Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 322571 times)

okits

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #50 on: January 02, 2016, 07:56:55 PM »
My Dad died very suddenly 30 years ago. My older sister and her husband lived nearby and drove Mom around to the mortuary and cemetery to make the arrangements while I stayed home to field the phone. (I was 20 and in college.)
When they returned home, sister and BIL caught me alone and asked, "Does Mom have any money?"
I knew my parents frugal ways as well as I knew their spendthrift ways so I answered evasively, "I don't know. Why?"
"Well, you know, Mom's so upset that we've paid for everything today but we don't know if Mom has any money to pay us back."
"I don't know. You'll have to ask her."

Once they left, I told Mom about the exchange. She silently got up and brought back her checkbook, where she--as always--had meticulously recorded every expense that she had paid that day.
I have no idea what they thought they might get or why.

They moved out of state several years later and didn't bother to visit Mom for 16 years. When she finally did visit, my sister took the opportunity to ask my Mom who was going to get the house. Mom told her that she was leaving it to me since I was the only one who had been there for her. Sister stormed out of the house and didn't return, not even for Mom's funeral last year.

Mom left her and my brother $25K each. She told me many times, "They don't deserve anything, but if I don't give them something they'll never leave you alone."

Right after the cashier's check cleared, BIL posted a picture of his shiny new pickup on his Facebook page.

She knew them very well indeed.

In this thread of horribly sad stories, I'm glad that, at least, your mom was smart.
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One Noisy Cat

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #51 on: January 02, 2016, 08:11:50 PM »
     The only real problem with my father's estate from 10 years ago we discovered about a year and a half ago New York State had some $246 of his in unclaimed funds. They have given my brother in Florida who handled the paperwork such a run around in submitting and resubmitting documents that he has given up. With three of us, it's only $82  each and we never had any conflicts between the three of us. Actually I wanted the treadmill he had but his caregiver asked for it (and her husband wanted Dad's M1 rifle from WWII) so I figured she deserved it.  So if that is the worst, we've been pretty lucky.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #52 on: January 02, 2016, 08:15:21 PM »
This makes me so grateful for my family...

Homey The Clown

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #53 on: January 02, 2016, 08:35:04 PM »
It hasn't yet, but the future is going to be very interesting indeed. MIL and FIL are still married, but FIL lives with his girlfriend. They have some joint assets as well as individual retirement investments. They are fairly old at 76 and 79. Whoever outlives the other gets almost everything. MIL will definitely leave everything to the kids (my wife and BIL), but FIL is a wildcard who could leave it to his girlfriend even if she doesn't need it. On top of this, BIL is a score keeper who has always considered my wife to be the favored child. This extended to the point of comparing the tuitions at their private high schools and their universities. I assume he doesn't do that anymore because he has lived in their rental house, rent free, for the last 15 years. He asked MIL and she said no, so he asked FIL who said yes. This is a guy who posted to FB that college was a waster of time (MIL is not on FB) and that he wanted to be a wizard and ninja when he grew up and now teaches magic and karate. He then slammed government workers, which includes my wife and both his parents, and me, sort of (teach at a public college).

I really have no idea how all this will play out, but it will be very interesting.

UnleashHell

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #54 on: January 02, 2016, 08:55:07 PM »
lets call her Grace.
because its a nice name.

and she was my grandmother.

Tough old bird - born and raised in toxteth, Liverpool. not a place know for soft people. she married my grandfather and moved out of Toxteth (not a bad move) and raised 3 girls. hard working. good provider but a total nut job when it came to family. she had fallen out with everyone.
anyway - grandad gets sick and the call is made to move to the country for his health. he dies a few years later. 3 grown kids at that stage.

my mother is the youngest and falls out with Grace because my mother married someone who called grace out for being a manipulate bitch. Grace had some nice life insurance taken out on her husband. she's in good shape and lets everyone know.

she ends up meeting someone else and marrying them. took nice life insurance out on them and let everyone know. Hubby 2 dies.

She them starts using the fact that she has all the money to whip the 3 girls and their families into line. do this for grace or I'll cut you out of the will. Do that for grace or you'll be cut out of the will.

I went and stayed with her and she started in on my old man so badly (the one who called her out) that i told her to go fuck herself. nobody talked to me about my father like that, especially about 20 year old make up grievances.   
I never talked to her again.

2 out of the 3 girls and their families pandered to her. did everything for her , regardless of what she said about them.
she ends up dying and true to her word she used the inheritance to benefit those that had done as she said and run their lives according to what she wanted.


Problem for them was that Grace only left thousands. not 10's or 100's of thousands - just thousands.

I got nothing. my parents got nothing.
It was worth it.
_____________
JTF 96

Lookilu

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #55 on: January 02, 2016, 09:12:50 PM »

Mom left her and my brother $25K each. She told me many times, "They don't deserve anything, but if I don't give them something they'll never leave you alone."


I'm sorry for your loss, your mother sounds like an amazing person. She also sounds wise, had she cut your sister out, it's possible she could have contested the will and caused mischief.

Thank you, MgoSam. Mom lived to be 91 and she was indeed a member of the Greatest Generation. She and my Dad worked hard for all they had.
I'm actually grateful that my sister's behavior was so blatant since that motivated Mom to set up a living trust and pour-over will to ensure that her wishes were fulfilled. It made settling her estate much easier.

Lookilu

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #56 on: January 02, 2016, 09:18:15 PM »
My Dad died very suddenly 30 years ago. My older sister and her husband lived nearby and drove Mom around to the mortuary and cemetery to make the arrangements while I stayed home to field the phone. (I was 20 and in college.)
When they returned home, sister and BIL caught me alone and asked, "Does Mom have any money?"
I knew my parents frugal ways as well as I knew their spendthrift ways so I answered evasively, "I don't know. Why?"
"Well, you know, Mom's so upset that we've paid for everything today but we don't know if Mom has any money to pay us back."
"I don't know. You'll have to ask her."

Once they left, I told Mom about the exchange. She silently got up and brought back her checkbook, where she--as always--had meticulously recorded every expense that she had paid that day.
I have no idea what they thought they might get or why.

They moved out of state several years later and didn't bother to visit Mom for 16 years. When she finally did visit, my sister took the opportunity to ask my Mom who was going to get the house. Mom told her that she was leaving it to me since I was the only one who had been there for her. Sister stormed out of the house and didn't return, not even for Mom's funeral last year.

Mom left her and my brother $25K each. She told me many times, "They don't deserve anything, but if I don't give them something they'll never leave you alone."

Right after the cashier's check cleared, BIL posted a picture of his shiny new pickup on his Facebook page.

She knew them very well indeed.

In this thread of horribly sad stories, I'm glad that, at least, your mom was smart.
She was. I'm so grateful that she made the decisions--and took the legal actions--that she did.

okits

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #57 on: January 02, 2016, 09:49:10 PM »
I got nothing. my parents got nothing.
It was worth it.

Only story in this thread to put a smile on my face.  Big fist pump that you and your parents weren't for sale, even when you thought Grace had bags of money.  (Problem with being for sale is that even if the price is high, part of you will always feel cheap.)
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10dollarsatatime

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #58 on: January 02, 2016, 10:40:33 PM »
My maternal grandfather died a few years ago.  The money side of things was relatively drama free, although I don't think he had updated his will recently.  He left a big chunk to his youngest daughter to get her going... except she was married to a successful guy and nearly finished becoming an RN at the time.  The little bit of drama came from the crazy aunt who was upset that he had just left his kids money instead of setting up an education trust for the grandkids, which is something he had talked about doing.  Didn't get around to setting it up though, which is another reason I don't think he had looked at his will.

I got what I wanted... one of his big toolboxes.  I keep his picture inside the lid.

The real drama came a few weeks after the funeral, when my mother found out crazy aunt was mad at her...  My mom is used to planning things and taking charge, which is what she ended up doing with the funeral.  Apparently at some point he had told crazy aunt she could plan the funeral, so she went off speaking terms with my mom for months for usurping her directorial authority.

On a lighter note... and just because I like telling this story... my mom and her sisters all met at and stayed at grandpa's house the week prior to the funeral.  My family is full of snark.  Full.  The day after they all arrived, there was a knock at the door.  My mother opened to a guy in a UPS uniform, who very awkwardly asked if someone in the home had just passed away.  My mother, in her best form, replied, "Yes.  Are you here for the body?"  It took a minute for the aunts to stop laughing uncontrollably...  Turns out that the UPS guy was the bishop for my grandpa's LDS ward.  My mom still feels kind of bad about it. :)

LeRainDrop

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #59 on: January 03, 2016, 09:40:00 AM »
On a lighter note... and just because I like telling this story... my mom and her sisters all met at and stayed at grandpa's house the week prior to the funeral.  My family is full of snark.  Full.  The day after they all arrived, there was a knock at the door.  My mother opened to a guy in a UPS uniform, who very awkwardly asked if someone in the home had just passed away.  My mother, in her best form, replied, "Yes.  Are you here for the body?"  It took a minute for the aunts to stop laughing uncontrollably...  Turns out that the UPS guy was the bishop for my grandpa's LDS ward.  My mom still feels kind of bad about it. :)

Oh man, that's awfully funny!

frugledoc

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #60 on: January 03, 2016, 12:54:13 PM »
There is probably a best selling book buried in this thread already

davisgang90

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #61 on: January 03, 2016, 01:04:47 PM »
Had a very quirky uncle with four children and would routinely rewrite his will to remove a child based on some real or perceived slight.  Happened over and over.

He passed away very unexpectedly and when they read his most recent will, he had written out his oldest child, who has been wheelchair bound for over 30 years and is an absolute sweetheart.  She was flabbergasted and had no idea why. 

The happy ending is the other three children said "F That" and agreed to split his assets 4-ways.
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MandalayVA

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #62 on: January 03, 2016, 01:25:08 PM »
I just learned about this--apparently when my father-in-law was literally hours away from death my two youngest sisters-in-law were going around his house putting different-colored sticky notes on the furniture they wanted, which was most of it.  Sigh.
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MgoSam

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #63 on: January 03, 2016, 01:28:53 PM »

The happy ending is the other three children said "F That" and agreed to split his assets 4-ways.

That's awesome! I'm glad that the siblings were good about this.

sunday

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #64 on: January 03, 2016, 01:43:36 PM »
Great thread, even if some of the stories are terrifying. Good reminder to tell parents to update their will however they think best, but with the ultimate goal of not letting stupid money matters be a cause of family pitted against one another. We're in our 30's and don't have any kids who would fight over our estate if we happened to perish at the same time, but we need to make a will nonetheless, since we wouldn't want to leave our families the task of untangling and dividing our earthly belongings.

Riff

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #65 on: January 03, 2016, 08:03:54 PM »
Last year at this time my family was going through this when my grandfather passed away.  He had two children, my dad and my uncle.  My dad had everything set up in a trust and had power of attorney; everything was prepared.  Or so we thought (saw that coming, eh?).

The bulk of the estate was his lakefront property where he lived for the past 50+ years.  Originally, he moved in to take care of his mother after his father passed away, and when she died the house went to my grandfather with his sister's blessing (the only other sibling).  This was in 1976.

Fast forward to last year, the sale of the house is pending when the title shows up with his sister's name on it.  Ugh!  My grandfather told my dad several times that it was taken care of and that the property was transferred into the trust, but clearly, that never happened.  Apparently what happened was way back when, the judge thought it was a mistake that the property only went into my grandfather's name and he added his sister to it.  No one knew this.

Grandpa's sister passed away a few years ago, so there was no way for her to sign off on it properly.  Instead, her three daughters would have to.  Two of the three said absolutely, no problem, that's the right thing to do.  The third sister could smell the money and refused to sign off.  My dad was going pretty crazy at this point.  Thankfully, the other sisters were able to convince (shame?) their reluctant sister into doing the right thing.  She signed and everything went smooth after that.  It could've been a very messy situation though.  They would've had to re-open their mother's estate, and the lawyers would've been involved, and they have a way to eat up estates.

elaine amj

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #66 on: January 03, 2016, 08:24:59 PM »
Had a very quirky uncle with four children and would routinely rewrite his will to remove a child based on some real or perceived slight.  Happened over and over.

He passed away very unexpectedly and when they read his most recent will, he had written out his oldest child, who has been wheelchair bound for over 30 years and is an absolute sweetheart.  She was flabbergasted and had no idea why. 

The happy ending is the other three children said "F That" and agreed to split his assets 4-ways.

The siblings put a smile on my face :)

onehair

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #67 on: January 04, 2016, 07:31:10 AM »
When my great grandmother died in an asylum in 1964 the land she owned came to my grandfather and his elder brother.  Somehow the elder brother managed to sell it, pocket the money and cut my grandfather out.  They barely spoke after that until his death in 1977.  I don't know if she had a will or how he did it.  Considering the circumstances she died in I doubt it.


greytbigdog

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #68 on: January 04, 2016, 07:40:07 AM »
Oohh, a thread I can contribute to!

My Grandmother (mum's side) was a manipulative cow.  She liked playing all 4 daughters against each other.  One was always on the outs. She also liked to play the "you are in/out of the will" game.  20 years ago, Mum is told she is out of the will for getting a divorce.

Bad relationships continue between Grandmum and slowly everyone else.  By the end, my mum is one of the only ones talking to her – mostly because my mum is in healthcare and is useful to her again.  Zero grandkids will talk to her, so there is no funeral.

It comes out during the will reading, that my mum was in the will the whole time and was only removed two years before when she forgot to send Grandmum flowers for her birthday. 

2 of my mum’s sisters share their inheritance with my mum, but the richest one will not.  Rich aunt has also took all the good antiques & paintings while Grandmum was in the hospital.  When confronted by her sisters, she was given the ultimatum to return the items to have any relationship with them – she picked the furniture over her sisters. Richest aunt had already inherited a $700,000 house and a cottage from her in-laws. 

Pigeon

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #69 on: January 04, 2016, 10:33:52 AM »
My MIL is elderly and has a chronic medical condition, which makes it very likely she will die within a year or two.  She also has some dementia She is now living with BIL, one of several sons.  My dh is set up in her trust to be the executor, and the trust is written to divide the estate equally between the sons.  We have been working to clear out her house in preparation for putting it on the market, because she cannot live alone at this point.

BIL calls us up the other day.  His son (one of MIL's many grandchildren) would like to buy MIL's house.  There is one small problem.  Son is very unlikely to qualify for sufficient mortgage to pay the fair market value on the house.  BIL has a brilliant idea.  The sale should be an owner finance, never mind that the owner is likely to be dead within two years.  MIL may also need funds for her care as her situation deteriorates.

Having no interest in holding a mortgage for my nephew for many years to come, dh tells BIL this is a non-starter.  Hectoring ensues.  BIL keeps insisting that this is a brilliant way to keep the wealth within the family by avoiding listing fees.  Yeah, keep the wealth within HIS family, while we take on the risk of nephew who isn't qualified for the mortgage.

Neustache

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #70 on: January 04, 2016, 10:46:40 AM »
I have one, but it's long and complicated, and it makes people who are otherwise good and wonderful look bad, so I won't tell it here.  I'll just say this:  even really good people can act crazy when they think they are entitled to something. 

Mostly posting to follow. 

soupcxan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #71 on: January 04, 2016, 10:54:30 AM »
he wanted to be a wizard and ninja when he grew up and now teaches magic and karate.

99.999% of kids who want to grow up to be an astronaut or professional athlete fail...it sounds like this guy accomplished his goals almost exactly...how many people do you know who can honestly say that?

BlueHouse

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #72 on: January 04, 2016, 11:05:47 AM »
I mentioned to my brother that if I have any money at the time of my death, I will be leaving it to charity.  He became furious - FURIOUS - that I would give it to strangers over his children. 
Now I really have to get a decent will made.  My current one leaves all my belongings to my sister, assuming she would split it up between others as appropriate. Sister has excellent judgement and no need for my money.  I don't want to leave her with problems and animosity and headaches. 
Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand

Neustache

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #73 on: January 04, 2016, 11:09:36 AM »
@bluehouse

I hope that means you are changing it to specifically make sure it all goes to charities.  LOL.  I'm stubborn that way and it would be my reaction to anyone thinking they have a right to the fruit of my hard work.  Plus, there's loads of amazing charities out there. 

elaine amj

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #74 on: January 04, 2016, 11:18:07 AM »
My MIL is elderly and has a chronic medical condition, which makes it very likely she will die within a year or two.  She also has some dementia She is now living with BIL, one of several sons.  My dh is set up in her trust to be the executor, and the trust is written to divide the estate equally between the sons.  We have been working to clear out her house in preparation for putting it on the market, because she cannot live alone at this point.

BIL calls us up the other day.  His son (one of MIL's many grandchildren) would like to buy MIL's house.  There is one small problem.  Son is very unlikely to qualify for sufficient mortgage to pay the fair market value on the house.  BIL has a brilliant idea.  The sale should be an owner finance, never mind that the owner is likely to be dead within two years.  MIL may also need funds for her care as her situation deteriorates.

Having no interest in holding a mortgage for my nephew for many years to come, dh tells BIL this is a non-starter.  Hectoring ensues.  BIL keeps insisting that this is a brilliant way to keep the wealth within the family by avoiding listing fees.  Yeah, keep the wealth within HIS family, while we take on the risk of nephew who isn't qualified for the mortgage.

Why don't you tell your BIL you have an even more brilliant idea - he can buy his siblings out (if there is any other inheritance money over and above the house, he can use that money) and then he can owner-finance his son's purchase (since he feels his son is a worthwhile risk). That way he can keep the wealth in his family.

Win-win.

infogoon

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #75 on: January 04, 2016, 11:19:48 AM »
Posting to follow. Not for the first time, I'm glad my family's not wealthy.

Cookie78

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #76 on: January 04, 2016, 11:21:44 AM »
I mentioned to my brother that if I have any money at the time of my death, I will be leaving it to charity.  He became furious - FURIOUS - that I would give it to strangers over his children. 
Now I really have to get a decent will made.  My current one leaves all my belongings to my sister, assuming she would split it up between others as appropriate. Sister has excellent judgement and no need for my money.  I don't want to leave her with problems and animosity and headaches.

Yikes! I did the same and gave the majority to my mom to split it as she sees fit. Perhaps I'd better rethink this plan also.

crispy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #77 on: January 04, 2016, 11:25:00 AM »
Posting to follow. Not for the first time, I'm glad my family's not wealthy.

My family isn't wealthy either (like, laughably not wealthy), but that didn't stop them from getting on the crazy train when they though money was involved even if was a small amount.

ncornilsen

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #78 on: January 04, 2016, 11:32:00 AM »
forgot, family members lurk here. 

Pigeon

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #79 on: January 04, 2016, 12:24:10 PM »
My MIL is elderly and has a chronic medical condition, which makes it very likely she will die within a year or two.  She also has some dementia She is now living with BIL, one of several sons.  My dh is set up in her trust to be the executor, and the trust is written to divide the estate equally between the sons.  We have been working to clear out her house in preparation for putting it on the market, because she cannot live alone at this point.

BIL calls us up the other day.  His son (one of MIL's many grandchildren) would like to buy MIL's house.  There is one small problem.  Son is very unlikely to qualify for sufficient mortgage to pay the fair market value on the house.  BIL has a brilliant idea.  The sale should be an owner finance, never mind that the owner is likely to be dead within two years.  MIL may also need funds for her care as her situation deteriorates.

Having no interest in holding a mortgage for my nephew for many years to come, dh tells BIL this is a non-starter.  Hectoring ensues.  BIL keeps insisting that this is a brilliant way to keep the wealth within the family by avoiding listing fees.  Yeah, keep the wealth within HIS family, while we take on the risk of nephew who isn't qualified for the mortgage.

Why don't you tell your BIL you have an even more brilliant idea - he can buy his siblings out (if there is any other inheritance money over and above the house, he can use that money) and then he can owner-finance his son's purchase (since he feels his son is a worthwhile risk). That way he can keep the wealth in his family.

Win-win.

We did suggest exactly that.  Alternatively, BIL could co-sign a loan for his son and thus assume the risk of default for himself.  BIL didn't seem nearly as interested.  We would like to get the house on the market now though, and not wait for MIL to pass because it is expensive to maintain and routine maintenance, yard work, snow removal, etc., all fall to my husband and it has gotten old.

thingamabobs

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #80 on: January 04, 2016, 12:43:05 PM »


We did suggest exactly that.  Alternatively, BIL could co-sign a loan for his son and thus assume the risk of default for himself. BIL didn't seem nearly as interested.  We would like to get the house on the market now though, and not wait for MIL to pass because it is expensive to maintain and routine maintenance, yard work, snow removal, etc., all fall to my husband and it has gotten old.
[/quote]
Isn't that typical, though. It's a good idea until you have to assume the risk yourself.

NorCal

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #81 on: January 04, 2016, 12:45:30 PM »
My family is still wading through a well intentioned but poorly thought out will from my grandparents on my mom's side.

They owned three properties.  Two cattle ranches, and the house they lived in.  Two siblings lived on the separate cattle ranches, and the third (my mom) eventually moved into the grandparents former house.

Unfortunately, my grandparents divided ownership of each property 1/3 to each sibling.  So every sibling is now living on a property that is jointly owned by their two siblings.  In addition, the cattle ranches are minor income-producing assets.  So the people living on and working the ranches have some undefined obligation (in my passive aggressive family) to share their earned ranch income with siblings that aren't working on the ranch.

After a few years and a semi-successful business deal between the siblings, they ended up suing each other and don't talk to each other anymore.  Some are paying rents to others based on old rental deals, and others have defaulted on their mortgage obligations of the properties out of spite, knowing the others will pay the bank instead of letting the property fall into default.

elaine amj

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #82 on: January 04, 2016, 12:59:21 PM »
We did suggest exactly that.  Alternatively, BIL could co-sign a loan for his son and thus assume the risk of default for himself.  BIL didn't seem nearly as interested. 

LOL - that's exactly what I thought would happen.

My family is still wading through a well intentioned but poorly thought out will from my grandparents on my mom's side.

They owned three properties.  Two cattle ranches, and the house they lived in.  Two siblings lived on the separate cattle ranches, and the third (my mom) eventually moved into the grandparents former house.

Unfortunately, my grandparents divided ownership of each property 1/3 to each sibling.  So every sibling is now living on a property that is jointly owned by their two siblings.  In addition, the cattle ranches are minor income-producing assets.  So the people living on and working the ranches have some undefined obligation (in my passive aggressive family) to share their earned ranch income with siblings that aren't working on the ranch.

After a few years and a semi-successful business deal between the siblings, they ended up suing each other and don't talk to each other anymore.  Some are paying rents to others based on old rental deals, and others have defaulted on their mortgage obligations of the properties out of spite, knowing the others will pay the bank instead of letting the property fall into default.

That sucks. My mom wanted to do the same thing basically. I told her I really, really, really don't want to share property with my brother. He doesn't have the money to buy me out and I wouldn't be able to live in any of her properties anyway.

Unfortunately, she has not redone her will. On the good side, I got her to verbally tell me her wishes and I have them recorded in my evernote. My brother and I have not fought since we were kids and have a good relationship. Also, neither of us are greedy. but it is entirely possible we will have different ideas of fairness. I'm pushing her to write a specific will - but she puts it off all the time.

MgoSam

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #83 on: January 04, 2016, 01:09:36 PM »
We did suggest exactly that.  Alternatively, BIL could co-sign a loan for his son and thus assume the risk of default for himself.  BIL didn't seem nearly as interested. 
LOL - that's exactly what I thought would happen.

It's funny how often that happens. At work nearly all customers will negotiate (which I understand), but then they'll start bickering and say shit like, "It's only __," and so my comment to them always is, "Is that's such a small amount, then you shouldn't mind paying it?"

Jack

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #84 on: January 04, 2016, 01:12:16 PM »
One within my own family.

In about 2007 my family discovered that my great great grandparents owned a rather large plot of land in the 'old country'. All the land on either side is full developed valuable land. We found out because a less than legitimate firm shall we say converted the lands use to urban and tried to start building on it when a distant local relative noticed. This was then valued at tens of millions and made everyone rather happy and so paperwork sorting to formalise things to pay back taxes etc with a view of a sale. This was complicated by large numbers of heirs (catholic family) depending on which branch of the tree. But all sorted. Then. Financial Crash. Old Country did badly. Very badly. Land dropped in value massively although still with millions, small digits. But, a squatter appeared. One of the more local family tried to get him removed but he produced an old document which stated his family has the right to farm the land. No court case has yet been started. Documents legitimacy unknown, although either way apparently.

Why not? Well most of the family are poor/lower middle income. So any costs really cut into budgets. Some don't even want to pay their share of the tax on the land (which is like, really tiny). So it is all in a very slowly progressing limbo land. Though with no rush as prices are no where near '08 levels. How many had 'counted' on the larger sum I don't know. I stay out off all of it.

Further complicated by heirs starting to die off meaning their descendants and thus even more people are involved.

I find this all rather amusing as do my parents. They are the only 'well off' couple of the family in terms of their share would mean more spendypants holidays and maybe being able to set myself  and sibling up well.

For me it doesn't really matter if it ever gets resolved. Sure I could FIRE faster but eh no biggie, looking at less than ten years total of working anyway.

In that situation, I'd consider contacting all the heirs who don't want to pay for the taxes or lawsuit and offering to buy out their interest (assuming the land itself is a good investment). In addition to increasing your portfolio, it might also simplify future related issues since there would be fewer people involved.

Yeah, well, that was 17 years ago.  She's 97.  Still living.  AND, she's outlived both my mother and an aunt.  That uncle?  Not doing too great, and I think she might outlive him too.
Stories like that are fantastic.

In 1965, an elderly French woman of 90 years with no heirs and a smoking habit, entered a contract with her cunning 47 year old attorney. She sells him her apartment in exchange for life annuity payments.  The elderly lady continues to live, eventually outliving him and continuing to receive payments from the deceased attorney's wife, as per the contract. She dies in 1997 at the age of 122 years, the longest human lifespan ever recorded. The attorney and his wife ended up paying more than twice the apartment's value to her over 3 decades.

She was a kickass lady too. She only stopped riding her bicycle after hitting 3 digits, and lived on her own until 110.

People really shouldn't bank on others dying.

It's really just another lesson on the benefits of diversification, with a little bit of actuarial science thrown in.

This is a guy who posted to FB that ... he wanted to be a wizard and ninja when he grew up and now teaches magic and karate.

Wow, that guy's livin' the dream! I mean, it sucks that he's apparently a douche, but you have to be a little impressed that he set wildly fantastical childhood goals and then actually achieved them! Usually folks like that end up as accountants or used-car salesmen or something.



As far as my personal experience, these sorts of issues have been (and will be) minor:

- My mom has complained about not getting some objects of sentimental value from her grandparents.

- My great aunt, who is in her 90s and senile, has her assets being mis-managed (or perhaps misappropriated) by her never-married, shut-in, hoarder son. There's nobody but him who would feel entitled to an inheritance, but it's still sad that her assets getting squandered like they are.

- I'm my parents' sole heir. They're private about money, so between that and uncertainties about healthcare and whatnot I have no idea if I'd inherit anything or not, and am not particularly concerned either way. I just wish I knew if I needed to plan to support them, and could check to make sure their assets aren't invested in something stupid.

- My wife's family is more complicated and dramatic, but I don't expect any of them to leave a non-zero estate anyway.

MarciaB

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #85 on: January 04, 2016, 01:18:58 PM »
There is probably a best selling book buried in this thread already

I don't think it's a best seller but there's a book called Gold Diggers and Deadbeat Dads by Valerie Rind that I'm quite fond of. It's full of cautionary tales starring gigolos, grandma abusers, greedy relatives, con men, gold diggers and an assorted cast of ne'er do wells.  She includes a nice list of resources too. The book is written by an attorney with her own horrifying personal story.

I'm a sucker for train wreck financial stories (I rubbernecked the Madoff stuff so hard I practically had to see a chiropractor).

Travis

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #86 on: January 04, 2016, 01:19:19 PM »
Posting to follow. Not for the first time, I'm glad my family's not wealthy.

My family isn't wealthy either (like, laughably not wealthy), but that didn't stop them from getting on the crazy train when they though money was involved even if was a small amount.

I attended the funeral of one of my troops a few years ago as his escort.  He grew up in a small town petrochemical town in Texas.  His wife and his family are light years apart.  As soon as they received the notification of his death they were on the phone with her either claiming he owed them money or trying to call dibs on his personal effects and property like his car.  Mom and dad weren't too bad, but older sister had a case of meth-mouth, younger sister complained about the embalming smell of his body while viewing it, and older brother showed up to the wake and the actual funeral in a beat up t-shirt.  His wife did her best to blow them off and keep them at arm's length and didn't give in to any of them.  The mom finally stepped in to reign in the siblings and they dropped the issues.  He hadn't talked to his family or been home in years and it was obvious why.

Daleth

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #87 on: January 04, 2016, 01:24:00 PM »
My one contribution to this thread is a piece of advice: if you’re writing a will or trust, or giving any advice whatsoever to anyone else who’s doing so, make sure that it is written to exclude anyone whom an heir adopts as an adult.
 
Let me explain, without going into detail since the reason I know this is a family story that’s still happening as we speak. Let’s say that “Dad” has three adult children and leaves money to each of them, but one kid’s money is put in trust because that kid is mentally ill and beyond incompetent with money. That kid also has no kids, so Dad’s will and trust state that when Incompetent Kid dies, any money remaining in the trust will be divided per stirpes among Dad’s “descendants.” What Dad meant was that his other two kids would get it, or if one or both of them was dead by that time, their kids would get it.
 
Incompetent Kid throws a decade-long hissy fit at the “unfairness” of Dad leaving Incompetent Kid’s money in trust, because Incompetent Kid has—let’s say—a friend or lover they want to leave money to when Incompetent Kid dies.
 
In many U.S. states, all Incompetent Kid has to do is trot down to a lawyer’s office and a courthouse with that friend, and adopt that friend. The friend could be 42 years old, and Dad could have died ten years ago... doesn’t matter: the adult adoption makes the friend into Dad’s legal descendant! (Note: if Incompetent Kid had married the friend this wouldn’t have worked, but adult adoption does the trick.) So when Incompetent Kid dies, the money remaining in Incompetent Kid’s trust doesn’t get split two ways by Dad’s other two kids... it gets split three ways, with 1/3 going to the adult-adopted friend.
 
Regardless of what state the person writing the will is in, just write the damn thing so that this can’t happen (or revise it, if it’s already written). You don’t know what state the testator will be a resident of when he or she dies, or whether the law about adult adoption in his/her state will have changed... so just explicitly write it out, in the will, so that this cannot happen!

MgoSam

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #88 on: January 04, 2016, 02:04:53 PM »
My one contribution to this thread is a piece of advice: if you’re writing a will or trust, or giving any advice whatsoever to anyone else who’s doing so, make sure that it is written to exclude anyone whom an heir adopts as an adult.
 

If this is necessary then I would imagine hiring a lawyer would be best.

CU Tiger

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #89 on: January 04, 2016, 02:12:03 PM »
Okay, I have one of these. Names changed to protect the living.
Older lady dies with substantial assets. She’s not a millionaire, but has a house, a car, some nice jewelry, a house full of stuff, and some money. Her will leaves each of her four grandchildren a specific piece of furniture, and her two daughters, Ginger and MaryAnn, are to each get a specific piece of jewelry. Everything else is to be split 50-50 between the daughters.
So, the daughters start going through their mother’s things. If either one gave her mother something, she gets first dibs at it. If the item was not a gift, they take turns picking things they want. Things go well, except for one thing…the jewelry. Ginger was first on the scene, and she got ahold of all the jewelry and she won’t give MaryAnn the ring that was mentioned in the will. She insists that all the jewelry must be valued by a professional jeweler.
So, they have the jewelry valued, and it turns out that MaryAnn’s ring is worth a maybe a thousand more than Ginger’s. Ginger says, “You must let me have $1000 cash/jewelry to make up for the fact that your heirloom is worth more than mine.” MaryAnn gets pissed, and says, “This is ridiculous. You take the more expensive ring, and I’ll take the one she left you.” But now MaryAnn is mad, and feels like her sister is a bitch. She also has a hate on the ring in her possession, because it’s NOT THE ONE HER MOTHER WANTED HER TO HAVE. The hard feelings have started.
MaryAnn has a child who needs a car. She offers to buy the car from the estate. Since she owns 50% of the car (which is worth about $20,000), she says, “I will give you $10,000 cash for your half of the car.” My kid gets the car, and you get $10,000 cash. Ginger says, “No, that’s not fair, you owe me $20,000. The car is worth $20,000 and you are trying to get it for your kid. Stop trying to rob me.” At the lawyer’s office, each sister puts forth her case, the lawyer says that MaryAnn is right, she owns half the car and if she takes the car she owes her sister only $10,000. Ginger grudgingly accepts this, but tells her husband, in MaryAnn’s hearing, that MaryAnn has somehow gotten one over on her. MaryAnn is super pissed.
Ginger and MaryAnn are now feuding like Hatfields and McCoys. They clean out the house, each of them trying to grab as much stuff as possible for their children and themselves. They sell the house and split the money they get for that…and then these women never spend another friendly moment together. They send each other birthday and holiday cards, but other than that, radio silence between them.
Each feels victimized and aggrieved. Each thinks her sister is a cheat and a weasel. MaryAnn can hardly look at the nice ring she has, even though it was her Mother’s, because it is THE WRONG RING. Eventually, years later, Ginger dies. Her children, who had heard the whole story many times, took the ring that was originally meant for MaryAnn, and give it to MaryAnn. MaryAnn thanks them for the ring and offers to give them back The Wrong Ring, which they decline. They are sick to death of the whole thing. So are MaryAnn’s kids.

MaryAnn starts talking that she will have The Wrong Ring turned into pendants or pin by a jeweler, for each of her children/grandchildren. I am one of MaryAnn’s daughters, and I think that a pendant made from that ring would have eternally bad juju. It would just remind us that when our Grandmother died, our Mom and Aunt lost each other as sisters. That’s a heck of a story to go with a piece of gold.

Also: GO CLEMSON TIGERS!
There are two ways to get enough: one is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less. - G.K. Chesterton

JR

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #90 on: January 04, 2016, 02:27:08 PM »
When my grandmother passed away she left her estate to my father, uncle (estranged), and myself. The only problem was that my uncle was a recluse that suffered from schizophrenia and ignored all phone calls and letters from the estate attorney. The attorney couldn't move forward without my uncles signature but eventually my father was able to make contact with him and convince him to meet with the attorney.

Daleth

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #91 on: January 04, 2016, 08:11:51 PM »
My one contribution to this thread is a piece of advice: if you’re writing a will or trust, or giving any advice whatsoever to anyone else who’s doing so, make sure that it is written to exclude anyone whom an heir adopts as an adult.
 

If this is necessary then I would imagine hiring a lawyer would be best.

Hiring a lawyer is always best when it comes to doing your will. It's not a big investment for most people, and if it is expensive, that means your estate and your plans for it are complicated--in other words, you were all but guaranteed to screw it up if you didn't get a lawyer.

And the thing is, you have no way of knowing in advance if it will be necessary. Most people's will leaves something to "descendants" or "children" or "grandchildren," etc., in addition to the bequests to specific, named people, because that's far more efficient than redrafting your will every time a new kid or grandkid is born or every time someone you were leaving something to dies. And if your will does that, your intentions could be subverted by an heir adopting a friend or lover of theirs. They could do it in secret before you die, or after you die--in short, they could do it without you knowing--so you truly have no way to know whether you're going to need this in your will. Unless you are fine with some portion of your property potentially going to a random friend that an heir of yours adopts as an adult, you have to write your will so that it can't do that.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2016, 08:19:26 PM by Daleth »

Cathy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #92 on: January 04, 2016, 08:29:17 PM »
... You don’t know what state the testator will be a resident of when he or she dies ...

I always enjoy reading estate law cases that contain choice-of-law issues, or generally where the court is required to apply the law of another jurisdiction. One opinion I enjoyed reading recently was In re Estate of O'Dea, 29 Cal App 3d 759 (CA Ct App 1973). In that case, the California court was forced to wade into Canadian constitutional law to determine whether an Alberta statute was within the powers of the Legislature of Alberta, which in turn was relevant to what effect (if any) the Alberta enactment had under California law.

(I am aware that this post is only tangentially related to the text I quoted.)
« Last Edit: January 04, 2016, 08:43:45 PM by Cathy »
This post contains only general information on the issues raised by this topic. This post does not provide help tailored to your specific situation. There are many facts that could be relevant to your specific situation and I am not in possession of those facts. If you need help tailored to your specific situation, you should retain an appropriate professional and not rely on this post.

NorCal

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #93 on: January 04, 2016, 09:12:54 PM »

Hiring a lawyer is always best when it comes to doing your will. It's not a big investment for most people, and if it is expensive, that means your estate and your plans for it are complicated--in other words, you were all but guaranteed to screw it up if you didn't get a lawyer.

I would personally say you can get away with something like ZegalZoom or Quicken Wills if you're young with limited assets and no kids.  Once you start getting material assets and kids are in the picture, a will and trust are the way to go.

Some employers offer legal insurance or prepaid legal plans as part of open enrollment.  They're normally a horrible deal, but they turn into an excellent deal if you use one to get a trust put together.  We did this last year, and it was well worth it.  I think we spent less than $200 for a full will, trust, and related power of attorney.

Homey The Clown

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #94 on: January 04, 2016, 09:58:29 PM »
he wanted to be a wizard and ninja when he grew up and now teaches magic and karate.

99.999% of kids who want to grow up to be an astronaut or professional athlete fail...it sounds like this guy accomplished his goals almost exactly...how many people do you know who can honestly say that?

Since you were one of two to comment on this part of my post, I'll note that he was able to do this because his parents mortgaged their house to pay for his college (no student loans), my MIL pays his health and business liability insurance, bought at least 2 of his cars, he doesn't have to pay rent because he squatted his parents rental house (MIL just replaced the HVAC), and he rents out parts of his house to friends. When your living expenses are pretty close to net $0, you can do pretty much anything you want. His fb post was taken to task by his friends who basically said slagging your friends/family isn't such a great idea. His fb post was most definitely in a defensive tone. He should be one of the most grateful people in the world, but he most definitely is not. He's nice enough in person, but his actions (and fb posts) belie his (in person) words.

My family isn't much better, but the sadder part is they're worried about less money. My sister is divorced with 2 kids and lives with my mom, probably for the indefinite future. My mother just sold her old house that she couldn't afford and bought another(less than 10% down). It will probably go to my sister when she dies and will likely be her only real asset. My brother thinks this is unfair. Of course, he has been a financial leech on my mother for numerous years despite the fact that she doesn't have the money to fund his mess ups, and, in fact, has gone into debt herself to pay for them.

I love my family and my wife loves hers but this is why we don't live in either of our hometowns.

Thanks to the initiator of this thread. This has been incredibly cathartic. I've talked to no one but my wife about this.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2016, 10:00:45 PM by Homey The Clown »

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #95 on: January 04, 2016, 10:28:39 PM »
This sort of thing is what I have nightmares about. Not the idea of not getting anything, but everyone turning into a crazed money-hungry monster.

When I was 15 my parents took me aside and told me if anything happened to them they wanted me to look after my (8 years younger) brother. It made sense, the kid and I get along well. What alarmed me was that they had specifically provisions in their will for me to have extra money and resources for this purpose.

Given that I have two other siblings as well as my younger brother I thought this could end very badly if they actually died and the will was executed. Not that I think my other sibs are money hungry jerks, just that money changes people and my parents wouldn't say how much they were talking about.

Luckily this problem is fixing itself, my kid bro turns 18 next week.

sol

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #96 on: January 04, 2016, 11:07:58 PM »
On one side of my family, the only drama after grandparents died was over personal possessions rather than money.  Some of my parents generation placed extreme sentimental value on specific items, and other members of that generation scooped them up without asking or discussing.  I don't think it was malicious, but it certainly upset some folks who didn't realize their siblings had such hard-ons for certain pieces of furniture or whatever.

On the other side of the family, things got significantly more complicated because one of my poor/needy cousins was living in my grandparent's house (at well below market rent, but not for free) after the grandparent moved into a nursing home.  All of the siblings who equally inherited a portion of that house wanted to sell it and split the proceeds, except of course the sibling whose kid was living in the house, who naturally argued that if grandparent was offering cut-rate rent then they clearly wanted the cousins to have the house.  That sibling refused to buy out the other siblings, even though there was plenty of money available in the inheritance to do so.  Much of the drama came from spouses of siblings, rather than the siblings themselves.

In the end, the sibling who was the executor had to evict my cousin, sell the house, and then equal distributing the proceeds.  It took several years for family holiday dinners to get back to semi-normal because there was this lingering anger over the eviction of a family member.  Who was present at said dinners with the person who evicted them.

Lesson 1:  before you make your will, ask your kids/grandkids what specific items they most want to have after you die.  Don't assume, ask.  Write it into the will.

Lesson 2:  disposing of real estate is difficult, and potentially more so if it's rented.  Unless you're stewarding a family estate/castle, try to die without any.

LPeters

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #97 on: January 05, 2016, 01:09:04 AM »
Thanks to the initiator of this thread. This has been incredibly cathartic. I've talked to no one but my wife about this.

You're welcome. The main reason I wanted to hear other people's experiences with inheritances is because I don't understand what the hell some people are thinking, and it's horrifying (and entertaining, in an awful, trainwreck sort of way) to hear about what people think they're entitled to, and how they betray family over money and things, and it seems like most of the people in this thread have their heads on straight.

Also, each of these terrible stories shows me who not to become, what not to do. They're helping me shape myself into a better person- so thank you as well, for sharing.

greytbigdog

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #98 on: January 05, 2016, 06:44:43 AM »
Step-dad actually gave us great advice about sentimental items – if you really want it, talk to them while they are alive.  DH took his advice and got a clock from each set of his grandparents.  There were some family members that were annoyed, until they realized both clocks are broken and the repair bill will be more than they are worth. 

Co-worker: Divorced when her kid was a toddler.  As part of the divorce agreement, Ex has to have life insurance with the kid as a beneficiary.  I think it was about $10,000.  Ex moves to the other side of the country, new family with SAHW etc. Ends up dying fairly young of known health issue.   We can all see where this is going right?
Ex didn’t take out any more life insurance, and his new wife got really ugly with the kid (who was now about 15).  Wanted the kid to surrender all the $ to her, to take care of kid’s half-siblings.  Kid kept the cash, put it in a college fund.  Mostly because my co-worker ended up paying most of the funeral expenses herself because Ex's family is always broke.

Family member: Grandmother repeatedly tells grandkids she has changed her will to give most of it to her 6 grandkids (she had two sons, Bert and Ernie, but only Bert is still living).  Bert is doing very well for himself, and Grandmother doesn’t like his second wife – blames  the wife for Bert never visiting.
Final will leaves 75% to Bert, 25% split amongst the 6 grandkids. This isn't what Grandmother kept saying, but ok, no problem.
Except - The will also happened to be have been re-written during one of her many periods of hospitalization, with one of Bert’s buddies acting as a witness. Bert’s kids decide it’s not worth it to challenge, and the Ernie's kids stop speaking to Bert completely.

talltexan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #99 on: January 05, 2016, 07:31:09 AM »
I received a phone call from my Uncle a year after: My parents had paid for half of my grandmother's funeral expenses. My uncle wanted the four grandchildren (his three ages 22-28, plus me) to split his half.