Author Topic: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?  (Read 67313 times)

Cassie

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4368
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #300 on: November 28, 2017, 02:30:22 PM »
Joe, that is terrible. We downsized and are careful now about what we bring into the house. However, we did it ourselves even though we are older too.  I don't want to leave a bunch of junk for my kids to deal with.  Also it is nice not having so much stuff.

paddedhat

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2238
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #301 on: November 28, 2017, 02:39:23 PM »
Joe, that is terrible. We downsized and are careful now about what we bring into the house. However, we did it ourselves even though we are older too.  I don't want to leave a bunch of junk for my kids to deal with.  Also it is nice not having so much stuff.

The DW and I lost our mothers, three weeks apart. It literally took months, and months of work, whenever the siblings could find the time, to get rid of all the stuff those two had accumulated during their lifetimes. I really think that, as parents, we owe it to our children to not saddle them with dumpsters full of valueless shit, after we are gone. We recently moved into a new home. After 30+ years of marriage, and raising a family, our total accumulation of stuff fit into a single U-haul truck. In the case of the MIL's place, that truck could of been filled three times with nothing but nearly valueless accumulation, much of which ended up in the landfill.

Cassie

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4368
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #302 on: November 28, 2017, 03:13:53 PM »
My Dad became very ill at 59 and my Mom retired. I was a SAHP at the time so we tackled their basement and attic where everything no longer being used went to die:))   WE had a ton of garage sales and then took the rest to Goodwill or gave it to friends. They then moved into an apartment.   AFter my DAd died my Mom got rid of his stuff and when she got terminal cancer she downsized her stuff a lot. She had us look through her photo albums and take what we wanted. Then she walked to the dumpster and threw them in. That was one of the saddest moments for me.   She also planned and paid for her own funeral.   She asked people to sing and wrote her own obituary. Talk about a gift to us 3 kids.

jeromedawg

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2644
  • Location: Orange County, CA
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #303 on: November 29, 2017, 12:58:55 AM »
My wife says the compulsive buying and hoarding likely stems from growing up not having much. I dunno though, she grew up and didn't have much and doesn't hoard or buy crap.... on the other hand, she views her conservative stance on saving money as a means of "hoarding" - I can see this.

With my parents it's just ridiculous. They both have to feel as though they got some sort of "value" out of buying junk. This comes out even in their eating habits - they'll go out to some crappy restaurant like Applebee's and take my nephews their because "it's a good value" and "they give you a lot of food for the price" in addition to "we can only go on certain days because that's when they have a BOGOF deal" --- funny thing is, my wife and son went with them and the nephews this last time around and my wife said her mac and cheese was cold and the chicken was rubbery... not quite sure why they keep going back to the crap food. In the same way, not sure why they can't stop buying crap. Reminds me of the time my mom *bragged* about going to CVS where she cleared off a shelf of junk, which she acknowledged when a store employee was like "wow, you're the only one who I've seen willing to clear all the Easter stuff off the shelves. Thanks!" ("Easter Stuff" likely consisted really awful and unhealthy candies, plastic eggs, stupid cheap Easter-themed toys/trinkets, etc - it was probably 90% off and she justified buying it because she had CVS bucks from all her prior extreme couponing antics). Then she tries to offload all this stuff to me and my brothers and their kids - I'm sure most of it gets tossed, donated, or stored in a room (particularly at my second oldest brother's place, who has hoarding/cleanliness issues himself as we were reminded of during this most recent trip). SMH.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2017, 01:04:48 AM by jeromedawg »

Just Joe

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2090
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #304 on: November 29, 2017, 08:36:17 AM »
We recently went to a restaurant (one of the good ones we are supposed to believe) and it just wasn't a "wow" experience anymore. Typical franchise sit down meal.

Not bad, not great and then my MMM kicked in and I was thinking of how much groceries we could have bought instead with the $50. ;) Its me not them.

We have gotten to a point where I am even cooking some of the time @ home and nobody has died yet. Admittedly my cooking isn't elaborate.

As for the clutter folks I mentioned - if something happened to them and I was in charge I'd open the house to their family, tell everyone take everything they want. And then group haul the rest to Goodwill and never look back. No more of this sorting and trying to decide whether to garage sale it or give it to someone specific or overthinking it.

The person I talked to was saying over the holidays - "I need to get the (grown) kids down here to help me open each box and sort through them..."

Nope, those boxes have been sitting there for 6 months or more. Nobody has needed it so far. Someone needs to bring a van or pickup, open each box and glance inside to make sure there isn't a stack of gold bars inside and then on the vehicle it goes. We'd have the spare room cleared in 15 minutes. No looking back or reconsidering what ought to get saved. Let the next person enjoy those items. But, alas not my circus.

Dang, now I want to run home and clean out something in our house again... ;)

Side-gig possibility: express cleanouts of people's garages and basements. Gone in 1 hour or you don't pay. ;)

paddedhat

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2238
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #305 on: November 29, 2017, 09:03:47 AM »
We recently went to a restaurant (one of the good ones we are supposed to believe) and it just wasn't a "wow" experience anymore. Typical franchise sit down meal.

Not bad, not great and then my MMM kicked in and I was thinking of how much groceries we could have bought instead with the $50. ;) Its me not them.

We have gotten to a point where I am even cooking some of the time @ home and nobody has died yet. Admittedly my cooking isn't elaborate.

As for the clutter folks I mentioned - if something happened to them and I was in charge I'd open the house to their family, tell everyone take everything they want. And then group haul the rest to Goodwill and never look back. No more of this sorting and trying to decide whether to garage sale it or give it to someone specific or overthinking it.

The person I talked to was saying over the holidays - "I need to get the (grown) kids down here to help me open each box and sort through them..."

Nope, those boxes have been sitting there for 6 months or more. Nobody has needed it so far. Someone needs to bring a van or pickup, open each box and glance inside to make sure there isn't a stack of gold bars inside and then on the vehicle it goes. We'd have the spare room cleared in 15 minutes. No looking back or reconsidering what ought to get saved. Let the next person enjoy those items. But, alas not my circus.

Dang, now I want to run home and clean out something in our house again... ;)

Side-gig possibility: express cleanouts of people's garages and basements. Gone in 1 hour or you don't pay. ;)

I honestly hope, if you are faced with this situation, that you enjoy a whole lot of success, as you watch friends and family haul everything off, and leave you with little. Sadly, we did this for both of our moms, mentioned in a recent post, and it was nearly a total failure,  and ended with maybe 5% of the volume of stuff being given to friends and relatives. I believe our experience was typical, and reflects the values of our society, at the moment. It's been discussed here at length, in everything context from "valuable collections" of Hummels and Kincade art, to grandmas' furniture, or rooms full of books,  Bottom line is, sadly, very few of us have any interest in cluttering our own lives with that stuff anymore.

formerlydivorcedmom

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 572
  • Location: Texas
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #306 on: November 29, 2017, 09:15:14 AM »
My mom has done a great job of decluttering her home.  In the process, she tried to give me all kinds of stuff, especially what she had taken from my grandmother's home when GM went to the nursing home.  It was not always pleasant when I refused, and every time mom came to visit she'd bring me a box I'd already said no to.  Most of it is now out of my home.

When GM died last month, my uncle specifically told me that he wanted about a half dozen things that had been in her room.  Sister and I made a special trip back to the home to pack them up for him...and then later he handed the boxes to me and said "these are for you, I knew you'd want to have them."  I was livid.  Those boxes are sitting in my living room; I need to go through them and toss most of it.

Since we're almost out of family stuff, it's getting better.  Unfortunately, my mom, bless her, wants to be absolutely equal to all her grandchildren.  My nephew lives with her, and if she buys him stuff, she feels the need to buy identical/similar stuff for my kids, so we get random packages.  Or, if it's a "boy thing", my son will get something identical and my girls will get something else identical that costs exactly the same amount.  These are usually things my kids don't want...so straight into the Goodwill box they go.

The same pattern repeats on Christmas; there's at least one set of toys that each child gets.  This year, she found an exciting game that "the children will absolutely love!"  It came in different varieties, so she bought 4 copies, one for each kid, in the theme that best suited their interests and personalities.  AND, she expects the kids to bring them all on our planned huge family vacation in 18 months so that we can play them together.  I pointed out that we already have that game in its original variety and rarely play it.  There is no universe in which we need 3 more copies, since we can only play one at a time.  Even if I didn't mind storing 3 copies, I do not want to deal with the bickering over which version we are going to play today. 

Mom was offended and hung up.   I bet my husband $5 there will be a meltdown in 18 months when none of the copies of the game end up on our vacation.

faithless

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 82
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #307 on: November 29, 2017, 01:08:40 PM »
My wife says the compulsive buying and hoarding likely stems from growing up not having much. I dunno though, she grew up and didn't have much and doesn't hoard or buy crap.... on the other hand, she views her conservative stance on saving money as a means of "hoarding" - I can see this.

With my parents it's just ridiculous. They both have to feel as though they got some sort of "value" out of buying junk. This comes out even in their eating habits - they'll go out to some crappy restaurant like Applebee's and take my nephews their because "it's a good value" and "they give you a lot of food for the price" in addition to "we can only go on certain days because that's when they have a BOGOF deal" --- funny thing is, my wife and son went with them and the nephews this last time around and my wife said her mac and cheese was cold and the chicken was rubbery... not quite sure why they keep going back to the crap food. In the same way, not sure why they can't stop buying crap.

I hadn't twigged the connection between hoarding and 'value for money' eating out. My retired, 70 y/o parents have started going to a Wetherspoons once a week. They started going out once a week when they retired, and used to go to nicer, but not expensive places.
Wetherspoons' food is crap but it's cheap and there's lots of it so they feel they are getting a deal. They grew up poor but are well off in retirement having worked hard.

Goldielocks

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5576
  • Location: BC
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #308 on: November 29, 2017, 01:28:19 PM »
HMM...  MIL is definitely not a hoarder, but does like nice dishware / serveware.   She just dropped off boxes of items that I can use for an open house party in a couple of weeks.  There is a lot of stuff!  She retired to their second home outside of town (which is a 3 hr trek to get to, including a ferry), about 10 years ago, then proceeded to buy a lot of small appliances, a set of 24 matching dishes and serveware (x2 for large / small plates), 3x packages of eating utensils, etc.   She has only had more than 8 people total to eat at their new place maybe once in 10 years.  IDK.  At least she donated all her old stuff as she bought new, but man, it seems like a lot for 2 people who are retired.

Side note -- I think there is an instant pot and a induction element in one box.  I will have to try those one out! 

paddedhat

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2238
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #309 on: November 29, 2017, 01:31:32 PM »
Old folks and cheap food, absolutely. We spend our winters in FL. but are 15-30 years younger than most of the snowbirds. There are chain restaurants there that make a killing off of the whole concept of catering to that set. Dale Evans, Cracker Barrel, all the usual suspects. Once you combine the snowbirds on the hunt for cheap eats, and the locals wanting to take the family out for affordable dining,  it's a total waste of time to even get near some of those places on the weekend. Pretty hilarious to go to a place that specializes in $8 meals of food service, prefabbed crap, then hear the hostess tell you that it will be a 45 minute wait.  No, really it won't, since waiting 45 minutes for that faux food,  means I'm an idiot.

jeromedawg

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2644
  • Location: Orange County, CA
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #310 on: November 30, 2017, 01:42:28 AM »
Old folks and cheap food, absolutely. We spend our winters in FL. but are 15-30 years younger than most of the snowbirds. There are chain restaurants there that make a killing off of the whole concept of catering to that set. Dale Evans, Cracker Barrel, all the usual suspects. Once you combine the snowbirds on the hunt for cheap eats, and the locals wanting to take the family out for affordable dining,  it's a total waste of time to even get near some of those places on the weekend. Pretty hilarious to go to a place that specializes in $8 meals of food service, prefabbed crap, then hear the hostess tell you that it will be a 45 minute wait.  No, really it won't, since waiting 45 minutes for that faux food,  means I'm an idiot.

Hometown Buffet is another great one. Sizzler too. LOL. Don't get me wrong, my parents have their share of go-to non-chain restaurants... living in the Bay Area there are fortunately more than 5 choices hahaha. They seem to go through a regular rotation of Chinese food places every few years - complaining about quality and prices before moving onto the next. Other than that, my dad seems to think he's a master chef and often leaves messes in the kitchen for my mom to clean up. His latest craze is "dough" - yes... all kinds of dough. *sigh* And if you ever meet him, don't talk to him about it because he'll just talk your ear off the entire time about all the kinds of dough he's been making and how he's perfected the art of making dough.
Speaking of food, I probably already mentioned this in a prior post but my parents hoard food like crazy. Their upright freezer out in the garage is packed to the brim with food. We have a chest freezer in our garage, so I probably shouldn't talk much, but they probably have 3x as much food in there as we have in ours and it's just the two of them. They have all sorts of other crap in the fridge much of which my mom brings back from the school cafeteria because she subs at different schools, etc and knows all the cafeteria people. So she'll just take the leftovers or whatever they might end up tossing: chocolate milk, Taco Nadas, string cheese, fruit, etc. I guess that's not so bad since she feeds it to my nephews LOL! I was looking for cream cheese last week and found two expired ones, one which had mold growing in it. I asked my wife and she said "Oh you're mom said those are old and just to put them back..." *shrug* so I just put it back, not wanting to disturb the "balance" LOL

HMM...  MIL is definitely not a hoarder, but does like nice dishware / serveware.   She just dropped off boxes of items that I can use for an open house party in a couple of weeks.  There is a lot of stuff!  She retired to their second home outside of town (which is a 3 hr trek to get to, including a ferry), about 10 years ago, then proceeded to buy a lot of small appliances, a set of 24 matching dishes and serveware (x2 for large / small plates), 3x packages of eating utensils, etc.   She has only had more than 8 people total to eat at their new place maybe once in 10 years.  IDK.  At least she donated all her old stuff as she bought new, but man, it seems like a lot for 2 people who are retired.

Side note -- I think there is an instant pot and a induction element in one box.  I will have to try those one out! 

INSTANT POT?! I'll take it if you don't want it! :P Crap, I'm already turning into my parents...
« Last Edit: November 30, 2017, 01:44:03 AM by jeromedawg »

Goldielocks

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5576
  • Location: BC
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #311 on: November 30, 2017, 02:20:28 AM »
I only have it for about 3 weeks...  she is lending me her "slow cooker" for an open house party and brought it to my place when she last drove into town.  She knows it is a pressure cooker / fancy thing, and she loves all new shiny tech appliances, but downplayed it in her description, I was surprised when I looked at what is sitting in the boxes.

fredbear

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 92
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #312 on: December 01, 2017, 09:06:48 AM »
.. Unfortunately, my mom, bless her, wants to be absolutely equal to all her grandchildren.  My nephew lives with her, and if she buys him stuff, she feels the need to buy identical/similar stuff for my kids, so we get random packages.  Or, if it's a "boy thing", my son will get something identical and my girls will get something else identical that costs exactly the same amount.  These are usually things my kids don't want...so straight into the Goodwill box they go.

...
This is a great opportunity to set up 529s or vanguard taxable investment accounts for your kids.  Ms Fredbear and I cannot stand to buy yet more brightly colored plastic crap for the Most Precious Grandchildren (MPGC).  We would much rather put the money in their accounts.  Also it is easier to maintain dollar-dollar fairness that way, than it is to buy one piece of dreck and make sure the compensatory piece of druck cost exactly the same. 

formerlydivorcedmom

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 572
  • Location: Texas
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #313 on: December 01, 2017, 01:29:43 PM »
We have 529s for all the kids; I actually used to give my nephew college money instead of presents.  Mom wants "to see the joy in their eyes when they open stuff."

She was over last night and saw the massive pile of stuff that the littlest decluttered from his room - including things she bought him six months ago.  Maybe that will help.

talltexan

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1903
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #314 on: December 04, 2017, 12:11:10 PM »
Old folks and cheap food, absolutely. We spend our winters in FL. but are 15-30 years younger than most of the snowbirds. There are chain restaurants there that make a killing off of the whole concept of catering to that set. Dale Evans, Cracker Barrel, all the usual suspects. Once you combine the snowbirds on the hunt for cheap eats, and the locals wanting to take the family out for affordable dining,  it's a total waste of time to even get near some of those places on the weekend. Pretty hilarious to go to a place that specializes in $8 meals of food service, prefabbed crap, then hear the hostess tell you that it will be a 45 minute wait.  No, really it won't, since waiting 45 minutes for that faux food,  means I'm an idiot.

Hometown Buffet is another great one. Sizzler too. LOL. Don't get me wrong, my parents have their share of go-to non-chain restaurants... living in the Bay Area there are fortunately more than 5 choices hahaha. They seem to go through a regular rotation of Chinese food places every few years - complaining about quality and prices before moving onto the next. Other than that, my dad seems to think he's a master chef and often leaves messes in the kitchen for my mom to clean up. His latest craze is "dough" - yes... all kinds of dough. *sigh* And if you ever meet him, don't talk to him about it because he'll just talk your ear off the entire time about all the kinds of dough he's been making and how he's perfected the art of making dough.
Speaking of food, I probably already mentioned this in a prior post but my parents hoard food like crazy. Their upright freezer out in the garage is packed to the brim with food. We have a chest freezer in our garage, so I probably shouldn't talk much, but they probably have 3x as much food in there as we have in ours and it's just the two of them. They have all sorts of other crap in the fridge much of which my mom brings back from the school cafeteria because she subs at different schools, etc and knows all the cafeteria people. So she'll just take the leftovers or whatever they might end up tossing: chocolate milk, Taco Nadas, string cheese, fruit, etc. I guess that's not so bad since she feeds it to my nephews LOL! I was looking for cream cheese last week and found two expired ones, one which had mold growing in it. I asked my wife and she said "Oh you're mom said those are old and just to put them back..." *shrug* so I just put it back, not wanting to disturb the "balance" LOL

HMM...  MIL is definitely not a hoarder, but does like nice dishware / serveware.   She just dropped off boxes of items that I can use for an open house party in a couple of weeks.  There is a lot of stuff!  She retired to their second home outside of town (which is a 3 hr trek to get to, including a ferry), about 10 years ago, then proceeded to buy a lot of small appliances, a set of 24 matching dishes and serveware (x2 for large / small plates), 3x packages of eating utensils, etc.   She has only had more than 8 people total to eat at their new place maybe once in 10 years.  IDK.  At least she donated all her old stuff as she bought new, but man, it seems like a lot for 2 people who are retired.

Side note -- I think there is an instant pot and a induction element in one box.  I will have to try those one out! 

INSTANT POT?! I'll take it if you don't want it! :P Crap, I'm already turning into my parents...

Growing up, my dad did most of the cooking (My mom's work hours were longer, and she had a very long commute). Now that he's 66, I think my dad has decided he paid his dues. He deosn't want to spend his remaining time on this earth cooking (my mom still works similar hours). So he doesn't. I think older folks often feel this way, hence the popularity of these restaurants.

Pioneerw2b

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 19
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #315 on: December 05, 2017, 07:45:33 AM »
I haven't been on here for a long time but this title caught my interest this morning !
My dad was given quite a bit of money from my grandmother before she passed away. Him and his wife (my step-mom) bought some much needed items. Now with this stash of money, my step-mom started buying all kinds of glassware at garage sales. Some she would keep and some she would sell on consignment at an antiques shop. That was about 5 years ago..... fast forward and now she is slowly emptying out 5 china cabinets and an entire wall of shelves of glassware. I only see them twice a year and the past two years she will ask if I want anything... I tell her " oh sure, I can find a use for that"  I take 3 or 4 boxes away and deliver them to Goodwill or other thrift shops in my area. I figure this way, I am saving myself, my sister and step-sister a hassle years down the road. I've been to several estate sales where no one has touched anything in 50+ years....its a nightmare.

Cassie

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4368
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #316 on: December 05, 2017, 02:12:52 PM »
As a baby boomer I can say that you do get sick of cooking. We now eat out 2-3x's a week which we never ever did when young. Also if you are out doing fun things you don't want to have to interrupt it to come home to eat.

iris lily

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2907
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #317 on: December 06, 2017, 09:52:02 AM »
As a baby boomer I can say that you do get sick of cooking. We now eat out 2-3x's a week which we never ever did when young. Also if you are out doing fun things you don't want to have to interrupt it to come home to eat.
We do not go to restaurants often, and we never have take out delivered, but I have to add that I go to grocery store delis at least once a week. So yeah, that is my “someone else cooks” experience. In retirement I spend u limited money on food,  no more budgeting.

paddedhat

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2238
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #318 on: December 06, 2017, 10:08:16 AM »
I've been to several estate sales where no one has touched anything in 50+ years....its a nightmare.

One branch of my family tree is rooted in the Pennsylvania Dutch heritage. This is a line of old Germanic rural folks that spoke their own language and were noted for their frugality. The PA. Dutch farming father of one of our friends passed away, and left the farm to his kids. One is a great young man, who was so infatuated with farming since he was little, that he went to a state Uni. for an Ag. degree and is now trying to make a living as a farmer. Sadly, the farm was once a turkey farm, which typically includes an pretty significant amount of barn space. This poor kid inherited tens of thousands of square feet of barns FULL to the rafters with junk. The old farmer wasn't really a hoarder, but just kept old stuff, since there was no reason to throw it out, you might need it some day. They literally pushed EVERY worn out vehicle they bought and used up, since the 1960s. into an unused barn. Worn out, rusted out cars, pickups, farm equipment, etc.... That's only a small fraction of the mess. The kid will have thousands of hours spent digging out from that disaster.

Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3161
  • Age: 33
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #319 on: December 06, 2017, 10:45:13 AM »
I've been to several estate sales where no one has touched anything in 50+ years....its a nightmare.

One branch of my family tree is rooted in the Pennsylvania Dutch heritage. This is a line of old Germanic rural folks that spoke their own language and were noted for their frugality. The PA. Dutch farming father of one of our friends passed away, and left the farm to his kids. One is a great young man, who was so infatuated with farming since he was little, that he went to a state Uni. for an Ag. degree and is now trying to make a living as a farmer. Sadly, the farm was once a turkey farm, which typically includes an pretty significant amount of barn space. This poor kid inherited tens of thousands of square feet of barns FULL to the rafters with junk. The old farmer wasn't really a hoarder, but just kept old stuff, since there was no reason to throw it out, you might need it some day. They literally pushed EVERY worn out vehicle they bought and used up, since the 1960s. into an unused barn. Worn out, rusted out cars, pickups, farm equipment, etc.... That's only a small fraction of the mess. The kid will have thousands of hours spent digging out from that disaster.

Well, depending on what it all is, some of it may actually be wanted by some one. Might help with disposal fees at least.

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2007
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #320 on: December 06, 2017, 12:37:12 PM »
For a long time I believed that wastefulness and hoarding were the extreme ends of a spectrum. Wasteful behavior consisted of failing to maintain what you own or throwing out perfectly useful things that would be needed in short order, and then repurchasing the item or-- worse still!-- renting or leasing it at a high cost and having "nothing to show for it" after a long period of time. Hoarding, the opposite end of the spectrum, consisted of holding onto (and frequently paying for space to store) unnecessary and useless items to the point where having the item compromises the utility or cleanliness of one's own living space. Each end of the spectrum had its advantages. The wasteful lifestyle was flexible, because people who pursued it were flexible and could spontaneously do fun things or change locations to take advantage of a job or travel opportunity since they weren't tied down by their belongings. The hoarder lifestyle was stable, because the hoarder was seldom without a particular necessary or useful item due to his or her habit of over-purchasing. But the best and most comfortable lifestyles were closer to the middle of the spectrum, with a healthy and well-balanced person acquiring necessary belongings and keeping them clean and in good repair, while avoiding clutter by giving away or selling unused or obsolete items.

I no longer subscribe to this binary view, and Mustachianism is one reason why. There's a third option: to take a minimalist approach. In the minimalist approach, decluttering is seldom necessary because excess items aren't brought into the home in the first place. As an item wears out, it is discarded, repurposed, or recycled as appropriate. The items bought aren't necessarily the cheapest, except in cases where there's no relationship between the durability of the item and its sticker price. But a minimalist does tend to care for his or her belongings and keep track of them.

Goldielocks

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5576
  • Location: BC
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #321 on: December 06, 2017, 01:29:33 PM »
I find minimalism is actually pretty wasteful in practice.   People buy single use, small quantity items frequently, and continually toss and rebuy later if they need that thing.  They don't buy extra, and only what they use, but they do discard things rather than storing them.

A great example is a the minimalist traveller -- the one who waits to buy the extra Tshirts and underpants suited for their trip, after arriving, then tosses it before coming home.   

Another person I know has a minimal kitchen, but goes out to eat a lot because they can't make more than very basic foods at home with the equipment that they have.   Pizza tastes better with a pizza stone, never preserve foods or buys in bulk, have minimal spices, etc.

A third person keeps no materials for making basic repairs around home.  Every time they either need to hire someone or go out to buy a new tube of glue or a 4 pack of fasteners or WD-40, and they buy the tiny sizes because they just toss.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2017, 07:02:04 PM by Goldielocks »

Cassie

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4368
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #322 on: December 06, 2017, 02:05:15 PM »
What a waste Goldielocks. I didn't realize that people actually did this.

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2007
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #323 on: December 06, 2017, 02:09:00 PM »
I find minimalism is actually pretty wasteful in practice.   People buy single use, small quantity items frequency, and continually toss and rebuy later if they need that thing.  They don't buy extra, and only what they use, but they do discard things rather than storing them.

A great example is a the minimalist traveller -- the one who waits to buy the extra Tshirts and underpants suited for their trip, after arriving, then tosses it before coming home.   

Another person I know has a minimal kitchen, but goes out to eat a lot because they can't make more than very basic foods at home with the equipment that they have.   Pizza tastes better with a pizza stone, never preserve foods or buy in bulk, have minimal spices, etc.

A third person keeps no materials for making basic repairs around home.  Every time they need to hire someone or go out to buy a new tube of glue or a fasteners or WD-40, and they buy the tiny sizes because they just toss.

That wasn't what I intended to suggest as "minimalism". I'd have put that more on the "wasteful" end of the original spectrum (use-and-toss). I've never heard of a minimalist traveler purchasing and tossing clothing but if you've run across some of them I do believe you. What I've heard of them doing, and what I've done myself, is packing only a few clothing items and washing them more than once during an extended trip. Some of the RV'ers on this forum have this approach. The person with the minimalist kitchen might not have to go out to eat much if he or she were satisfied with simple or basic foods. There are people who are.

What I was trying to get across is that there's a third option of "not buying in the first place" instead of "buying then tossing" or "buying then hoarding".

YogiKitti

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 890
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #324 on: December 06, 2017, 02:13:46 PM »
I find minimalism is actually pretty wasteful in practice.   People buy single use, small quantity items frequency, and continually toss and rebuy later if they need that thing.  They don't buy extra, and only what they use, but they do discard things rather than storing them.

A great example is a the minimalist traveller -- the one who waits to buy the extra Tshirts and underpants suited for their trip, after arriving, then tosses it before coming home.   

Another person I know has a minimal kitchen, but goes out to eat a lot because they can't make more than very basic foods at home with the equipment that they have.   Pizza tastes better with a pizza stone, never preserve foods or buy in bulk, have minimal spices, etc.

A third person keeps no materials for making basic repairs around home.  Every time they need to hire someone or go out to buy a new tube of glue or a fasteners or WD-40, and they buy the tiny sizes because they just toss.

Frugality and minimalism don't always mix, but I do think they are pretty compatible. Clearly not in the examples you gave but having less kitchen gadgets means less desire for a larger kitchen. Less clothes means less baggage fees, closet space, and money spent on new additions.

Goldielocks

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5576
  • Location: BC
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #325 on: December 06, 2017, 07:14:42 PM »
I find minimalism is actually pretty wasteful in practice.   People buy single use, small quantity items frequency, and continually toss and rebuy later if they need that thing.  They don't buy extra, and only what they use, but they do discard things rather than storing them.

A great example is a the minimalist traveller -- the one who waits to buy the extra Tshirts and underpants suited for their trip, after arriving, then tosses it before coming home.   

Another person I know has a minimal kitchen, but goes out to eat a lot because they can't make more than very basic foods at home with the equipment that they have.   Pizza tastes better with a pizza stone, never preserve foods or buy in bulk, have minimal spices, etc.

A third person keeps no materials for making basic repairs around home.  Every time they need to hire someone or go out to buy a new tube of glue or a fasteners or WD-40, and they buy the tiny sizes because they just toss.

 I've never heard of a minimalist traveler purchasing and tossing clothing but if you've run across some of them I do believe you.  Some of the RV'ers on this forum have this approach. The person with the minimalist kitchen might not have to go out to eat much if he or she were satisfied with simple or basic foods. There are people who are.


I have met a few travellers, all male but maybe that is just because I know more male solo travelers.   They pride themselves in "no luggage".   Typically the ones with a "carry on" about the size of a camera bag,  smaller 20L backpack, and no other baggage.   Take one change of clothing, comb, but don't even take a toothbrush or paste.  Buy swim trunks if they need them, or a pair of shoes if they need more than the loafers they are wearing... these items do not return.

I travelled France for a month this year with a single 40L backpack.   My friend pointed out how much luggage that was compared to him.    He has a lot of money, which is how I discovered the hidden side of "minimal" travelling.   Yes, I could have travelled without a clothes line and laundry soap, but the cost goes up to do laundry.  Yes, I could have left my travel cutlery and bowl at home, but food costs go up...

Take a look at minimalist lifestyles,  yes, there are Jacob at ERE that actually simplify their lives for a long haul.  BUT, some of those shown on TV for decorating and decluttering, for example, actually buy new items and take care of them, repeating 3-5 years....
Technically, "Minimal" clothing does not actually mean that you BUY less clothing per year, it only means that you STORE less clothing at one time...

MayDay

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3660
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #326 on: December 06, 2017, 07:59:08 PM »
My dad's new thing is to send a group text to my siblings and I, with a photo of some random shit in his house, asking if any of us want it. 

We inevitably all reply no, and he then either tosses it or keeps it anyway because reasons. 

At least he is getting rid of some stuff.  FTR he is not at hoarder level, just at "why does a 60 year old live in a 3000 sq ft house with closets full of old shit" level. 

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2007
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #327 on: December 07, 2017, 08:58:55 AM »
I find minimalism is actually pretty wasteful in practice.   People buy single use, small quantity items frequency, and continually toss and rebuy later if they need that thing.  They don't buy extra, and only what they use, but they do discard things rather than storing them.

A great example is a the minimalist traveller -- the one who waits to buy the extra Tshirts and underpants suited for their trip, after arriving, then tosses it before coming home.   

Another person I know has a minimal kitchen, but goes out to eat a lot because they can't make more than very basic foods at home with the equipment that they have.   Pizza tastes better with a pizza stone, never preserve foods or buy in bulk, have minimal spices, etc.

A third person keeps no materials for making basic repairs around home.  Every time they need to hire someone or go out to buy a new tube of glue or a fasteners or WD-40, and they buy the tiny sizes because they just toss.

 I've never heard of a minimalist traveler purchasing and tossing clothing but if you've run across some of them I do believe you.  Some of the RV'ers on this forum have this approach. The person with the minimalist kitchen might not have to go out to eat much if he or she were satisfied with simple or basic foods. There are people who are.


I have met a few travellers, all male but maybe that is just because I know more male solo travelers.   They pride themselves in "no luggage".   Typically the ones with a "carry on" about the size of a camera bag,  smaller 20L backpack, and no other baggage.   Take one change of clothing, comb, but don't even take a toothbrush or paste.  Buy swim trunks if they need them, or a pair of shoes if they need more than the loafers they are wearing... these items do not return.

I travelled France for a month this year with a single 40L backpack.   My friend pointed out how much luggage that was compared to him.    He has a lot of money, which is how I discovered the hidden side of "minimal" travelling.   Yes, I could have travelled without a clothes line and laundry soap, but the cost goes up to do laundry.  Yes, I could have left my travel cutlery and bowl at home, but food costs go up...

Take a look at minimalist lifestyles,  yes, there are Jacob at ERE that actually simplify their lives for a long haul.  BUT, some of those shown on TV for decorating and decluttering, for example, actually buy new items and take care of them, repeating 3-5 years....
Technically, "Minimal" clothing does not actually mean that you BUY less clothing per year, it only means that you STORE less clothing at one time...

If that's the generally accepted definition-- it wasn't what I meant by "minimal"-- then perhaps we need a word besides "minimal" to describe buying and owning less. Unless we want to co-opt "Mustachian", however Mustachianism is a much broader term.

NoraLenderbee

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1249
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #328 on: December 07, 2017, 05:44:11 PM »
I think "minimalism" means buying and owning less stuff. Buying stuff to use and toss is treating stuff as "disposable" (disposalism? disposablism?).

former player

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3564
  • Location: Avalon
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #329 on: December 08, 2017, 01:57:55 AM »
I think "minimalism" means buying and owning less stuff. Buying stuff to use and toss is treating stuff as "disposable" (disposalism? disposablism?).
All the examples of minimalism I've ever seen involve uncluttered spaces with enormous hidden cupboards/storage spaces full of the stuff that wasn't on display.

jeromedawg

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2644
  • Location: Orange County, CA
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #330 on: December 09, 2017, 09:53:57 AM »
Old folks and cheap food, absolutely. We spend our winters in FL. but are 15-30 years younger than most of the snowbirds. There are chain restaurants there that make a killing off of the whole concept of catering to that set. Dale Evans, Cracker Barrel, all the usual suspects. Once you combine the snowbirds on the hunt for cheap eats, and the locals wanting to take the family out for affordable dining,  it's a total waste of time to even get near some of those places on the weekend. Pretty hilarious to go to a place that specializes in $8 meals of food service, prefabbed crap, then hear the hostess tell you that it will be a 45 minute wait.  No, really it won't, since waiting 45 minutes for that faux food,  means I'm an idiot.

Hometown Buffet is another great one. Sizzler too. LOL. Don't get me wrong, my parents have their share of go-to non-chain restaurants... living in the Bay Area there are fortunately more than 5 choices hahaha. They seem to go through a regular rotation of Chinese food places every few years - complaining about quality and prices before moving onto the next. Other than that, my dad seems to think he's a master chef and often leaves messes in the kitchen for my mom to clean up. His latest craze is "dough" - yes... all kinds of dough. *sigh* And if you ever meet him, don't talk to him about it because he'll just talk your ear off the entire time about all the kinds of dough he's been making and how he's perfected the art of making dough.
Speaking of food, I probably already mentioned this in a prior post but my parents hoard food like crazy. Their upright freezer out in the garage is packed to the brim with food. We have a chest freezer in our garage, so I probably shouldn't talk much, but they probably have 3x as much food in there as we have in ours and it's just the two of them. They have all sorts of other crap in the fridge much of which my mom brings back from the school cafeteria because she subs at different schools, etc and knows all the cafeteria people. So she'll just take the leftovers or whatever they might end up tossing: chocolate milk, Taco Nadas, string cheese, fruit, etc. I guess that's not so bad since she feeds it to my nephews LOL! I was looking for cream cheese last week and found two expired ones, one which had mold growing in it. I asked my wife and she said "Oh you're mom said those are old and just to put them back..." *shrug* so I just put it back, not wanting to disturb the "balance" LOL

HMM...  MIL is definitely not a hoarder, but does like nice dishware / serveware.   She just dropped off boxes of items that I can use for an open house party in a couple of weeks.  There is a lot of stuff!  She retired to their second home outside of town (which is a 3 hr trek to get to, including a ferry), about 10 years ago, then proceeded to buy a lot of small appliances, a set of 24 matching dishes and serveware (x2 for large / small plates), 3x packages of eating utensils, etc.   She has only had more than 8 people total to eat at their new place maybe once in 10 years.  IDK.  At least she donated all her old stuff as she bought new, but man, it seems like a lot for 2 people who are retired.

Side note -- I think there is an instant pot and a induction element in one box.  I will have to try those one out! 

INSTANT POT?! I'll take it if you don't want it! :P Crap, I'm already turning into my parents...

Growing up, my dad did most of the cooking (My mom's work hours were longer, and she had a very long commute). Now that he's 66, I think my dad has decided he paid his dues. He deosn't want to spend his remaining time on this earth cooking (my mom still works similar hours). So he doesn't. I think older folks often feel this way, hence the popularity of these restaurants.

Makes sense... I think my mom might feel that way because I rarely ever see her cook. Part of it is the stress of multi-tasking in cooking (prepping, cooking, cleaning) etc but the other part of it is that my dad gets all up in her bidness when she's cooking and she gets extra stressed out just having him around there. Admittedly, if you ask my wife she'll tell you the same thing about me LOL. I think my dad [and I, I guess] find some release/relief in cooking? It's somewhat therapeutic, barring oil splatters and burns in the face and other extremities... LOL

Anyway, yea my mom would always cook growing up. And she enjoys it time to time. But this past Thanksgiving reminded me how little she enjoys it especially with my dad making his 'experiments' while she's trying to handle everything else. I never remember my dad being interested in cooking so much until after he retired... if he's not rambling on about travels and gadgets, he's talking someone's ear off about the latest experiments in the kitchen (it doesn't help that he has zero sense of smell either)
« Last Edit: December 09, 2017, 09:56:19 AM by jeromedawg »

LeRainDrop

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1845
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #331 on: December 13, 2017, 08:31:37 PM »
Apparently I hoard Amazon and other boxes in one of my closets.  The idea was that I would use them if I ever sold stuff on eBay that I'd been meaning to get rid of.  Tonight I pulled them all out, flattened them, and brought them down to cardboard recycling.  Phew, feels good to get rid of that!

ysette9

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3153
  • Location: Bay Area, CA
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #332 on: December 13, 2017, 09:25:44 PM »
Doesn’t it feel great to get rid of stuff? I have a pile in the corner for a goodwill run soon and get excited just thinking about the junk I can toss. It is easier when my husband is away on travel so I can make some unilateral decisions :)

In my mind minimalist is buying once and buying quality, and thinking hard about what you really need before pulling the trigger. If you buy a more expensive version of an item you are more likely to reflect before purchasing, and since it is quality you only need one and my need to replace it frequently. I get driven crazy by having three cheap copies of <insert random item>. I can remember sitting in my in-law’s garage with my husband and playing the game of “how many of x item can you spot without moving from our seats?”. Good lord, who needs five cans of WD-40 or three dremel drills?

jeromedawg

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2644
  • Location: Orange County, CA
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #333 on: December 27, 2017, 02:19:07 PM »
Apparently I hoard Amazon and other boxes in one of my closets.  The idea was that I would use them if I ever sold stuff on eBay that I'd been meaning to get rid of.  Tonight I pulled them all out, flattened them, and brought them down to cardboard recycling.  Phew, feels good to get rid of that!

Uh... I need to do this when we get back home. I have a ton of Amazon, etc boxes in my garage that I'm 'storing' for Amazon/eBay sales as well. I certainly don't need as many as I'd like to think I do. Really what I should do is evaluate what I need to sell and find boxes for that stuff then get rid of the remaining boxes. No point in keeping all those.

BTW: on the way back home from NorCal and my hoarder parents' place... what a headache. Their hoarding habits haven't changed. And we are coming home with more than we brought again. There's a bag of stuff that we've determined to be for Goodwill... bringing it back to appease my mom but eventually dropping it off to Goodwill. I probably already mentioned this before but another thing they hoard and have craploads of are those reusable tote/shopping bags. Most of these come from the computer trade shows SWAG my dad collects. I'm not sure why he even goes to those other than to come home with crap... it's ridiculous, and the only reason he can go is because he has connections and used to work in the industry; yet, he has been retired for at least 10 years now. So in our cheap and worthless gift bags were what we expected: cheap items on sale from Old Navy, a cheap white dress shirt (I don't remember the last time I wore a dress shirt btw), a bunch of reusable tote bags, candy (that my mom got on Halloween clearance from CVS), and other stuff for the kids my mom likely got on clearance sales/deals. We actually left all the reusable trade show bags back up there along with other large toys because we just don't have room for that stuff. They bought us this huge Spinyos rollercoaster thing for the kids --- we have NO room for that stuff and they know it, yet they buy it anyway. SMH

Funny/ridiculous anecdote from Christmas day: my parents have this floorlamp that was in the living room where we were opening gifts and it was being moved around for picture-taking. Whoever moved it noticed cement crumbling out from under - apparently the base was broken. Immediately my mom had to assign 'blame' by saying "Hey didn't one of you boys give this to us?" - none of my brothers or I bought this lamp for them... likely, my dad did. Anyway, the base is screwed up so you'd think it should just be disposed of right? My dad agreed...until my mom said "NO WAY! DO NOT THROW THAT AWAY! IT'S STILL GOOD!" - at that point he conceded and said "oh yea I guess... well let me see how I can fix the base." At the moment, it's laying outside on their front patio in pieces. It looks like a junkyard in their front yard patio area BTW: wires and solar panels laying around that my dad setup for lighting (and Christmas lights). It just looks awful. He installed a Ring Doorbell and did a complete half-a hack-job installing it - completely off-centered and not mounted properly. These are my parents...all I can do is SMH. The more I see/hear from them the less I want to be involved in their 'pursuits'

Pioneerw2b

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 19
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #334 on: December 28, 2017, 05:48:20 AM »
When my dad and his wife inherited a chunk of money from my grandparents, they bought a new double wide and they both said, "this house is not going to get junked-up like the last one"..... well once they were all moved in, my step-mom started going to garage sales with the windfall of cash. Glassware, toys, stuff filled the place up. They have at least 6 or 7 curio cabinets and an entire wall full of shelves filled with it.  She has gotten to where she cannot shop like that anymore (illness) so has started giving me boxes of stuff when I visit. She will ask if I want it and I will say " yes, that is pretty cool". I take it home, sort through it and donate the junk. If it can be sold, I keep those items to sell. I figure I am helping my sister and step-sister in the long run.....

One time when visiting (they live 365 miles away) I had asked if I could use the washer and dryer to clean up some essentials. The washing machine was covered with unused boxes, garage sale purchases and garbage...I asked my step-mom where I could move the stuff to and she was annoyed that I couldn't just work around it. Needless to say, I will go to a laundry mat next time.

So much for the "no junk" rule......




Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3161
  • Age: 33
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #335 on: December 28, 2017, 10:11:20 AM »
When my dad and his wife inherited a chunk of money from my grandparents, they bought a new double wide and they both said, "this house is not going to get junked-up like the last one"..... well once they were all moved in, my step-mom started going to garage sales with the windfall of cash. Glassware, toys, stuff filled the place up. They have at least 6 or 7 curio cabinets and an entire wall full of shelves filled with it.  She has gotten to where she cannot shop like that anymore (illness) so has started giving me boxes of stuff when I visit. She will ask if I want it and I will say " yes, that is pretty cool". I take it home, sort through it and donate the junk. If it can be sold, I keep those items to sell. I figure I am helping my sister and step-sister in the long run.....

One time when visiting (they live 365 miles away) I had asked if I could use the washer and dryer to clean up some essentials. The washing machine was covered with unused boxes, garage sale purchases and garbage...I asked my step-mom where I could move the stuff to and she was annoyed that I couldn't just work around it. Needless to say, I will go to a laundry mat next time.

So much for the "no junk" rule......

My sister and I went through w/mom all the books. Something like 8-10 boxes were donated. There were 3 boxes that got set aside for my sister. I asked her about it recently, and she said most of it was stuff that mom wasn't going to donate but was willing to give to one of us. 98% of those boxes can be donated. Next time I'm visiting, I'm grabbing those boxes and taking them to my house. Will check with sister on what she actually wanted and donate the rest. Already made up a story to satisfy mom, sister is on board.

Pioneerw2b

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 19
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #336 on: December 29, 2017, 05:03:08 AM »
My sister and I went through w/mom all the books. Something like 8-10 boxes were donated. There were 3 boxes that got set aside for my sister. I asked her about it recently, and she said most of it was stuff that mom wasn't going to donate but was willing to give to one of us. 98% of those boxes can be donated. Next time I'm visiting, I'm grabbing those boxes and taking them to my house. Will check with sister on what she actually wanted and donate the rest. Already made up a story to satisfy mom, sister is on board.
[/quote]



It is a win-win....As long as they think I will use the items or store them at my house, it is easier for them to give it away. I think several older folks don't want to part with their stuff because it is of value to them..although we see it for what it is. My husband tried to help his mom go through financial paperwork and he found bank statements and Dr. bills from the late 1990's to the early 2000's. She didn't want to get rid of them because " what if someone tries to say I didn't pay them ?"    It was hard to convince her that even the bank and doctors more than likely do not have the records anymore.

mies

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 337
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #337 on: December 29, 2017, 08:10:30 AM »
My dad sent me home with 2 gallons of windshield washer fluid on Christmas eve. I already have enough for the winter. It's not he worst thing he could have given me, but it's going to be sitting around until next winter.

Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3161
  • Age: 33
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #338 on: December 29, 2017, 08:10:51 AM »
My sister and I went through w/mom all the books. Something like 8-10 boxes were donated. There were 3 boxes that got set aside for my sister. I asked her about it recently, and she said most of it was stuff that mom wasn't going to donate but was willing to give to one of us. 98% of those boxes can be donated. Next time I'm visiting, I'm grabbing those boxes and taking them to my house. Will check with sister on what she actually wanted and donate the rest. Already made up a story to satisfy mom, sister is on board.


It is a win-win....As long as they think I will use the items or store them at my house, it is easier for them to give it away. I think several older folks don't want to part with their stuff because it is of value to them..although we see it for what it is. My husband tried to help his mom go through financial paperwork and he found bank statements and Dr. bills from the late 1990's to the early 2000's. She didn't want to get rid of them because " what if someone tries to say I didn't pay them ?"    It was hard to convince her that even the bank and doctors more than likely do not have the records anymore.
[/quote]

My parents had ALL their tax papers, old mortgages, records of buying/selling houses (even ones that fell through), utility bills, credit card bills, etc, since the beginning of time. I went through all that a couple years ago, boxes and boxes of paper. I don't know how many boxes of paper. Found some actually important things, and tossed/shredded the majority. I'm sure they've been accumulating since.

robartsd

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1752
  • Location: Northern California
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #339 on: December 29, 2017, 09:36:19 AM »
My parents had ALL their tax papers, old mortgages, records of buying/selling houses (even ones that fell through), utility bills, credit card bills, etc, since the beginning of time. I went through all that a couple years ago, boxes and boxes of paper. I don't know how many boxes of paper. Found some actually important things, and tossed/shredded the majority. I'm sure they've been accumulating since.
It may not practical for retrieval, but I've often thought that the most practical filing system for many documents is one in which everything is filed by the date it is OK to destroy the document. Many documents are stored in case we need them in the future, but we hope we don't (tax records, warranty documents, etc.). If we can file by destruction date, we eliminate the need to sort through the documents before destroying them. Unfortunately not all documents have a clear destruction date when they are initially filed.

marble_faun

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 227
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #340 on: December 30, 2017, 09:54:19 AM »
Back from Christmas.

Got much less stuff from my mom than usual, in part because I reminded her several times that I did not want any stuff!

We also received gifts from other family members who I can't be quite as blunt with.  Unfortunately we didn't want or need a lot of these. It feels ungrateful and snobby to say so, but it's the truth.

So almost all of our gifts from Christmas are already in the give-away pile. It is sad, but we've learned that we can't let these things accumulate.  A few years of inertia on this front, and we'd be suffocating.

I wish gifts for the sake of gifts could be phased out. I accept the gifts, I write a thank you note, then I dispose of them. The whole cycle feels so wasteful and wrong. But I don't want to spend time storing, dusting, and tripping over things I don't even like!

Just Joe

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2090
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #341 on: December 30, 2017, 12:39:42 PM »
I think this year Christmas was a success. DW and I exchanged just a couple of things - mostly things we like to eat. Kids had a nice selection of things to use and play with. On one side of the family we picked from a pile. For example if you are male, you bring a male gift and get a male gift. Someone showed up without a gift and couldn't participate so I encouraged them to play in my place. YAY! He got the male knicknacks which would have been duplicates of things I already own (pliers, flashlight, etc all in camo).

So I came away from the work party and the one party with extended family with a fully belly, some laughs and no stuff.

Other side of the family still to come. Usually something small.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2018, 01:08:03 PM by Just Joe »

Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3161
  • Age: 33
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #342 on: December 30, 2017, 07:22:53 PM »
Back from Christmas.

Got much less stuff from my mom than usual, in part because I reminded her several times that I did not want any stuff!

We also received gifts from other family members who I can't be quite as blunt with.  Unfortunately we didn't want or need a lot of these. It feels ungrateful and snobby to say so, but it's the truth.

So almost all of our gifts from Christmas are already in the give-away pile. It is sad, but we've learned that we can't let these things accumulate.  A few years of inertia on this front, and we'd be suffocating.

I wish gifts for the sake of gifts could be phased out. I accept the gifts, I write a thank you note, then I dispose of them. The whole cycle feels so wasteful and wrong. But I don't want to spend time storing, dusting, and tripping over things I don't even like!

I have pretty decent luck returning unopened items to stores. I returned 2 items to Target, they didn't take a 3rd. I have one item that is a Walmart brand and didn't have it with me when I drove past (of course). This year was really light, but in the past I've returned dozens of items to stores. I get store credit of course, but it spends just the same and I get what I actually need. I'll donate or regift as well.

YogiKitti

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 890
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #343 on: December 31, 2017, 05:51:13 PM »
I call this Christmas a success! There is a group of family who always ask what we want for Christmas, and always never get us what we want and instead get something similar but not close enough to be desirable. This year they just gave us random vegan food. We still have some things that are going to the thrift store soon, but hey we can use the food at least!

marcela

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 602
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #344 on: January 02, 2018, 06:48:31 AM »
This Christmas was slightly more restrained as my in-laws had given us money towards our new sofas that we convinced them to consider a christmas as well as housewarming gift (It was in the range of what the usually spend just on Christmas). However we still got a lot of junk. My husband and I both got novelty hats that have stuffed animals on top (https://www.amazon.com/Bioterti-Plush-Animal-Hats-One/dp/B073QHLHS3/ref=sr_1_29?ie=UTF8&qid=1514900317&sr=8-29&keywords=fox+head+hat). We were made to wear them so had to remove the tags making them unreturnable. I also received a cashmere robe that I've got listed on Amazon. I'm not a robe person and apparently this thing cost $300! That's more than my wedding dress cost! Hopefully it sells and we can put the money towards a fence for our backyard.

nancyjnelson

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 76
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #345 on: January 02, 2018, 08:14:56 AM »
I was once in a relationship with someone who would buy stuff because it was such a "deal."  One minor example is a package of 500 high quality paper plates from Costco - I urged him to just buy a smaller package of plates from the grocery store, but he refused because they were so much more "expensive" per plate.  He had one cookout, then "gifted" the remaining 485 plates to me because "I had kids and would use them."  Six years (and three houses) later, I finally threw them out.  (And now that we're no longer dating, I'm able to donate some of the better quality items to Goodwill.)

Why does someone do that?  He grew up dirt poor and can't shake the idea that he needs to be thrifty and that other people are always looking to relieve him of his hard earned cash.  And then when he gives whatever he bought to someone else, he can feel generous.  He viewed any discussion of asking him not to give me this stuff as insulting and a rejection of him as a provider.

In the meantime, he still has three storage units that he's paying for - one in New York, a second in Arizona and a third in Virginia. 

Sibley

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3161
  • Age: 33
  • Location: Chicago, IL
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #346 on: January 02, 2018, 08:41:28 AM »
I was once in a relationship with someone who would buy stuff because it was such a "deal."  One minor example is a package of 500 high quality paper plates from Costco - I urged him to just buy a smaller package of plates from the grocery store, but he refused because they were so much more "expensive" per plate.  He had one cookout, then "gifted" the remaining 485 plates to me because "I had kids and would use them."  Six years (and three houses) later, I finally threw them out.  (And now that we're no longer dating, I'm able to donate some of the better quality items to Goodwill.)

Why does someone do that?  He grew up dirt poor and can't shake the idea that he needs to be thrifty and that other people are always looking to relieve him of his hard earned cash.  And then when he gives whatever he bought to someone else, he can feel generous.  He viewed any discussion of asking him not to give me this stuff as insulting and a rejection of him as a provider.

In the meantime, he still has three storage units that he's paying for - one in New York, a second in Arizona and a third in Virginia.

@TheGrimSqueaker has had a lot of experience in some of that and explains it quite well.

saguaro

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 60
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #347 on: January 02, 2018, 01:10:13 PM »
I have pretty decent luck returning unopened items to stores. I returned 2 items to Target, they didn't take a 3rd. I have one item that is a Walmart brand and didn't have it with me when I drove past (of course). This year was really light, but in the past I've returned dozens of items to stores. I get store credit of course, but it spends just the same and I get what I actually need. I'll donate or regift as well.

With gifts we don't want, we usually have had decent luck returning to stores for store credit.  Not all the time, but most of the time.  One year for Christmas, I got a Williams and Sonoma cookbook from SIL.  Nice cookbook but I recently downsized my cookbooks (I must have had nearly every church cookbook known to man) and was only keeping those that I actually used.  So I returned it to the store for an item that I actually needed, a heavy duty baking sheet.

Anything that we can't return gets either donated or regifted.  I have long gotten over keeping things just because "so and so gave it to me".  If I can use it, great.  If not, out it goes be it store return, Goodwill or to somebody else. 

marcela

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 602
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #348 on: January 02, 2018, 02:40:14 PM »
Anything that we can't return gets either donated or regifted.  I have long gotten over keeping things just because "so and so gave it to me".  If I can use it, great.  If not, out it goes be it store return, Goodwill or to somebody else.

My husband and I got into a fight about this last week. He was upset that I posted the robe for sale and was planning on donating some of the other stuff. He grew up in a very "you keep a gift forever because it's a gift" type of family whereas my family will cheerfully hand over receipts as soon as you open your gift. In fact I got both my mom and sister purses this year and they traded before we even got to the next person. I don't see the point in cluttering up my house with crap.

rockstache

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5701
  • Age: 2014
  • Location: Northeast
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #349 on: January 03, 2018, 08:56:59 AM »
Anything that we can't return gets either donated or regifted.  I have long gotten over keeping things just because "so and so gave it to me".  If I can use it, great.  If not, out it goes be it store return, Goodwill or to somebody else.

 I don't see the point in cluttering up my house with crap.

+1

My husband went to return something that I received for Christmas the other day (no receipt, so I was going for store credit). It seems that it was actually not a for sale item, but an item they were giving out as a free gift if you bought something else! So that was kind of funny. I will probably just donate it instead.