Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 936059 times)

iluvzbeach

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2300 on: November 24, 2020, 11:40:55 AM »
My, now deceased, great grandmother always said ďthe first baby can come at anytime, the rest take nine months.Ē That certainly held true for my family. 😁

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2301 on: November 24, 2020, 12:41:19 PM »
I had a trousseau too at that age! Not with fine china for 12 people like my aunt but I really wanted to move out, so any time someone got rid of something, or when you could collect trading stamps for something I would ask people for that.( I googled that term, I hope that's the correct term - the kind of stamps you get with every X amount spent in a store that you can exchange for household goods. ) I collected it in a box under my bed. I still have almost all of it - the towels and the knives and the mug I got as a Christmas present at my first job. Only the pots and pans turned out to be not great quality and I threw out the last one a few weeks ago.

In the 50s the average age for a woman to get married was 27 in here. That dropped to around 23 in the 70s and 80s and now we're at 30 or something. I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo. Our parents are apparantly of a similar age but it sounds like yours were a few decades ahead of mine! My friend's parents had to get married when her mum's landlady caught her dad sneaking in at night and called mum's parents! That was probably during the early 80s. Things changed quickly in the 90s.

My parents and in-laws are pushing for grandchildren too but it looks like that's not going to happen on either side of the family. It makes me kind of sad that even if one of our siblings were to have children, those kids won't experience family life like I did. It wasn't always great, there was lots of drama, but there were lots of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, people you were somehow related to but you didn't actually know how exactly. Everyone's door was always open. There are only a handful of family members left now.

I got my things over several christmases. I think that is pretty common here that relatives buy two plates, someone buys glasses etc. I got quality stuff so most of the stuff is still in use.

I had to look at the statistics. In 1871 the year of first marriage was for male 29,3 years and for women 27,8 years. It was around that age until the  the end of the second world war when it started to decline. So same pattern as in your country. The lowest age was reached in 1966 when the men was in average 25,9 years and the women 23,3 years. We had a bump in 1989 in the age curve as there was a change in the pension system so many "older" couples  (33 years) got married to benefit from the possibility to get survivors pension for widows. Many of my parents friends got married then as well as my parents. In 2018 the average age was 36,3 for the men and 33,9 years for the women.

I have sometimes jokingly said to my parents, that I am an illegitimate child after seeing it in some American TV-show, which prompted my mother to ask if I have seen it as a problem. It has never been an issue because if I looked at others in my generation they had parents that were not married. So yes, the society in the 70-80ies were a lot more liberal here than in your country. I think many view marriage as a piece of paper that makes inheritance easier and a possibility to throw a big party.

I think the loss of family feeling is sad. My maternal grandmother died a year ago and my grandfather is having health problems. Their place has always been the gathering place, were you saw your aunts, uncle and cousins for different occasions. When my grandfather passes away sometimes in the future, there will be no such place anymore as we are spread across two countries.

I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo.

This is still the case in parts of the US. When Mr E and I moved in together before we got married (we were engaged but not married yet) we were no longer welcome at some family gatherings because we were a "bad example." It caused quite a lot of stress and heartache and my relationship with that part of the family will never be the same again.

ETA: In my family and with most of the community I grew up in getting married young is still the case as well. My grandparents got married at 18 & 21, my parents got married at 17 & 18, and then I got married at 28. My family members couldn't figure out why I wan't getting married. When I got pregnant for the first time at 29 I got lots of comments about being so OLD to be a parent, and then when I got pregnant again at 30 there was honest to goodness shock because they thought I had waited so late to get started that I would only have 1. All of my cousins/aunts/etc all had their first child before 22. I should also point out that I'm the first and still one of the only people in my family to have a college degree, and in that community it is very rare for someone to go to college.

Yeah, I'm in the Bible belt and weddings during the summer following HS graduation aren't *that* uncommon.  It's usually either because one, or both, are joining the military or that they want to have sex without sinning.

I think my parents would have been really opposed towards a marriage after high school even if there had been babies involved. They would have been totally ok with the baby, I have learned later. In smaller towns as the one that I went in high school, you would get children younger but before 22 would be considered as a malfunction with birth control. According to statistics the average age for first time parents is 29,6 years for women and 31,8 for men. Can you get married before 18? Here, it would require a special license, that is really hard to obtain.

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2302 on: November 24, 2020, 01:00:44 PM »
I'm always surprised that so many people don't have their affairs in order. A lot of people really don't want to face their own mortality. Recently we found out that something like that happened in our family too - and that person was a mentally sharp 90-something. Even they had not seen death coming.

I have a law degree and whenever close friends go through a major life event I always inquire whether they've talked things through with a legal professional. I always say something like "I don't want to be rude, and I certainly don't want to know the details, but my professional experience is that it's important that you talk about your situation together to make sure you're on the same page about things and whether your paperwork reflects your wishes".

More than one couple actually came back to thank me about that, because they found out things they didn't know. Like that one person who bought a house with a relative, very similar to the situation described in this thread, relative moved out, new spouse moves in - my acquintance had absolutely no idea the relative was still on the deed and not the husband. They figured marriage would take care of that "because you get told you need to get married to get your affairs in order". Other fairly common things I've encountered in my work are life insurance policies benefitting an ex instead of a current partner, a new mortgage on a home one person owned before marriage that's on both names but the property is still in one name and outdated wills.

A very painful situation happened in my family not too long ago - my cousin, in her 30s, had a long-term partner in his 50s with adult kids from a previous marriage. Cousin and him had been together for years and had a family but wanted to wait with marriage until their kids were a bit older so they could share in the happy day. Waiting with marriage until the kids are older and have a family celebration has become quite common in our country, but in our jurisdiction there are several forms of civil partnership they could have chosen instead to get their affairs in order. But they didn't think that was necessary. Well, he had a heart attack and died and he left the house that he had owned for years before they met to his adult kids and his life insurance too. And I think his pension went to his ex. Legally you can't disinherit your kids so they went to court and his young children got a share too, but the adult kids owned most of it so they forced a sale. That sale generated some funds but it belongs to the kids, mum can't use it to buy a new home. They've all lived with her parents ever since.

I thought the same thing happened with my Dad. he passed away this year unexpectedly just shy of 88. Whenever we broached the topic of a will or getting affairs in orders he said that he had "taken care of it" and "don't worry about it." He passed unexpectedly. He did have my little brother on the two main accounts but there was not enough to cover funeral expenses. So we paid the bills and assumed we each would be on the hook for around 4K each. We were puzzled because he seemed so emphatic he had taken care of it. Anyways maybe a month later my sister going through the files and paperwork found a sealed envelope addressed to us. Between that and selling his car paid off the funeral expenses and gave each of us around 500. So he HAD planned it. Just that we almost didn't find it, and the whole process (especially trying to figure out what his wishes were and have it happen in a short period of time) was unnecessarily nerve wracking and stressful.  At the same time he lived very simply; unlike the horror stories here there was just an apartment with minimalistic furnishings (most of which is in my brother's garage). Every time I think of buying something for someone, I now think, who is going to have to deal with this after the person is gone? It just becomes junk at that point.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2020, 01:09:21 PM by partgypsy »

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2303 on: November 24, 2020, 01:10:00 PM »
Can you get married before 18? Here, it would require a special license, that is really hard to obtain.

It depends on whether the parents agree.

In California, Maine, Washington, Idaho, West Virginia and New Mexico there is no lower age limit, provided at least one parent or guardian consents.

There are several states that have low minimum ages. The lowest is in Massachusetts, where boys as young as 14 and girls as young as 12 can be married when the parents consent and the judge goes along with it. That dates back to English civil law; it doesn't appear that they got around to changing it. Massachusetts marriages do not emancipate the minor, but marriages in other states do.

In Hawaii, Kansas, Maryland, and Utah the minimum age of marriage is 15. In Mississippi it's 15 for females but 17 for males. Most states have a minimum age of 16 or 17. At age 18 it's no longer an underage marriage in most states... meaning parental consent is not required.

So yes, it's legal to marry 12-year-old females in Boston, provided the consent of at least one parent or guardian can be had and the judge goes along with it.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2304 on: November 24, 2020, 01:33:10 PM »
I'm always surprised that so many people don't have their affairs in order. A lot of people really don't want to face their own mortality. Recently we found out that something like that happened in our family too - and that person was a mentally sharp 90-something. Even they had not seen death coming.

I have a law degree and whenever close friends go through a major life event I always inquire whether they've talked things through with a legal professional. I always say something like "I don't want to be rude, and I certainly don't want to know the details, but my professional experience is that it's important that you talk about your situation together to make sure you're on the same page about things and whether your paperwork reflects your wishes".

More than one couple actually came back to thank me about that, because they found out things they didn't know. Like that one person who bought a house with a relative, very similar to the situation described in this thread, relative moved out, new spouse moves in - my acquintance had absolutely no idea the relative was still on the deed and not the husband. They figured marriage would take care of that "because you get told you need to get married to get your affairs in order". Other fairly common things I've encountered in my work are life insurance policies benefitting an ex instead of a current partner, a new mortgage on a home one person owned before marriage that's on both names but the property is still in one name and outdated wills.

A very painful situation happened in my family not too long ago - my cousin, in her 30s, had a long-term partner in his 50s with adult kids from a previous marriage. Cousin and him had been together for years and had a family but wanted to wait with marriage until their kids were a bit older so they could share in the happy day. Waiting with marriage until the kids are older and have a family celebration has become quite common in our country, but in our jurisdiction there are several forms of civil partnership they could have chosen instead to get their affairs in order. But they didn't think that was necessary. Well, he had a heart attack and died and he left the house that he had owned for years before they met to his adult kids and his life insurance too. And I think his pension went to his ex. Legally you can't disinherit your kids so they went to court and his young children got a share too, but the adult kids owned most of it so they forced a sale. That sale generated some funds but it belongs to the kids, mum can't use it to buy a new home. They've all lived with her parents ever since.

I thought the same thing happened with my Dad. he passed away this year unexpectedly just shy of 88. Whenever we broached the topic of a will or getting affairs in orders he said that he had "taken care of it" and "don't worry about it." He passed unexpectedly. He did have my little brother on the two main accounts but there was not enough to cover funeral expenses. So we paid the bills and assumed we each would be on the hook for around 4K each. We were puzzled because he seemed so emphatic he had taken care of it. Anyways maybe a month later my sister going through the files and paperwork found a sealed envelope addressed to us. Between that and selling his car paid off the funeral expenses and gave each of us around 500. So he HAD planned it. Just that we almost didn't find it, and the whole process (especially trying to figure out what his wishes were and have it happen in a short period of time) was unnecessarily nerve wracking and stressful.  At the same time he lived very simply; unlike the horror stories here there was just an apartment with minimalistic furnishings (most of which is in my brother's garage). Every time I think of buying something for someone, I now think, who is going to have to deal with this after the person is gone? It just becomes junk at that point.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope what you had planned for him turned out to be what he wanted.

My mum recently called all of her kids to announce she had figured out where she wanted to be buried. Some of us were shocked since she's only 60 but I'm very glad she has been so explicit. Should the worst happen we'll know what to do.

@TheGrimSqueaker that's quite shocking actually! Until a few years ago, teenagers between 16 and 18 could get married in my country with parental consent, but now you always need permission from a judge if you're underage. I think that's a good development. There are too many stories of children pressured into marriage by their parents due to pregnancy. Now a judge can say no if they think one party doesn't really want to get married. I think permission is usually granted in case of pregnancy or when the bride or groom is terminally ill. Pregnancy is the only way to get permission to marry under the age of 16.

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2305 on: November 24, 2020, 02:27:30 PM »
Can you get married before 18? Here, it would require a special license, that is really hard to obtain.

It depends on whether the parents agree.

In California, Maine, Washington, Idaho, West Virginia and New Mexico there is no lower age limit, provided at least one parent or guardian consents.

There are several states that have low minimum ages. The lowest is in Massachusetts, where boys as young as 14 and girls as young as 12 can be married when the parents consent and the judge goes along with it. That dates back to English civil law; it doesn't appear that they got around to changing it. Massachusetts marriages do not emancipate the minor, but marriages in other states do.

In Hawaii, Kansas, Maryland, and Utah the minimum age of marriage is 15. In Mississippi it's 15 for females but 17 for males. Most states have a minimum age of 16 or 17. At age 18 it's no longer an underage marriage in most states... meaning parental consent is not required.

So yes, it's legal to marry 12-year-old females in Boston, provided the consent of at least one parent or guardian can be had and the judge goes along with it.

You learn so many different things in this forum.

Personally, I can't understand why you would want to marry your child under any circumstances. Since last year, we don't actually recognize child marriages under any circumstances. The law is made to prevent immigrants marrying off their children when they are on visit in their previous home countries. It is illegal to force your kid abroad to get married.

Kitsunegari

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2306 on: November 24, 2020, 07:56:17 PM »
Can you get married before 18? Here, it would require a special license, that is really hard to obtain.

It depends on whether the parents agree.

In California, Maine, Washington, Idaho, West Virginia and New Mexico there is no lower age limit, provided at least one parent or guardian consents.

There are several states that have low minimum ages. The lowest is in Massachusetts, where boys as young as 14 and girls as young as 12 can be married when the parents consent and the judge goes along with it. That dates back to English civil law; it doesn't appear that they got around to changing it. Massachusetts marriages do not emancipate the minor, but marriages in other states do.

In Hawaii, Kansas, Maryland, and Utah the minimum age of marriage is 15. In Mississippi it's 15 for females but 17 for males. Most states have a minimum age of 16 or 17. At age 18 it's no longer an underage marriage in most states... meaning parental consent is not required.

So yes, it's legal to marry 12-year-old females in Boston, provided the consent of at least one parent or guardian can be had and the judge goes along with it.

I'm looking it up and seems the 12 years of age is somewhat "advised" by common law, but not enforceable (in California at least), so a judge could theoretically give their nulla osta to someone wanting to marry a child under that age, if the child's guardians are allowing it?
« Last Edit: November 24, 2020, 08:00:48 PM by Kitsunegari »

RetiredAt63

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2307 on: November 25, 2020, 05:59:58 AM »
Since we are on age of marriage, in Canada it is the age of majority in your province, so 18/19.  You can get married at 16 with parental/court consent.  Average age of first marriage is late 20s/early 30s (old data). Lots live together first which partly pushes age of marriage up.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2308 on: November 25, 2020, 09:05:47 AM »
At some point, my son is going to realize that he was born 5.5 months after my husband and I got married.

You might want to talk to him about that. I realised that at some point about my parents and it was actually a really sucky thing to realise. I never talked to them about it, but I always wondered if maybe they never really wanted to get married but "had to" because I was on the way and so I trapped them into a marriage they never wanted. They had a tiny lunchtime wedding and there is only one photo. Is it because they're not showy people or because it was a bit of a rush? I mean, I'm highly over-dramatising things here, but I was a histrionic child with not very emotionally open parents and found it an unpleasant discovery when I was little.

Not that you need to have A Talk, but you might want to mention that it happens sometimes and it's OK.

20957

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2309 on: November 25, 2020, 10:54:16 AM »
Yeah. I had a friend in high school who was really sensitive about the fact that he was "illegitimate" (he used a different word). This despite the fact that his parents had later married and were still together. And none of us cared or even would have known if he hadn't brought it up. I suspect his marriage at 19 was related to that...

Sugaree

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2310 on: November 25, 2020, 11:12:11 AM »
At some point, my son is going to realize that he was born 5.5 months after my husband and I got married.

You might want to talk to him about that. I realised that at some point about my parents and it was actually a really sucky thing to realise. I never talked to them about it, but I always wondered if maybe they never really wanted to get married but "had to" because I was on the way and so I trapped them into a marriage they never wanted. They had a tiny lunchtime wedding and there is only one photo. Is it because they're not showy people or because it was a bit of a rush? I mean, I'm highly over-dramatising things here, but I was a histrionic child with not very emotionally open parents and found it an unpleasant discovery when I was little.

Not that you need to have A Talk, but you might want to mention that it happens sometimes and it's OK.

Yeah, I know.  He's only 7 though, so I figure that will come about the same time as the "where do babies come from" talk. 

jeninco

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2311 on: November 25, 2020, 12:10:30 PM »
At some point, my son is going to realize that he was born 5.5 months after my husband and I got married.

You might want to talk to him about that. I realised that at some point about my parents and it was actually a really sucky thing to realise. I never talked to them about it, but I always wondered if maybe they never really wanted to get married but "had to" because I was on the way and so I trapped them into a marriage they never wanted. They had a tiny lunchtime wedding and there is only one photo. Is it because they're not showy people or because it was a bit of a rush? I mean, I'm highly over-dramatising things here, but I was a histrionic child with not very emotionally open parents and found it an unpleasant discovery when I was little.

Not that you need to have A Talk, but you might want to mention that it happens sometimes and it's OK.

Yeah, I know.  He's only 7 though, so I figure that will come about the same time as the "where do babies come from" talk.

PSA: Which starts really soon! At least with age-appropriate explanations, which are as detailed as he seems to have the interest and attention span for!

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2312 on: November 25, 2020, 08:14:17 PM »
Thank you imma (about dads passing). I think we did pretty good in retrospect. He was buried rather than cremated, and which was appropriate based on the faith he was raised in. The burial was videotaped and also live streamed. I was gratified because his burial when I checked a week later had hundreds of views (now over 800 views). My brother extremely randomly months later ran into someone that had worked at one of my dad's restaurants over a decade ago. And first thing that the guy said was, "I'm sorry to hear about your Dad". Who knows how he heard. The one thing we couldn't do, is my dad wanted a get together at a restaurant and to have a good time in his memory, and we couldn't because of covid. maybe in the future.
« Last Edit: November 25, 2020, 08:27:08 PM by partgypsy »

ender

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2313 on: November 25, 2020, 09:42:33 PM »
This makes me a little sad that my parents will know more about our will (we're going through that process now) than we will theirs.

Oh well.

Missy B

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2314 on: November 26, 2020, 11:48:06 PM »
When my bf's Dad got sick he didn't want to do any substantive discussions with people about inheritance, even when he knew he was terminal. He was one of those avoider-types. He left no will, but did say he wanted everything left to his (third) wife, a very needy and self-centered drama queen who complained all the way through how hard it was on her while managing to be completely ignorant of his care or medications. (If I sound nasty and unfairly harsh on her, please know she chain-smoked in their house through the entire final year of his illness, during which he was on oxygen and slowly dying of lung disease.)

My bf had a conversation with his Dad in which he point-blank asked for the only thing of his Dad's he really wanted, and his Dad got kind of huffy about why they couldn't sort all that out *after* he was dead, but his Dad did agree that he should have that thing. He also made copies of old slides and photos his Dad had of his childhood. His Dad also went and made sure he gave him a shoebox that he wanted to make sure my bf got. Bf didn't open it til later.
So, his Dad dies. No funeral, Dad didn't want one. The wife decides that no one can have anything of her husband's, including all the photos of their childhood that bf wasn't able to copy, that have nothing to do with her and which took place fully 30 years before Dad met her. Bf goes to take his thing and third wife acts like she will simply die if any object of his is removed from the house, and bf says, no, Dad agreed it was mine and you were there. I'm taking it. (He lives on the other side of the continent from them.) Third wife, no doubt sensing he will not back down, backs off.
Years later BTW, grandchildren still do not have the thing their Granpa wanted them to have, because third wife wouldn't let them take it at the time and someone has to go all the way cross country to get it.

So back to the box that of all the things his father owned, was the only thing he really made sure to give to his son while he was still alive. Bf opens the box, and what is in it?
Why, the wedding photos to the second wife. Not a long marriage, a few years, but he kept the photos for 25 years.


okcisok

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2315 on: December 04, 2020, 06:26:22 PM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

The worst thing is, she truly is! I can't imagine actually caring enough about the life choices of family members I don't like to be disappointed in them. When we were still in touch she was in my phone as Hyacinth Bucket.


As long as you pronounce it Boo-KAY and not BUCK-it! Love this comparison. It gives me a very clear idea of what kind of person she is :)

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2316 on: December 05, 2020, 10:11:37 AM »
At some point, my son is going to realize that he was born 5.5 months after my husband and I got married.

You might want to talk to him about that. I realised that at some point about my parents and it was actually a really sucky thing to realise. I never talked to them about it, but I always wondered if maybe they never really wanted to get married but "had to" because I was on the way and so I trapped them into a marriage they never wanted. They had a tiny lunchtime wedding and there is only one photo. Is it because they're not showy people or because it was a bit of a rush? I mean, I'm highly over-dramatising things here, but I was a histrionic child with not very emotionally open parents and found it an unpleasant discovery when I was little.

Not that you need to have A Talk, but you might want to mention that it happens sometimes and it's OK.

Yeah, I know.  He's only 7 though, so I figure that will come about the same time as the "where do babies come from" talk.

My high school boyfriend was almost EIGHTEEN when he realized that his parent's eighteenth anniversary was only four months before his birthday. They had written both dates on the calendar. They were clearly waiting for him to math this out.

I had a friend who was born eight and a half months after her parents' wedding and I always liked to imagine people wondering she was a preemie before finding out she was ten pounds!

markbike528CBX

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2317 on: December 05, 2020, 11:55:00 AM »
At some point, my son is going to realize that he was born 5.5 months after my husband and I got married.

You might want to talk to him about that. I realised that at some point about my parents and it was actually a really sucky thing to realise. I never talked to them about it, but I always wondered if maybe they never really wanted to get married but "had to" because I was on the way and so I trapped them into a marriage they never wanted. They had a tiny lunchtime wedding and there is only one photo. Is it because they're not showy people or because it was a bit of a rush? I mean, I'm highly over-dramatising things here, but I was a histrionic child with not very emotionally open parents and found it an unpleasant discovery when I was little.

Not that you need to have A Talk, but you might want to mention that it happens sometimes and it's OK.

Yeah, I know.  He's only 7 though, so I figure that will come about the same time as the "where do babies come from" talk.

My high school boyfriend was almost EIGHTEEN when he realized that his parent's eighteenth anniversary was only four months before his birthday. They had written both dates on the calendar. They were clearly waiting for him to math this out.

I had a friend who was born eight and a half months after her parents' wedding and I always liked to imagine people wondering she was a preemie before finding out she was ten pounds!

Parents married in June, I was born healthy in November.   mmmmmm  :-)    I've figured this out previously.  I've forgotten my exact age of this realization (maybe 12?). 
As far as I know, no one mentioned it explicitly.  I'm sure it was a hush, hush matter to the families in the early 60's.   I'm healthy, so no big deal to me, except it makes me giggle a bit.  I do now understand my father's "keep it in your pants" version of the talk (no capital T there).

DaMa

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2318 on: December 07, 2020, 07:54:57 PM »
My daughter was also born 6.5 months after the wedding.  When I tried to discuss it with her, she said with voice dripping preteen disdain, "Mom, I know.  I can do the math!"

I was 28 at my grandparents' 50th anniversary, when I realized that my oldest uncle was born at least a month too early.  When I asked my mom, she laughed and said, "The story I got is that it was only one time, and Mom didn't know until after they were married." 

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2319 on: December 07, 2020, 08:08:31 PM »
My husband was over 40 when he realized his birthday was nine months to the day after senior prom.

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2320 on: December 07, 2020, 11:33:24 PM »
@Rural, I was going to deem you the winner of the thread, until I scrolled up to @DaMa's post. Dang, I've got to declare it a tie! Great stories, both of you! This has turned into a very entertaining sidebar.

Rubic

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2321 on: December 08, 2020, 04:56:53 AM »
I've joked with my parents if they'd had premarital sex (Catholics, no birth control)
they could have lowered my full retirement age for Social Security benefits.

Dad's response: "I tried."

Master of None

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2322 on: December 08, 2020, 08:51:58 AM »
No Inheritance Drama here...at least not yet, but I do have a story of something good that happened this past weekend. My grandfather who is 97 moved in with my parent's about a month ago due to him getting older in age and he didn't want to go into a nursing home. In order for that to work out they all purchased a larger home and both of their old houses are under contract. My grandfather packed up all of his must haves and took them to the new house and told the rest of the family that anything still at his house is fair game. So over the past few weeks family members have gone over and taken the few sentimental items that they would like to have. So far everyone has been extremely cordial and there hasn't been any issues. My wife and I were the last to go through the house and there was still quite a bit of stuff there. Surprisingly the family Antique Singer sewing machine was still there and it is fully operational. About 9 years ago he had a repairman come in and get it all working. He was thrilled when we took it as no one else wanted it. We got a few other small items which I hold dear to my heart but really all we want is for grandpa to be around longer. We've got a lot of wonderful years with him and I have to say that going through this process is going to help relieve some unneeded stress when he does pass. This is one time I've actually been proud of my family for not being absolutely insane.

ixtap

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2323 on: December 08, 2020, 10:41:02 AM »


I have a mid November birthday. A poor pastor once asked, in front of the whole congregation, why he had to announce so many birthdays this particular week. Most of those who responded kind of muttered "Valentines," but one guy was gleeful and louder than the rest.

My SIL and BIL have one kid in their arms and are clearly expecting again in their wedding pictures, but last I knew they were still telling the kids they waited until they got married...It seems to their family's version of Santa Claus, the older kids don't let on when they get it.

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2324 on: December 08, 2020, 10:44:59 AM »
No Inheritance Drama here...at least not yet, but I do have a story of something good that happened this past weekend. My grandfather who is 97 moved in with my parent's about a month ago due to him getting older in age and he didn't want to go into a nursing home. In order for that to work out they all purchased a larger home and both of their old houses are under contract. My grandfather packed up all of his must haves and took them to the new house and told the rest of the family that anything still at his house is fair game. So over the past few weeks family members have gone over and taken the few sentimental items that they would like to have. So far everyone has been extremely cordial and there hasn't been any issues. My wife and I were the last to go through the house and there was still quite a bit of stuff there. Surprisingly the family Antique Singer sewing machine was still there and it is fully operational. About 9 years ago he had a repairman come in and get it all working. He was thrilled when we took it as no one else wanted it. We got a few other small items which I hold dear to my heart but really all we want is for grandpa to be around longer. We've got a lot of wonderful years with him and I have to say that going through this process is going to help relieve some unneeded stress when he does pass. This is one time I've actually been proud of my family for not being absolutely insane.

I got my grandmothers old Singer sewing machine. After having it stored for 20 years at my parents place I finally took it home this summer because i drove to them due to the pandemic instead of flying. Now I am using it as a computer table. I guess you could use it for sewing to but I havenít figured out how to do it.

PDXTabs

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2325 on: December 08, 2020, 10:53:21 AM »
My daughter was also born 6.5 months after the wedding.  When I tried to discuss it with her, she said with voice dripping preteen disdain, "Mom, I know.  I can do the math!"

Ha! My son was born 5.5 months later, but I'm no longer married to his mom. I wonder if he even knows when our anniversary was? I'm sure that he knows why we got married when we did.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2326 on: December 08, 2020, 02:17:36 PM »
My daughter was also born 6.5 months after the wedding.  When I tried to discuss it with her, she said with voice dripping preteen disdain, "Mom, I know.  I can do the math!"

I was 28 at my grandparents' 50th anniversary, when I realized that my oldest uncle was born at least a month too early.  When I asked my mom, she laughed and said, "The story I got is that it was only one time, and Mom didn't know until after they were married."

It was a 50th wedding anniversary party that made me realize that my uncle was a little too young too.  Mom's explanation was that my grandmother was diabetic and they induced her early.  And that my grandfather pushed for December 31st instead of January 1st for the tax benefits.  It did go a long way in explaining why my great-grandmother wouldn't allow my grandfather in her house for the first 5 years of their marriage.

DadJokes

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2327 on: January 04, 2021, 01:20:03 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

Publicizing in that manner may be manipulative, but you should always share your plans with the people involved. What's in your will should not be a surprise to people after you die.

iris lily

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2328 on: January 04, 2021, 01:30:07 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

Publicizing in that manner may be manipulative, but you should always share your plans with the people involved. What's in your will should not be a surprise to people after you die.
Both attorneys we talk to about wills  say make your  intentions known before hand. No surprises.

I am uncomfortable with that advice for my household because my will will not look like it does now in ten years, in 20 years.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2021, 01:32:26 PM by iris lily »

RetiredAt63

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2329 on: January 04, 2021, 01:40:16 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

Publicizing in that manner may be manipulative, but you should always share your plans with the people involved. What's in your will should not be a surprise to people after you die.
Both attorneys we talk to about wills  say make your  intentions known before hand. No surprises.

I am uncomfortable with that advice for my household because my will will not look like it does now in ten years, in 20 years.

Part of the notification can be that you plan to review it every 5 years (or whatever), and if anything major happens.  Lots of life events mean wills need revision. 

Plus you don't have to go into great detail.  Person X is my executor, person Y is backup, rough division of assets.  A list for important personal items.  Where the executor can find the will, important documents.Etc.

This has been standard in my family, no drama in any generation.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2330 on: January 04, 2021, 01:47:07 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

Publicizing in that manner may be manipulative, but you should always share your plans with the people involved. What's in your will should not be a surprise to people after you die.

I've been thinking about this actually. The way my aunt handled things is manipulative, for sure. I don't want to be like that. But Covid got me thinking a little bit. We are a childless couple with no nieces/nephews. We have left money to some relatives and friends and not to others. We've written very plainly in our will that A and B are not going to inherit and no one is going to be surprised because we're not in touch at all. And I figured that everything will go to the surviving spouse first anyway.

But with Covid I realized that we could pass at roughly the same time as well (from a legal point of view this is covered in the will). Someone outside of us needs to be aware of our will, where in the house we keep our financial stuff, who has keys to the house etc. But who do you pick? It is well known that we don't like A and B and we haven't been in touch for years and years. But our heirs do have a bond with them and I don't want to burden them with that information.

Another concern, a friend of mine was recently contacted by police that a long lost sibling was dying in the hospital. Turns out the police contact family members in a certain specific order in our country and guess which relatives are on top of our lists? Yes.  A and B. Now, I hope our relatives would contact the rest of the family but since these people are idiots I have no idea what they'd do. I've arranged medical power of attorney and my own doctors are aware of that but if I fall ill out of town and the wrong people are contacted, it all falls apart. Chances of this happening are low but stakes are high.

Villanelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2331 on: January 04, 2021, 01:56:38 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

Publicizing in that manner may be manipulative, but you should always share your plans with the people involved. What's in your will should not be a surprise to people after you die.

I've been thinking about this actually. The way my aunt handled things is manipulative, for sure. I don't want to be like that. But Covid got me thinking a little bit. We are a childless couple with no nieces/nephews. We have left money to some relatives and friends and not to others. We've written very plainly in our will that A and B are not going to inherit and no one is going to be surprised because we're not in touch at all. And I figured that everything will go to the surviving spouse first anyway.

But with Covid I realized that we could pass at roughly the same time as well (from a legal point of view this is covered in the will). Someone outside of us needs to be aware of our will, where in the house we keep our financial stuff, who has keys to the house etc. But who do you pick? It is well known that we don't like A and B and we haven't been in touch for years and years. But our heirs do have a bond with them and I don't want to burden them with that information.

Another concern, a friend of mine was recently contacted by police that a long lost sibling was dying in the hospital. Turns out the police contact family members in a certain specific order in our country and guess which relatives are on top of our lists? Yes.  A and B. Now, I hope our relatives would contact the rest of the family but since these people are idiots I have no idea what they'd do. I've arranged medical power of attorney and my own doctors are aware of that but if I fall ill out of town and the wrong people are contacted, it all falls apart. Chances of this happening are low but stakes are high.

Something like this may be a good role for a friend.  You don't really even need to specify "in case of death".  Just give them a key and tell them where important papers are kept, 'in case of emergency'.

For the second issue, is it a problem if A and B are notified?  Is the concern that they wouldn't then notify C and D, who are the people who need to know?  This could also be something you tell that friend.  "Hey, my family dynamics are a bit strained in some regards.  If anything happens to me and you become aware of it, C and D need to be notified.  Their contact info is in that place I told you all our important papers are located.  They also have medical PoA."

You might also make sure your phone is set up with an emergency contact.  I don't know about other systems, but with Apple there is a way to do this that first responders and hospital staff can access that emergency contact without unlocking your phone.  Google can tell you how to do it, but it's pretty simple.  My coroner sister alerted me to the function and encouraged me to use it.  If you set that to C or D, they'd get the call and could step in. 

iris lily

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2332 on: January 04, 2021, 02:03:57 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

Publicizing in that manner may be manipulative, but you should always share your plans with the people involved. What's in your will should not be a surprise to people after you die.
Both attorneys we talk to about wills  say make your  intentions known before hand. No surprises.

I am uncomfortable with that advice for my household because my will will not look like it does now in ten years, in 20 years.

Part of the notification can be that you plan to review it every 5 years (or whatever), and if anything major happens.  Lots of life events mean wills need revision. 

Plus you don't have to go into great detail.  Person X is my executor, person Y is backup, rough division of assets.  A list for important personal items.  Where the executor can find the will, important documents.Etc.

This has been standard in my family, no drama in any generation.

Oh relevant parties know who the executors are and where to find the will.

 Itís when we talk about rough division of assets ...that will change. Iím less and less interested in leaving money to relatives as time goes on. And as I plan to spend my assets, it will be less likely that I will divide assets 10 ways as in our current will.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2333 on: January 04, 2021, 02:15:50 PM »

Another concern, a friend of mine was recently contacted by police that a long lost sibling was dying in the hospital. Turns out the police contact family members in a certain specific order in our country and guess which relatives are on top of our lists? Yes.  A and B. Now, I hope our relatives would contact the rest of the family but since these people are idiots I have no idea what they'd do. I've arranged medical power of attorney and my own doctors are aware of that but if I fall ill out of town and the wrong people are contacted, it all falls apart. Chances of this happening are low but stakes are high.

We have a laminated card in our wallets from our lawyer that directs the appropriate parties to contact them.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2334 on: January 04, 2021, 02:42:06 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

Publicizing in that manner may be manipulative, but you should always share your plans with the people involved. What's in your will should not be a surprise to people after you die.

I've been thinking about this actually. The way my aunt handled things is manipulative, for sure. I don't want to be like that. But Covid got me thinking a little bit. We are a childless couple with no nieces/nephews. We have left money to some relatives and friends and not to others. We've written very plainly in our will that A and B are not going to inherit and no one is going to be surprised because we're not in touch at all. And I figured that everything will go to the surviving spouse first anyway.

But with Covid I realized that we could pass at roughly the same time as well (from a legal point of view this is covered in the will). Someone outside of us needs to be aware of our will, where in the house we keep our financial stuff, who has keys to the house etc. But who do you pick? It is well known that we don't like A and B and we haven't been in touch for years and years. But our heirs do have a bond with them and I don't want to burden them with that information.

Another concern, a friend of mine was recently contacted by police that a long lost sibling was dying in the hospital. Turns out the police contact family members in a certain specific order in our country and guess which relatives are on top of our lists? Yes.  A and B. Now, I hope our relatives would contact the rest of the family but since these people are idiots I have no idea what they'd do. I've arranged medical power of attorney and my own doctors are aware of that but if I fall ill out of town and the wrong people are contacted, it all falls apart. Chances of this happening are low but stakes are high.

Something like this may be a good role for a friend.  You don't really even need to specify "in case of death".  Just give them a key and tell them where important papers are kept, 'in case of emergency'.

For the second issue, is it a problem if A and B are notified?  Is the concern that they wouldn't then notify C and D, who are the people who need to know?  This could also be something you tell that friend.  "Hey, my family dynamics are a bit strained in some regards.  If anything happens to me and you become aware of it, C and D need to be notified.  Their contact info is in that place I told you all our important papers are located.  They also have medical PoA."

You might also make sure your phone is set up with an emergency contact.  I don't know about other systems, but with Apple there is a way to do this that first responders and hospital staff can access that emergency contact without unlocking your phone.  Google can tell you how to do it, but it's pretty simple.  My coroner sister alerted me to the function and encouraged me to use it.  If you set that to C or D, they'd get the call and could step in.

Yes, they are both not rational people and I could see them not informing family, or delaying it, or making important decisions before other family is contacted. I've seen both behave irrationally under stress, including when I was in the hospital (a long time ago when I was still single). We just can't predict what these people will do. My friend just informed the police that she had no relationship with that sibling, but here's the phone number of the relative that should be contacted, bye. I think our family members wouldn't do that.

My partner is my emergency contact in my phone but I had not considered adding the right family member as the second one. That would probably work! 


Another concern, a friend of mine was recently contacted by police that a long lost sibling was dying in the hospital. Turns out the police contact family members in a certain specific order in our country and guess which relatives are on top of our lists? Yes.  A and B. Now, I hope our relatives would contact the rest of the family but since these people are idiots I have no idea what they'd do. I've arranged medical power of attorney and my own doctors are aware of that but if I fall ill out of town and the wrong people are contacted, it all falls apart. Chances of this happening are low but stakes are high.

We have a laminated card in our wallets from our lawyer that directs the appropriate parties to contact them.

This is also smart. I'm not sure if ours offers this as a service (never heard of it) but it would make sure that the right people would be contacted. We are only in our 30s so likely we won't need all this paperwork for decades, and by that time A and B may have passed away already, but you never know when you may need it.

jinga nation

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2335 on: January 05, 2021, 05:54:55 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

Publicizing in that manner may be manipulative, but you should always share your plans with the people involved. What's in your will should not be a surprise to people after you die.
Both attorneys we talk to about wills  say make your  intentions known before hand. No surprises.

I am uncomfortable with that advice for my household because my will will not look like it does now in ten years, in 20 years.

Part of the notification can be that you plan to review it every 5 years (or whatever), and if anything major happens.  Lots of life events mean wills need revision. 

Plus you don't have to go into great detail.  Person X is my executor, person Y is backup, rough division of assets.  A list for important personal items.  Where the executor can find the will, important documents.Etc.

This has been standard in my family, no drama in any generation.

Oh relevant parties know who the executors are and where to find the will.

 Itís when we talk about rough division of assets ...that will change. Iím less and less interested in leaving money to relatives as time goes on. And as I plan to spend my assets, it will be less likely that I will divide assets 10 ways as in our current will.

Wills can be contested (at least in my US state). Hence we created a revocable living trust to avoid probate.
(Wife has a workplace benefit; we got it done for free.)

https://www.investopedia.com/articles/personal-finance/051315/will-vs-trust-difference-between-two.asp

iris lily

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2336 on: January 05, 2021, 11:24:33 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

Publicizing in that manner may be manipulative, but you should always share your plans with the people involved. What's in your will should not be a surprise to people after you die.
Both attorneys we talk to about wills  say make your  intentions known before hand. No surprises.

I am uncomfortable with that advice for my household because my will will not look like it does now in ten years, in 20 years.

Part of the notification can be that you plan to review it every 5 years (or whatever), and if anything major happens.  Lots of life events mean wills need revision. 

Plus you don't have to go into great detail.  Person X is my executor, person Y is backup, rough division of assets.  A list for important personal items.  Where the executor can find the will, important documents.Etc.

This has been standard in my family, no drama in any generation.

Oh relevant parties know who the executors are and where to find the will.

 Itís when we talk about rough division of assets ...that will change. Iím less and less interested in leaving money to relatives as time goes on. And as I plan to spend my assets, it will be less likely that I will divide assets 10 ways as in our current will.

Wills can be contested (at least in my US state). Hence we created a revocable living trust to avoid probate.
(Wife has a workplace benefit; we got it done for free.)

https://www.investopedia.com/articles/personal-finance/051315/will-vs-trust-difference-between-two.asp

Actually, we do have a trust. Are used the term ďwill  ďjust to make life easier here.

talltexan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2337 on: January 07, 2021, 06:56:12 AM »
My friend (41M) just lost his Dad (88M). Dad was very successful in business, and lived a rich life that included a late marriage to a third wife six years ago.

I also happen to know that my friend was a committed pro-Business member of the Texas Republican party, for which he gave a series of speeches advocating an elimination of the estate tax. His dad died on 12/31, and part of me cannot help but suspect that no one wanted the estate to be exposed to a possible Biden tax hike.