, like many of the Bat Shit crazy families that members here rant about, my sister has a very different perspective an opinion of our personal inheritance drama.  Is it rational to listen to both sides of the story, and reach a conclusion, when one side is not really "all there" due to substance abuse, mental illness, or much more commonly, having become obsessed with greed to the point that they are no longer rational?  Wene you hear a story of a multi-generational battle that wages on, since somebody is sure that they got screwed out of aunt Bessie's baby grand piano, in 1956, it says much about the human condition. Expecting that the "other side" of the story is a valuable and missing piece, can often lead to disappointment.

When I said "we're  perpetuating a family feud" I meant the authors of the stories, including me.  Not anyone who is simply reading someone else's tale. 
PaddedHat, I'm sorry you have had this experience, and my comment wasn't intended to invalidate your stories.  My comment was designed to make us all aware that your sister's perspective may be getting written somewhere as well, or passed on to her heirs, who end up thinking that you're the jerk.  It's probably also very likely that some of us on this board may be "Spork's Crazies".  And by "us", I definitely don't mean "me".  ;)
Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1481
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #621 on: August 03, 2016, 02:49:25 PM »

Grandma dies in her 90s after a few months of stepped up nursing home care, which mercifully cut short both her cognitive decline and the outflow of assets from the trust to the care facility. Grandma's will for her estate and the Trust are carefully poured over for instructions. The Trust allows for extra expenses from the estate to be paid with Trust funds and remaining funds are to be distributed to heirs per stirpes minus any outstanding loans. Grandma's estate is to be divided among the three surviving children, cutting myself and my siblings out entirely. Sis1 and my mom are outraged and Bro1 doesn't care as long as he gets money (which he won't). Sis2 pretends to be outraged, but takes the opportunity to also pretend she's magnanimous by declaring that she only wants a few items (never mind they are jewelry pieces holding almost half the value of the estate) and that my sibs and I should benefit from the estate (subtracted from Sis1 and Bro1's portion, natch).

That's not how per stirpes works. "Per stirpes" translates as "by branch" - if any of the original descendants is already dead, their share passes to their own descendants. In this case: Bro2 is dead, so his kids get his share. It does NOT go back into the pot for the remaining siblings.

I think the point was to illustrate that the terms of the trust were ignored from the beginning.
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

kayvent

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 466
  • Location: Canada
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #622 on: August 03, 2016, 02:54:42 PM »
What amazes me when I read this thread is: Just how many of us have a sibling exactly like what Paddedhat describes.   One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

I haven't given my full inheritance story here, as it just unfolded within the last few months (and still has little new dramas pop up).  It isn't altogether different from so many above, so I'll just refrain from long detailed story.

I had a dear acquittance who's father died a few years prior to me meeting him. It was a devastating lost to himself and his mother (he was about twelve at the time). They went to counselling, etc.... When I met him he jokingly, perhaps seriously, told me that his philosophy was to not associate with people who have not spoken to a therapist (psychologist? _I'm horrible with the titles in that field_). The rationale was simple: everyone has something wrong with them.

kayvent

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 466
  • Location: Canada
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #623 on: August 03, 2016, 03:09:40 PM »
The "4th Law" rocks.  After my dad announced that he and his 4th wife were divorcing, I looked him in the eye and said, "ya know, maybe it's you"  LOL. Thanks for laugh.

I think that is a lesson that many of us need to learn more regularly. The world may be messed up but sometimes when our lives our continually so, it may be use who are the issue.

My fourth year of university:
  • During a 48-hour programming contest, in the last 18 hours my teammembers basically collapsed and the team had to withdraw
  • For the ACM Programming contest qualifier when my school was deciding on three three-person teams to send, my teammates from the previous bullet petitioned the coach to not place me on a team with them. I also petitioned the coach to place any girls before me in our internal ranking _iff_ we were close in ranking (I wanted some gender diversity instead of fielding three three-man teams). These two things worked against me and despite ranking about tied for 2nd in our internal ranking, I effectively finished in 11th.
  • Final commerce project, someone got a bit frustrated at me.
  • Team effectively dissolved in final CS team project. In-fighting
  • Interviewed for a job at Company X. Did stellar at it. Didn't get position

A few months later I cold call Company X. I get hired. Fantastic job. Loved my colleagues. Months after being an employee my supervisor pulls me aside and says they have to be honest with me. They were the one that suggested not to hire me out of university and disagreed with my hiring. They said they sensed they wouldn't have worked well with me but the evidence after working alongside for months 'proved' otherwise. I explained their initial expectation was correct. I explained my last year of university to them and how I realized after graduating that it is almost impossible that all those things happened and I wasn't at fault for causing it. I looked at my self, contemplated ways to change and improve and it is that version that he liked working with.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2016, 06:45:11 PM by kayvent »

Inaya

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1229
  • Age: 32
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #624 on: August 03, 2016, 04:56:11 PM »
One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

Well, shit.
My Cleverly Titled Journal: http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/cleverly-titled-journal/
My Cat's Facebook Page (yes, really): www.facebook.com/chicagotau
Tau now has an Instagram: www.instagram.com/chicagotau or #chicagotau
Ting referral ($25 credit!): https://zds8505smfe.ting.com/
Discover Card referral ($50 now and $50 after your first year! and free credit monitoring): https://refer.discover.com/s/gv3ma

paddedhat

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1898
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #625 on: August 03, 2016, 05:51:59 PM »


When I said "we're  perpetuating a family feud" I meant the authors of the stories, including me.  Not anyone who is simply reading someone else's tale. 
PaddedHat, I'm sorry you have had this experience, and my comment wasn't intended to invalidate your stories.  My comment was designed to make us all aware that your sister's perspective may be getting written somewhere as well, or passed on to her heirs, who end up thinking that you're the jerk.  It's probably also very likely that some of us on this board may be "Spork's Crazies".  And by "us", I definitely don't mean "me".  ;)

Oh, I see what you are saying.  I never took your comments as invalidating anything anybody was writing, actually. The whole idea of a  mirrored reality, where the  other side is also banging away at the key board, venting about their bat shit crazy relatives, (who by their definition are you and I) is actually a pretty entertaining thought. It does have some basis in my case, as my sister has effectively burned all bridges to close relatives, mutual friends,  people who have never been involuntarily committed on psychatric holds, other gainfully employed rational adults, etc.....But,  I do receive the occasional report that she managed to strike up Facebook relationships with really strange, and/or very distant relatives. Maybe she is plotting something........................................

Paul der Krake

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3495
  • Age: 9
  • Location: WA
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #626 on: August 03, 2016, 09:12:20 PM »
Did Spork single-handedly ratcheted-up
One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

Well, shit.
Right? Not sure if Spork is the ultimate skilled troll or a astute scholar of highly uncomfortable truths.

*storms out to interrogate relatives*

TomTX

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2497
  • Location: Texas
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #627 on: August 04, 2016, 05:28:45 AM »
One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

Well, shit.

Only one? Woo!
Credit card signup bonuses:

$150 bonus on $500 spend for Chase Freedom:
https://www.referyourchasecard.com/2/MU4TDQ1N3K

$50 bonus (no min spend, just use it once) plus double all cash back at the end of 1 year for Discover, including the initial $50:
https://refer.discover.com/s/37e3u

$500 bonus on $4,000 spend for Chase Sapphire Preferred:
https://www.referyourchasecard.com/6/Z8JIP66H7G

elaine amj

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1535
  • Location: Ontario
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #628 on: August 04, 2016, 07:41:35 AM »
The "4th Law" rocks.  After my dad announced that he and his 4th wife were divorcing, I looked him in the eye and said, "ya know, maybe it's you"  LOL. Thanks for laugh.

I think that is a lesson that many of us need to learn more regularly. The world may be messed up but sometimes when our lives our continually so, it may be use who are the issue.

My fourth year of university:
  • During a 48-hour programming contest, in the last 18 hours my teammembers basically collapsed and the team had to withdraw
  • For the ACM Programming contest qualifier when my school was deciding on three three-person teams to send, my teammates from the previous bullet petitioned the coach to not place me on a team with them. I also petitioned the coach to place any girls before me in our internal ranking _iff_ we were close in ranking (I wanted some gender diversity instead of fielding three three-man teams). These two things worked against me and despite ranking about tied for 2nd in our internal ranking, I effectively finished in 11th.
  • Final commerce project, someone got a bit frustrated at me.
  • Team effectively dissolved in final CS team project. In-fighting
  • Interviewed for a job at Company X. Did stellar at it. Didn't get position

A few months later I cold call Company X. I get hired. Fantastic job. Loved my colleagues. Months after being an employee my supervisor pulls me aside and says they have to be honest with me. They were the one that suggested not to hire me out of university and disagreed with my hiring. They said they sensed they wouldn't have worked well with me but the evidence after working alongside for months 'proved' otherwise. I explained their initial expectation was correct. I explained my last year of university to them and how I realized after graduating that it is almost impossible that all those things happened and I wasn't at fault for causing it. I looked at my self, contemplated ways to change and improve and it is that version that he liked working with.

Good for you for taking an honest look at yourself and then determining to change. This is what I try to teach my children. My son complains that he "can't help" some of his more annoying traits. I am trying to teach him that if he wants to be a courteous, caring person that other people like to be around - it is actually possible to work on improving/eliminating annoying behavior. e.g. I grew up with a lot of sarcastic humor and most of of friendly teasing involved sarcasm. When I moved to Canada, I quickly discovered that it was not appreciated - particularly among people I had only known for a few months. It was hard and required some vigilance on my part but after many years, I did manage to curb most of those sarcastic tendencies and I am less likely to offend folks.

Inaya

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1229
  • Age: 32
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #629 on: August 04, 2016, 07:50:09 AM »
One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

Well, shit.

Only one? Woo!


I guess that's the  optimistic way of looking at it!
My Cleverly Titled Journal: http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/cleverly-titled-journal/
My Cat's Facebook Page (yes, really): www.facebook.com/chicagotau
Tau now has an Instagram: www.instagram.com/chicagotau or #chicagotau
Ting referral ($25 credit!): https://zds8505smfe.ting.com/
Discover Card referral ($50 now and $50 after your first year! and free credit monitoring): https://refer.discover.com/s/gv3ma

G-dog

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5866
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #630 on: August 04, 2016, 08:10:18 AM »
One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

Well, shit.

Only one? Woo!

Well played all!

K-ice

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 665
  • Location: Canada
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #631 on: August 04, 2016, 08:47:56 AM »
So as far as I can tell my cousin was the only one who was given a cheque at my Gramdma's celebration of life.

Our uncle (the executor of the will) discreetly passed it to her and said something like "Grandma was always looking out for you."

The reason, her father (my other uncle) was killed in an accident when we were teens.

In the end I don't think Gram had much left, thousands maybe, I would be surprised if it was tens of thousands.

Whatever the amount, I'm happy my cousin got it.



TravelJunkyQC

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 446
  • Age: 30
  • Location: Quťbec City, Canada
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #632 on: August 04, 2016, 09:53:07 AM »
One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

Well, shit.

How about if we're all a bit crazy?

Goldielocks

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4057
  • Location: BC
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #633 on: August 04, 2016, 10:17:39 AM »
Whenever I read the stories in this thread, I try to imagine the other person's perspective and how they would tell the story differently. 

When I hear from someone's kid about the circumstances of their parents' fair or unfair inheritances, I am even less inclined to believe we're getting the whole story. 

Some of these are funny and shocking, but the majority of them are just sad because we're  perpetuating a family feud of which we weren't even involved and thus cannot know the truth of the matter.

I disagree. By reading a first person account of a stranger's story, you perpetuate exactly nothing. You're not involved, will likely never get to know the author on a personal level, and you could quite possibly be reading totally fabricated fiction, for all that it matters. As for getting the whole story, it's an interesting thought. I contributed to this thread a long time ago. I am executor of my mother's estate. My half sister is a drug and alcohol addict, mentally ill, and suffers from a finely honed entitlement/victim delusion that was shaped by years of therapy with a string of "professionals" who taught her that your failures are always attributable to being wronged by others. The estate was carefully divided under the watchful eye of a number of lawyers, advocates and a trust representative. There is no way in hell that any rational person could claim, much less prove, that she wasn't treated fairly and to the letter of the law. As you note, she does have a very different perspective on the probate and how it has damaged her, and her future. In her mind, she had the family home stolen from her, and any liquid assets were her's alone, and to be used for her care, forever. The fact that her mother clearly directed that assets be divided equally among the three children, and that she directed that the family home be liquidated is meaningless to my sister. The fact that she would of been unable to keep any significant assets, and still be eligible for Medicaid or other state and federal aid, is meaningless to her. The fact that she would of possibly been forced to forfeit a million dollars in assets to repay these agencies is also not every going to be a part of her reality. So, like many of the Bat Shit crazy families that members here rant about, my sister has a very different perspective an opinion of our personal inheritance drama.  Is it rational to listen to both sides of the story, and reach a conclusion, when one side is not really "all there" due to substance abuse, mental illness, or much more commonly, having become obsessed with greed to the point that they are no longer rational?  Wene you hear a story of a multi-generational battle that wages on, since somebody is sure that they got screwed out of aunt Bessie's baby grand piano, in 1956, it says much about the human condition. Expecting that the "other side" of the story is a valuable and missing piece, can often lead to disappointment.

When I said "we're  perpetuating a family feud" I meant the authors of the stories, including me.  Not anyone who is simply reading someone else's tale. 

I disagree with this.  The anonymous internet lets a person get a story / viewpoint off their chest and out of their head, without harming anyone.  It is one of the best ways to let go an issue that has been bothering you....  A bit like a journal or writing a letter that you throw away.

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1481
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #634 on: August 04, 2016, 12:06:18 PM »
When somebody diddles with an inheritance or gift meant for someone else, they very seldom do it in order to be "bad" or to deliberately screw someone over. They invariably see what they do as fair, reasonable, and justified given their perspective and circumstance.

Estate thieves and bad executors never see themselves as incompetent or malicious. Maybe, in their minds, they're correcting a past wrong of some kind. Perhaps they're collecting what they believe is rightfully theirs because they've somehow earned it in a way someone else has it. Maybe they believe their need really is greater or more legitimate than other people's. But they genuinely don't see their depredations as screwing over other people or violating the intent of the deceased. In fact, they don't understand when the people they rip off object to it: if what they're doing is reasonable, the objections are evidence that the other person is being Unreasonable. In fact, when the relationship with the person they screw over is permanently ruptured, it often comes as a genuine surprise to the person who sabotaged it.
I squeak softly, but carry a big schtick.

PencilThinStash

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 189
  • Age: 27
  • Location: Chicago Suburbs
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #635 on: August 04, 2016, 01:06:17 PM »
One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

Well, shit.

How about if we're all a bit crazy?

That's my family. One of the uncles once custom printed a batch of t-shirts for us that said "(LastName) Family Reunion: You don't have to be crazy to be part of this family, but it sure helps!"

Also, everybody reading this - As a mustachian, you're definitely the crazy person in society's eyes.

frogger

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 160
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #636 on: August 04, 2016, 02:19:41 PM »

Grandma dies in her 90s after a few months of stepped up nursing home care, which mercifully cut short both her cognitive decline and the outflow of assets from the trust to the care facility. Grandma's will for her estate and the Trust are carefully poured over for instructions. The Trust allows for extra expenses from the estate to be paid with Trust funds and remaining funds are to be distributed to heirs per stirpes minus any outstanding loans. Grandma's estate is to be divided among the three surviving children, cutting myself and my siblings out entirely. Sis1 and my mom are outraged and Bro1 doesn't care as long as he gets money (which he won't). Sis2 pretends to be outraged, but takes the opportunity to also pretend she's magnanimous by declaring that she only wants a few items (never mind they are jewelry pieces holding almost half the value of the estate) and that my sibs and I should benefit from the estate (subtracted from Sis1 and Bro1's portion, natch).

That's not how per stirpes works. "Per stirpes" translates as "by branch" - if any of the original descendants is already dead, their share passes to their own descendants. In this case: Bro2 is dead, so his kids get his share. It does NOT go back into the pot for the remaining siblings.

I think the point was to illustrate that the terms of the trust were ignored from the beginning.
Almost. The Trust and Grandma's estate were two separate entities, each with different pots of assets and different terms, which Bro1 and Sis2 were almost constantly muddying. My actual monetary inheritance came from the Trust with the four-way per stirpes split minus loans, while the couch came from the estate with the three-way surviving children split because no one wanted to go through the process of liquidating all the furniture and jewelry. I think technically the couch came from Sis1's share.

Wilson Hall

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 145
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #637 on: August 05, 2016, 02:38:53 PM »
One of my sayings always was (let's call this Spork's 4th law): "Every family has a crazy. If you look at your family and do not see someone that is bat shit crazy: it's you."

Well, shit.

How about if we're all a bit crazy?

That's my family. One of the uncles once custom printed a batch of t-shirts for us that said "(LastName) Family Reunion: You don't have to be crazy to be part of this family, but it sure helps!"

Also, everybody reading this - As a mustachian, you're definitely the crazy person in society's eyes.

I like this!

On the other hand, as a mustachian, I like to believe that not counting on any inheritance and saving for retirement accordingly makes me more rational than most.

With This Herring

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 999
  • Location: New York STATE, not city
  • TANSTAAFL!
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #638 on: August 05, 2016, 02:43:13 PM »


When I said "we're  perpetuating a family feud" I meant the authors of the stories, including me.  Not anyone who is simply reading someone else's tale. 
PaddedHat, I'm sorry you have had this experience, and my comment wasn't intended to invalidate your stories.  My comment was designed to make us all aware that your sister's perspective may be getting written somewhere as well, or passed on to her heirs, who end up thinking that you're the jerk.  It's probably also very likely that some of us on this board may be "Spork's Crazies".  And by "us", I definitely don't mean "me".  ;)

Oh, I see what you are saying.  I never took your comments as invalidating anything anybody was writing, actually. The whole idea of a  mirrored reality, where the  other side is also banging away at the key board, venting about their bat shit crazy relatives, (who by their definition are you and I) is actually a pretty entertaining thought. It does have some basis in my case, as my sister has effectively burned all bridges to close relatives, mutual friends,  people who have never been involuntarily committed on psychatric holds, other gainfully employed rational adults, etc.....But,  I do receive the occasional report that she managed to strike up Facebook relationships with really strange, and/or very distant relatives. Maybe she is plotting something........................................

Just one more point:
Every so often, you will read someone's first-person account of Drama, and you will realize that the Teller is DEFINITELY the one in the wrong.  It's kind of funny, really, that someone's description that is so clearly biased towards themselves also points them out as the ultimately guilty party.  And then you think, "Wow, if this is the impression I get from Teller's words, what the heck would the Other Side sound like?"  I haven't seen it happen often on this forum, but if you look at sites like etiquettehell.com, you will see it occasionally.
Because your toaster got hacked because you tried to watch porn on your blender.

6-year CPA currently on hiatus.  Botched this.  Working again. 
Go soak your beans.  You know you keep forgetting.

Frankies Girl

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2396
  • Age: 2012
  • Typical Ghoul Next Door
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #639 on: August 05, 2016, 03:12:08 PM »
Just one more point:
Every so often, you will read someone's first-person account of Drama, and you will realize that the Teller is DEFINITELY the one in the wrong.  It's kind of funny, really, that someone's description that is so clearly biased towards themselves also points them out as the ultimately guilty party.  And then you think, "Wow, if this is the impression I get from Teller's words, what the heck would the Other Side sound like?"  I haven't seen it happen often on this forum, but if you look at sites like etiquettehell.com, you will see it occasionally.


You mean like this?


Just mind-blowingly clueless about how totally inappropriate and disgusting this was. Wow. Trainwreck douchecanoe there, and I hope to high heaven the girlfriend dumped his ass the instant she got home.

I frequently have no idea what I'm talking about. Like now.

FIREd as of: March 6th, 2015!

SwordGuy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3071
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
    • Flipping Fayetteville
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #640 on: August 05, 2016, 07:09:21 PM »
Just one more point:
Every so often, you will read someone's first-person account of Drama, and you will realize that the Teller is DEFINITELY the one in the wrong.  It's kind of funny, really, that someone's description that is so clearly biased towards themselves also points them out as the ultimately guilty party.  And then you think, "Wow, if this is the impression I get from Teller's words, what the heck would the Other Side sound like?"  I haven't seen it happen often on this forum, but if you look at sites like etiquettehell.com, you will see it occasionally.

You mean like this?


Just mind-blowingly clueless about how totally inappropriate and disgusting this was. Wow. Trainwreck douchecanoe there, and I hope to high heaven the girlfriend dumped his ass the instant she got home.

Golly.   

With This Herring

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 999
  • Location: New York STATE, not city
  • TANSTAAFL!
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #641 on: August 06, 2016, 10:22:09 AM »
Just one more point:
Every so often, you will read someone's first-person account of Drama, and you will realize that the Teller is DEFINITELY the one in the wrong.  It's kind of funny, really, that someone's description that is so clearly biased towards themselves also points them out as the ultimately guilty party.  And then you think, "Wow, if this is the impression I get from Teller's words, what the heck would the Other Side sound like?"  I haven't seen it happen often on this forum, but if you look at sites like etiquettehell.com, you will see it occasionally.


You mean like this?


Just mind-blowingly clueless about how totally inappropriate and disgusting this was. Wow. Trainwreck douchecanoe there, and I hope to high heaven the girlfriend dumped his ass the instant she got home.

Oh yes, that's it on the nose. Wow.  I kind of want a thread of just these stories, as it is just so fascinating to see that utter lack of self-awareness.

DBF found this one in some "Best of Reddit" post.
Because your toaster got hacked because you tried to watch porn on your blender.

6-year CPA currently on hiatus.  Botched this.  Working again. 
Go soak your beans.  You know you keep forgetting.

geekette

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1538
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #642 on: August 06, 2016, 09:07:08 PM »
Not really drama, but we've got an unusual situation (I think).  DH got a letter from the trustee of an estate today, and his share is <2% of said estate.  The money, fine, he'll be happy to take that, but he also will get the same small percentage of a dozen properties in and around a small town in NC, some of which is vacant land, some is vacant buildings, and some, I believe, is rented.  So now there will be over 40 people, spread out across the country, who each own a small amount of this bunch of real estate.

At this point, we don't even know if the rents will cover taxes and maintenance, and nothing really sells in that area.  Plus, trying to get over 3 dozen people to agree on anything...  Is it possible to say "no thanks" to the real estate part and keep the cash?

secondcor521

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1012
  • Age: 48
  • Location: Boise, Idaho
  • Big cattle, no hat.
    • Age of Eon - Overwatch player videos
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #643 on: August 07, 2016, 12:40:54 AM »
Is it possible to say "no thanks" to the real estate part and keep the cash?

I'm no expert, but perhaps a partial disclaimer will work.
Like Overwatch?  Check out this YouTube channel:  http://bit.ly/AgeOfEon

TomTX

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2497
  • Location: Texas
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #644 on: August 07, 2016, 06:38:07 AM »
Not really drama, but we've got an unusual situation (I think).  DH got a letter from the trustee of an estate today, and his share is <2% of said estate.  The money, fine, he'll be happy to take that, but he also will get the same small percentage of a dozen properties in and around a small town in NC, some of which is vacant land, some is vacant buildings, and some, I believe, is rented.  So now there will be over 40 people, spread out across the country, who each own a small amount of this bunch of real estate.

At this point, we don't even know if the rents will cover taxes and maintenance, and nothing really sells in that area.  Plus, trying to get over 3 dozen people to agree on anything...  Is it possible to say "no thanks" to the real estate part and keep the cash?

Get the estate to liquidate the real estate and distribute cash. Or at the very least put the beneficiaries in touch so that you can sell off your share (if you go cheap enough, someone will want it.)

Seriously.
Credit card signup bonuses:

$150 bonus on $500 spend for Chase Freedom:
https://www.referyourchasecard.com/2/MU4TDQ1N3K

$50 bonus (no min spend, just use it once) plus double all cash back at the end of 1 year for Discover, including the initial $50:
https://refer.discover.com/s/37e3u

$500 bonus on $4,000 spend for Chase Sapphire Preferred:
https://www.referyourchasecard.com/6/Z8JIP66H7G

DeepEllumStache

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2463
  • Age: 34
  • Location: Dallas
  • Formerly of the Deep Ellum Variety
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #645 on: August 07, 2016, 08:49:28 AM »
Not really drama, but we've got an unusual situation (I think).  DH got a letter from the trustee of an estate today, and his share is <2% of said estate.  The money, fine, he'll be happy to take that, but he also will get the same small percentage of a dozen properties in and around a small town in NC, some of which is vacant land, some is vacant buildings, and some, I believe, is rented.  So now there will be over 40 people, spread out across the country, who each own a small amount of this bunch of real estate.

At this point, we don't even know if the rents will cover taxes and maintenance, and nothing really sells in that area.  Plus, trying to get over 3 dozen people to agree on anything...  Is it possible to say "no thanks" to the real estate part and keep the cash?

Get the estate to liquidate the real estate and distribute cash. Or at the very least put the beneficiaries in touch so that you can sell off your share (if you go cheap enough, someone will want it.)

Seriously.

Getting that many people to ever agree will be a nightmare. A friend of mine spent about 10 years untangling a situation where about 10 family members inherited a property. It was ridiculous.
And a journal because I #REF occasionally

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2737
  • Location: Emmaus, PA
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #646 on: August 07, 2016, 09:19:50 AM »
Not really drama, but we've got an unusual situation (I think).  DH got a letter from the trustee of an estate today, and his share is <2% of said estate.  The money, fine, he'll be happy to take that, but he also will get the same small percentage of a dozen properties in and around a small town in NC, some of which is vacant land, some is vacant buildings, and some, I believe, is rented.  So now there will be over 40 people, spread out across the country, who each own a small amount of this bunch of real estate.

At this point, we don't even know if the rents will cover taxes and maintenance, and nothing really sells in that area.  Plus, trying to get over 3 dozen people to agree on anything...  Is it possible to say "no thanks" to the real estate part and keep the cash?

Get the estate to liquidate the real estate and distribute cash. Or at the very least put the beneficiaries in touch so that you can sell off your share (if you go cheap enough, someone will want it.)

Seriously.

Getting that many people to ever agree will be a nightmare. A friend of mine spent about 10 years untangling a situation where about 10 family members inherited a property. It was ridiculous.

And what if somebody breaks their face on one of the properties - do you want to be involved in a lawsuit in North Carolina? It might be worth paying a North Carolina real estate lawyer for a day to see if you can un-claim all of them.

lemanfan

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 590
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #647 on: August 07, 2016, 10:25:30 AM »


DBF found this one in some "Best of Reddit" post.

Oh my god.  And the same person posted this just a few days ago...


Playing with Fire UK

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1571
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #648 on: August 07, 2016, 11:43:23 AM »


DBF found this one in some "Best of Reddit" post.

Oh my god.  And the same person posted this just a few days ago...

Wow, that is horrifying.

Pooperman

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2592
  • Age: 27
  • Location: North Carolina
Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #649 on: August 07, 2016, 11:44:05 AM »


DBF found this one in some "Best of Reddit" post.

Oh my god.  And the same person posted this just a few days ago...

Wow, that is horrifying.

TIL: /r/shoplisting exists.