Beating the Wedding Dead Horse

[No Name Guy]

http://money.cnn.com/2013/03/10/pf/wedding-cost/index.html?iid=SF_PF_River

In 2012, newlyweds (and their families) spent an average of $28,427 on weddings and related events — the highest amount since 2008

And at many weddings, a DJ or band was just not enough. Last year, 27% of weddings included additional entertainment -- such as a photo booth or caricature artist -- more than double the percentage who did so in 2011.

"They consider it no longer this total splurge, but rather something they feel they need," Winikka said.

Couples in Manhattan dropped the most cash, with an average wedding budget of $76,687....Alaska, meanwhile, was home to the most frugal affairs, with an average budget of $15,504.

Fish in a barrel for the shame and comedy section, especially for those New Yorkers.....

[ShavenLlama]

My husband thought I was overspending at $3K for our wedding and reception. So I showed him the Wedding Calculator for our zipcode- Average wedding around $23K- 40K. Insanity.

[tmac]

My first wedding was pretty much dictated by my ex's very consumer-y family, although I was able to cut the guest list. = $16,000.*

My second (and final) wedding was exactly what I had always wanted, and my husband was 100% on board = $800.*


* Including honeymoon and rings (respectively, luxury Caribbean vacation and stupidly big diamond, vs. a camping trip and plain silver bands).

[Paul der Krake]

Do we have a Mustachian formula as to what's expected to be spent on an engagement ring in regards to income?

[kisserofsinners]

We did ours for $2500 last year. Wify was twitching with every extra bump, but we managed to have 3 amazing parties for that price.

Do we have a Mustachian formula as to what's expected to be spent on an engagement ring in regards to income?

We bought our rings from this very sweet couple off Etsy. http://www.etsy.com/shop/titaniumknights
We got a simple matching set for $80. When i lost mine a few months later they gave me $2 off my re-order. :)

Titanuim is my metal of choice
Pros: hypoallergenic, inexpensive, indestructible, shiny!
Cons: can't be re-sized

[chicagomeg]

I don't think I'll ever tell you how much we've spent on our wedding (9 weeks & 5 days away!), lest I be kicked off the forum. Still only 4 digits though, as long as you leave out my engagement ring...

[Paul der Krake]

I don't think I'll ever tell you how much we've spent on our wedding (9 weeks & 5 days away!), lest I be kicked off the forum. Still only 4 digits though, as long as you leave out my engagement ring...

It's all good. As long as we are all invited, that is.

[CanuckExpat]

Do we have a Mustachian formula as to what's expected to be spent on an engagement ring in regards to income?

I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic or not, I was going to reply with a serious answer, but I assume you must be joking right?

We bought our rings from this very sweet couple off Etsy.
We got a simple matching set for $80.

Titanuim is my metal of choice

I also have a titanium wedding band that I got off Etsy, about $50 for mine if I recall correctly, engraved and shipped. It turned out another friend of mine also has titanium wedding rings for him and his wife that they made them selves (helps if you have the materials and a workship)

[Paul der Krake]

Do we have a Mustachian formula as to what's expected to be spent on an engagement ring in regards to income?

I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic or not, I was going to reply with a serious answer, but I assume you must be joking right?

Not really. It's obviously a loaded question since nobody likes being called cheap and those things are highly personal, but for those who did rationalize their purchase and came up with a maximum budget, it would be interesting to hear their thoughts on the subject.

Completely made-up sample explanation: "well we already save $2,500 a month, plan on spending around $6,000 on the reception + honeymoon, and dammit I really love my spouse and sometime feel guilty saving so much. Let's make it a round $7,500 which amounts exactly to 3 months' savings. It's not the end of the world if I don't save for 3 months, right guys? Fine, let's go find a ring for $1,500 max."

You get the idea.

[chicagomeg]

Hmm. Maybe one months savings would be a good rule of thumb. For a ceiling though, not a floor like the crazy people think 3 months salary is.

[Jack]

Do we have a Mustachian formula as to what's expected to be spent on an engagement ring in regards to income?

I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic or not, I was going to reply with a serious answer, but I assume you must be joking right?

We bought our rings from this very sweet couple off Etsy.
We got a simple matching set for $80.

Titanuim is my metal of choice

I also have a titanium wedding band that I got off Etsy, about $50 for mine if I recall correctly, engraved and shipped. It turned out another friend of mine also has titanium wedding rings for him and his wife that they made them selves (helps if you have the materials and a workship)

My wife and I got our tungsten carbide rings for "free" as the door prize for being among the first X people to arrive at a bridal trade show we attended. I put "free" in quotes because shipping was $50 (total for both), which is about what said rings are actually worth (as opposed to the $300 each list price that the company's web site claimed).

Since tungsten rings can't be resized (like titanium), these rings also came with a "Lifetime Replacement Policy" in case your finger size changes (or if anything else happens, such as loss or damage): you call them up and ask for a new ring, pay a $35 "processing fee" (which really probably covers the entire cost anyway) and they send it to you.

[gooki]

1/20th of one months salary is how much I spent on my wife's engagement ring. And even to this day it's still the nicest dam ring I've ever seen.

[NumberCruncher]

I forbade my husband from buying me an engagement ring.  I just don't like the idea of one, personally.

[tmac]

I forbade my husband from buying me an engagement ring.  I just don't like the idea of one, personally.

Yeah, me neither. We had just wedding bands. He did later inherit his grandmother's diamond ring, which he then gave to me for Mother's Day soon after our second child was born. Now THAT ring I appreciate. :)

[Angelfishtitan]

I think the numbers in their chart that confused me the most is a $13K venue that you still have to pay $60/person to get food/drink?

The invitation number seems really high too because I haven't gotten a traditional invitation in some time, they are usually made by the couple with pictures and such. Mine were the closest to traditional with nice cardstock and raised lettering and they were only around $100 - including almost half postage.

Then again I guess the kinds of weddings that have limos, a DJ and a band, and use wedding planners are probably not ones I would be getting invited to often.

[MountainFlower]

Regarding rings, I also have my DH's grandma's diamond ring and wedding band, plus my own grandmother's wedding band.  I LOVE them.

I suggest that anyone thinking about buying a ring should ask family members about what "heirlooms" they might have.  They might not think you want it so they haven't offered.    My FIL was totally apologetic about the ring when DH asked him about it.  He thought it wasn't good enough or something. In reality, it's perfect, free, and extra meaningful. 

My husband's ring came from an antique show.  It's really cool and it was about $50. 

[mm31]

"They consider it no longer this total splurge, but rather something they feel they need," Winikka said.

Fascinating how some things evolve to be needs over time. Like cell phones, cable TV, internet, cars. Even with a relatively good salary, I don't feel like I can afford these needs that our modern times seem to require and often wonder how other people do it

[The Bearded Bank Builder]

Just got married on Saturday, and while not amazingly frugal, the combined price of the wedding with reception for 125 people, her dress, my clothes, both rings, any favors/decorations came out to under $12k. We really splurged and I can't think of too many ways we could have spent 10s of thousands of dollars more. That being said, my sister recently got married for about $100k (just the wedding!), so I guess I can see how that average is so high.

[jambongris]

My wife and I got married last year and we spent less than $1000. I think our biggest expense was the officiant and wedding registration followed by her $150 wedding dress.

Both our rings were family heirlooms (nothing fancy) and cost us nothing but have significant sentimental value.

[CanuckExpat]

Do we have a Mustachian formula as to what's expected to be spent on an engagement ring in regards to income?

I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic or not, I was going to reply with a serious answer, but I assume you must be joking right?

Not really. It's obviously a loaded question since nobody likes being called cheap and those things are highly personal, but for those who did rationalize their purchase and came up with a maximum budget, it would be interesting to hear their thoughts on the subject.
...
You get the idea.

The reason I thought you were being sarcastic is that there being a rule that you have to buy a ring based on a certain number of months of salary is ridiculous, useless, and obviously made up by people who are selling/marketing rings.
We don't (or shouldn't) talk about other purchases based on your salary do we? If someone needs to buy a car, there are certain requirements that need to be fill and you will seek a car that meets those requirements while being in your budget. Just because your salary all of a sudden doubled, it doesn't mean you need a car that is twice as expensive (I mean some people might think you do, but that is another problem..)
Similarly, you wouldn't be getting a ring unless it filled some purpose, whether that is cosmetic, vanity, signalling to others, or what have you. You should find a ring that you like for whatever purpose you need it, I don't see why the cost of the ring should be driven by your salary.

[anastrophe]

Ugh. I wanted a $2,000 wedding and am having a $5,000-$6,000 wedding, and that feels like way too much to me.

Rings? I have no family heirlooms (my parents don't even wear any) so it's $20 from Etsy. I am sure they will do just fine. I mean, I should hope I won't need something on my finger to remember that I'm married;)

[crumbcatcher]

The ex and I had a very frugal wedding experience, not necessarily to be frugal, but because we didn't want it to be something we were doing to entertain everyone else we knew.  It was just a bonus that it was cheap as hell.

Two white gold bands, around $200 total.  (Although I admire diamonds, I can bring myself to purchase or wear one...they kind of fly in the face of what I believe to be important.)

Wedding:  Bride, groom, priest, witnesses.  The priest was a friend and didn't charge a fee.  Really, the only costs were the wedding license, some nice new clothes (that we could add to our regular wardrobe after), and some flowers.

We then had a casual get together with friends afterward for lunch and cake and laughter.

It was awesome.  It was an event just for us, and the vows were the most important part of the day.  I know this isn't for everyone, but it suited us just fine. :-)

[BPA]

Looks like never getting married was a smart idea.

Lived common law with my children's father for 7 years.  Because of we were never legally married, he wasn't able to touch my pension when we split.

I consider not getting married one of the best, accidental financial moves I've ever made.  ;)

[ace1224]

my coworkers sister is cashing out her old 401k to pay for a PART of her wedding.  even after that 8000 and their 6000 dollar tax return they are still charging 5000 not even counting her dress.  all because she HAS TO HAVE a photo booth and matching everything.
did i mention her fiance just got laid off but they are plowing ahead with the wedding anyways....since the invitations have been sent and all.  it makes me want to bang my head against the wall

[BBC]

I read this intently yesterday as I am getting married in 5 months.  Well I am over 100% more on the ring (which doesn't belong in this number anyway), but will be well under on the reception.  Should come in at $5-7K and is already paid for in cash.  Fortunately my bride to be doesn't want to spend too much either, so it makes it easy. 

[kisserofsinners]

I am so not on the engagement ring train... I didn't really realize that's what we were talking about. Even the wedding bands weren't popular with DW until after we'd worn them a while and she got used to me marked as "taken". She was pretty upset when i lost it. Part of why we went with lower cost is the fear of loosing them.

1/20th of one months salary is how much I spent on my wife's engagement ring. And even to this day it's still the nicest dam ring I've ever seen.

*gush* super romantic!!! That was really sweet to read. Thanks for sharing!

Regarding rings, I also have my DH's grandma's diamond ring and wedding band, plus my own grandmother's wedding band.  I LOVE them.

This Mustacian lifestyle inspired our friends getting married...Jesus in May. She got his Grandma's ring and he's getting Titanium. There's a playful competition between our wedding costs, but so far we're kicking his ass! :)

[anastrophe]

Well I am over 100% more on the ring (which doesn't belong in this number anyway),

Funny, I include rings in my budget, because sure, the wedding is one day, but it's just the first day of the marriage, as is everything else part of the marriage. I can't see how it's a separate line item.

Should come in at $5-7K and is already paid for in cash.

This. I can't understand financing it at all. We waited to put down deposits until we had the full totals already in the bank.

[chicagomeg]

Well I am over 100% more on the ring (which doesn't belong in this number anyway),

Funny, I include rings in my budget, because sure, the wedding is one day, but it's just the first day of the marriage, as is everything else part of the marriage. I can't see how it's a separate line item.

Should come in at $5-7K and is already paid for in cash.

This. I can't understand financing it at all. We waited to put down deposits until we had the full totals already in the bank.

I read a lot of wedding forums/blogs lately for ideas. The biggest thing that drives me crazy is people excusing spending thousands of dollars on their weddings by draining their meager savings by saying "We didn't put it on a credit card!" as if that's the only consideration. A few days ago, there was a thread about "How much will you have left in your savings after the wedding?" and it was just alarming. I could make a whole thread of crazy, anti-mustachian things I read there every single day. I've given up arguing/commenting on them.

[capital]

all because she HAS TO HAVE a photo booth and matching everything.

Photobooths are fun. You can, of course, make a very nice one out of an iPod or smartphone, a sheet, and a light or two.

[wheatstate]

I like these titanium rings.  Tons of styles.  Men's are about $100 and Women's CZ stone settings are $300-$800.

http://www.boonerings.com/

Mustachian Bike Trivia tip: Boone made custom CNC MTB bike parts in the 90's.  Then he found a better "Carpentry"
BTW, No connection to Boone, just a longtime fan.
My goal is to meet a lady that would be excited to have one of these rings.  A 2-month salary diamond is hard to wrap my mind around.

[ace1224]

all because she HAS TO HAVE a photo booth and matching everything.

Photobooths are fun. You can, of course, make a very nice one out of an iPod or smartphone, a sheet, and a light or two.

they are fun, but i wouldn't want to pay 2500 dollars for one for 3 hours, especially if i had to put it on a credit card to do it.  i would just do what you said and make one.

[mustachecat]

We're also getting our rings from Etsy! Silver, though, not titanium. It's just over $100 for the pair.

I think my fiance spent about a week's pay on my engagement ring, which seemed pretty extravagant. I would have a heart attack if I were ever presented with jewelry worth three months' salary.

[ShavenLlama]

As mentioned in other wedding threads, I highly recommend http://offbeatbride.com/ if you haven't discovered it yet. For those of you about to get married, join the Tribe (forums). You'll be less inclined to strangle people than in the Knot forums.

:)

[capital]

all because she HAS TO HAVE a photo booth and matching everything.

Photobooths are fun. You can, of course, make a very nice one out of an iPod or smartphone, a sheet, and a light or two.

but i wouldn't want to pay 2500 dollars for one for 3 hours, especially if i had to put it on a credit card to do it

Wow, now I want to start building photobooths. That 3-hour rental price seems like it's more than the cost in materials to build a very nice one-- all you need is a decent camera, a basic computer, a printer, and a frame and some panels, plus a bit of software.

[boy_bye]

my in-laws went to a wedding a few weekends ago in scotland, that cost upwards of 35,000 pounds / at least $50,000. the groom had prostate cancer a few years ago and almost died, so i can kind of understand why the family would want to have a big blowout, but still! i just can't see spending that much on a single day.

we spent about $6K on ours, and it was perfect -- a small crowd, wonderful food, and plenty of champagne. i can't imagine what else we would've spent on.

[Psychstache]

I have no idea how much are upcoming wedding is going to cost, but it is probably quite a bit. Her parents are paying for everything except the rehearsal dinner which we are taking care of and will be cheap Mexican food.

For the ring, I budgeted one month's take home pay, but got a pretty big discount when her grandmother offered us the diamond from her ring, which has been in the family for quite some time.

[anastrophe]

As mentioned in other wedding threads, I highly recommend http://offbeatbride.com/ if you haven't discovered it yet. For those of you about to get married, join the Tribe (forums). You'll be less inclined to strangle people than in the Knot forums.

:)

I am a Tribesmaid too and the "super low budget weddings" thread is my wedding p0rn.

[nomoreuntdebt]

Her engagement ring was $36 on Amazon, but I had a $30 gift card left over from Christmas. Spent $6 total.

She said yes.

[Paul der Krake]

Her engagement ring was $36 on Amazon, but I had a $30 gift card left over from Christmas. Spent $6 total.

She said yes.

Love the twist at then end!

[clementine]

My husband and I just got married this past Christmas.  We spent $3.5k on our wedding. $2k of that was on a huge house we rented for a week from the wedding through Christmas. Most of our family and friends are out of town since we just moved to Denver and we live in a small studio in downtown. It slept 20 of our 50 guests!

For our "rehearsal dinner" our wedding party volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House and cooked the families dinner. On our wedding day we had a hike on a mountain and then got married, all standing up with a gorgeous mountain backdrop.  Then we had the reception back at the rental house with food we prepared and cooked ourselves ahead of time.

Another $1k of the $3.5k of that was my ring (platinum and he splurged by having a conflict free diamond set in it and engravings). His was a great $60 titanium ring.

So if my husband hadn't splurged on the ring and we already had family in town with access to a large house then our wedding would have cost about $500, mostly for food and renting a car for 2 days since we don't own one.  And one of my best friends hand drew our wedding invitations. A very special gift :)

And, there isn't anything that could have made the day more special. The point is we love each other and we celebrated that with friends and family.

We went on lots of mini honeymoons without spending extra money. We used restaurant gift cards we received to eat out and we pretended our routine snowboarding day trips were part of our honeymoon. We are going on another mini honeymoon tomorrow in fact! :)

[meadow lark]

Clementine - what a wonderful wedding! 

I married my wife 9 years ago in Vancouver, but when it becomes legal in the states I am planning to have another wedding at home.  We have discussed doing a combination wedding/Superbowl party.  I'm currently floating the idea of a wedding with pay per view MMA fights.  What can I say, I'm just not a traditional girl.  I want a pretty dress, a cake, flowers, some vows.  And then, lets start the party!  What can I say, you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park put of the girl...

[kisserofsinners]

Now, I *know* this isn't strictly true, but I sometimes think to myself that the fancier the engagement ring, the shorter the marriage. :). I've known just a handful of folks who spend thousands on an impressive diamond.  In all those cases, the relationship imploded.

I think it's nice to establish at the outset - it's not about the "things" it's about the person.

SIS

Well now i'll be secretly traking this to see if it "rings" true.

[MMMdude]

Not sure it has been mentioned yet, but what is with the trend of destination weddings lately?  What's wrong with getting married WHERE YOU LIVE!!!  It makes it very expensive for one to attend such a wedding and the expectation is that you still buy them a gift.  Used to be that these destination weddings were small affairs, mainly with family/close friends and that the smaller size helped offset the costs of such a wedding versus a traditional one.  The trend lately seems to be to have the destination wedding, but have it be virtually the same size as one at home.  What's the point?  Friend is getting married an 8 hour drive (not accessible by plane) from where they live since the bride's parents have a vacation property there.  Size of wedding will still be 100 people.  What a PITA for everyone involved!

[Reepekg]

Not sure it has been mentioned yet, but what is with the trend of destination weddings lately? 

I completely agree with this. I had a "destination" wedding across the country... to where our families and 80+% of the guests are from. It was a PITA for us, but it's super self-centered to make everyone else travel for you.

Weddings clearly can cause people to become out of control. I am quite mustachian in many respects, but I am going to defy the wisdom here. Our wedding was $60+K (30 for us, the rest from the in-laws), and I'd do it again. We got married under the stars in the planetarium of a well-known science museum, and had an unbelievable live band. I had the engagement ring custom designed in platinum which included some symbolism from our relationship. We went nuts on the things that were important to us (venue, band, rings) and ignored the things we didn't care about that could add up even further.

This was an event we'll never forget. The hit to the stash was having 150k vs. 180k and growing at age 27. That's significant, but not world changing. We'll get to FIRE. Sometimes it is important to remember why we save money: to have the financial freedom to do as we please and have what we truly want. Sometimes spending your money will make you happy. MMM likes to spend on his house and we had an amazing wedding.

[MtnGal]

One of the reason's we're having a destination wedding is that it will be significantly cheaper and less stressful than the wedding we'd have here. Other than our friends here, everyone else would be travelling quite a distance to get here anyway.

Not sure it has been mentioned yet, but what is with the trend of destination weddings lately?  What's wrong with getting married WHERE YOU LIVE!!!  It makes it very expensive for one to attend such a wedding and the expectation is that you still buy them a gift.

We'll still be inviting everyone we would invite to our wedding at home. It's ridiculous that anyone would think that an invitation is an obligation. If anyone can make it to our wedding, we'd love it and they can make it a vacation. If they can't, we'll be sad to miss them, but that's completely fine. We honestly just do not need the stress of all the "traditional" stuff that comes along with weddings nowadays. When we get home, we'll host a backyard BBQ to celebrate with everyone.

And do not get me started on the gift obligation. It bothers me so much. We've been living together for a year and are later in life and do NOT need more stuff. You would be surprised how many people have expressed disapproval at not having a registry. It actually stresses me out how many people get worked up about this. "But people want to buy you something." We'd rather have a heartfelt card or note or something.

[Reepekg]

I love explaining the concept of a registry to my Danish friends and colleagues. They look at me as though in America, the world has surely gone mad.

The system really is set up for maximum potential awkwardness and hurt feelings. Disapproval about what people ask for, disapproval about what people get, disapproval at the timing of how the transaction goes down. I just wanted to high five anybody who chose a card or cash instead.

[AJ]

I think a better cultural custom would be to get married at the courthouse with just enough people to witness, then throw the big lavish "once in a lifetime" party on your 10-year anniversary. One of the big reasons people spend so much on their weddings is the feeling of scarcity. "This is a once in a lifetime event, so we should spend more freely." Its the same thing that makes people spend more on Black Friday :/

If I could do it over, I would do that...and also get those awesome rings from Etsy! Those are beautiful, and still significantly less than we paid for our modest rings.

[Theadyn]

Very interesting discussion.  I married my late husband in 2001.  Even then, without purposely doing it, we went Mustachian.   

The hubby had a huge jar he'd been thowing loose coins in for a year or so, we rolled them up, and with it I did as much for the 'wedding/honeymoon/vacation' in advance as possible.  I paid for the marriage license, the entire wedding, the almost all of the hotels from rolled coins, $500 worth.  He bought my rings, but knew I'd be pretty ticked if he spent much, $150.  I bought my wedding dress and his ring for about $150.  We took a week to drive from Oklahoma, with my 12 year old daughter, to beaches of California, stopping at points of interest along the way, getting married near Laughlin, Nevada, hitting Disneyworld, Grand Canyon, ice caves, volcano, weird dinosaurs, London bridge...    The trip was about $1000, we took cash.  A group of friends met us in Laughlin for the wedding, short sweet ceremony with pictures, daughter was my maid of honor.   So less than 2k total.  No stress, lots of experiences, great trip over all.  :)     We even took my little Chevy Cavalier that got over 30mpg, and everything fit in the trunk surprisingly.

[Alexandria]

I would have *loved* to have just eloped.  Spent all that money on a destination elopement, even.  But my spouse is very traditional and has a big family.  We spent under $10,000 for a beautiful wedding.  Sure, we cut a lot of corners and yadda yadda, but it's just hard for me to imagine spending $30k. $50k. $100k for one party.  Unless you have some substantial means!  & just to say there is so much room for middle ground.  We got many compliments for how laid back and nice our wedding was.  We obviously could have made it more laid back and less expensive, but we had a nice venue and I bought my dream wedding dress and it was a magical night.  I'd say at least 75% of the cost was the catered dinner (thanks to my spouse having a large family!!  Was mostly family).  We bartered the DJ, music, flowers, and I found my dress inexpensively (it cost more to alter it).  The venue was gorgeous and only $500 for ceremony and dining room, because it was a Sunday.  That included everything.  We had looked at some venues that nickel and dimed the slightest details (napkins, plates, chairs, OMG).  So, "$500 for a gorgeous venues ALL DAY and you don't have to decide every little detail" was more our speed.  I do remember choosing colors and such.  WE also bought all the tuxes and dresses because I refused to put anyone else out for *my* wedding.  Which we were able to do because we had kept most the costs down.  {The cost was a little higher because this was San Francisco.  Why $500 venue felt like such a steal, to us.  But we skipped so many of the basics - limo, photographer, etc.  Basically, skipped the things *we* did not care about}.

[CanuckExpat]

WE also bought all the tuxes and dresses because I refused to put anyone else out for *my* wedding.