Author Topic: Getting ATTACKED on social media  (Read 8665 times)

Warlord1986

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1087
  • Age: 32
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #50 on: July 17, 2018, 06:32:05 AM »
Being a problem solver in a time a crisis only gets awarded in a business type environment... If people are late on their rent or electric and you don't offer pity but try and help by finding the ROOT CAUSE... you will not get rewarded positively.

I could not possibly disagree with you more.

Also, you are here complaining about not getting the results you want from your own approach and making excuses for why it’s not working and blaming other people for why they weren’t pursuaded by your argument.

You would rather conclude that being a problem solver is only rewarded in business than self-reflect on how problem solving and pursuasivemess require different approaches in a non business environment, and require especially different approaches on social media.

You seem to have come here asking for pity about being attacked on social media and for agreement about it being your audience’s fault for not receiving your message well, and don’t seem too keen on figuring out the ROOT CAUSE of the failure of your approach.

You can cite examples of terrible people all you want, but that won’t chane the fact that you got backlash on social media because you failed to understand your audience and failed to craft a critical comment in a way that was likely to result in a restive response.

If the purpose of your comment was to express your disdain and judgement for people and the behaviours that you look down on them for, then CONGRATS! You succeeded!

If you actually wanted your ideas to be received positively, then you picked the exact wrong tactic and blaming your audience for the outcome makes you very similar to your audience.
You see that, right?

This is the smartest comment in this whole thread. And I'm pretty sure the OP really just wanted an excuse to shit on people.

gpyros85

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 153
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #51 on: July 17, 2018, 08:16:35 AM »
@gpyros85 I feel your pain.

I'm an external processor, so I really prefer to speak my ideas out loud. The whole financial independence thing really excites me, and proper money management has been a huge passion of mine for a long time, so I often try to speak out on fb.

I think the dislike started when I wrote about how I was excited for a family member buying a house but only because that person is good with money and that sometimes buying a house is a bad decision. This was somehow read as "people who buy houses are idiots". Not what I said, I don't have any idea how that message came across, but sometimes you just have to underestimate people's maturity on social media. I also wrote a lot about minimalism, and several friends got to thinking, specifically contrary to what I had said, that I thought all expensive purchases were bad purchases. Why, just...why can't people get it right?

Some friends have benefited from what I say, but mostly those with disposable income. One friend told me it was encouraging to see me work toward my goals since he knows that if he doesn't the money washes away, so he has been encouraged to be more intentional about his spending. Awesome! Mostly the stealth-wealth crowd get a lot from the information but of course they don't typically respond on social media, so it may be easy to feel you are alone.

I've switched my tactics. I post things about the advantages of starting your 401k, how a higher savings rate than normal (I only use lower numbers to entice) can make a huge difference in your ability to survive a layoff, etc. THIS seems to be working much better, draws no hate, and gets more likes (for whatever that is worth). Sometimes I do want to go MMM on some people's asses, but people hate being shamed just as much as they love shaming shamers. Make the information valuable to them, keep your judgements to yourself. And there's nothing wrong with believing people make piss poor decisions, you just have to be clever about convincing them to change and do have to genuinely hope things go well for them.

Of course. Realistically, it's because reading something negative about expensive purchases triggers them because it hits a nerve. So they feel compelled to rationalize, or even justify their own behavior, and it comes from aggressively reacting to commentary they perceive as negative, even if that isn't the main point in your posts.

People seem to always want that "at least you tried" pat on the back in life. How I learned was, you get that when you earn it, you don't get that to massage your ego. I don't believe in "we'll get 'em next time" - I believe in learning the lessons from not getting 'em this time, getting 'em next time, and then saying "we learned from our mistakes, now what could we have done better?" The need for validation, even for poor choices, is a psychological aspect to most people that I guess I will never understand. Better to be facepunched by a friend and change than facepunched by life itself.


People would rather complain and cry about their misery and also have people join them when they are feeling this way. Being a problem solver in a time a crisis only gets awarded in a business type environment... If people are late on their rent or electric and you don't offer pity but try and help by finding the ROOT CAUSE... you will not get rewarded positively.

Bolded by me.

Misery loves company. And company loves more. Damn fools think group therapy will resolve this.
Being a problem solver in a business environment has got me in trouble too many times in the last 14 years.
Being a landlord and offering to resolve a rent issue has got me in trouble but the law is on my side in my state.
Humans are an ungrateful species. Social media brings out the worst of them. No one stops to think what they're writing (e.g. Elon Musk's pedo comment).
The solution is to get away from social media, stop ads for junk you don't need coming into your electronic devices, and do positive things for your health.
And HTFU. Don't sweat the small stuff.


Unfortunately, you I are right, also it was surprising to see that Elon Musk got caught up in it also. It’s a reason why large CEOs don’t publicly speak out opinions and only are trained to speak facts. It is a slippery slope. Look what just happened to Pappa Johns CEO, nobody even really heard the original speech but it got twisted against him. The larger your voice the more you will bring out both sides of the opinion.

Dabnasty

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1156
  • Age: 29
  • Location: North Carolina
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #52 on: July 17, 2018, 08:18:16 AM »
Wow. I can't believe how much we're hating on the OP.

Was their post to facebook lacking in tact? Sure. Was it ineffective in it's purpose? Probably. But I really didn't see it as being overly judgmental or "shitting" on others. When I read comments where people are making good money and complaining about how unfair it is, your damn right I want to tell them off. They're lucky to be where they are in life and to those who aren't so lucky, that complaining is offensive.That's not shitting on someone, that's honesty. I don't do it obviously, because facebook isn't the place for it.

gpyros85

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 153
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #53 on: July 17, 2018, 08:22:50 AM »
Being a problem solver in a time a crisis only gets awarded in a business type environment... If people are late on their rent or electric and you don't offer pity but try and help by finding the ROOT CAUSE... you will not get rewarded positively.

I could not possibly disagree with you more.

Also, you are here complaining about not getting the results you want from your own approach and making excuses for why it’s not working and blaming other people for why they weren’t pursuaded by your argument.

You would rather conclude that being a problem solver is only rewarded in business than self-reflect on how problem solving and pursuasivemess require different approaches in a non business environment, and require especially different approaches on social media.

You seem to have come here asking for pity about being attacked on social media and for agreement about it being your audience’s fault for not receiving your message well, and don’t seem too keen on figuring out the ROOT CAUSE of the failure of your approach.

You can cite examples of terrible people all you want, but that won’t chane the fact that you got backlash on social media because you failed to understand your audience and failed to craft a critical comment in a way that was likely to result in a restive response.

If the purpose of your comment was to express your disdain and judgement for people and the behaviours that you look down on them for, then CONGRATS! You succeeded!

If you actually wanted your ideas to be received positively, then you picked the exact wrong tactic and blaming your audience for the outcome makes you very similar to your audience.
You see that, right?

I am getting a lesson in Public Relations and learning there is no win win situation when it comes to public opinion..


Also, I never looked “down” on people, I was offering help and advice. Only time I thought negatively of somebody was when they are knowledgeable abusing the law.

I was trying to prompote better spending and savings habits on people in the main stream media. It did not work. The root cause as I am learning is that there is to many opinions and views to publicly speak. Which is why you don’t see a lot of CEOs talk about public beliefs and opinions and the large ones that do (Chick Fil A, Hobby Lobby) have negative opinions about them, some of it is business model so they turn the negative into a positive.

The point is, it is difficult waters to navigate when dealing with public opinion. Most of the time better to say nothing and avoid trouble.

gpyros85

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 153
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #54 on: July 17, 2018, 08:30:39 AM »
Wow. I can't believe how much we're hating on the OP.

Was their post to facebook lacking in tact? Sure. Was it ineffective in it's purpose? Probably. But I really didn't see it as being overly judgmental or "shitting" on others. When I read comments where people are making good money and complaining about how unfair it is, your damn right I want to tell them off. They're lucky to be where they are in life and to those who aren't so lucky, that complaining is offensive.That's not shitting on someone, that's honesty. I don't do it obviously, because facebook isn't the place for it.


Thanks, you are correct, was trying to spread a message of, “quit your complaining” and enjoy your life, it can be A LOT worse. (Worse than most people can even dream off)


I read every blog on the Mustacian form and this “face slap” talk is exactly it..  I guess this is why I fell in love with this blog so much because I do relate.. we have a lot of complainy pants surrounding us.. it is part of the reason why the US ranks highly in wealth but low in full happiness...


However, just like the blog, it is outcast talk... it is a different way of life... I tested the waters to help shine the light and give a path to the main stream.. a lot of them simply don’t want it..

thesis

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 55
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #55 on: July 17, 2018, 09:19:57 AM »
I like facepunches. I seem to respond better to cold hard truths than I do soft-spoken suggestions. Or at least I say I do when I'm searching for it myself ;)

I mean, there are plenty of criticisms of this board itself, the Antimustachian Wall of Shame. Some say it's just looking down on others to feel better about oneself. I can see this as being true at times, but there's also a lot of 'stupid' in the world and it's nice getting new perspectives on how to recognize that 'stupid'. Sometimes you do just need a place to vent, too. There really is so much defeatism in our culture.

I've just had to accept the fact that most people do not respond well to hard truths. Some people really are idiots with money, others just never had the proper context to begin thinking about money. I want to be safe space for my friends, so I've changed my tone to one of "here's information that may be helpful you if you are interested". I jump on this forum when I start feeling angry at the world :D

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3629
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #56 on: July 17, 2018, 10:30:46 AM »

Then my wife was giving advice how to save money on baby expenses to some moms, then the subject turned into the government should just pay for it why should I worry... Then it turned into a ranting fest how the government doesn't provide diapers wah wah wah....

Does any country actually do this? I'm especially surprised to hear this coming from Americans, who in my experience tend to regard the government giving people stuff as tantamount to communism.

It's only communism when other people get stuff from the government. When they themselves get stuff from the government it's because they "paid into the system" or some other bullshit.

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2007
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #57 on: July 17, 2018, 12:42:43 PM »
I like facepunches. I seem to respond better to cold hard truths than I do soft-spoken suggestions. Or at least I say I do when I'm searching for it myself ;)

When people are looking for a solution to a specific problem they have, or making a deliberate attempt to improve themselves, I find they are not disposed to be hurt or offended by the direct approach. They are in an emotional state where they're receptive, and they put themselves into that emotional state without my help. A person in that emotional state will *pay* for criticism and feedback (even if it's negative) from people qualified to give it.

What gets people in trouble, in business and elsewhere, is using the direct approach to criticize someone who is not in the emotional state I described above, or who is open to feedback from people qualified to give it. A person who does not believe there is a problem, or who does not agree that the problem is what the critic says it is, or who does not wish to solve the problem because there is a more pressing issue, is not receptive. Substantial amounts of business interaction fall into the "we are not here to solve a problem" category. Most people who show up to work aren't there to solve a problem. They're there to do the minimum necessary to take home a paycheck.

Most people who pride themselves on being "brutally honest" get off more on the "brutal" part than anything else, and they tend to have a stunning inability to dish it out without a corresponding ability to take it. When someone else starts to unload unsolicited face-punches, it feels like being kicked while you're down.

craiglepaige

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1190
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #58 on: July 17, 2018, 01:25:50 PM »
Wow. I can't believe how much we're hating on the OP.

Was their post to facebook lacking in tact? Sure. Was it ineffective in it's purpose? Probably. But I really didn't see it as being overly judgmental or "shitting" on others. When I read comments where people are making good money and complaining about how unfair it is, your damn right I want to tell them off. They're lucky to be where they are in life and to those who aren't so lucky, that complaining is offensive.That's not shitting on someone, that's honesty. I don't do it obviously, because facebook isn't the place for it.


X2

FatCat

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 243
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #59 on: July 17, 2018, 01:27:57 PM »
Facebook is best for sharing funny memes and pics of your family and pets. If you want to put your financial opinions up, a blog would be best. If you want to post some advice to help people buy the same stuff for less money, people generally respond positively to that. If you ask them to do without something or shame them for not being able to make ends meet with what seems to you like an ample money supply, they'll get defensive. Remember, most people like finding deals because it means they can buy more stuff, not because they can actually accumulate more wealth.

thesis

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 55
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #60 on: July 18, 2018, 08:06:46 AM »
I like facepunches. I seem to respond better to cold hard truths than I do soft-spoken suggestions. Or at least I say I do when I'm searching for it myself ;)

When people are looking for a solution to a specific problem they have, or making a deliberate attempt to improve themselves, I find they are not disposed to be hurt or offended by the direct approach. They are in an emotional state where they're receptive, and they put themselves into that emotional state without my help. A person in that emotional state will *pay* for criticism and feedback (even if it's negative) from people qualified to give it.

What gets people in trouble, in business and elsewhere, is using the direct approach to criticize someone who is not in the emotional state I described above, or who is open to feedback from people qualified to give it. A person who does not believe there is a problem, or who does not agree that the problem is what the critic says it is, or who does not wish to solve the problem because there is a more pressing issue, is not receptive. Substantial amounts of business interaction fall into the "we are not here to solve a problem" category. Most people who show up to work aren't there to solve a problem. They're there to do the minimum necessary to take home a paycheck.

Most people who pride themselves on being "brutally honest" get off more on the "brutal" part than anything else, and they tend to have a stunning inability to dish it out without a corresponding ability to take it. When someone else starts to unload unsolicited face-punches, it feels like being kicked while you're down.

+1. That's a good way of putting it

carolina822

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 43
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #61 on: August 07, 2018, 11:25:35 PM »

Then my wife was giving advice how to save money on baby expenses to some moms, then the subject turned into the government should just pay for it why should I worry... Then it turned into a ranting fest how the government doesn't provide diapers wah wah wah....

Does any country actually do this? I'm especially surprised to hear this coming from Americans, who in my experience tend to regard the government giving people stuff as tantamount to communism.



In my experience there are some like you described, but also quite a large number that feels like the government should give them free everything.

...and then vote for the guy that is least likely to deliver anything like that. I'm surrounded by people who in one sentence will complain about those darn socialists and then shortly after talk about how the gov't ought to do things for them...

 I heard there is a large forum of people that think it is moral to have $1M + of investments and have their healthcare subsidized by a hardworking, taxpaying family of 4 earning $50,000 a year.


Everything I am referring to regarding the abuse of welfare is ILLEGAL... However, what you mentioned is LEGAL use of the laws.... Laws are laws, hence one reason why rich always stay ahead of the game, they "follow the law" and completely understand it and use it to their advantage.

It's illegal to not marry your babydaddy that makes 70k a year? Sounds more like "follow the law and use it to their advantage" to me, but hey, they're poor so they can fuck clean off, right?

Paul der Krake

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4303
  • Age: 10
  • Location: USA
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #62 on: August 07, 2018, 11:35:32 PM »
Have you guys heard about Linux? It's this operating system that's superior in every way to Microsoft Windows.

Just Joe

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2090
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #63 on: August 08, 2018, 07:34:55 AM »
Linux! Wahoo!!! - - okay, okay. I'm done cheerleading. Seriously - Linux is a great solution my family has used for about 20 years now. I'd be glad to tutor anyone here that has questions.

Dicey

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8412
  • Age: 60
  • Location: NorCal
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #64 on: August 10, 2018, 10:33:24 AM »
I read every blog on the Mustacian form [sic]...

However, just like the blog, it is outcastlier talk... it is a different way of life... ..
FTFY  - I may be an outlier, but I am no outcast.

OvertheRainbow

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 53
Re: Getting ATTACKED on social media
« Reply #65 on: August 10, 2018, 11:15:06 AM »
Ok, Mr. World Traveler, I'll level with you:

I too have seen extreme poverty, having been to India, China, Morocco, Brazil, Mexico and many other countries with poorer areas. While we are lucky to have a safety net, America is one of the richest countries in the world. We can do so much better. Our healthcare is ridiculous and medical issues are among the top reasons people lose their homes and file for bankruptcy. College is becoming too expensive and many kids are coming out in so much debt that they can't get ahead.

Many other wealthy nations are looking at us and laughing. Laughing at how we boast about being the best nation in the world yet can't give all our citizens basic necessities such as healthcare and access decent and affordable education. To top it off, the American worker isn't even entitled to PTO or paid parental leave.

The average household income is less than 60k gross. If there are any children, that money doesn't go far. Add a kid with special needs or chronic health issues, you could easily be toasted.

And then there is the fact that the playing field in America isn't level. Minorities, women, women of color, older workers, disabled people and other disadvantaged groups have an uphill battle in a workforce riddled with discrimination and office politics, making it harder to get higher paying jobs or jobs with decent benefits.

You come off as very condescending and judgemental. That is why you were ripped to shreds on social media. Not everyone is a complainypants with high incomes and stupid spending habits. Many are struggling to survive and obtain the basics, let alone have enough to save for retirement and other long-term goals.