Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 719658 times)

DadJokes

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1800 on: July 15, 2019, 07:44:29 AM »
Not really a drama...yet, but it does make one want to facepalm....

DH is the most successful of his siblings (He did marry a Mustachian after all:P). We are well on our way to FIRE, have a stable marriage, stable careers, intact family. His other two siblings live in housing owned by their parents. One has a mental illness and hasnít worked in the past...15 years or so? Single parent. History of substance abuse.

DH recently found out that he is probably going to get very little or nothing from his parents because ďhe doesnít need the moneyĒ. They will probably leave it all to the sibling with a severe mental illness. As a lump sum. To do with as they want.

When we first got married, DH told me his parents would split their assets equally. I told him not to count on it. They were going to think that he married into money and wouldnít need their money anymore. My family is not really rich; we are finance people though and my parents have been quite wise with their money so we are comfortable.

DH and I arenít surprised by this turn of events, as DH and I had already planned on investing his portion to support his sibling if it had been split three ways. Now we are rethinking our strategy as we will likely need to support the sibling after they blow through all the money. We will just have to build the cost of covering their basic living expenses into our FIRE budget. And be prepared that a portion of our time in FIRE will be helping them navigate the different government systems and programs.

Weíre not upset or anything. Itís just interesting to read of smart people deciding NOT to leave everything to the child with mental illness who is unable of taking responsibility for managing their own life....and contrasting it to our current experience.

Maybe he can convince the parents to set up a special needs trust for the sibling instead. The sibling still gets the benefit of the money, but can't just blow through it all.

Why yes, we did suggest that. Trusts are apparently ďtoo good to be trueĒ and you canít trust that the person who administers the trust wonít steal all your money.

We also suggested purchasing an annuity with sibling as the beneficiary. But no, that is too good to be true! What company would keep paying until the beneficiary dies?! Apparently, annuities are scams.

Well, annuities are scams in that the fees are generally ridiculous. However, it can be useful if the beneficiary is not capable of handling the money. Would the parents trust y'all to administer the trust?

I'm guessing not, based on their decisions so far. It's terrible when those we love won't listen to sound advice.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1801 on: July 15, 2019, 07:49:13 AM »
We have a mentally handicapped daughter (Down syndrome) who can't provide for herself thru no fault of her own.  We also have a son who is perfectly capable of taking care of himself and his family.

We made it very clear ages ago that our priority #1 was to make sure our daughter would be well provided for.   He's a good son and brother and that makes perfect sense to him.

It's really only been the last 5 years that we realized that there is a good chance there will be enough for her and a very sizeable portion left over for him.  We're in the process of setting up our wills.   She'll get a set dollar amount or 50%, whichever is greater.  He'll get the rest.  If our portfolio grew nicely and medical bills didn't eat it up, that will be a lot of money. If not, he might get nothing.  Her portion will go into a trust.  She won't own the trust, she'll own a life interest in the income it provides.  When she dies the money will revert to our son or his descendants.   

I think the reason for the unequal distribution is very different than just taking care of people because they are too damn lazy to do so for themselves, or too damn spoiled to live within their means.

It just doesn't make a lot of sense to reinforce failure instead of success.  But, then again, doing that for many years is how you get overaged children in the first place, I guess.

Freedomin5

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1802 on: July 15, 2019, 07:49:56 AM »

Is there any particular reason that you have to support the sibling?  I've made it perfectly clear to DH that I will not be supporting his brother.  His parents still say that they will split everything equally, but I have my doubts that will ever happen.  They've handed over money to BIL in large chunks more than once (the latest request was for $40k and they tried to sell a house that was supposed to be DH's to do so) and have been paying his rent for at least 5 years now.  I suspect that there won't be much left to split and even if there was, it will go to BIL because "he needs it more."   I get that the situation is different because BIL doesn't have a severe MI, but at some point you have to save yourself before you save others.

Because weíve already saved ourselves. We have our own oxygen masks on. And we canít just let the sibling end up homeless on the street with the kid (nephew)...and we canít live with ourselves if they ended up in public housing in some unsafe area of town while we are comfortably ensconced in our luxury condo/townhouse while spending the summers at our cottage. Sibling is the type who will completely be taken advantage of by unsavory characters.  Itís not their fault they grew up in an abusive home and have a family history of mental illness and drew the short end of the stick in terms of developing a mental illness and have parents whose financial abilities are questionable at best.

Obviously, we will not be buying them a penthouse suite overlooking the lake, but we will do our best to ensure that they are fed, clothed, and housed (in a Separate residence from us - thatís not really frugal, but it does set boundaries and allow me to maintain my sanity).

Freedomin5

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1803 on: July 15, 2019, 07:58:22 AM »
Not really a drama...yet, but it does make one want to facepalm.

 (Snip)


Maybe he can convince the parents to set up a special needs trust for the sibling instead. The sibling still gets the benefit of the money, but can't just blow through it all.

Why yes, we did suggest that. Trusts are apparently ďtoo good to be trueĒ and you canít trust that the person who administers the trust wonít steal all your money.

We also suggested purchasing an annuity with sibling as the beneficiary. But no, that is too good to be true! What company would keep paying until the beneficiary dies?! Apparently, annuities are scams.

Well, annuities are scams in that the fees are generally ridiculous. However, it can be useful if the beneficiary is not capable of handling the money. Would the parents trust y'all to administer the trust?

I'm guessing not, based on their decisions so far. It's terrible when those we love won't listen to sound advice.

In their minds, DH and I will make off with all their money. DHís mom told him over 10 years ago that I was with him just so I could take all his money and then divorce him...because Iím a visible minority and not from the same culture as DH, so obviously Iím poor. She stopped saying that when I drove up in my parentsí Acura to visit once, because my own dinky Toyota was in the shop. But his parents still worry that I will steal all the money, because Iím not ďfamilyĒ so I canít be trusted. And DH canít be trusted because he listens to me.

ETA: I wouldnít want the job to administer the trust even if it was offered to me. Me stand between sibling and THEIR money! Having me control how much of their money they can access each month? Thatís a disaster waiting to happen. Itís one thing if itís My money that Iím using to clothe and house them. Itís another thing when Iím ďnot allowing them to access what is rightfully theirsĒ.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2019, 08:04:30 AM by Freedomin5 »

Sugaree

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1804 on: July 15, 2019, 08:07:22 AM »

Is there any particular reason that you have to support the sibling?  I've made it perfectly clear to DH that I will not be supporting his brother.  His parents still say that they will split everything equally, but I have my doubts that will ever happen.  They've handed over money to BIL in large chunks more than once (the latest request was for $40k and they tried to sell a house that was supposed to be DH's to do so) and have been paying his rent for at least 5 years now.  I suspect that there won't be much left to split and even if there was, it will go to BIL because "he needs it more."   I get that the situation is different because BIL doesn't have a severe MI, but at some point you have to save yourself before you save others.

Because weíve already saved ourselves. We have our own oxygen masks on. And we canít just let the sibling end up homeless on the street with the kid (nephew)...and we canít live with ourselves if they ended up in public housing in some unsafe area of town while we are comfortably ensconced in our luxury condo/townhouse while spending the summers at our cottage. Sibling is the type who will completely be taken advantage of by unsavory characters.  Itís not their fault they grew up in an abusive home and have a family history of mental illness and drew the short end of the stick in terms of developing a mental illness and have parents whose financial abilities are questionable at best.

Obviously, we will not be buying them a penthouse suite overlooking the lake, but we will do our best to ensure that they are fed, clothed, and housed (in a Separate residence from us - thatís not really frugal, but it does set boundaries and allow me to maintain my sanity).


Gotcha.  My experience with MI has been with people who choose not to treat for various reasons.  I am also not in a place where I ever see us providing the support that BIL has been getting while also not putting our own stability in jeopardy. 

DadJokes

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1805 on: July 15, 2019, 08:09:02 AM »
Not really a drama...yet, but it does make one want to facepalm.

 (Snip)


Maybe he can convince the parents to set up a special needs trust for the sibling instead. The sibling still gets the benefit of the money, but can't just blow through it all.

Why yes, we did suggest that. Trusts are apparently ďtoo good to be trueĒ and you canít trust that the person who administers the trust wonít steal all your money.

We also suggested purchasing an annuity with sibling as the beneficiary. But no, that is too good to be true! What company would keep paying until the beneficiary dies?! Apparently, annuities are scams.

Well, annuities are scams in that the fees are generally ridiculous. However, it can be useful if the beneficiary is not capable of handling the money. Would the parents trust y'all to administer the trust?

I'm guessing not, based on their decisions so far. It's terrible when those we love won't listen to sound advice.

In their minds, DH and I will make off with all their money. DHís mom told him over 10 years ago that I was with him just so I could take all his money and then divorce him...because Iím a visible minority and not from the same culture as DH, so obviously Iím poor. She stopped saying that when I drove up in my parentsí Acura to visit once, because my own dinky Toyota was in the shop. But his parents still worry that I will steal all the money, because Iím not ďfamilyĒ so I canít be trusted. And DH canít be trusted because he listens to me.

ETA: I wouldnít want the job to administer the trust even if it was offered to me. Me stand between sibling and THEIR money! Having me control how much of their money they can access each month? Thatís a disaster waiting to happen. Itís one thing if itís My money that Iím using to clothe and house them. Itís another thing when Iím ďnot allowing them to access what is rightfully theirsĒ.

Jeez...I would stay as far from that situation as possible.

I actually have a better relationship with my in-laws than I do with my own parents. I hate that it's a sour relationship for you.

Freedomin5

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1806 on: July 15, 2019, 08:24:09 AM »
DH also has a better relationship with his in-laws than he does with his own parents. :D

In my culture, the daughter traditionally leaves her family and joins the husbandís family after marriage. My mom likes to say that instead of losing a daughter, she gained a son instead.

pudding

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1807 on: July 15, 2019, 09:34:46 AM »
My fathers mother who I never really knew much met a man later in life and got married in her 70's.

He had no relatives and had money, he died before her.

When she died me and my sister went to her funeral and my sister became friendly with a cousin there that we hadn't known up until then. The cousin was my fathers sisters daughter.

Shortly after that funeral I moved to a new country.

About 3 years later my sister told me that she had stayed in touch with this cousin and the cousin had said to her how generous it was of our grandmother to 'give us money before she died'?

My sister asked what money was that as she had not received any.

The cousin replied that grandmother had given money to her adult children and also given money to them to be passed onto their adult children.. her grandchildren (that be me;)

But my father thinking that we wouldn't know about this as we didn't know that side of the family 'kept' the money for himself.

Thereby cheating both his children and his own mothers wish on her deathbed.

Such a lovely man my father is! 

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1808 on: July 15, 2019, 09:58:32 AM »
My fathers mother who I never really knew much met a man later in life and got married in her 70's.

He had no relatives and had money, he died before her.

When she died me and my sister went to her funeral and my sister became friendly with a cousin there that we hadn't known up until then. The cousin was my fathers sisters daughter.

Shortly after that funeral I moved to a new country.

About 3 years later my sister told me that she had stayed in touch with this cousin and the cousin had said to her how generous it was of our grandmother to 'give us money before she died'?

My sister asked what money was that as she had not received any.

The cousin replied that grandmother had given money to her adult children and also given money to them to be passed onto their adult children.. her grandchildren (that be me;)

But my father thinking that we wouldn't know about this as we didn't know that side of the family 'kept' the money for himself.

Thereby cheating both his children and his own mothers wish on her deathbed.

Such a lovely man my father is!

That's theft and fraud.   Have him cough up the money or go to jail.  Then have nothing else to do with him because if he'll steal from you like that, you don't need him in your life.

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1809 on: July 15, 2019, 10:07:31 AM »
My fathers mother who I never really knew much met a man later in life and got married in her 70's.

He had no relatives and had money, he died before her.

When she died me and my sister went to her funeral and my sister became friendly with a cousin there that we hadn't known up until then. The cousin was my fathers sisters daughter.

Shortly after that funeral I moved to a new country.

About 3 years later my sister told me that she had stayed in touch with this cousin and the cousin had said to her how generous it was of our grandmother to 'give us money before she died'?

My sister asked what money was that as she had not received any.

The cousin replied that grandmother had given money to her adult children and also given money to them to be passed onto their adult children.. her grandchildren (that be me;)

But my father thinking that we wouldn't know about this as we didn't know that side of the family 'kept' the money for himself.

Thereby cheating both his children and his own mothers wish on her deathbed.

Such a lovely man my father is!

That's theft and fraud.   Have him cough up the money or go to jail.  Then have nothing else to do with him because if he'll steal from you like that, you don't need him in your life.
It depends on what was written in her will. If it was just her verbal expectation, it won't be enforceable. If she gifted it before she died without written instructions, same deal.
There is a strong likelihood that someone who would do that hasn't held on to the money, alas. Personally, I'd be sure to let him know that I was aware of what he'd done, and I'm equally sure it wouldn't change anything. Now, if there were plural commas involved and there was anything substantial left, that would be another consideration.

pudding

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1810 on: July 15, 2019, 10:46:40 AM »
My fathers mother who I never really knew much met a man later in life and got married in her 70's.

He had no relatives and had money, he died before her.

When she died me and my sister went to her funeral and my sister became friendly with a cousin there that we hadn't known up until then. The cousin was my fathers sisters daughter.

Shortly after that funeral I moved to a new country.


About 3 years later my sister told me that she had stayed in touch with this cousin and the cousin had said to her how generous it was of our grandmother to 'give us money before she died'?

My sister asked what money was that as she had not received any.

The cousin replied that grandmother had given money to her adult children and also given money to them to be passed onto their adult children.. her grandchildren (that be me;)

But my father thinking that we wouldn't know about this as we didn't know that side of the family 'kept' the money for himself.

Thereby cheating both his children and his own mothers wish on her deathbed.

Such a lovely man my father is!

That's theft and fraud.   Have him cough up the money or go to jail.  Then have nothing else to do with him because if he'll steal from you like that, you don't need him in your life.


It was about 27 years ago.

Yeah he's nuts!  I've got used to it over the years. And can trust him about as far as I can throw him, I think he's got some mental problems so I just learned to live with it.
He's done all kinds of wacky things over the years, it's like having a kind of abusive parent.... it's not sexual abuse, or particularly physical... it's more like he'd steal your inheritance, steal your girlfriend or wife, steal your child's affections by sh2t disturbing and gossiping behind your back.  Make your achievements look small and insignificant, and be quietly happy when you fail.

Alfred J Quack

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1811 on: July 15, 2019, 01:32:01 PM »

That's theft and fraud.   Have him cough up the money or go to jail.  Then have nothing else to do with him because if he'll steal from you like that, you don't need him in your life.
To be fair, my grandfather passed a few years ago and bequethed both me and my children. The will stated that it was to be released to them at their 16th birthday but my father and his siblings opted to pay out the sum so that the inheritance could be wrapped up.

This meant I received my son's money on his behalf (my other son wasn't even born yet) with the understanding that I would release it at his 16th birthday. Although I have every intention to do so, if something were top happen to me beforehand it is likely that this will not be executed as my grandfather had wished. (there will be far lager sums for their inheritance though).

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1812 on: July 16, 2019, 07:44:49 AM »
In their minds, DH and I will make off with all their money. DHís mom told him over 10 years ago that I was with him just so I could take all his money and then divorce him...because Iím a visible minority and not from the same culture as DH, so obviously Iím poor. She stopped saying that when I drove up in my parentsí Acura to visit once, because my own dinky Toyota was in the shop. But his parents still worry that I will steal all the money, because Iím not ďfamilyĒ so I canít be trusted. And DH canít be trusted because he listens to me.

Isn't it interesting how much difference a CAR/SUV/pickup makes to some people. You drive a gas sipper and everyone makes one set of assumptions. You buy or borrow a nicer vehicle and now everything is different... Throw in certain brands - even used - and people assume you've either won the lottery or up to your nose in debt. People can be so weird.

DadJokes

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1813 on: July 16, 2019, 07:55:36 AM »
In their minds, DH and I will make off with all their money. DHís mom told him over 10 years ago that I was with him just so I could take all his money and then divorce him...because Iím a visible minority and not from the same culture as DH, so obviously Iím poor. She stopped saying that when I drove up in my parentsí Acura to visit once, because my own dinky Toyota was in the shop. But his parents still worry that I will steal all the money, because Iím not ďfamilyĒ so I canít be trusted. And DH canít be trusted because he listens to me.

Isn't it interesting how much difference a CAR/SUV/pickup makes to some people. You drive a gas sipper and everyone makes one set of assumptions. You buy or borrow a nicer vehicle and now everything is different... Throw in certain brands - even used - and people assume you've either won the lottery or up to your nose in debt. People can be so weird.

I once was present during a conversation in which a person talked about removing all of the brand logos from his vehicle because of some stigma attached to that brand. He seemed to think that removing all of the logos also made the car worth more.

I'm pretty sure the brand was Kia.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1814 on: July 16, 2019, 08:33:36 AM »
Hyundai and Kia both have some many different models (not a bad thing) that without their branding it could be hard to ID what the vehicle was.

Yeah, Kia was the cheapest of cheap at one time (Kia Sephia, Kia Spectra). These days they are okay in my book b/c I know Hyundai is involved in their design and manufacture.

All cars sold in the USA are pretty good in 2019. Aren't we lucky?

Not There Yet

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1815 on: July 16, 2019, 09:52:35 AM »
My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1816 on: July 16, 2019, 09:59:48 AM »
In their minds, DH and I will make off with all their money. DHís mom told him over 10 years ago that I was with him just so I could take all his money and then divorce him...because Iím a visible minority and not from the same culture as DH, so obviously Iím poor. She stopped saying that when I drove up in my parentsí Acura to visit once, because my own dinky Toyota was in the shop. But his parents still worry that I will steal all the money, because Iím not ďfamilyĒ so I canít be trusted. And DH canít be trusted because he listens to me.

Isn't it interesting how much difference a CAR/SUV/pickup makes to some people. You drive a gas sipper and everyone makes one set of assumptions. You buy or borrow a nicer vehicle and now everything is different... Throw in certain brands - even used - and people assume you've either won the lottery or up to your nose in debt. People can be so weird.
It's the cumulative effect of being bombarded with advertising.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1817 on: July 16, 2019, 10:38:29 AM »
My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.
The fact that I, as a lifelong Toyota/Honda driver, would seriously consider a Hyundai for my next car, speaks volumes about the progress they've made in terms of quality.

Dave1442397

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1818 on: July 16, 2019, 11:15:35 AM »
My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.
The fact that I, as a lifelong Toyota/Honda driver, would seriously consider a Hyundai for my next car, speaks volumes about the progress they've made in terms of quality.

Me too. I love the Hyundai G90, and it's been depreciating like a rock.

Villanelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1819 on: July 16, 2019, 11:19:01 AM »
My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.
The fact that I, as a lifelong Toyota/Honda driver, would seriously consider a Hyundai for my next car, speaks volumes about the progress they've made in terms of quality.

Yes.  In the very early 90s, my sister turned 16 and my parents bought her a car.  It was an early Hyundai and it seems like almost a plastic toy. 

We recently bought a new to us car--a 2016 Tucson.  That this is the same make as the little toy my sister drove around is almost impossible to believe!

pachnik

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1820 on: July 16, 2019, 01:28:27 PM »
My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.
The fact that I, as a lifelong Toyota/Honda driver, would seriously consider a Hyundai for my next car, speaks volumes about the progress they've made in terms of quality.

+1 - I wouldn't hesitate to buy a Hyundai either. 

Candace

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1821 on: July 16, 2019, 01:35:37 PM »
I went from a Toyota Camry (20 years old) to lightly used Hyundai Sonata. Works for me.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1822 on: July 16, 2019, 01:43:32 PM »
I've owned two of the early Hyundai plastic toys. Both were dirt cheap to buy and maintain. Both were very neglected, very dirty and needed a little TLC when I bought them but they always did their job once the maintenance was done and they were cleaned.

I've rented newer Hyundais. Yes, they too are on my "approved list". I've never seen the Hyundai G90 before. Nice looking sedan!
« Last Edit: July 16, 2019, 03:31:52 PM by Just Joe »

Alfred J Quack

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1823 on: July 16, 2019, 01:45:21 PM »
My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.
The fact that I, as a lifelong Toyota/Honda driver, would seriously consider a Hyundai for my next car, speaks volumes about the progress they've made in terms of quality.

+1 - I wouldn't hesitate to buy a Hyundai either.
Hyundai i30 owner since 2015 here, 7 years old now. Great car for its pricetag and no major faults so far other than the ebrake sticking because it was parked too long for too often ;)

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1824 on: July 16, 2019, 04:05:50 PM »
My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.
The fact that I, as a lifelong Toyota/Honda driver, would seriously consider a Hyundai for my next car, speaks volumes about the progress they've made in terms of quality.

+1 - I wouldn't hesitate to buy a Hyundai either.
Hyundai i30 owner since 2015 here, 7 years old now. Great car for its pricetag and no major faults so far other than the ebrake sticking because it was parked too long for too often ;)
At first I was like "hey, that math doesn't add up."  But then the mustachian side of my brain kicked in and realized you bought it used :P

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1825 on: July 16, 2019, 04:21:43 PM »
My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.
The fact that I, as a lifelong Toyota/Honda driver, would seriously consider a Hyundai for my next car, speaks volumes about the progress they've made in terms of quality.

+1 - I wouldn't hesitate to buy a Hyundai either.
Hyundai i30 owner since 2015 here, 7 years old now. Great car for its pricetag and no major faults so far other than the ebrake sticking because it was parked too long for too often ;)
At first I was like "hey, that math doesn't add up."  But then the mustachian side of my brain kicked in and realized you bought it used :P
Lol, me too!

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1826 on: July 16, 2019, 04:22:45 PM »
My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.
The fact that I, as a lifelong Toyota/Honda driver, would seriously consider a Hyundai for my next car, speaks volumes about the progress they've made in terms of quality.

Me too. I love the Hyundai G90, and it's been depreciating like a rock.
Why is that, do you think?

Finallyunderstand

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1827 on: July 17, 2019, 11:05:00 AM »
My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.
The fact that I, as a lifelong Toyota/Honda driver, would seriously consider a Hyundai for my next car, speaks volumes about the progress they've made in terms of quality.

+1 - I wouldn't hesitate to buy a Hyundai either.
Hyundai i30 owner since 2015 here, 7 years old now. Great car for its pricetag and no major faults so far other than the ebrake sticking because it was parked too long for too often ;)
At first I was like "hey, that math doesn't add up."  But then the mustachian side of my brain kicked in and realized you bought it used :P
Lol, me too!

same

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1828 on: July 18, 2019, 11:17:21 AM »
A guy I know got a car from his father. When the father died, he offered the Blue Book on the remaining vehicle so his mother could have the cash. She opted to give it to her daughter.

Other sibling freaks out about how brother and sister are getting early inheritance, and that he wants it calculated into the final numbers when mom dies.

He was telling this to his living mother - that he was counting her money so she didn't cheat him more than she already had.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1829 on: July 29, 2019, 08:53:18 AM »
Not drama, but something new on my end. Was at my mother's and she was saying how my brother and I are so sentimental, but that my sister is not. She said it like 'isn't that funny?' because we're boys.

This came up because I was talking about the rocking chair I was sitting in, and how much I've always liked it - it's about 45 years old.

What I didn't say back to mom is "not only is she unsentimental, but also extremely blessed by having both sets of wedding bands, and other diamond jewelry." I know this because a daughter of mine is of age to marry, and I wanted to see if I could buy or have a set. Through a very long lunch, I found out that it was not available, but also not to be discussed.

bluebelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1830 on: July 29, 2019, 02:43:28 PM »
Not drama, but something new on my end. Was at my mother's and she was saying how my brother and I are so sentimental, but that my sister is not. She said it like 'isn't that funny?' because we're boys.

This came up because I was talking about the rocking chair I was sitting in, and how much I've always liked it - it's about 45 years old.

What I didn't say back to mom is "not only is she unsentimental, but also extremely blessed by having both sets of wedding bands, and other diamond jewelry." I know this because a daughter of mine is of age to marry, and I wanted to see if I could buy or have a set. Through a very long lunch, I found out that it was not available, but also not to be discussed.
that's sad that your mother thinks men can't be sentimental.  I think my brother is more sentimental about things than I am.  He got all of Dad's tools and jewelry, I'm to get mom's rings, but if really wanted them, I'd give them to him.....I'm very sentimental about memories, but not so much about the things the memories are attached to.   I have more of my mother's "stuff" than I want, but only because it was important to her to give it too me.   If my brother expressed an interest,  I think I'd gladly give things to him.   Just like I think he'd give me some of the stuff that was dad's within reason (he wears dad's ring daily, I'd never ask for that)

But I know I'm fortunate that we won't have drama.   The stories I hear on this thread sadden me about the greed of some folk's relatives.

K-ice

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1831 on: July 30, 2019, 02:00:50 AM »
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/victory-for-b-c-sisters-whose-parents-willed-them-tiny-share-of-9m-estate-1.5218792

Interesting case. 4 sisters get a more equitable distribution of their parents will. Apparently BC is unusual to even allow " ... judges wide leeway to make drastic changes to a will to make sure there's a "just and equitable" distribution to someone's surviving spouse and children."

TVRodriguez

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1832 on: July 30, 2019, 10:17:42 AM »
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/victory-for-b-c-sisters-whose-parents-willed-them-tiny-share-of-9m-estate-1.5218792

Interesting case. 4 sisters get a more equitable distribution of their parents will. Apparently BC is unusual to even allow " ... judges wide leeway to make drastic changes to a will to make sure there's a "just and equitable" distribution to someone's surviving spouse and children."

Hmm, not sure how I feel about that.  I'm a strong believer in the testator's right to decide how much to leave to whom.  For the state to step in...I don't know.  What if the parents had left it all to charity?  They could have done that.  Don't get me wrong--I don't like how the parents handled anything (including child-raising as well as estate planning), but no one forced the daughters to stick around for that abuse once they were adults.  I don't like the precedent it sets.

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1833 on: July 30, 2019, 03:00:15 PM »
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/victory-for-b-c-sisters-whose-parents-willed-them-tiny-share-of-9m-estate-1.5218792

Interesting case. 4 sisters get a more equitable distribution of their parents will. Apparently BC is unusual to even allow " ... judges wide leeway to make drastic changes to a will to make sure there's a "just and equitable" distribution to someone's surviving spouse and children."

I think that is very interesting. Not to the same degree but I had a similar upbringing. Sometimes "tradition" is messed up. If it bothers you that the inheritance was changed by a judge, reframe it as the judge rectifying years and decades of unpaid or underpaid family labor on the part of the daughters.
« Last Edit: July 30, 2019, 03:11:03 PM by partgypsy »

Fi(re) on the Farm

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1834 on: July 30, 2019, 06:02:08 PM »
We have a mentally handicapped daughter (Down syndrome) who can't provide for herself thru no fault of her own.  We also have a son who is perfectly capable of taking care of himself and his family.

We made it very clear ages ago that our priority #1 was to make sure our daughter would be well provided for.   He's a good son and brother and that makes perfect sense to him.

It's really only been the last 5 years that we realized that there is a good chance there will be enough for her and a very sizeable portion left over for him.  We're in the process of setting up our wills.   She'll get a set dollar amount or 50%, whichever is greater.  He'll get the rest.  If our portfolio grew nicely and medical bills didn't eat it up, that will be a lot of money. If not, he might get nothing.  Her portion will go into a trust.  She won't own the trust, she'll own a life interest in the income it provides.  When she dies the money will revert to our son or his descendants.   

I think the reason for the unequal distribution is very different than just taking care of people because they are too damn lazy to do so for themselves, or too damn spoiled to live within their means.

It just doesn't make a lot of sense to reinforce failure instead of success.  But, then again, doing that for many years is how you get overaged children in the first place, I guess.

This is basically our situation, my son is married to someone who inherited a lot of money but we've split our estate equally, half to him, half to her trust. They may not stay married forever so I don't want to write him out. However, my wonderful, exceptional granddaughter gets nothing from us because she's got more in her college fund than I have in the bank. Any remaining funds in my daughter's trust go to our nieces. It won't be much but it may give them a bit of a cushion.

Fi(re) on the Farm

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1835 on: July 30, 2019, 06:44:11 PM »
My fathers mother who I never really knew much met a man later in life and got married in her 70's.

He had no relatives and had money, he died before her.

When she died me and my sister went to her funeral and my sister became friendly with a cousin there that we hadn't known up until then. The cousin was my fathers sisters daughter.

Shortly after that funeral I moved to a new country.


About 3 years later my sister told me that she had stayed in touch with this cousin and the cousin had said to her how generous it was of our grandmother to 'give us money before she died'?

My sister asked what money was that as she had not received any.

The cousin replied that grandmother had given money to her adult children and also given money to them to be passed onto their adult children.. her grandchildren (that be me;)

But my father thinking that we wouldn't know about this as we didn't know that side of the family 'kept' the money for himself.

Thereby cheating both his children and his own mothers wish on her deathbed.

Such a lovely man my father is!

That's theft and fraud.   Have him cough up the money or go to jail.  Then have nothing else to do with him because if he'll steal from you like that, you don't need him in your life.


It was about 27 years ago.

Yeah he's nuts!  I've got used to it over the years. And can trust him about as far as I can throw him, I think he's got some mental problems so I just learned to live with it.
He's done all kinds of wacky things over the years, it's like having a kind of abusive parent.... it's not sexual abuse, or particularly physical... it's more like he'd steal your inheritance, steal your girlfriend or wife, steal your child's affections by sh2t disturbing and gossiping behind your back.  Make your achievements look small and insignificant, and be quietly happy when you fail.

Oh Pudding, I feel your pain. No relationship with my dad at all. My oma (grandma) died 30 years ago and after she died my dad sent me a check for $500. He was pretty insulted when I didn't send him a thank you note. However, I know that he took all of my oma's money when she sold her house and that she scrimped and saved from her social security to give each of her granddaughter $1000 in a CD. Somehow he got his hands on the money (probably with her power of attorney because he wasn't on any of the CDs) and cashed them out. I think the only reason he gave us half is because my mom (his exwife who took care of Oma's money) knew about the CDs and would have pitched a fit if we'd gotten nothing.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1836 on: August 01, 2019, 12:57:15 PM »
Not drama, but something new on my end. Was at my mother's and she was saying how my brother and I are so sentimental, but that my sister is not. She said it like 'isn't that funny?' because we're boys.

This came up because I was talking about the rocking chair I was sitting in, and how much I've always liked it - it's about 45 years old.

What I didn't say back to mom is "not only is she unsentimental, but also extremely blessed by having both sets of wedding bands, and other diamond jewelry." I know this because a daughter of mine is of age to marry, and I wanted to see if I could buy or have a set. Through a very long lunch, I found out that it was not available, but also not to be discussed.
that's sad that your mother thinks men can't be sentimental.  I think my brother is more sentimental about things than I am.  He got all of Dad's tools and jewelry, I'm to get mom's rings, but if really wanted them, I'd give them to him.....I'm very sentimental about memories, but not so much about the things the memories are attached to.   I have more of my mother's "stuff" than I want, but only because it was important to her to give it too me.   If my brother expressed an interest,  I think I'd gladly give things to him.   Just like I think he'd give me some of the stuff that was dad's within reason (he wears dad's ring daily, I'd never ask for that)

But I know I'm fortunate that we won't have drama.   The stories I hear on this thread sadden me about the greed of some folk's relatives.

Honestly, it's probably her way of convincing herself it's all fair in its own way. My sister had 7 years of college paid for while my brother had 4 (he went for 7). She's had childcare from mom since her kids were born. For the year mom watched my kids, I paid her because she was a widow, and could have been earning money otherwise.

Sometimes I wonder if my mom hates me, but I don't think that's the case. She just favors my sister because she's the only girl, and my sister is shameless about getting things, like wedding band sets and other jewelry. If cash was up for grabs, she'd be cool with that, too, but I don't foresee her trying to get a tea kettle or the Christmas decorations from our childhood.

talltexan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1837 on: August 02, 2019, 09:34:02 AM »
I was chewing my wife's ear yesterday about chipping in to pay for some expenses for our kids, when we don't know whether her brother is paying for the same for his kids (my MiL is taking them all to the same activities).

Based on what I'm reading here, I really ought to just shut up. $30-$60 of difference is not worth complaining.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1838 on: August 02, 2019, 11:20:27 AM »
I was chewing my wife's ear yesterday about chipping in to pay for some expenses for our kids, when we don't know whether her brother is paying for the same for his kids (my MiL is taking them all to the same activities).

Based on what I'm reading here, I really ought to just shut up. $30-$60 of difference is not worth complaining.

It's all relative. I mean, just because you have clean water at home (a luxury), but are such a baller you filter it, doesn't mean you can't take issue with how slow the Brita is working.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1839 on: August 02, 2019, 01:27:45 PM »
Sometimes I wonder if my mom hates me, but I don't think that's the case. She just favors my sister because she's the only girl, and my sister is shameless about getting things, like wedding band sets and other jewelry. If cash was up for grabs, she'd be cool with that, too, but I don't foresee her trying to get a tea kettle or the Christmas decorations from our childhood.

That happens. Apparently not uncommon according to stories here. I came from a situation with similarities too. Hang in there...

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1840 on: August 14, 2019, 11:46:20 AM »
My grandmother is now 90 and she sold her home. Since she doesn't need the money it was arranged through her CPA to just split the dough between her 2 daughters, who she lives with.

I'm so happy that this is happening because both women are recent widows and could make wonderful use of the money while taking care of grandma.

COMING DRAMA: She will die, or so I've heard, and when she does there will be a little bit more money, I hope, for her daughters, but in the group is a ne'er do well cousin who smokes a lot of drugs and doesn't have much of a life. When her father died, she asked if sh could "have dad's social security." I imagine she anticipates granny, who retired at 55, must have some cash, but she doesn't. It was already distributed.

dandarc

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1841 on: August 15, 2019, 09:53:41 AM »
My grandmother is now 90 and she sold her home. Since she doesn't need the money it was arranged through her CPA to just split the dough between her 2 daughters, who she lives with.

I'm so happy that this is happening because both women are recent widows and could make wonderful use of the money while taking care of grandma.

COMING DRAMA: She will die, or so I've heard, and when she does there will be a little bit more money, I hope, for her daughters, but in the group is a ne'er do well cousin who smokes a lot of drugs and doesn't have much of a life. When her father died, she asked if sh could "have dad's social security." I imagine she anticipates granny, who retired at 55, must have some cash, but she doesn't. It was already distributed.
Sounds like Granny made a smart move there.

bluebelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1842 on: August 15, 2019, 10:02:20 AM »

COMING DRAMA: She will die, or so I've heard, and when she does there will be a little bit more money, I hope, for her daughters, but in the group is a ne'er do well cousin who smokes a lot of drugs and doesn't have much of a life. When her father died, she asked if sh could "have dad's social security." I imagine she anticipates granny, who retired at 55, must have some cash, but she doesn't. It was already distributed.
so your grandmother lives with your mother and your aunt?  Did I get the family order correct?  Won't your cousin just pester her mother (your aunt), and potentially decide to move-in once granny is gone (cuz, hey, there will be a room available)?   I see the potential for alot of drama

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1843 on: August 15, 2019, 02:28:18 PM »
I heard a very sad story today :( In my family there's a very nasty spiteful widow with two kids. Both are childless, one recently got divorced after a long unhappy marriage to another nasty spiteful woman. They sold their house and he moved into his own place and reconnected with a girl he knew from school 30 years ago. She's by now a divorced mother and therefore a harlot (literal words). His family refuse to even meet her but the talk of the village is that she's only with him because he's loaded. The very first thing the mother did after he told her about his new girlfriend was to change her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

He sold a house and bought a new place, he's comfortable but hardly wealthy. They don't live together and the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too so there's no reason to believe she's interested in the money. The future inheritance is a paid off average family home and the guy isn't particularly nice or goodlooking or anything, let's just say that he's the wrong person if you're after a meal ticket, but I feel sorry for him that his own mother doesn't trust his judgement, so much that she's writing him out of her will because of someone she's never even met.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1844 on: August 15, 2019, 02:36:31 PM »

COMING DRAMA: She will die, or so I've heard, and when she does there will be a little bit more money, I hope, for her daughters, but in the group is a ne'er do well cousin who smokes a lot of drugs and doesn't have much of a life. When her father died, she asked if sh could "have dad's social security." I imagine she anticipates granny, who retired at 55, must have some cash, but she doesn't. It was already distributed.
so your grandmother lives with your mother and your aunt?  Did I get the family order correct?  Won't your cousin just pester her mother (your aunt), and potentially decide to move-in once granny is gone (cuz, hey, there will be a room available)?   I see the potential for alot of drama

Grandma lives half the year with my mom and half the year with my aunt, and since this began 15 months ago has really enjoyed it.

Cousin lives with my aunt right now. Sometimes she has her own place, and other times she does something dumb like move back to her mom's while also getting a Great Dane. On the bright side, the Great Dane loves my grandmother.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1845 on: August 15, 2019, 02:40:20 PM »
...........the mother change[d] her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

....................the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too..........

Classic harlot behavior; buying a home and establishing a career to trick everyone. Then, when they least expect it, she robs her not-rich, five-on-a-ten-point-scale boyfriend by loving him forever and having him chip in for half the stuff.

Happens every day.

bluebelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1846 on: August 15, 2019, 02:59:53 PM »
...........the mother change[d] her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

....................the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too..........

Classic harlot behavior; buying a home and establishing a career to trick everyone. Then, when they least expect it, she robs her not-rich, five-on-a-ten-point-scale boyfriend by loving him forever and having him chip in for half the stuff.

Happens every day.
Hah....21 years ago, when I first started dating my husband, when his mother met me, she told him I looked like a gold digger.....to this day, I don't know where this gold is that she was worried about.....he came into the marriage with his half of the house down payment and nothing else and I've always made a little more than double his salary.....BUT he was smart enough to let me manage the money....which is the reason he gets to retire next year, which is much better than his plan of 'work until I die'.....she came to love me.....I had a freezer and got him packing his lunch.....

Chris Pascale

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1847 on: August 15, 2019, 10:15:52 PM »
...........the mother change[d] her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

....................the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too..........

Classic harlot behavior; buying a home and establishing a career to trick everyone. Then, when they least expect it, she robs her not-rich, five-on-a-ten-point-scale boyfriend by loving him forever and having him chip in for half the stuff.

Happens every day.
Hah....21 years ago, when I first started dating my husband, when his mother met me, she told him I looked like a gold digger.....to this day, I don't know where this gold is that she was worried about.....he came into the marriage with his half of the house down payment and nothing else and I've always made a little more than double his salary.....BUT he was smart enough to let me manage the money....which is the reason he gets to retire next year, which is much better than his plan of 'work until I die'.....she came to love me.....I had a freezer and got him packing his lunch.....

"looks like a gold digger"? Geez, that's terrible.

Your MIL must have been so insecure. Glad you get along.

Alfred J Quack

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1848 on: August 16, 2019, 03:28:51 AM »
...........the mother change[d] her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

....................the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too..........

Classic harlot behavior; buying a home and establishing a career to trick everyone. Then, when they least expect it, she robs her not-rich, five-on-a-ten-point-scale boyfriend by loving him forever and having him chip in for half the stuff.

Happens every day.
Hah....21 years ago, when I first started dating my husband, when his mother met me, she told him I looked like a gold digger.....to this day, I don't know where this gold is that she was worried about.....he came into the marriage with his half of the house down payment and nothing else and I've always made a little more than double his salary.....BUT he was smart enough to let me manage the money....which is the reason he gets to retire next year, which is much better than his plan of 'work until I die'.....she came to love me.....I had a freezer and got him packing his lunch.....

"looks like a gold digger"? Geez, that's terrible.

Your MIL must have been so insecure. Glad you get along.
To be fair, gold digging is hard work with lots of risk.  /jk

But it is nice to read that it all came right in the end.

talltexan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1849 on: August 16, 2019, 06:59:07 AM »
...........the mother change[d] her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

....................the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too..........

Classic harlot behavior; buying a home and establishing a career to trick everyone. Then, when they least expect it, she robs her not-rich, five-on-a-ten-point-scale boyfriend by loving him forever and having him chip in for half the stuff.

Happens every day.
Hah....21 years ago, when I first started dating my husband, when his mother met me, she told him I looked like a gold digger.....to this day, I don't know where this gold is that she was worried about.....he came into the marriage with his half of the house down payment and nothing else and I've always made a little more than double his salary.....BUT he was smart enough to let me manage the money....which is the reason he gets to retire next year, which is much better than his plan of 'work until I die'.....she came to love me.....I had a freezer and got him packing his lunch.....

could this possibly mean she thought you were too beautiful to be married to her son?