Author Topic: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work  (Read 9628 times)

Vitai Slade

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Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« on: June 13, 2013, 06:01:53 AM »
I was speaking with a group of co-workers about the TV series "Game of Thrones" and I made a comment regarding the fact that I had to wait for Season 3 to come out on DVD before I was able to get it from Netflix because I don't have cable/HBO. (I use Netflix as my version of cheap cable, movies, entertainment, etc.) One of my co-workers made a kind of mocking reply to the effect of "Knowing how frugal you are, I'm surprised you haven't figured out how to download movies and such for free by now." along with another chiming in, "Your reputation precedes you.", "You never spend money", and other sort of mocking. I was kinda taken by surprise at this... wondering why they would be judgemental of spending less... It's almost as if they were upset by the fact that I don't go out and blow huge wads of cash on everything... that I don't hemorrhage money.

Adventine

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2013, 06:08:58 AM »
They are insecure because you aren't like them. It's ugly but all too human behavior to gang up on the "outsider". Chin up, they're probably going to be stuck in their cubicles for twice or thrice as long as you are :)

zhelud

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2013, 07:51:45 AM »
Heh heh- I'm in that same GoT situation. I don't have cable at all- and getting a package that includes HBO would cost a ton. Hardly worth it just to watch one show that is only on 2 months of the year! My preteen son, another big fan, totally gets this logic, so I have great hopes for him.

Spork

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2013, 08:03:55 AM »

My advice (and you probably don't need it):  Laugh at yourself with them.  Don't get defensive.  Don't be afraid to call yourself cheap.  (I actually refer to myself as "cheap ass bastard" to folks.) 

I think its more likely they'll "get it" with a little humor to break the ice.  If you bristle when this happens, they'll either shy away from you or pick on you for it.
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kms

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2013, 08:54:05 AM »
It's a concept foreign to them, which is why they do what people always do when they encounter things unknown: they mock it, they ridicule it, and they don't spend any bit of energy trying to understand it. I'm experiencing the same thing at work, being the only one who rides his bike to work every day all year long no matter the weather, being the only one who actually uses the fully outfitted kitchen on every floor of our office, being the only one who doesn't own a car, etc.

Don't get defensive and don't take it personal. If I ever get disoriented all I need is a quick look at my bank account and I'm back at my happy place ;)
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mrpress

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2013, 08:57:48 AM »
My advice (and you probably don't need it):  Laugh at yourself with them.  Don't get defensive.  Don't be afraid to call yourself cheap.  (I actually refer to myself as "cheap ass bastard" to folks.)
Yep, humor (especially self-deprecating) and "owning" it should shut them down. Retreating and trying to defend it (probably unsuccessfully if you're anything like me) just lets them pile on. Wish I would've known this years ago :)

NYD3030

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2013, 09:26:43 AM »
I will admit freely, this website has given be an awesome justification for the rampant, egregious, heinous theft of movies, TV and music.  Sometimes you know an argument you make is BS but you run with it anyway... ;)

minimalist

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2013, 10:40:39 AM »
Yup, my coworkers are shocked when they find out I don't have cable.

Eric

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2013, 01:14:25 PM »
So not only are they making fun of you for not spending money, they're also making fun of you for not breaking the law?  I personally never steal.  I hope someone gets a good laugh out of that.  Morals and ethics are hilarious!
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davisgang90

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2013, 01:19:55 PM »
Just think how they will talk about you when you retire early and they keep plugging away until they hit 65.
Check out my blog.  Early retirement from a military perspective.

http://chartprepping.com




Rollin

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2013, 01:36:35 PM »
Yup, my coworkers are shocked when they find out I don't have cable.

Mine were until I showed them how I sent my daughter to France and Spain (with a language class at school) with the money we saved over two years!
I love being outside.

StarryC

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2013, 02:42:22 PM »
Maybe I'm in a totally weird subgroup.  Yes, friends/co-workers are surprised I don't have cable and use an antenna (especially since I love TV!)  But no one is ever surprised by a lack of HBO!  HBO isn't just cable, it is MORE than normal cable! 

For almost every show except HBO shows, you can buy the show for $2 the next day legally from Amazon or iTunes (Mad Men, Justified, etc.)  Since there are usually no more than two good shows on a week that I want to watch that aren't on Hulu or antenna here is my math:  $4 a week x 52 weeks a year = $208 a year.  Cable = (at least) $60 a month, or $720 a year. 

I do wish HBO and Showtime (I'm still watching Dexter!) would jump on the legal download boat, or that bars would start showing HBO shows like they do sports.

jamccain

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2013, 01:02:39 AM »
I didn't think GoT was on Netflix?  I only have streaming...do they have the discs available???  If so, I may have to upgrade my Netflix long enough to get the three seasons.  It's expensive on Amazon.

zhelud

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2013, 07:25:17 AM »
Netflix has the first 2 seasons of GoT on disk, no streaming.
It will probably be many months before they have season 3. In the meantime, you can go to the library and read all the books. :)

MgoSam

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2013, 08:17:00 AM »
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
-Mahatma Gandhi

madage

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2013, 08:17:27 AM »
In the meantime, you can go to the library and read all the books. :)

Yes. Definitely do this. I hate to be that guy, but the books are so much better (and longer!).

projekt

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2013, 11:14:56 AM »
Even if you only mention it once in passing, you become the guy who "always talks about" not having a TV, not spending money, being a vegetarian, etc. You just have to ignore it. Some people see your choices as criticism of their lifestyle. Go to a bar with friends and don't drink, these people think that you are calling them an alcoholic and they need to constantly explain that they're not.

Once, when I was a smoker, I had someone explaining apologetically why he wasn't a smoker. He said, I shit you not, that it seems like a cool thing because you look so detached and all. My other friend, a smoker, said that was a shitty reason for wanting to smoke. "What's a better reason?"

"Because you're addicted."

docah

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #17 on: June 14, 2013, 03:25:06 PM »
I kinda like the attention that being frugal grabs at work.  I've sold people things I pulled out of dumpsters, and they laughed when I told them (money safely in pocket).   

justchristine

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #18 on: June 15, 2013, 05:37:41 AM »
I'm so glad I dont work with people like that.  I guess that is one of the few perks of living in a smaller city in the Midwest.  Frugality is still fairly common and being mustachian may be a little out of norm but its accepted.  There are a few guys that bike to work.  i know of three other people in my dept that don't have cable and a handful of others that have said that they would drop cable if they could convince their spouse.  Almost everyone in my dept either drives a 10yo+ car or just got rid of an old one and bought used.   

nktokyo

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #19 on: June 15, 2013, 07:37:44 AM »
don't worry about it. I got the same and then I retired. Snap.

mostlyeels

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #20 on: June 15, 2013, 07:35:40 PM »
I love finding the secret semi-mustachians at work, and sharing tips for shaving the expenses with them.  OTOH there are others with conspicuous spending habits that I now see for what it is (although I don't begrudge them their lifestyle, cause I know I'm happier heading down my path than I would be following theirs).

Reepekg

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #21 on: June 15, 2013, 11:02:55 PM »
Go to a bar with friends and don't drink, these people think that you are calling them an alcoholic and they need to constantly explain that they're not.

I'm glad to hear you say this, because I don't drink and this happens to me all. the. time.  I enjoy hanging out and going to bars, but some people get super uncomfortable when I don't want a beer.

Money is exactly the same. People are always insecurely looking around for reassurance they're doing it right.
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MrsPete

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #22 on: June 17, 2013, 09:02:58 AM »
Teachers tend to be thrifty people, so this isn't a problem at my workplace.  Most of us in my group are fairly cheap, though I do lead the pack in just saying NO to things, and another girl has the reputation as the one who always knows a cheap place to get whatever you need.  But around the lunch table we're more likely to share details about a sale on jeans or a new inexpensive recipe than to make fun of anyone who likes to save a dollar. 

Interestingly, the youngest and lowest-paid among us, also the ones who are dealing with school loans, tend to be the most speedy -- they buy the most new clothes, bring in leftovers from restaurants most frequently.  A trend?  I hope not. 

By the way, I've read all the GoT books and have bought the DVD sets used from eBay.  While I love them both, the books rule! 

cbr shadow

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #23 on: June 18, 2013, 10:20:56 AM »
I used to be one of those people judging others for not "living life" and spending tons of money.  The sore spot that I'd try to ignore all the time weas that I was making good income but not saving much at all, and my 401k was barely being contributed to.  If they're blowing lots of money they're probably in the same situation, and insecure about it.

On a side note, if you want to download GOT send me a PM and I'll explain how to very easily (and technically illegally) download it :)

spider1204

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #24 on: June 18, 2013, 10:56:43 AM »
In my age(early 20s) and social(software developers, and rock climbers) groups it's just assumed that you steal all your media.  It's the spendthrifts that spring for things like netflix and hulu plus.

However, as with all other things that you can be made fun of for, it's best to just own it.  If there's something that you've actively decided that you'd like to be, there's no reason to be offended when people point it out, just be proud of it, and even exaggerate a little bit for humour.  This has the added bonus of scaring away people that you probably don't want in your life anyway.

stevedoug

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #25 on: June 18, 2013, 11:07:35 AM »
Go to a bar with friends and don't drink, these people think that you are calling them an alcoholic and they need to constantly explain that they're not.

I'm glad to hear you say this, because I don't drink and this happens to me all. the. time.  I enjoy hanging out and going to bars, but some people get super uncomfortable when I don't want a beer.

Money is exactly the same. People are always insecurely looking around for reassurance they're doing it right.

right or wrong, this is going to happen anytime you go against the norm (Norm here meaning what MOST people EXPECT you to do).

at a bar not drinking?
at a health spa eating a snickers?
at a black jack table not gambling?
on an MMM forum and asking for advice on how to find a house cleaner?
trying to zerg rush with protoss?
farting in a meeting?
on a basketball court playing football?

doing things that aren't expected will surprise people. We humans are quite habitual, and when something falls out of our norms, the knee jerk reaction is to criticize with it.
Hopefully, give it time to sink in, think first, then speak ;-)

dragoncar

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #26 on: June 18, 2013, 11:22:08 AM »
I used to be one of those people judging others for not "living life" and spending tons of money.  The sore spot that I'd try to ignore all the time weas that I was making good income but not saving much at all, and my 401k was barely being contributed to.  If they're blowing lots of money they're probably in the same situation, and insecure about it.

On a side note, if you want to download GOT send me a PM and I'll explain how to very easily (and technically illegally) download it :)

Me too, but honestly it wasn't because I was threateaned.  I just didn't understand that the savers had different goals than I did.  Maybe they were saving for a down payment, or for FI.  Either way I didn't ask and they didn't tell.  I didn't judge too harshly, but I definitely said stuff like "bob won't come to lunch with us... He doesn't like to spend any money (roll eyes)"

Joet

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #27 on: June 18, 2013, 11:47:03 AM »
IMO if most of your coworkers are ridiculing you over your cheap-ness, it's probably time to dial that back around them, can be career limiting unfortunately

SisterX

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #28 on: June 18, 2013, 12:28:35 PM »
My husband and I do the same thing with the few shows we choose to watch.  Rather than talking about the money aspect of it, we usually mention that we're both too impatient to wait week to week to see what happens.  (Yes, even with a show like GoT, where we've each read all of the books.)  Plus, this way we get to pick and choose when we want to watch it.  We don't have to arrange our social life around TV time, we can pick a slow weekend and watch every episode.  That seems to resonate far more with people.

MgoSam

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #29 on: June 18, 2013, 12:54:57 PM »
One of my fears about my frugality is being known as being the 'frugal one.'

I know that this will be better for me in the long run, and that many around me that spend a ton of money are only going to be hurting themselves when they have to pay their bills, or when they are working longer hours/years in jobs that they may not enjoy, but at the same time, it can limit your opportunities.

For instance, I know one of my cousin goes to bars and would invite me, but doesn't like that I don't keep up with him and his friends shot for shot. I don't care as much about the lack of invitation and don't want to go to these events because I would prefer to moderate how much I drink (and consequently spend), but there are other events that people have that can be limiting. My approach to this has been to highlight people that I love to hang around with that do things that aren't pricey. For instance, this Saturday I had dinner with friends and then went to see a free outdoor performance of La Boheme. This Friday, I plan to see a free outdoor orchestra concert and movie. In a few weeks I will go to see a free Shakespeare play outside, and thus when there are events that do cost money, I can either splurge a little and justify it, or find ways to minimize costs.

At work, being known as cheap can be damaging to your reputation. Sadly, there is always going to be a ton of office politics in nearly any career. These people likely aren't your friends, allies, or well-wishers, and as a result I keep my social life and spending habits secret from just about everyone at the office. I think doing this will be smart. Though I should add, that I really don't care to see anyone from my office except while working (thankfully we don't have after-hours drinks).

SwordGuy

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Re: Anti-Mustachian mocking at work
« Reply #30 on: June 18, 2013, 02:13:47 PM »

I've found that if I'm good at solving the problems that my boss faces and make them look good(and my boss is aware of it); and if I'm friendly and helpful to my coworkers, they are willing to embrace any eccentricities that I have rather than look down on me for them.

Be good at your job, be known to be good at your job, be friendly, be helpful, be respectful.  It goes a long way.

A bit of good natured teasing is all fun.  As long as you get to tease back on their foibles, it's all good.

If you've got some problem colleagues, this is a GREAT book on how to deal with them:

http://www.amazon.com/Dealing-People-Can%252019t-Revised-Expanded/dp/0071785728/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371584978&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+deal+with+people+you+can%27t+stand

The info in that book works with friends, spouses, family, coworkers, even fellow inmates.  (Yep, I know someone who was in prison who really appreciated the copy I sent him.)

If all the nice person ways don't work, and you choose not to be mistreated or made to look bad by a coworker anymore, pick your time and topic carefully.  Then cut them off at the knees while remaining firm, polite, professional and - equally important - absolutely and obviously right.
Bullies don't have the stomach for it once they find out it's going to hurt. 

Worked with a guy once that was in charge of the computer hardware and network operations.  I was a programmer.   He would constantly make stuff up to avoid doing the work that needed to be done.  He would always claim it was for "security reasons".  He could BS the management above him.  I would win each argument but who needs that kind of hassle.

That wasn't enough to make me mad enough to cut him off at the knees.

I found out that he had been having a set of arguments with my direct boss via email.  He would reply with made up stuff carefully written to make my boss look bad AND back-copy it to the company president.   My boss didn't know this was happening.   He would refute the made up garbage each time but those emails weren't going to the president.  My boss, who was a good guy and doing a good job, was getting shivved.   We found out about it.

THAT was enough to make me mad.

The next time the "security reasons" excuse came up, I called a meeting between him, me and his boss, the CIO.  He said his stuff.

I told him, "I'm really tired of having to fight this made up security issue each time I try to do my job.  It's wasting the company's time.   Let's just hash this all out once and for all."

"The security settings I'm asking to be set up for this application are exactly the same as the last three I've written and you've installed.  Why do we have to have this discussion each and every time?"

"And when I send you the source code and the compiled, linked executable code to install, do you recompile and relink the source code to make sure that the executables actually match the source code you're installing?"

He indicated he did not.

"Do you read the source code and check it for security issues?  For example, do you check it to see if there is code in there that monitors whether I'm still in the employee directory, and if I'm not, to delete everything on the hard disk that it can?   Do you check the financial software code that I've written to make sure I'm not syphoning off some money into a special account, with an email notice to buy a ticket to Rio when the balance is high enough?"

He indicated he did not.

Then I looked at the CIO and asked him, "But if we REALLY, REALLY want to talk about security, ask yourself why I am the ONLY programmer for both the Cash Receipts and Accounts Receivable applications."

The CIO went white as a sheet.   

You NEVER, EVER, EVER put the same person in charge of tracking money received for debts and who owes money to you.   It's way too easy to pocket the money and make it disappear without a trace - or at least long enough to steal a real bundle.   If I had stolen a wad of money and skipped town, he would never have found work as a CIO again.

We didn't have to have that security fight each time after that.  And I got someone assigned to help me with my software projects...  :)