Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 910664 times)

UpNAtom

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2250 on: September 22, 2020, 12:59:28 PM »
Thank goodness my parents have decided to declutter and sell the house. That was shaping up to be the biggest mess for an estate. Accounts already have beneficiaries to bypass probate. There are unopened boxes in the basement from my Dad's random stuff dating back from the 1970s - ones he packed up for a move 30 years ago, and never opened again.

Had the talk with my parents where they basically said: we don't have much but you can have the house and everything in it.

I had to sadly inform them that I do not live anywhere near them (sadly will sell the house) and that since I would drive up, take whatever made sense and put it in the car (keepsakes and items they specifically tell me where they are), but absolutely everything else would be auctioned/sold off. 

I have no use for 2 extra vehicles, 2 others that "will get repaired at some point", boxes that have not been unpacked in over 20 years (but have moved multiple times), and every other knickknack.  This is a 3 story house with a separate 3 bay garage (the garage can't fit either of the working vehicles...nor at least one of the non-functional ones) - the house was purchased AFTER us kids were out.

I did tell them that I would be too upset at their loss to want to even begin trying to deal with going through everything and planning a funeral... and that any money that was left over after debts would go towards working less and the grandchild(ren).

scottish

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2251 on: September 22, 2020, 03:28:29 PM »
My BIL wanted $750-$800/hour in executor fees for my parents estate. He thought fees of 120K for about 150 hours of work was appropriate. Said that if we didn't agree he would not allow our sister to see us. We obviously didn't agree to that and it created quite a division between him and my sister and my other siblings and I. Turns out he had a gambling addiction, gambled away my sisters portion of the estate and wanted more. She has since left him. It was a really sad way to treat our parents legacy as they had lived a very MMM lifestyle to retire early and leave an estate for my siblings.

Lesson for me from that was make sure that executor fees are agreed to up front. We trusted that he was doing it for our parents and the family, we all considered him a close friend until this happened.

Very gross.

My estate instructions (specifically in care of the kids until the youngest is 25) state that the executor gets $5,000 a year for the first 5 years, then $7500 for the next 5 years, and $10,000 for the next 5 years. It also states that year 1 is paid in full, even if it starts on 12/31, and so year 2 would be paid the very next day, and that the last year is paid in full, even though the youngest will turn 25 in mid-year.

Funds are held in a Vanguard fund as proposed in the JL Collins Series.

Taxes are to be filed by my current CPA.

Monthly payments of XXXX paid to guardian, extra XXXX for vacation, visiting specific relatives is allowed and those relatives are to be given XXXX for the visit. College funds are for in-state tuition only, so if they go to private school, they must find the other money. If child does not go to college but works for 4 years, then equivalent funds will be paid over 4 years (same for if they get full scholarships or use the GI Bill).

There's more, but the main thing is no ambiguity, no confusion.

Wow.    Where did you find someone who would agree to a 15 year commitment like that?   

I'm executor for my mother and joint for my dad.    They had a substantial estate, but we intend to have it wound up by 3 years.      Of course, there are no children to look after...

For guardianship, the first person I asked realized he couldn't after initially saying yes. The next couple thoughtlessly said yes and then when I sent them the estate instructions, they were very surprised that there was so much to consider that had already been thought of ahead of time. They divorced and now I'm on to my 3rd choice.

This is over the course of about 10 years now, and the odds of me dying before these kids reach 25 is getting slimmer by the day.

For the estate management, a very old friend who does high-level admin work agreed to it. If he is unable, I'll ask a friend who has also acted as my attorney.

Along the way, though, getting people to initially read the estate instructions was a bit of a challenge. One guardian said, 'I didn't think it mattered,' to which I had to explain it was the very instructions they'd be held to, to care for 4 kids, and if they object to anything, they need to say so, because if I'm dead, it's set.

That's the thing.   If you get a family member or close friend to be trustee, then they're bound by the terms of the trust and they have a civil liability to the beneficiaries if they fail to meet those terms.   If you pay a professional, they take a pretty big piece of the action.


Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2252 on: October 09, 2020, 09:14:45 AM »
Back in 2011, a work acquaintance got fired.  A few weeks later, I messaged her on FB to see how she was doing.  Little did I know what sort of drama this simple act of compassion would bring. ...

This is so juicy that it almost needs its own ongoing thread. Wow. Just wow. You went above and beyond in multiple ways. Glad that you're not jumping on that sinking ship. Yikes.

Spending through $300K in a couple of years. OUCH!

I had visions how easy it would be to have a $5K car purchased with cash, a small tidy cottage owned outright, and a healthy investment account accruing interest.

saguaro

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2253 on: October 12, 2020, 10:27:43 AM »
I had to sadly inform them that I do not live anywhere near them (sadly will sell the house) and that since I would drive up, take whatever made sense and put it in the car (keepsakes and items they specifically tell me where they are), but absolutely everything else would be auctioned/sold off. 

I have no use for 2 extra vehicles, 2 others that "will get repaired at some point", boxes that have not been unpacked in over 20 years (but have moved multiple times), and every other knickknack.  This is a 3 story house with a separate 3 bay garage (the garage can't fit either of the working vehicles...nor at least one of the non-functional ones) - the house was purchased AFTER us kids were out.

To my parents' credit they did try to declutter and got some pretty large items out such as the old upright piano, camper trailer, and old VW Super Beetle, however as they got older they pretty much abandoned the effort.    But back during that time, my mother told me of how she was nagging Dad to "get rid of things because we can't leave this all for the kids".    I remember advising her to keep doing that because honestly (and I said this very kindly, offering to help but was declined) none of us would be able to take all of this stuff on and we would probably sell or auction it off. 

Capsu78

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2254 on: October 12, 2020, 03:12:30 PM »
DW mom died in 2008.  Last week, we received a box from her sister containing the last of her parents remaining items.  I was initially "irritated" as we decluttered a couple years back when we moved.   But as I looked at the stuff, I realized this was the stuff her mom put the highest "love" priority on.  A couple of letters from her husband while he was "on government business" kicking the Hun's ass (his words!).  A set of books from the 1920's and 30's that her Mom had been given and used in her first classroom as a young teacher. 
Some strange stuff like the obituary for Bing Crosby in 1977 to which I said "Why?"... Turns out my wife's dad got to see Bing entertain the troops in October of 1944, about 8 weeks before living through the Battle of the Bulge.   His 3 day pass in July 1943 which he used to get married to my wifes mom before he shipped off to Italy, then England, France, Belgium and crossing the Rhine.
Anyway, the items in the box "bring us joy" as the little Japanese declutter girl says, so probably won't be pitching much of this stuff...Just need to find a grandkid to develop an interest in the family history.
Moral of story????  2008-2020 and we have finally finished the process of decluttering the deceased parents stuff.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2255 on: October 14, 2020, 02:21:32 PM »
DW's parents want help cleaning out their storage room. Boxes and boxes of knick-knacks mostly. Great!

I offered several years back to get it done but that meant the inlaws going away for a few hours, me loading it up and hauling it to Goodwill - not sorting it.  I got a bit of evil eye for it. ;)

Yeah, it needs a little sorting for safety and privacy. They want to do it now - during a pandemic - and they are in the high risk categories in a rising case state.
DW and I are both working in public facing jobs. Not feeling like this is a safe time for them? I think they mostly want a visit. As do my parents.

The holidays are going to be hard this year for everyone.

frugalecon

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2256 on: October 14, 2020, 04:10:53 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

Mighty Eyebrows

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2257 on: October 14, 2020, 08:25:49 PM »
I just want to say thank-you to everyone for sharing their stories. I started reading this thread a while back and was not sure what to expect, but I think it is highly therapeutic for anyone who has a somewhat unpredictable family. Almost every family has some craziness and seeing how others have dealt with it tends to take some of the pain out of the process. We all feel that our problems are unique and, while they are somewhat unique, many people have seen variations on the theme.

Unfortunately I cannot share my own stories in any detail, but just a few suggestions (mostly stated before):

1) Plan your estate and discuss it with your kids.

2) It is better to give with a warm hand...

3) Make sure your parents have planned well and if they haven't, prepare yourself as best you can.

4) Don't be afraid to cut off a crazy family member. Sanity is more important than blood.


Sibley

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2258 on: October 17, 2020, 05:08:15 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

FYI, you can refuse to take responsibility.

TomTX

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2259 on: October 17, 2020, 06:49:19 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

FYI, you can refuse to take responsibility.

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...this sounds like the 4th use case.

AMandM

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2260 on: October 17, 2020, 07:06:43 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?

frugalecon

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2261 on: October 17, 2020, 08:16:56 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?

My main concern is that the heirs, including my spouse, are as indecisive and disorganized as my FIL. But I appreciate the perspective above that i can just try to disengage when it happens.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2262 on: October 17, 2020, 08:22:30 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

OMG, are they ditherers?    A group of ditherers in charge is hell on earth to me.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?

My main concern is that the heirs, including my spouse, are as indecisive and disorganized as my FIL. But I appreciate the perspective above that i can just try to disengage when it happens.

kina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2263 on: November 15, 2020, 01:03:34 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?
A parent like this rarely spawns an entire group of non-dysfunctional offspring. It only takes one to drag it out for years.

StachingforLife

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2264 on: November 17, 2020, 05:52:15 PM »
I've got two things so far:

1. My older brother occasionally brags about the 2 homes he believes he'll inherit from our aunt. He was a very troublesome teen and was taken care of by this aunt (no kids of her own) for a few years until his high school graduation. Our mom was going through cancer treatment and he was just too much for my parents at the time. So since that time with her, he'd gotten closer to her than me. Though to be honest, she's a pretty awful person so I haven't really wanted to get that closer to her anyway.
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.

2. When my maternal great-grandmother died, she specified in her will that my mother would get the value of her home. My maternal grandmother was furious about this. Even though my mom had been taking care of my great-grandmother for years while my maternal grandmother barely did anything for her own mother. She tried to find ways to prove that she should get some of the money and ended up claiming to have bought my great-grandmother new carpets 20 years prior to her death and demanded $10,000. My mom is a peace-keeper and gave it to her. But I'll always remember my father telling me about this and how money changes people- and in these situations, not for the better.
P.S. My grandmother is turning 81 next year and still can't retire. I'd bet if she'd been retired and good with money at the time of my great-grandmother's death, she wouldn't have tried to stake her claim.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2265 on: November 17, 2020, 08:10:19 PM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

StachingforLife

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2266 on: November 17, 2020, 08:25:02 PM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2267 on: November 18, 2020, 03:37:33 AM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

I'm in a similar situation. I cut my aunt off a long time ago and I know one sibling will probably inherit everything. Every time I hear them complain about her, I just think "not my circus, not my monkeys". The worst was when I heard complaints through my siblings that it was so expensive to keep changing your will to cut more people out. I think my sibling is the only one out of all the nieces/nephews/godchildren still in the will. It happens that people fall out but when you fall out with so many people there's clearly something wrong with you. I wouldn't want such an incredibly toxic person in my life for all the money in the world.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2268 on: November 18, 2020, 05:38:59 AM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

I'm in a similar situation. I cut my aunt off a long time ago and I know one sibling will probably inherit everything. Every time I hear them complain about her, I just think "not my circus, not my monkeys". The worst was when I heard complaints through my siblings that it was so expensive to keep changing your will to cut more people out. I think my sibling is the only one out of all the nieces/nephews/godchildren still in the will. It happens that people fall out but when you fall out with so many people there's clearly something wrong with you. I wouldn't want such an incredibly toxic person in my life for all the money in the world.
There's an old saying that sums it up: "If you meet one jerk today, you've met one jerk.  If *everyone* is a jerk today, then *you're* the jerk."  Wise words--we use a version of this with our kids ("If one of your siblings is bugging you, then come ask for help.  If everyone is bugging you, you're probably the problem")

StachingforLife

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2269 on: November 20, 2020, 05:26:41 PM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

I'm in a similar situation. I cut my aunt off a long time ago and I know one sibling will probably inherit everything. Every time I hear them complain about her, I just think "not my circus, not my monkeys". The worst was when I heard complaints through my siblings that it was so expensive to keep changing your will to cut more people out. I think my sibling is the only one out of all the nieces/nephews/godchildren still in the will. It happens that people fall out but when you fall out with so many people there's clearly something wrong with you. I wouldn't want such an incredibly toxic person in my life for all the money in the world.

Exactly!!! My aunt is so awful to be around! I told my husband the same thing- putting up with her crap isn't worth the inheritance for one second. And my aunt is the same way as yours with cutting people out. If she'd had children, I'd bet she would've cut them out by now too. It amazes me she hasn't cut me out yet. Lol a ticking time bomb I'm sure with my mouth.
It really sucks to cut out family members but no one needs extra stress in their lives.

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2270 on: November 21, 2020, 04:06:35 AM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

I'm in a similar situation. I cut my aunt off a long time ago and I know one sibling will probably inherit everything. Every time I hear them complain about her, I just think "not my circus, not my monkeys". The worst was when I heard complaints through my siblings that it was so expensive to keep changing your will to cut more people out. I think my sibling is the only one out of all the nieces/nephews/godchildren still in the will. It happens that people fall out but when you fall out with so many people there's clearly something wrong with you. I wouldn't want such an incredibly toxic person in my life for all the money in the world.

Exactly!!! My aunt is so awful to be around! I told my husband the same thing- putting up with her crap isn't worth the inheritance for one second. And my aunt is the same way as yours with cutting people out. If she'd had children, I'd bet she would've cut them out by now too. It amazes me she hasn't cut me out yet. Lol a ticking time bomb I'm sure with my mouth.
It really sucks to cut out family members but no one needs extra stress in their lives.

I believe that those difficult aunts etc in some way respect more the people who donít take crap from them that people that take everything to gain an inheritance.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2271 on: November 21, 2020, 07:37:06 AM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

I'm in a similar situation. I cut my aunt off a long time ago and I know one sibling will probably inherit everything. Every time I hear them complain about her, I just think "not my circus, not my monkeys". The worst was when I heard complaints through my siblings that it was so expensive to keep changing your will to cut more people out. I think my sibling is the only one out of all the nieces/nephews/godchildren still in the will. It happens that people fall out but when you fall out with so many people there's clearly something wrong with you. I wouldn't want such an incredibly toxic person in my life for all the money in the world.

Exactly!!! My aunt is so awful to be around! I told my husband the same thing- putting up with her crap isn't worth the inheritance for one second. And my aunt is the same way as yours with cutting people out. If she'd had children, I'd bet she would've cut them out by now too. It amazes me she hasn't cut me out yet. Lol a ticking time bomb I'm sure with my mouth.
It really sucks to cut out family members but no one needs extra stress in their lives.

This is my MIL - she's changed her will a dozen times over the last twenty years to cut or add back people. You'd think there was a big estate but she's only worth about $100K. If she goes into a nursing home it will be gone in less than a year and if she doesn't, once the funeral is paid for, it will be less than $15,000 for each of the inheritors. My husband's out of the will right now and he intends to stay that way.

iluvzbeach

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2272 on: November 21, 2020, 10:04:54 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2273 on: November 21, 2020, 10:35:28 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

It IS manipulative.  That's the exact point of doing it.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2274 on: November 21, 2020, 11:25:49 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

iluvzbeach

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2275 on: November 21, 2020, 01:21:56 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2276 on: November 21, 2020, 01:40:41 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

She's a writer from the golden age of detective fiction (between the wars) and SO many of her books are about a cantankerous old person changing their will multiple times with great fanfare to include or exclude various family members in order to keep them at their beck and call, and include a large cast of hangers-on who kowtow to COP (cantankerous old person)'s every demand in the hope of being in their good books on the day they die and therefore being in the latest version of the will. Naturally, that means they all have a potent motive for being the murderer. In fact, the catalyst for the murder is often that COP has a fight with someone and announces that they will call their solicitor tomorrow and cut them out of the will - but they mysteriously die before they manage to do it...

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2277 on: November 21, 2020, 02:05:20 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

She's a writer from the golden age of detective fiction (between the wars) and SO many of her books are about a cantankerous old person changing their will multiple times with great fanfare to include or exclude various family members in order to keep them at their beck and call, and include a large cast of hangers-on who kowtow to COP (cantankerous old person)'s every demand in the hope of being in their good books on the day they die and therefore being in the latest version of the will. Naturally, that means they all have a potent motive for being the murderer. In fact, the catalyst for the murder is often that COP has a fight with someone and announces that they will call their solicitor tomorrow and cut them out of the will - but they mysteriously die before they manage to do it...

You know, that synopsis explained to the COP in question might get them to rethink being such a vocal ass about their will.    Maybe hand them a t-shirt or hat with cross-hairs on it to drive home the point...

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2278 on: November 21, 2020, 02:44:54 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

It IS manipulative.  That's the exact point of doing it.

Yes, my aunt always used to inform us that so-and-so was out of the will because he did this thing, so we should make sure we never do this thing because that would mean we were going to be out of the will and we weren't going to get The Inheritance. The way she talkes about it you may think it's a multi million trust fund, but it's a bog standard terraced house that still has a mortgage and her china from the 1980s.

She used to teach me valuable life lessons like how you should set aside 10% of your earnings to invest in jewelry, that no one has ever gotten a job through networking and that I will probably end up on my own because I didn't go steady with anyone during highschool and always look like a mess. And then came "at your age I was married already!". I first met Mr Imma at the ripe old age of 22 and didn't "go steady" with him until I was 23! The horror. Instead of investing in jewelry I became a home owner at 24. I'm 30 now and just bought my first set of china and my first piece of real (vintage) jewelry this year. Still look like a mess, so I made sure to find a guy who doesn't like make-up and nailpolish and things like that.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2279 on: November 21, 2020, 08:06:38 PM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

iluvzbeach

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2280 on: November 21, 2020, 10:40:18 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

She's a writer from the golden age of detective fiction (between the wars) and SO many of her books are about a cantankerous old person changing their will multiple times with great fanfare to include or exclude various family members in order to keep them at their beck and call, and include a large cast of hangers-on who kowtow to COP (cantankerous old person)'s every demand in the hope of being in their good books on the day they die and therefore being in the latest version of the will. Naturally, that means they all have a potent motive for being the murderer. In fact, the catalyst for the murder is often that COP has a fight with someone and announces that they will call their solicitor tomorrow and cut them out of the will - but they mysteriously die before they manage to do it...

I will definitely check them out! Thanks for the info. By the way, I know of Agatha Christie, just donít recall reading any of her books or what they are about.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2281 on: November 22, 2020, 12:01:25 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

She's a writer from the golden age of detective fiction (between the wars) and SO many of her books are about a cantankerous old person changing their will multiple times with great fanfare to include or exclude various family members in order to keep them at their beck and call, and include a large cast of hangers-on who kowtow to COP (cantankerous old person)'s every demand in the hope of being in their good books on the day they die and therefore being in the latest version of the will. Naturally, that means they all have a potent motive for being the murderer. In fact, the catalyst for the murder is often that COP has a fight with someone and announces that they will call their solicitor tomorrow and cut them out of the will - but they mysteriously die before they manage to do it...

I will definitely check them out! Thanks for the info. By the way, I know of Agatha Christie, just donít recall reading any of her books or what they are about.

I actually haven't *read* that many but am a HUGE fan of the ITV Poirot series with David Suchet. Maybe it's an acquired taste? But it's our go-to comfort viewing. I'm currently trudging through the ITV Marples and they are just not up to snuff.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2282 on: November 22, 2020, 02:05:03 PM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

The worst thing is, she truly is! I can't imagine actually caring enough about the life choices of family members I don't like to be disappointed in them. When we were still in touch she was in my phone as Hyacinth Bucket.

My dad and aunt had one of those Agatha Christie aunts too so I guess they just think that's normal behaviour? She died of natural causes, but I'm sure some family members were sometimes tempted as she was so difficult.

rpr

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2283 on: November 22, 2020, 02:16:34 PM »
I remember this episode. This is not Agatha Christie but is a BritMur in the Midsomer Murders series.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0868397/

I enjoyed that series.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2284 on: November 22, 2020, 08:52:54 PM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

The worst thing is, she truly is! I can't imagine actually caring enough about the life choices of family members I don't like to be disappointed in them. When we were still in touch she was in my phone as Hyacinth Bucket.

Well, at least we all know you're doing it right!

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2285 on: November 23, 2020, 12:31:44 AM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

The worst thing is, she truly is! I can't imagine actually caring enough about the life choices of family members I don't like to be disappointed in them. When we were still in touch she was in my phone as Hyacinth Bucket.

My dad and aunt had one of those Agatha Christie aunts too so I guess they just think that's normal behaviour? She died of natural causes, but I'm sure some family members were sometimes tempted as she was so difficult.

Hilarious detective novel plot: yes, I did murder COP, but not for the money - just to get them to shut up about it!

PhilB

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2286 on: November 23, 2020, 02:02:41 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

She's a writer from the golden age of detective fiction (between the wars) and SO many of her books are about a cantankerous old person changing their will multiple times with great fanfare to include or exclude various family members in order to keep them at their beck and call, and include a large cast of hangers-on who kowtow to COP (cantankerous old person)'s every demand in the hope of being in their good books on the day they die and therefore being in the latest version of the will. Naturally, that means they all have a potent motive for being the murderer. In fact, the catalyst for the murder is often that COP has a fight with someone and announces that they will call their solicitor tomorrow and cut them out of the will - but they mysteriously die before they manage to do it...

I will definitely check them out! Thanks for the info. By the way, I know of Agatha Christie, just donít recall reading any of her books or what they are about.

I actually haven't *read* that many but am a HUGE fan of the ITV Poirot series with David Suchet. Maybe it's an acquired taste? But it's our go-to comfort viewing. I'm currently trudging through the ITV Marples and they are just not up to snuff.

No Marple is ever likely to hold a candle to the late, great Joan Hickson.  And don't get me started on Kenneth Branagh's murdering of Poirot.  Harrumph.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2287 on: November 23, 2020, 08:11:44 AM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

She has solid priorities! That's MMM marrying material! ;)

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2288 on: November 23, 2020, 10:36:59 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

It IS manipulative.  That's the exact point of doing it.

Yes, my aunt always used to inform us that so-and-so was out of the will because he did this thing, so we should make sure we never do this thing because that would mean we were going to be out of the will and we weren't going to get The Inheritance. The way she talkes about it you may think it's a multi million trust fund, but it's a bog standard terraced house that still has a mortgage and her china from the 1980s.

She used to teach me valuable life lessons like how you should set aside 10% of your earnings to invest in jewelry, that no one has ever gotten a job through networking and that I will probably end up on my own because I didn't go steady with anyone during highschool and always look like a mess. And then came "at your age I was married already!". I first met Mr Imma at the ripe old age of 22 and didn't "go steady" with him until I was 23! The horror. Instead of investing in jewelry I became a home owner at 24. I'm 30 now and just bought my first set of china and my first piece of real (vintage) jewelry this year. Still look like a mess, so I made sure to find a guy who doesn't like make-up and nailpolish and things like that.

I wonder if it is a generations thing. From a generation that has seen wars it would not be such a stupid advice. Jewelries are easy to take with you if you have to flee or are possible to use to buy necessities if money loose the value due to inflation. Networking in todays sense didnít exist at least in the working classes. The same with marriage at least from a more european perspective. Americans seems more conservative and get married early. Two generations ago you got married early or when someone got pregnant by mistake. Here, many get a couple of kids first and then they might get married after living together for many years. You rarely see people getting married in their 20ies if they donít have a foreign background.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2289 on: November 23, 2020, 10:45:55 AM »

Networking in todays sense didnít exist at least in the working classes. The same with marriage at least from a more european perspective.

I don't know where you got that idea.   Gobs of working class people have helped a buddy get a job.

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2290 on: November 23, 2020, 11:15:44 AM »

Networking in todays sense didnít exist at least in the working classes. The same with marriage at least from a more european perspective.

I don't know where you got that idea.   Gobs of working class people have helped a buddy get a job.

That is why I wrote in todays sense. Networking in the meaning of going to networks events, lunches or conferences with the purpose of getting a job or business but if I look up the word in a english dictionary it can be for both professional and social reasons. I would skip a lot of events if it would not be a part of being in the business as I do. I donít meet my friends for ĒnetworkingĒ and I donít see it as networking to help a buddy or a family member get a job but maybe it is a language difference.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2291 on: November 23, 2020, 11:34:40 AM »

Networking in todays sense didnít exist at least in the working classes. The same with marriage at least from a more european perspective.

I don't know where you got that idea.   Gobs of working class people have helped a buddy get a job.

That is why I wrote in todays sense. Networking in the meaning of going to networks events, lunches or conferences with the purpose of getting a job or business but if I look up the word in a english dictionary it can be for both professional and social reasons. I would skip a lot of events if it would not be a part of being in the business as I do. I donít meet my friends for ĒnetworkingĒ and I donít see it as networking to help a buddy or a family member get a job but maybe it is a language difference.

You mean conferences like this:

"https://1tomplumber.com/best-plumbing-trade-shows-in-2020/"

Lead paragraph from the site:

"Whether you own a plumbing business or aspire to one day, plumbing trade shows help you stay up to date with the greatest trends and technology in the industry. Creating a better customer experience through new tools, supplies, and networking with others will give you a leg up on the competition. Hereís our recommendation of the top ten plumbing trade shows to attend in 2020!"

I've met tradespeople coming to REIA (Real Estate Investors Association) meetings to meet and network with the investors.   

I suspect it's just not on your radar screen.


Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2292 on: November 23, 2020, 01:14:14 PM »

Networking in todays sense didnít exist at least in the working classes. The same with marriage at least from a more european perspective.

I don't know where you got that idea.   Gobs of working class people have helped a buddy get a job.

That is why I wrote in todays sense. Networking in the meaning of going to networks events, lunches or conferences with the purpose of getting a job or business but if I look up the word in a english dictionary it can be for both professional and social reasons. I would skip a lot of events if it would not be a part of being in the business as I do. I donít meet my friends for ĒnetworkingĒ and I donít see it as networking to help a buddy or a family member get a job but maybe it is a language difference.

You mean conferences like this:

"https://1tomplumber.com/best-plumbing-trade-shows-in-2020/"

Lead paragraph from the site:

"Whether you own a plumbing business or aspire to one day, plumbing trade shows help you stay up to date with the greatest trends and technology in the industry. Creating a better customer experience through new tools, supplies, and networking with others will give you a leg up on the competition. Hereís our recommendation of the top ten plumbing trade shows to attend in 2020!"

I've met tradespeople coming to REIA (Real Estate Investors Association) meetings to meet and network with the investors.   

I suspect it's just not on your radar screen.

I did presume that Immas aunt was elderly based on her advice, which might be wrong. Trade shows have existed for a long time but a generation or two ago it was not that many workers that visited those.  I come across a lot of industrial history in my work and trade shows seemed to be something for owners, management and salespeople, not blue collar workers. I agree, that is is a different situation today.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2293 on: November 23, 2020, 01:50:08 PM »
@Plina it's true that my aunt is from a totally different background/generation, but so are my parents and other aunts and uncles and they're not this oldfashioned. They are all Boomers and born in the 50s. It's certainly true that generation married young, but the funny thing is, that generation seems to think early marriage was the norm since the dawn of time, and actually it wasn't. At least in my country. Early marriage (average age below 25) started in the post-war period and lasted until the early 80s. Before the war people had to save up a long time to buy a house, after the war a lot of cheap council homes were built that were affordable for young couples. My parents married at 20, way earlier than their own parents (who were late 20s to late 30s). In hindsight, my own parents knew they had married way too young, so they never pushed us. My aunt had her trousseau ready before she even met her future husband and that was considered old-fashioned in the 70s too. My mother didn't start buying towels and sheets until her engagement, which was considered a bit late back then.

My family doesn't have a refugee background and no one ever bought "real" jewelry, I guess that rule of thumb is more to impress the neighbours rather than something you could easily take with you. I know in the generation of my great-grandparents in the early 20th century people bought gold coins and kept them in a safe because they didn't trust banks. Before her marriage my aunt only worked on Saturday mornings so I doubt 10% of that could buy anything valuable.

As for the networking thing, I didn't really mean the networking events. I don't have to go there (thankfully!). To me it means keeping in touch with people in my field in an informal way. The reason why we even talked about this in the first place is because at the time my job was ending, so I casually said I was going to call around for a bit. That started a "networking doesn't work" rant that lasted months. In the mean time, I actually got a job due to my network (a place where I'd covered a maternity leave wanted me back). And my uncle is an extremely skilled tradesman who has always gotten jobs through his network. He's known to be the best at what he does in our hometown and he knows and talks to everyone, and that's why people call him to offer him jobs. That sounds quite a lot like networking! He can only read and write up to primary school level so I'm glad he has a huge existing network and doesn't have to write job applications.

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2294 on: November 23, 2020, 02:38:43 PM »
@Imma Your aunt is really old fashioned. My parents are born in 50s but your aunt sounded a lot older. I donít think we have the same pattern but I donít have statistics. I know that my grandparents, that were young during the second world war got married young but rented a place for several years. My parents got married at 33 after three kids so there has been no push for marriage. The push has been more for grandkids during these last years. No partner necessarly needed.

The funny thing about trousseau is that me and my siblings had a ĒtrosseauĒ ready when we moved away from home at 16. We had a complete kitchen, towels and sheets when we moved out. Sometimes it has been quite annoying. Now, for the first time after almost 25 years away I have choosen the sheets that I want to have. It tooks that long to use all those I got before I moved away from home.

Maybe, you can separate between more intentional networking that you seem to do and what I view as networking and unintentional. My father is similar to your uncle but he would never talk about networking but he does it unintentionally as he has an interest in people that I donít have.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2295 on: November 23, 2020, 03:14:35 PM »
I had a trousseau too at that age! Not with fine china for 12 people like my aunt but I really wanted to move out, so any time someone got rid of something, or when you could collect trading stamps for something I would ask people for that.( I googled that term, I hope that's the correct term - the kind of stamps you get with every X amount spent in a store that you can exchange for household goods. ) I collected it in a box under my bed. I still have almost all of it - the towels and the knives and the mug I got as a Christmas present at my first job. Only the pots and pans turned out to be not great quality and I threw out the last one a few weeks ago.

In the 50s the average age for a woman to get married was 27 in here. That dropped to around 23 in the 70s and 80s and now we're at 30 or something. I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo. Our parents are apparantly of a similar age but it sounds like yours were a few decades ahead of mine! My friend's parents had to get married when her mum's landlady caught her dad sneaking in at night and called mum's parents! That was probably during the early 80s. Things changed quickly in the 90s.

My parents and in-laws are pushing for grandchildren too but it looks like that's not going to happen on either side of the family. It makes me kind of sad that even if one of our siblings were to have children, those kids won't experience family life like I did. It wasn't always great, there was lots of drama, but there were lots of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, people you were somehow related to but you didn't actually know how exactly. Everyone's door was always open. There are only a handful of family members left now.

economista

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2296 on: November 24, 2020, 07:31:25 AM »
I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo.

This is still the case in parts of the US. When Mr E and I moved in together before we got married (we were engaged but not married yet) we were no longer welcome at some family gatherings because we were a "bad example." It caused quite a lot of stress and heartache and my relationship with that part of the family will never be the same again.

ETA: In my family and with most of the community I grew up in getting married young is still the case as well. My grandparents got married at 18 & 21, my parents got married at 17 & 18, and then I got married at 28. My family members couldn't figure out why I wan't getting married. When I got pregnant for the first time at 29 I got lots of comments about being so OLD to be a parent, and then when I got pregnant again at 30 there was honest to goodness shock because they thought I had waited so late to get started that I would only have 1. All of my cousins/aunts/etc all had their first child before 22. I should also point out that I'm the first and still one of the only people in my family to have a college degree, and in that community it is very rare for someone to go to college.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2020, 07:36:53 AM by economista »

Sugaree

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2297 on: November 24, 2020, 09:31:59 AM »
I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo.

This is still the case in parts of the US. When Mr E and I moved in together before we got married (we were engaged but not married yet) we were no longer welcome at some family gatherings because we were a "bad example." It caused quite a lot of stress and heartache and my relationship with that part of the family will never be the same again.

ETA: In my family and with most of the community I grew up in getting married young is still the case as well. My grandparents got married at 18 & 21, my parents got married at 17 & 18, and then I got married at 28. My family members couldn't figure out why I wan't getting married. When I got pregnant for the first time at 29 I got lots of comments about being so OLD to be a parent, and then when I got pregnant again at 30 there was honest to goodness shock because they thought I had waited so late to get started that I would only have 1. All of my cousins/aunts/etc all had their first child before 22. I should also point out that I'm the first and still one of the only people in my family to have a college degree, and in that community it is very rare for someone to go to college.

Yeah, I'm in the Bible belt and weddings during the summer following HS graduation aren't *that* uncommon.  It's usually either because one, or both, are joining the military or that they want to have sex without sinning.

Psychstache

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2298 on: November 24, 2020, 11:12:03 AM »
I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo.

This is still the case in parts of the US. When Mr E and I moved in together before we got married (we were engaged but not married yet) we were no longer welcome at some family gatherings because we were a "bad example." It caused quite a lot of stress and heartache and my relationship with that part of the family will never be the same again.

ETA: In my family and with most of the community I grew up in getting married young is still the case as well. My grandparents got married at 18 & 21, my parents got married at 17 & 18, and then I got married at 28. My family members couldn't figure out why I wan't getting married. When I got pregnant for the first time at 29 I got lots of comments about being so OLD to be a parent, and then when I got pregnant again at 30 there was honest to goodness shock because they thought I had waited so late to get started that I would only have 1. All of my cousins/aunts/etc all had their first child before 22. I should also point out that I'm the first and still one of the only people in my family to have a college degree, and in that community it is very rare for someone to go to college.

Yeah, I'm in the Bible belt and weddings during the summer following HS graduation aren't *that* uncommon.  It's usually either because one, or both, are joining the military or that they want to have sex without sinning.

Or there is a baby coming in 6-7 months.

Sugaree

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2299 on: November 24, 2020, 11:25:13 AM »
I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo.

This is still the case in parts of the US. When Mr E and I moved in together before we got married (we were engaged but not married yet) we were no longer welcome at some family gatherings because we were a "bad example." It caused quite a lot of stress and heartache and my relationship with that part of the family will never be the same again.

ETA: In my family and with most of the community I grew up in getting married young is still the case as well. My grandparents got married at 18 & 21, my parents got married at 17 & 18, and then I got married at 28. My family members couldn't figure out why I wan't getting married. When I got pregnant for the first time at 29 I got lots of comments about being so OLD to be a parent, and then when I got pregnant again at 30 there was honest to goodness shock because they thought I had waited so late to get started that I would only have 1. All of my cousins/aunts/etc all had their first child before 22. I should also point out that I'm the first and still one of the only people in my family to have a college degree, and in that community it is very rare for someone to go to college.

Yeah, I'm in the Bible belt and weddings during the summer following HS graduation aren't *that* uncommon.  It's usually either because one, or both, are joining the military or that they want to have sex without sinning.

Or there is a baby coming in 6-7 months.

True.  Though I've seen a trend against getting married just because there's a baby on the way.  Which isn't a bad thing, IMO. 



At some point, my son is going to realize that he was born 5.5 months after my husband and I got married.