A New Level of Dating Expenses

[KatieSSS]

The other day I met up with a friend I don't normally see that often, so there was a lot of catching up to do. She has a boyfriend that she has been with for 7 months. When I asked how they met, she told me through a matchmaker. Then the following happened:

Friend: "Yeah! The matchmaker is wonderful, I could give you her information?"
Me: "Oh, um...sure! Why not? How much does she cost?"
Friend: "Well, she isn't cheap."
Me: "Ok, what are we talking, like $100 a session?"
Friend, completely serious: "I'm not sure what her prices are anymore, but I spent a total of $6,000 last year on her."
Me: **crickets** followed by more crickets ***
Me, finally: "What? SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS!"
Friend: "Yep."
Me: LAUGHTER

I apologized for laughing and said I was happy for her that she found someone, but that I'd rather be single and not spend that much money on some dates that might not work out.

I'm still shocked. Just. WOW.

[Spork]

I'm pretty sure that for $6000, my wife would allow me to date your friend.

[KatieSSS]

And for $6,000 I could take two trips to Europe. I'll stick to the free dating sites and not give a random stranger my money.

[kudy]

*Adding matchmaker to list of services I offer*

[KatieSSS]

*Adding matchmaker to list of services I offer*

LOL...a new side-gig.

[marty998]

I hope the "investment" pays off for her.

To add some balance to this debate, imagine a single guy or girls dating expenses over 10-15 years before they meet their life partner in their mid thirties. I'd imagine it comes to much more than $6k

[Spork]

...or imagine the cost of the first divorce!

(This, of course, assumes absolute success of the matchmaker.)

[Fletch]

wait.... so she spent more than $100 a week on this endeavor (assuming the process took a whole year)? It is great that it worked out, but that about twice what I spend per week on groceries. I cannot imagine reaching for my wallet and saying "This is worth twice as much to me as eating", and especially not repeating the process until it worked, with no guarantee that it would work. Insanity

[sheepstache]

I hope the "investment" pays off for her.

To add some balance to this debate, imagine a single guy or girls dating expenses over 10-15 years before they meet their life partner in their mid thirties. I'd imagine it comes to much more than $6k

Agreed, I don't think it's all that laughable.  And imagine the 10-15 years of happiness you might have missed out on.  I don't personally know anyone who's used one, but I can see how screening potential mates for those who are serious about marriage and a family or whatever your other goals are might be something you couldn't do for yourself.  I'd mow my own lawn rather than outsource it but then I can pick up experience with lawn-mowing fairly quickly and how well my lawn is mowed doesn't really make a big impact on the quality of my life.

[Spork]

I hope the "investment" pays off for her.

To add some balance to this debate, imagine a single guy or girls dating expenses over 10-15 years before they meet their life partner in their mid thirties. I'd imagine it comes to much more than $6k

Agreed, I don't think it's all that laughable.  And imagine the 10-15 years of happiness you might have missed out on.  I don't personally know anyone who's used one, but I can see how screening potential mates for those who are serious about marriage and a family or whatever your other goals are might be something you couldn't do for yourself.  I'd mow my own lawn rather than outsource it but then I can pick up experience with lawn-mowing fairly quickly and how well my lawn is mowed doesn't really make a big impact on the quality of my life.

Maybe I am contrary, but I'd take the other side of it.  10-15 years of dating (if it really takes that long) comes with life experience.  That seems worth something.  I'd be hard pressed to call it "happiness I missed out on."  It's just life and it makes you who you are.

[Kriegsspiel]

wait.... so she spent more than $100 a week on this endeavor (assuming the process took a whole year)? It is great that it worked out, but that about twice what I spend per week on groceries. I cannot imagine reaching for my wallet and saying "This is worth twice as much to me as eating", and especially not repeating the process until it worked, with no guarantee that it would work. Insanity

[DocCyane]

I spent $60 at Match.com to find my sweetie and I was honked off it cost that much. But she's worth it. We've been together two and a half years, so I could amortize the cost over the months together minus interest... Hm....

[Kriegsspiel]

You should DEFINITELY tell her that.  So romantic ;)!

[sheepstache]

I hope the "investment" pays off for her.

To add some balance to this debate, imagine a single guy or girls dating expenses over 10-15 years before they meet their life partner in their mid thirties. I'd imagine it comes to much more than $6k

Agreed, I don't think it's all that laughable.  And imagine the 10-15 years of happiness you might have missed out on.  I don't personally know anyone who's used one, but I can see how screening potential mates for those who are serious about marriage and a family or whatever your other goals are might be something you couldn't do for yourself.  I'd mow my own lawn rather than outsource it but then I can pick up experience with lawn-mowing fairly quickly and how well my lawn is mowed doesn't really make a big impact on the quality of my life.

Maybe I am contrary, but I'd take the other side of it.  10-15 years of dating (if it really takes that long) comes with life experience.  That seems worth something.  I'd be hard pressed to call it "happiness I missed out on."  It's just life and it makes you who you are.

That's what I like about the mustache forum, everyone can be contrary!

I knew as I wrote it that "10-15 years of dating" would sound either good or bad depending on someone's personality. 

Personality aside, though, people look for different things in dating.  So a process where people who are committed to settling down self-select by putting their money where their mouth is certainly has advantages.  As for experience, well, it's impossible not to gain experience simply by being alive.

The thing is the matchmaker just sets you up with people.  You still have to date.  It's like a friend or aunt setting you up with people they know who they think you would mesh well with except that the matchmaker has a much wider pool of people at any given time and has more experience with who meshes well (if you think that that is something that is predictable). 

I wouldn't necessarily be in favor of a 20-year-old using these services.  But I had heard about it in the context of single parents or people with long working hours, people who don't have much time.   Or women who want to have children and are worried about running out of time fertility-wise.

I suspect the price is high because of a) supply and demand, b) the demographic they work with and c) the motivation of their clients.  a) matchmakers are relatively obscure and there aren't that many of them.  b) they probably cater more to high-paying professionals.  c) their clients really want to settle down and have probably feel they have exhausted the other options.  If everyone used matchmakers routinely, I suspect prices would go down.

[expatartist]

The #1 important decision you'll make in life is whom you make a life with/marry. For many people around the world today (billions), there's some sort of matchmaking involved: either 'professionals' or relatives. They're compensated directly (payment) or indirectly (more $ in the family). Matchmakers may have a more objective sense of what will work with a partner than just pheromones ;)

After a year working as a writer of personals ads (way back in university), you hear some incredible stories of the lengths people go to...

[Jamesqf]

After a year working as a writer of personals ads...

People will pay to have someone else write their personal ad?

[kms]

People will pay to have someone else write their personal ad?

Not only that but people will afterwards also pay to have their potential mates pre-filtered on dating sites in order to only have to deal with the ones that actually have the potential to work out. I've read an article about a company once that offers this kind of service (we'll write your personal ad and scan the list of potential mates before you even have to lift a finger!) and that they're fully booked months in advance.

[expatartist]

vPeople will pay to have someone else write their personal ad?

Hah, this was in the mid/late 90s, before the internet took care of everything. We were a call center for 50 newspapers around the US. Clients had max 35 words to describe who they were and what they wanted in a mate. I was a de facto 22-year-old editor and creative writer - but it's not anything I'd put on the CV. It was freaky and fun in a weird way, while paying the health insurance I needed at the time. Everything from strait-laced Boston personals brimming with PhDs to Bay Area toe-fetishists.

[dragoncar]

That's what I like about the mustache forum, everyone can be contrary!

No we can't.

[Spork]

People will pay to have someone else write their personal ad?

Not only that but people will afterwards also pay to have their potential mates pre-filtered on dating sites in order to only have to deal with the ones that actually have the potential to work out. I've read an article about a company once that offers this kind of service (we'll write your personal ad and scan the list of potential mates before you even have to lift a finger!) and that they're fully booked months in advance.

This made me laugh out loud. 

"No, I can't be bothered to go out in the world and talk to people to find a mate.  I'll write an ad instead.  But... that seems so hard... Can you write it for me?   WHAT?  People responded?  How many?  Wow, that's a lot... can you read through them and pick out the good ones?"

I'm not convinced the folks on the OTHER side of that deal are getting their money's worth.  They're not talking to the person they think they're talking to.  They're dating Cyrano and don't know it.

[KatieSSS]

wait.... so she spent more than $100 a week on this endeavor (assuming the process took a whole year)? It is great that it worked out, but that about twice what I spend per week on groceries. I cannot imagine reaching for my wallet and saying "This is worth twice as much to me as eating", and especially not repeating the process until it worked, with no guarantee that it would work. Insanity

This is exactly how I felt about it. The main thing is the last part you said "no guarantee that it would work." I don't dislike matchmakers or dating services/websites in general, I just think you need to weigh those costs with all your other costs, and 6 grand is WAY out of my price range for something that may not work out in the end.

[grantmeaname]

They're dating Cyrano and don't know it.

Ten points for the awesome allusion.

[MsSindy]

I'm pretty sure that for $6000, my wife would allow me to date your friend.

That's just funny!!  Made me laugh!

Using a matchmaker just seems to be another in a long list of things that we are too "busy" to do ourselves.  whatever.
I can almost see having someone cut your lawn or prepare some food for you, but I mean, you're outsourcing the most important decision in your life (okay, maybe not the actual decision, but damn close!).  And really, you can't find the time and/or effort?  Then maybe you really don't want to be married - 'cuz, uh, newsflash, marriage takes a little time & energy.

But then again, I guess if two people are willing to spend $6k to find each other, then maybe it's better that they do and "get off the market".

[renbutler]

After my divorce at a young age, I made a horrible decision to pay a dating service almost $3000. It wasn't that I didn't have the time, it was that I was vulnerable, too eager to move on too quickly, and most importantly having difficulty finding single women who were anything like what I was looking for.

Shortly after I blew that money, I met my future wife the old fashioned way: at church.

I consider that $3000 stupid tax.

[KatieSSS]

I'm pretty sure that for $6000, my wife would allow me to date your friend.

I'm pretty sure the "your friend" said "her" at first, which made me think "her" was your wife, but now I get it and wanted to tell you how funny your comment is :)

[Spork]

I'm pretty sure that for $6000, my wife would allow me to date your friend.

I'm pretty sure the "your friend" said "her" at first, which made me think "her" was your wife, but now I get it and wanted to tell you how funny your comment is :)

Yeah, there was an edit... I realized I was being a tad unclear.

[pbkmaine]

Given the difficulty in finding like-minded partners, I sometimes envy groups who do it the old-fashioned way. One of my work colleagues years ago was an Orthodox Jew. When his daughter turned 18, he and his wife gave her a long list of acceptable spouses. These guys had been screened for religious beliefs, family background, educational attainment, financial savvy, you name it. All she had to do was find a good personality fit. #12 on this list was a hit, and they have been happily married now for many years. I am much too rebellious for this to work for me, but I do remember feeling that this was so much simpler than my own random methods.

[oldtoyota]

I hope the "investment" pays off for her.

To add some balance to this debate, imagine a single guy or girls dating expenses over 10-15 years before they meet their life partner in their mid thirties. I'd imagine it comes to much more than $6k

Not if you date another frugal person. ;-)

[NumberCruncher]

Given the difficulty in finding like-minded partners, I sometimes envy groups who do it the old-fashioned way. One of my work colleagues years ago was an Orthodox Jew. When his daughter turned 18, he and his wife gave her a long list of acceptable spouses. These guys had been screened for religious beliefs, family background, educational attainment, financial savvy, you name it. All she had to do was find a good personality fit. #12 on this list was a hit, and they have been happily married now for many years. I am much too rebellious for this to work for me, but I do remember feeling that this was so much simpler than my own random methods.

That's really interesting. I'm assuming geographic location was a concern, too (stay in the same town/city)? Must have lived in a large community - I'm not sure I could have come up with 12 acceptable spouses in the town I grew up in.

[olivia]

That's what I like about the mustache forum, everyone can be contrary!

No we can't.

LOLOLOL

[sonofczar]

Paying a matchmaker - $6000
Waxing your ass and back before the big event - $50
Meeting your soulmate - PRICELESS

[cdub]

I'm pretty sure that for $6000, my wife would allow me to date your friend.

+1 haha

[Kriegsspiel]

Paying a matchmaker - $6000
Waxing your ass and back before the big event - $50
Meeting your soulmate - PRICELESS

LOL.

[Matte]

My city has a singles group called advents and adventures.  They push free info sessions on the radio then time high pressure sales time share style.  They want 5k upfront then you have to pay per group event too.  They call the 5k a screening to ensure it is only affluent professionals who are part of it.  My coworkers that went left there laughing about the price, andante that they wouldn't even show pictures or let you do a trial event.  Those were guys who made 120k and found it too rich.

[worms]

 
I'd mow my own lawn rather than outsource it but then I can pick up experience with lawn-mowing fairly quickly and how well my lawn is mowed doesn't really make a big impact on the quality of my life.

LOL!

Please tell me that's not a euphemism!