In the middle of a situation filled with abuse, social workers, lawyers, and a dickbag of an uncle, I though that the thoughtfulness of how she split up material belongings showed a lot of grace.
I find the phrase "dickbag of an uncle" strangely hilarious, but I am sorry you have one...an uncle who is a dickbag, I mean.
Sometimes standard insults are just not sufficient. ;)
Love this insult! :) I can apply it to two brothers, both who showed their dickbagginess the last few years of our mother's life. Hopefully, this will help others avoid this problem.
My parents had a revocable living trust with a pour over will in place when my dad died. Everything went to my mom. The problem begins when mom shows signs of dementia immediately after my dad's funeral. The short story is the 2 brothers had frequent economic outpatient care from our parents before and after my dad's death. The disturbing part was when the 2 brothers decided they were immediately entitled to the proceeds from selling the farm because they had a penis. They were unable to have the proceeds titled in their name (mom is still alive) but proceeded to trade stocks and mutual funds as if the money was theirs. Brother 1 had also signed a promissory note for $25K to invest in his "business."
The worst part was when Brother 1 takes mom to a new attorney and has the living revocable trust rewritten to exclude me and my sister. All proceeds from the estate would go to the 2 brothers. Brother 1 has the trust rewritten again to exclude Brother 2. All this is happening while mom's dementia is getting worse. She admitted in a lawyer's office she didn't understand what she had signed. Fortunately, about 2 months later, she has a moment of clarity and demands that the original trust be reinstated. She paid for all 3 revisions of the trust and Brother 1 continues to get money from her (she can't say no).
The only consolation for my sister and I is that mom kept records of some of the amounts she gave to Brother 1. We had the $25,000 promissory note, which he repaid $0 and copies of checks and wire transfers that were sent to him. A clause in the trust allowed my sister and I as co-trustees, to deduct the gifts and amount borrowed from his inheritance. Brother 2 had his economic outpatient care in the form of cash, because he lived close, so we could not document any amount for equalization.
I'm not a lawyer, this isn't legal advice and don't know if this will work in every state. Here's the clause in her trust
Grantor wishes to make certain monetary gifts during Grantor's lifetime to one or more of Grantor's children. Records of said gifts will be located within Grantor's personal papers. In the event that Grantor has made such gifts, upon final distribution, Grantor directs that a like sum, equal to the amount of the gifts, be distributed to each of Grantor's other children listed in paragraph (c) below. The intent of this paragraph is to equalize the distributions among Grantor's children and this paragraph should be construed to effect this equalizing distribution. Grantor trusts the Trustees in setting the amounts for distribution under this paragraph and no person shall challenge the exercise of this discretion by the Trustees.
This clause will be included in my trust on it's next revision. I don't anticipate any problems with my heirs but better safe than sorry. Sharing a copy of the trust and net worth statement with my children every 2-3 years is also part of my plan. There are no secrets.